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(Guardian)   New candy releases a lingering rose scent through the pores of your skin and changes the sound of your flatulence to that of a gentle summer breeze   ( divider line
    More: Unlikely, flatulence  
•       •       •

10307 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Nov 2012 at 11:29 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

67 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2012-11-07 06:36:29 AM  
ooh, piece-a-candy
2012-11-07 09:45:18 AM  
My farts talk about Charlie Rose.
2012-11-07 11:31:11 AM  
something something smell like fresh cinnamon rolls
2012-11-07 11:31:53 AM  
This is a must have in my office. Put out a big bowl with a sign that reads, "Do the needfull, eat me"
2012-11-07 11:33:10 AM  
Needs this:
Ass Don't Smell
snltranscripts.jt.orgView Full Size

Bob: Let me bring you up to date on the Civic Center project..

Male Co-Worker #1: [ sniffing the air ] Did somebody step in something?

Bob: I had Ted draw these up over the weekend..

Male Co-Worker #1: Oh, come on! Doesn't anybody else smell it?

[ turns around and disgusts tow other co-workers with the smell from his ass ]

Bob: I think we've finally solved the underground garage problem..

Male Co-Worker #1: I'm sorry. I can't concentrate. Can't we do this over the phone?

Male Co-Worker #2: Yes!

[ everyone leaves the office, leaving confused ]

[ SUPER: The Next Day ]

Bob: [ notices Ass Don't Smell canister on his desk ] Ass Don't Smell? [ thinking ] Hmm.. maybe somebody's trying to tell me something..
snltranscripts.jt.orgView Full Size

Announcer: Scrubbing doesn't work; perfumes only cover it up; and who has the time to soak? Forget all that junk, and step up to Ass Don't Smell.

[ SUPER: A Week Later ]

Male Co-Worker #3: Hey, Bob! Congratulations on the Civic Center project!

Bob: Thanks!

Male Co-Worker #3: [ notices canister in Bob's locker ] Huh? Ass Don't Smell? But your ass doesn't smell.

Bob: [ smiling confidently ] Exactly.

Announcer: Ass Don't Smell. The name says it all. Now, in new tamper-proof package

snltranscripts.jt.orgView Full Size
2012-11-07 11:34:16 AM  
Is that a Seals and Crofts reference?
2012-11-07 11:34:19 AM  

colinspooky: ooh, piece-a-candy

2012-11-07 11:35:38 AM  
No thanks. Rolling thunder or GTFO
2012-11-07 11:36:39 AM  
Want to make some real money? make my spunk taste like a Cherry Limeade.
2012-11-07 11:37:23 AM  
It's been done.

cache.jezebel.comView Full Size
2012-11-07 11:37:52 AM  
I'll stay with the manly wet tropical monsoon of mine, thanks.
2012-11-07 11:38:37 AM  
"I'll believe that when me shiat turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet"
2012-11-07 11:39:44 AM  
I wonder if the candy will be able to stand up to the old "Roasted garlic pizza with a pitcher of Optimator test",
/Extra garlic please.
2012-11-07 11:39:56 AM  

Dreyelle: This is a must have in my office. Put out a big bowl with a sign that reads, "Do the needfull, eat me"

[sneaks a handfull]
2012-11-07 11:40:42 AM  
Japan has had these for a while now, such as "Man Smell Gum" which exudes rose-menthol aromas from your skin when you sweat.

mikesblender.comView Full Size
2012-11-07 11:41:00 AM  
FTFA: "The next time a crowded journey on public transport thrusts you too close to a malodorous armpit, take heart. Help will soon be just a boiled sweet away."

The author is ignoring that most people smell because they just don't give a rat's ass about their hygiene.
2012-11-07 11:41:30 AM  
I prefer to have whiskey seeping through my pores.
2012-11-07 11:42:24 AM  
This is a repeat from 1736.
i274.photobucket.comView Full Size
2012-11-07 11:42:44 AM  
This is what will happen:

cellar.orgView Full Size

The bees! The beeseeeeees!
2012-11-07 11:42:58 AM  
when my dad was diagnosed with cancer he went through this phase of herbal/holistic approach to aid in his chemo treatments. When he read somewhere that garlic would help, he started eating cloves of Garlic everyday. This was fine until it turned to spring and it started getting warmer outside. My mom and my dad were in the yard doing some work when my mom said "do you smell pizza?" My dad said no, but my mom realized it was him who smelled like pizza because he was sweating it out. After that, mom made dad take the "no smell" version of garlique caplets.
2012-11-07 11:43:10 AM  
2012-11-07 11:43:20 AM  
I'm ordering a pack for kicks and giggles. I'll let you all know if it works.
2012-11-07 11:43:37 AM  
"The Lord created the fart, then He put a smell in it so the deaf could enjoy it. If I'd created the fart, I'd have made it smell like coffee. That way if someone farted in the morning, you'd think breakfast was ready." -- Redd Foxx
2012-11-07 11:44:38 AM  
10 stone = 140 lbs. Can never remember whether it's 14 or 28 lbs.

