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(Mandatory)   Man creates intentionally awful OK Cupid profile, but uses a cute girl photo, to see how low Internet creeps would go. (Spoiler: Low)   (mandatory.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, Geico, Willy Wonka, okays  
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34431 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2012 at 1:36 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



578 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2012-11-13 12:06:18 PM  
Boy, does that bring back memories...
 
2012-11-13 12:27:40 PM  
Hey, chili, krumping, and interpretive dance are my passions as well!
 
2012-11-13 12:42:58 PM  
I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.
 
2012-11-13 12:49:40 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


maybe you should put in more misspellings. tart up your picture some. you're cute, but guys on dating sites are looking for girls who look like they would be willing to touch their penis after a dinner at the "Red Loster"
 
2012-11-13 12:51:36 PM  
I am not sure what the big deal is.. this type of profile is common on Fark.
 
2012-11-13 12:58:02 PM  

Lucky LaRue: I am not sure what the big deal is.. this type of profile is common on Fark.


I know, right? I had to remove all references to krumping in my profile here just to get farkettes to stop sending me BIE.
 
2012-11-13 01:05:36 PM  

xanadian: Boy, does that bring back memories...


I know the feeling *shudders*

I had an Ok Cupid profile back in my single days, and I don't think I met anyone actually worthwhile through it. Weirdest one was a guy I thought would be worth meeting, then over a drink to prove some point about why feminism is bad he asked me if I'd rather be raped or sent to jail for 20 years.

/ left right then
// he still asked if we could get together for a second date
 
2012-11-13 01:15:57 PM  
I laughed my ass off...good stuff.
 
2012-11-13 01:39:00 PM  
This makes it seem like you'd have to go out of your way to find out how low Internet creeps will go.
 
2012-11-13 01:39:06 PM  
This is why I pick up women in dive bars. Pretty damn funny though.
 
2012-11-13 01:39:07 PM  
as low as it takes.
 
Pud
2012-11-13 01:39:36 PM  

Andromeda: xanadian: Boy, does that bring back memories...

I know the feeling *shudders*

I had an Ok Cupid profile back in my single days, and I don't think I met anyone actually worthwhile through it. Weirdest one was a guy I thought would be worth meeting, then over a drink to prove some point about why feminism is bad he asked me if I'd rather be raped or sent to jail for 20 years.

/ left right then
// he still asked if we could get together for a second date


But what was your answer? The rape or 20 yrs.?
 
2012-11-13 01:40:42 PM  
Pffft, amateur.

I was doing this in '09 with a "dream girl" profile and just shooting guys down. It was a blast.
 
2012-11-13 01:41:39 PM  
Nothing is too low for Fark.
 
2012-11-13 01:41:39 PM  
How is this surprising? Some of it was funny to read but let's face it, men who are looking to get laid will often stoop pretty low. We've all been there.
 
2012-11-13 01:41:41 PM  

Andromeda: xanadian: Boy, does that bring back memories...

I know the feeling *shudders*

I had an Ok Cupid profile back in my single days, and I don't think I met anyone actually worthwhile through it. Weirdest one was a guy I thought would be worth meeting, then over a drink to prove some point about why feminism is bad he asked me if I'd rather be raped or sent to jail for 20 years.

/ left right then
// he still asked if we could get together for a second date


sounds like he was on the path to enjoy both.
 
2012-11-13 01:41:45 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Well, if your profile picture there is anything like it is here you're not showing enough cleavage and you need to lose the glasses and that pink thing in your hair.

Alternately, you could continue doing what you're doing and not worry about the leering passer-by that this guy intentionally baited and hooked solely with a picture of a cute girl.
 
2012-11-13 01:42:39 PM  
Sort of reminds me back when something awful used to create fake world of warcraft characters and troll the guys hitting on them.
 
2012-11-13 01:42:51 PM  
heh.... "baited"
 
2012-11-13 01:43:26 PM  
Hobbies: internets, cat
Likes: chillin, warming up
Dislikes: walks on the beach due to prehensile toes, black licorice
 
2012-11-13 01:43:28 PM  
so a more benign version of RFJason's 'craigslist experiment' ?
 
2012-11-13 01:43:35 PM  
That's about par for dating sites.
 
2012-11-13 01:43:52 PM  
This just in: most guys looking through dating sites just want to get laid.

Story at 11.
 
2012-11-13 01:44:19 PM  
Ummmm...... that's not so outrageous as, well, I'm gonna go with Representative... of the average online profile.

I met my girl on PoF but it took a ton of sifting through the garbage to find her. Seems that every obese single mother is looking for a man to treat them like a princess (while being VERY clear that they won't waste time talking to men who are interested in sex with their new girlfriend).
 
2012-11-13 01:44:37 PM  
LOL..man...that was a riot. Told the dude "she" spent Halloween getting finger banged by her cousin, had a c-section, and agreed to sex for 45 bucks but her mom had to drive her there. LOL..And they STILL went for it. Jeez...wonder how many farkers were on that list.
 
2012-11-13 01:44:48 PM  
Met my partner of 10 years over an online service so I'm getting a kick.
 
2012-11-13 01:45:13 PM  
Did this way back in the day on AOL when my sister was looking for an account to get some advanced scouting on what she was up against.

If any of you guys were sexting with "­je­nny9­0­21­0­[nospam-﹫-backwards]lo­a*co­m", well, sorry...
 
2012-11-13 01:45:17 PM  
Sooo glad I met my wife of 23 years in the days before the internet...
 
2012-11-13 01:45:49 PM  
Fark: "I'm on my way to the gym" Niiice... Fark handle?
 
2012-11-13 01:45:58 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


How YOU doin'?? I'll be straight forward I would like to sexy you up can we get it done for like 30 bucks??

/I keed!!
//but you are on my green list.
 
2012-11-13 01:45:59 PM  
Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?
 
2012-11-13 01:45:59 PM  
Hey, any chick that digs Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is ok in my book.
 
2012-11-13 01:46:11 PM  
"At home from the docter. Had to get my arm refitted. Are u a Lakers fan?"

Amazing
 
2012-11-13 01:46:43 PM  
there's stories of lonely guys flying half way around the world to meet Nigerian princesses.
 
2012-11-13 01:47:05 PM  
Judging by the comments so far it looks like all the fish this guy netted were Farkers!
 
2012-11-13 01:48:13 PM  
How is that any worse than any random posting on facebook or twitter? Hell, most youtube comments make that profile look like it was written by a poet.
 
2012-11-13 01:48:31 PM  
WTF is krumping?

*uses internets*

That is a thing? Hmph.

I... I'd krump her.
 
2012-11-13 01:49:38 PM  
I think I just found his real profile pic:

i758.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-13 01:49:59 PM  
If you want to see how low men will really stoop, go to the Perverted Justice site and read some of the conversations.

Also, have a lined trash can nearby for when you want to puke.

/look it up yourself
 
2012-11-13 01:50:27 PM  

Hyppy: This just in: most guys looking through dating sites just want to get laid.

Story at 11.


Yeah, pretty much this.

/Had an OKCupid profile
//Did not use it just to get laid
///Actually did try to get dates there
//Failed miserably
/All dating sites are pretty much a joke anyway
 
2012-11-13 01:50:33 PM  
Brings back memories. I remember having a profile on hotornot (or some such site) when I was literally 15 or so and the sheer volume of pervs who wrote me despite me admitting my age was disgusting. I was 15 though so I thought that made me hot shiat. Reading through that made my skin crawl a little.
 
2012-11-13 01:50:34 PM  
Hahahaha. Oh man.

"long story but i hit a man he's ok i hope"
 
2012-11-13 01:51:05 PM  

gingerjet: Met my partner of 10 years over an online service so I'm getting a kick.


What was the $45 spent on?
 
2012-11-13 01:51:34 PM  
There is no way "Rob Lee", the article author, isn't a woman. These are all "OMG look how dumb and inappropriate this girl is! And guys still try to hook up with her?! News!"

There are only two types of men: Those that would try to hook up with that, and those that wouldn't, but absolutely know that some guy out there would.
 
2012-11-13 01:51:36 PM  

Delawheredad: Judging by the comments so far it looks like all the fish this guy netted were Farkers!


Hey we all can't be poets and scholars go troll somewhere else!!
 
2012-11-13 01:51:49 PM  
I had to look up "Krumping" ...

"...which is a backronym for Kingdom Radically Uplifted Mighty Praise,[3][4] presenting krump as a faith-based artform"

"Krump was not directly created by Tommy the Clown; however, krump did grow out of clowning.[1][7][10] Ceasare Willis and Jo'Artis Ratti were both originally clown dancers for Johnson but their dancing was considered too "rugged" and "raw" for clowning so they eventually broke away and developed their own style.[2] This style is now known as krump. Johnson eventually opened a clown dancing academy and started the Battle Zone competition at the Great Western Forum where krump crews and clown crews could come together and battle each other in front of an audience of their peers"

So... hardcore clown dancing for god? Why have I not heard of this before!?
 
2012-11-13 01:51:57 PM  
cache.ohinternet.com
Jason Fortuny is that you?
 
2012-11-13 01:52:00 PM  

corygavinjones: "At home from the docter. Had to get my arm refitted. Are u a Lakers fan?"

Amazing


This was the precise point of my nostril/coffee interaction. I thought "did she go for the three-pointer so hard she dislocated something? Fictionally, I mean?"

Then I realized that utter non-sequiturs were as good a cock-tease technique as announcing C-sections and casual incest.

This explains some marriages I've seen.
 
2012-11-13 01:52:53 PM  
I didn't find anything wrong with the profile. Mispellings can be over looked, krumping can be learned, and chili is universal. But I would have thrown a flag on the field at the IMs. Clearly someone looking to get a rise.

BTW, I sent jenny90210@aol my penis back in the day and she NEVER got back to me! That biatch ruined my online experience!!
 
2012-11-13 01:53:11 PM  
This just in: Many guys are creepy!
 
2012-11-13 01:53:37 PM  

Stray Cat Strut: Brings back memories. I remember having a profile on hotornot (or some such site) when I was literally 15 or so and the sheer volume of pervs who wrote me despite me admitting my age was disgusting. I was 15 though so I thought that made me hot shiat. Reading through that made my skin crawl a little.


I'm figuratively 15 so it evens out. How YOU doin'??
 
2012-11-13 01:53:38 PM  
"Can I cum in your mouth or your pussy?" Dayum, dude doesn't beat around the bush.
 
2012-11-13 01:54:35 PM  
I've only met one person on OKCupid. All I can remember about her is that she's a gluten intolerant vegan who's even less outgoing than I am.

Introverts don't mix well.
 
2012-11-13 01:54:54 PM  

Reyvacs: There is no way "Rob Lee", the article author, isn't a woman. These are all "OMG look how dumb and inappropriate this girl is! And guys still try to hook up with her?! News!"

There are only two types of men: Those that would try to hook up with that, and those that wouldn't, but absolutely know that some guy out there would.


and the difference between the two can be measured in BAC.
 
2012-11-13 01:55:25 PM  

Jument: How is this surprising? Some of it was funny to read but let's face it, men who are looking to get laid will often stoop pretty low. We've all been there.


I don't think we've all heard that a girl was molested by her cousin and used that to shift the conversation, rather than activating the ejector seat. I personally have a pretty low bar for shiat I will put up with when approaching a woman.
 
2012-11-13 01:55:36 PM  

Pair-o-Dice: "Can I cum in your mouth or your pussy?" Dayum, dude doesn't beat around the bush.


Noob. Never ask, just do.
 
2012-11-13 01:56:16 PM  
The saddest farking thing is that I read the fake profile and it didn't really stand out as any worse than others I've read. Youtube comments come to mind...
 
2012-11-13 01:56:28 PM  

Pair-o-Dice: "Can I cum in your mouth or your pussy?" Dayum, dude doesn't beat around the bush.


Most women these days don't even have a bush to beat around.
 
2012-11-13 01:56:41 PM  
Rule 28,29 and 30 solve all these things.
 
2012-11-13 01:56:41 PM  
I did this before it was cool. Hell, there are plenty of women intentionally doing this on that site. It's a messed up system of frustrated people trying to do it "right" alongside average people spamming (successfully) for hookups.
 
2012-11-13 01:57:44 PM  
This is so incredibly frkking stupid I don't even know what to say. First off you are a frkking loser if you have nothing better to do than make a fake okcupid account pretending to be a dumb girl. Secondly, everyone already frkking knows how low guys will stoop when they are trying to snatch some snatch. Ok I'm done but fuk all of you, really.
 
2012-11-13 01:58:17 PM  
I only read a bit, but it looks like they weren't "creepy" as much as they didn't give a damn that she was an idiot. They kept talking to her and treating her as a serious prospect despite her being a complete moron one would avoid in normal life.
 
2012-11-13 01:58:44 PM  

Pair-o-Dice: "Can I cum in your mouth or your pussy?" Dayum, dude doesn't beat around the bush.



Well, he seems to be giving her that option, anyway.
 
2012-11-13 01:59:40 PM  

Wettner: BTW, I sent jenny90210@aol my penis back in the day and she NEVER got back to me! That biatch ruined my online experience!!


Strange, that chick stalked me relentlessly, I ended up having to burn my computer and move out of state. She was into some dark and twisted stuff...what a whore.
 
2012-11-13 02:00:36 PM  
The author doesn't seem much brighter than the profile he faked, what with feeling the need to provide play-by-play descriptions of the profile and chats that you've just read for yourself.
 
2012-11-13 02:01:20 PM  

man metaphysical: This is so incredibly frkking stupid I don't even know what to say. First off you are a frkking loser if you have nothing better to do than make a fake okcupid account pretending to be a dumb girl. Secondly, everyone already frkking knows how low guys will stoop when they are trying to snatch some snatch. Ok I'm done but fuk all of you, really.


that's an excellent point.
How does that phrase go? "I'd eat a mile of shiat to get to that ass"
More then a few men that say it mean it more than figuratively. .
 
2012-11-13 02:01:24 PM  
browse through that profile a little and make sure you aren't getting ready to message an illiterate part time prostitute with a rubber arm and a history of vehicular crimes.

Mom?
 
2012-11-13 02:01:57 PM  

MindStalker: I only read a bit, but it looks like they weren't "creepy" as much as they didn't give a damn. that She was an idiot, so they kept talking to her and treating her as a serious prospect despite her being a complete moron one would avoid in normal life.


FTFY.
 
2012-11-13 02:02:08 PM  

Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?


Bloodninja

There ya go.
 
2012-11-13 02:02:30 PM  
Who reads their profile
 
2012-11-13 02:02:36 PM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Wettner: BTW, I sent jenny90210@aol my penis back in the day and she NEVER got back to me! That biatch ruined my online experience!!

Strange, that chick stalked me relentlessly, I ended up having to burn my computer and move out of state. She was into some dark and twisted stuff...what a whore.


Whew, dodged that bullet then huh? Sounds like she could have Petraeus'd me.
 
2012-11-13 02:02:37 PM  

NCg8r: Ummmm...... that's not so outrageous as, well, I'm gonna go with Representative... of the average online profile.

I met my girl on PoF but it took a ton of sifting through the garbage to find her. Seems that every obese single mother is looking for a man to treat them like a princess (while being VERY clear that they won't waste time talking to men who are interested in sex with their new girlfriend).


I met one on pof and when I met her in person, her husband was there pawing on her at the bar. She told me that they were separated for three years and that he still hadn't given up. as I was headed out the door she asked what was going on and I replied "I'm not herefor this kind of drama" and left.
 
2012-11-13 02:04:03 PM  

Ehcks: I've only met one person on OKCupid. All I can remember about her is that she's a gluten intolerant vegan who's even less outgoing than I am.

Introverts don't mix well.



The only one I've met through there contacted me. She's a Doctor of Ancient Crap at the local university and, at 40-something, was too baby-crazy to notice that I'd plainly stated that I can't/won't make more babies. When I made that clear, she basically bolted.

Never got a chance to stick my dick in the crazy.
 
2012-11-13 02:04:06 PM  

ISO15693: So... hardcore clown dancing for god? Why have I not heard of this before!?


So I thought you were making shiat up. I went to wiki.

I... I don't even know what life is anymore. I'm adrift. What. The. Fark.
 
2012-11-13 02:05:10 PM  
Wait.

We are shocked that men will sink to startling depths to get with a cute girl who isn't that bright? This surprises us? This is (not) news?

Where is Rick Romero when we need him?!
 
2012-11-13 02:05:29 PM  
Did this years ago with a female friend, she needed a laugh and was busting her sides as we did it.
See Disfunctional on POF. Got some email, responded with a polite no-thanks in most cases, ignored the others, never went further than that.

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Nah you're doing it right, unless you want to date guys attracted to idiots. Don't target an audience, let the one in the audience who stands out notice you. Or something like that....
 
2012-11-13 02:05:31 PM  
My okcupid profile has always been a copy of my Fark profile, so I'm getting a real kick outta these replies.
 
2012-11-13 02:05:38 PM  

Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?


This one

And another, same guy 

/nsfw language......
 
2012-11-13 02:05:44 PM  

Wettner: Sounds like she could have Petraeus'd me.


NIIIIIIIIICE!
 
2012-11-13 02:05:48 PM  
I loved online dating. I never pulled more tail in my life than when I had an account on the pussy catalog known as "Match."
 
2012-11-13 02:05:54 PM  

rooftop235: NCg8r: Ummmm...... that's not so outrageous as, well, I'm gonna go with Representative... of the average online profile.

I met my girl on PoF but it took a ton of sifting through the garbage to find her. Seems that every obese single mother is looking for a man to treat them like a princess (while being VERY clear that they won't waste time talking to men who are interested in sex with their new girlfriend).

I met one on pof and when I met her in person, her husband was there pawing on her at the bar. She told me that they were separated for three years and that he still hadn't given up. as I was headed out the door she asked what was going on and I replied "I'm not herefor this kind of drama" and left.


Good for you, sir. A smart man folds on a shiatty hand.
 
2012-11-13 02:07:01 PM  
That brings back memories of Fugly.com. Actually, Fugly is how I found out about FARK.com.
 
2012-11-13 02:07:30 PM  
The amusing part is that profile isn't that bad... a large number of people are actually that stupid these days.

There are real profiles that are worse than that fake one.
 
2012-11-13 02:07:44 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Hank is adorable.
 
2012-11-13 02:08:07 PM  
The picture is not severely overweight, and the profile doesn't spend every section talking about how she hates men and that her bastard baby is the center of her life. Yes, the girl portrayed is illiterate and insensitive, but she's energetic and no doubt interesting to have around - for entertainment value if nothing else.

Hands down, that's so much better than any single women from here.

I'm not at all surprised that the guy got a bunch of replies. I probably would have replied too, if I hadn't already given up on dating entirely.
 
2012-11-13 02:08:56 PM  

flaminio: Did this way back in the day on AOL when my sister was looking for an account to get some advanced scouting on what she was up against.

If any of you guys were sexting with "jenny90210[[nospam-﹫-backwards] image 7x13]loa[* image 7x13]com", well, sorry...


But the question is, did you get off on it too?

/We were all young once.
 
2012-11-13 02:09:20 PM  
 
2012-11-13 02:09:29 PM  
This is why I only bang fat chicks with daddy issues that I meet on FetLife.
 
2012-11-13 02:09:50 PM  
Article writer, tries to write fake profile making the girl sounds stupid.

writes profile that just sounds like a normal girl.
 
2012-11-13 02:09:58 PM  
www.myteespot.com
 
2012-11-13 02:10:52 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Hell, I'd date you, just based on your fark profile. You're cute, and so is Hank the kitty :)
 
2012-11-13 02:11:18 PM  

LazerFish: [www.myteespot.com image 217x400]


Occupation: full on rapist
 
2012-11-13 02:11:55 PM  
This kind of stuff reminds me ever so gently how nice it is to be happily married.

/Because the alternative is mountainside hermitage and industrial stacks of pr0n.
 
2012-11-13 02:12:37 PM  

NCg8r: Ummmm...... that's not so outrageous as, well, I'm gonna go with Representative... of the average online profile.

I met my girl on PoF but it took a ton of sifting through the garbage to find her. Seems that every obese single mother is looking for a man to treat them like a princess (while being VERY clear that they won't waste time talking to men who are interested in sex with their new girlfriend).


They also hate cheaters and liars.

ANd want you to have a good jerb.
 
2012-11-13 02:12:44 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Gym membership comes before dating site membership.

/flames incoming!!!!

Naw just being serious though. I try not to be really really superficial, but there is the crazy/hot line. With the cat pics, you're showing waaay too much crazy for your hot level.
 
2012-11-13 02:12:57 PM  
I met one person on okCupid. Train wreck all the way.

I can deal with a nerdy single mom that's way into costuming and other comicon/ren faire stuff.
Couldn't deal with the clingyness, disinterested mothering, medical issues, incurable STD's and assorted neuroses.

Her friends were awesome, though.
 
2012-11-13 02:13:19 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?

Bloodninja

There ya go.


I'll be darn. I didn't know i could laugh coca-cola out of my nose.

/Well Done
 
2012-11-13 02:13:30 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


You are cute but a bit heavy. Maybe you should try a BBW dating site. Good luck.
 
2012-11-13 02:14:55 PM  

Andromeda: prove some point about why feminism is bad he asked me if I'd rather be raped or sent to jail for 20 years.


wat?

Been a few months since I even thought about dating, already know I will not be going the online route when I feel up to it, though.
 
2012-11-13 02:15:06 PM  
i don't understand this. the guy went fishing for trash, and then gloated when trash turned up. how is that funny or interesting?
 
2012-11-13 02:15:50 PM  
cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.

In my case it's

Find 95% match.

Send intelligent e-mail.

Get no response whatsoever.

// for a site that's focuses on answering questions and indicating how you want someone else to answer questions, you would think that a high match percentage would at least garner a response.

// responds to all high match percentages, even if I'm not physically attracted to them, because in my mind, a high matching percentage == someone who is cool (to me).
 
2012-11-13 02:15:50 PM  
I've met maybe 10 people on OKC in person, and most were highly intelligent, attractive, well spoken, and too busy to date (hence dealing with the online riffraff). If you prove that you're not riffraff, it's easy to bring in a date.
 
2012-11-13 02:16:01 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Location: Wichita

There, I solved your mystery.
 
2012-11-13 02:16:05 PM  
Met my current boyfriend on OKCupid.

Found that the best way to meet decent guys was to email them first. The ones who are too busy to send out relentless messages to women on the internet seem to be the ones who are actually worth meeting.

All of the women I know who have had bad times only ever talked to the creeps who were trolling for sex, and the men spent all of their time trying to get the attention of the (mostly fake or crazy) women on the site.

/went on a lot of actually good, if not-quite-right dates
//only met a couple of creeps
///made some actual friends
 
2012-11-13 02:16:26 PM  

Pair-o-Dice: "Can I cum in your mouth or your pussy?" Dayum, dude doesn't beat around the bush.


Literally.
 
2012-11-13 02:16:33 PM  
Do dudes even look at anything other than the photo? I sure as heck don't
 
2012-11-13 02:16:48 PM  

Rent Party: I loved online dating. I never pulled more tail in my life than when I had an account on the pussy catalog known as "Match."


I've had a lot of 2-date relationships with girls I met on match. Generally it's me buying them dinner, followed by them not putting out. Meh, no chemistry. I did have luck with an intelligent young stoner in a doctorate program, but when she spontaneously told me she was a crazy pyromaniac, I stopped responding to her texts.
 
2012-11-13 02:16:48 PM  
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
 
2012-11-13 02:16:59 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Pffft, amateur.

I was doing this in '09 with a "dream girl" profile and just shooting guys down. It was a blast.


After a few seconds of thought, I would say that is more pathetic than the dudes replying to the ad.
 
2012-11-13 02:17:19 PM  
It seemed pretty clear to me that thumb wrestling guy was wise to the game. He asked to be introduced to the girl in the picture and specifically commented on the profile.
 
2012-11-13 02:17:39 PM  
Met my hubby on the internet 4 yrs ago, also getting a kick....
 
2012-11-13 02:17:47 PM  
What a waste of time for everyone (myself included).
 
2012-11-13 02:18:09 PM  

Reyvacs: There is no way "Rob Lee", the article author, isn't a woman. These are all "OMG look how dumb and inappropriate this girl is! And guys still try to hook up with her?! News!"

There are only two types of men: Those that would try to hook up with that, and those that wouldn't, but absolutely know that some guy out there would.


Hah, yeah pretty much this. If it was a dude, must be a dude raised in a convent.
 
