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(Mother Nature Network)   Five easy ways to make yourself sick for a week. For some reason going into your mom's bedroom didn't make the list   (mnn.com) divider line 53
    More: Interesting, urgent care, your mom, moral of the story, runny nose, dirty diapers, advice columnist, bedrooms  
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14415 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Nov 2012 at 10:48 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-05 09:35:13 AM
# 6: Lick all your money.

This one kills me:

Put your hands on anything and everything in the doctor's office waiting room, especially your pediatrician's office, which, according to WebMD, is a hotbed for germs, with sick patients touching toys and magazines, and leaving their germs all over them. If you're very lucky, you may catch something positively frightening.

Yet there are always toys and magazines in the waiting room. Ignorant to the obvious, or drumming up business?

/always has a "car book"
 
2012-11-05 10:50:27 AM
I work at an airport, I think that would count for something. Not only that but I handle the money and the people. The only way it could get worse is if I took one of the cleaning jobs.
 
2012-11-05 10:52:21 AM
Plan a weeklong vacation.

I seem to always get sick just as I am going on vacation.
 
2012-11-05 10:52:23 AM
Between my wife and my kids, I have two of those covered.
 
2012-11-05 10:52:26 AM
This is the stupid article aver greenlighted.
 
2012-11-05 10:53:22 AM
Now I remember what garbage that site truly is.

I do all of the above to keep my immune system healthy.
 
2012-11-05 10:54:09 AM
Missing, take a trans-Atlantic flight.
 
2012-11-05 10:54:15 AM
I work in a school and my wife works in a hospital. We have 3 kids in a different school district and they're all in extra curriculars with kids from different schools.

We couldnt catch colds any easier if we ordered them from Amazon.com.
 
2012-11-05 10:54:48 AM
Look at subby's wife naked.
 
2012-11-05 10:55:01 AM
Licking my taint.
/if I could I'd never leave my house.
//taint.
 
2012-11-05 10:55:27 AM
I think they forgot "have kids" and "fly". I always seem to get sick immediately following a trip by aircraft.
 
2012-11-05 10:56:25 AM
Nah - the best way to get sick is simple:

Book a holiday.

Works every time.
 
2012-11-05 10:57:25 AM
Ias the obvious tag taking the day off?
 
2012-11-05 10:58:26 AM
I was expecting this article would be more specific and give real examples of things to do to get sick. For example, eat a pound of black jelly beans. You won't be able to leave the bathroom for a week.
 
2012-11-05 10:59:38 AM

The more you eat the more you fart: Look at subby's wife naked.


therynoshorn.com
 
2012-11-05 10:59:53 AM

barncook: I was expecting this article would be more specific and give real examples of things to do to get sick. For example, eat a pound of black jelly beans a coupold of MREs. You won't be able to leave go to the bathroom for a week.

/military
 
2012-11-05 11:01:23 AM

HailRobonia: Plan a weeklong vacation.

I seem to always get sick just as I am going on vacation.


bonno: Nah - the best way to get sick is simple:

Book a holiday.

Works every time.


Yep. This past weekend was the first I haven't been on pager duty for over a month. Last week I busted my ass to make sure I wouldn't need to put in OT on my first pager-free weekend in so long. Made plans, was psyched. Then, at about 4:30pm on Friday, I felt it. Swollen neck glands, voice cutting out, mucus. I wanted to kill someone.
 
2012-11-05 11:02:06 AM
images.wikia.com
Bedroom is fine, just stay out of her office.

/aint no sink in the office.
 
2012-11-05 11:02:47 AM

cgraves67: I think they forgot "have kids" and "fly". I always seem to get sick immediately following a trip by aircraft.


Whew! I'm covered then.
 
2012-11-05 11:08:29 AM

Diogenes: Made plans, was psyched. Then, at about 4:30pm on Friday, I felt it. Swollen neck glands, voice cutting out, mucus. I wanted to kill someone.


Homicidal tendencies are not, despite what some might say, a symptom of a communicable disease. You need to get yourself checked out into a mental health facility!

:D
 
2012-11-05 11:13:18 AM

stevarooni: Diogenes: Made plans, was psyched. Then, at about 4:30pm on Friday, I felt it. Swollen neck glands, voice cutting out, mucus. I wanted to kill someone.

Homicidal tendencies are not, despite what some might say, a symptom of a communicable disease. You need to get yourself checked out into a mental health facility!

:D


You never met my grandmother. She can make anyone stabby.
 
2012-11-05 11:16:53 AM
#6: Have a scheduled exam in school the next day. Students seem to fall ill suddenly when it comes to exam days.
 
2012-11-05 11:26:52 AM
Huh, I believe the opposite. Too much washing of hands, etc. is bad for your immune system. I also eat food left out overnight. I know, shocking. I recently ate eggs five months past the expiration date.... GASP. I prefer the very scientific smell test for my food.
 
2012-11-05 11:27:56 AM

Five easy ways to make yourself sick for a week.


Thanks for the heads-up, I guess. Yay. Or something.
 
2012-11-05 11:28:14 AM

Diogenes: HailRobonia: Plan a weeklong vacation.

I seem to always get sick just as I am going on vacation.

bonno: Nah - the best way to get sick is simple:

Book a holiday.

Works every time.

Yep. This past weekend was the first I haven't been on pager duty for over a month. Last week I busted my ass to make sure I wouldn't need to put in OT on my first pager-free weekend in so long. Made plans, was psyched. Then, at about 4:30pm on Friday, I felt it. Swollen neck glands, voice cutting out, mucus. I wanted to kill someone.


Sounds like I word in a field with similar demands. Works like this: bust your ass for the week leading up, so you can indeed go a weekend without any "homework," as my kids call it. Usually means I compress my typical 60 hours in 7 days to 60 in four or five. Throw in less sleep and poor eating, and you've got a pretty good recipe for getting sick.

