If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(9 News)   Can good sex save our nation? This church says yes   (9news.com) divider line 56
    More: Interesting, good sex, Arvada  
•       •       •

6068 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Nov 2012 at 12:04 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



56 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-11-01 11:20:37 AM
I've always told my wife that sex is always the answer
 
2012-11-01 11:43:09 AM
"God values sex. He created it,"

Yeah well He also created herpes, so it's kind of a mixed bag.
 
2012-11-01 12:07:06 PM
This is Obama's Ruth Carter-Stapleton!
 
2012-11-01 12:07:17 PM
it sure as hell couldn't hurt

/unless you want it to
 
2012-11-01 12:07:58 PM
Is tithing down? Sex sells!
 
2012-11-01 12:08:20 PM
'Good sex' is not heterosexual-only missionary sex with the exclusion of all other positions and sex acts and only for the purpose of procreation.
 
2012-11-01 12:08:28 PM
unless you're teh ghey, right?
 
2012-11-01 12:08:33 PM
Like a good patriot, I'm willing to do my part. Who's with me, ladies? Ladies? Hello?
 
2012-11-01 12:08:43 PM
Good, Bad, I'll take whatever kind of sex I can get.
 
2012-11-01 12:10:36 PM
On the other hand there are some things you would sell your SOUL to the DEVIL for.
www.maniacworld.com
www.mauibeachtanning.net
 
2012-11-01 12:10:38 PM
Pastor Rick Long 

Richard Long says God wants us to have sex. Can't argue with that.
 
2012-11-01 12:11:57 PM
Yes, but he also created women, which pretty much just makes him a farker.
 
2012-11-01 12:13:51 PM

stuffy: Good, Bad, I'll take whatever kind of sex I can get.


This. I'm not sure what this "bad sex" they speak of consists of.
 
2012-11-01 12:14:21 PM

fruitloop: Pastor Rick Long 

Richard Long says God wants us to have sex. Can't argue with that.


Rick is short for Richard?

Not sure that ever occurred to me.
 
2012-11-01 12:19:08 PM

Agent Smiths Laugh: fruitloop: Pastor Rick Long 

Richard Long says God wants us to have sex. Can't argue with that.

Rick is short for Richard?

Not sure that ever occurred to me.


You're kidding right. It's never occurred to you that Rick is short for Richard? I can see how someone wouldn't know Jack is "short" for John (had several people tell me they didn't know that) but Rick and Richard? You must be kidding. Dick and Richard is way more believable as an unknown quantity. I'm sure his choice of shortening Richard had nothing to do with Dick Long jokes.
 
2012-11-01 12:19:20 PM

TXEric: stuffy: Good, Bad, I'll take whatever kind of sex I can get.

This. I'm not sure what this "bad sex" they speak of consists of.


Ask your former partners
 
2012-11-01 12:19:40 PM
King Missile said it better.

"Look. I'd be the first to admit that I don't have an ounce of common sense, but I think people should be farking in the streets. Assfarking. Especially women farking men in the ass with dildos. What this country needs is a lot more sodomy... And we must fark for God. We must offer our coonts and our cocks to Allah, to Buddha or Krishna or whomever. We must make our sexual offerings as sacraments to the earth mother, the universal spirit, the grand unifying force. And that spirit will get us through these crises." (From 'Suggested Response to Coming Crises.')
 
2012-11-01 12:22:19 PM

Bruxellensis: unless you're teh ghey, right?


Masturbation is only ghey if you look in the mirror.
 
2012-11-01 12:22:35 PM

electronsexparty: King Missile said it better.

"Look. I'd be the first to admit that I don't have an ounce of common sense, but I think people should be farking in the streets. Assfarking. Especially women farking men in the ass with dildos. What this country needs is a lot more sodomy... And we must fark for God. We must offer our coonts and our cocks to Allah, to Buddha or Krishna or whomever. We must make our sexual offerings as sacraments to the earth mother, the universal spirit, the grand unifying force. And that spirit will get us through these crises." (From 'Suggested Response to Coming Crises.')


Oh, how I wish I could post that to Facebook, but I'll have some coffee and sober up before trolling for lulz.
 
2012-11-01 12:23:12 PM
Time for another Bible lesson, this time from 1 Corinthians:

3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

So not only should you take care of your mate in the sack, even withholding sex (with the one exception) is a bad thing. Who says Christians have to be prudish? There's nothing wrong with sex, as long as it's within the confines of a marriage.
 