2012-11-13 02:18:24 PM  

rooftop235: She told me that they were separated for three years and that he still hadn't given up. as I was headed out the door she asked what was going on and I replied "I'm not here for this kind of drama" and left.


Smart move. Everyone I know who has dated people who were separated from their spouse noted that there was way too much drama because of it. There is a good chance that you'll end up being a pawn in some scheme to make the other spouse jealous. Others suddenly decide that they want to reinvent themselves once the divorce comes through and that you remind them too much of the turmoil of their former life.
 
2012-11-13 02:18:35 PM  
That was painfully pathetic and very funny. Horny guys always are.
 
2012-11-13 02:19:13 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Well, just a guess -- maybe it's that you're in Kansas? The ad was posted in LA, which alone has more people than your entire state. Also, Kansas has a rather young average marriage age. Not trying to Fark.com-stalk you or anything but you've got an attractive picture, a job, and are literate so I really don't know what else it might be.
 
2012-11-13 02:19:17 PM  

NightOwl2255: Because People in power are Stupid: Pffft, amateur.

I was doing this in '09 with a "dream girl" profile and just shooting guys down. It was a blast.

After a few seconds of thought, I would say that is more pathetic than the dudes replying to the ad.


Were you the one sending dirty poetry?
 
2012-11-13 02:19:46 PM  

Aidan: The saddest farking thing is that I read the fake profile and it didn't really stand out as any worse than others I've read. Youtube comments come to mind...


I've noticed this too; plenty of OKC profiles look as bad or worse than this troll profile. Sucks when I come up with a nice match % only to find a profile full of logical inconsistencies and spelling errors.
 
2012-11-13 02:20:05 PM  
"Cousin fingering has to be a no no"

there you have it
 
2012-11-13 02:20:39 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Well, there's your problem. You need to cut out all that shiat about your job at the BAU.
 
2012-11-13 02:21:39 PM  
internet dating. yuk.

being in love and married 20 years to the same woman never felt so good.
 
2012-11-13 02:22:04 PM  
As a man, I had the most success on OKC when I blatantly ignored the headings and just wrote random amusing paragraphs about stuff you would likely tell someone over a beer.

There are only so many times you can read "I love to travel. On Friday night, I am just as comfortable staying in with you and a movie as I am going out on the town. I really couldn't live with out my friends and family. The most embarrassing thing is that I am on this site." before you barf.

It is really impressive how much space people can fill up without saying a damn thing.
 
2012-11-13 02:22:16 PM  

Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?


I put on my robe and wizard hat...
 
2012-11-13 02:22:34 PM  
That's why you have to have class: "Excuse me, miss, but I couldn't help but notice your mouth was empty."
 
2012-11-13 02:23:07 PM  

gingerjet: Met my partner of 10 years over an online service so I'm getting a kick.


Oh? What line of work are you in?
 
2012-11-13 02:23:34 PM  

scarmig: This kind of stuff reminds me ever so gently how nice it is to be happily married.

/Because the alternative is mountainside hermitage and industrial stacks of pr0n.


You say that as if there is something wrong with that? Who are you to judge.
 
2012-11-13 02:23:37 PM  
Oldie but a Goodie...

cdn.randomfunnypicture.com
 
2012-11-13 02:23:38 PM  

chopit: Rent Party: I loved online dating. I never pulled more tail in my life than when I had an account on the pussy catalog known as "Match."

I've had a lot of 2-date relationships with girls I met on match. Generally it's me buying them dinner, followed by them not putting out. Meh, no chemistry. I did have luck with an intelligent young stoner in a doctorate program, but when she spontaneously told me she was a crazy pyromaniac, I stopped responding to her texts.


The easiest way to get rid of a woman is to tell her she's not the only one. Right after my divorce, I would have at least two, and as many as five on the hook. None of them knew about the others, as that would be just bad manners. I would always preface the first date introductions with "I'm just taking things slow and checking out the wading pool again." If one got clingy or crazy (and don't knock the pyros until you've tried the pyros) I'd simply let it slip that I had a date with a different woman later and can't see her that night. Then she gets to be all outraged and break up with me.

The trick to getting anyone to do anything is to get them to think it was their idea.
 
2012-11-13 02:23:44 PM  
I once posed as a 15 year old girl and tricked a 30 year old internet creep into shaving his head. That was pretty effin' epic.
 
2012-11-13 02:24:24 PM  
I actually laughed out loud at this at several points. Well done, Internet. Well done.
 
2012-11-13 02:24:32 PM  
Hearing stories about how some guys act on OKCupid always makes me feel better about myself, especially since I met my future wife on OKC. I feel bad for the normal, good-looking women on there who just get absolutely bombarded by lunatics and weirdos.
 
2012-11-13 02:24:43 PM  
I met like 3 pretty decent guys on that site, one I fell head over heels for but logistically we couldn't work out so it didn't go anywhere. One of the other guys I met on there lasted almost a year and we still meet up once in a while. Then like a month after that relationship ended I had a drunken hookup with some random guy and now he and I are living together with a dog and picking out floral arrangements for the impending nuptials.
 
2012-11-13 02:24:46 PM  
Honestly, the part that was most disturbing to me was the casual way in which she mentioned being date-raped by her cousin and the way the guy just kind of compared it to going trick-or-treating.
 
2012-11-13 02:26:38 PM  
Was a mod for OKC. Mostly tos violations like dick picks or girls not showing their face or using kids pictures. Once in a while you would get the really entertaining string of private messages that went south.
 
2012-11-13 02:26:40 PM  
stupid is and stupid will do it

if a guy will do it to a couch or a dead dog ......this would be a treat!!!!!
 
2012-11-13 02:26:46 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Met my current boyfriend on OKCupid.

Found that the best way to meet decent guys was to email them first. The ones who are too busy to send out relentless messages to women on the internet seem to be the ones who are actually worth meeting.

All of the women I know who have had bad times only ever talked to the creeps who were trolling for sex, and the men spent all of their time trying to get the attention of the (mostly fake or crazy) women on the site.

/went on a lot of actually good, if not-quite-right dates
//only met a couple of creeps
///made some actual friends


It's also a good idea because you are likely to get a response and probably a date just because the guy will be impressed you contacted him. It is exceedingly rare in our culture. Women still by and large wish to be pursued, which makes sense since they then don't have to put their emotions on the line by risking the initial rejection. However it also means if you break that mold you put yourself ahead of those that don't.
 
2012-11-13 02:26:52 PM  

man metaphysical: This is so incredibly frkking stupid I don't even know what to say. First off you are a frkking loser if you have nothing better to do than make a fake okcupid account pretending to be a dumb girl. Secondly, everyone already frkking knows how low guys will stoop when they are trying to snatch some snatch. Ok I'm done but fuk all of you, really.


Were you the guy who cheered for her when you found out about her abortion?
 
2012-11-13 02:28:48 PM  
I met a great person on OKCupid (owned by Match.com).
We're still seeing each other weekly (we live an hour apart) after a few months and things are awesome.

What I found....

Craigslist: Twelventy Dozen Roses

Plentyoffish.com (chicks who just want to get some or hoping to snag a man)

OKCupid: Wide range of folks, from skeezers to professionals

Match.com: Higher maintenance group of people, pay wall might mean less skeezers but also means a bit more high maintenance folks who think they are your gift from god.

eHarmony: MARRY ME NOW!!!!

Just my sampling....
Take it for what you will...
 
2012-11-13 02:28:52 PM  

eas81: scarmig: This kind of stuff reminds me ever so gently how nice it is to be happily married.

/Because the alternative is mountainside hermitage and industrial stacks of pr0n.

You say that as if there is something wrong with that? Who are you to judge.


Nothing wrong with it. It's Plan B. I got a shack picked out and everything, just in case.
 
2012-11-13 02:29:53 PM  

Molavian: Hey, any chick that digs Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is ok in my book.


That was my first OKCupid date with the girl I've been seeing for a while now (she's black, BTW). Having read the book so long before, I didn't realize how incredibly awkward many parts of that movie would be.
 
2012-11-13 02:30:23 PM  

Stray Cat Strut: Brings back memories. I remember having a profile on hotornot (or some such site) when I was literally 15 or so and the sheer volume of pervs who wrote me despite me admitting my age was disgusting. I was 15 though so I thought that made me hot shiat. Reading through that made my skin crawl a little.


www.allmystery.de
 
2012-11-13 02:30:56 PM  

corygavinjones: "At home from the docter. Had to get my arm refitted. Are u a Lakers fan?"


Brass. Arm is definitely better with more brass. And with a larger magazine.
 
2012-11-13 02:31:16 PM  
Trolls trolling trolls.

Who wants to bet he left off the part about posting a link to the profile on 4chan in between creating it and getting all those messages/page views?
 
2012-11-13 02:31:50 PM  
Yea.. and she showed me some of the PMs she got from dudes.
HILARIOUS!

She actually wrote me. I Favorited her, but did not write her and offer to show her my willy. She was intrigued by that. That shows how sad and deviant most of the guys who write are when the guy who catches your eye is the one who did not write you anything.
 
2012-11-13 02:31:53 PM  
After my somewhat success on OKC I referred my sister to trying it out. 1) the more clever interesting guys who seemed perfect on paper, cute and had witty profiles that messaged her never got responses back. Because she was too overwhelmed with responding to other guys who were mostly just awful people. 2) she'd come home from awful dates and b*tch and moan about how there are no decent guys while I would open up profiles from the reject pile and scream "OMG THIS GUY WROTE IN HIS PROFILE THAT HE WOULD TOTALLY KILL A FRIDAY NIGHT WITH HIS DREAM WOMAN BY WATCHING OLD STEVE MARTIN AND MONTY PYTHON MOVIES!" (editor's note: she's a fan both those things)

Basically she used an algorithm that literally did all the hard work for her and she ignored every suggestion.

But I guess that's what happens when you have low self esteem.
 
2012-11-13 02:32:18 PM  

KatjaMouse: Then like a month after that relationship ended I had a drunken hookup with some random guy and now he and I are living together with a dog and picking out floral arrangements for the impending nuptials.


Funny how stuff like that happens, I was doing the online thing, the young professionals lunch thing, getting a few dates but not really meeting anyone interesting, then I decided to learn how to fly, first lesson I met my instructor, 3 days later we were dating, 3 months later we were engaged, but we couldn't get married until I finished my pilots license.
 
2012-11-13 02:32:36 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


You are cute...did you stop bringing up getting fingered by your cousin? You should stop that and start krumping...
 
2012-11-13 02:32:45 PM  
People are generally trainwrecks. Online dating allows a good first screening.
 
2012-11-13 02:34:14 PM  

KatjaMouse: scream "OMG THIS GUY WROTE IN HIS PROFILE THAT HE WOULD TOTALLY KILL A FRIDAY NIGHT WITH HIS DREAM WOMAN BY WATCHING OLD STEVE MARTIN AND MONTY PYTHON MOVIES!" (editor's note: she's a fan both those things)


How you doin'

/How about Fawlty Towers and the Young Ones?
 
2012-11-13 02:34:14 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


You would have much better luck if you liked krumping. Also, you should offer to touch a guy's penis for $45. If you do those two things, you'll have more luck.
 
2012-11-13 02:34:55 PM  
Met my now long-time boyfriend on OkCupid. Went on a bunch of OkCupid dates with a variety of guys before then. Nothing too weird to report. Mind you, this was in New York City, too. Then again, I think online dating is a lot different for gay men than straight men and women. Among other things, OkCupid actually weeds out the gay men looking for casual sex/weird fantasies/prostitution by not being something trashier like Manhunt or Adam4Adam (or Grindr, but that barely existed when I was using OkCupid).
 
2012-11-13 02:34:59 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?

Bloodninja

There ya go.


I just read this and was trying so hard not to laugh out loud at work that I shot snots out of my nose all over my computer.... THANKS JERK!!
 
2012-11-13 02:35:16 PM  
That guy took a great idea and turned it into a car wreck... with some imagination or a sense of humour that would have been awesome.
 
2012-11-13 02:35:28 PM  
Yes - because everyone knows young guys really look for a great PERSONALITY when looking for girls to date :)

I dated a really dumb chick. Was one of the best relationships I had. Dumb as a brick. I'm pretty sure she had a learning disability or two.
 
2012-11-13 02:35:35 PM  
This is TOTALLY not the creepiest girl profile I have ever seen on that site. Here are some highlights from the crap-fest I have seen there:

transformer men posting fake profiles as women
Underage juggalo *shudder*
Psychotic, racist redhead with a scary profile that puts the one FTA to shame
Stuck up women with profiles looking similar to what is FTA
Underage teens with profiles looking similar to what is FTA

This is really par for the course...story should have been handled by Ric Romero.
 
2012-11-13 02:35:48 PM  
And I thought hitting on Asian girls who clearly don't speak English was bad. Srsly what could you possibly have in common
 
2012-11-13 02:35:50 PM  

LazerFish: [www.myteespot.com image 217x400]


You forgot occuation, full on rapist.
 
2012-11-13 02:36:00 PM  
There are no girls on the internet.
 
2012-11-13 02:36:07 PM  
Someone did this on PlentyOfFish with a fat black chick's picture and typed everything in ebonics/ghettospeak. Pretty sad how low guys will go:

*My Fake Fat BLACK Girl POF Acc - Bodybuilding.com Forums
 
2012-11-13 02:36:18 PM  
What's the back story of that Bloodninja link? And i need a new keyboard.
 
2012-11-13 02:36:59 PM  

new_york_monty: LazerFish: [www.myteespot.com image 217x400]

Occupation: full on rapist


Beat me to it!
 
2012-11-13 02:37:21 PM  

sprawl15: That's why you have to have class: "Excuse me, miss, but I couldn't help but notice your mouth was empty."


Sorry to bother you, miss, but I need some directions. What would be the quickest way to get into your vagina?
 
2012-11-13 02:37:21 PM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: KatjaMouse: scream "OMG THIS GUY WROTE IN HIS PROFILE THAT HE WOULD TOTALLY KILL A FRIDAY NIGHT WITH HIS DREAM WOMAN BY WATCHING OLD STEVE MARTIN AND MONTY PYTHON MOVIES!" (editor's note: she's a fan both those things)

How you doin'

/How about Fawlty Towers and the Young Ones?


I think you meant to ask "How's SHE do'n" since I was not the subject of that post. But as for Fawlty Towers I know she liked that one. It's our older sister who relished in The Young Ones though. I didn't even know about it until we borrowed her box set last year.

I'm more of a Fry & Laurie girl myself.
 
2012-11-13 02:37:33 PM  

12monkeys: I once posed as a 15 year old girl and tricked a 30 year old internet creep into shaving his head. That was pretty effin' epic.


Ha ha! Joke's on you! I was going to shave my head anyhow.
 
2012-11-13 02:37:44 PM  

DeathCipris: Underage juggalo *shudder*


Must not go search for, must not go search for,

Was it as bad as the Juggalo Baby Funeral?
 
2012-11-13 02:38:01 PM  
If it's the least I can do, why do anything more?
 
2012-11-13 02:38:35 PM  

sycraft: It's also a good idea because you are likely to get a response and probably a date just because the guy will be impressed you contacted him. It is exceedingly rare in our culture.


It also had the nice advantage of introducing me to a lot of great guys with self esteem issues who had just dismissed me as someone who was "out of their league" for whatever reason. Kinda nice to end up dating a guy you think is awesome but who, in return, feels like he won a lottery.
 
2012-11-13 02:39:25 PM  

Dinjiin: rooftop235: She told me that they were separated for three years and that he still hadn't given up. as I was headed out the door she asked what was going on and I replied "I'm not here for this kind of drama" and left.

Smart move. Everyone I know who has dated people who were separated from their spouse noted that there was way too much drama because of it. There is a good chance that you'll end up being a pawn in some scheme to make the other spouse jealous. Others suddenly decide that they want to reinvent themselves once the divorce comes through and that you remind them too much of the turmoil of their former life.



Oh so true.

My general position was not to get involved in any sort of crap like that. Also avoided anyone who was "waiting someone out". No use in putting good effort into someone who was hung up on someone else.

Except once, when I let myself be the pawn. She was hot and crazy, I figured someone was going to fark her so it might as well be me. It was a great 2 months.
 
2012-11-13 02:39:29 PM  
I'll admit to OkCupiding. I've met a couple of really cool chicks, dated two of them (one ended up being nuts though, so there is that.) A few of the dates I went on were with crazy chicks, or chicks who ended up proving they are crazy, but for the most part I've either started a relationship with, or became friends with, most of the people I had conversations with for more than week on that site.
 
2012-11-13 02:39:51 PM  
I wish I met Stray Cat Strut online or in person once she was 18 or older. Damn you're cute.
 
2012-11-13 02:40:43 PM  
I LUV UR DOG Y U NO MESSAGE ME BAK?
 
2012-11-13 02:40:50 PM  
So glad I'm done with dating. I met some decent guys on Yahoo personals years ago, including my current boyfriend (of 5+ years) but was also contacted by some real weirdos. There were several who obviously didn't even read my profile where I said up front I don't have kids and don't want to have any (plus that was a searchable/filterable option which I had checked) and then sent me a message where they talk about how their favorite thing to do is "spend time with my kids."

Or my other favorite, the guys who had obvious generic messages they sent to every attractive girl in their city. I received one of those messages and then a couple weeks later, a friend of mine posted on MySpace a cheesy generic message she had received... and it was the exact same message I got, from the same guy! We had a good laugh and posted links to his profile for all our friends to see :-)

I never did try eHarmony, though I know a few people who met their spouses there (and my SIL met Babydaddy #2 there!) One night my then-roommate and I were bored and took eHarmony's free personality test and at the end, we both got the message "we're sorry but we are unable to match you to anyone at this time." Rejected! Probably because we're both atheists and neither of us want kids, EVAR.

I'm glad online dating has gained acceptance, even though as this story shows there are plenty of trolls looking for a quick hook-up or a scam. It was easy for me to meet people in school but I tend to be too shy to just walk up to someone and start a conversation. Having the initial icebreaker of chatting online or emailing back and forth helped me so much.
 
F42
2012-11-13 02:41:04 PM  
Let me get this straight...

Guy makes a fake dating profile pretending to be a cute girl, and then makes fun of the people he trolled for being lowlives.

Is that how you're telling that story? The guy pretending to be a bimbo isn't the lowlife in your story? Really?
 
2012-11-13 02:41:10 PM  

lordargent: In my case it's

Find 95% match.

Send intelligent e-mail.

Get no response whatsoever.


Did you mock the notion of God, pretend to like jazz, correct others' trivial mistakes, reference Kafka, and refuse to argue?
 
2012-11-13 02:41:22 PM  
i911.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-13 02:41:40 PM  

sycraft: Freudian_slipknot: Met my current boyfriend on OKCupid.

Found that the best way to meet decent guys was to email them first. The ones who are too busy to send out relentless messages to women on the internet seem to be the ones who are actually worth meeting.

All of the women I know who have had bad times only ever talked to the creeps who were trolling for sex, and the men spent all of their time trying to get the attention of the (mostly fake or crazy) women on the site.

/went on a lot of actually good, if not-quite-right dates
//only met a couple of creeps
///made some actual friends

It's also a good idea because you are likely to get a response and probably a date just because the guy will be impressed you contacted him. It is exceedingly rare in our culture. Women still by and large wish to be pursued, which makes sense since they then don't have to put their emotions on the line by risking the initial rejection. However it also means if you break that mold you put yourself ahead of those that don't.


I think women make a terrible mistake being passive in this regard. It's hard to be pursued if no one knows to follow. My wife and I met on line and she contacted me first. I rejected all women who wanted an endless email job interview, when I did this. I figured a couple of email exchanges was enough to decide if meeting would be in order. What I was shocked about is how quickly so many women were ready to jump into bed. I guess they thought that giving up the pussy early on was the way to cement a relationship. Or perhaps their experience was limited the pussy-trolls, who are in it for nothing else, and thought this the normal. One woman suggested we go to her place and get naked just after I had ordered us a second drink. I politely declined and couldn't stop thinking that she was setting herself up for a Looking Mr. Goodbar ending.
 
2012-11-13 02:41:54 PM  
I had scary weird crazy fun times meeting women off the internet 15 years ago.

scary...weird...crazy....people are crazy!
 
2012-11-13 02:42:14 PM  
I don't know, if she's willing to let her cousin finger bang her, she's probably willing to do some kinky arse shiat.
 
2012-11-13 02:43:18 PM  
It's a little bizarre that an adult would choose to include the fourth installment of a children's movie in their profile name for a dating site, but I digress.

Surely you jest sire. Go talk to HelloKitty1 - HelloKitty839845, SpongeBobsAngel - SpongeBobZenaPrincess and then talk to me.
 
2012-11-13 02:43:45 PM  

uknowzit: internet dating. yuk.

being in love and married 20 years to the same woman never felt so good.


This sometimes works. And is good*.

KatjaMouse: [...] Then like a month after that relationship ended I had a drunken hookup with some random guy and now he and I are living together with a dog and picking out floral arrangements for the impending nuptials.


This sometimes works. And is good*.

I'm halfway in-between those (call it "internet importing") and married. Together 12 years. It sometimes works. And is good*.

* For intelligent, thoughtful, non-asshole adults.
 
2012-11-13 02:43:53 PM  

KatjaMouse: After my somewhat success on OKC I referred my sister to trying it out. 1) the more clever interesting guys who seemed perfect on paper, cute and had witty profiles that messaged her never got responses back. Because she was too overwhelmed with responding to other guys who were mostly just awful people. 2) she'd come home from awful dates and b*tch and moan about how there are no decent guys while I would open up profiles from the reject pile and scream "OMG THIS GUY WROTE IN HIS PROFILE THAT HE WOULD TOTALLY KILL A FRIDAY NIGHT WITH HIS DREAM WOMAN BY WATCHING OLD STEVE MARTIN AND MONTY PYTHON MOVIES!" (editor's note: she's a fan both those things)

Basically she used an algorithm that literally did all the hard work for her and she ignored every suggestion.

But I guess that's what happens when you have low self esteem.


I generally share this observation.

My best friend and I decided to try online dating thing together as a dare, and we both me the love of our lives and future wives.

Meanwhile, my wife's best friend after a long string of a-hole boyfriends decided to give online dating a try and has had nothing but bad experiences. My wife has even stood over her shoulder and suggested profiles for her, but eventually the same scenerio always plays out. Any guy who seems half way intelligent and has his shiat together immediately gets lumped in her "lame/boring/pathetic" category (he's already got one strike against him simply because he's online dating) . If some guy writes in the the persona of an obnoxious a-hole and seemingly has the stare of a serial killer, he gets put in the "promising" category.

Moral of the story: If you have a really bad intuition about people, online dating isn't going to save you from your bad tastes.
 
2012-11-13 02:44:31 PM  
Rejecting people is a privilege for the beautiful people. The internet has made a digital bastardized version for the rest possible.
 
2012-11-13 02:44:31 PM  

LeroyBourne: I don't know, if she's willing to let her cousin finger bang her, she's probably willing to do some kinky arse shiat.


Umm... in that story, she got so drunk that she blacked out. Seems less like she let her cousin and more insidious.
 
2012-11-13 02:46:17 PM  

LargeCanine: WTF is krumping?

*uses internets*

That is a thing? Hmph.

I... I'd krump her.


Found this comment on a YouTube video for "krumping" that pretty much explains it quite adequately:

"I still haven't figured out what the hell krumping is. It just seems like being attacked by invisible bees, in an invisible mosh pit, with invisible marbles on the floor."
 
2012-11-13 02:46:35 PM  

Mudd's woman: What's the back story of that Bloodninja link? And i need a new keyboard.


As far as I know it was just some guy who had way too much fun trolling people trying to cyber on IRC back in the day. I first saw them on bash.org, but I'm not sure if that's where they came from.
 
2012-11-13 02:47:36 PM  
Uh, this profile looks indistinguishable from a LOT of actual profiles. Not one I'd reply to in a thousand years, but I've seen plenty that bad. The guy didn't try hard enough.
 
2012-11-13 02:48:38 PM  

Fark Rye For Many Whores: It's a little bizarre that an adult would choose to include the fourth installment of a children's movie in their profile name for a dating site, but I digress.

Surely you jest sire. Go talk to HelloKitty1 - HelloKitty839845, SpongeBobsAngel - SpongeBobZenaPrincess and then talk to me.


So TeenWolfToo isn't a good username? Dammit all to hell
 
2012-11-13 02:48:53 PM  

lordargent: cheap_thoughts: Find 95% match. Send intelligent e-mail. Get no response.


Yup.

