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(Margaret and Helen.com)   Old lady blogger watches Fox News in post-election spin, likens it to a zoo. "The ones who liked to rattle their cages and screech at the visitors were the angry Republican hacks who seemed to be, for the first time, discovering the wonders of math"   (margaretandhelen.com) divider line 73
    More: Amusing, Fox News, Republican, human beings, Oliver North, Greg Gutfeld, opposable thumbs, Liz Cheney, Shepard Smith  
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4233 clicks; posted to Politics » on 08 Nov 2012 at 7:24 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



73 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-11-08 04:23:44 PM  
Over in a corner in a cage all by himself was the red-assed Karl Rove.
...
Every zoo has its specialty and Fox is no exception. They have the largest collection of blonde, bulemic middle school girls posing as reporters with names like Megyn, Gretchen, Cheryl and Dana... many of them openly wept as the election results came in causing a river of mascara that got all over everything.



I like her.

/ not for the maze.
 
2012-11-08 04:41:15 PM  
[Ann Coulter] seemed pretty at ease in the zoo. I guess that comes from all the time she spent collaborating with monkeys on those personal therapy projects she calls books.

Pfffffffff

There were a lot of burns in there.
 
2012-11-08 04:47:51 PM  
What's her Fark handle?

/sponsor her for TF
 
2012-11-08 07:28:23 PM  
I love those old gals. Thanks for posting, subby.
 
2012-11-08 07:29:03 PM  
The best shot the Republican party has at not dying a fiery death at this point is re-visiting the court case that allows Fox "News" to openly lie to a significant percentage of the populace. Otherwise, they're farked.
 
2012-11-08 07:29:36 PM  
I assume this is their Galileo moment. It's as if the news just came out that the world was round and moves through space, and their whole life instantly became a lie.
 
2012-11-08 07:29:49 PM  
i'd like to take her out for a drink and nasty granny shenanigans

yes, i'll ask her to take her teeth out but I'll still call her 'ma'am'
 
2012-11-08 07:30:18 PM  
I like Shepard Smith.
 
2012-11-08 07:30:39 PM  
FTFA:
" As expected, they blamed the liberal media for handing the election to Obama while simultaneously chirping that Fox is the most watched news broadcast in the nation. I know. I know. It doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense but it's Fox News. It doesn't have to"
 
2012-11-08 07:31:05 PM  
I admire you guys and your ability to watch that network. I swear if I tried, I'd be replacing my tv on a daily basis.
 
2012-11-08 07:31:13 PM  
Ah the Grandma Burn, your only warning is the overpowering scent of ben-gay and the jingle of costume jewellry
 
2012-11-08 07:33:08 PM  
Ha ha. This old lady is throwing out some sick burns!
If I make it too old age, I'm going to call everyone out on their bullshiat.
 
2012-11-08 07:33:55 PM  
So much win!
 
2012-11-08 07:40:05 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2012-11-08 07:46:20 PM  

Old enough to know better: I admire you guys and your ability to watch that network. I swear if I tried, I'd be replacing my tv on a daily basis.


Gather around, it's CSB time:

During my freshman year in college, I worked as costumer service/billing for DirecTV (in other words, Hell on a phone, the callers were never happy). I had a costumer that, weekly, complained that our 'liberal network' disconnected Fox News from his service. And every time he switched it, it was on, and with the O'Reilly Factor (I could listen through the phone), and then did a 20-minute tantrum on how 'liberals were gonna destroy America' (this is 2003 we're talking about), and when he figured out I was Mexican, all Hell broke lose.
 
2012-11-08 07:47:21 PM  
First off, this shiat is awesome!

Secondly: "I can't keep all of their names straight but one of them suggested that the majority of voters are like abused housewives who voted to stay with their abuser."

What that shiat really said? Really? Someone, please, farking tell me who.
 
2012-11-08 07:48:05 PM  
I mad, I forgot english.
 
2012-11-08 07:48:19 PM  
Your blog does not suck.
 
2012-11-08 07:49:08 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: First off, this shiat is awesome!

Secondly: "I can't keep all of their names straight but one of them suggested that the majority of voters are like abused housewives who voted to stay with their abuser."

What that shiat really said? Really? Someone, please, farking tell me who.


