If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(WTOP)   Doctors discover that the best way to get men to come in for yearly checkups is to let them pretend that they're cars   (wtop.com) divider line 50
    More: Stupid, warm-up  
•       •       •

4919 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Nov 2012 at 9:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-11-02 09:55:39 AM
Is that why my doctor "checks my oil" and gives me a "lube job"?
 
2012-11-02 09:56:37 AM
only if he puts me on a lift
 
2012-11-02 09:56:54 AM
Wait I'm not getting a tablet? My doctor said I need a digital exam.
 
2012-11-02 09:57:10 AM
The transmission level check will be a doozy
 
SGF
2012-11-02 09:57:21 AM
Hands off my dipstick please
 
2012-11-02 09:58:29 AM
Psh. My husband doesn't take the damn car in for oil changes either.

(grumble piss moan)
 
2012-11-02 10:00:03 AM
Wait...so when he said they needed to check my rear differential....
 
2012-11-02 10:04:18 AM
Makes sense.

Your body is a complicated tool that you need to maintain to be able to accomplish all the things that you want to do.

Instead of thinking you can take whatever life throws at you and are tough enough to not need doctors, change your perspective to managing your sophisticated equipment to remain fully capable.
 
2012-11-02 10:06:27 AM
Check up or check out.
 
2012-11-02 10:06:53 AM

HailRobonia: Is that why my doctor "checks my oil" and gives me a "lube job"?


t0.gstatic.com
 
2012-11-02 10:07:04 AM
Wait does this mean I can have a race car bed?
 
2012-11-02 10:07:32 AM
A much simpler way would be to have hot nurses showing cleavage there to check your prostate for ya...
 
2012-11-02 10:08:49 AM

Tom_Slick: Wait does this mean I can have a race car bed?


Ask your roommates. Maybe they'll get you one.
 
2012-11-02 10:09:18 AM
I'm approaching 40 and am terrified of having to start going to regular check-ups. There's also this whole thing about not liking fingers in my butt.

Meh, everyone gets older. It'll happen to you, too.
 
2012-11-02 10:09:19 AM
Does that mean I can park my car in the receptionist's garage?
 
2012-11-02 10:10:33 AM
www.moviefancentral.com

You using the whole dipstick, Doc?
 
2012-11-02 10:11:37 AM
I've been ignoring a clunk in my front end on my truck, so this wouldn't be effective way to get me to go to the doctor for my own body.
 
2012-11-02 10:12:10 AM
I think my exhaust manifold has a leaky donut.
 
2012-11-02 10:12:58 AM

dickfreckle: I'm approaching 40 and am terrified of having to start going to regular check-ups. There's also this whole thing about not liking fingers in my butt.

Meh, everyone gets older. It'll happen to you, too.


Turned 40 last year, promised the wife I'd go for a baseline physical. Height, weight, bp, heart rate, talking to, bloodwork. Didn't even have to take off my shoes.

Looking back on it, I'm somewhat disappointed since I told them it had been 20+ years since I had a full physical.... I was expecting all sorts of tests.
 
2012-11-02 10:15:48 AM

MoronLessOff: HailRobonia: Is that why my doctor "checks my oil" and gives me a "lube job"?

[t0.gstatic.com image 225x224]


I get the feeling my hose might be about to blow out.
 
2012-11-02 10:16:13 AM
The way I look at it is, you have a choice. Go to the doctor once a year, have a full exam, find anything wrong early enough to treat. Or, do what most men do, don't go to the doctor until you have symptoms, now it's too late, six months later you're dead. Happened to my brother-in-law. He ignored his symptoms, put off tests twice, diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer in February, despite surgery he died in December. Such a waste, he should still be alive.
 
2012-11-02 10:17:54 AM
no coffee and donuts while you wait?
 
2012-11-02 10:18:08 AM

dickfreckle: I'm approaching 40 and am terrified of having to start going to regular check-ups. There's also this whole thing about not liking fingers in my butt.

Meh, everyone gets older. It'll happen to you, too.


I always tried to stay away from physicians unless absolutely necessary. Finally, after I reached 40, decided I should really have a physical. But I have big-time "white-coat hypertension." Yes, I am a huge wuss. I measure my BP at home, it's fine. They try it, and my BP and pulse are just through the roof. "What's up with that," the physician asks, all incredulously. "What did you think we were going to do to you today?" she asks, like I'm some little kid. "Well, frankly I was afraid you'd condescend to me and then jab your hand up my butt," I replied, "and so far, we're half-way there." She didn't think that was funny. Not funny at all.