Freudian_slipknot:Found that the best way to meet decent guys was to email them first. The ones who are too busy to send out relentless messages to women on the internet seem to be the ones who are actually worth meeting.

Yup. For me, it's that I don't want to send out impersonal messages scatter-shot or try to juggle multiple conversations (which just feels wrong). And I'm careful about messaging because you can only take so much of the no-response thing before it affects you.
 
2012-11-13 02:49:59 PM  
Hey wait, she look

Andromeda: xanadian: Boy, does that bring back memories...

I know the feeling *shudders*

I had an Ok Cupid profile back in my single days, and I don't think I met anyone actually worthwhile through it. Weirdest one was a guy I thought would be worth meeting, then over a drink to prove some point about why feminism is bad he asked me if I'd rather be raped or sent to jail for 20 years.


Well?
 
2012-11-13 02:50:20 PM  

liam76: new_york_monty: LazerFish: [www.myteespot.com image 217x400]

Occupation: full on rapist

Beat me to it!


Yeah... I love that scene. The look on the girl's face as Charlie says that is priceless!
 
2012-11-13 02:50:35 PM  
If you think this is bad you should check out the nastyness that is christiansingles.com
 
2012-11-13 02:51:14 PM  

Saiga410: If you think this is bad you should check out the nastyness that is christiansingles.com


At work now. Can I have a bite sized paraphrase?
 
2012-11-13 02:51:43 PM  
I've done online dating enough and have suffered through enough painfully bad dates that I read every word on a girl's profile. Poor grammar, republicans, or being incapable of carrying on simple conversation in email are all non-starters.

But I suppose if you're only looking to get laid then it probably makes sense to target the stupid.
 
2012-11-13 02:52:24 PM  

Saiga410: If you think this is bad you should check out the nastyness that is christiansingles.com


I've really wanted to create a fake profile using Old Testament ideals and see what kind of response I would get.
 
2012-11-13 02:52:54 PM  

JackieRabbit: One woman suggested we go to her place and get naked just after I had ordered us a second drink. I politely declined and couldn't stop thinking that she was setting herself up for a Looking Mr. Goodbar ending.


No but she probably had a crawl space stuffed full of bodies.
 
2012-11-13 02:53:27 PM  
Despite its flaws, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter was quite entertaining and the juxtaposition of the concept alone warrants its inclusion into any "favorite movies" list.
 
2012-11-13 02:54:06 PM  

Tom_Slick: Saiga410: If you think this is bad you should check out the nastyness that is christiansingles.com

I've really wanted to create a fake profile using Old Testament ideals and see what kind of response I would get.


Children: None - I had two daughters but one was rude to me so I had her stoned to death, and the other I sold to my neighbor in exchange for a cow.
 
2012-11-13 02:54:29 PM  

InmanRoshi: Any guy who seems half way intelligent and has his shiat together immediately gets lumped in her "lame/boring/pathetic" category (he's already got one strike against him simply because he's online dating) . If some guy writes in the the persona of an obnoxious a-hole and seemingly has the stare of a serial killer, he gets put in the "promising" category.


Ah, so you've met my aunt.

/Kidding, but cripes! Same BS.
 
2012-11-13 02:55:17 PM  

Zeb Hesselgresser: "Cousin fingering has to be a no no"

there you have it


since when?

/um...i mean...gotta go!
 
2012-11-13 02:55:23 PM  

JackieRabbit: One woman suggested we go to her place and get naked just after I had ordered us a second drink. I politely declined and couldn't stop thinking that she was setting herself up for a Looking Mr. Goodbar ending.


There was a 50 Shades of Grey thread yesterday that suggested that any women who were into BDSM had incredible low self esteem and were desperate enough for a man that they'd let that stuff be inflicted upon them.

Right there is the face of "low self esteem and desperate enough..."
 
2012-11-13 02:55:26 PM  

Saiga410: If you think this is bad you should check out the nastyness that is christiansingles.com


Anyone else see the Farmers only dating website commercials on ESPN? I thought it had to be a joke and then it keeps coming back on. Talk about a strange demographic...
 
2012-11-13 02:55:47 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


The problem seems to be carbohydrates.
 
2012-11-13 02:56:19 PM  

Mudd's woman: What's the back story of that Bloodninja link? And i need a new keyboard.


Bloodninja's exploits likely date from as early as 1997, judging from the references made, to about 2001. One of the earliest recorded trolls, he set about trolling the internet before it was common, let alone a national pastime as it is today. Nothing is really known of his identity (aside from a possible alias, "Loren") or his current whereabouts.

He is a legend among trolls.
 
2012-11-13 02:57:34 PM  

guilt by association: Someone did this on PlentyOfFish with a fat black chick's picture and typed everything in ebonics/ghettospeak. Pretty sad how low guys will go:

*My Fake Fat BLACK Girl POF Acc - Bodybuilding.com Forums


That is too choice!
 
2012-11-13 02:57:43 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Mudd's woman: What's the back story of that Bloodninja link? And i need a new keyboard.

Bloodninja's exploits likely date from as early as 1997, judging from the references made, to about 2001. One of the earliest recorded trolls, he set about trolling the internet before it was common, let alone a national pastime as it is today. Nothing is really known of his identity (aside from a possible alias, "Loren") or his current whereabouts.

He is a legend among trolls.


Ah yes... that takes me back. Damn I feel old.
 
2012-11-13 02:58:58 PM  
This seems to explain why I have better results on paid sites like Match than I've had on free sites. If all the women are getting deluged by these kinds of emails, it makes it much harder to cut through the noise.
 
2012-11-13 02:58:58 PM  

ManateeGag: cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.

maybe you should put in more misspellings. tart up your picture some. you're cute, but guys on dating sites are looking for girls who look like they would be willing to touch their penis after a dinner at the "Red Loster"


This! We guys are not exactly complex.
 
2012-11-13 02:59:54 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: I met one person on okCupid. Train wreck all the way.

I can deal with a nerdy single mom that's way into costuming and other comicon/ren faire stuff.
Couldn't deal with the clingyness, disinterested mothering, medical issues, incurable STD's and assorted neuroses.

Her friends were awesome, though.


I flat refused to get involved with any woman with children. I always appreciated when they would put pics of their kids in their profile. No time wasted at all!

I mean really... Your KIDS' pics on a dating site?! Yes yes, center of your universe, only thing that matters, etc. How about you log off the dick-browser and go be their mom?
 
2012-11-13 03:00:24 PM  

Schroedinger's Glory Hole: carbohydrates.


Don't be a dick.
 
2012-11-13 03:04:23 PM  
I'm on plentyoffish, but I rarely ever log on because any time I go there I just waste half an hour looking at disappointing profiles, get bored, and go do something else. I've probably skipped over some good ones, but damn, it's annoying to see so many put no effort into their profiles to differentiate themselves from the rest of the herd.
 
2012-11-13 03:05:22 PM  
A friend of mine did this, but used a picture of an extremely handsome man.

The number of dumpy, over-the-hill, ham-beasts out there who feel that they're entitled to the hottest guy possible is truly impressive.

I never thought I'd say this, but thank god I'm married...
 
2012-11-13 03:05:41 PM  
I had an okcupid account for a long time. Met my current gf of 2 years on there. POF seemed like a place to meet Christian women who wanted to complain to me that I wouldn't date a conservative.

I made the mistake of making a TF thread once and posting my profile. I'm a masochist. The name on there was halfdead, but it's been gone for a bit.

Katjamaus, there are women who enjoy BDSM. There are also an awful lot who know this is a solid scene to look for someone who will abuse them. And Nadaesque says hi.
 
2012-11-13 03:06:43 PM  

browntimmy: I'm on plentyoffish, but I rarely ever log on because any time I go there I just waste half an hour looking at disappointing profiles, get bored, and go do something else. I've probably skipped over some good ones, but damn, it's annoying to see so many put no effort into their profiles to differentiate themselves from the rest of the herd.


As a lady I never underestimated the importance of some well placed quips and a smattering of snark. In fact it worked in my favor a couple of times.
 
2012-11-13 03:07:01 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Well, your first problem is that Fark isn't really a dating site. Unless you have a profile elsewhere to be judged by.

Second, you have to be realistic about your expectations. Do you actively look for matches, or expect them to come to you? It's like throwing up a commercial website with no other marketing strategy. Who is going to look up your URL if they don't know you are out there? There's probably a lot of other profiles out there to choose from. How many guys (assuming that's your thing) include Kansas in their searches on that website?

Do you Allerpet your cats? If not, consider doing so, and advertise the fact. That says "I'm looking to share my life with someone" and moves you out of the "crazy cat lady" category (imo).
 
2012-11-13 03:07:45 PM  

Poorlytoldjoke: Katjamaus, there are women who enjoy BDSM. There are also an awful lot who know this is a solid scene to look for someone who will abuse them.


*raises hand* ummm... yeah. I know. I'm one of them. You should take a peek at the thread.
 
2012-11-13 03:08:18 PM  

I should be in the kitchen: One night my then-roommate and I were bored and took eHarmony's free personality test and at the end, we both got the message "we're sorry but we are unable to match you to anyone at this time." Rejected! Probably because we're both atheists and neither of us want kids, EVAR.


Sounds like you and your roommate should have scissored.
 
2012-11-13 03:08:50 PM  

Rent Party: chopit: Rent Party: I loved online dating. I never pulled more tail in my life than when I had an account on the pussy catalog known as "Match."

I've had a lot of 2-date relationships with girls I met on match. Generally it's me buying them dinner, followed by them not putting out. Meh, no chemistry. I did have luck with an intelligent young stoner in a doctorate program, but when she spontaneously told me she was a crazy pyromaniac, I stopped responding to her texts.

The easiest way to get rid of a woman is to tell her she's not the only one. Right after my divorce, I would have at least two, and as many as five on the hook. None of them knew about the others, as that would be just bad manners. I would always preface the first date introductions with "I'm just taking things slow and checking out the wading pool again." If one got clingy or crazy (and don't knock the pyros until you've tried the pyros) I'd simply let it slip that I had a date with a different woman later and can't see her that night. Then she gets to be all outraged and break up with me.

The trick to getting anyone to do anything is to get them to think it was their idea.


Interesting twist. I always told them up-front I was dating but never discussed it at length because none of them can handle honesty (unless it lines up perfectly with what they want it to be). I'm still with the one girl who didn't flip her shiz when I would bring up another woman.
 
2012-11-13 03:09:30 PM  
i had horribel diarreh earlier from all the halloween candy

:fap:
 
2012-11-13 03:09:31 PM  

KatjaMouse: Poorlytoldjoke: Katjamaus, there are women who enjoy BDSM. There are also an awful lot who know this is a solid scene to look for someone who will abuse them.

*raises hand* ummm... yeah. I know. I'm one of them. You should take a peek at the thread.


No, no. I get why he responded. Even I did the quizzical dog thing at your Weeners, which sounded like "Gosh some women are weird" instead of "Gosh some people are weird for thinking that some women are weird."
 
2012-11-13 03:10:05 PM  

LargeCanine: WTF is krumping?

*uses internets*

That is a thing? Hmph.

I... I'd krump her.


You just about matched my intended post, word for word...

"krumping"? This is a word? This is a thing???
 
2012-11-13 03:10:12 PM  

NCg8r: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: I met one person on okCupid. Train wreck all the way.

I can deal with a nerdy single mom that's way into costuming and other comicon/ren faire stuff.
Couldn't deal with the clingyness, disinterested mothering, medical issues, incurable STD's and assorted neuroses.

Her friends were awesome, though.

I flat refused to get involved with any woman with children. I always appreciated when they would put pics of their kids in their profile. No time wasted at all!

I mean really... Your KIDS' pics on a dating site?! Yes yes, center of your universe, only thing that matters, etc. How about you log off the dick-browser and go be their mom?


Eh, I'll do a single mom, no big. Might even date one. this girl in particular didn't go any farther in the profile than to mention she had a kid... it was how she went about being a mom for the couple of weeks we hung out that really killed it. "Oh you're not staying with you father tonight, so here's dinner and when you're done it's bedtime" Kid was 5 and the sun was still up.

I have a kid, so I understand the difficulty in dating as a single parent, but if you can't even pretend that you like the kid for the sake of company, you suck horribly. Everything was her life, her friends, her hobbies, her issues... the kid was just something that happened, and lived in a room in her apartment when it wasn't at the father's house.

Terribly sad, but might have been an off week. Never found out though, I bailed when we had to have the herp talk. No red spread for me.
 
2012-11-13 03:11:22 PM  

Aidan: No, no. I get why he responded. Even I did the quizzical dog thing at your Weeners, which sounded like "Gosh some women are weird" instead of "Gosh some people are weird for thinking that some women are weird."


It was more in response of what sounded like an individual woman who may, or may not, have reeked of desperation to get an internet date home just as the drinks were ordered.
 
2012-11-13 03:12:34 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: I have a kid, so I understand the difficulty in dating as a single parent, but if you can't even pretend that you like the kid for the sake of company, you suck horribly. Everything was her life, her friends, her hobbies, her issues... the kid was just something that happened, and lived in a room in her apartment when it wasn't at the father's house.


My kid drives me nuts but I'd still have to bite my tongue not to talk about the funny things he's done. So I don't think it was just an off week for her. That's just my random internet opinion.
 
2012-11-13 03:12:56 PM  
The thing that kills me the most is "I'm looking for an honest man who's not looking for sex"

Honey, if I guy tells you that he's not looking for sex, he's lying.
 
2012-11-13 03:13:12 PM  
I did the same experiment with a height of 5'11" versus 6'3" as the lone variable.
 
2012-11-13 03:13:23 PM  

NCg8r: dick-browser


funnied
 
2012-11-13 03:13:24 PM  

KatjaMouse: Aidan: No, no. I get why he responded. Even I did the quizzical dog thing at your Weeners, which sounded like "Gosh some women are weird" instead of "Gosh some people are weird for thinking that some women are weird."

It was more in response of what sounded like an individual woman who may, or may not, have reeked of desperation to get an internet date home just as the drinks were ordered.


It's all good. Except for those damn weeners.
 
2012-11-13 03:13:25 PM  

WhippingBoy: The thing that kills me the most is "I'm looking for an honest man who's not looking for sex"

Honey, if I guy tells you that he's not looking for sex, he's lying.


Or closeted.
 
2012-11-13 03:14:02 PM  

Aidan: KatjaMouse: Aidan: No, no. I get why he responded. Even I did the quizzical dog thing at your Weeners, which sounded like "Gosh some women are weird" instead of "Gosh some people are weird for thinking that some women are weird."

It was more in response of what sounded like an individual woman who may, or may not, have reeked of desperation to get an internet date home just as the drinks were ordered.

It's all good. Except for those damn weeners.


WEENERS! *shakes tiny fists*
 
2012-11-13 03:15:08 PM  
I've basically given up on online dating (and dating any other way). With OKCupid and POF, women's expectations are way too high. They are expecting a greek god millionaire that is ten years younger, so guys like me - your average looking middle age guy (ok, I'm being kind to myself) with a decent income (but not a millionaire) doesn't stand a chance unless I'm willing to date hugely obese women (who list themselves as "athletic" or "average"). No thanks. 

Oh, and women complained about guys not taking the time to write a long introduction. That's because after dozen times of spending forever to write the perfect message and getting no farking response at all, not even a "thanks but no thanks" we get a bit frustrated.
 
2012-11-13 03:16:41 PM  

InmanRoshi: My best friend and I decided to try online dating thing together as a dare, and we both me the love of our lives and future wives.

Meanwhile, my wife's best friend after a long string of a-hole boyfriends decided to give online dating a try and has had nothing but bad experiences. My wife has even stood over her shoulder and suggested profiles for her, but eventually the same scenerio always plays out. Any guy who seems half way intelligent and has his shiat together immediately gets lumped in her "lame/boring/pathetic" category (he's already got one strike against him simply because he's online dating) . If some guy writes in the the persona of an obnoxious a-hole and seemingly has the stare of a serial killer, he gets put in the "promising" category.

Moral of the story: If you have a really bad intuition about people, online dating isn't going to save you from your bad tastes.


Moral of the story: if you're a bad person, you'll meet bad people, whether online or at bars.


I remember when they did this study a while back. They had serial killers and other criminals look at video footage of people walking away (in other words, from behind). Some of the people were victims of rape, etc and some were random people. The "targets" selected by the serial killers were nearly 100% of the ones who had actually had crimes committed against them.

Some people are victims. They bring it upon themselves and open themselves up (lulz) for bad people.
 
2012-11-13 03:18:50 PM  

WhippingBoy: The thing that kills me the most is "I'm looking for an honest man who's not looking for sex"

Honey, if I guy tells you that he's not looking for sex, he's lying.


This. Otherwise he'd be at home spanking it.
 
2012-11-13 03:19:12 PM  

sycraft: It's also a good idea because you are likely to get a response and probably a date just because the guy will be impressed you contacted him. It is exceedingly rare in our culture. Women still by and large wish to be pursued, which makes sense since they then don't have to put their emotions on the line by risking the initial rejection. However it also means if you break that mold you put yourself ahead of those that don't.


This. As a guy, any girl that takes the time to send a message gets a response and most likely a dinner out of it just for the effort.
 
2012-11-13 03:19:21 PM  

KatjaMouse: WhippingBoy: The thing that kills me the most is "I'm looking for an honest man who's not looking for sex"

Honey, if I guy tells you that he's not looking for sex, he's lying.

Or closeted.


My ex dated a guy for awhile that she met on a christian single site. He didn't want sex till they were married. Turned out he was molesting her son (not mine).
 
2012-11-13 03:19:29 PM  
Glue?

Lol nevermind
So what are you looking for on this site?


LOL
 
2012-11-13 03:21:00 PM  

WhippingBoy: "I'm looking for an honest man who's not looking for sex"


Seriously. How farking hard can this truly be?
 
2012-11-13 03:21:00 PM  

Bullseyed: I remember when they did this study a while back. They had serial killers and other criminals look at video footage of people walking away (in other words, from behind). Some of the people were victims of rape, etc and some were random people. The "targets" selected by the serial killers were nearly 100% of the ones who had actually had crimes committed against them.

Some people are victims. They bring it upon themselves and open themselves up (lulz) for bad people.


I took self defense and I remember the first lesson wasn't kick 'em in the balls or scream fire. It was walking with your head up, shoulders back, and move your hips as if you meant business.
 
2012-11-13 03:21:35 PM  

Wettner: I didn't find anything wrong with the profile. Mispellings can be over looked, krumping can be learned, and chili is universal. But I would have thrown a flag on the field at the IMs. Clearly someone looking to get a rise.

BTW, I sent jenny90210@aol my penis back in the day and she NEVER got back to me! That biatch ruined my online experience!!


Seems to me that without a penis your whole life would be ruined, not just your "online experience"
 
2012-11-13 03:21:42 PM  

jst3p: My ex dated a guy for awhile that she met on a christian single site. He didn't want sex till they were married. Turned out he was molesting her son (not mine).


o.O
 
2012-11-13 03:22:14 PM  
Not surprising at all. Plenty of guys try to count coup with women, and they go for the ones that are too dumb to see through their BS.

A pretty, young, but dumb girl? That's not a turn off for your average dating site dude - it's a turn on!
 
2012-11-13 03:23:06 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: WhippingBoy: "I'm looking for an honest man who's not looking for sex"

Seriously. How farking hard can this truly be?


Hey, we're on there. Search for "open" and "polyamorous" in profiles.

\ only half kidding
 
2012-11-13 03:23:43 PM  

KatjaMouse: Bullseyed: I remember when they did this study a while back. They had serial killers and other criminals look at video footage of people walking away (in other words, from behind). Some of the people were victims of rape, etc and some were random people. The "targets" selected by the serial killers were nearly 100% of the ones who had actually had crimes committed against them.

Some people are victims. They bring it upon themselves and open themselves up (lulz) for bad people.

I took self defense and I remember the first lesson wasn't kick 'em in the balls or scream fire. It was walking with your head up, shoulders back, and move your hips as if you meant business.


This. Except I was taught to jam their nose up with the hard of my palm.

/dad was protective
 
2012-11-13 03:24:51 PM  

ManRay: Except once, when I let myself be the pawn. She was hot and crazy, I figured someone was going to fark her so it might as well be me. It was a great 2 months.


There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, so long as you go into the situation with absolutely no illusions as to what is happening and what is going to happen. And also with an exit strategy.
 
2012-11-13 03:25:29 PM  

KatjaMouse: Aidan: KatjaMouse: Aidan: No, no. I get why he responded. Even I did the quizzical dog thing at your Weeners, which sounded like "Gosh some women are weird" instead of "Gosh some people are weird for thinking that some women are weird."

It was more in response of what sounded like an individual woman who may, or may not, have reeked of desperation to get an internet date home just as the drinks were ordered.

It's all good. Except for those damn weeners.

WEENERS! *shakes tiny fists*


*shakes tiny weeners*

The shiat I put up with...
 
2012-11-13 03:25:57 PM  

dj_spanmaster: CapeFearCadaver: WhippingBoy: "I'm looking for an honest man who's not looking for sex"

Seriously. How farking hard can this truly be?

Hey, we're on there. Search for "open" and "polyamorous" in profiles.

\ only half kidding


But I don't do the internet dating thing... the 'search' buttons don't work that way in person.
 
2012-11-13 03:26:48 PM  

KatjaMouse: I took self defense and I remember the first lesson wasn't kick 'em in the balls or scream fire. It was walking with your head up, shoulders back, and move your hips as if you meant business.


It works wonders, for men as well. You give off cues that say you are competent and not to be farked with, far less people will. Also you generally increase your situational awareness by doing such things which means you can avoid trouble better.

When the police advocate "Refuse to be a victim," they aren't being snarky, they are offering advice based off of many years of crime statistics. The way you act, the way you present yourself to your surroundings can have a profound effect on how you are treated.

That, and strapping an AR-15 to your back :).
 
2012-11-13 03:28:02 PM  

KatjaMouse: SirDigbyChickenCaesar: KatjaMouse: scream "OMG THIS GUY WROTE IN HIS PROFILE THAT HE WOULD TOTALLY KILL A FRIDAY NIGHT WITH HIS DREAM WOMAN BY WATCHING OLD STEVE MARTIN AND MONTY PYTHON MOVIES!" (editor's note: she's a fan both those things)

How you doin'

/How about Fawlty Towers and the Young Ones?

I think you meant to ask "How's SHE do'n" since I was not the subject of that post. But as for Fawlty Towers I know she liked that one. It's our older sister who relished in The Young Ones though. I didn't even know about it until we borrowed her box set last year.

I'm more of a Fry & Laurie girl myself.


"Simon Caturis"
 
2012-11-13 03:28:39 PM  
...Um, this is surprising? That feels like looking at your average Facebook conversation, although I'll admit the profile is spectacular even for teh interwebs. But really, I go on Omegle and get the same level of competence with basic English.

/Scientists don't call it 'textspeak' to be cute, it's honestly managed to confuse the folks whose job it is to tell whether it's English or another language altogether.
 
2012-11-13 03:28:58 PM  
Ladies, I have the requirements in my profile. I may be willing to bend on the knowledge of physics equations, but there's no reason for you to not root for the Georgia Bulldogs and/or know the Fresh Prince theme song.
 
2012-11-13 03:29:21 PM  
I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.
 
2012-11-13 03:30:04 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: dj_spanmaster: CapeFearCadaver: WhippingBoy: "I'm looking for an honest man who's not looking for sex"

Seriously. How farking hard can this truly be?

Hey, we're on there. Search for "open" and "polyamorous" in profiles.

\ only half kidding

But I don't do the internet dating thing... the 'search' buttons don't work that way in person.


And thus your experience is limited to your circles and happenstance encounters at Publix. If you don't have many hot, honest guys in your circles, is it time to change circles?
 
2012-11-13 03:32:00 PM  

Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.


Or, you can be a jerk when she acts squirrely, tell her about the fake after-date you're about to have, and see if she changes her tune.
 
2012-11-13 03:32:27 PM  

theesir: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?

Bloodninja

There ya go.

I just read this and was trying so hard not to laugh out loud at work that I shot snots out of my nose all over my computer.... THANKS JERK!!


Let me wipe that up with this here blouse.
/Epic!
 
2012-11-13 03:32:48 PM  

Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.


You expected a kiss three hours after meeting this woman? Maybe she was picking up on your "creep" vibe...
 
2012-11-13 03:35:40 PM  

sycraft: When the police advocate "Refuse to be a victim," they aren't being snarky, they are offering advice based off of many years of crime statistics. The way you act, the way you present yourself to your surroundings can have a profound effect on how you are treated.


