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(Fark)   Obscure family member today: "I voted for the guy who isn't wrecking the country by forcing us all to be Muslims." Share your derp experiences from either side of the aisle from election day here   (fark.com) divider line 378
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7639 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Nov 2012 at 6:57 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-06 09:40:25 PM

geoduck42: weltallica: "I'm voting for George W Bush, because only he will stop the terrorists from attacking us."

Except of course that whole unfortunate business with the anthrax attacks, but we've all agreed to just never talk about that again.


Shut uuuuuup!
 
2012-11-06 09:40:37 PM
Not obscure, my parents. I thought they actually believed that Romney had a better economic plan, or maybe their support was because they traditionally just supported Republicans, but then my Mom brought up the whole "liberal conspiracy about getting a black guy to run for President to blackmail white people to vote for Democrats because you know a "vote against Obama means your a racist""

After that I didn't even try to talk about any flaws in Romney economic or social plans because she had gone to far to the derpside.
 
2012-11-06 09:40:46 PM

Anderson's Pooper: I guarantee that if Obama is re-elected that there will be banks closing and soldiers marching in the streets of the U.S. by next Monday.


Nope.
 
2012-11-06 09:45:57 PM

stonicus: Nope.


Yep. I'll put 6 months of TF on the line. 12 months if it happens after a Romney victory.
 
2012-11-06 09:46:42 PM

ilikeracecars: I didn't vote today because....


I want it to end in a tie and would hate to think that I kept this country from 4 years of a shared white house / awesome sit-com.

/I know that's not what happens.
 
2012-11-06 09:50:15 PM
Had my 85-year old Aunt and Uncle over for dinner last night. As usual, the topic of Obama comes up. My aunt says 'I don't like Romney, but I definitely don't want Obama to be re-elected. There's something about him i don't like...like he thinks he's better than us."

I say, half jokingly, "You mean he's uppity?"

"Yes! That's exactly the word I was looking for!"
 
2012-11-06 09:53:53 PM

Anderson's Pooper: stonicus: Nope.

Yep. I'll put 6 months of TF on the line. 12 months if it happens after a Romney victory.


Deal.

... *blinks*

ahhh, ancient chinese secret huh?

/nice try... hehehe... =)
 
2012-11-06 09:56:56 PM
Someone in line behind me said "Christ!" real loud and one of the poll workers said, "Don't the name of the Lord in vain." I guess there weren't any Freedom from Religion types there or else there would have been a scene.
 
2012-11-06 09:57:28 PM

stonicus: /nice try... hehehe... =)


One of the best days of the year. Courts and banks are closed. Schools are open. Bye bye kids, have fun, Daddy's going back to bed.
 
2012-11-06 09:59:19 PM

dennysgod: Mudgen: A well-educated friend sent me this derp just a little while ago.

[i1071.photobucket.com image 564x426]

"Well-educated", you sure are using that term very loosely.


He has a Master's in Electrical Engineering from a well-regarded university. I believe I use the term quite correctly.
 
2012-11-06 10:00:56 PM
Mom asked me if I voted.
I said no.
Mom asked "why?"
I said "I put no effort in actually researching the candidates so I don't actually know there stances or policies." I added "I don't want to vote just to make myself feel better and cancel out the vote of someone who actually put time and energy in research."
Mom says "what does that matter?"
 
2012-11-06 10:08:19 PM

ciberido


carterjw: Ann Rand was not a Christian philosopher.

Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, carterjw. I looked them up.

/Apes don't read philosophy

//Not directed at you so much as whoever needed that explained.


How about those who cannot spell Ayn Rand?

Not directed at you so much as whoever cannot spell her name.
 
2012-11-06 10:09:48 PM
My mother told me that god laid it upon her heart to talk to me about voting for Barry-O rather than R-money. And I quote "If you vote for Obama you're voting for the New World Order. He's going to usher in the Antichrist."

To her credit, she doesn't think he's the Antichrist.
 