On the plus side, she said happy-fun prostate pushing time could wait until I'm 45. I've had an exit-only policy for that orifice for that past 41 years, and really don't see any reason to change now. And yes, I chose a chick physician so at least the ball fondling and ass play would seem less gay. Turns out it doesn't help. :(
 
2012-11-02 10:20:20 AM

Prank Call of Cthulhu: "Well, frankly I was afraid you'd condescend to me and then jab your hand up my butt," I replied, "and so far, we're half-way there." She didn't think that was funny. Not funny at all.


May I recommend my doctor? He'd think that was hilarious. :)

Last time I was in, he was telling me about some guy who got caught surfing gay porn sites for hours at a nursing home (on the shared, open network, which was the issue), and an old co-worker of his with a dirty name.
 
2012-11-02 10:24:08 AM
Stupid. Good call Subby. Meanwhile there is able evidence showing that check-ups and annual physical exams are a complete wasted of time and money. Only rarely do they reveal anything of value.
 
2012-11-02 10:24:22 AM
I pity the doctor that has to test that the emissions gases fall within specified limits for certain toxic elements.
 
2012-11-02 10:24:37 AM

Aidan: May I recommend my doctor? He'd think that was hilarious.


No, you may not. There's no way in hell I'm letting a dude stick his hand up my ass and turn me into a meat muppet. It's a slippery slope. You let one guy "putt from the rough" like that, and the next thing you know, you're singing showtunes, flying the rainbow flag, mooning over Judy Garland, and pronouncing "fabulous" with an overemphasis on the first syllable.

/I keed, I keed.
 
2012-11-02 10:25:48 AM
I don't really understand the huge fear of "finger in the butt". Guys act like it's the most painful thing or something, but you've shiat out turds that are way bigger than a finger.
 
2012-11-02 10:26:04 AM
I'm 50. I eat well, get plenty of exercise and take good care of my teeth. I go to the Doctor when I need one. I'm not interested in what I might have or spending the last years of my life dependent on pills, devices and constant nursing care.
 
2012-11-02 10:27:31 AM

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Aidan: May I recommend my doctor? He'd think that was hilarious.

No, you may not. There's no way in hell I'm letting a dude stick his hand up my ass and turn me into a meat muppet. It's a slippery slope. You let one guy "putt from the rough" like that, and the next thing you know, you're singing showtunes, flying the rainbow flag, mooning over Judy Garland, and pronouncing "fabulous" with an overemphasis on the first syllable.

/I keed, I keed.


Nah I hear ya. My OBGYN is a woman.
 
2012-11-02 10:28:27 AM

HailRobonia: I don't really understand the huge fear of "finger in the butt". Guys act like it's the most painful thing or something, but you've shiat out turds that are way bigger than a finger.


Hey, man, I can easily drive an SUV the wrong-way down the one-way street a few blocks over from me. It can accomodate way larger trucks. Doesn't mean it's anything I want to do.
 
2012-11-02 10:30:36 AM
Something must be done about the DRE before the flower of the world's manhood is DOA.

/Suck it, menfolk. You get a warmed-up and lubricated digit, women get a cold speculum.
//So nothing new on either side.
 
2012-11-02 10:33:30 AM

JackieRabbit: Stupid. Good call Subby. Meanwhile there is able evidence showing that check-ups and annual physical exams are a complete wasted of time and money. Only rarely do they reveal anything of value.


I work at an employee-owned professional business.
We pay for a reasonably-thorough annual physical (including things like measuring internal organs using ultrasound, and comparing year-to-year). They caught very early-stage cancers in two employees, both in their 30's. Caught before any physical symptoms, and both were successfully treated.
It was strange enough that we paid to have our office air & walls tested to make sure it wasn't something environmental.

So yes, most of the time annual physicals don't reveal anything. But that's probably because most of the time there isn't anything to reveal.
Based on my experience, I'm going to continue my annual physicals.
But you can feel free to be blissfully ignorant should there be something easily treatable now, but fatal by the time you show symptoms. Hope you at least have a decent life insurance policy to look after your loved ones.
 
