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(Cracked)   Seriously, why would you want to write an erotic novel about your co-workers?   (cracked.com) divider line 103
    More: Satire, Don O'Bangin, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Polk  
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16670 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Nov 2012 at 12:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-06 12:28:13 PM
Ooooh. Let's do this for everyone workplace sitcom on TV.

I have dibs on Two Broke Girls.
 
2012-11-06 12:30:18 PM
You're a Victoria Secret model?

/DNRTFA
 
2012-11-06 12:31:31 PM
I could come up with a new Saw movie involving my coworkers and bosses in about 20 minutes.
 
2012-11-06 12:32:37 PM
I ..uhh... wouldn't? is that the correct answer? Because if it is the correct answer I will go with that as my answer.
 
2012-11-06 12:34:13 PM
"You misunderstand, Rubber Buckway," she said, because that was his name. "I'm not calling to them because I want to go. I'm calling because they are other princesses trapped in the bodies of coyotes, and I want them to know you as the hero I've come to love."

As she spoke, true to her word, the other Indian ghosts encroached from the darkness in the form of wild dogs, their teeth bared in reverence for Rubber.

"They think you are the most handsome man they have ever seen," she said. "They want to know if you would be willing to have an orgy with all the princesses. That means have sex with all of them at the same time."

"I know what 'orgy' means."

"I think it's a good idea."


do tell me more then
 
2012-11-06 12:34:54 PM
There are several co-workers I would love to help fix their paper jam in the copy room, if you know what I mean....

//But I will not mix business with lust/pleasure.
 
2012-11-06 12:35:05 PM
Have you SEEN my co-workers?!
 
2012-11-06 12:37:31 PM

gusbot: Have you SEEN my co-workers?!


Damn! Beaten to the punch.
 
2012-11-06 12:41:19 PM
I believe it's called Peterotica and i think his coworker was some kind of Spanish.
 
2012-11-06 12:41:51 PM
I could write an erotic novel based solely on my co-worker's ass.
 
2012-11-06 12:42:31 PM
Given that I work on a floor that has a large number of hot South American / Latin American women, such a proposal as in Subby's headline is not as undersirable as one might think.
 
2012-11-06 12:44:51 PM
If you are a bouncer at a good strip club; then I understand.
 
2012-11-06 12:45:23 PM
Because you need the pageviews.
 
2012-11-06 12:45:43 PM
*cough*

I'm a little hot for teacher. Depending on the teacher in question.
 
2012-11-06 12:46:38 PM
I've had some incredibly hot, wild female co-workers. I've never hooked up with any of them because I'm a loser.
 
2012-11-06 12:47:05 PM
blog.commarts.wisc.edu

What about erotic friend fiction?
 
2012-11-06 12:47:22 PM
Thanks for that. My office has about 200 engineers.
 
2012-11-06 12:49:36 PM

Rapmaster2000: Thanks for that. My office has about 200 engineers.


How many western duster trench coats and leather fedoras is that?
 
2012-11-06 12:51:20 PM

thurstonxhowell: I could write an erotic novel based solely on my co-worker's ass rack.


FTFM and others.
 
2012-11-06 12:51:32 PM

shizbgby_v2: There are several co-workers I would love to help fix their paper jam in the copy room, if you know what I mean....


The next time my shorts ride up, would you help me pull my boxers out of my ass?
 
2012-11-06 12:52:08 PM

ObscureNameHere: Given that I work on a floor that has a large number of hot South American / Latin American women, such a proposal as in Subby's headline is not as undersirable as one might think.


Pics or it doesn't happen.
 
2012-11-06 12:56:01 PM

jaybeezey: I believe it's called Peterotica and i think his coworker was some kind of Spanish.


Bastard.

"The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish" by Peter Griffin.
Chapter One
Oh god, you should have seen this one hot chick. She was totally Italian...or maybe some kind of Spanish...
 
2012-11-06 12:56:06 PM

Shazam999: I've had some incredibly hot, wild female co-workers. I've never hooked up with any of them because I'm a loser.


Back when I worked in an office, surrounded by hot female co-workers I was going through my awkward, shy, not sure how to talk to women phase. Oh how I wish I could turn back time and put what I know now to use there. It almost makes me want to just change jobs and go back to working in a large office again just for all the women. I still kick myself sometimes for all the missed chances.
 
2012-11-06 12:57:31 PM
omg ew.
 
2012-11-06 12:58:48 PM
As I'm currently a full-time college student, can that mean classmates, in lieu of coworkers?

freshman girls are are favoring yoga pants over the short shorts as the weather gets colder.....
 