2012-11-06 10:13:59 PM
How do you even begin to deceive yourself that this is rational thinking? How in the hell is this even a remotely close race? My brain is screaming.
 
2012-11-06 10:26:35 PM
Grandmother, while seeking assistance filling out her ballot: "Where is President Roosevelt on here?"

I did the right thing. Showed her the Obama circle, even though my head damn near exploded, 'cause I know the old broad's a yellow dog Democrat. But why does her vote count? Seriously...
 
2012-11-06 10:26:44 PM

Anderson's Pooper: stonicus: Nope.

Yep. I'll put 6 months of TF on the line. 12 months if it happens after a Romney victory.


Given that banks will be closed because of Veterans' Day, and soldiers will be marching in Veterans' Day parades, that's not much of a bet. :p
 
2012-11-06 10:28:37 PM

Mudgen: dennysgod: Mudgen: A well-educated friend sent me this derp just a little while ago.

[i1071.photobucket.com image 564x426]

"Well-educated", you sure are using that term very loosely.

He has a Master's in Electrical Engineering from a well-regarded university. I believe I use the term quite correctly.


That's training, not education.
 
2012-11-06 10:37:19 PM

Englebert Slaptyback: ciberido

carterjw: Ann Rand was not a Christian philosopher.

Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, carterjw. I looked them up.

/Apes don't read philosophy

//Not directed at you so much as whoever needed that explained.


How about those who cannot spell Ayn Rand?

Not directed at you so much as whoever cannot spell her name.


I was to busy trying to spell philosopher correctly. Give me a break.
 
2012-11-06 10:41:17 PM
So, according to the friend of a friend, Jesus invented marriage.
 
2012-11-06 10:41:23 PM

sgt cyanide: Your Average Witty Fark User: /she's a dumb farking twat

do it- if anything, her crazy can only increase


Do my mother? Not if forced to at gunpoint. You can have her- our entire county already has.
 
2012-11-06 10:43:57 PM
I personally have been busy the last two weeks selling off all my spare rifles and a lot of bulk ammo that I have collected over the past few years.

Hillbillies spent all their cash around the 2008 election in a blind panic, driving up rifle and ammo prices. Fast forward a year or two, and when they were out of cash they dumped them all at a loss. To me.
Now they are in buying panic again, and are buying at stupid prices. I am not going to complain. I'll replace it all buying it back from random hillbillies again in a year at half the price.

/one guy from a couple years ago just called me. Sold me an SKS for $150 in 2010, with a few hundred rounds of ammo included. Bought the same rifle back, this time for $350, no ammo. Same dude.
//Probably he will get short on rent or beer money and I'll pick it up again for $200 in six months after he realizes maybe the UN isn't going to come to force us to all be lesbian marxist vegetarians.
 
2012-11-06 10:47:05 PM
Hey, does anyone know how Fartbongo is doing yet?

What about the Magic Underwear guy?

If Zed wins, my websites will do OK, if Romney wins, I'll just make money some other way.
 
2012-11-06 10:50:29 PM
My mother informed me she voted for Romney because "he is more handsome than Obama."

Glad her uncle died over China, flying a fighter plane against the Japanese, so she had the right to play high school popularity contest as a 57 year old.
 
2012-11-06 10:56:56 PM
My conservative Catholic mother said that she was so afraid that Obama was going to mandate that all women *use* birth control pills..... smh.
 
2012-11-06 11:01:09 PM

Pipkin E: My mother told me that god laid it upon her heart to talk to me about voting for Barry-O rather than R-money. And I quote "If you vote for Obama you're voting for the New World Order. He's going to usher in the Antichrist."

To her credit, she doesn't think he's the Antichrist.


Your mother needs to see a psychiatrist.
 
2012-11-06 11:11:14 PM
"I saw earlier that Obama was ahead in the vote 64% to 40%, but that was primarily because Republican voters were still at work!"


Har. Har.
 
2012-11-06 11:12:28 PM
I once played Taboo with some inlaws.
The clue they were trying to guess: "Arab"

Aunt-in-law: "These are the bad people"
Cousins-in-law, in unison: Arabs!
 