I was going to burble about my kung fu teacher (who is awesome) with something along these lines in response to KatjaMouse's excellent post. But I'll just say "This! This!" instead. I think of it more as "be awake". I'm always looking around at where I am because I'm easily distracted (ahem), but in comparison to a person shambling along wrapped up in their own head, I am miles more prepared for whatever happens (good or bad).
 
2012-11-13 03:35:41 PM  

OgreMagi: I've basically given up on online dating (and dating any other way). With OKCupid and POF, women's expectations are way too high. They are expecting a greek god millionaire that is ten years younger, so guys like me - your average looking middle age guy (ok, I'm being kind to myself) with a decent income (but not a millionaire) doesn't stand a chance unless I'm willing to date hugely obese women (who list themselves as "athletic" or "average"). No thanks. 

Oh, and women complained about guys not taking the time to write a long introduction. That's because after dozen times of spending forever to write the perfect message and getting no farking response at all, not even a "thanks but no thanks" we get a bit frustrated.


Try the following.

Shave the goofy beard and mustache. Dump the convertible. Get a short haircut and buy a nice sedan. An Audi or something. And buy a house if you don't have one. Point is, you want to look like a professional and not a mid-life crisis pimp.

Then do the following on your next date. Do not talk about yourself unless asked, and keep all answers under two minutes. Ask only questions about her. Do not talk about politics, ever. No fart jokes. No penis jokes. Never mention an ex or how hard it is in the dating world. Point here is that you want her to think you're comfortable in her presence, and not a simpering noob.

After, ask if you can call her again. If she says yes, wait three days. If she says no, then thank her for the experience and find a new one.

If you have a job, practice good hygiene, and can carry on a conversation there is no reason at all any man can't date successfully.
 
2012-11-13 03:39:08 PM  

DylanW: lordargent: cheap_thoughts: Find 95% match. Send intelligent e-mail. Get no response.

Yup.

Freudian_slipknot:Found that the best way to meet decent guys was to email them first. The ones who are too busy to send out relentless messages to women on the internet seem to be the ones who are actually worth meeting.

Yup. For me, it's that I don't want to send out impersonal messages scatter-shot or try to juggle multiple conversations (which just feels wrong). And I'm careful about messaging because you can only take so much of the no-response thing before it affects you.


Pretty much. The best conversation I've had on the site was with someone who I didn't notice was in Maryland(which is to say, 1000+ miles away) until part way through. As was usually the case she messaged me first, and either way it ended like they all always do, she eventually stopped responding. I try to send thoughtful messages, ask questions about things the mention on their profile, so on and so forth, and it's still very rare I get any responses. Got to the point where I very rarely bother anymore.
 
2012-11-13 03:39:45 PM  

Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.


This. Accessibility trumps compatibility when compatibility wants to play hard-to-get. Here's a hint... if you've been chatting on the dating site, calling or texting for more than a day or two, might as well consider the first date the second one, since you've likely burned through all of the getting to know each other chatter by this point. You don't have to fark the guy right then and there.... but if you want to play hard to get and make him work for even a bit of encouragement after the hours upon hours he's already spent putting himself out there and taking an interest in you.... don't be surprised when he says "fark it" and goes home with the waitress.
 
2012-11-13 03:42:05 PM  

Rent Party: OgreMagi: I've basically given up on online dating (and dating any other way). With OKCupid and POF, women's expectations are way too high. They are expecting a greek god millionaire that is ten years younger, so guys like me - your average looking middle age guy (ok, I'm being kind to myself) with a decent income (but not a millionaire) doesn't stand a chance unless I'm willing to date hugely obese women (who list themselves as "athletic" or "average"). No thanks. 

Oh, and women complained about guys not taking the time to write a long introduction. That's because after dozen times of spending forever to write the perfect message and getting no farking response at all, not even a "thanks but no thanks" we get a bit frustrated.

Try the following.

Shave the goofy beard and mustache. Dump the convertible. Get a short haircut and buy a nice sedan. An Audi or something. And buy a house if you don't have one. Point is, you want to look like a professional and not a mid-life crisis pimp.

Then do the following on your next date. Do not talk about yourself unless asked, and keep all answers under two minutes. Ask only questions about her. Do not talk about politics, ever. No fart jokes. No penis jokes. Never mention an ex or how hard it is in the dating world. Point here is that you want her to think you're comfortable in her presence, and not a simpering noob.

After, ask if you can call her again. If she says yes, wait three days. If she says no, then thank her for the experience and find a new one.

If you have a job, practice good hygiene, and can carry on a conversation there is no reason at all any man can't date successfully.


That sounds like a lot of work. biatching about how shallow women are is a lot easier.
 
2012-11-13 03:42:58 PM  
recently divorced
haven't dated in 15 years
You people are freaking me out
 
2012-11-13 03:43:59 PM  

Tom_Slick: DeathCipris: Underage juggalo *shudder*

Must not go search for, must not go search for,

Was it as bad as the Juggalo Baby Funeral?


Nah, not quite that bad. The way I remember it was just "WTF is that?"
 
2012-11-13 03:44:24 PM  

Rent Party: OgreMagi: I've basically given up on online dating (and dating any other way). With OKCupid and POF, women's expectations are way too high. They are expecting a greek god millionaire that is ten years younger, so guys like me - your average looking middle age guy (ok, I'm being kind to myself) with a decent income (but not a millionaire) doesn't stand a chance unless I'm willing to date hugely obese women (who list themselves as "athletic" or "average"). No thanks. 

Oh, and women complained about guys not taking the time to write a long introduction. That's because after dozen times of spending forever to write the perfect message and getting no farking response at all, not even a "thanks but no thanks" we get a bit frustrated.

Try the following.

Shave the goofy beard and mustache. Dump the convertible. Get a short haircut and buy a nice sedan. An Audi or something. And buy a house if you don't have one. Point is, you want to look like a professional and not a mid-life crisis pimp.

Then do the following on your next date. Do not talk about yourself unless asked, and keep all answers under two minutes. Ask only questions about her. Do not talk about politics, ever. No fart jokes. No penis jokes. Never mention an ex or how hard it is in the dating world. Point here is that you want her to think you're comfortable in her presence, and not a simpering noob.

After, ask if you can call her again. If she says yes, wait three days. If she says no, then thank her for the experience and find a new one.

If you have a job, practice good hygiene, and can carry on a conversation there is no reason at all any man can't date successfully.


This is completely wrong. Any guy can put a picture of himself up in a shirt--you want to show her that you're willing to bare it all, so a pair of cutoff jeans AT MOST. Also, you want her to know you have good taste in vehicles, so take a picture next to your truck or motorcycle. In addition, you'll want to weed out the liberals beforehand, and a subtle way to do this is to pose with your guns--even better, also with a freshly killed deer. Oh, and when you write them, and ask if they're ready to party, it doesn't matter if 99 girls out of 100 don't respond. Only takes the one!

[In all seriousness, all of the above has apparently been included in the profiles of men that have contacted my female friends online]
 
2012-11-13 03:44:33 PM  

notdorothy: recently divorced
haven't dated in 15 years
You people are freaking me out


Hey baby... I'm not like all the other guys...
 
2012-11-13 03:44:38 PM  

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


I ready your fark profile and my takeaway was "Likes cats way to much" but maybe your dating profile is different.
 
2012-11-13 03:45:52 PM  

dj_spanmaster: And thus your experience is limited to your circles and happenstance encounters at Publix. If you don't have many hot, honest guys in your circles, is it time to change circles?


Meh. Already dated them all. But there is a point to that. Rather than change, I like the term 'expand'.
 
2MS
2012-11-13 03:45:59 PM  

notdorothy: recently divorced
haven't dated in 15 years
You people are freaking me out


How YOU doin?
 
2012-11-13 03:46:22 PM  

Pud: But what was your answer? The rape or 20 yrs.?


Well, she's not in jail right now is she?
 
2012-11-13 03:46:42 PM  

jst3p: That sounds like a lot of work. biatching about how shallow women are is a lot easier.


Heh.

But seriously from what I hear (third-hand) from folks, this would go just as fairly for women as well.
 
2012-11-13 03:47:04 PM  

BHShaman: I met a great person on OKCupid (owned by Match.com).
We're still seeing each other weekly (we live an hour apart) after a few months and things are awesome.

What I found....

Craigslist: Twelventy Dozen Roses
Plentyoffish.com (chicks who just want to get some or hoping to snag a man)
OKCupid: Wide range of folks, from skeezers to professionals
Match.com: Higher maintenance group of people, pay wall might mean less skeezers but also means a bit more high maintenance folks who think they are your gift from god.
eHarmony: MARRY ME NOW!!!!

Just my sampling....
Take it for what you will...


That's about right, some level of experience on all of those sites except eHarmony (from friend's experiences, you got that one right too, but even higher maintenance).
 
2012-11-13 03:47:28 PM  

Rent Party: OgreMagi: I've basically given up on online dating (and dating any other way). With OKCupid and POF, women's expectations are way too high. They are expecting a greek god millionaire that is ten years younger, so guys like me - your average looking middle age guy (ok, I'm being kind to myself) with a decent income (but not a millionaire) doesn't stand a chance unless I'm willing to date hugely obese women (who list themselves as "athletic" or "average"). No thanks. 

Oh, and women complained about guys not taking the time to write a long introduction. That's because after dozen times of spending forever to write the perfect message and getting no farking response at all, not even a "thanks but no thanks" we get a bit frustrated.

Try the following.

Shave the goofy beard and mustache. Dump the convertible. Get a short haircut and buy a nice sedan. An Audi or something. And buy a house if you don't have one. Point is, you want to look like a professional and not a mid-life crisis pimp.

Then do the following on your next date. Do not talk about yourself unless asked, and keep all answers under two minutes. Ask only questions about her. Do not talk about politics, ever. No fart jokes. No penis jokes. Never mention an ex or how hard it is in the dating world. Point here is that you want her to think you're comfortable in her presence, and not a simpering noob.

After, ask if you can call her again. If she says yes, wait three days. If she says no, then thank her for the experience and find a new one.

If you have a job, practice good hygiene, and can carry on a conversation there is no reason at all any man can't date successfully.


Every time I see this dude's login, I think "Oh yeah, that's the guy who hates his ex and her teenage daughter." If I know that merely from reading a handful of posts on Fark, I can guess why he's not a highly successful dater.
 
2012-11-13 03:47:59 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?

Bloodninja

There ya go.



How in god's holy name has this trove of hilarity eluded me all these years?

Jesus-fark, I am completely embarrassing myself at work. That is the funniest goddamn thing I have read this year. Easily.
 
2012-11-13 03:49:36 PM  

HalEmmerich: DylanW: lordargent: cheap_thoughts: Find 95% match. Send intelligent e-mail. Get no response.

Yup.

Freudian_slipknot:Found that the best way to meet decent guys was to email them first. The ones who are too busy to send out relentless messages to women on the internet seem to be the ones who are actually worth meeting.

Yup. For me, it's that I don't want to send out impersonal messages scatter-shot or try to juggle multiple conversations (which just feels wrong). And I'm careful about messaging because you can only take so much of the no-response thing before it affects you.

Pretty much. The best conversation I've had on the site was with someone who I didn't notice was in Maryland(which is to say, 1000+ miles away) until part way through. As was usually the case she messaged me first, and either way it ended like they all always do, she eventually stopped responding. I try to send thoughtful messages, ask questions about things the mention on their profile, so on and so forth, and it's still very rare I get any responses. Got to the point where I very rarely bother anymore.


That is too bad. Maybe she was only interested in finding a mate on the site and decided she was wasting effort on someone 1000+ miles away.
 
2012-11-13 03:49:54 PM  

jst3p: That sounds like a lot of work. biatching about how shallow women are is a lot easier.


If a woman actually requires all that, she is rather shallow. A woman that only wants a man with a pricey car (Audis are generally $30k and up), owns a house, who only talks and asks about her and doesn't say much -IS- shallow. She wants a walking bank account that will puff up her ego.

There's a rather big difference between "Have good hygiene and carry on an intelligent conversation," and "Have plenty of things to show off your money and talk about nothing but her."
 
2012-11-13 03:50:17 PM  
Profile advice

Just be yourself.

And after everyone refuses to date you, simply acknowledge that you'll die alone.
 
2012-11-13 03:51:01 PM  

notdorothy: recently divorced
haven't dated in 15 years
You people are freaking me out


Oh man. I feel for you. Everything has changed since 1997. If something happens to my wife, I swear I'm finished. I wouldn't even go there again.
 
2012-11-13 03:52:43 PM  

Rent Party:
After, ask if you can call her again. If she says yes, wait three days.


static.cinemagia.ro

Approves
 
2012-11-13 03:52:44 PM  

WhippingBoy: Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.

You expected a kiss three hours after meeting this woman? Maybe she was picking up on your "creep" vibe...


Well, to be fair, he tried to push her head down to his crotch in hour two.
 
2012-11-13 03:53:03 PM  

sycraft: jst3p: That sounds like a lot of work. biatching about how shallow women are is a lot easier.

If a woman actually requires all that, she is rather shallow. A woman that only wants a man with a pricey car (Audis are generally $30k and up), owns a house, who only talks and asks about her and doesn't say much -IS- shallow. She wants a walking bank account that will puff up her ego.

There's a rather big difference between "Have good hygiene and carry on an intelligent conversation," and "Have plenty of things to show off your money and talk about nothing but her."


I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.
 
2012-11-13 03:54:43 PM  
I met my wife on OKCupid so I'm getting a kick out of these replies..
 
2012-11-13 03:54:50 PM  
If you are using misspellings as evidence of a low iq, then you need to misspell not just the little words, but the big ones like inspiration, immediately, and everyone as well. Obvious troll is obvious.

Bonus points for using supposably and for all intensive purposes.
 
2012-11-13 03:55:08 PM  

Shazam999: WhippingBoy: Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.

You expected a kiss three hours after meeting this woman? Maybe she was picking up on your "creep" vibe...

Well, to be fair, he tried to push her head down to his crotch in hour two.


You mean you're not supposed to do that?
 
2012-11-13 03:55:10 PM  

Aidan: I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.


Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.
 
2012-11-13 03:56:14 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: dj_spanmaster: And thus your experience is limited to your circles and happenstance encounters at Publix. If you don't have many hot, honest guys in your circles, is it time to change circles?

Meh. Already dated them all. But there is a point to that. Rather than change, I like the term 'expand'.


But you make the case for dating on OKC: it's harder to expand bigger than 'The Internet'.
 
2012-11-13 03:56:28 PM  

Bullseyed: She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.


Sounds like she's a hell of a lot brighter and more aware of how internet dating goes than you are.

The rule of internet dating is that your first meet up is NOT A FIRST DATE. It's a first-time-I've-ever met you. First date rules do not apply.

1) You ALWAYS meet in public. Giving an internet stranger your address (and knowledge that you don't have a big, burly boyfriend) is a great way to get all rapey-murdered.

2) You don't let the man buy you dinner. Or a drink. It gives them expectations that they deserve something in return. My strategy is always get to the public place first and order my own beer before the guy arrives, and pay for it up front. That way, if he's creepy I can bail instantly with no strings.

3) NEVER EVER try to kiss someone on a first internet meetup. If she throws herself on your mouth, react how you want, but you're not the one risking literal rapey-death by meeting up with strangers and trying to get physical before the invitation is expressly offered is a great way to send her running.

Remember, when you go on a first internet date you're afraid she might be fat or boring. SHE is afraid of being raped and murdered.

Act accordingly.
 
2012-11-13 03:57:15 PM  

optimistic_cynic: sycraft: It's also a good idea because you are likely to get a response and probably a date just because the guy will be impressed you contacted him. It is exceedingly rare in our culture. Women still by and large wish to be pursued, which makes sense since they then don't have to put their emotions on the line by risking the initial rejection. However it also means if you break that mold you put yourself ahead of those that don't.

This. As a guy, any girl that takes the time to send a message gets a response and most likely a dinner out of it just for the effort.


I only ever got obese single moms emailing me on those sites. The girls that interested me would seem to expect to be pursued.

As for the larger moms, its not my fault you ignored everything in my profile stating I want an active partner and no interest in kids of any age.
 
2012-11-13 03:57:32 PM  
It's funny but guys like that ruin online dating for those of us who were actually serious about it.

Although I loved OkCupid's new moderating section. Really enjoyed seeing the behind the scenes of all the f*cked up stuff going on.
 
2012-11-13 03:57:48 PM  
That's far from the most offensively stupid dating site profile I've seen, and even were it completely legit I've had decent relationships with dumber. At least on first glance, admittedly as the trolling progressed it got creepy.

Plus, it sort of has the tone of someone genuinely seeking a date, rather than just trying to inflate their ego or being pressured into the site by friends, which is the biggest filter criterion in online dating. You run into a lot of people that just... don't actually want a date at all, they're just generally lonely and should join a book club or take up Warhammer or something.

//Then, maybe I'm just desensitized, since the internet's been a thing most of my life and I don't expect the people around me to fill arbitrarily specific dramatic roles in the first place.
 
2012-11-13 03:58:55 PM  

sycraft: jst3p: That sounds like a lot of work. biatching about how shallow women are is a lot easier.

If a woman actually requires all that, she is rather shallow. A woman that only wants a man with a pricey car (Audis are generally $30k and up), owns a house, who only talks and asks about her and doesn't say much -IS- shallow. She wants a walking bank account that will puff up her ego.

There's a rather big difference between "Have good hygiene and carry on an intelligent conversation," and "Have plenty of things to show off your money and talk about nothing but her."


If a guy his age doesn't have a decent car and a house then it is very likely that man has made poor decisions somewhere along the line. While he still might be a good guy, there are good guys out there that have made better decisions and he is competing with them. It isn't about shallow, it is a matter of competittion.

"talk about nothing but her" for the first date, women wont want to admit it but generally that's what they want.


/divorced in my late 30's
//in a relationship now but "dated" for awhile, it isn't that difficult
 
2012-11-13 03:59:28 PM  

thecpt: Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.


depends on if you live in a city or not. if you live in a suburb or a rural setting, owning a decent car indicates you are likely succesful and can provide for yourself effectively.
 
2012-11-13 03:59:55 PM  

ChaosStar: I met my wife on OKCupid so I'm getting a kick out of these replies..


That's where I met her too, last week. She gives great head.
 
2012-11-13 04:00:17 PM  

keypusher: HalEmmerich: DylanW: lordargent: cheap_thoughts: Find 95% match. Send intelligent e-mail. Get no response.

Yup.

Freudian_slipknot:Found that the best way to meet decent guys was to email them first. The ones who are too busy to send out relentless messages to women on the internet seem to be the ones who are actually worth meeting.

Yup. For me, it's that I don't want to send out impersonal messages scatter-shot or try to juggle multiple conversations (which just feels wrong). And I'm careful about messaging because you can only take so much of the no-response thing before it affects you.

Pretty much. The best conversation I've had on the site was with someone who I didn't notice was in Maryland(which is to say, 1000+ miles away) until part way through. As was usually the case she messaged me first, and either way it ended like they all always do, she eventually stopped responding. I try to send thoughtful messages, ask questions about things the mention on their profile, so on and so forth, and it's still very rare I get any responses. Got to the point where I very rarely bother anymore.

That is too bad. Maybe she was only interested in finding a mate on the site and decided she was wasting effort on someone 1000+ miles away.


She messaged me first, that's the thing of it. I have no clue how she even found my profile in the first place. I kept chatting because it was interesting conversation but I'm guessing she stopped replying because she finally noticed where it said I lived. Beats me. Either way it wasn't really going anywhere except maybe making a friend, I'm not in the least bit interested in doing the long distance thing again, been there, done that.

/granted I say that while in a sort of weird area with someone I met at DragonCon this year.
//who also lives about 1000 miles away
///apparently I can't learn my lessons
 
2012-11-13 04:00:25 PM  
My roomate suggested I should try online dating. Probably because Ive hooked up with a few of her friends. It's her fault though, she invites 18-24 yr old girls over they run around in booty shorts and yoga pants yeah im not gonna flirt with em then. Ill jsut sit in my room and bate.
 
2012-11-13 04:01:01 PM  

thecpt: Aidan: I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.

Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.


One of the very best things about my wife is that I'm absolutely certain she would be unable to tell anyone the make/model of my vehicle. She is blind to vehicles as status. It's bizarre.

She still loves expensive shoes, clothes, vacations, housing, etc... So she isn't some enlightened subset of woman. Just does not give one cold shiat about cars.
 
2012-11-13 04:01:12 PM  

Aidan: The saddest farking thing is that I read the fake profile and it didn't really stand out as any worse than others I've read. Youtube comments come to mind...


I had the same thought, on of my friends have nieces that have Facebook profiles that look pretty much like that.
 
2012-11-13 04:02:06 PM  
I created an AWFUL profile, and used a "faces of meth" woman as my profile picture... and this gets TONS of hits.

i.imgur.com 

You'd think they'd realize it's a mug shot.
 
2012-11-13 04:02:09 PM  

jst3p: ChaosStar: I met my wife on OKCupid so I'm getting a kick out of these replies..

That's where I met her too, last week. She gives great head.


Spoken like a true OKCupid user
 
2012-11-13 04:02:11 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.

This. Accessibility trumps compatibility when compatibility wants to play hard-to-get. Here's a hint... if you've been chatting on the dating site, calling or texting for more than a day or two, might as well consider the first date the second one, since you've likely burned through all of the getting to know each other chatter by this point. You don't have to fark the guy right then and there.... but if you want to play hard to get and make him work for even a bit of encouragement after the hours upon hours he's already spent putting himself out there and taking an interest in you.... don't be surprised when he says "fark it" and goes home with the waitress.


had this pretty much exact thing happen. met cute girl on PoF. chatted and emailed for couple weeks. called on phone, talked every day for several days. set up date, went out to eat, back to my place for drinks and to watch crappy movie. Make out a little, and get the old "i am not going to sleep with you tonight". I hadn't really even made a real move yet, she just blurts it out there. I was like, "hey that's cool, but then why are you in my apartment drinking whiskey at 12 am...."

seriously. i liked the girl but I am just not going to play games with women. she left, I called another girl i know and got myself laid. didn't take the other girl out again. not because she didn't want to fark on what was the first real date but because that had made it clear that even after knowing her and talking to her for weeks, sex was still off the table.

i mean, what the fark? OF COURSE I want sex, I am a man.

why do women think there are men out there that don't want sex, and why do men put up with women that won't put out?

Girls - if a man asked you out on a farking date it is because he finds you sexually attractive and wants to penis you. It is just how we work. A good guy won't try to bang you the first time he meets you, but if the attraction is there, why play the hard to get game? sex is awesome. HAVE SOME.
 
2012-11-13 04:02:22 PM  

sycraft: jst3p: That sounds like a lot of work. biatching about how shallow women are is a lot easier.

If a woman actually requires all that, she is rather shallow. A woman that only wants a man with a pricey car (Audis are generally $30k and up), owns a house, who only talks and asks about her and doesn't say much -IS- shallow. She wants a walking bank account that will puff up her ego.


Horseshiat. This has nothing to do with women wanting a nice car, and everything to do with women wanting a man, and not a child.

If you cant afford an Audi, buy a Hyundai. Buy a nice used VW. Buy a car that doesn't scream "LOOK AT ME IN MY CAR!!!" which is why you want a nice sedan. The car is a mode of transportation. It is not a statement about yourself. If you like cars, buy an old project muscle car and keep it in your garage. It's good to have a hobby. It gives you something to talk about when she asks you questions. When she sees it, you can say "I've had it for a while but don't have a lot of time to work on it. It's going to be cool when it's done, though." And when you're with your guy friends and she hears you talking about all the turbo technical excellence that she really doesn't understand but likes that you know about, it's even better.

Taking a bath, driving a less than flashy vehicle, and owning a house all say "I am an adult." Not having to have the conversation be all about you says "I am confident enough to not have to try to impress you."


There's a rather big difference between "Have good hygiene and carry on an intelligent conversation," and "Have plenty of things to show off your money and talk about nothing but her."


Since no one but you is talking about the latter, I'd say the difference is so big you fell right in it.
 
2012-11-13 04:04:34 PM  

frepnog: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.

