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(Ohio.com)   In prison, your nickname is often linked to your crime, and says much about your standing with the other inmates. Meet Goldilocks   (ohio.com) divider line 83
    More: Amusing, Goldilocks, Cuyahoga Falls, jail  
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20464 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Nov 2012 at 5:52 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



83 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-11-02 05:53:55 PM
I guess he just couldn't...

resist a rest.
 
2012-11-02 05:54:08 PM
rapey bapey
 
2012-11-02 05:54:15 PM
Sounds like someone got wasted on Halloween.
 
2012-11-02 05:54:49 PM
I once saw a man eat 50 eggs

/Takin' it off here boss!
 
2012-11-02 05:55:51 PM
farked 3 bears?
 
2012-11-02 05:56:31 PM
Just call him Rip Van Burgle and let the boys on cell block B decide what to do with him.
 
2012-11-02 05:56:54 PM
Hey man, breaking and entering is a lot of work.
 
2012-11-02 05:58:05 PM
static.tvguide.com
 
2012-11-02 06:04:46 PM

illannoyin: I once saw a man eat 50 eggs

/Takin' it off here boss!


What we have here... Is a failure to communicate.

/ that'll be night in the box, Luke.
 
2012-11-02 06:05:51 PM
Sounds like a good prison nickname is what someone named Dakota or Aden needs to succeed. Something that says "swift death will come upon my enemies" or "Daddy is tough."
 
2012-11-02 06:09:12 PM
Dorothy will know what to do with him.
www.rowsdowr.com
 
2012-11-02 06:11:44 PM

ProdigalSigh: Dorothy will know what to do with him.
[www.rowsdowr.com image 150x150]


"Somewherrrreee over the rainbow...there's another rainbow..."
 
2012-11-02 06:12:46 PM
Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?
 
2012-11-02 06:17:56 PM

The One True TheDavid: Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?


still sore, huh?
 
2012-11-02 06:19:35 PM
"How's it goin'... ummm... violator...?"
 
2012-11-02 06:20:11 PM
Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?

Not for long.
 
2012-11-02 06:20:43 PM
Some porridge would have sobered him right up.
 
2012-11-02 06:20:51 PM
img502.imageshack.us
 
2012-11-02 06:20:58 PM
The One True TheDavid : Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?


Right, I'm sure the politicians and legislators who only get elected due to the support of the prison guards unions will be ALL OVER changing laws and prison regulations in order to ensure fairness and equity for all. I mean, they've spent the last 40 years doing just that, right?
 
2012-11-02 06:22:05 PM
Purdy face like that, he probably will be saying "This one is too hard" quite a lot.
 
2012-11-02 06:22:50 PM
Well, that's a new twist on Stalag 13
 
2012-11-02 06:23:12 PM
I wonder if he was super drunk and just stumbled into the wrong house?

Also, I'm not super impressed with the police who find a suspect unconscious and still can't arrest him without using a taser.
 
2012-11-02 06:23:55 PM

The One True TheDavid: Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?


You know, I bet the system takes prison rape very seriously.
I'm sure they would love to prosecute this and other forms of prison violence.
However, what do you think happens to you if you "rat" on your rapist?
How often do witnesses testify against the rapist?
 
2012-11-02 06:27:20 PM

The One True TheDavid: Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?


images.wikia.com
This post best read in the voice of Tom Dubois.
 
2012-11-02 06:30:07 PM
Skyd1v:
[copyright infringing image]

Take this lad out and pun-ish him.
 
2012-11-02 06:30:31 PM

Amos Quito: I guess he just couldn't...

resist a rest.


You're killing me here.
 
2012-11-02 06:31:49 PM
"Do you have a warrant? May I see it, please?"
 
2012-11-02 06:32:32 PM
Just exactly why do they call you 'Hoover'?
 
2012-11-02 06:35:54 PM
Way
to
go,
Ohio
 
2012-11-02 06:36:41 PM
Knew of a guy nicknamed "Bambi"... He shot a buck and got caught having intercourse with the corpse...
 
2012-11-02 06:36:47 PM

The One True TheDavid: Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?


No.

So, not really worried about it.
 
2012-11-02 06:37:25 PM
Note to self: Cancel breaking and entering plan at Mammoth Caves.
 