2012-11-06 11:54:38 PM

ToxicMunkee: On what evidence does she base her opinion?


She studied it out. Haven't you?
 
2012-11-06 11:56:20 PM
I live in Ohio. My parents are Korean, but I was made in America.

This lovely campaign flyer arrived in the mail yesterday AND today.

i.imgur.com

Nice coded language. First, the odd use of the term "reunification", which has special resonance for Koreans.

Then the "Mek-shi-cans are jumping the line ahead of you and your family!"

And the pandering to foreign students who are studying math, science, and engineering, because that's all the Asian brain is good for.

Best of all, the "free tuition at colleges in Massachusetts for good students" line, which obviously means that Romney wants to give my precious kimchi-scented snowflakes a free ride to Harvard, Yale, or MIT.

Here is side 2:

i.imgur.com

Meh, pretty boring "diversity" boilerplate at the top. But what's this at the bottom?

Oh Lordy, Mitt's looking somewhat more... pigmented... than usual. Yellow, even.

And squinty.

And grinning all bucktoothed.

OMG... MITT ROMNEY IS ASIAN... JUST LIKE ME!!!

shiat, if they were trying to depict Romney with stereotypical Asian features, why didn't they just go full retard:

i.imgur.com
 
2012-11-07 12:19:02 AM

Silly Jesus: 1. Woman on phone at the grocery store. - "Christ is still the King and he has a plan for us. He will cast his vote."
2. Woman behind me in line to vote. - "Votin' is important. I gots to keep my check a comin'."

Guess who each voted for?

I still can't believe that we still allow ignorant / low information / outright retarded people to vote. Hell, a first grade math test would have likely thrown these two wastes of air out of the process.


well... it seems that you define retarted as not agreeing with you on things. if we only let people who agree with you vote, we might as well make you dictator.

/ not that id have an objection, might work out better.
 
2012-11-07 12:45:16 AM
I have an uncle in Florida who at the age of 45 had a heart attack and began collecting social security disability, retired from his sheriff position and collected the pension from that, as well as continuing to collect his military pension. He told this to my dad (who is the liberal of all liberals) as they took a ride in my uncle's new corvette. He told my dad he really doesn't need the disability checks, but takes them anyway. He remains a staunch republican and he and my dad do not speak anymore due to their political differences. It makes me sad that my dad who has been sick with chrons disease for 40 years will have to work until he dies because he can't afford not to, while this uncle owns brand new cars and boats and has a huge home, but is still sucking off the system. I was on medicaid while pregnant, which automatically qualifies me for food stamps, but I declined them, because I didn't need them.
I don't exactly think Obama is awesome, but lesser of two evils? yeah.
 
2012-11-07 12:47:22 AM
The dumb line that I heard was from a friend of mine who is an unemployed 21-year-old single mother with no GED. She said "Well if I can't get a job, why should he get to keep his?"

And she legitimately believes that it is Obama's fault that a single mother with an infant and no GED can't find work.
 
2012-11-07 01:08:58 AM

NannerPuss: My boss and a coworker were talking about all the guns they were going to buy in the next week if Obama gets re-elected because soon it would be illegal to buy them.


Their fears are well founded.
 
2012-11-07 01:18:03 AM

Insaniteus: The dumb line that I heard was from a friend of mine who is an unemployed 21-year-old single mother with no GED. She said "Well if I can't get a job, why should he get to keep his?"

And she legitimately believes that it is Obama's fault that a single mother with an infant and no GED can't find work.


She can't get a job at all? No waitress, no stripper, no environmental engineer position? Either she's butt ugly or its Barry's fault. Right, she had a kid.
 
2012-11-07 01:27:27 AM

Capt. Sparkles: I forgot to take a picture of it, but I found a post-it note stuck to a gas pump a few weeks ago that said this:

October 16th, 2007. $1.93/gallon
October 16th, 2012 (that day's date). $3.69/gallon
How is that hope and change we can believe in?