This. Accessibility trumps compatibility when compatibility wants to play hard-to-get. Here's a hint... if you've been chatting on the dating site, calling or texting for more than a day or two, might as well consider the first date the second one, since you've likely burned through all of the getting to know each other chatter by this point. You don't have to fark the guy right then and there.... but if you want to play hard to get and make him work for even a bit of encouragement after the hours upon hours he's already spent putting himself out there and taking an interest in you.... don't be surprised when he says "fark it" and goes home with the waitress.

had this pretty much exact thing happen. met cute girl on PoF. chatted and emailed for couple weeks. called on phone, talked every day for several days. set up date, went out to eat, back to my place for drinks and to watch crappy movie. Make out a little, and get the old "i am not going to sleep with you tonight". I hadn't really eve ...


She's using you, that's why. She leeches the free until you want payback.
 
2012-11-13 04:04:53 PM  

Private_Citizen: Not surprising at all. Plenty of guys try to count coup with women, and they go for the ones that are too dumb to see through their BS.

A pretty, young, but dumb girl? That's not a turn off for your average dating site dude - it's a turn on!


The bolded is unnecessary.
 
2012-11-13 04:05:00 PM  

thecpt: Aidan: I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.

Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.


They don't. The car is simply a way to tell something about the man. If the car is a pimpin convertable with dice in the window, that says something about the guy that drives it. If the car is a non-descript sedan that is clean on the inside, that also says something about the man.
 
2012-11-13 04:06:10 PM  

ChaosStar: jst3p: ChaosStar: I met my wife on OKCupid so I'm getting a kick out of these replies..

That's where I met her too, last week. She gives great head.

Spoken like a true OKCupid user


Just messing with you.

What the hell is up with OK cupid as a name? Way to set your sights low daters.

"I want to find someone to date, I think I will go to a place where the name literally means 'mediocre matchmaker'"

Why not "AmazingCupid"?
 
2012-11-13 04:07:08 PM  

Rent Party: It is not a statement about yourself.


mine is a statement about me. financial responsibility. It screams "I'd rather pay off student loans than have high initial cost, maintenance costs, and insurance payments." Honestly, buying a nice car out of school is the dumbest thing a lot of my friends are falling for.
 
2012-11-13 04:07:19 PM  

Rent Party: thecpt: Aidan: I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.

Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.

They don't. The car is simply a way to tell something about the man. If the car is a pimpin convertable with dice in the window, that says something about the guy that drives it. If the car is a non-descript sedan that is clean on the inside, that also says something about the man.


No, that's not entirely true. Some girls will suck your dick just because you have a BMW. Seriously. Hell, there's a G&M article about this middle aged pudgy journalist who had a BMW 5-series for a month as a social experiment, and chicks of all ages would come up to him just because of the car. He was amazed that such shallow women existed.
 
2012-11-13 04:07:36 PM  

jst3p: ChaosStar: I met my wife on OKCupid so I'm getting a kick out of these replies..

That's where I met her too, last week. She gives great head.


You bastard, new keyboard please.
 
2012-11-13 04:07:38 PM  

Rent Party: sycraft: jst3p: That sounds like a lot of work. biatching about how shallow women are is a lot easier.

If a woman actually requires all that, she is rather shallow. A woman that only wants a man with a pricey car (Audis are generally $30k and up), owns a house, who only talks and asks about her and doesn't say much -IS- shallow. She wants a walking bank account that will puff up her ego.


Horseshiat. This has nothing to do with women wanting a nice car, and everything to do with women wanting a man, and not a child.

If you cant afford an Audi, buy a Hyundai. Buy a nice used VW. Buy a car that doesn't scream "LOOK AT ME IN MY CAR!!!" which is why you want a nice sedan. The car is a mode of transportation. It is not a statement about yourself. If you like cars, buy an old project muscle car and keep it in your garage. It's good to have a hobby. It gives you something to talk about when she asks you questions. When she sees it, you can say "I've had it for a while but don't have a lot of time to work on it. It's going to be cool when it's done, though." And when you're with your guy friends and she hears you talking about all the turbo technical excellence that she really doesn't understand but likes that you know about, it's even better.

Taking a bath, driving a less than flashy vehicle, and owning a house all say "I am an adult." Not having to have the conversation be all about you says "I am confident enough to not have to try to impress you."


This is more like dating tips for the white collar worker.
 
2012-11-13 04:08:04 PM  

dj_spanmaster: Or, you can be a jerk when she acts squirrely, tell her about the fake after-date you're about to have, and see if she changes her tune.


More or less. By that point I had already learned to date 4 or 5 girls from POF at a time, so I really didn't care. Otherwise I wouldn't have gone for it at the end.
 
2012-11-13 04:08:56 PM  
I dunno, personally I found that Fark.com was a pretty helpful place in finding a husband/man to impregnate me.
 
2012-11-13 04:09:27 PM  

frepnog: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.

This. Accessibility trumps compatibility when compatibility wants to play hard-to-get. Here's a hint... if you've been chatting on the dating site, calling or texting for more than a day or two, might as well consider the first date the second one, since you've likely burned through all of the getting to know each other chatter by this point. You don't have to fark the guy right then and there.... but if you want to play hard to get and make him work for even a bit of encouragement after the hours upon hours he's already spent putting himself out there and taking an interest in you.... don't be surprised when he says "fark it" and goes home with the waitress.

had this pretty much exact thing happen. met cute girl on PoF. chatted and emailed for couple weeks. called on phone, talked every day for several days. set up date, went out to eat, back to my place for drinks and to watch crappy movie. Make out a little, and get the old "i am not going to sleep with you tonight". I hadn't really eve ...


I met my current GF online as well, same site, and well, sleeping together took some time. She was very conservative with such things, and actually gets creeped out if people she doesn't know well try to touch her.

Once we got really comfortable with the idea, we started to sleep together, and now she has no issues related to it.

I honestly don't regret having tow ork for it, even after we started dating. Was very worth it in the end.
 
2012-11-13 04:09:38 PM  
Although not at all the same thing, it brings back memories of the dating services I looked into back when I was single, before the internet services were as common as they are today. I had just moved to a city where I knew absolutely no one, so I decided to check out one of the services that kept sending me mail (I think it was Together. Not sure, it was a long time ago). The high pressure pitch they put on made car salesman look like wallflowers. After I reluctantly agreed to the low-priced-special-introductory-package-just-for-me-because-they-reall y-needed-my-type-of-profile plan, they then proceeded to set me up with only with women who in no way matched anything whatsoever in my profile. There were only two with any remote promise (for entirely different reasons). One was a very nice seeming girl who has recently met someone else she really liked, and she was sorry, but she didn't want me to waste the introduction since they'd already sent the card (I don't think she understood how that worked). The other was only promising in that she clearly would have had sex with me after our date, but she was so obviously emotionally damaged and potentially insane that even my 20's self wouldn't risk touching that. I actually felt pretty bad for her, not so much for having to walk out, or because she was a mess, although I did feel bad about those, but because, on top of all those other problems, she clearly couldn't afford the worthless high priced dating service she had been conned into.

A couple of years later, after a year or so relationship with someone met in a more traditional manner (bar) I decided to respond to yet another mailing from a different agency (Great Expectations, maybe) to see if they had anything better to offer (no, I wasn't very bright in those days). After the introductory spiel, the sales rep took me into an office and launched into the same kind of high pressure pitch the previous firm had done. I didn't like the pitch and certainly didn't like the high price. The rep would not take no for an answer, so I had to get up and walk out the door while she kept on pitching. When it became obvious that I really was leaving, she switched to yelling about what a farking loser I was and how I had no hope of meeting anyone so I better turn around and come back.

I met Mrs. Q a couple of months later in a more traditional way (at a friend's party). I hope both these services have since gone out of business, but I doubt it since there will always be suckers like me.

So, anyway, to bring back to topic, OK-Cupid sounds pretty good by comparison.

/Went on way longer than I thought I would. Guess I still needed to vent it after all these years.
 
2012-11-13 04:10:26 PM  

jst3p: ChaosStar: jst3p: ChaosStar: I met my wife on OKCupid so I'm getting a kick out of these replies..

That's where I met her too, last week. She gives great head.

Spoken like a true OKCupid user

Just messing with you.

What the hell is up with OK cupid as a name? Way to set your sights low daters.

"I want to find someone to date, I think I will go to a place where the name literally means 'mediocre matchmaker'"

Why not "AmazingCupid"?


No worries boss

I think it's more a statement than a description. Think "ok cupid, find me someone" instead of "mediocre matchmaker".
I would copyright that name though, if Plenty of Fish can pass then yours is pure gold.
 
2012-11-13 04:10:41 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?

Bloodninja

There ya go.


"I was great. You loved it."

So weird, that's what I say after sex.
 
2012-11-13 04:12:09 PM  
God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites
 
2012-11-13 04:12:38 PM  
memories of depraved hijinks of the mid to late 90s courtesy of the internet:

"You didn't sleep with her, did you? Why did you do that! Don't you know she's crazy and the state took her kids away?" her roommate said.

"No, right now go tell your husband how many pills you took. No! Go tell him right now!" I shouted into the telephone.

"Can you just give me a bj so I can go home?" I slurred drunkenly so she did.

"Well...you know...we didn't say we were dating exclusively," the foxy redhead pouted.

"You like it dirty, don't you?" the same redhead had asked previously. She was right.

"I don't know," I said. "It just feels weird getting high with your dad and little brother while your mom watches wheel of fortune and sucks on her oxygen mask." "Would it be better if I give you head?" she asked, already clawing at my zipper.

"So what time is your husband home?" I asked, wide-eyed at all the photographs of him around the house in his Marine uniform.

There were so many more but those are the bright spots that stick out right now. good times...good times.
 
2012-11-13 04:12:43 PM  
Short version of my dating site laugh-

Over lunch, the gal says, quite casually, "Yeah, I got that bipolar.", as if she were telling me about a cold or something.
 
2012-11-13 04:12:50 PM  

thecpt: mine is a statement about me. financial responsibility. It screams "I'd rather pay off student loans than have high initial cost, maintenance costs, and insurance payments." Honestly, buying a nice car out of school is the dumbest thing a lot of my friends are falling for.


but if you buy a terrible car because it has low initial cost, and you rely on that car for your livelihood, it still says something about you. there's nothing wrong with owning a clean, maintained late model camry. but owning an 87 buick that is spewing smoke out the back?
 
2012-11-13 04:13:18 PM  

thecpt: Rent Party: It is not a statement about yourself.

mine is a statement about me. financial responsibility. It screams "I'd rather pay off student loans than have high initial cost, maintenance costs, and insurance payments." Honestly, buying a nice car out of school is the dumbest thing a lot of my friends are falling for.


Is it clean? Do you keep it washed and in good running condition? Or does it have chicken nuggets stuck between the seats and a passenger area that has to be cleaned out with a shovel. That is the determining factor for "nice."

If you're fresh out of college, then you should drive something appropriate for someone fresh out of college, but that doesn't mean you have to be a slob about it, and you don't have to drive something outlandish. You can pick up Joe's Firebird pretty cheap, but I wouldn't recommend it. If it looks like a piece of shiat, your potential fresh out of college mates will probably go for the fresh out of college kid that at least takes care of his car.
 
2012-11-13 04:13:36 PM  

Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so not f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites


is that also what you meant?
 
2012-11-13 04:14:11 PM  

thecpt: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so not f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

is that also what you meant?


Exactly.
 
2012-11-13 04:14:11 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: This. Accessibility trumps compatibility when compatibility wants to play hard-to-get. Here's a hint... if you've been chatting on the dating site, calling or texting for more than a day or two, might as well consider the first date the second one, since you've likely burned through all of the getting to know each other chatter by this point. You don't have to fark the guy right then and there.... but if you want to play hard to get and make him work for even a bit of encouragement after the hours upon hours he's already spent putting himself out there and taking an interest in you.... don't be surprised when he says "fark it" and goes home with the waitress.


I agree with you fully. Everything you need to know about someone's personality is on their profile page. If you still "need to get to know them" you didn't read their profile. So the first date is the second or third already.

Not to mention, someone who doesn't kiss on the first date might as well go live with the Amish anyway.

If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway. But women today want it both ways: the guy has to do everything by the code of chivalry, and she still won't hold up her end.
 
2012-11-13 04:15:13 PM  

Shazam999: Rent Party: thecpt: Aidan: I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.

Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.

They don't. The car is simply a way to tell something about the man. If the car is a pimpin convertable with dice in the window, that says something about the guy that drives it. If the car is a non-descript sedan that is clean on the inside, that also says something about the man.

No, that's not entirely true. Some girls will suck your dick just because you have a BMW. Seriously. Hell, there's a G&M article about this middle aged pudgy journalist who had a BMW 5-series for a month as a social experiment, and chicks of all ages would come up to him just because of the car. He was amazed that such shallow women existed.


If you want a chick that will blow you because you have a BMW, then buy a BMW. If you want someone that is interested in *you,* you need to have a car that says "I do not identify with the vehicle I drive."
 
2012-11-13 04:15:16 PM  

ManateeGag: cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.

maybe you should put in more misspellings. tart up your picture some. you're cute, but guys on dating sites are looking for girls who look like they would be willing to touch their penis after a dinner at the "Red Loster"


I like that! Intentionally misspelling "Lobster" to mimic the "girl" in this article.
 
2012-11-13 04:15:38 PM  

Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway.


Guys, when a woman is absolutely insisting on paying her own way on a date? This is why. This attitude right here.
 
2012-11-13 04:15:51 PM  

Rent Party: thecpt: Aidan: I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.

Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.

They don't. The car is simply a way to tell something about the man. If the car is a pimpin convertable with dice in the window, that says something about the guy that drives it. If the car is a non-descript sedan that is clean on the inside, that also says something about the man.

 

I think it depends on your age & location. If you live in a city and you're on the younger side, not having a car/own place isn't as big of a deal (or it hasn't been in my experience). OTOH, if you're approaching 50, have no car, still have roommates*, then yeah, that'd be a pretty big red flag I'd think...
 
2012-11-13 04:16:04 PM  
I did the online dating thing after moving when I graduated college, but stopped after dealing with too many psychos/creeps. I relocated (again--for a job) and went back on to see who (if anyone) I could meet via OKC (meetup was just getting rolling about the same time and I live pretty rural). Again there were creeps (write decent profile, post reasonable pics, send thought-out message, get reply "I like ur boobs," repeat).

I finally got lucky and found a guy who I later bumped into at a mutual-interest meetup (which made me feel like a stalker, and he also felt like a creeper by recognizing me). He says he didn't get the creeps that I did, butwould write a relevant message and never get a reply, though that could be due to the pics of him holding assault weapons. In any case, things have worked out pretty well and we've been dating for 10 months.
 
2012-11-13 04:16:20 PM  

tlchwi02: thecpt: mine is a statement about me. financial responsibility. It screams "I'd rather pay off student loans than have high initial cost, maintenance costs, and insurance payments." Honestly, buying a nice car out of school is the dumbest thing a lot of my friends are falling for.

but if you buy a terrible car because it has low initial cost, and you rely on that car for your livelihood, it still says something about you. there's nothing wrong with owning a clean, maintained late model camry. but owning an 87 buick that is spewing smoke out the back?


Exactly. It's not about "OMG FANCY CAR!!!" It's about "He takes care of his stuff, so he's likely to take care of me."
 
2012-11-13 04:16:30 PM  

OgreMagi: I've basically given up on online dating (and dating any other way). With OKCupid and POF, women's expectations are way too high. They are expecting a greek god millionaire that is ten years younger, so guys like me - your average looking middle age guy (ok, I'm being kind to myself) with a decent income (but not a millionaire) doesn't stand a chance unless I'm willing to date hugely obese women (who list themselves as "athletic" or "average"). No thanks.


Given that you've managed to let us all know in no uncertain terms just how shallow and selfish you think women are -- in your first two sentences, no less -- and given that I've had you tagged in my favorites as a rape apologist pretty much forever (not trolling here, I'm serious) I would put forward the suggestion that your failures with women may have more to do with your attitudes towards them than any failings on their part.
 
2012-11-13 04:17:24 PM  

kxs401: Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway.

Guys, when a woman is absolutely insisting on paying her own way on a date? This is why. This attitude right here.


Yep. "Owes"? Bullshiat. I never even tried for a kiss on the first date, I suspect that is partially responsible for my high rate of success in securing the second.
 
2012-11-13 04:19:04 PM  
Glue.
 
2012-11-13 04:19:22 PM  

kxs401: Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway.

Guys, when a woman is absolutely insisting on paying her own way on a date? This is why. This attitude right here.


wait... so if more guys had this attitude the rest of us wouldn't have to pay for dates?
 
2012-11-13 04:19:33 PM  
So let me see if I can condense this:

Hipster with a major case of "I'm so much smarter than everyone else" writes a profile that doesn't appeal to him, and then is shocked that not everyone is looking for the same things he is.

Am I right? Am I, am I?

Really, though, this "experiment" was stupid and poorly thought out, and the sole purpose of it was belittling people who aren't exactly like him.

1) People don't expect most 23 year olds to be intellectual superstars. Most aren't. Even the well-educated and incredibly brilliant ones tend to be smart in that insipid pseudo-intellectual way that makes me want to stab a fork into my ears repeatedly after 15 minutes of conversation. I know this is a generalization, and there are rare exceptions, but for the most part I find that people rarely have anything terribly interesting to say until around 25. I know I didn't.

2) Misspellings. Most people don't care. Really. I know this might come as a shock to people who write long-form on AOL blogs (zing!), but the vast majority of the population of the world really doesn't read very often, writes even less, and generally assumes that so long as your writing is comprehensible then it's ok. And they have a point. As a professional writer, it hurts a little to acknowledge; most people read/write solely to pass on information with no regard to the inherent beauty of the written word. If reader managed to understand writer, and writer got their point across, the experience can be considered a smashing success for all involved.

3) Geico commercials are amazing, and easily better than most tv shows. On that note, it's obvious that the author doesn't have a high opinion of Katy Perry, Two and a Half Men, or Krumping. Some people do. Putting that in the profile was just a way for a middle-brow simpleton to assert his cultural superiority. A difficult task since I feel like people who spend significant time talking about how much better they are than everyone else are incredibly boring, devoid of intelligent thought or opinion, and are generally mindless sheep who are different from the people they ridicule only in the superficial sense that they conform to a different standard, and not in any real, meaningful way as they might assume.

4) Most glaringly, the author assumes that people message 23 year old girls on OK Cupid to find lasting, long-term, meaningful relationships with intelligent, thoughtful, assertive and confident women. They don't. Most people on most dating sites are looking for some ass for the weekend. It gets better as you age, and by the time you hit your mid-30s the dynamic is notably different (the data guys at OKC actually did a post about messaging by age group, look it up). But putting up a picture of a cute 23 year old girl with a profile of what appears to be a mild case of retardation proves nothing. Of course most of the messages are going to be stupid: it's a biased sample. This proves nothing, and the author should be taken out back and shot for thinking something so meaningless and full of fail somehow makes a profound statement about humanity.
 
2012-11-13 04:20:11 PM  

Ctrl-Alt-Del: OgreMagi: I've basically given up on online dating (and dating any other way). With OKCupid and POF, women's expectations are way too high. They are expecting a greek god millionaire that is ten years younger, so guys like me - your average looking middle age guy (ok, I'm being kind to myself) with a decent income (but not a millionaire) doesn't stand a chance unless I'm willing to date hugely obese women (who list themselves as "athletic" or "average"). No thanks.

Given that you've managed to let us all know in no uncertain terms just how shallow and selfish you think women are -- in your first two sentences, no less -- and given that I've had you tagged in my favorites as a rape apologist pretty much forever (not trolling here, I'm serious) I would put forward the suggestion that your failures with women may have more to do with your attitudes towards them than any failings on their part.


I've always considered this a bit of a chicken-egg problem. Does the misogyny cause the trouble finding a partner, or does the trouble finding a partner cause the misogyny? Or is it some of both?
 
2012-11-13 04:20:28 PM  

Bullseyed: If you still "need to get to know them" you didn't read their profile. So the first date is the second or third already.


Well, that's just completely false.

You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?

That's like saying that everyone's facebook is an accurate representation of themselves and their lives. It's not. At all.

Profiles are just for doing early, preliminary weeding out of people you definitely won't get along with or have any chance of being attracted to. If you think you're learning anything real off of them, well, that's why you have trouble with internet dating.

Just the way a person carries themselves as they walk into a room will tell you more about who that person actually is than the most carefully-written profile. The first meeting isn't even a date yet - it's just a chance to figure out if that's a person you actually want to go on a first date with.
 
2012-11-13 04:20:37 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?

Bloodninja

There ya go.


How in god's holy name has this trove of hilarity eluded me all these years?

Jesus-fark, I am completely embarrassing myself at work. That is the funniest goddamn thing I have read this year. Easily.

This
Pure Genius.
 
2012-11-13 04:21:04 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Pffft, amateur.

I was doing this in '09 with a "dream girl" profile and just shooting guys down. It was a blast.


Uh-huh...where's the story on that? I think the "amateur" has bested the...what do you call yourself? The seasoned expert?

Any of us who have touched the world of online dating have messed with someone at sometime. But we weren't clever enough to carefully document and make a rather hilarious article about it.

So....outdo him, expert! I eagerly await your hilarious web report. This sounds like it could be done in 2-3 days, so...shouldn't take you too long. Have it on my desk by Friday EOB.
 
2012-11-13 04:21:22 PM  

Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites


Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?
 
2012-11-13 04:21:59 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Bullseyed: If you still "need to get to know them" you didn't read their profile. So the first date is the second or third already.

Well, that's just completely false.

You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?

That's like saying that everyone's facebook is an accurate representation of themselves and their lives. It's not. At all.

Profiles are just for doing early, preliminary weeding out of people you definitely won't get along with or have any chance of being attracted to. If you think you're learning anything real off of them, well, that's why you have trouble with internet dating.

Just the way a person carries themselves as they walk into a room will tell you more about who that person actually is than the most carefully-written profile. The first meeting isn't even a date yet - it's just a chance to figure out if that's a person you actually want to go on a first date with.


Also, it's really hard to judge if there's any chemistry until you meet in person. I've had the most promising dates absolutely fizzle because something was just... missing... in person.
 
2012-11-13 04:22:05 PM  

Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway. But women today want it both ways: the guy has to do everything by the code of chivalry, and she still won't hold up her end.


Holy crap, are you for real? If you want to pay for her food, hold open the door for her, etc., feel free. But if you do so, she certainly doesn't "owe" you anything.
 
2012-11-13 04:22:05 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Remember, when you go on a first internet date you're afraid she might be fat or boring. SHE is afraid of being raped and murdered.


I accept your theory as plausible. She claimed she was new to internet dating because her friends were making her because she usually meets frat douches.

Not my problem to wait around while she gets over her mental issues though. If she's not ready, she shouldn't be dating.
 
2012-11-13 04:22:18 PM  

Rent Party: Is it clean? Do you keep it washed and in good running condition? Or does it have chicken nuggets stuck between the seats and a passenger area that has to be cleaned out with a shovel. That is the determining factor for "nice."

If you're fresh out of college, then you should drive something appropriate for someone fresh out of college, but that doesn't mean you have to be a slob about it, and you don't have to drive something outlandish. You can pick up Joe's Firebird pretty cheap, but I wouldn't recommend it. If it looks like a piece of shiat, your potential fresh out of college mates will probably go for the fresh out of college kid that at least takes care of his car.


I have the lowest maintenance lowest flash car that is the 2002 Saturn SL1. Its silver so no washing necessary unless I go off roading (can't happen as I have a whopping 100hp. The only mess is papers and hardhats in the back due to my job. I just don't understand the severe fixation on cars when there are much more important things to spend your cash on. Beer, cool apartment, and tv/pc are my fixes as well as treating school debt like I gain levels with every payment I make.
 
2012-11-13 04:22:35 PM  

Rent Party: Shazam999: Rent Party: thecpt: Aidan: I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.

Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.

They don't. The car is simply a way to tell something about the man. If the car is a pimpin convertable with dice in the window, that says something about the guy that drives it. If the car is a non-descript sedan that is clean on the inside, that also says something about the man.

No, that's not entirely true. Some girls will suck your dick just because you have a BMW. Seriously. Hell, there's a G&M article about this middle aged pudgy journalist who had a BMW 5-series for a month as a social experiment, and chicks of all ages would come up to him just because of the car. He was amazed that such shallow women existed.

If you want a chick that will blow you because you have a BMW, then buy a BMW. If you want someone that is interested in *you,* you need to have a car that says "I do not identify with the vehicle I drive."


thecpt was asking why chicks dig cars. I gave him an explanation, I don't know why you keep bringing up men in the conversation.
 
2012-11-13 04:23:15 PM  

gingerjet: Met my partner of 10 years over an online service so I'm getting a kick.