Standing next to a 300 lb traveler on a crowded, bouncing city bus is enough excitement, whether or not BO or roses is in the air.
2012-11-07 11:44:42 AM  
Just wait until this technology is adopted into a Bertie Botts-esque prank candy. Eat one, and you smell like flowers; eat another, you smell like an unflushed bus station toilet.
2012-11-07 11:48:42 AM  
Jimmy: I'm getting sick, you smell like aftershave and taco meat!
2012-11-07 11:49:51 AM  
Cerulean blue is like a gentle summer breeze.
2012-11-07 11:50:05 AM  
But I really LIKE tearing my ass up with a rip-roaring fart!
2012-11-07 11:50:40 AM  
As a prolific garlic eater I'd be worried that I'd end up smelling of roses and garlic, which is not an appealing combination. I'll stick to my shower-every-day-and-wear-clean-clothes routine..
2012-11-07 11:54:08 AM  
Now if they could make seamen tase like chocolate, we could all be happy.
2012-11-07 11:55:33 AM Full Size

What a gentle summer breeze might look like coming out of my ass
2012-11-07 11:56:41 AM  

Now we don't have to eat roses to fart bouquets.
2012-11-07 11:58:23 AM  

stuffy: Now if they could make seamen tase like chocolate, we could all be happy.

geekalerts.comView Full Size

/don't tase me admiral
2012-11-07 12:01:44 PM  
My co-workers, especially the female ones, say my toots have the aroma of perfume of the gods. Bless them so much. Cabbage for supper tonite.
2012-11-07 12:01:54 PM  

stuffy: Now if they could make seamen tase like chocolate, we could all be happy.

My Maple Cookie tea will make your... manly secretions... taste like maple syrup.
2012-11-07 12:02:19 PM  
Gentle summer breeze? There is NOTHING in this universe that could stop the malodorous typhoon issuing from my DH's butt!
2012-11-07 12:03:49 PM  
After reading Please Don't Eat the Daisies, by theatre critic and domestic humorist, Jean Kerr, I tried some to see why the kids were doing it. The stems, petals and leaves are delicious. The florets on the other hand, stick in your teeth and have an unpleasant, feculant mouth feel.

I'd give them about a 7. Not nearly as nice as candied violets or other edible flowers (see wedding cakes). Better than spinach though, and not poisonous like, say, buttercups, which even cows won't eat, as you can tell if you drive past a field of cows with buttercups growing in their pasture.

Watch out for that foamy stuff that insects leave on them. They're not worth it.

The book was made into a movie with Doris Day (slut! slut!) and David Niven (gay) in 1960. It was also a TV series.
2012-11-07 12:06:01 PM  
one day the Avon lady was cold calling in one of the very tall buildings downtown. she was feeling unusually gassy that day and her stomach hurt from not being able to relieve the pressure. it seemed she couldn't find a moment when there wasn't someone in the room or the hallway. finally she was overjoyed to find herself alone on the elevator and she let a very unlady-like stinky rip loud and long.

embarrassed by the intensity of her own flatulence the Avon rep quickly dug into her bag and found a sampler of 'Evergreens in Autumn' which she quickly doused about the elevator just before the door opened. a few business men got on the elevator with her and one was heard sniffing the peculiar odor.

she turned and explained "I'm an Avon lady. Do you like our latest scent?" to which the gentleman replied "I dunno, miss. It kinda smells like someone shiat a Christmas tree".
2012-11-07 12:07:53 PM  

stuffy: Now if they could make seamen tase like chocolate, we could all be happy.

I had a girl say this to me. She goes "you know, if god intended women to suck dick, he'd have made cum taste like chocolate" I said "Yeah, but he had to make it taste like bleach so you remember to do the laundry." - Doug Stanhope
2012-11-07 12:11:39 PM  

Needlessly Complicated: stuffy: Now if they could make seamen tase like chocolate, we could all be happy.

My Maple Cookie tea will make your... manly secretions... taste like maple syrup.

I apologize, link MAY be NSFW (has suggestive photograpy/language but no naughty parts). Wasn't thinking about it. Mods can delete if you want.
2012-11-07 12:12:52 PM  
"Farts are cute. Farts are fun. Farts are shiat without the mess." George Carlin
2012-11-07 12:21:08 PM  
Flatulante for all!
2012-11-07 12:22:33 PM  
Been done:
api.ning.comView Full Size
2012-11-07 12:39:49 PM  
images3.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size

And now my dookie smells like freshly baked cinnamon rolls.
2012-11-07 12:52:30 PM  
can this stuff be surreptitiously added to crack and the food given to the homeless? it would make helping them so much easier.
2012-11-07 01:07:16 PM  
Seems to me, it would only add more awkwardness. Most socially-adapted people generally don't verbalize anything when they smell a fart and just keep the feeling of disgust to themselves. A strong scent of roses probably doesn't have that same custom.

"Hey, did anyone else just catch a strong smell of roses?" "Is that your perfume?"
2012-11-07 01:13:05 PM  
When subby's mom farts it sounds like a gentle breeze.

because of my cock.
2012-11-07 02:07:31 PM Full Size

But ROSES really smell like...

//fire like da aas en of dat wee'
2012-11-07 02:23:41 PM  
I say we use this in every Anime/Comic/Game Con.
2012-11-07 02:37:54 PM  
i536.photobucket.comView Full Size
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