2012-11-02 06:39:51 PM

pottie: Just exactly why do they call you 'Hoover'?


*shrugs*

I could posit, but they should really speak for themselves, no?
 
2012-11-02 06:42:44 PM

Indubitably: pottie: Just exactly why do they call you 'Hoover'?

*shrugs*

I could posit, but they should really speak for themselves, no?


Hoov'er? Damn near-Oh, wait...
 
2012-11-02 06:43:32 PM
static2.dmcdn.net
"Yes, I'm Dorothy"
 
2012-11-02 06:46:10 PM
My prison name was "Mudwhistle".
 
2012-11-02 06:47:38 PM

The One True TheDavid: Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?


NO
 
2012-11-02 06:54:23 PM
Fark has been around for a long time. There have got to be some guys on Fark who were in prison at some point.

Any Farkers here have any CSB's to share? How many Farkers are using their prison nicknames as their Fark ID?

END COMMUNICATION
 
2012-11-02 06:59:31 PM

Lord Zardoz: Fark has been around for a long time. There have got to be some guys on Fark who were in prison at some point.

Any Farkers here have any CSB's to share? How many Farkers are using their prison nicknames as their Fark ID?

END COMMUNICATION

How To Shut Down A Thread


By You.

*)

P.S. To Hoov?
 
2012-11-02 07:08:16 PM

Mitrovarr: I wonder if he was super drunk and just stumbled into the wrong house?

Also, I'm not super impressed with the police who find a suspect unconscious and still can't arrest him without using a taser.


I could buy this story. I walked in and found a 50ish year-old, drunken guy asleep on my dining room rug one night a couple years ago. He'd lived in my house when he was a kid.
My first reaction was to give him the bum's rush out and send him sprawling onto my yard, but when I roused him he was completely disoriented and genuinely had no idea what was going on. Anyway, I called a cab for him and in the meanwhile learned a little bit more about my old house's history.
Than I banged Morgan Fairchild. Yeah. That's the ticket.
 
2012-11-02 07:08:17 PM

Why Would I Read the Article: The One True TheDavid : Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?

Right, I'm sure the politicians and legislators who only get elected due to the support of the prison guards unions will be ALL OVER changing laws and prison regulations in order to ensure fairness and equity for all. I mean, they've spent the last 40 years doing just that, right?


Serious question: are C.O.s Pro-rape? Excluding rapists and molesters.
 
2012-11-02 07:08:47 PM
He's not going to jail. He'll get probation and sent to mandatory 12-step.
 
2012-11-02 07:09:59 PM

Goldilocks? More like Vicky.

cdn.chud.com

 
182
2012-11-02 07:13:50 PM
 
2012-11-02 07:14:22 PM

Sticky Hands: farked 3 bears?


Maybe.

werenotfunny.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-11-02 07:23:39 PM
Headline better than story.

/still a better story than Twilight
//+1 Subby
///FWIW I agree with prison rape being unfunny
////slashies
 
2012-11-02 07:23:52 PM

wildcardjack: Sounds like someone got wasted on Halloween.


Not only that, but clearly at least one of them farking drove.
 
2012-11-02 07:24:06 PM

Amos Quito: I guess he just couldn't...

resist a rest.


This is why the link was greenlit...for this comment... Awesome, totally awesome!
 
2012-11-02 07:26:34 PM

The One True TheDavid: Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?


I'm with you... Yeah, it's always wrong, even for murderers and child molesters. But it's hard to generate a lot of emotion there. That being said, I promise you if a guy doing a stint for weed were raped in prison, people would feel horrible about it, and if a guard looked the other way, people would call for his head. In all honesty, even this guy seems like a mostly harmless idiot.
 
2012-11-02 07:28:26 PM

Amos Quito: I guess he just couldn't...

resist a rest.


I've always loved you, so let us relax and talk about your hair...

*)
 
2012-11-02 07:29:15 PM
pissedoffmick: Serious question: are C.O.s Pro-rape? Excluding rapists and molesters.

I doubt it, but when's the last time a cop ever did anything helpful for anybody? Why would they forgo one of their 58 minutes per every hour mandated break and stop/investigate a rape when they can continue taking bribes from the cons to be allowed to sneak in cigarettes and drugs? Sure, they don't "want" anybody to get raped, but they'll be damned if they're gonna do anything about it.

