Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(ESPN)   ESPN's Week 9 NFL Power Rankings: Falcons maintain grip on top spot, while New York treads water in second and Indy surges into the top 15   (espn.go.com) divider line 230
    More: Cool, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, away games, Albert Haynesworth, rankings, Kevin Kolb, Jags, Mike Shanahan, Matt Hasselbeck  
•       •       •

4209 clicks; posted to Sports » on 30 Oct 2012 at 3:02 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



230 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-10-30 05:29:13 PM  

Wadded Beef: Broncos need to be ahead of the Ravens, but otherwise an okay list.


They play on December 16th. Give it time. ^_^
 
2012-10-30 05:33:38 PM  

roc6783: Not to offend any other Farkers, but I am amused by the Jaguars' dead cat bounce.


Our love for our bun-bun will last forever, but...... dead cat bounce. Yeah. *snicker*


eddievercetti: And where's the Jake so I can see Di watch her boytoy win the honor of failure...again.


SHUT UP, EDDIE
 
2012-10-30 05:34:35 PM  

Di Atribe: KingKauff: or something like that. we used the "practice" bit all the time. that was much easier:

him: you get those reports produced and bound?
me: production? Man, we talkin' 'bout PRODUCTION!

I think that's one of the reasons I love that one so much. It's easy to wedge into a conversation unexpectedly.

"I'm a man, I'm 40" is a close second (especially since I'm neither of those things).


Had to look this one up, but I love This ain't intramurals, brother!
 
2012-10-30 05:35:42 PM  

IAmRight: //and most people thought 4-4 at this point would be amazing at the beginning of the season


I don't think that's a bad start at all given the schedule. Of course I'd have had it unfolding in an entirely different way. If you'd have told me they'd be 4-4 right now I'd have bet my left nut they did not beat Green bay or New England and they beat them both.
 
2012-10-30 05:35:55 PM  

Di Atribe: eddievercetti: And where's the Jake so I can see Di watch her boytoy win the honor of failure...again.

SHUT UP, EDDIE


You know I wuv ya.
 
2012-10-30 05:37:43 PM  

Di Atribe: KingKauff: or something like that. we used the "practice" bit all the time. that was much easier:

him: you get those reports produced and bound?
me: production? Man, we talkin' 'bout PRODUCTION!

I think that's one of the reasons I love that one so much. It's easy to wedge into a conversation unexpectedly.

"I'm a man, I'm 40" is a close second (especially since I'm neither of those things).


One of my favorite things to come out of the Mike Gundy rant is on the Jim Rome show. (Yes, I know. I'll stop liking things you don't like eventually.)

It's subtle, but anytime someone says the word "fat", you hear a clip of Gundy saying "FAT!" a half-second later in the background. Same with Hulk Hogan and "brother".
 
2012-10-30 05:38:15 PM  
10:1 the seahawks pick up TO this week
 
2012-10-30 05:39:08 PM  

fireside68: Treygreen13: Jubeebee: Treygreen13: Word is that a major hollywood studio is picking up the rights to that last Cowboys game, calling it the best drama they've seen since Citizen Kane. A preliminary script is out.
[snip]
TONY ROMO later hangs himself in the bathroom.


Sweet merciful Jesus. 

You win, Trey. You win everything.

I figured that would be more entertaining than spending my whole day writing out pre-emptive Tony Romo apologist arguments.

At this rate, you may as well go for mini-series.

I'd try that with my team, but sans coach and rocking a lovely seven-game sieve streak, it ain't selling.


There aren't many teams with the collection of personalities from top to bottom like the Cowboys that can make something like that work. Maybe the Raiders during Zombie Al's tenure, but to really do it justice you'd need a Raiders fan to write it, and we all know Raiders fans can't write.

I would be doubly pleased if this somehow became an ongoing narrative about the Cowboys season though.
 
2012-10-30 05:43:01 PM  

roc6783: Had to look this one up, but I love This ain't intramurals, brother!



i heard i think last week some college coach had a fark bomb tirade (whyoming or south dakota or some shiat) but I haven't heard it.

"intramurals" is really good though.