Why wouldn't they have said that. These are the same people who swear that the only reason somebody votes for Obama is to prove to the voting machine that they aren't racists.
 
2012-11-08 07:50:27 PM  
wow. There are some seriously sick burns in there.
 
2012-11-08 07:50:47 PM  

Karac: CapeFearCadaver: First off, this shiat is awesome!

Secondly: "I can't keep all of their names straight but one of them suggested that the majority of voters are like abused housewives who voted to stay with their abuser."

What that shiat really said? Really? Someone, please, farking tell me who.

Why wouldn't they have said that. These are the same people who swear that the only reason somebody votes for Obama is to prove to the voting machine that they aren't racists.


Oh, I have no doubt. I just want motherfarker's name.
 
2012-11-08 07:52:25 PM  
Hah, that was awesome.
 
2012-11-08 07:52:33 PM  
Loved this line:

Helen: Now Margaret, I don't suggest that you visit the Fox Zoo. The lighting is bad, the air is thin, and reality is in short supply. They haven't cleaned the cages in years so the bullshiat is everywhere. Instead let me visit occasionally and send back reports. Trust me. It's better that way.

You're a brave lady, Helen.
 
2012-11-08 07:58:02 PM  
I'm just glad that Obama's margin was much larger than the GOP vote fraud.

Burn in hell, Katherine Harris.
 
2012-11-08 08:06:30 PM  
Bookmarked.

That is one great lady :)
 
2012-11-08 08:07:51 PM  

Nuff Said McFarky: I don't suggest that you visit the Fox Zoo. The lighting is bad, the air is thin, and reality is in short supply. They haven't cleaned the cages in years so the bullshiat is everywhere. Instead let me visit occasionally and send back reports. Trust me. It's better that way.


Heh. This could be Weav talking about Rush, or FI's talking about her deep cover in Freeperland.
 
2012-11-08 08:13:14 PM  
That was the funniest take on the election I've seen.

//instantly donated $80.
 
2012-11-08 08:16:07 PM  
I love Margaret and Helen, keep rollin' ladies.
 
2012-11-08 08:23:06 PM  

BalugaJoe: I like Shepard Smith.


Shep was.calling the hacks out on their BS all night, rendering Peggy Noonan speechless at one point
 
2012-11-08 08:33:05 PM  
As we say in the Navy, Brazo Zulu!
 
2012-11-08 08:34:47 PM  
I love the picture on her blog too. Two old ladies on hoverrounds.. aww, how Rep..wait, are they on a battleship? That must double their Republicanism! Patriot, MERIKA. Then you read the blog and it's like members of that bygone era, where reason still prevailed, are reaching through time to smack you down like the fool you are. >.>

Or something.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2012-11-08 08:37:19 PM  
www.anthonypainter.co.uk

Unlike their "base," my memory lasts more than 2 weeks.

But then, their base obviously doesn't have any problem with off the scale hypocrisy, either.
 
2012-11-08 08:43:28 PM  

Bermuda59: As we say in the Navy, Bravo Zulu!

fixed it
 
2012-11-08 08:53:25 PM  
I got a chance to spot the elusive big-footed Ann Coulter which was thrilling. Since her visit to The View, she only makes appearances when no other women are in the room. She seemed pretty at ease in the zoo. I guess that comes from all the time she spent collaborating with monkeys on those personal therapy projects she calls books.

Damn.
 
2012-11-08 08:57:27 PM  
 
2012-11-08 08:58:24 PM  
These old broads are metal. Shine on, ladies! Your country needs your no-nonsense wisdom.

Omahawg
nasty granny shenanigans

I might have to start a troll alt with that handle.

FTA
As expected, [Fox] blamed the liberal media for handing the election to Obama while simultaneously chirping that Fox is the most watched news broadcast in the nation.

THANK YOU.
 
2012-11-08 09:04:06 PM  
Is this lady for real? Or is it a writers room full of 30 caffeinated Ivy leagued post grad lit majors out to Preston Sturges each other? This lady is throwing down buckets of awesome.
 
2012-11-08 09:06:43 PM  

crab66: Your blog does not suck.


Well said. These ladies are fantastic.
 
2012-11-08 09:07:23 PM  
That was great.

/would read again
 
2012-11-08 09:12:56 PM  
sheesh. Do we really have to add 'old ladies' to the list?
 