/ Cops are worthless
 
2012-11-02 07:33:20 PM

Why Would I Read the Article: pissedoffmick: Serious question: are C.O.s Pro-rape? Excluding rapists and molesters.

I doubt it, but when's the last time a cop ever did anything helpful for anybody? Why would they forgo one of their 58 minutes per every hour mandated break and stop/investigate a rape when they can continue taking bribes from the cons to be allowed to sneak in cigarettes and drugs? Sure, they don't "want" anybody to get raped, but they'll be damned if they're gonna do anything about it.

/ Cops are worthless


? / Lead by example, or give up the badge/patch/stars/stripes, dig?
 
2012-11-02 07:35:22 PM

ShadowWolf: Knew of a guy nicknamed "Bambi"... He shot a buck and got caught having intercourse with the corpse...


I believe the correct word is "carcass" when it's an animal.

///worse reason ever to be called "Bambi"
 
2012-11-02 07:37:09 PM

Indubitably: Amos Quito: I guess he just couldn't...

resist a rest.

I've always loved you, so let us relax and talk about your hair...

*)


Get a room or a prison cell. Ewww
 
2012-11-02 07:38:01 PM

red5ish: He's not going to jail. He'll get probation and sent to mandatory 12-step.


That's probably what he needs. He could be one of those guys who's just fine once he gets sober. Fighting the cops was a bad idea, though. That'll make it harder for him.
 
2012-11-02 07:45:51 PM
Prison isn't meant to be a nice place, but allowing the most violent criminals to assault other inmates isn't particularly clever, imho. The fact that rape is subtly condoned in prison is really quite sickening, especially when you consider how many innocent people and people guilty of petty or non-violent crimes are locked up every year.

I would encourage everyone that quietly condones rape in prison to reevaluate their stance, or come out strongly in favor of it. The US has more people locked than any other country, and a high percentage of those are violently assaulted during their stay. If you want to discourage crime outside prison, you might want to set a decent example inside the prison. Otherwise, enjoy the farking angry people that fought their way to the top through violence, and the farking angry people that were abused. I'm sure they'll all make society a much better place.
 
2012-11-02 07:49:28 PM

epoc_tnac: come out strongly in favor of it


huh?
 
2012-11-02 07:51:44 PM

epoc_tnac: Prison isn't meant to be a nice place, but allowing the most violent criminals to assault other inmates isn't particularly clever, imho. The fact that rape is subtly condoned in prison is really quite sickening, especially when you consider how many innocent people and people guilty of petty or non-violent crimes are locked up every year.

I would encourage everyone that quietly condones rape in prison to reevaluate their stance, or come out strongly in favor of it. The US has more people locked than any other country, and a high percentage of those are violently assaulted during their stay. If you want to discourage crime outside prison, you might want to set a decent example inside the prison. Otherwise, enjoy the farking angry people that fought their way to the top through violence, and the farking angry people that were abused. I'm sure they'll all make society a much better place.


Prisons encourage recidivism through dysfunction. I am sick of dysfunction on earth, whether it is institutional, religional, businessinal, or governmental.

Grow up, y'all.

Human first.

Profit second.

That is all.

OR:
 
2012-11-02 07:52:28 PM

Mark Ratner: Indubitably: Amos Quito: I guess he just couldn't...

resist a rest.

I've always loved you, so let us relax and talk about your hair...

*)

Get a room or a prison cell. Ewww


Grow up.

I'm making peas.
 
2012-11-02 07:53:45 PM
Businessinal is a word? :-/
 
2012-11-02 07:55:41 PM
Indubitably
are you off your medication again?
 
2012-11-02 07:56:57 PM

Arctic Phoenix: The One True TheDavid: Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?

No.

So, not really worried about it.


You sound like the life of the party
 
2012-11-02 08:16:22 PM

pottie: Indubitably
are you off your medication again?


Nope.

Currently medicated, you?

*)
 
2012-11-02 08:17:10 PM

Mark Ratner: Businessinal is a word? :-/


Nope.

I just made it up, somewhat poetically, I might add...
 
2012-11-02 08:18:04 PM
Haters: *lol* 

Try love.
 