2012-11-01 12:24:18 PM

brandent: Agent Smiths Laugh: fruitloop: Pastor Rick Long 

Richard Long says God wants us to have sex. Can't argue with that.

Rick is short for Richard?

Not sure that ever occurred to me.

You're kidding right. It's never occurred to you that Rick is short for Richard? I can see how someone wouldn't know Jack is "short" for John (had several people tell me they didn't know that) but Rick and Richard? You must be kidding. Dick and Richard is way more believable as an unknown quantity. I'm sure his choice of shortening Richard had nothing to do with Dick Long jokes.


He would only shorten it to 'Rick' if he couldn't live up to his original name. tee hee.
 
2012-11-01 12:24:47 PM
The church loves sex.
 
2012-11-01 12:24:48 PM
BONERS FOR AMERICA


Have your privates stand up and salute our great nation!
 
2012-11-01 12:27:34 PM
firstrung.co.uk
Anybody else read the headline in "her" voice?
 
2012-11-01 12:27:44 PM
Good sex helps build strong marriages.
Strong marriages can lead to strong families.
Strong families create strong societies.
Strong societies have less of a use for religious institutions.
Therefore, good sex is bad!
 
2012-11-01 12:28:33 PM
The Tree of Liberty needs to be watered from time to time with the blood spooge of patriots.
 
2012-11-01 12:29:46 PM

Hershey Highway Patrol: The Tree of Liberty needs to be watered from time to time with the blood spooge of patriots.


//swing and a miss....
 
2012-11-01 12:30:04 PM
FTFA: Pastor Rick Long with Grace Church of Arvada says the message is a crucial one.

"God values sex. He created it," Long said. "I think sex needs to be talked about in church probably more so than anywhere else."

"When we take it out of the emotional, intimate connection that we designed it for, then we start playing with it like it's a toy, and people get hurt. You cannot separate the emotions from a sexual relationship," Long explained.


Oh for fark's sake, you're not fooling anyone. Two important things to remember:

1.) Just because a church claims that "sex is good" doesn't mean that their views on sexuality aren't regressive, shame-based, or harmful. I read their tagline as saying "Good sex can save our nation, [and by "good sex," we mean sex only between married, heterosexual Christian couples, in the missionary position, with the lights off. Anything else is an abomination that will send your soul to hell. Also, you're a slut.]

Saying that only married sex is good makes you sex-positive like advocating burqas makes you pro-woman, (since you're just so concerned about their purity, you see.)

2.) This billboard is the organizational equivalent of "Look at me, I'm an attention whore!"
 
2012-11-01 12:30:23 PM

TXEric: stuffy: Good, Bad, I'll take whatever kind of sex I can get.

This. I'm not sure what this "bad sex" they speak of consists of.


Sex is like pizza: you can't expect good quality when you buy it from a man in a mouse costume next to a ball pit.

/stolen from I forget where
 
2012-11-01 12:31:42 PM
You know, the guys who say the worst they ever had was still pretty good just self-identified as not having been around very much.

Ladies, I'm sure you've got more laments to tell than we do about the Not Good. Probably a lot more.

So, let's all practice practice practice. Because freshly and competently, thoroughly banged = a happy citizen. Happy citizens make for a happy nation. A happy nation is what I always thought America was.

So ... sex it is. Go forth and make a happy nation my fellow farkers!
 
2012-11-01 12:32:42 PM
Sure as long as its lights out under the covers through a sheet with a hole in it for procreation only and you cant enjoy it or you go to hell!!! HELL!!!!! HELL!
 
2012-11-01 12:35:32 PM
 
2012-11-01 12:36:28 PM
BTW, that link has NSFW language
 
2012-11-01 12:38:01 PM
"We have a 10-year-old girl who's gone. Sexual assault charges were filed as well. That made us even sicker and more mortified," Long said.

Go on...
 
2012-11-01 12:38:03 PM

endmile: TXEric: stuffy: Good, Bad, I'll take whatever kind of sex I can get.

This. I'm not sure what this "bad sex" they speak of consists of.

Ask your former partners


What do you expect socks to say?
 