If you're not in Indianapolis, this must have been some sort of internet 'let's spread the message across the country' thing; I saw one on a gas pump about three weeks ago.
 
2012-11-07 01:36:59 AM

mpfjr: I voted for Obama because he is black"- Every black person in America

"I voted for Obama because I'm Mexican and want all my family and friends to be given amnesty"-Every Latino in America.


Actually, I had a conversation with an old Hispanic lady who voted loyally as a Republican since she got her permanent residence via Reagan's amnesty in the '80s. She said that she was not going to vote for Republicans for the first time because of all of the hateful things said about Hispanics during the Republican primaries.

Plus, I'm pretty sure Michael Steele, Herman Cain and Clarence Thomas voted for Romney.
 
2012-11-07 01:55:02 AM
Backstory: My grandmother lived with my aunt for the last decade. Her health slowly declined until late September, when she had a few mini-strokes, but still held on. For three weeks. In a hospice bed, catheterized, on morphine for pain, unable to ingest anything other than liquids, before she died on Oct 14.

Familial Derp Experience: From my aunt, as a Facebook post: "Thank God my momma was smart enough to get out while she could."

Uhm.....really? I love my Gran, but it seems like she would have rather avoided the daily suppositories, and other pains of her last days, as opposed to dipping out just before Obama was given a second term. I just don't even understand what Auntie was trying to say. farking dumb, anyways.
 
2012-11-07 02:07:58 AM

sloppyjoes7: NannerPuss: My boss and a coworker were talking about all the guns they were going to buy in the next week if Obama gets re-elected because soon it would be illegal to buy them.

Their fears are well founded.


In what respect, Charlie?
 
2012-11-07 02:09:48 AM

SevenizGud: "I voted for the guy who is going to pay me the most sit on my ass and crotch-shoot out a series of career felons

- every democrat ever"

 
2012-11-07 02:23:28 AM
Okay, I just experienced a tidal wave of nutty derp about one minute ago, from my mother, in person. Out of the overly dramatic and overly emotional rant, I gathered:

1. Obama is a socialist and communist.

2. Obama will probably refuse to leave office and will become a dictator.

3. Obama and his administration want to take away all constitutional rights.

4. Public college students are no longer allowed to privately gather and pray before sports games.

5. Iraq was definitely building a nuclear bomb to prepare for an attack against the US.

6. Saddam Hussein was best pals with all the middle-eastern terrorists.

7. She would get fired from her job if she said one tiny negative thing about Obama, ever. She works at a public library.

8. Soon religious expression and practice will be outlawed. Because it might offend atheists.

9. Being gay is a sin that develops into a mental illness and it's just as sick and wrong as pedophilia.

10. American businesses already give away nearly all their income to the government in the form of taxes.

11. American businesses are forced to relocate because of the high taxes on them, and after Obama soon takes all their profit, they will all move away.

12. The government is too big and has its nose stuck in what shouldn't be its business. However, nothing can be cited off the top of her head because she actually agrees with the government regulating what she considers sinful.

13. She is literally scared of Obama, and he is as bad as Adolph Hitler. When I commented that I would be scared of Obama too if he became genocidal, she responded that she wouldn't be surprised if he did.

There was more, but I had a hard time keeping track because my brain was frying.

/I knew I'd be more miserable if Obama won, just because I'll have to endure the religious right meltdown of my mom.
 
2012-11-07 02:26:50 AM
This is from one of my friend's wife. They live in Germany:

"Mornin'! What'd I tell ya? We're farkED! I'm so glad the Elections are over, and everyone can go back to their "regular" Life. Now I know for sure I don't want to go back to the States for another 4 years!!! Bad enough Bamberg is DEFINITELY closing now :( Goodbye Homeland! On another note... why do all the germans care who gets elected President in the States? It's not like he will take care of YOU! Hell, he don't even take care of most of us!!!"
 
2012-11-07 02:28:47 AM
Non-derp, but I have to share it: "Cheer up Todd Akin: if it's a legitimate loss, the body has a way of shutting it down."
 