2012-11-02 08:21:56 PM

Indubitably: Mark Ratner: Businessinal is a word? :-/

Nope.

I just made it up, somewhat poetically, I might add...


I think it should be a word if it's any consolation. :-)
 
2012-11-02 08:26:59 PM
So, I'm guessing his girlfriend has some free time on her hands now.
 
2012-11-02 08:41:17 PM

Mark Ratner: Indubitably: Mark Ratner: Businessinal is a word? :-/

Nope.

I just made it up, somewhat poetically, I might add...

I think it should be a word if it's any consolation. :-)


Consolation?

WTF?

Celebration, friend.

*smarty-pants-dance in effect*

*)
 
2012-11-02 09:22:52 PM
Prison nicknames are usually acquired pretty early and eventually won't mean shiat. The baddest dude on the entire compound might have a stupid nickname.
 
2012-11-02 09:24:36 PM
I advocate tossing the lot of long-term criminals into a big, happy animal enclosure, and keeping them group fed and watered. Any malcontents and zzzt taser or tranquilizer dart. Corral 'em into a shelter in cold weather with German shepherds.
 
2012-11-02 09:24:52 PM

The One True TheDavid: Rape behind bars just ain't funny.


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-11-02 09:26:22 PM

Skywolf Philosopher: I advocate tossing the lot of long-term criminals into a big, happy animal enclosure, and keeping them group fed and watered. Any malcontents and zzzt taser or tranquilizer dart. Corral 'em into a shelter in cold weather with German shepherds.


www.lonelyplanet.com
 
2012-11-02 09:42:24 PM

doglover: Skywolf Philosopher: I advocate tossing the lot of long-term criminals into a big, happy animal enclosure, and keeping them group fed and watered. Any malcontents and zzzt taser or tranquilizer dart. Corral 'em into a shelter in cold weather with German shepherds.

[www.lonelyplanet.com image 466x350]


But to do that one would need a riftworm.
 
2012-11-02 09:49:13 PM
Came here for porridge; leaving hungry.
 
2012-11-02 10:02:09 PM

The One True TheDavid: Rape behind bars just ain't funny. Stop joking about it and start doing something about it: push your state lawmakers to address the subject. At least punish guards who allow and encourage it.

Don't be so sure it'll never happen to you. Do you ever, say, possess marijuana?


THIS!!!!
 
2012-11-02 10:06:04 PM
ooops. humblest apologies, folks. i just agreed with the one the true before i read the whole post and realized he made a mini meme. sorry.

sorry
 
2012-11-02 11:09:16 PM
Ah yes, once again my hometown graces the front page of Fark.

And people wonder why I refer to it as crAkron.

CSB- the maintenance guys would bring me the pc's they found when cleaning out apartments where his girlfriend lives. Those people who left their pc's were into some sick shiate.
 
2012-11-02 11:15:11 PM
static.themetapicture.com
 
2012-11-03 01:28:47 AM
Breaking and entering, porridge theft and trespassing in another's bed are pretty hardcore crimes you know.

Brutal stuff, indeed.
 
2012-11-03 02:08:46 PM

Lord Zardoz: Fark has been around for a long time. There have got to be some guys on Fark who were in prison at some point.

Any Farkers here have any CSB's to share? How many Farkers are using their prison nicknames as their Fark ID?

END COMMUNICATION


I've never been to prison, but the last time I was in jail, we had a guy named "Bomb Threat" in our pod. Take a guess at what he did... Yep, he got on that ol' Wal-Mart intercom and incited a riot by telling everyone that bombs were going to go off in the store in 5 minutes. We all thought it was hilarious. That authorities, not so much.
 
2012-11-03 09:31:47 PM
i have zero clue what I would be called in prison..

not sure I really want to know.
 
2012-11-03 10:38:38 PM
Headline FAIL.
Subby needs to spend a little more time in REALITY.
He wouldn't go to prison for a mere BnE.
.
 
2012-11-04 08:21:57 AM

2 Replies: Headline FAIL.
Subby needs to spend a little more time in REALITY.
He wouldn't go to prison for a mere BnE.


B&E of an occupied dwelling. He fought police and had to be tased when police woke him up. Prison is conceivable, depending on his record.
 
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