Met all three of my wives using online dating. Why no, I am not divorced, I live in Salt Lake City.
 
2012-11-13 04:23:34 PM  

mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?


Because I'm going to die alone. :)
 
2012-11-13 04:24:56 PM  

notdorothy: recently divorced
haven't dated in 15 years
You people are freaking me out


It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.
 
2012-11-13 04:24:57 PM  

Rent Party: Since no one but you is talking about the latter, I'd say the difference is so big you fell right in it.


No not really. I happen to own an A4, and a house, though not because it is anything that has anything to do with dating, I just like the A4. I also know what it costs, and am well aware Audi is the go-to brand for a "Pricey but not insanely pricey," and "Showy without trying to look like you are being showy," car. So when someone suggests that as a car to make yourself desirable, I am wary.

Also the house thing is rather silly. Where I live? Hell ya you get a house. It's cheap, even someone with a lower income can afford a reasonable one. However there are plenty of places, and plenty of careers, that do not lend themselves to home ownership. Far better to rent than to bankrupt yourself on a mortgage you can't afford, or to buy a house you will not keep because your job requires you to be mobile.

So no, sorry, my objection to your post isn't because I don't meet the criteria, it is because I feel the criteria are poor.
 
2012-11-13 04:24:57 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?


www.marketingpilgrim.com
bonjour
 
2012-11-13 04:25:24 PM  

Bullseyed: Not my problem to wait around while she gets over her mental issues though. If she's not ready, she shouldn't be dating.


That's not a "mental issue"

It's a reality of being a woman. And it's the SMART way to behave if a woman wants to keep on being not raped or murdered.
 
2012-11-13 04:25:35 PM  

desertgeek: Hyppy: This just in: most guys looking through dating sites just want to get laid.

Story at 11.

Yeah, pretty much this.

/Had an OKCupid profile
//Did not use it just to get laid
///Actually did try to get dates there
//Failed miserably
/All dating sites are pretty much a joke anyway


PlentyofFish is not a joke. These women have serious, mental issues.
 
2012-11-13 04:27:27 PM  

thecpt: I have the lowest maintenance lowest flash car that is the 2002 Saturn SL1. Its silver so no washing necessary unless I go off roading (can't happen as I have a whopping 100hp. The only mess is papers and hardhats in the back due to my job. I just don't understand the severe fixation on cars when there are much more important things to spend your cash on. Beer, cool apartment, and tv/pc are my fixes as well as treating school debt like I gain levels with every payment I make.


if your car crapped the bed tommorow, could you continue to make it to your job and bring home a paycheck? if you ran out of beer, had an apartment without granite countertops, didn't have a flat screen or had an old dell, would you be able to make it to your job and bring home a paycheck? what i'm trying to say is that a good car is usually the key to all those other things. Also, if you meet at a 3rd party location, it is your first worldy pocession the other person will see. Along with good hygene, it presents a snapshot of you. rightly or wrongly, everyone makes certain judgements based on first impressions. driving a beater car is a bad first impression.
 
2012-11-13 04:28:20 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?


It's not all that different from meat space life.

I am reminded of all the fellows I overheard telling the lasses that they were majoring in "pre-med" or "pre-law" at a school that offered neither.

Not to mention that fellow that was pulling a Marge Simpson with his 3 articles of Tommy Hilfiger clothing. (early 90s... so a bit more "impressive" than now).
 
2012-11-13 04:28:29 PM  

man metaphysical: This is so incredibly frkking stupid I don't even know what to say. First off you are a frkking loser if you have nothing better to do than make a fake okcupid account pretending to be a dumb girl. Secondly, everyone already frkking knows how low guys will stoop when they are trying to snatch some snatch. Ok I'm done but fuk all of you, really.


You sound lonely and sad. Perhaps your CL ad "Looking to rim" was flagged?
 
2012-11-13 04:28:49 PM  
I met my fiance by dating her best friend. Best friend and I decided to quit because it was just getting awkward. A few months later I IM'd her to see how she was doing (teacher, lots of school layoffs) and she started dropping hints that her best friend was single. Then a few days later I get an IM from her best friend. We met up at a bar, and lo she was pretty hot.

And that, as they say, was that.

However before that I tried my hand at online dating, and crashed/burned horribly. Only got messages from repugnant girls. The girls I did message were coonts who couldn't be bothered unless you had the "six pack photo" that they said they hated on their profile. It was then I discovered I was way better at real live dating. Amazingly it's not that hard to ask a girl out and get a yes. The hard part is actually getting up the nerve to start the conversation. It's like jumping into a cold pool - just do it and the sucky part is over almost immediately.
 
2012-11-13 04:29:39 PM  

Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)


What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.


Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?
 
2012-11-13 04:29:56 PM  

frepnog: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bullseyed: had this pretty much exact thing happen. met cute girl on PoF. chatted and emailed for couple weeks. called on phone, talked every day for several days. set up date, went out to eat, back to my place for drinks and to watch crappy movie. Make out a little, and get the old "i am not going to sleep with you tonight". I hadn't really even made a real move yet, she just blurts it out there. I was like, "hey that's cool, but then why are you in my apartment drinking whiskey at 12 am...."

seriously. i liked the girl but I am just not going to play games with women. she left, I called another girl i know and got myself laid. didn't take the other girl out again. not because she didn't want to fark on what was the first real date but because that had made it clear that even after knowing her and talking to her for weeks, sex was still off the table.

i mean, what the fark? OF COURSE I want sex, I am a man.

why do women think there are men out there that don't want sex, and why do men put up with women that won't put out?


Well, there are two possibilities. (1) She didn't want to have sex with you (2) she didn't want to have sex with you yet.

I recently reentered the dating scene after 20 years. Didn't know what I was doing, didn't know what to expect. Had a wonderful first date with a woman at work whom I had known for over a year. Had a wonderful second date, wonderful chemistry, tried to take her home, was politely rebuffed. She liked me very much, she thought I was a real prospect. But she wasn't going to sleep with anyone on a second date. Especially someone she thought she could build a relationship with.

We've now been dating for over a year, and it's been the best year of my life. I'm glad I didn't give up on her after that second date.
 
2012-11-13 04:30:04 PM  

dj_spanmaster: CapeFearCadaver: dj_spanmaster: And thus your experience is limited to your circles and happenstance encounters at Publix. If you don't have many hot, honest guys in your circles, is it time to change circles?

Meh. Already dated them all. But there is a point to that. Rather than change, I like the term 'expand'.

But you make the case for dating on OKC: it's harder to expand bigger than 'The Internet'.


Too much expansion for me, personally. It's great if it works well for others, just too much for me. I have to do the face to face thing.
 
2012-11-13 04:30:05 PM  

Antimatter: I met my current GF online as well, same site, and well, sleeping together took some time. She was very conservative with such things, and actually gets creeped out if people she doesn't know well try to touch her.

Once we got really comfortable with the idea, we started to sleep together, and now she has no issues related to it.

I honestly don't regret having tow ork for it, even after we started dating. Was very worth it in the end.


Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.
 
2012-11-13 04:30:32 PM  

Shazam999: Rent Party: Shazam999: Rent Party: thecpt: Aidan: I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.

Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.

They don't. The car is simply a way to tell something about the man. If the car is a pimpin convertable with dice in the window, that says something about the guy that drives it. If the car is a non-descript sedan that is clean on the inside, that also says something about the man.

No, that's not entirely true. Some girls will suck your dick just because you have a BMW. Seriously. Hell, there's a G&M article about this middle aged pudgy journalist who had a BMW 5-series for a month as a social experiment, and chicks of all ages would come up to him just because of the car. He was amazed that such shallow women existed.

If you want a chick that will blow you because you have a BMW, then buy a BMW. If you want someone that is interested in *you,* you need to have a car that says "I do not identify with the vehicle I drive."

thecpt was asking why chicks dig cars. I gave him an explanation, I don't know why you keep bringing up men in the conversation.


If you want to give him an explanation, you might start by not responding to me, then.

I bring up the men in the conversation because by and large, that is where the problem lies. Men attention whore through things like ridiculous cars and stupid hair cuts. What that says to women is "this guy is an attention whore." The other side of that equally bad coin is men that think their very special knowledge of whatever it is they like is going to impress the ladies. I'm quite sure you could sit and offer several dissertations on whatever it is you like, but she really doesn't want to hear it. She wants to tell you about her, and she wants you to *understand.*

Which is why you drive a nice non-descript sedan (so you're not an attention whore) and you try very hard to keep the conversation about her (so she can see how sensitive and understanding you are.)

Everyone that has an issue with this strategy also (purely by coincidence, I'm sure) is also thoroughly convinced that women are just a bunch of conniving money grubbers and that a nice guy like them just has no shot.

And it aint true. They invariably fail at one of the following.

1. Good hygiene.
2. Have a job
3. Carry on a conversation.
 
2012-11-13 04:31:07 PM  

scubamage: The hard part is actually getting up the nerve to start the conversation. It's like jumping into a cold pool - just do it and the sucky part is over almost immediately.


Cannot be emphasized enough.
 
2012-11-13 04:31:12 PM  

tlchwi02: if your car crapped the bed tommorow, could you continue to make it to your job and bring home a paycheck? if you ran out of beer, had an apartment without granite countertops, didn't have a flat screen or had an old dell, would you be able to make it to your job and bring home a paycheck? what i'm trying to say is that a good car is usually the key to all those other things. Also, if you meet at a 3rd party location, it is your first worldy pocession the other person will see. Along with good hygene, it presents a snapshot of you. rightly or wrongly, everyone makes certain judgements based on first impressions. driving a beater car is a bad first impression.


alright. good explanation. all i wanted. carry on.
 
2012-11-13 04:33:24 PM  

mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?


How much time do you have?
 
2012-11-13 04:35:04 PM  

Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?

How much time do you have?


Sounds like you have self-esteem issues. Do you drink too much and make poor decisions? If so you are just my type!
 
2012-11-13 04:35:42 PM  

Bullseyed: I should be in the kitchen: One night my then-roommate and I were bored and took eHarmony's free personality test and at the end, we both got the message "we're sorry but we are unable to match you to anyone at this time." Rejected! Probably because we're both atheists and neither of us want kids, EVAR.

Sounds like you and your roommate should have scissored.


I'm not going to post a pic of her, but EW! If I was a lesbian I could do so much better!
 
2012-11-13 04:35:45 PM  

Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?

How much time do you have?


26 minutes

make it snappy toots.
 
2012-11-13 04:36:57 PM  

Sticky Hands: Freudian_slipknot: You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?

It's not all that different from meat space life.



No, people still lie in real life, certainly.

It's just not as easy to do as it is online. I mean, when I meet up with someone for the first time, there's no way to crop his POV to make me look thinner, the way you can do in a photo. There's no way I can fake being cool because I'm actually awkward and that's obvious right away. You see the way I dress and you know something about what I prioritize in life and how I spend my money.

Hell, even the way I greet a person is going to give away how much interest I have in them, and vice versa. It's pretty easy to tell if the guy I'm meeting is looking me in the eye and actually listening or just putting up with it long enough to get laid.

Oh, and I can tell if you're lying about your height. I'm not super picky but damnit I'm 6' tall and I don't want to date someone I have to bend over to kiss. So don't lie and tell me you're 6' when you're only 5'8" at most and 85 lbs soaking wet or I'll pick you up and toss you into traffic on my way out the door.
 
2012-11-13 04:38:55 PM  

Bullseyed: Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.


If you think paying for things entitles you to any kind of physical intimacy, just save yourself the time and hire a hooker instead. You'll be less disappointed.
 
2012-11-13 04:39:17 PM  

Rent Party: If you want a chick that will blow you because you have a BMW, then buy a BMW. If you want someone that is interested in *you,* you need to have a car that says "I do not identify with the vehicle I drive."


That's the thing: I do identify with the vehicle I drive. In my case, it's a '93 Isuzu Trooper that I've repaired into working condition. Yeah, it has a few scars, and it doesn't have the best paint job, but the engine's strong, the inside is sinfully comfortable, and it can handle damn near any road conditions or weather you can throw at it. It's dependable and enjoyable, and it cost me a hell of a lot less than a brand new SUV which likely wouldn't have the same capabilities (but would have more cupholders).

If a woman can't get past the minor visual imperfections of my vehicle or gets hung up on the whole "its not new" thing, then what kind of gauge is she going to use to evaluate me as a person? Probably not a good one, I'd wager.
 
2012-11-13 04:39:34 PM  

Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites


Probably so not f*cked based on the outcome of most dating site "dates".
 
2012-11-13 04:40:54 PM  
What decent looking, halfway sane, single girl has a hard time finding a date in real life? Think about it. Women get hit on in grocery stores, parks, dog walks, social events, anywhere a guy can find someone, they'll get hit on.

Now ask yourself, what damaged, broken, horrifying woman has to resort to online dating to find someone. "I've got 8 kids". "Seriously, my herpes outbreaks are totally controllable". Get the picture?

Online dating is a last resort for women. EVERYTHING is a last resort for men. Why are people surprised at this?
 
2012-11-13 04:43:28 PM  

kxs401: Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway.

Guys, when a woman is absolutely insisting on paying her own way on a date? This is why. This attitude right here.


Because kissing is scary for little kids who are afraid of cooties.
 
2012-11-13 04:44:25 PM  

yukichigai:
That's the thing: I do identify with the vehicle I drive. In my case, it's a '93 Isuzu Trooper that I've repaired into working condition. Yeah, it has a few scars, and it doesn't have the best paint job, but the engine's strong, the inside is sinfully comfortable,


So your insides are sinfully comfortable? Tell us more.
 
2012-11-13 04:44:32 PM  
There are some things I'd like to point out here.
1. This girl is dumb enough to let me sleep with her.
2. This girl is dumb enough to believe that I have a twin brother.
3. This girl is dumb enough to believe that at some point I will be unable to locate that twin brother.
4. This girl is dumb enough to leave me alone at that point since I am not the brother that she wants to see.
Why wouldn't I talk to this girl?
 
2012-11-13 04:45:27 PM  

yukichigai: Rent Party: If you want a chick that will blow you because you have a BMW, then buy a BMW. If you want someone that is interested in *you,* you need to have a car that says "I do not identify with the vehicle I drive."

That's the thing: I do identify with the vehicle I drive. In my case, it's a '93 Isuzu Trooper that I've repaired into working condition. Yeah, it has a few scars, and it doesn't have the best paint job, but the engine's strong, the inside is sinfully comfortable, and it can handle damn near any road conditions or weather you can throw at it. It's dependable and enjoyable, and it cost me a hell of a lot less than a brand new SUV which likely wouldn't have the same capabilities (but would have more cupholders).

If a woman can't get past the minor visual imperfections of my vehicle or gets hung up on the whole "its not new" thing, then what kind of gauge is she going to use to evaluate me as a person? Probably not a good one, I'd wager.


You're not getting it. It isn't about a nice car. It is about I do identify with the vehicle I drive. In my case, it's a '93 Isuzu Trooper that I've repaired into working condition. Do you know how many women give a shiat about your Isuzu Trooper? Not a farking one, that's how many. If you identify with your car, that is about what your dating pool is going to be, too.

It wouldn't matter if you drove a 911 or a C class Benz. If that is what you identify with, women are going to find you boring as hell because women don't give a shiat about cars. They want you to be clean (your car is an example of that), they want you to have a job (because it's important for you to be independent) and they want you to be able to carry on a conversation (that is not about your farking car.)
 
2012-11-13 04:45:29 PM  

Renegade Pervert: Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?

This one

And another, same guy 

/nsfw language......


I laughed so hard I covered my face with my hands and hoped my co-workers would think I was crying.
 
2012-11-13 04:45:35 PM  

Bullseyed: kxs401: Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway.

Guys, when a woman is absolutely insisting on paying her own way on a date? This is why. This attitude right here.

Because kissing is scary for little kids who are afraid of cooties.


No, because they have gone out with creepy guys like you who think buying them dinner means they "owe" you physical contact.
 
2012-11-13 04:45:57 PM  

jst3p: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?

How much time do you have?

Sounds like you have self-esteem issues. Do you drink too much and make poor decisions? If so you are just my type!


jst3p: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?

How much time do you have?

Sounds like you have self-esteem issues. Do you drink too much and make poor decisions? If so you are just my type!


DANGER, DANGER, Theonceovertwice, stay away from that farker!
/ yes, I heard that in Robbie the Robot's voice as well...
 
2012-11-13 04:45:59 PM  
One time a girl told me in IM on the old Yahoo dating site, "I work in a law office, but also work part time as a dominatrix."
I had the presence of mind to fire back, "EW! You work in a law office???"

Thankfully she disconnected right then.

Oh yes, another (same site), started telling me some of her sexual fantasies, They were a little odd, and I thought she was joking, so I said,
"Have you considered therapy?"

She disconnected too. I'm a real charmer.
 
2012-11-13 04:47:14 PM  

yukichigai: If a woman can't get past the minor visual imperfections of my vehicle or gets hung up on the whole "its not new" thing, then what kind of gauge is she going to use to evaluate me as a person? Probably not a good one, I'd wager.


sadly for you, thats not how human nature works. you can also say always wear the lucky jeans you've had for 30 years and patched back up. sure, they may be awesome and comfortable and the best thing, but to someone who doesn't know the history, you just look like a hobo. the good thing is, obviously, that not every single thing is weighted the same for each person. some people wont care. but you might need to work a bit harder in some other aspects of presentation for the "blind date" situations.

And of course, much less of this holds true for people who don't go through the more traditional dating situations. if you meet some girl when you're rock climbing, the fact that you're sweaty, wearing gross dirty clothing and driving a late model SUV is actually likely to be a net positive then if you meet in a bar for your first okcupid date :)
 
2012-11-13 04:47:59 PM  

Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?

How much time do you have?

26 minutes

make it snappy toots.


Short version: I have had my heart broken a bizzillion times, and I've broken a few, and I have learned over the years that I am not allowed to have nice things, and now I'm almost too old to have babies, and I'm sad, and it sucks, and and and f*ck it.

Yeah, that doesn't explain anything at all, but what am I supposed to do with 26 minutes when I have 39 years of tragedy to outline?

I'm also really tired of, "I don't understand why you're still single" and "you have plenty of time."

Bah!
 
2012-11-13 04:48:43 PM  

Sticky Hands: kxs401: Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway.

Guys, when a woman is absolutely insisting on paying her own way on a date? This is why. This attitude right here.

wait... so if more guys had this attitude the rest of us wouldn't have to pay for dates?


We wouldn't have to pay for dates, but they'd be with women who are too afraid of cooties to kiss someone on the first date.

Reminds me of the time I went out with this heavier chick. She wasn't that hot but tried hard (makeup, dressed nicely) and tried to pick something I'd like (a college comedy christmas skit SNL type show). It was nice but was more of a friend vibe, but when she wanted to make out I went for it because it was the polite thing to do.

She still tries to contact me to see if I want to go out again though. I don't block her on facebook because I'm not rude.
 
2012-11-13 04:49:22 PM  

Rent Party: because women don't give a shiat about cars


But that's the thing, they really do. Girls I know who don't seem to be superficial are able to identify cars by their model year if the car is in the upper echelon of common cars (BMW, Mercedes, Audi, etc.) Let's just say I didn't come across this attitude until I moved to CT.
 
2012-11-13 04:49:45 PM  

Lucidz: What decent looking, halfway sane, single girl has a hard time finding a date in real life? Think about it. Women get hit on in grocery stores, parks, dog walks, social events, anywhere a guy can find someone, they'll get hit on.

Now ask yourself, what damaged, broken, horrifying woman has to resort to online dating to find someone. "I've got 8 kids". "Seriously, my herpes outbreaks are totally controllable". Get the picture?

Online dating is a last resort for women. EVERYTHING is a last resort for men. Why are people surprised at this?


That's part of the problem. Getting hit on every time you go to the grocery store, park, dog walk, social event and anywhere guys are can make a decent looking, halfway sane, single girl get jaded over guys who come off as sleezeballs who want only to get laid.

It just might be that women turn to online dating to weed out skeevy dudes and they're not damaged, broken, or horrifying. They just don't want to be harassed constantly.
 
2012-11-13 04:49:47 PM  

Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites


I don't understand why you are still single! The good news is you have plenty of time!

/hang in there
 
2012-11-13 04:49:53 PM  

Bullseyed: Antimatter: I met my current GF online as well, same site, and well, sleeping together took some time. She was very conservative with such things, and actually gets creeped out if people she doesn't know well try to touch her.

Once we got really comfortable with the idea, we started to sleep together, and now she has no issues related to it.

I honestly don't regret having tow ork for it, even after we started dating. Was very worth it in the end.

Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.


You announced the $250 tickets before the date was set? Of course she was using you... I mean Free Hockey!
 
2012-11-13 04:51:06 PM  

Lucidz: What decent looking, halfway sane, single girl has a hard time finding a date in real life? Think about it. Women get hit on in grocery stores, parks, dog walks, social events, anywhere a guy can find someone, they'll get hit on.


Yes. But approaching 100% of the time, the guys doing the hitting on are completely unwelcome. Believe it or not, there are plenty of women who aren't interested in the kind of alpha dog who feels comfortable hitting on a woman in public.

When I was an atheist living in an extremely Christian area, there's no point in even trying to date randoms because the vast majority of the time that one thing is going to keep us from going on more than 1 date. I'd much rather weed all of that out in the beginning by at least narrowing my search to people who aren't serious about religion.

Oh, and now that I live in the city? The guys who do hit on me are so gross and aggressive that I've taken to wearing no makeup and a crappy hat just to cut down on the times I have to fend off unwanted attention. And any guy who actively hits on a woman during her public transit commute is so socially tone deaf I doubt I'd date them anyway.

The reason there are so many more damaged girls on dating sites than normal ones is because the normal ones get snapped up fast. The damaged girls just always remain. It's like judging the quality of a store's product by looking solely at the clearance rack.
 
2012-11-13 04:51:07 PM  

jst3p: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?

How much time do you have?

Sounds like you have self-esteem issues. Do you drink too much and make poor decisions? If so you are just my type!


I USED to make poor decisions. Now I make NO decisions. My self-esteem was fine for a long time, and then it went downhill. Now I'm trying to fix it by not making poor decisions, but I'm also in hiding from the outside world because I don't trust myself.

Trying to cut back on the booze too. Not an alcoholic on any level, but I have been using it to cover up unhappiness, so that's not good.
 
2012-11-13 04:53:20 PM  

tamsnod27: jst3p: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?

How much time do you have?

Sounds like you have self-esteem issues. Do you drink too much and make poor decisions? If so you are just my type!

jst3p: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?

How much time do you have?

Sounds like you have self-esteem issues. Do you drink too much and make poor decisions? If so you are just my type!

DANGER, DANGER, Theonceovertwice, stay away from that farker!
/ yes, I heard that in Robbie the Robot's voice as well...


Not a problem. I'm steering clear of everyone.

/Bitter, party of one.
 
2012-11-13 04:53:58 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Bullseyed: If you still "need to get to know them" you didn't read their profile. So the first date is the second or third already.

Well, that's just completely false.

You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?

That's like saying that everyone's facebook is an accurate representation of themselves and their lives. It's not. At all.

Profiles are just for doing early, preliminary weeding out of people you definitely won't get along with or have any chance of being attracted to. If you think you're learning anything real off of them, well, that's why you have trouble with internet dating.

Just the way a person carries themselves as they walk into a room will tell you more about who that person actually is than the most carefully-written profile. The first meeting isn't even a date yet - it's just a chance to figure out if that's a person you actually want to go on a first date with.


If a woman wants to meet an honest guy, she probably shouldn't offend the honest guy by accusing him of lying about everything, directly or indirectly. And if a goodbye kiss is too intense, then she clearly isn't attracted to the guy in the first place and was looking to mooch some free stuff.

Makes sense actually... if you're thin and female and can't afford big ticket items like sporting events and concerts, make a fake profile professing your love of sport/band/whatever and wait for some sucker to plan a first date for you.
 
2012-11-13 04:54:24 PM  

jst3p: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

I don't understand why you are still single! The good news is you have plenty of time!

/hang in there


Haha! Thanks.
 
2012-11-13 04:54:47 PM  

Bullseyed: but when she wanted to make out I went for it because it was the polite thing to do.


Bullshiat. Leading someone on when you've decided you're not interested is never the polite thing to do.

It's just a coward's way to avoid confrontation.
 
2012-11-13 04:55:03 PM  
Wait...is this not an AW thread yet?

/impressive
 
2012-11-13 04:55:09 PM  

theesir: You announced the $250 tickets before the date was set? Of course she was using you... I mean Free Hockey!


