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(Tampa Bay Online)   Park rangers unable to find anyone to mate with famous giant tortoise "Lonesome George"   ( divider line
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5160 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Dec 2003 at 5:42 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

57 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-12-04 01:31:13 AM  
Well don't look at me! I stick to mammals only, thank you very much.
2003-12-04 02:02:23 AM  
I'd hit it.
2003-12-04 03:09:44 AM  
He'd hit it!

I'm so tired...
2003-12-04 05:45:59 AM  
Where is fb- these days, anyway?
2003-12-04 05:47:43 AM  
I saw a turtle. It would fark a tortoise.
2003-12-04 05:48:19 AM  
The Galapagos, I'd guess, DrBenway.
2003-12-04 05:49:25 AM  

I'd hit it.

Er, read the article dude, it's a masculine of the male variety!

Park wardens gave 80-plus-year-old Lonesome George his name after they discovered him in 1971 and determined that he was the last of a subspecies of giant tortoises unique to Pinta Island.

80 years without a shag, that's worse than me!
2003-12-04 05:55:00 AM  
the last of a subspecies of giant tortoises

Aw, that is pretty sad actually. No wonder he's lonesome. Probably some japanese tossers ate the rest of his family in an attempt to gain greater potency or some crap.
2003-12-04 05:58:12 AM  
turtle pr0n?
2003-12-04 05:58:47 AM  
Cant they save his DNA and somehow implant it into a different tortoise in the future? I saw a film like that.
2003-12-04 06:08:07 AM  
"Cant they save his DNA and somehow implant it into a different tortoise in the future? I saw a film like that."

You a freak, man.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2003-12-04 06:08:27 AM  
I feel your pain.
2003-12-04 06:09:13 AM  
yes you could, but something would go terribly wrong and there'd be really fast tortoises and that sorta weird stuff
2003-12-04 06:14:24 AM  
I'll do it!

Well after 6 Heineken I would.
2003-12-04 07:07:16 AM  
He drinks alone, yeah, with nobody else.
2003-12-04 07:28:18 AM  
Turtles... let's think of the turtles.

Poor guy. All alone with no lady to fark. What a sad, sad world.
2003-12-04 07:59:50 AM  
6 Heinekens and you'd fark a tortise? Geez, your a cheap date!
2003-12-04 08:02:35 AM  
If turtle is anything like sheep, we've got a deal.
2003-12-04 08:04:04 AM  
Hey laydeez, he's a 17-hour man.
2003-12-04 08:05:48 AM  
It would take me a dozen Heinies and 5 J's before I'd go after anything 80-years old and fishy-smelling.
2003-12-04 08:18:23 AM  
I've had spam emails that seem to indicate that there are women who provide this kind of service to our animal brethren and then show their charitable good deeds on the internet for a price. I'm sure the money goes to an animal shelter or something.
2003-12-04 08:29:17 AM  
I was in the galapagos last year for xmas (with my family). I saw lonesome george and a park ranger told me they HAD tried some sort of turtle pr0n (or maybe they were going to try it? can't quite remember now). Didn't work. They said george tried to mount some turtle that was close to his species a few years ago, but he couldn't quite "get it up".

Fun trip.
2003-12-04 08:29:21 AM  
I've gone home with worse...well,! I haven't!!

*runs away, sobbing*
2003-12-04 08:36:57 AM  

Thorogood was the first thing that popped in my head too

Now Arlene took a-me by my hand, she said "Lonesome George you don't understand,
who do you love?"
2003-12-04 09:19:12 AM  
I came here to type I'd hit it, but I'm like 12 hours late. Which is normal for when I'm trying to hit it.
2003-12-04 09:46:58 AM  
f the turtle, can they find someone to mate with me? I've met some pretty hot park rangers.
2003-12-04 09:47:02 AM  
Ask Paris Hilton.
2003-12-04 09:48:15 AM  
At first I thought, poor old turtle, can't imagine what it must be like to be the last of your species... then I shook my head and said to myself, it's a farking turtle, his brains the size of a walnut, it really doesn't know a darned thing... freaking turtles, I'm sick of these creatures getting the best of my emotions so early in the morning!


And as for that lamp on that Ikea commercial... why I otta...
2003-12-04 09:53:17 AM  
Who do you love?
2003-12-04 10:01:07 AM  
I know how he feels.
2003-12-04 10:17:32 AM  
"Lenny, I think I know how you can get a LOT more publicity for your new album."
-- Lenny Kravitz' Agent.
2003-12-04 10:18:53 AM  
I echo Mofo's sentiment.
2003-12-04 10:31:15 AM  
Can't they clone poor George?
2003-12-04 10:56:57 AM  
When I'm 80, I hope to have a small army of professionals 'meticulously' searching-out comely mating opportunities for me.

With much better success.
2003-12-04 11:14:38 AM  
Props to LoveInAction for the Thorogood reference.

"Arlene took me by my hand.
She said 'Lonesome George, you don't understand.'"
2003-12-04 11:17:05 AM  
Oh, and to Hagbardr and bark_atda_moon.

I really should read these threads more carefully.

Need more coffee.
2003-12-04 11:21:59 AM  
Late as always to make the most popular quote in every thread. *sniff*

It's cool how many minds think alike though. =)

Who do you love?
2003-12-04 11:46:59 AM  
You mean a subspecies of animal is going extinct without the help of man? I'm SHOCKED! SHOCKED, I say! Where are all the protests? Has anyone called PETA?

Surely, man is somehow responsible for this injustice!
2003-12-04 11:47:29 AM  
I saw him once, about 3 years ago, he climbed on another big ol turtle, and our tour guide when apeshiat saying "THIS IS HISTORY!!!" but ol' george climbed off and went to sleep
2003-12-04 12:03:45 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-12-04 12:06:07 PM  
I'd hit i....Oh wait, a GIANT tortoise, never mind. No one is going to call ME a chubby chaser.
2003-12-04 12:21:00 PM  

I bow down. Your check is in the mail.
2003-12-04 12:29:56 PM  
1. Dress that tortoise up as a 12 year old boy.

2. Contact the Neverland Ranch.

3. Profit.
2003-12-04 12:39:50 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Recycle, reduce, reuse.
2003-12-04 01:08:02 PM  
"... but you fark just ONE TORTOISE..."
2003-12-04 01:38:27 PM  
I am a part-time tortoise yenta and I think I George's soul-mate. They may not be able to have children but he's a good man and he's a doctor!

[image from too old to be available]
2003-12-04 01:47:14 PM  
By naming the tortoise "Lonesome George", they were setting him up for failure. What kind of confidence do you think that tortoise has with that name?
2003-12-04 02:12:31 PM  
I saw a Turtle's pink thing!
2003-12-04 02:17:43 PM  
not to play matchmaker, but I thought of the perfect hook-up for the poor beast...

[image from too old to be available]
2003-12-04 02:51:25 PM  
Can they clone him? I mean we gotta save Ecuadors thriving tourism industry.
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