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(Chicago Trib)   Mailman appreciates lifelike Halloween decoration on one of his stops, but ten days after Halloween was over started to question why it smelled and was attracting flies   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 78
    More: Dumbass, Halloween, mail carriers, Denver, Halloween decorations, corpses, mistakes  
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12764 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Nov 2012 at 1:35 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-10 12:36:15 AM
Better than UPS would have handled the situation--with three notes on the door in 2 days stating that you were not home.
 
2012-11-10 12:45:47 AM
images.huffingtonpost.com

/obligatory
 
2012-11-10 01:23:30 AM
So if a guy named Porch died on a.porch, perhaps I should change my surname to Pornstar-Cavity.
 
2012-11-10 01:38:22 AM
you become a gay pornstar and die from a horrid abcess
 
2012-11-10 01:40:08 AM
fta Dale Porch, 46, collapsed and died November 2 on his porch
 
2012-11-10 01:40:33 AM
Porch porch.
 
2012-11-10 01:40:51 AM
Damn, and I was thinking this was going to be an off year for the "body mistaken for halloween decoration" story.
 
2012-11-10 01:41:40 AM
Ever notice how a word loses meaning if you say it enough times?
 
2012-11-10 01:42:16 AM
I see the porch porch jokes have been taken.
 
2012-11-10 01:42:58 AM

Hal5423: Ever notice how a word loses meaning if you say it enough times?


I was just thinking that while proofreading my post.
 
2012-11-10 01:44:07 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com 

We could play 'hide the postman'!
 
2012-11-10 01:45:57 AM
The unidentified carrier is a "conscientious and dedicated employee" who remains on the job, the post office said, and any action that may be taken against him will be handled internally.

I don't understand why there would be any action taken against the letter carrier. My brother is a retired letter carrier. He told me that they were asked to keep an eye out for postal patrons, especially older ones. For example if they saw them every day and then stopped or their mail stopped getting collected, that would raise a red flag. But it was not an official part of his job description.
 
2012-11-10 01:47:54 AM
Noticing potential dead residents must be part of mail carrier training. It seems to happen quite often.

Anyone know if this is so?
 
2012-11-10 01:48:23 AM

thisispete: So if a guy named Porch died on a.porch, perhaps I should change my surname to Pornstar-Cavity.


I'm going with USC-Cheerleader-Lockerroom
 
2012-11-10 01:55:14 AM
I'm thinking Four-Poster-Bed-In-Paris
 
2012-11-10 01:55:54 AM
An amiable letter carrier named Cliff
Just happened upon a nattily dressed stiff
Too oblivious to see the sheen,
Was not the mark of Halloween....
Finding out later made it hard to light his spliff.
 
2012-11-10 01:59:56 AM
img197.imageshack.us
Meh, it's happened before.
 
2012-11-10 02:06:41 AM
"Authorities say the postal worker became suspicious when, after a week, what he had mistaken for an animatronic robot zombie stopped flailing and groaning."

Seriously, though, you have to feel for mailman. Maybe he was an idiot for not figuring it out sooner (or maybe not) but that's got to mess you up even if you immediately recognize the unexpected dead body for what it is.

I wonder if postal workers deal with this all the time? The mail piles up, starts to overflow the box, then you notice a faint odor or flies buzzing around the window... any mail-Farkers* want to chime in here?

* you know what I meant
 
2012-11-10 02:08:32 AM

Notabunny: fta Dale Porch, 46, collapsed and died November 2 on his porch


2.bp.blogspot.com
Is that kinda like Stoop Kid?
 
2012-11-10 02:09:41 AM
Wow, it smells so realistic!


Hal5423: Porch porch.


You said porch twice.
 
2012-11-10 02:09:49 AM

HaywoodJablonski: thisispete: So if a guy named Porch died on a.porch, perhaps I should change my surname to Pornstar-Cavity.

I'm going with USC-Cheerleader-Lockerroom


Not Raymond Luxury Yacht?
 
2012-11-10 02:10:15 AM
They can't fault the mailman. He did nothing wrong, he didn't kill the guy. It was halloween so it's only natural to think that people just put all sorts of decorations all over the place, and some of the latest stuff are even realistic. Don't punish the mailman!
 