2012-11-08 09:13:38 PM  
Now Margaret, I don't suggest that you visit the Fox Zoo. The lighting is bad, the air is thin, and reality is in short supply. They haven't cleaned the cages in years so the bullshiat is everywhere. Instead let me visit occasionally and send back reports. Trust me. It's better that way.

10 PRINT "BAHAHAHAHAAHA!"
20 GOTO 10
 
2012-11-08 09:13:52 PM  

hammettman: Is this lady for real? Or is it a writers room full of 30 caffeinated Ivy leagued post grad lit majors out to Preston Sturges each other? This lady is throwing down buckets of awesome.


From their About page:

FAQ

Are you for real?
Why is that so hard to believe? Now I know what Santa Claus must feel like.

Have you really been friends for 60 years?
Some friendships last a lifetime. We just seem to be living a hell of a long time.

Is this a fake blog?
We got a few scary emails when I first wrote about Sarah Palin so my grandson told me to change our last names on the web page blog. Philpot was my grandmother's maiden name and Schmechtman is actually the name of a bird Margaret keeps as a pet. That bird shiats on everything, but she loves him.

Why doesn't Margaret write more?
She prefers to pick up the phone and call. I guess I am more the writer, but she is a wonderful artist. I have some of her paintings in my house. My grandchildren set me up on this computer, but Margaret always has problems getting on the Internet and says it is too slow. Maybe it is a Maine thing. She reads all of the comments and calls me when she sees a comment that she wants to talk about. Sometimes she offers witty lines that I add to my stories.

Is Margaret a Republican?
Her husband is.

Why did you go so long between blogs before now?
Actually we had several more things on the web page but when it began to get popular my grandson suggested that we take them off because they were personal between me and Margaret. I sometimes write short stories and would put them on here for Margaret to read. Some of it was racy. Much of it was just nonsense.

Will you keep doing this after the election?
Yes, but I don't know if everyone will keep coming back. There are lots of idiots out there who aren't running for office, but don't get me started on that shiat for brains Elisabeth from The View.
 
2012-11-08 09:15:09 PM  

Old enough to know better: I admire you guys and your ability to watch that network. I swear if I tried, I'd be replacing my tv on a daily basis.


I once challenged myself to watching 90 minutes of Fox. I made it, however, I did have to urinate on the TV near the end.

(Of course I was drunk, no way I'd try that sober).
 
2012-11-08 09:15:42 PM  
Move over, Betty White. Or, join in; even better...
 
2012-11-08 09:30:03 PM  
Didn't somebody warn the republicans that there would be math?
 
2012-11-08 09:32:51 PM  
From Margaret a few posts down:
And to smiling Joe Biden I say - my husband is asleep by 9 and the back door is unlocked.
 
2012-11-08 09:41:07 PM  

simonchvz: From Margaret a few posts down:
And to smiling Joe Biden I say - my husband is asleep by 9 and the back door is unlocked.


Daaaaaamn!
 
2012-11-08 09:43:52 PM  

hammettman: Is this lady for real? Or is it a writers room full of 30 caffeinated Ivy leagued post grad lit majors out to Preston Sturges each other? This lady is throwing down buckets of awesome.


She's throwin' down buckets of awesome with a side of "OH, SNAP!"
 
2012-11-08 09:45:36 PM  

simonchvz: From Margaret a few posts down:
And to smiling Joe Biden I say - my husband is asleep by 9 and the back door is unlocked.


LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL~!

/they are awesome
 
2012-11-08 09:50:37 PM  
I note they have a "help support this website" link. Anyone not-broke mind chuckin' them old broads a few bones? They've earned it a thousand-fold. Will do also when I get my first paycheck from a new job in a few weeks. Maybe I'll even send them a box of fancy tea.
 
2012-11-08 09:51:40 PM  
For the record, that awesome quote is on this page: Link
 
2012-11-08 09:57:04 PM  
This post isn't funny, but is pretty awesome:

When Did Hating Women Become a Republican Platform?
 
2012-11-08 10:06:32 PM  

theteacher: 30 Helens Agree


Surprised it took that long for KITH reference. Apparently 30 Helens agree that Fox sucks.
 