2012-11-01 12:48:18 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I've always told my wife that sex is always the answer


Sex isn't the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. - Bob Crane
 
2012-11-01 12:49:03 PM

endmile: TXEric: stuffy: Good, Bad, I'll take whatever kind of sex I can get.

This. I'm not sure what this "bad sex" they speak of consists of.

Ask your former partners


Bah... they are all pathological liars!
 
2012-11-01 12:49:13 PM
I've been reading 50 Shades of Gray so I'm ready for this challenge.
 
2012-11-01 12:49:23 PM
Those aren't rosary beads!
 
2012-11-01 12:50:44 PM

groppet: Sure as long as its lights out under the covers through a sheet with a hole in it for procreation only and you cant enjoy it or you go to hell!!! HELL!!!!! HELL!


What the hell is your problem, you sicko? You're not supposed to speak of such filth in public!
 
2012-11-01 12:52:10 PM
blogs.villagevoice.com

marriage is hard. keep your man happy.
 
2012-11-01 12:54:28 PM
Bad sex can't hurt either.....


And god (which god again?) created sex yet his bastard son was born from a virgin? I smell some irony there.

Now excuse me while I go bang my wife:

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-11-01 12:55:01 PM
How to use sex to save the nation

zs1.smbc-comics.com
 
2012-11-01 01:13:56 PM
Wow. I only half glanced at the headline, and my brain interpreted it as "Can a good sex slave save our nation?" Now THAT'S something to talk about during Sunday service...
 
2012-11-01 01:14:32 PM
Cythraul:
'Good sex' is not heterosexual-only missionary sex with the exclusion of all other positions and sex acts and only for the purpose of procreation.

That's always my suspicion about these stories. And while these days, even many Evangelicals might not care which position a husband and his (properly supportive-submissive) wife have intercourse in, it's damn sure that they DON'T mean "sex, including between loving unmarried people, gays, or just some trusted friends, will save our nation".

Once they start warning against "playing with sex like it's a toy"... you know what they're really on about. Kudos for trying to strengthen marriages, perhaps, but once again with the moral exclusivity and the judging. Sheesh.
 
2012-11-01 01:29:19 PM

brandent: Agent Smiths Laugh: fruitloop: Pastor Rick Long 

Richard Long says God wants us to have sex. Can't argue with that.

Rick is short for Richard?

Not sure that ever occurred to me.

You're kidding right. It's never occurred to you that Rick is short for Richard? I can see how someone wouldn't know Jack is "short" for John (had several people tell me they didn't know that) but Rick and Richard? You must be kidding. Dick and Richard is way more believable as an unknown quantity. I'm sure his choice of shortening Richard had nothing to do with Dick Long jokes.


He obviously thought it was short for Roderick.
 
2012-11-01 01:47:15 PM

Drunken_Polar_Bear: Wow. I only half glanced at the headline, and my brain interpreted it as "Can a good sex slave save our nation?" Now THAT'S something to talk about during Sunday service...


Lol! You think like my husband...
 
2012-11-01 01:51:08 PM

TXEric: stuffy: Good, Bad, I'll take whatever kind of sex I can get.

This. I'm not sure what this "bad sex" they speak of consists of.


Sex is like oxygen. It is only important in a relationship if you're not getting any. To extend the analogy further even the most tainted air is a marvel when one is choking. But under normal circumstances, an unpleasant stench in the kitchen is just as unwelcome as poor performance, selfish disregard of your mate's needs or dressing up like the Dovahkiin armed with a rubber chicken and an extra large tub of icy/hot lube when all she wanted was straight up missionary and a solid orgasm is in the bedroom.
 
2012-11-01 02:32:14 PM

Drunken_Polar_Bear: Wow. I only half glanced at the headline, and my brain interpreted it as "Can a good sex slave save our nation?" Now THAT'S something to talk about during Sunday service...


A little English Standard:

Then his master shall bring him to God, and he shall bring him to the door or the doorpost. And his master shall bore his ear through with an awl, and he shall be his slave forever.
Exodus 21:6
 
2012-11-01 02:52:40 PM
Yes of course: when I think of good sex, I think of a large room where everyone is at least 60.

But if that's where you want to score, there's a church in NYC (Fifth Avenue Presbyterian [fap.org]) whose pastor is Scott Black Johnson; better luck there? The Kardashians went there, at least, so maybe I'm wrong about the over-60 thing.
 
Displayed 50 of 56 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report