2012-11-02 10:38:08 AM

There's Always A Bloody Ghost: The way I look at it is, you have a choice. Go to the doctor once a year, have a full exam, find anything wrong early enough to treat. Or, do what most men do, don't go to the doctor until you have symptoms, now it's too late, six months later you're dead. Happened to my brother-in-law. He ignored his symptoms, put off tests twice, diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer in February, despite surgery he died in December. Such a waste, he should still be alive.


as someone fast approaching 40 & HATES going to the dr. - i'm not really getting a kick

/but i do plan on going more often & not just when something is wrong
//always like to learn from others - sorry to hear bout your brother
 
2012-11-02 10:40:13 AM
It's not that dumb. The problem with the idea of a "checkup" is that it implies you're looking for something wrong. The idea of a "tuneup" is that you're going to make things work better. Sometimes semantics matters, as anyone in marketing knows.

People often underestimate the psychological reaction to terminology. For example, there are so many people against "sex ed" because (I suspect) they think it encourages kids to have sex, yet if it was called "pregnancy and std prevention class" it would be hard to argue against it.

Anyway, getting "tuned up" sounds a lot better than "hoping they don't find something".
 
2012-11-02 10:44:06 AM

windowseat: I'm 50. I eat well, get plenty of exercise and take good care of my teeth. I go to the Doctor when I need one. I'm not interested in what I might have or spending the last years of my life dependent on pills, devices and constant nursing care.


^^THIS. And at our age, they will want a barrage of "baseline" tests (that need to be repeated every year or so) and will turn even the trivial, normal problems of late middle age into chronic problems that require regular medical intervention. It wasn't always this way, but it sure is now. Medicine is a business these days. The goal of that business is to separate ones insurance company from as much money as possible.

Best exchange between and old curmudgeon and a young doc I ever hear:

Doc: Bill, you simply must come in more often, so I can check you out!
Bill: Why?
Doc: Because you are getting old!
Bill: Getting? Hell, man, I am old.
Doc: All the more reason. I need to be able to catch things before they become problems
Bill: Once you catch them, can you stop them?
Doc: Sometimes and often we can control things we can't stop?
Bill: (laughs) right.
Doc: Damn it, Bill, if you don't start taking better care of yourself, you are going to die!
Bill: I'm gonna die anyway.

/55
 
2012-11-02 10:46:13 AM

Arcanum: Makes sense.

Your body is a complicated tool that you need to maintain to be able to accomplish all the things that you want to do.

Instead of thinking you can take whatever life throws at you and are tough enough to not need doctors, change your perspective to managing your sophisticated equipment to remain fully capable.


This should be said twice. Take care of that machine, be it a Fiat or Ferrari.
 
2012-11-02 10:48:42 AM
"I'm having a little trouble with my shifter doc, it doesn't seem to go into drive."
 
2012-11-02 10:55:53 AM
If a "tune-up" actually tuned me up- as in, got rid of those zits on my ass, the cold sore inside my lip, the recurrent pain in my left ankle, and my allergies, we'd be on to something.

The mechanic never tells me to "come back in a month to see if the condition has changed."

A doctor's visit isn't a "tune up". It's a "safety and emissions" inspection.

/works in a doc's office
 
2012-11-02 10:55:58 AM
My Dad is in for bladder cancer. A tough guy, didn't need those damn checkups.

Get the damn checkups. Finger up the butt only stings for a moment. Your call on pushing back.
 
2012-11-02 11:02:38 AM
Once you start going to the doctor, the cycle never ends.

The bastard will keep finding reasons for you to come back.

Screw that. I'd rather die at 55.
 
2012-11-02 11:14:03 AM

GoldDude: JackieRabbit: Stupid. Good call Subby. Meanwhile there is able evidence showing that check-ups and annual physical exams are a complete wasted of time and money. Only rarely do they reveal anything of value.

I work at an employee-owned professional business.
We pay for a reasonably-thorough annual physical (including things like measuring internal organs using ultrasound, and comparing year-to-year). They caught very early-stage cancers in two employees, both in their 30's. Caught before any physical symptoms, and both were successfully treated.
It was strange enough that we paid to have our office air & walls tested to make sure it wasn't something environmental.

