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(Gawker)   The Vatican is really butthurt about U.S. citizens approving gay marriage   (gawker.com ) divider line 22
    More: Obvious, U.S., U.S. citizens, Vatican Radio  
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12319 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Nov 2012 at 4:13 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-11-12 06:49:35 AM  
8 votes:

Wrencher: Why does anyone listen to Senator Palpatine's minions anymore?


Because fear will keep the local systems in line! Fear and surprise. The two things that will keep the local systems in line are fear and surprise and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope are the three things that... Amongst the things that will keep the local systems in line are...

/We apologize for the fault in the pop culture references. Those responsible have been sacked.
2012-11-12 09:50:02 AM  
5 votes:
I waited until we were alone in the church before approaching him.
"Father?" I said, causing him to turn and look at me.
"I'm sure you won't remember me Father, but 20 years ago I was one of the altar boys you brutally abused."
I could see immediate panic and shame in his eyes as he struggled to find words, "I.. I don't know.."
"Save it Father," I said unbuckling my trousers, "It's payback time."
"Please.. No.." He pleaded.
"On your knees Father," I commanded, "or I go to the authorities and you'll be ruined."
As he slowly sunk to the floor in resignation, I felt a satisfied grin forming on my face.

I'd never met the old sod before, but I've found it's an almost sure fire way of getting a free blowjob.
2012-11-12 12:23:06 AM  
4 votes:
Don't worry. They'll figure it out 600 years after the rest of the world does, as usual.
2012-11-12 02:19:12 AM  
3 votes:
www.mopo.ca
2012-11-12 09:39:09 AM  
2 votes:

mamoru: Wrencher: Why does anyone listen to Senator Palpatine's minions anymore?

Because fear will keep the local systems in line! Fear and surprise. The two things that will keep the local systems in line are fear and surprise and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope are the three things that... Amongst the things that will keep the local systems in line are...

/We apologize for the fault in the pop culture references. Those responsible have been sacked.


A Cåthølic once bit my sister.....
2012-11-12 06:31:30 AM  
2 votes:

simplicimus: What part of the Vow of Chastity do you not understand?


It's very simple. There is no sex before marriage. Catholics are very clear on this point.

Therefore, sex before marriage is not sex. Thus it is not a violation of the law of Chastity.

How else can a priest shove his dick up a 5 year old's ass and sleep well at night? He's got God's approval to do it.
2012-11-12 04:41:24 AM  
2 votes:

simplicimus: Once more, Vow of Chastity means no sex, Vow of Celibacy means no marriage, For a cleric, violation of either should result in defrocking and excommunication. But apparently the Church doesn't play by their own rules.


The rules say you can only have sex while married.

Therefore raping children you are not married to is not sex.

It's not hard logic to follow.
2012-11-11 11:22:33 PM  
2 votes:
If we legalized kiddie diddling they'd be throwing a frikkin party
2012-11-12 04:27:54 PM  
1 vote:

namegoeshere:

It's not just him being ancient, though. Look at his eyes. He has dead eyes. Soul-devouring dead thing eyes.


Sometimes that Pope he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a Pope... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The pulpit turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many Popes, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the Popes took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.
2012-11-12 10:29:15 AM  
1 vote:

Saruman_W: Humanity's already on it's way down the shiathole so approval for crap like this doesn't surprise me anymore.


The wizard sending the Orcs to rape Rohan would know, after all...
2012-11-12 06:38:02 AM  
1 vote:

SilentStrider: SilentStrider: Do us a favor. Atp worrying about gay marriage and start focussing on the things Jesus actually gave a damn about. Like helping the poor and healing the sick.

Atp? Really? I typed stop, and got atp?