She picked up the creep factor from him and wanted nothing more to do with him. I mean, we're on an anonymous internet forum and multiple people have picked up his creep factor without even being in any sort of close proximity to him. But yeah, free hockey! (miss the nhl)
 
2012-11-13 04:55:15 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Sticky Hands: Freudian_slipknot: You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?

It's not all that different from meat space life.


No, people still lie in real life, certainly.

It's just not as easy to do as it is online. I mean, when I meet up with someone for the first time, there's no way to crop his POV to make me look thinner, the way you can do in a photo. There's no way I can fake being cool because I'm actually awkward and that's obvious right away. You see the way I dress and you know something about what I prioritize in life and how I spend my money.


Not being a fashionista is typically looked at positively. I do hope that you don't go out in sweats or scrubs though, that's just plain rude. I don't think cool can be faked online, in face I suspect that is one thing that is easier to fake IRL, for example right this very moment I'm doing drugs, saying swears and wearing shades... yet my posts are horrifically nerdy.


Hell, even the way I greet a person is going to give away how much interest I have in them, and vice versa. It's pretty easy to tell if the guy I'm meeting is looking me in the eye and actually listening or just putting up with it long enough to get laid.

Oh, and I can tell if you're lying about your height. I'm not super picky but damnit I'm 6' tall and I don't want to date someone I have to bend over to kiss. So don't lie and tell me you're 6' when you're only 5'8" at most and 85 lbs soaking wet or I'll pick you up and toss you into traffic on my way out the door.


I think you should look into dating some hardcore KISS in the 70s fans. It would open up your dating pool, and them boots is badass.

Also get into dwarf tossing, you appear to have had enough practice to rise straight to the top.
 
2012-11-13 04:55:57 PM  

uberpest: Lucidz: What decent looking, halfway sane, single girl has a hard time finding a date in real life? Think about it. Women get hit on in grocery stores, parks, dog walks, social events, anywhere a guy can find someone, they'll get hit on.

Now ask yourself, what damaged, broken, horrifying woman has to resort to online dating to find someone. "I've got 8 kids". "Seriously, my herpes outbreaks are totally controllable". Get the picture?

Online dating is a last resort for women. EVERYTHING is a last resort for men. Why are people surprised at this?


That's part of the problem. Getting hit on every time you go to the grocery store, park, dog walk, social event and anywhere guys are can make a decent looking, halfway sane, single girl get jaded over guys who come off as sleezeballs who want only to get laid.

It just might be that women turn to online dating to weed out skeevy dudes and they're not damaged, broken, or horrifying. They just don't want to be harassed constantly.


This dichotomy amazes me. If a woman came up to me and said, "You are good looking. I would like to take you home, fill your ass crack with pudding and lick it out" I would be thrilled. Even if I didn't find her attractive I would see it as a compliment. But I try that and BAM I am no longer allowed within 500 feet of Kennedy Jr. High.
 
2012-11-13 04:56:04 PM  

Theonceovertwice: Trying to cut back on the booze too. Not an alcoholic on any level, but I have been using it to cover up unhappiness, so that's not good.


That's a tough spot to admit/figure out. I came to that realization at one point last year and immediately cut back. Now I'm back to drinking when having actual fun. Of course it can't dig you out of the hole you feel you're in but it's a very good step.
 
2012-11-13 04:56:17 PM  

Rent Party: Shazam999: Rent Party: Shazam999: Rent Party: thecpt: Aidan: I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.

Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.

They don't. The car is simply a way to tell something about the man. If the car is a pimpin convertable with dice in the window, that says something about the guy that drives it. If the car is a non-descript sedan that is clean on the inside, that also says something about the man.

No, that's not entirely true. Some girls will suck your dick just because you have a BMW. Seriously. Hell, there's a G&M article about this middle aged pudgy journalist who had a BMW 5-series for a month as a social experiment, and chicks of all ages would come up to him just because of the car. He was amazed that such shallow women existed.

If you want a chick that will blow you because you have a BMW, then buy a BMW. If you want someone that is interested in *you,* you need to have a car that says "I do not identify with the vehicle I drive."

thecpt was asking why chicks dig cars. I gave him an explanation, I don't know why you keep bringing up men in the conversation.

If you want to give him an explanation, you might start by not responding to me, then.

I bring up the men in the conversation because by and large, that is where the problem lies.


Gee, I'd think the problem are the shallow ladies that fark guys because of the car they drive, but you have thoroughly convinced me that it is not.

Christ, did you fall off a turnip truck yesterday? There are shallow, stupid, selfish women (men like to call them "bimbos") everywhere, just like there are shallow, stupid, selfish men. I mean seriously, have you never met women like that in your life?
 
2012-11-13 04:56:37 PM  
I had way more success on OKCupid here in Denver than I thought I would. Managed to land the best girl a guy could possibly ask for, we've been together two years now, and she was the person who introduced me to Fark.
 
2012-11-13 04:56:39 PM  

Rent Party: yukichigai: Rent Party: If you want a chick that will blow you because you have a BMW, then buy a BMW. If you want someone that is interested in *you,* you need to have a car that says "I do not identify with the vehicle I drive."

That's the thing: I do identify with the vehicle I drive. In my case, it's a '93 Isuzu Trooper that I've repaired into working condition. Yeah, it has a few scars, and it doesn't have the best paint job, but the engine's strong, the inside is sinfully comfortable, and it can handle damn near any road conditions or weather you can throw at it. It's dependable and enjoyable, and it cost me a hell of a lot less than a brand new SUV which likely wouldn't have the same capabilities (but would have more cupholders).

If a woman can't get past the minor visual imperfections of my vehicle or gets hung up on the whole "its not new" thing, then what kind of gauge is she going to use to evaluate me as a person? Probably not a good one, I'd wager.

You're not getting it. It isn't about a nice car. It is about I do identify with the vehicle I drive. In my case, it's a '93 Isuzu Trooper that I've repaired into working condition. Do you know how many women give a shiat about your Isuzu Trooper? Not a farking one, that's how many. If you identify with your car, that is about what your dating pool is going to be, too.

It wouldn't matter if you drove a 911 or a C class Benz. If that is what you identify with, women are going to find you boring as hell because women don't give a shiat about cars. They want you to be clean (your car is an example of that), they want you to have a job (because it's important for you to be independent) and they want you to be able to carry on a conversation (that is not about your farking car.)


You're not getting it either. Just because I identify with my car doesn't mean I don't identify with other things, too. Everyone does it: you buy things based on your judgement, which is shaped by your personality. I also identify with my computer, my movie collection, my clothes, my cat, and the food in my fridge. Just because I "identify" with something doesn't mean I do it at the exclusion of all other things, nor does it make me obsessed with the things I identify with, you presumptive jackass.

And that's another thing: if a woman is going to be turned off by me being passionate about some things she isn't, then I hope the door doesn't hit her ass on the way out. Empirically, 95% of women are passionate about clothing or makeup or antiquing, all things that I have zero interest in. For the right woman though, I'll gladly march through whatever bizarrely named store she wants to go to in search of whatever of those things she's passionately into.
 
2012-11-13 04:57:15 PM  

thecpt: Freudian_slipknot: You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?

[www.marketingpilgrim.com image 403x340]
bonjour


Good example. The girl is so shallow she won't date anyone who isn't a model. She saw his picture online and was ok with going on a date because he claimed to be a model.
 
2012-11-13 04:57:35 PM  

Lucidz: What decent looking, halfway sane, single girl has a hard time finding a date in real life? Think about it. Women get hit on in grocery stores, parks, dog walks, social events, anywhere a guy can find someone, they'll get hit on.

Now ask yourself, what damaged, broken, horrifying woman has to resort to online dating to find someone. "I've got 8 kids". "Seriously, my herpes outbreaks are totally controllable". Get the picture?

Online dating is a last resort for women. EVERYTHING is a last resort for men. Why are people surprised at this?


Getting hit on all the time does not mean you're getting hit on by people worth dating. Quite the opposite, usually, based on what my female friends tell me...
 
2012-11-13 04:57:52 PM  

thecpt: Rent Party: because women don't give a shiat about cars

But that's the thing, they really do. Girls I know who don't seem to be superficial are able to identify cars by their model year if the car is in the upper echelon of common cars (BMW, Mercedes, Audi, etc.) Let's just say I didn't come across this attitude until I moved to CT.


They really don't. They care that it is clean and that they are comfortable in it, and that it doesn't paint you as a pretentious douche. If that's a Ford Escort, great. If that's a CLS, great. Point is, ensure that it says "I take care of it" when you drive it.
 
2012-11-13 04:58:11 PM  
Wanting to bone someone is much different than wanting to have a long term relationship with them. I doubt any of those guys messaging her up were interested in putting a ring on her finger or discussing the meaning of life.

Sure, their judgement is questionable to the say the least, but who here hasn't mistakenly pursued a woman of less than satisfactory attributes?
 
2012-11-13 04:58:25 PM  

thecpt: Theonceovertwice: Trying to cut back on the booze too. Not an alcoholic on any level, but I have been using it to cover up unhappiness, so that's not good.

That's a tough spot to admit/figure out. I came to that realization at one point last year and immediately cut back. Now I'm back to drinking when having actual fun. Of course it can't dig you out of the hole you feel you're in but it's a very good step.


It gets really exhausting pretending to be happy around other people. Booze definitely helps/doesn't help.
 
2012-11-13 05:00:00 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Bullseyed: Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.

If you think paying for things entitles you to any kind of physical intimacy, just save yourself the time and hire a hooker instead. You'll be less disappointed.


If women don't like chivalry, they shouldn't put it on a pedestal.

Always remember, chivalry is based on the concept that women are property, not people.
 
2012-11-13 05:00:10 PM  

Bullseyed: If a woman wants to meet an honest guy, she probably shouldn't offend the honest guy by accusing him of lying about everything, directly or indirectly. And if a goodbye kiss is too intense, then she clearly isn't attracted to the guy in the first place and was looking to mooch some free stuff.


You completely missed the point, which I'm not surprised by.

EVERYONE LIES. Not even intentionally, but we all have an image of ourselves that doesn't meet reality. I could put in my profile that I'm good at karaoke because, damnit, I think I'm great. But to everyone else I'm awful. So it's a lie, though I didn't even know it.

Just like I'm sure you fail to put in your profile that you're solely interested in the sexual aspects and don't really care about a woman's company for its own sake. It's a lie, even if you just choose to omit it.

And you better bet that people don't EVER look like their photos. Not 100%. Even Brad Pitt's twin wouldn't get a kiss if he opened his mouth and had a row of meth teeth or had a voice like Gilbert Godfrey.

Or, perhaps, your personality in person was just that much of a turnoff. Or that you made a big deal about the money you spent since that's clearly a major hangup for you.. She's not here to ask though, so you never know.
 
2012-11-13 05:00:28 PM  
Met my husband on a paid online dating site. I tell him that he's the best $50 I've ever spent. He laughs because he had a coupon and only paid $25 for me. It helped that I was brutally honest in my profile about what I wanted / needed / and could contribute in a relationship, but that requires experience and self-awareness to know what you need and want.

/5 years so far.
 
2012-11-13 05:00:35 PM  

theesir: Bullseyed: Antimatter: I met my current GF online as well, same site, and well, sleeping together took some time. She was very conservative with such things, and actually gets creeped out if people she doesn't know well try to touch her.

Once we got really comfortable with the idea, we started to sleep together, and now she has no issues related to it.

I honestly don't regret having tow ork for it, even after we started dating. Was very worth it in the end.

Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.

You announced the $250 tickets before the date was set? Of course she was using you... I mean Free Hockey!


I'd make out with him for some hockey right now.
 
2012-11-13 05:01:03 PM  

Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites


You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.
 
2012-11-13 05:02:27 PM  

WhippingBoy: Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway. But women today want it both ways: the guy has to do everything by the code of chivalry, and she still won't hold up her end.

Holy crap, are you for real? If you want to pay for her food, hold open the door for her, etc., feel free. But if you do so, she certainly doesn't "owe" you anything.


When I unlock the passenger door and open it for her she shure as schucks owe me to lean across the car to unock the drivers door.

/that was my test when dating way way back when
 
2012-11-13 05:03:45 PM  

Theonceovertwice: jst3p: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

I don't understand why you are still single! The good news is you have plenty of time!

/hang in there

Haha! Thanks.


Sometimes people find their first real love in their 40s or later. It really is not too late.
 
2012-11-13 05:04:11 PM  

groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.


I fell for a crazy cat lady - despite me being a dog dude.

My pit bull actually gets along with her 3 cats - after trying to herd them for the first while. Seeing them chill next to each other is downright strange but the critters have found a nice peacefulness.

also Theonceovertwice i'd give you a hug if i could, maybe even sing Soft Kitty for you.
 
2012-11-13 05:04:14 PM  

Shazam999:
I bring up the men in the conversation because by and large, that is where the problem lies.

Gee, I'd think the problem are the shallow ladies that fark guys because of the car they drive, but you have thoroughly convinced me that it is not.


And right here is *exactly* the attitude that prevents most men from being successful with women. They're shallow, and they only care about someone who can buy them stuff.

You are my case in point.


Christ, did you fall off a turnip truck yesterday? There are shallow, stupid, selfish women (men like to call them "bimbos") everywhere, just like there are shallow, stupid, selfish men. I mean seriously, have you never met women like that in your life?


I'm the guy that has never had a problem finding a date. Want to know why?

I bathe, I have a job, and I can carry on a conversation. That last part is the real killer for most people, I think.
 
2012-11-13 05:04:31 PM  

Shazam999: Gee, I'd think the problem are the shallow ladies that fark guys because of the car they drive, but you have thoroughly convinced me that it is not.

Christ, did you fall off a turnip truck yesterday? There are shallow, stupid, selfish women (men like to call them "bimbos") everywhere, just like there are shallow, stupid, selfish men. I mean seriously, have you never met women like that in your life?


i think his point is more for the normal women, and not the bimbo. the type of person you want to date, not the type you just want to get a BJ from because she likes your BMW.
 
2012-11-13 05:04:49 PM  

Theonceovertwice: It gets really exhausting pretending to be happy around other people. Booze definitely helps/doesn't help.


Exactly. And then you feel like you need to drink more to compensate for the lack of fun you're having, and then its a downward spiral and having awful night and feeling worse about everything the next day.

Just because I'm actually curious at this point and hopeful of your well being, are you figuring out/addressing your problems?
 
2012-11-13 05:04:49 PM  

groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.


I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.
 
2012-11-13 05:05:14 PM  

tlchwi02: yukichigai: If a woman can't get past the minor visual imperfections of my vehicle or gets hung up on the whole "its not new" thing, then what kind of gauge is she going to use to evaluate me as a person? Probably not a good one, I'd wager.

sadly for you, thats not how human nature works. you can also say always wear the lucky jeans you've had for 30 years and patched back up. sure, they may be awesome and comfortable and the best thing, but to someone who doesn't know the history, you just look like a hobo. the good thing is, obviously, that not every single thing is weighted the same for each person. some people wont care. but you might need to work a bit harder in some other aspects of presentation for the "blind date" situations.

And of course, much less of this holds true for people who don't go through the more traditional dating situations. if you meet some girl when you're rock climbing, the fact that you're sweaty, wearing gross dirty clothing and driving a late model SUV is actually likely to be a net positive then if you meet in a bar for your first okcupid date :)


Clothes are a bit different though. For one, you don't have to take out a loan to buy new ones. For two, their express purpose is to cover your skin AND make you look good. Theoretically, the purpose of a car is to get you from point A to point B safely and comfortably. Undervaluing someone because their mode of transportation doesn't meet some aesthetic standard that can only be remedied by buying an entirely new car is almost the definition of materialism.

As far as the comparison though, I wasn't talking about her evaluating my clothing, but me in general. I'm not a six-pack ab guy, my body has its share of scars and imperfections. If a woman can't bother seeing past those things on my car, chances are she won't bother seeing past them on me either.
 
2012-11-13 05:06:03 PM  

Bullseyed: If women don't like chivalry, they shouldn't put it on a pedestal.

Always remember, chivalry is based on the concept that women are property, not people.


That's an adorable, completely stereotypical comment that makes me think you've never met an actual woman above the age of 22.

"Women" actually encompasses a vast and varied group of individuals with different hopes, dreams, preferences and turn-ons. Perhaps - just perhaps - if you can remember there's not just one kind of woman and stop associating with the individuals you don't respect, you'd have more luck in your romantic life.
 
2012-11-13 05:06:40 PM  

keypusher: Theonceovertwice: jst3p: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

I don't understand why you are still single! The good news is you have plenty of time!

/hang in there

Haha! Thanks.

Sometimes people find their first real love in their 40s or later. It really is not too late.


Well, I found my first love at 17, but I'll take my 6th or 7th love in my 40s.
 
2012-11-13 05:06:49 PM  

Theonceovertwice: I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.


lizards and/or snakes. also, they scare people. win/win
 
2012-11-13 05:07:00 PM  

Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?

How much time do you have?

26 minutes

make it snappy toots.

Short version: I have had my heart broken a bizzillion times, and I've broken a few, and I have learned over the years that I am not allowed to have nice things, and now I'm almost too old to have babies, and I'm sad, and it sucks, and and and f*ck it.

Yeah, that doesn't explain anything at all, but what am I supposed to do with 26 minutes when I have 39 years of tragedy to outline?

I'm also really tired of, "I don't understand why you're still single" and "you have plenty of time."

Bah!



I suspect we all get that "not allowed to have nice things" feeling sometimes.
or at least those of us that didn't with the lottery of circumstance.
I know I had that feeling on the way into work just this morning.
the good news is that for a lot of us that "fark it" moment tends to lead to a better state.

// and good car insurance? naw... I'm sticking with that sassy flo.
 
2012-11-13 05:07:48 PM  

Rent Party: They want you to be clean (your car is an example of that), they want you to have a job (because it's important for you to be independent) and they want you to be able to carry on a conversation (that is not about your farking car.)


Sounds like you date some really boring women with very low standards. I've me quite a few women that are very interested in cars. In fact, there are a lot of them out there. Women that would sit and talk about the finer points of the Wenkel rotary until most listeners would make a polite excuse to leave. But this is neither here nor there.

The bigger point is that you mention a few points up about how women want someone that will sit there and listen to them and *understand*. But why should anyone give a shiat about paying attention to them if they don't care about paying attention to you? More importantly, why would you ever want to date a woman like this?

This is one of those bullshiat cultural stereotypes that people of a certain intelligence and life-path buy into completely, and it causes absolute misery to all involved. And then people wonder why adultery and divorce rates are so high for middle america and why sexual satisfaction between couples is so low. People create these absolutely abysmal dating caricatures, where the man isn't supposed to have hobbies that he ever shares, and the woman is supposed to be a giant attention whore who only cares about gossip and shopping, and people aren't like this normally. So they wear these bland masks and torture themselves rather than taking a risk. It's like homeowners who are convinced that they need to paint their house beige to keep property values up, even if they absolutely abhor beige.

And finally, you are a horrible human being for your promotion of this ridiculous double-standard, and for the damage you do to the romantic lives of millions every time you repeat this bullshiat.

/Why yes, I am in a healthy, happy, long-term relationship, why do you ask?
//I also quite enjoy dating, and have yet to have a truly bad date
 
2012-11-13 05:08:24 PM  

Expolaris: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I fell for a crazy cat lady - despite me being a dog dude.

My pit bull actually gets along with her 3 cats - after trying to herd them for the first while. Seeing them chill next to each other is downright strange but the critters have found a nice peacefulness.

also Theonceovertwice i'd give you a hug if i could, maybe even sing Soft Kitty for you.


Thank you. Virtual hug accepted. Also, I love dogs too. They are the best.
 
2012-11-13 05:08:28 PM  

theesir: Bullseyed: Antimatter: I met my current GF online as well, same site, and well, sleeping together took some time. She was very conservative with such things, and actually gets creeped out if people she doesn't know well try to touch her.

Once we got really comfortable with the idea, we started to sleep together, and now she has no issues related to it.

I honestly don't regret having tow ork for it, even after we started dating. Was very worth it in the end.

Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.

You announced the $250 tickets before the date was set? Of course she was using you... I mean Free Hockey!


Na.
 
2012-11-13 05:08:51 PM  
I did this a long time ago, before dating sites became widespread.. Some JFP type put out an add saying he was willing to fly some chick out to NYC to meet him. He shot down a friend of mine as being "too ugly", so I grabbed some pictures of this really hot chick to send him and he took the bait. Offered to fly my hairy ass out there.

Good times.
 
2012-11-13 05:09:11 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: "Women" actually encompasses a vast and varied group of individuals with different hopes, dreams, preferences and turn-ons.


Quit with the femi-nazi pycho babble and make me a sandwich. When a woman orders the Surf and Turf or invites herself on a hockey date at $250 a pop we all know she is putting out! She owes it.
 
2012-11-13 05:09:24 PM  
Tell the truth, yeah right. My Fraggle Rock obsession and night terrors are something they need to learn about in due time....IN DUE TIME!!!!!
 
2012-11-13 05:09:59 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Bullseyed: If women don't like chivalry, they shouldn't put it on a pedestal.

Always remember, chivalry is based on the concept that women are property, not people.

That's an adorable, completely stereotypical comment that makes me think you've never met an actual woman above the age of 22.

"Women" actually encompasses a vast and varied group of individuals with different hopes, dreams, preferences and turn-ons. Perhaps - just perhaps - if you can remember there's not just one kind of woman and stop associating with the individuals you don't respect, you'd have more luck in your romantic life.


You sound like a typical woman. Pffft!


;-)
 
2012-11-13 05:10:22 PM  

Saiga410: When I unlock the passenger door and open it for her she shure as schucks owe me to lean across the car to unock the drivers door.

/that was my test when dating way way back when


I always lean across and unlock the driver's door, even 10 months in. I'm not about to be lulled into a false sense of security in this relationship.
 
2012-11-13 05:10:33 PM  

Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.


Have you considered Tamagotchis?
the crazy would be unquestionable and I've never heard of an allergy to those.
 
2012-11-13 05:11:20 PM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Tell the truth, yeah right. My Fraggle Rock obsession and night terrors are something they need to learn about in due time....IN DUE TIME!!!!!


You might say they are

blog.gamesdaypodcast.com

worries for another day.
 
2012-11-13 05:11:23 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Oh, and I can tell if you're lying about your height. I'm not super picky but damnit I'm 6' tall and I don't want to date someone I have to bend over to kiss. So don't lie and tell me you're 6' when you're only 5'8" at most and 85 lbs soaking wet or I'll pick you up and toss you into traffic on my way out the door.


How you doin? :).

I do likes me the tall ladies.
 
2012-11-13 05:11:38 PM  

thecpt: Theonceovertwice: It gets really exhausting pretending to be happy around other people. Booze definitely helps/doesn't help.

Exactly. And then you feel like you need to drink more to compensate for the lack of fun you're having, and then its a downward spiral and having awful night and feeling worse about everything the next day.

Just because I'm actually curious at this point and hopeful of your well being, are you figuring out/addressing your problems?


Thank you for your concern! I am feeling very "stuck" in terms of figuring out my problems, and they are not just relationship related. If I felt good about other aspects of my life, I could handle one aspect not being good, but everything is pretty much sh*t, and I can't figure out how I got here! I need a drastic change of some sort.
 
2012-11-13 05:13:12 PM  

tlchwi02: Theonceovertwice: I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

lizards and/or snakes. also, they scare people. win/win


Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.
 
2012-11-13 05:14:23 PM  

Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

Have you considered Tamagotchis?
the crazy would be unquestionable and I've never heard of an allergy to those.


Tama-what?
 
2012-11-13 05:15:01 PM  

Theonceovertwice: dogs


images.wikia.com

media.screened.com

You could always go Scherbatsky! My little critter was my wingman in woo-ing my lady when she first came to my place - and dogs are the perfect wingman seeing as they aren't competing with me but only helping with endless adorableness.

/favorited as "Virtual Hug Recipient"
 
2012-11-13 05:15:59 PM  

yukichigai: As far as the comparison though, I wasn't talking about her evaluating my clothing, but me in general. I'm not a six-pack ab guy, my body has its share of scars and imperfections. If a woman can't bother seeing past those things on my car, chances are she won't bother seeing past them on me either.


well, sorry to say but human being make judgements about appearances and choices other people make. if you make choices about your clothes, your looks and you vehicle its going to hurt your "first impression" chances with some people. but a lot of it depends on the circumstances and the other person. if you show up for your first date with someone at a nice steak house with a bright red mohawk, a dozen facial piercings, leather jacket and ripped jeans, and you are driving a 1987 astro van with a mattress in the back, you're making some first impressions that no amount of conversation are likely to get you past. if you show up for your first date at an underground punk rock club with a bowl cut, khakies, doc martins with a sweater tied around your neck on a vespa, you're like to find yourself in the same situation.
 
