How my wife gives directions:

So you get off the highway at the exit past the one for the town I work int, go up to the first light and go straight through it, go through the next 2 or 3 also. You'll go past the restaurant, you know the one where I go to have lunch with my co-workers. The food is reaaally good. They make the best lobster raviolis. Last time we were there I ordered a salad, because it was after Halloween and I ate SO much candy, but I was still hungry and wished I had ordered the ravioli. We'll have to go sometime. When I got back to the office Marge had a whole bowl of left-over Halloween candy and I ate like half the bowl. I was sick the rest of the day and that's why I couldn't eat dinner. Anyway you go past the restaurant and go a few more lights down to the gas station. I think its and Exxon or maybe a Shell. Not the first one the one after that. Did you know they charge more money if you use a credit card?. Ok so go past the gas station and in a few blocks down you turn onto Davis Street, or Davidson Street, maybe it's avenue. Is it street or avenue? Wait it's boulevard, no street, definitely street. So go about 5 minutes and turn on the street with the tree name. What's a common tree name? Anyway it's the gray house about half way around the street. I think Its gray. Just look for a silver car. Doesn't she drive a silver car? I think It's a Honda, it a small SUV...

Be thankful you don't ever have my girlfriend giving you directions...

Me: "So I make the next left?"
Her: "Right."
Me: "Right, as in correct? Or right as in right?"
Her: "Right here you turn left."

Aces and Eights: FormlessOne: 1. Ask whether they prefer turn-based or compass-based directions. I prefer turn-based in urban or densely populated areas, but compass-based in rural areas with few landmarks or signs.
2. Do not give "your favorite route," but the route most likely to be travelled by someone going there the first time, if you have a choice.
3. Do not use landmarks that cannot be recognized from a moving vehicle or require local knowledge to recognize. Seriously, if I have to hear another "go north once you cross into Old Man Parson's property" or "take a left at the tree that was struck by lightning about three years ago during the banjo jamboree," I'll throttle you.
4. Try not to give a route that cannot be retraced for the return trip, or at least warn the person receiving the directions that they won't be able to return using that route.
5. Learn to write down directions when received.

Wait, I missed the banjo jamboree?? Dang.

Yeah, the one where they served deep-fried Ho-Hos. Awesome, it was. Awesome.

FormlessOne: 1. Ask whether they prefer turn-based or compass-based directions. I prefer turn-based in urban or densely populated areas, but compass-based in rural areas with few landmarks or signs.
2. Do not give "your favorite route," but the route most likely to be travelled by someone going there the first time, if you have a choice.
3. Do not use landmarks that cannot be recognized from a moving vehicle or require local knowledge to recognize. Seriously, if I have to hear another "go north once you cross into Old Man Parson's property" or "take a left at the tree that was struck by lightning about three years ago during the banjo jamboree," I'll throttle you.
4. Try not to give a route that cannot be retraced for the return trip, or at least warn the person receiving the directions that they won't be able to return using that route.
5. Learn to write down directions when received.

Wait, I missed the banjo jamboree?? Dang.

1. Ask whether they prefer turn-based or compass-based directions. I prefer turn-based in urban or densely populated areas, but compass-based in rural areas with few landmarks or signs.
2. Do not give "your favorite route," but the route most likely to be travelled by someone going there the first time, if you have a choice.
3. Do not use landmarks that cannot be recognized from a moving vehicle or require local knowledge to recognize. Seriously, if I have to hear another "go north once you cross into Old Man Parson's property" or "take a left at the tree that was struck by lightning about three years ago during the banjo jamboree," I'll throttle you.
4. Try not to give a route that cannot be retraced for the return trip, or at least warn the person receiving the directions that they won't be able to return using that route.
5. Learn to write down directions when received.

I live in a neighborhood next to a large park and people almost daily stop and ask me for directions while I'm walking my dog. I don't know how well they follow them once they drive away, but the problem seems to be that they don't even want to listen to them. Like if it isn't just "go straight and turn left" they just get impatient and glassy-eyed.

Neumahn: Because most people are Askholes!

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FARKING THIS^^^

As a gym instructor I found this to be incredibly frustrating. People would constantly come up to me for advice [both where I worked - duh, and social settings once they found out what I did]. It wouldn't be uncommon for someone to nod away for 30 minutes and then COMPLETELY IGNORE my advice.

Farking askholes. Just broke my spirit after a few years. I can totally understand how doctors and the like quickly get jaded, just punching the clock and handing out pills.

// long retired gym instructor - it's a young persons' game

FunkOut: Also, not all women love shoe shopping

Amputees.

Because most people are Askholes!

Everyone who ever came out of this state, my dad, my aunt and uncle, my grandparents, and all of their friends, can't give directions for shiat.

"Ya just go down the road 'bout three sees and turn left at the corner of the pasture where old Joe used to keep his bulls. Course old Joe died 'bout 10 yars ago, and the fences are gone and the path's all growed up now. Ya cain't miss it."