2012-11-07 02:29:52 AM
Oh, and I nearly forgot this gem. When I asked her about her information sources (she doesn't use the internet; she can't even figure out how to play a music cd on a computer) she said she reads the magazines.

"Which magazines?"

"All of them!"

/For realz
 
2012-11-07 02:34:56 AM
This is from a physician I used to work with:

"I can't believe this race is even close. Obama is out on the road with Springsteen and Jay-Z trying to be cool and Romney is out talking about real issues like creating jobs and drawing larger crowds on his own. I guess Obama voters want America to be more like countries like Spain and Greece and Italy. Less freedom, more regulations, higher taxes, lower growth, higher unemployment and debt. Romney wants to take us back to the ideals that founded this country. Remember liberty. Obama is dividing us into demographics. The fake war on women. He is running on hand-outs to women like $10/month birth control, give aways to unions that are destroying states across the unions, green energy pleas (even after the billions that he gave away to certain green companies with our money), highering teachers (how does the federal government do that?), and taxing the rich (those evil people who have worked hard for their money in a supposedly free country).Yet his record shows he is incompetent, and has failed us as a nation. he has divided us. He is angry, and negative. And he let our Seals and our Ambassador die for no good reason. And things will get worse if he is re-elected."
 
2012-11-07 02:36:57 AM
From an old military buddy:

"[Obama won]. Now I'm going to lose my medical care because I can work. The benefits I fought for will be taken away from me. Thx for supporting your troops"
 
2012-11-07 02:47:54 AM

NannerPuss: My boss and a coworker were talking about all the guns they were going to buy in the next week if Obama gets re-elected because soon it would be illegal to buy them.


I am quite happy to sell them lots at inflated prices. When the bravado wears off and the rent is due in a few months, they will sell them at a loss for quick cash, and I'll just resell them again to new rednecks at inflated rates next election. Rinse. Repeat.

/I stopped loathing these morons, and simply made them into a business model.
 
2012-11-07 03:19:08 AM
My husband and i joked that Obama would go on stage and start out with a loud "Allahu Akbar" and then start the next sentence with a mighty "Alhumdulilah!" And end with a nice "InshaAllah." Since we're actually Muslims we found that fun, although the derp-filled backlash would probably be downright scary.
 
2012-11-07 03:27:17 AM

milkyshirt: Oh, and I nearly forgot this gem. When I asked her about her information sources (she doesn't use the internet; she can't even figure out how to play a music cd on a computer) she said she reads the magazines.

"Which magazines?"

"All of them!"

/For realz


0-o

That reminds me of my sister (except she cannot have kids, so no I'm not your uncle). We are in the kitchen and she starts a new conversation topic saying, "You should read a book."

I'm already reading a book at the time, but curious what book she would recommend or if she's falsely insinuating I don't read. She's known to be nice at first then after your guard is down make low blow "sucker punch" insults. So I calmly ask, "What book should I read?"

She replies as her eyes go wide-eyed crazy, "All of them!"

I smile and politely say, "Ok, I will read all the books."

She then gets upset and calls me crazy as she leaves the house.

/The crazy... she has it.
//She used to be quite good with "sucker punch" insults, but her crazy is now slowly ruining her once smooth technique.
 
2012-11-07 03:39:34 AM

PyroStock: That reminds me of my sister (except she cannot have kids, so no I'm not your uncle). We are in the kitchen and she starts a new conversation topic saying, "You should read a book."

I'm already reading a book at the time, but curious what book she would recommend or if she's falsely insinuating I don't read. She's known to be nice at first then after your guard is down make low blow "sucker punch" insults. So I calmly ask, "What book should I read?"

She replies as her eyes go wide-eyed crazy, "All of them!"

I smile and politely say, "Ok, I will read all the books."

She then gets upset and calls me crazy as she leaves the house.

 

i48.tinypic.com
 
2012-11-07 04:02:31 AM

MrHappyRotter: "Anybody that votes for Obama deserves what they get".

I still don't know what that means.


HEALTH CARE!
 
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