So yes, most of the time annual physicals don't reveal anything. But that's probably because most of the time there isn't anything to reveal.
Based on my experience, I'm going to continue my annual physicals.
But you can feel free to be blissfully ignorant should there be something easily treatable now, but fatal by the time you show symptoms. Hope you at least have a decent life insurance policy to look after your loved ones.


I second this, with a cherry on top.

We've got cadillac care because our owner isn't a cheap dickbag (although yes, it IS really farking expensive for him). I went into the doctor about a food allergy. He said "Did you notice you have a lump in your neck?". It was cancerous. I had surgery. Now I'm all better. Total cost? $50. HolyCrapIHadCancerNowIDon't? Infinite.

Checkups sometimes don't catch things. And sometimes they do. That's the whole point, ya know?
 
2012-11-02 11:38:18 AM
We are all gonna die, no need to worry about it.

Get the shiat done you want to get done while you are still alive. So what if early detection or whatever gives you another 10 years if you just waste that time doing the same stupid shiat you always did? Oh no if I die sooner I'll miss the next sports season or whatever.

I'll be annoyed if I kick it before true vr games become available but no big deal. The technological advancement in my lifetime has gone from 2 bit pong to hundreds of thousands of simultaneous polys is already truly amazing. I carry a computer in my pocket that was unimagined by the science fiction from when I was growing up. I'm not doing anything so important that my name will be remembered even 10 years after I'm gone.

Just live so that when your time comes you can honestly say your last words will be "I've had a good life."
 
2012-11-02 03:05:47 PM
I come from a whole family of medical professionals. Get your checkups. Don't be embarrassed. It is their job. They get as much thrill from checking your groin/prostate as you get from filling out spreadsheets. Trust me, they forget about you as soon as you leave the office. Your wiener/bunghole is nothing special and they don't talk about it at cocktail parties. Once again, get your checkups. It is way cheaper and easier to treat you in the beginning stages of anything bad. They aren't ordering those tests to make money. They really do want you to live a long, happy and productive life. Get your checkups.

By the way, if you ever have to make a choice between partying with a rockstar or partying with a bunch of medical people, choose the latter. Especially the females. Something about the medical profession that makes them hardcore fun to hang out with. Not embarrassed by anything I guess. And they all curse like sailors.Even the pretty ones.
 
2012-11-02 03:22:51 PM
www.beawesomeinstead.com
Well, spleen's shot to hell. I'm gonna have to remove it. While I'm in there, I might as well get that gallbladder, too. I mean, you could leave it in there, but, uh, you're just gon' be back in a couple months. To be honest with you, I ain't too great with those jap-o-nese models.
 
2012-11-02 03:22:51 PM

JackieRabbit: Stupid. Good call Subby. Meanwhile there is able evidence showing that check-ups and annual physical exams are a complete wasted of time and money. Only rarely do they reveal anything of value.


Not sure if you're trolling. Two years ago my checkup showed my blood sugar levels were higher then previous years. Doctor told me to stop cut back on Regular Cokes, candy and beer (Sad face) This year everything was back to normal. Diabetes runs sporadically in my family even though none of us are fat. That test possibly saved me from having to take insulin shots for the rest of my life if my pancreas would have been damaged. So yes, they do find things. And don't even get me started on having your colonoscopy after 50. Go talk to any colorecatal surgeon about what happens when you get colon cancer. It aint pretty. And it is pretty much totally preventable if caught in time..
 
2012-11-02 05:34:53 PM
So, in other words, I'll be blowing them off like I do my routine vehicular maintenance?

Perfect!
 
2012-11-02 06:32:19 PM
Didn't I read an article here a while back saying they had come up with a non-invasive alternative to Mr. Finger?
 
2012-11-02 06:35:51 PM

beachboy: Doctor told me to stop cut back on Regular Cokes, candy and beer (Sad face)


I stopped drinking soda one year ago. The first few months were hard and about six months in I broke down and snapped open a Pepsi, and it was disgusting. Haven't had one since. Go a year without it and you won't want it anymore, just the though of drinking sugary chemical laced water is gross. It's also surprising how much weight you'll lose just making that one change. I only drink water now, can't get enough.

Now chocolate on the other hand...probably not going to happen. Cold dead fingers and all that.
 
2012-11-03 09:55:48 AM

Hand Banana: Didn't I read an article here a while back saying they had come up with a non-invasive alternative to Mr. Finger?


Where's the fun in that?
 
Displayed 50 of 50 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report