2012-11-10 02:10:17 AM
What I am curious about is why didn't any of his neighbors notice?
 
2012-11-10 02:11:08 AM

TippySheraton: Noticing potential dead residents must be part of mail carrier training. It seems to happen quite often.

Anyone know if this is so?


My dad, who's been a carrier for 20+ years came across a guy with a shotgun in his lap, and not much left of his head on his route one day. He's a pretty laid back guy though, just shrugged his shoulders and called his supervisor to let him know what he saw.
 
2012-11-10 02:15:33 AM

SearchN: What I am curious about is why didn't any of his neighbors notice?


Same reason the mailman didn't.
 
2012-11-10 02:20:11 AM

cakeboss: My dad, who's been a carrier for 20+ years came across a guy with a shotgun in his lap, and not much left of his head on his route one day. He's a pretty laid back guy though, just shrugged his shoulders and called his supervisor to let him know what he saw.


You mean he reported that he saw an obvious murder scene? Since it's not the easiest thing to shoot yourself in the head with a shotgun in the first place, much less have the gun land neatly in your lap when there's nothing to stop the recoil.

/witty remark
//sunglasses
///YEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH
 
2012-11-10 02:31:06 AM
Halloween was on a Wednesday, but the guy died on Friday, which means the mailman wouldn't have seen it until at least Saturday and then it took 10 more days to think something was not right.

Not the most observant guy in the world.
 
2012-11-10 02:39:46 AM
The mailman walked past Mr. Porch on one day only. Source: news.sky.com
 
2012-11-10 02:48:12 AM

semiotix: Since it's not the easiest thing to shoot yourself in the head with a shotgun in the first place


uhh.... I'm pretty sure "shotgun suicides" are all too common.
 
2012-11-10 02:48:38 AM

MBZ321: Damn, and I was thinking this was going to be an off year for the "body mistaken for halloween decoration" story.


^This. I look forward to these the same way I look forward to the annual "firework injuries" stories on July 5th and "home burns down when nitwit tries to deep-fry a turkey" the day after Thanksgiving.

It's the little things in life.
 
2012-11-10 02:49:25 AM

fusillade762: Wow, it smells so realistic!


Hal5423: Porch porch.

You said porch twice.


Porches are awesome.
 
2012-11-10 02:52:59 AM

Buckney Gurre: The mailman walked past Mr. Porch on one day only. Source: news.sky.com


But apparently, by your article, he stepped around Mr. Porch to get to the mailbox.

Not exactly stellar government employee behavior.
 
2012-11-10 02:56:18 AM
He's a postal worker. What can they do to punish him further?
 
2012-11-10 02:58:13 AM

EdNortonsTwin: He's a postal worker. What can they do to punish him further?


sportsblogs.star-telegram.com
 
2012-11-10 03:05:24 AM
But apparently, by your article, he stepped around Mr. Porch to get to the mailbox.

Not exactly stellar government employee behavior.


If you had to navigate around the decorations on several hundred houses a day, I'm pretty sure you'd just be looking for the clear path as well. I'm wondering about the neighbors. After all, they at least knew what the guy looked like.
 
2012-11-10 03:06:50 AM
UsikFark: uhh.... I'm pretty sure "shotgun suicides" are all too common.


I didn't say impossible, just not easy, unless you've got monstrously long arms. And you'd have to REALLY trust yourself not to flinch, although I guess if you could get the barrel in your mouth that would help.

Anyway, if you can blow your head off with a shotgun and still manage to hold onto it firmly enough for it to land in your lap, my hat is off to you. As is your hat.
 
2012-11-10 03:08:21 AM
"body mistaken for halloween decoration" stories are sad.
Like that woman who hung herself from a lamppost (or was it a tree?) a year or so ago.
 
2012-11-10 03:13:30 AM

NotARocketScientist: But apparently, by your article, he stepped around Mr. Porch to get to the mailbox.

Not exactly stellar government employee behavior.