2012-11-06 12:59:15 PM
Well, I work in the apartment business, which is something like 75% women. Some of which are scorching hot...
 
2012-11-06 12:59:35 PM
Never get your buns where you make your bread.
 
2012-11-06 01:00:14 PM
I don't know. I think the prospect of Seanbaby farking an avalanche has some merit.

And even as he rolled pantsless between the moist pockets and jagged debris like a tongue in a mouth, he knew that this couldn't continue. "This is the last time," he thought. "I'm with Carol now, and I love her. I can't keep farking avalanches like this."
 
2012-11-06 01:00:19 PM
I work out of a home office. I am my only co-worker.

/hmmm
 
2012-11-06 01:00:39 PM

Rapmaster2000: Thanks for that. My office has about 200 engineers.


My former office had hundreds of federal agents, most young, fit and handsome. About 80% of them were 10s, 15% were 7-9s, and the remaining 5% 7s and below. At the time I could definitely see the erotic novel potential. As it was, my female co-workers and I (only 6 of us in the office) discussed the matter thoroughly, and figured we had enough material for beefcake calendars for several years.

The eye-candy is the only thing I miss about that job.
 
2012-11-06 01:02:16 PM

suthrnrunt: Never get your buns where you make your bread.


Or "don't fish off the company pier."

/broke that rule on several occasions. Knowing where you stand in the organization gives you a little bit of wiggle room
//oh could she wiggle...
 
2012-11-06 01:02:33 PM
I have been fortunate to have several jobs where I could rub one out in a harem fantasy. At home, of course.
 
2012-11-06 01:06:45 PM
 
2012-11-06 01:07:34 PM
I work by myself so the erotica would have to be about my barcode scanner, packing tape dispenser, a stack of books and cardboard boxes.

And the barcode scanner would be the equivalent of granny porn. On the verge of breaking a hip if the stud pushes too hard.
 
2012-11-06 01:08:12 PM

Uzzah: suthrnrunt: Never get your buns where you make your bread.

Or "don't fish off the company pier."

/broke that rule on several occasions. Knowing where you stand in the organization gives you a little bit of wiggle room
//oh could she wiggle...


Tricks I learned after deciding to break the 'don't date where you work' rule.

1. Treat the girl with respect (I know this should be obvious but it isn't for some guys).

2. Avoid getting drawn into an argument when breaking up (Had 2 girls try to draw me into an argument even though they had been disrespectful to me and they were the ones who wanted to break up. Took a lot of resolve but I managed to stay cool and just keep civil).

3. This one is kinda harsh and should never be abused, but be more popular than the person you are dating. People will take sides when a couple break up at work, make sure you know that more people will take your side or you'll be in for a rough ride.

Even following these rules though, sometimes it's impossible to avoid some drama. I still couldn't answer whether it's worth it. I don't have regrets but sometimes I wonder if I should...
 
2012-11-06 01:08:35 PM

El Brujo: Rapmaster2000: Thanks for that. My office has about 200 engineers.

How many western duster trench coats and leather fedoras is that?


Here are the worst things I regularly see.

1. The dude who always wears the leather western stitch vest around the office all day.
2. The two guys who always wear a black leather cowboy hat to the office (I wonder who thinks who stole the look).
3. Shorts pulled up over the gut such that the waist appears to be at the base of the ribcage.
4. Polyester stretch pants.

This place is better than some other places I've worked in the style department. When I was at Motorola, there were three sysadmins who all wore leather biker jackets and would smoke in front of the office like a gang of 50s greasers.
 
2012-11-06 01:11:46 PM
You would understand if you worked with me...
 
2012-11-06 01:12:32 PM
I work in an I/T sweatshop command center. So thats going to be a huge negitory!!!
 
2012-11-06 01:12:43 PM

Honest Bender: [blog.commarts.wisc.edu image 300x168]

What about erotic friend fiction?


came here for this, leaving satisfied.
 
2012-11-06 01:14:45 PM
I work at a university. We hire students for the work/study program. Writing about some of the college girls that have worked for us throughout the years would be epic.
 
2012-11-06 01:16:26 PM
Shelly in Customer Service was nervous. She should have never worn this short of a skirt to work today. It barely covered her nice, shapely butt and her boss, Mrs. Puckerpuss, looked at her with dagger in her eys.

"Well, maybe Miss Puckerpuss, if you didn't have long shapely legs like these, you wouldn't wear those ill fitting slacks. And my rack is absolutely perfect. Why it just heaves out of the short blouse and the buttons seem ready to burst at any moment" she thought to herself.