/ and yet, I still do this, time and again. Something about coding under the gun, or something like that.
// funny how in this day and age of connectivity, sick days mostly impact your days off instead of one's working days.
 
2012-11-05 11:30:42 AM
Buy Halo 4. You'll be "sick" for a week!
 
2012-11-05 11:32:53 AM
Go to the Politics tab
 
2012-11-05 11:37:20 AM
There is a dude in my office that is sick ALL the time.
His stupid kids get sick all the time too.
I'm pretty sure that if Polio is reintroduced on a large scale, it will be his fault.
 
2012-11-05 11:37:37 AM
Chicken tartare
 
2012-11-05 11:38:35 AM

DragonIV: // funny how in this day and age of connectivity, sick days mostly impact your days off instead of one's working days.


Yeah. And it kills me when people think I have it easy because I can work from home. It just means work can intrude further into your personal life. Storm closing the building? Well, you can continue to work if you have connectivity.

Shiat, I get paged for stuff even when I'm not on the damned schedule. Partly due to our processes, partly due to the fact that my counterpart is a dumbfark.
 
2012-11-05 11:39:14 AM

dennysgod: Go to the Politics tab


Are we talking about physical or mental illness, here?

/those farkers are going cut-snake crazy in that tab
 
2012-11-05 11:44:57 AM

filter: Now I remember what garbage that site truly is.

I do all of the above to keep my immune system healthy.


Mother Nature Network: Providing sound advice for environmentalists, left wingers, and other basement-dwelling misanthropes who need excuses to avoid all contact with their fellow human beings for fear of being infected with any form of biological or psychological contamination.

/our theories work PERFECTLY on paper, in computer models, even in carefully controlled and isolated experiments
//it's the lack of controls on the real world that's the problem
 
2012-11-05 11:46:50 AM
Five easy ways to make yourself sick for a week. For some reason going into your mom's bedroom didn't make the list

That's because herpes is forever.
 
2012-11-05 11:47:14 AM
take the subway/ metro a lot and touch everything, especially the handrails on the escalators. jam yourself into the cars crowded with the most people or with the most homeless-looking people.

do a very intense workout that causes you to sweat a lot. then, to cool off, take your dog for a long walk wearing just your sweaty t-shirt and shorts in 40-degree weather. bonus: a little rain will get you really sick.
 
2012-11-05 11:53:58 AM
As a mom of a toddler as well as working in a non profit thrift store in the ghetto, I laugh at you all, for I have not been sick in two years.

HAHA!
 
2012-11-05 11:55:29 AM
Oh my god DAD! What ARE YOU DOING TO MOM!
I'm disgusted and traumatized!
//She actually likes the counterclockwise swirl, you should know that!
 
2012-11-05 11:56:09 AM
Put the movie Showgirls on loop.
 
2012-11-05 11:56:53 AM
Become so dependent on anti-bacterials that your immune system turns to shiat.
 
2012-11-05 12:09:57 PM
Article was spot-on about hospitals, especially if you work in an area with a lot of foot traffic. Service vendors are the worst; they pretty much ignore cleanliness procedures. I had one vendor come in to tell me that our Employee Health had just diagnosed him with norovirus, and he was leaving for the day. That's information he should have phoned in. We immediately started scrubbing down doorknobs and everything else he might have touched, but it was too late. Half of us were camped out in our home bathrooms by the next morning.
 
2012-11-05 12:28:25 PM
I don't work in a hospital, and I never visit sick friends or relatives there.

When I take my sick kid to a doc, I make him stand in a corner on a paper towel.

I avoid children like they were rabid pitbulls.

I wash my hands three times before and after meals and pit stops.

When someone sticks a hand out to shake, I just look at him like he's nuts.

I use my elbow to open public restroom doors and flush. I don't wash if everything isn't hands-free.

So people who tell me I'm sick are just wrong.
 
2012-11-05 12:32:58 PM
1) Brandy
 
2012-11-05 12:37:57 PM

DarthBart: Chicken tartare


www.spice-world.de
 
2012-11-05 01:06:09 PM
#9 Insulate your snowflakes from the world. Never let them touch shopping carts or handrails or let them share someone else's cup or fork. Do everything in your power to ensure they never develop an immune system.
 
2012-11-05 01:19:08 PM

DarthBart: Chicken tartare


Shrimp cocktail at the Dennys in Socorro, NM.
 
2012-11-05 01:34:23 PM
#6 - Drive a bus full of elementary school kids.

Still haven't quite shaken this year's cold. I think we're swapping it back and forth among ourselves.

Love those kids, otherwise.
 
2012-11-05 01:40:23 PM
Go to Hajj.

/sick
 
2012-11-05 02:15:07 PM
This list is B.S. 1 liter of Jose Cuervo gold tequila plus six tacos from taco bell.
 
2012-11-05 02:31:36 PM
fireclown:
images.wikia.com
Bedroom is fine, just stay out of her office.

/aint no sink in the office.


Just curious but what series is that from?
 
2012-11-05 02:58:53 PM

BarkingUnicorn: I don't work in a hospital, and I never visit sick friends or relatives there.

When I take my sick kid to a doc, I make him stand in a corner on a paper towel.

I avoid children like they were rabid pitbulls.

I wash my hands three times before and after meals and pit stops.

When someone sticks a hand out to shake, I just look at him like he's nuts.

I use my elbow to open public restroom doors and flush. I don't wash if everything isn't hands-free.

So people who tell me I'm sick are just wrong.


Is that you, Mitt?
 
2012-11-05 03:06:38 PM

Resident Muslim: Go to Hajj.

/sick


I thought you all had to thoroughly wash yourselves first.
 
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