Hockey has some good ones. when i was a jim rome fan he'd play quite afew. there was one of some coach criticnzing players who whine about getting touched and not being able to get their goals, and he goes, "we got a bunch of whiny ffffffffff -- babies that cry about not being able to get their goals...."

he is so close to "whiny farking babies" but he gets stuck on that "f" sound. hilarious.
 
2012-10-30 05:45:12 PM  

Treygreen13: 3. Lowest Sack Total - Jacksonville Jaguars (6)


That's amazing, since they even got to play the Bears.

/looks at box score; sees half of season sacks came against CHI.
//FFFUUUUUUUUU
 
2012-10-30 05:46:54 PM  

Captain Steroid: Wadded Beef: Broncos need to be ahead of the Ravens, but otherwise an okay list.

They play on December 16th. Give it time. ^_^


Right on. A few weeks back I was chalking it up as a road loss but after Baltimore's injuries and Flacco coming down to earth...I'm optimistic about PFM and the Orange Crush.
 
2012-10-30 05:48:42 PM  

Gonz: Di Atribe: KingKauff: ***snip***
One of my favorite things to come out of the Mike Gundy rant is on the Jim Rome show. (Yes, I know. I'll stop liking things you don't like eventually.)

It's subtle, but anytime someone says the word "fat", you hear a clip of Gundy saying "FAT!" a half-second later in the background. Same with Hulk Hogan and "brother".


Not a rant exactly, but definitely the best moment in the history of the Jim Rome show - Chris.
 
2012-10-30 05:51:02 PM  
WHAR JAKE WHAR?

/Just wanted to be the first idiot to post it
 
2012-10-30 05:56:28 PM  

roc6783: Not a rant exactly, but definitely the best moment in the history of the Jim Rome show - Chris.


ESPN Classic used to air (hell, they still might) old "rome on espn" shows from about the time of the Jim Evberett incident. I saw one with Rick Barry, circa probably 94, 95, and Rome starts the interview by taking pokes at the BIll Cosby sweater Barry is wearing, and Rick, taken aback, makes a quip like, "i didn't know I had to dress 'mod' on your show" and then Rome starts teasing about using the word 'mod'.

very dicky. but hey, that's rome.
 
2012-10-30 05:59:46 PM  

IAmRight: We only lost two positions? Dammit, I was kinda hoping to be dropped further in order to cement us as roller-coaster team of the year.

Wilson continues to improve and the main problem with the team is that, while we're the best in the league at forcing third-and-long, we're the sh*ttiest at defending third-and-long. I actually root for opposing teams to gain yardage on first and second downs because we're better at stopping them if they're at 3rd and 2 than we are if they're at 3rd and 10 (or at least it feels that way).


I heard that on the radio this morning. And while I found it hard to believe, the numbers are what they are.
 
2012-10-30 06:03:06 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: WHAR JAKE WHAR?

/Just wanted to be the first idiot to post it


I think rob might be having storm-related problems or something. I want to say it was mentioned in the MNF thread last night.
 
2012-10-30 06:07:18 PM  

rickythepenguin: roc6783: ***snip***
very dicky. but hey, that's rome.


He isn't on in Milwaukee anymore, but one day on my way to lunch, I flipped on his show to hear a rant about adults bringing gloves to baseball games. I had missed what set off the rant, but he was in the middle of his usual build up schtick about, "You in your car, with your hat on backwards, going 20 over the speed limit, or sitting in your office with your perfectly pressed collar and cuff links...". He went through a 2 or 3 minute build up and ended with something like, "I don't care how awesome you are or think you are, but if you are over the age of 12, and you bring a glove to a baseball game, you sir...are a loser."

Since I had no clue what he was talking about, the ending completely caught me by surprise and I laughed for way longer than I should have. I have spent a few minutes over the years trying, but have never been able to find the audio of that bit. It was just perfect.
 
2012-10-30 06:09:59 PM  

IAmRight: This, and the fact that the Seahawks just beat the Bears (last year? two years ago?) in Chicago is the reason that I think that one is winnable for the Seahawks


The Bears kicked the ever-living tar out of the Seahawks in the playoffs two years ago. Last year the Seahawks beat the Bears when Cutler and Forte were both injured, which doesn't mean all that much since everyone else did too except the tanking Vikes in the finale.
 