2012-11-13 05:16:33 PM  

Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: mainstreet62: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

Does not compute. Why do you think you're in a bad situation?

Because I'm going to die alone. :)

What is this, I don't even.....

Theonceovertwice: It's a scary world out there. Good luck! I have given up completely.

Found the problem.

Why are you afraid of rejection?

How much time do you have?

26 minutes

make it snappy toots.

Short version: I have had my heart broken a bizzillion times, and I've broken a few, and I have learned over the years that I am not allowed to have nice things, and now I'm almost too old to have babies, and I'm sad, and it sucks, and and and f*ck it.

Yeah, that doesn't explain anything at all, but what am I supposed to do with 26 minutes when I have 39 years of tragedy to outline?

I'm also really tired of, "I don't understand why you're still single" and "you have plenty of time."

Bah!


I suspect we all get that "not allowed to have nice things" feeling sometimes.
or at least those of us that didn't with the lottery of circumstance.
I know I had that feeling on the way into work just this morning.
the good news is that for a lot of us that "fark it" moment tends to lead to a better state.

// and good car insurance? naw... I'm sticking with that sassy flo.


Yes, "fark it" leads to better circumstances because it's a sign of letting go of fear, right? Well, in my case, saying, "Fark it" must not mean much because I'm still terrified.
 
2012-11-13 05:16:42 PM  

Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

Have you considered Tamagotchis?
the crazy would be unquestionable and I've never heard of an allergy to those.

Tama-what?


They were little "virtual pets" from, where else, Japan. Basically a little dedicated pet game, but if you didn't take care of your virtual pet, it would die. All the rage like 15 years ago.
 
2012-11-13 05:17:27 PM  

Theonceovertwice: Thank you for your concern! I am feeling very "stuck" in terms of figuring out my problems, and they are not just relationship related. If I felt good about other aspects of my life, I could handle one aspect not being good, but everything is pretty much sh*t, and I can't figure out how I got here! I need a drastic change of some sort.


My heart goes out to you. My problem last year was simple and just took a lot of time, so I didn't mature much in overcoming it. Coming to Fark and laughing helped me, but you sound more outgunned than I felt. Sincerely, hope you overcome it soon.
 
2012-11-13 05:18:44 PM  

Expolaris: Theonceovertwice: dogs

[images.wikia.com image 499x282]

[media.screened.com image 624x352]

You could always go Scherbatsky! My little critter was my wingman in woo-ing my lady when she first came to my place - and dogs are the perfect wingman seeing as they aren't competing with me but only helping with endless adorableness.

/favorited as "Virtual Hug Recipient"


Ding, ding, ding! I think we have a winner.
 
2012-11-13 05:19:12 PM  

Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.


You could decorate your place in unicorns and hello kitty.
 
2012-11-13 05:19:32 PM  

sycraft: Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

Have you considered Tamagotchis?
the crazy would be unquestionable and I've never heard of an allergy to those.

Tama-what?

They were little "virtual pets" from, where else, Japan. Basically a little dedicated pet game, but if you didn't take care of your virtual pet, it would die. All the rage like 15 years ago.


Yep, way out of date, which is what adds to the crazy factor.
Collecting whatever is popular now is just regular old herding and perfectly normal.
 
2012-11-13 05:20:20 PM  

sycraft: Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

Have you considered Tamagotchis?
the crazy would be unquestionable and I've never heard of an allergy to those.

Tama-what?

They were little "virtual pets" from, where else, Japan. Basically a little dedicated pet game, but if you didn't take care of your virtual pet, it would die. All the rage like 15 years ago.


Oh yeah! I remember those. Creepy as fark and pointless too. Perfect for a crazy old lady. I'm not *quite* there yet.
 
2012-11-13 05:20:31 PM  

Theonceovertwice: Yes, "fark it" leads to better circumstances because it's a sign of letting go of fear, right? Well, in my case, saying, "Fark it" must not mean much because I'm still terrified.


With the "fark it" approach I don't think the fear is ever gone forever, but at least you make the most of the times when it's not there.
 
2012-11-13 05:21:18 PM  

Theonceovertwice: tlchwi02: Theonceovertwice: I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

lizards and/or snakes. also, they scare people. win/win

Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.


Ted approves of this...

img29.imageshack.us
 
2012-11-13 05:21:27 PM  

thecpt: Theonceovertwice: Thank you for your concern! I am feeling very "stuck" in terms of figuring out my problems, and they are not just relationship related. If I felt good about other aspects of my life, I could handle one aspect not being good, but everything is pretty much sh*t, and I can't figure out how I got here! I need a drastic change of some sort.

My heart goes out to you. My problem last year was simple and just took a lot of time, so I didn't mature much in overcoming it. Coming to Fark and laughing helped me, but you sound more outgunned than I felt. Sincerely, hope you overcome it soon.


You guys are awesome. Thanks. I loves me some farkers.
 
2012-11-13 05:21:40 PM  

sycraft: Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

Have you considered Tamagotchis?
the crazy would be unquestionable and I've never heard of an allergy to those.

Tama-what?

They were little "virtual pets" from, where else, Japan. Basically a little dedicated pet game, but if you didn't take care of your virtual pet, it would die. All the rage like 15 years ago.


I don't like animals but the kids wanted pets. I got them some of these:

2.bp.blogspot.com

They have fun going down their zip line:

images-p.qvc.com

and doing battle in their own Thunderdome!

www.mashupmom.com
 
2012-11-13 05:22:38 PM  

groppet: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

You could decorate your place in unicorns and hello kitty.


You just described a person who is my complete opposite.
 
2012-11-13 05:22:41 PM  

tlchwi02: yukichigai: As far as the comparison though, I wasn't talking about her evaluating my clothing, but me in general. I'm not a six-pack ab guy, my body has its share of scars and imperfections. If a woman can't bother seeing past those things on my car, chances are she won't bother seeing past them on me either.

well, sorry to say but human being make judgements about appearances and choices other people make. if you make choices about your clothes, your looks and you vehicle its going to hurt your "first impression" chances with some people. but a lot of it depends on the circumstances and the other person. if you show up for your first date with someone at a nice steak house with a bright red mohawk, a dozen facial piercings, leather jacket and ripped jeans, and you are driving a 1987 astro van with a mattress in the back, you're making some first impressions that no amount of conversation are likely to get you past. if you show up for your first date at an underground punk rock club with a bowl cut, khakies, doc martins with a sweater tied around your neck on a vespa, you're like to find yourself in the same situation.


Are we even arguing anymore or just throwing out strange dating examples? I'm confused.
 
2012-11-13 05:22:58 PM  

Theonceovertwice: Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.


yeah but rodents can be pretty smelly, and you can't totally cuddle with them like a cat or dog.
 
2012-11-13 05:23:16 PM  
Protip: Polish those online dating skills and bring them to Fark parties. They'll get you laid in both venues.
 
2012-11-13 05:23:58 PM  

thecpt: Rent Party: because women don't give a shiat about cars

But that's the thing, they really do. Girls I know who don't seem to be superficial are able to identify cars by their model year if the car is in the upper echelon of common cars (BMW, Mercedes, Audi, etc.) Let's just say I didn't come across this attitude until I moved to CT.


I lived in Charlottesville VA from '05-11. In that time I had two Porsches, a BMW and an old Crown Vic.

The Crown Vic was the only one the girls ever mentioned that they liked. It was "champagne" colored. They thought it was hilarious that it was the same type and color as many local taxis.
 
2012-11-13 05:25:28 PM  
I must admit, I'd never heard of OKCupid before this thread. I've heard of match and eharmony but never this one. This has been the funniest, must educational thread I've been in in a long time.
 
2012-11-13 05:25:45 PM  

tlchwi02: Theonceovertwice: Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.

yeah but rodents can be pretty smelly, and you can't totally cuddle with them like a cat or dog.


I just need a dog.
 
2012-11-13 05:26:04 PM  
met my husband on there a few years ago. I feel I got lucky because he's a great guy and the ratio of finding someone decent on there is rare, lol.

I've been on there since 2003 and if you name it, people will do it. Okcupid can be pretty rough when it comes to the people on there, but It's still not as bad as plenty of fish
 
2012-11-13 05:26:11 PM  

Shazam999: Well, to be fair, he tried to push her head down to his crotch in hour two.


Hey, if it works once, what's 99 slaps to the face?
 
2012-11-13 05:27:16 PM  

Theonceovertwice: tlchwi02: Theonceovertwice: Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.

yeah but rodents can be pretty smelly, and you can't totally cuddle with them like a cat or dog.

I just need a dog.


I thought you had given up on men? ;-)
 
2012-11-13 05:28:02 PM  
Looks intentionally fake. How could anyone be fooled by that...
 
2012-11-13 05:28:29 PM  

Sticky Hands: sycraft: Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

Have you considered Tamagotchis?
the crazy would be unquestionable and I've never heard of an allergy to those.

Tama-what?

They were little "virtual pets" from, where else, Japan. Basically a little dedicated pet game, but if you didn't take care of your virtual pet, it would die. All the rage like 15 years ago.

Yep, way out of date, which is what adds to the crazy factor.
Collecting whatever is popular now is just regular old herding and perfectly normal.


The only things I've been collecting lately are albums, and I don't even have a turntable anymore. That's sort of crazy, right?
 
2012-11-13 05:28:38 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Yes. But approaching 100% of the time, the guys doing the hitting on are completely unwelcome. Believe it or not, there are plenty of women who aren't interested in the kind of alpha dog who feels comfortable hitting on a woman in public.

When I was an atheist living in an extremely Christian area, there's no point in even trying to date randoms because the vast majority of the time that one thing is going to keep us from going on more than 1 date. I'd much rather weed all of that out in the beginning by at least narrowing my search to people who aren't serious about religion.

Oh, and now that I live in the city? The guys who do hit on me are so gross and aggressive that I've taken to wearing no makeup and a crappy hat just to cut down on the times I have to fend off unwanted attention. And any guy who actively hits on a woman during her public transit commute is so socially tone deaf I doubt I'd date them anyway.



I get where you're coming from, no girl enjoys getting hit on by creeps in public. But I think you're giving bad advice to a group that has a significant percentage of single men who are painfully shy around women. You've now given them the impression that approaching women is a bad thing to do. This is what keeps single men and women at home alone on Saturday night wondering why they don't have anyone, instead of the sweet sweet boning they should be doing, and WOULD, if the dude would just sack up for 5 minutes and talk to her.

If you are going to hit on a woman in public, follow some simple tips to not be creepy.
1) Do not hit on her on the street if she is alone at night. Just don't.
2) Do not hit on her at a gym. They feel incredibly vulnerable there, even if they are wearing those awesome yoga pants we all enjoy.
3) Not on a bus. That's gross.

You're not going to close the deal with ANY line (Except maybe: Want to see how much cocaine I have in my helicopter?). At this stage you are just trying to get her attention.

For example, the other day I was walking down the street and a tasty little treat was coming my way. I made direct eye contact, stopped walking (at a respectful, nonthreatening distance), and said "I'm sorry, but you are stunning and looking at you just made my day better." I could tell that I'd made her day. Then I walked away. I didn't get in her personal space. By walking away, I showed that I wasn't looking for anything from her. Now I have a girlfriend, so I wouldn't have done anything anyway. But if I ever saw her again, instant ice breaker and then I could ask her out.
 
2012-11-13 05:29:28 PM  

Skyd1v: Theonceovertwice: tlchwi02: Theonceovertwice: I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

lizards and/or snakes. also, they scare people. win/win

Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.

Ted approves of this...

[img29.imageshack.us image 640x480]


Cute!
 
2012-11-13 05:29:34 PM  

Theonceovertwice: tlchwi02: Theonceovertwice: Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.

yeah but rodents can be pretty smelly, and you can't totally cuddle with them like a cat or dog.

I just need a dog.


A pet is a wonderful thing to have. I am a cat person myself and love my little furball. If you want someone who will love you unconditionally, there is nothing like a pet. Only thing is, you need to be prepared to give all that back, because they will completely rely on you.

So long as you are willing to be responsible, I think pet ownership is a wonderful thing. On the darkest days, they can help you see the faint light of tomorrow, and will cuddle with you no matter how bad you feel about yourself.
 
2012-11-13 05:29:43 PM  

yukichigai: Are we even arguing anymore or just throwing out strange dating examples? I'm confused.


i'm not sure we ever were?

Theonceovertwice: I just need a dog


oh well yeah, dog is the default animal companion as far as i'm concerned. i'm going to go though the terrible ordeal of moving again ina few months because as much as i like my current apartment, i'd much rather have a dog and a less cool place to live.
 
2012-11-13 05:29:52 PM  

tlchwi02: Theonceovertwice: Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.

yeah but rodents can be pretty smelly, and you can't totally cuddle with them like a cat or dog.


Ferrets are not rodents. They are dedicated carnivores. (Mustelids)

Ferrets enjoy snuggling very much, they just need to spend 30 minutes or so doing the wild weasel dance first to burn off energy.
 
2012-11-13 05:30:43 PM  

jst3p: sycraft: Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

Have you considered Tamagotchis?
the crazy would be unquestionable and I've never heard of an allergy to those.

Tama-what?

They were little "virtual pets" from, where else, Japan. Basically a little dedicated pet game, but if you didn't take care of your virtual pet, it would die. All the rage like 15 years ago.

I don't like animals but the kids wanted pets. I got them some of these:

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 800x800]

They have fun going down their zip line:

[images-p.qvc.com image 315x280]

and doing battle in their own Thunderdome!

[www.mashupmom.com image 456x342]


What the crap are those? Can you tell I don't have kids?
 
2012-11-13 05:31:06 PM  

Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

You could decorate your place in unicorns and hello kitty.

You just described a person who is my complete opposite.


I can come up with an opposite to hello kitty, but what is the opposite of unicorn?

Something with a lot of extra spikes or no spikes where there should be some?
 
2012-11-13 05:31:57 PM  

thecpt: Aidan: I read it as "value things that are good, like a clean car, a place to come back to that's yours, your own body, etc." But I can see how it might be viewed differently.

Why do girls care sooo much about cars? I don't even care about cars as a guy. I just care that my apartment, computer, bed, tv, and wardrobe are nice. Cars are a money pit.


Depends on the car, I just sold a 22yr old civic that still ran and bought an 11 yr old civic.
 
2012-11-13 05:32:27 PM  

Theonceovertwice: What the crap are those? Can you tell I don't have kids?


They are called Hex bugs.

Link
 
2012-11-13 05:32:45 PM  

jst3p: Theonceovertwice: tlchwi02: Theonceovertwice: Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.

yeah but rodents can be pretty smelly, and you can't totally cuddle with them like a cat or dog.

I just need a dog.

I thought you had given up on men? ;-)


I've had plenty of dogs already, both with four legs and two. :)
 
2012-11-13 05:32:57 PM  

Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: sycraft: Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

Have you considered Tamagotchis?
the crazy would be unquestionable and I've never heard of an allergy to those.

Tama-what?

They were little "virtual pets" from, where else, Japan. Basically a little dedicated pet game, but if you didn't take care of your virtual pet, it would die. All the rage like 15 years ago.

Yep, way out of date, which is what adds to the crazy factor.
Collecting whatever is popular now is just regular old herding and perfectly normal.

The only things I've been collecting lately are albums, and I don't even have a turntable anymore. That's sort of crazy, right?


only if you keep them in the microwave so you don't have to listen to all of them at once.
 
2012-11-13 05:34:19 PM  

Skyd1v: tlchwi02: Theonceovertwice: Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.

yeah but rodents can be pretty smelly, and you can't totally cuddle with them like a cat or dog.

Ferrets are not rodents. They are dedicated carnivores. (Mustelids)

Ferrets enjoy snuggling very much, they just need to spend 30 minutes or so doing the wild weasel dance first to burn off energy.


Isn't Wild Weasel Dance playing the side stage of Coachella next year?
 
2012-11-13 05:35:37 PM  

Skyd1v: Ferrets are not rodents. They are dedicated carnivores. (Mustelids)

Ferrets enjoy snuggling very much, they just need to spend 30 minutes or so doing the wild weasel dance first to burn off energy.


my friend had ferrets years ago. all i remember was that they smelled quite a bit and didn't like to be held (although to be fair, i was a stranger.) I just couldn't see why you'd get ferrets over say a dog
 
2012-11-13 05:35:41 PM  
I know others have said it, but I'm just glad to have married a cool girl a long time ago. As a mid thirties guy, personal accomplishments besides the point, I can't imagine trying to date a woman.

Of course, I'm not a troll, but I still wouldn't want to compete against someone who was actually good looking.
 
2012-11-13 05:35:43 PM  

Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

You could decorate your place in unicorns and hello kitty.

You just described a person who is my complete opposite.

I can come up with an opposite to hello kitty, but what is the opposite of unicorn?

Something with a lot of extra spikes or no spikes where there should be some?


Haha! Well, let's see. I like hockey, whiskey, and punk rock. I guess "spikes" fit into that last category.
 
2012-11-13 05:36:32 PM  

jst3p: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

I don't understand why you are still single! The good news is you have plenty of time!

/hang in there


/in similar watercraft

imgs.sfgate.com
 
2012-11-13 05:38:02 PM  

jst3p: Theonceovertwice: What the crap are those? Can you tell I don't have kids?

They are called Hex bugs.

Link


Those are awesome! Now I really want a kid.
 
2012-11-13 05:38:58 PM  

Theonceovertwice: jst3p: Theonceovertwice: What the crap are those? Can you tell I don't have kids?

They are called Hex bugs.

Link

Those are awesome! Now I really want a kid.


Who says you need a kid to own kid toys? I have several Nerf guns and nary a child to be seen. Grow old, not up :). Only difference is now that I'm an adult, I have several real guns too, because they are also fun.
 
2012-11-13 05:39:17 PM  

Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: sycraft: Theonceovertwice: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

Have you considered Tamagotchis?
the crazy would be unquestionable and I've never heard of an allergy to those.

Tama-what?

They were little "virtual pets" from, where else, Japan. Basically a little dedicated pet game, but if you didn't take care of your virtual pet, it would die. All the rage like 15 years ago.

Yep, way out of date, which is what adds to the crazy factor.
Collecting whatever is popular now is just regular old herding and perfectly normal.

The only things I've been collecting lately are albums, and I don't even have a turntable anymore. That's sort of crazy, right?

only if you keep them in the microwave so you don't have to listen to all of them at once.


Haha!
 
2012-11-13 05:39:48 PM  

Theonceovertwice: jst3p: Theonceovertwice: What the crap are those? Can you tell I don't have kids?

They are called Hex bugs.

Link

Those are awesome! Now I really want a kid.


I feel the need to note here than owning a dog gives you the helpful skill of being able to clean up poop while half awake in the middle of the night - one that will come in handy in the future when having to clean up after the little tyke.
 
2012-11-13 05:40:26 PM  

shazbotuh: jst3p: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

I don't understand why you are still single! The good news is you have plenty of time!

/hang in there

/in similar watercraft

[imgs.sfgate.com image 250x332]


You too!
 
2012-11-13 05:41:01 PM  

Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

You could decorate your place in unicorns and hello kitty.

You just described a person who is my complete opposite.

I can come up with an opposite to hello kitty, but what is the opposite of unicorn?

Something with a lot of extra spikes or no spikes where there should be some?


Uh, a horse?
 
2012-11-13 05:41:40 PM  

Expolaris: Theonceovertwice: jst3p: Theonceovertwice: What the crap are those? Can you tell I don't have kids?

They are called Hex bugs.

Link

Those are awesome! Now I really want a kid.

I feel the need to note here than owning a dog gives you the helpful skill of being able to clean up poop while half awake in the middle of the night - one that will come in handy in the future when having to clean up after the little tyke.


Been there done that.
 
2012-11-13 05:43:34 PM  

sycraft: Who says you need a kid to own kid toys? I have several Nerf guns and nary a child to be seen. Grow old, not up :). Only difference is now that I'm an adult, I have several real guns too, because they are also fun.


Proud owner of a Nerf Assault gun here. It's my right as an american and written in the constitution damnt!
 
2012-11-13 05:43:42 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Sticky Hands: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.

I'm allergic to cats. I need an alternate plan.

You could decorate your place in unicorns and hello kitty.

You just described a person who is my complete opposite.

I can come up with an opposite to hello kitty, but what is the opposite of unicorn?

Something with a lot of extra spikes or no spikes where there should be some?

Uh, a horse?


I've got one outside!
Link NSFW language
 
2012-11-13 05:44:07 PM  
I use this little guy and my OkCupid browsing experience is far better these days...

OKCupid Bullshiat2English filter
 
2012-11-13 05:45:00 PM  

tlchwi02: Skyd1v: Ferrets are not rodents. They are dedicated carnivores. (Mustelids)

Ferrets enjoy snuggling very much, they just need to spend 30 minutes or so doing the wild weasel dance first to burn off energy.

my friend had ferrets years ago. all i remember was that they smelled quite a bit and didn't like to be held (although to be fair, i was a stranger.) I just couldn't see why you'd get ferrets over say a dog


Why not have both?

imageshack.us
 
2012-11-13 05:45:07 PM  

Bullseyed: Freudian_slipknot: Bullseyed: Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.

If you think paying for things entitles you to any kind of physical intimacy, just save yourself the time and hire a hooker instead. You'll be less disappointed.

If women don't like chivalry, they shouldn't put it on a pedestal.

Always remember, chivalry is based on the concept that women are property, not people.


No. Chivalry is based on treating women with manners and respect EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FARK THEM.

/Virginian
//if you try to bring up "chivalric code in the middle ages", I'm gonna crotch punch you
 
2012-11-13 05:45:54 PM  

GRCooper: No. Chivalry is based on treating women with manners and respect EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FARK THEM.


Why would anyone do that?
 
2012-11-13 05:46:08 PM  

Magnanimous_J: I made direct eye contact, stopped walking (at a respectful, nonthreatening distance), and said "I'm sorry, but you are stunning and looking at you just made my day better." I could tell that I'd made her day. Then I walked away. I didn't get in her personal space. By walking away, I showed that I wasn't looking for anything from her. Now I have a girlfriend, so I wouldn't have done anything anyway. But if I ever saw her again, instant ice breaker and then I could ask her out.


Actually, that would seriously creep me out to the point where I'd walk my dog on a different block for a while to make sure I didn't run into you again. I've had that kind of comment turn into... a bad experience.

In my experience, getting the kind of attention from a complete stranger that compels them to openly comment on it generally results in nothing good. It's a different beast if you're at a bar, or otherwise socializing somewhere that social interaction is an expected part of the experience.

And, of course, YMMV. Some women might be into that kind of thing.
 
2012-11-13 05:47:42 PM  

Wettner:
BTW, I sent jenny90210@aol my penis back in the day and she NEVER got back to me! That biatch ruined my online experience!!



I saw it the other day. As I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place...where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw your penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. You can buy it off him. He wants twenty-two bucks, but I believe you can talk him down to seventeen.
 
2012-11-13 05:48:02 PM  

jst3p: GRCooper: No. Chivalry is based on treating women with manners and respect EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FARK THEM.

Why would anyone do that?


Militant virginianism.

// it's probably a thing.
 
2012-11-13 05:48:02 PM  

Rent Party: I'd make out with him for some hockey right now.


I totally would too. I might even shave and brush my teeth first, if he asked nicely. I just hope he's not one of those little kids who is scared of kissing because of cooties.

Bullseyed: Because kissing is scary for little kids who are afraid of cooties.

 
2012-11-13 05:53:42 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Magnanimous_J: I made direct eye contact, stopped walking (at a respectful, nonthreatening distance), and said "I'm sorry, but you are stunning and looking at you just made my day better." I could tell that I'd made her day. Then I walked away. I didn't get in her personal space. By walking away, I showed that I wasn't looking for anything from her. Now I have a girlfriend, so I wouldn't have done anything anyway. But if I ever saw her again, instant ice breaker and then I could ask her out.

Actually, that would seriously creep me out to the point where I'd walk my dog on a different block for a while to make sure I didn't run into you again. I've had that kind of comment turn into... a bad experience.

In my experience, getting the kind of attention from a complete stranger that compels them to openly comment on it generally results in nothing good. It's a different beast if you're at a bar, or otherwise socializing somewhere that social interaction is an expected part of the experience.

And, of course, YMMV. Some women mig