2012-11-08 10:07:39 PM  
I love those ladies. I really do hope they're real, because I've been enjoying  their work for a long time.
 
2012-11-08 10:37:06 PM  
150 years between 'em, five times what I got, yet posts like that still have me longing to be the bologna in their love sandwich.
 
2012-11-08 10:38:06 PM  

TheotherMIguy: I love the picture on her blog too. Two old ladies on hoverrounds.. aww, how Rep..wait, are they on a battleship? That must double their Republicanism! Patriot, MERIKA. Then you read the blog and it's like members of that bygone era, where reason still prevailed, are reaching through time to smack you down like the fool you are. >.>

Or something.


This!
 
2012-11-08 10:40:54 PM  

simonchvz: From Margaret a few posts down:
And to smiling Joe Biden I say - my husband is asleep by 9 and the back door is unlocked.


Hell, Joe Biden can come to my house. My husband will probably join in.
 
2012-11-08 10:43:39 PM  
farm1.staticflickr.com
 
2012-11-08 11:50:01 PM  
Even Rush says that you can't beat Santa Claus, so mail it in next time conservartards.

Unless Republicans are now the instigators of the War on ChristmasTM

/Ryan in 2016. Because he can't even win Wisconsin.
 
2012-11-09 02:57:39 AM  
This is PRECISELY what Louis CK was talking about last SNL.
 
2012-11-09 03:05:34 AM  
Wow. I thought all old-lady-americans were senile tea-baggers.

These two are awesome!
 
2012-11-09 03:47:36 AM  

Chameleon: simonchvz: From Margaret a few posts down:
And to smiling Joe Biden I say - my husband is asleep by 9 and the back door is unlocked.

Hell, Joe Biden can come to my house. My husband will probably join in.


That guy could probably bullshiat any husband out of getting mad. All he'd have to do is toss the keys to that biatchin Trans Am and say "I'll be done in an hour. Have fun. Oh, and bring back a few sixers."
 
2012-11-09 05:36:23 AM  
These are women I want to become in two or three decades - but damn I am practising now;)
 
2012-11-09 07:06:53 AM  
Shenanigans.
 
2012-11-09 07:10:38 AM  

MFAWG: BalugaJoe: I like Shepard Smith.

Shep was.calling the hacks out on their BS all night, rendering Peggy Noonan speechless at one point


Come on, man. You gotta share this stuff on YouTube or something.
 
2012-11-09 07:37:03 AM  

Surool: Didn't somebody warn the republicans that there would be math?


The Republicans have no idea what the word means.
 
2012-11-09 08:51:29 AM  
FTA:
While I don't think they understand the difference between Mexican-Americans and Cuban-Americans, they seem to think that any Republican politician with a name ending in O or Z will need to be on the bottom half of the ticket in 2016 if Republicans are to take the White House back.

This is the best insight I've read so far, IMO.
 
2012-11-09 08:58:53 AM  
If I'm one-fifth as awesome when I'm that age, I'll consider my life to be a success.
 
2012-11-09 10:37:18 AM  
We needed a good replacement since we lost Molly Ivins.
 
2012-11-09 12:46:19 PM  
Daaamn, I wouldn't ever want to get on the bad side of these old ladies. They'd oh-snap you into the stone age
 
2012-11-09 01:51:12 PM  

Onagarf: Surool: Didn't somebody warn the republicans that there would be math?

The Republicans have no idea what the word means.


Obviously! They think you can cut your income and be better able to pay your bills.
 
2012-11-09 03:18:48 PM  

TheotherMIguy: I love the picture on her blog too. Two old ladies on hoverrounds.. aww, how Rep..wait, are they on a battleship? That must double their Republicanism! Patriot, MERIKA. Then you read the blog and it's like members of that bygone era, where reason still prevailed, are reaching through time to smack you down like the fool you are. >.>

Or something.


And for extra points, Margaret is a life-long Texan. She's delivered some scathing burns on Rick Perry through the years.

Like HugsAndPuppies said, we needed a good replacement since we lost Molly Ivins. These gals are dishing out some of the funniest, sharpest political commentary on the net. Wonder if they'd autograph a Hoverround that we could auction off for charity.
 
2012-11-10 01:32:01 AM  
Has anyone mentioned that subby's blog doesn't suck?

Because it IS AWESOME!
 
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