2012-10-30 06:10:43 PM  
Trey green is en fuego. That is all
 
2012-10-30 06:15:39 PM  
Last week the Packers had a pretty easy win against the Rams and the Ravens got slaughtered by the Texans and they put the Packers behind the Ravens. This week the Packers have a poor game against a horrible Jacksonville team, missing its one decent offensive player, and Baltimore is on bye, and NOW they put the Packers ahead of the Ravens? I mean, I would probably have done it a week ago since Baltimore hasn't been playing all that well and lost two important defensive guys, but if you had the Packers behind the Ravens going into this week, it just seems bizarre to switch them after that stinkbomb of a performance from the Packers.

And yeah, I know they were missing Jennings and Nelson. They still shouldn't have had that much trouble with the Jags.
 
2012-10-30 06:46:18 PM  

KingKauff: 8. bobby knight, "i'm sick and farking tired of a farkin 8-10 record in this godamn conference!"

9.


I'm not sure sure that is one of his best rants. I think one of his best rants was something like, that is a stupid farking question not get the frak out of MY press conference until to can ask a real question. (different report asks another dumb question). That farking it! We were farking done done here. As he is leaving you hear something that sound s like I'm tired of these farking idiots.

I want to say this happened in the early 80's or late 70's. I was at IU Bloomington during those times.
 
2012-10-30 06:47:13 PM  

roc6783: Had to look this one up, but I love This ain't intramurals, brother!


That was awesome & I found it highly enjoyable.


eddievercetti: You know I wuv ya.


You betta
 
2012-10-30 06:59:38 PM  

Treygreen13: Teams
1. Lowest Total Receptions - Cleveland Browns (11 Completions)


I was sure that was the Giants. They had less than Witten too.
 
2012-10-30 07:01:55 PM  

Di Atribe: Treygreen13: Word is that a major hollywood studio is picking up the rights to that last Cowboys game, calling it the best drama they've seen since Citizen Kane. A preliminary script is out.

Holy phalanx-balls that was funny


I'd add Spike Lee as Kevin Ogletree.
 
2012-10-30 07:05:45 PM  

muck4doo: I was sure that was the Giants. They had less than Witten too.


Several teams had fewer receptions than Jason Witten. The Browns were just the fail-hardest.
 
2012-10-30 07:13:08 PM  
Vikings are still too high. I'd be ecstatic with an 8-8 finish this year. Schedule is getting brutal.
 
2012-10-30 07:45:15 PM  
Ordinarily since were 1/2way thru the season Id start posting TGTBSS. But im thumb-typing in complete f'ing darkness so... fark that.
Di Atribe, the #s youse got is all youre getting, so PRINT IT BABY!
PS: we were messin with you, you never had a chance
 
2012-10-30 08:05:42 PM  
Crap. I forgot that robsul82 lives in Jersey.

Hope he's okay... >_>
 
2012-10-30 08:17:14 PM  

roc6783: Di Atribe: KingKauff: or something like that. we used the "practice" bit all the time. that was much easier:

him: you get those reports produced and bound?
me: production? Man, we talkin' 'bout PRODUCTION!

I think that's one of the reasons I love that one so much. It's easy to wedge into a conversation unexpectedly.

"I'm a man, I'm 40" is a close second (especially since I'm neither of those things).

Had to look this one up, but I love This ain't intramurals, brother!


That gets a bonus for having a link to the Pirate's "Fat Little Girlfreinds" rant along with it. That's one of my favs.
 
2012-10-30 08:23:11 PM  

Captain Steroid: Crap. I forgot that robsul82 lives in Jersey.

Hope he's okay... >_>


I'll give him a pass on the Jake this week, since I'd bet he has bigger issues to deal with.
 
2012-10-30 08:32:57 PM  
Still no Jake? I hope the guy's all right.

Anyway, my thoughts on the division:

The Ravens are too damn low... at least by one. Seriously, how does Green Bay jump them for beating the Jagwaggers? With all due respect to Fark's JAX fan, that's like bumping them up for the fact the Packers' plane didn't crash and kill everyone aboard.