Those thoughts made her want to check to see that her breasts were still confined. But she knew that if she managed to check her lacy bra with her hands, she would never stop. No. They would have to check the rest of her outfit. The short skirt, the nylons and even the thong which even now grew saturated with love juice. "But back to work," she told herself. The idiots in shipping had sent the Genex Corporation the wrong supplies again. Leave it to Shelly to clean up the mess.

"No sir. We apologize for the error. Those surface to air missiles were supposed to go to Iran" she told the angry customer. "I know they were labelled "Baby Formula". That's the only way Fed Ex will accept them! Your shipment of instant noodles have left the warehouse. I can give you a tracking code if you want."

It took a while but the stranger at the other end of the line was finally satisfied. Shelly didn't have to promise him a discount on his next shipment. That would look good on her performance review. She took a moment to relax and think about her silk stockings. So soft! If only I could get Cheryl in the next cube to feel them. Maybe during lunch. That feeling returned to her.

"Hey. Looks like I'm going to be down here a bit longer" said Network Technician Harry Freakstorm. "Your computer wiring is all messed up. I'm surprised you haven't been hacked. Just forget that I'm under your desk. This will take a while. Also, you may hear camera sounds and flashes of light. that's my line tester. So just uncross your legs and get back to work."

Shelly nodded. that Harry was always finding problems with her system. What a great worker he was. Oh well, there were some calls in the queue. Time to get back to work. She uncrossed her legs and she could hear Harry's wire timing tool clicking away. He must have found a hacker.
 
2012-11-06 01:21:05 PM

Rapmaster2000: This place is better than some other places I've worked in the style department. When I was at Motorola, there were three sysadmins who all wore leather biker jackets and would smoke in front of the office like a gang of 50s greasers.


were they all bald?
 
2012-11-06 01:21:38 PM

Harry Freakstorm: Shelly in Customer Service was nervous. She should have never worn this short of a skirt to work today. It barely covered her nice, shapely butt and her boss, Mrs. Puckerpuss, looked at her with dagger in her eys.

"Well, maybe Miss Puckerpuss, if you didn't have long shapely legs like these, you wouldn't wear those ill fitting slacks. And my rack is absolutely perfect. Why it just heaves out of the short blouse and the buttons seem ready to burst at any moment" she thought to herself.

Those thoughts made her want to check to see that her breasts were still confined. But she knew that if she managed to check her lacy bra with her hands, she would never stop. No. They would have to check the rest of her outfit. The short skirt, the nylons and even the thong which even now grew saturated with love juice. "But back to work," she told herself. The idiots in shipping had sent the Genex Corporation the wrong supplies again. Leave it to Shelly to clean up the mess.

"No sir. We apologize for the error. Those surface to air missiles were supposed to go to Iran" she told the angry customer. "I know they were labelled "Baby Formula". That's the only way Fed Ex will accept them! Your shipment of instant noodles have left the warehouse. I can give you a tracking code if you want."

It took a while but the stranger at the other end of the line was finally satisfied. Shelly didn't have to promise him a discount on his next shipment. That would look good on her performance review. She took a moment to relax and think about her silk stockings. So soft! If only I could get Cheryl in the next cube to feel them. Maybe during lunch. That feeling returned to her.

"Hey. Looks like I'm going to be down here a bit longer" said Network Technician Harry Freakstorm. "Your computer wiring is all messed up. I'm surprised you haven't been hacked. Just forget that I'm under your desk. This will take a while. Also, you may hear camera sounds and flashes of light. ...


FA.. oops done.. anyone got a kleenex?
 
2012-11-06 01:22:31 PM
damnit all to hell, there's only two females in my office

the pregnant one or the former girlfriend of the office dork
 
2012-11-06 01:23:18 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-11-06 01:25:15 PM
120 days of Sodom, maybe, with what i have here to work with
 
2012-11-06 01:27:37 PM

loonatic112358: damnit all to hell, there's only two females in my office

the pregnant one or the former girlfriend of the office dork


I'll take the pregnant one as long as I don't have to pay for babby.
 
2012-11-06 01:28:50 PM

loonatic112358: Rapmaster2000: This place is better than some other places I've worked in the style department. When I was at Motorola, there were three sysadmins who all wore leather biker jackets and would smoke in front of the office like a gang of 50s greasers.

were they all bald?


I don't think so. This was 13 years ago, so they'd probably be bald now.
 
2012-11-06 01:30:34 PM
Because they're almost always hot.
 
2012-11-06 01:32:56 PM

Shazam999: I've had some incredibly hot, wild female co-workers. I've never hooked up with any of them because I'm a loser.


This.
 
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