FARK is trying to force you to learn the krebs cycle.

i.imgur.com
2012-11-12 06:35:51 AM  
1 vote:

Weaver95: simplicimus:
I do. I no longer buy into the "Christian" crap, if Mormons are now Christians . I'm Catholic, not Christian, and my Church's hierarchy has abandoned its mission. "Free will" is a Catholic tenet, and if you get an abortion, use birth control or get gay married, that's between you and God. Christ never told us to outlaw sin, just told us to forgive the sinner.

i'm starting to wonder if the pagans have it right - there's more than ONE god out there and they all might be equally valid. meh - like I said, so long as it stays non-violent it's all good.


I've always found it interesting when people "lose faith in god" and then just turn around and worship some other supposed deity. It's like they think they're spitefully choosing one parent over the other or something. It's silliness.

The old testament specifically mentions there being other gods out there. It just says not to worship them.
2012-11-12 06:07:25 AM  
1 vote:
The Vatican is still pretending to be some kind of moral authority? Hahahaha!
2012-11-12 05:02:01 AM  
1 vote:
Awwww...wait, let me get my violin so I can play you a tiny sad song...

i950.photobucket.com

/Okay, technically not a violin, but it is pretty teeny.
2012-11-12 04:45:04 AM  
1 vote:

The Southern Dandy: fluffy2097: simplicimus: Once more, Vow of Chastity means no sex, Vow of Celibacy means no marriage, For a cleric, violation of either should result in defrocking and excommunication. But apparently the Church doesn't play by their own rules.

The rules say you can only have sex while married.

Therefore raping children you are not married to is not sex.

It's not hard logic to follow.

It is "Illegitimate rape" so to speak?


Well the boys don't get pregnant, now do they?
2012-11-12 04:24:18 AM  
1 vote:
They're only upset because now when they molest little boys they'll have to promise to marry them when they're 18.

That takes the thrill out of the abuse for them.
2012-11-12 02:18:10 AM  
1 vote:
Has anyone mentioned that we as a nation dont give a damn what rome says >?
2012-11-12 01:06:59 AM  
1 vote:
This makes me want to get gay married just to piss him off.
2012-11-12 12:52:35 AM  
1 vote:

Weaver95: simplicimus:
I do. I no longer buy into the "Christian" crap, if Mormons are now Christians . I'm Catholic, not Christian, and my Church's hierarchy has abandoned its mission. "Free will" is a Catholic tenet, and if you get an abortion, use birth control or get gay married, that's between you and God. Christ never told us to outlaw sin, just told us to forgive the sinner.

i'm starting to wonder if the pagans have it right - there's more than ONE god out there and they all might be equally valid. meh - like I said, so long as it stays non-violent it's all good.


Oh, heck, as a Catholic I have three Gods for the price of one. One for vengeance, one for forgiveness and one for wisdom.
2012-11-12 12:45:08 AM  
1 vote:
i.imgur.com

Meh. You have no power here.
2012-11-12 12:08:20 AM  
1 vote:

hubiestubert: Perhaps the Vatican should worry about Rome, and not what folks who aren't Catholic are doing.

That's the issue. Not Catholics. Buddhists. Pagans. Methodists. Lutherans. Unitarians--you know, some of the folks the Catholics ran a Crusade against before they rolled on Jerusalem. The Vatican should worry about what Catholics are doing, and deal with them, and maybe leave governing of a nation that ISN'T Catholic alone. Especially one that is based upon the separation of church and state...

While they're at it, they might want to look a little harder at how their priests are acting within their own churches. Tend to your own knitting. When Bishops aren't moving priests around to keep sexual predators hidden, maybe then they can take a stab at telling folks what is moral or not...


Now I'm off to play Assassin's Creed. I feel like killing some of these self-righteous Catholics.
2012-11-11 11:01:35 PM  
1 vote:
Here's an idea: how about you get your staff to stop raping little kids? When you finally agree that molesting children is wrong, then maybe I'll consider the possibility that you might have some moral authority. But as long as you keep allowing your staff to keel brutally raping children, and you, personally, make an effort to cover up for their crimes, I'm not really convinced that you're in a position to tell anyone else what is right and what is wrong.

In short, Mr. Ratzinger, please don't hesitate to go f**k yourself.
 
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