If you had to navigate around the decorations on several hundred houses a day, I'm pretty sure you'd just be looking for the clear path as well. I'm wondering about the neighbors. After all, they at least knew what the guy looked like.


Although I am finally acquainted with a handful of my neighbors, I'm sure they wouldn't notice if I up and died since I was working from home for so long (still do, but classes 4x a week shake up the routine). Took me three years to get to know these people too, and this is kind of a friendly neighborhood... we even have sidewalks that see a lot of use.
 
2012-11-10 03:17:56 AM

semiotix: cakeboss: My dad, who's been a carrier for 20+ years came across a guy with a shotgun in his lap, and not much left of his head on his route one day. He's a pretty laid back guy though, just shrugged his shoulders and called his supervisor to let him know what he saw.

You mean he reported that he saw an obvious murder scene? Since it's not the easiest thing to shoot yourself in the head with a shotgun in the first place, much less have the gun land neatly in your lap when there's nothing to stop the recoil.

/witty remark
//sunglasses
///YEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH


Not so obvious. I would have thought suicide from what I had read. If it was so obvious, then why would it be such a witty remark with sunglasses?
 
2012-11-10 03:19:40 AM

TippySheraton: Noticing potential dead residents must be part of mail carrier training. It seems to happen quite often.


They tend to be the only people that stop by your house almost every day.

I live alone, and never really see my carrier... so if I don't post on Fark for a week don't bother checking on me because, dude, it's too late.

/TotalFark should have a feature where if you keep paying for TotalFark but haven't logged in for a couple months, they send someone to your house to see if you died. I'd appreciate it.
 
2012-11-10 03:30:59 AM
Suicide worked for me.
 
2012-11-10 03:31:48 AM
The unidentified carrier is a "conscientious and dedicated employee" who remains on the job, the post office said, and any action that may be taken against him will be handled internally.

Why take any action? Dude's job is to deliver the mail, not police the neighborhood.

He made a reasonable assumption and then had enough consideration to double check when things didn't add up. I feel bad for the guy. That sort of thing kind of tweaks your knobs for a while.
 
2012-11-10 03:33:41 AM

digidorm: TippySheraton: Noticing potential dead residents must be part of mail carrier training. It seems to happen quite often.

They tend to be the only people that stop by your house almost every day.

I live alone, and never really see my carrier... so if I don't post on Fark for a week don't bother checking on me because, dude, it's too late.

/TotalFark should have a feature where if you keep paying for TotalFark but haven't logged in for a couple months, they send someone to your house to see if you died. I'd appreciate it.


I bet we could get Cory Booker to stop by.
 
2012-11-10 03:46:26 AM
Was there a dead punched octopus on the Porch?
 
2012-11-10 03:53:51 AM
UPS would have at least lobbed the corpse in to a neighbour's yard.
 
2012-11-10 04:01:42 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com

RANDALL. WHAT THE fark IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

What Racism? Porch Monkeys?

What?! WHATS THE BIG DEAL?!
 
2012-11-10 04:02:53 AM
i.telegraph.co.uk

RIP
 
2012-11-10 04:16:52 AM
At seven o'clock little Berthe, who had not seen him all the afternoon, went to fetch him to dinner.

His head was thrown back against the wall, his eyes closed, his mouth open, and in his hand was a long tress of black hair.

"Come along, papa," she said.

And thinking he wanted to play; she pushed him gently. He fell to the ground. He was dead.


Awesome literature. As restrained as those lines are by modern standards, they made me want to vomit when I first read them.
 
2012-11-10 04:17:51 AM

Porous Horace: "body mistaken for halloween decoration" stories are sad.
Like that woman who hung herself from a lamppost (or was it a tree?) a year or so ago.


Hmm, as jaded as Fark has made me, I imagine this suicidal person with a sick sense of humor (cue "what's his/her Fark handle) puts a LOT of candy on the porch with a sign that says "take only one piece or face the curse of the zombie hanging from the tree". Then proceeds to hang self from said tree.
 
2012-11-10 04:25:28 AM
It's a little known fact that smartest animal is a pig. Scientists say if pigs had thumbs and a language, they could be trained to do simple manual labor. They give you 20-30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner you can eat them.
 
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