I want to say the Steelers are too damn high, but looking at the next few teams down, I don't see anyone who really deserves to be above them. Then again, I'm not seeing anyone who really deserves to be below them either. As much parity as there is in the NFL this year, they almost need to go by Tour de France rules and count everyone in the peloton as tied.

And the Bengals and Browns are just about right. Of course, that may change depending on how badly they each get pulverized next week.
 
2012-10-30 08:36:54 PM  

Captain Steroid: Crap. I forgot that robsul82 lives in Jersey.

Hope he's okay... >_>


I'm not expecting to see his Jake post until at least the Thursday football thread.
 
2012-10-30 08:49:54 PM  
Are the Bills that bad that they Loose A Spot On A Bye Week?
 
2012-10-30 08:52:19 PM  
Take a trip down memory lane, as we fondly recall the first time Romo won The Jake in 2012.
 
2012-10-30 09:02:39 PM  

rickythepenguin: Sports Rant Power Rankings.......

2012-10-30 04:11:29 PM



Top 10 Press Conference Coaching Rants

Written by Matt Yoder on Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:10.


huh. 

i didn't know today was the 10yr anniversary but, given how that Yardbarker is no stranger to Sports tab.....interesting. And that I kept my list to coaching rants, not including AI and Dibble, etc.
 
2012-10-30 09:15:57 PM  

rickythepenguin: Treygreen13: It's not like the Cowboys are 1-6. They're 3-4. Plenty of season left.


true but your boys don't pass the eyeball test. now, that was an amazing comeback but......no.

the East is very intriguing. NYG is i think markedly overerated, the Eagles are being coached into a sub .500 season (andy, what the fark? why are you riding out vick? cliche approaching, but does Vick have "incirminating" photos of you? it is just bizarre how you are dead set on riding Vick out this year), and Dallas and Wash are just......i don't know.

Wash is interesting schedulewise. 5 of their final 8 are against the East: 2 vs Eagles, 2 vs Dallas, 1 vs NYG.

I wonder if Wash somehow catches fire to steal the East. I"m only saying that based upon how moribund the entire division is, including NYG. NYG has the luck of the irish it seems. gthey have no business being 6-2.


And they had no business winning the super bowl last year, or crushing San Fran this year at San Fran or winning the super bowl 4 years ago, or winning in the playoffs both super bowl years at Green Bay...and on and on and on. At some point it isn't about luck, it's about winning. They know how to do it. As for your wonder about Washington....even if Washington goes 6-2 and the Giants go 4-4, the Giants win the division.
 
2012-10-30 09:26:08 PM  
The "Skins" defense had an answer for no one........ Yep. It took until the last series of the second quarter where Pittsburgh did not get points...... Not gonna win redskins....... Not like that
 
2012-10-30 09:32:06 PM  

YonderScott: At some point it isn't about luck, it's about winning.



make no mistake, i don't hate the giants. fair play to them for doing what they've done. i'm just not sold on them. luck gets you pretty far but it runs out eventually.

david tyree doesn't make the helmet catch in i think triple coverage, no super bowl 1 for Eli, what's his nuts doesn't get a shaky (at best) "gave himself up, no fumble" ruling vs. arizona last year circa week 4, you arguably don't make the playoffs, dez bryant's fingers aren't what, 2 inches inside (if that) the endzone, you lose.....but those things happened.

fair play to NYG. i don't care.
 
2012-10-30 09:37:18 PM  
Friends,

We are gathered here today to celebrate a remarkable achievement. That we are, while at the same time solemnly reflecting on a horrible disaster. Millions, including this intrepid chronicle of abject failure, are without power. Many feet of water have submerged a boardwalk teeming with memories of happy carnival days and gloriously STD-ridden nights. There have even been many deaths attributed to this terrible storm, and that's certainly nothing to joke about. But while we stay at rapt attention watching coverage of one hurricane, this induction ceremony seeks to examine the hurricane that rages within the very gunslinging soul of this week's winner.

Indeed, there seems to be an unholy struggle taking place at all times within Antonio Ramiro Buongiorno Thesituationo Romo. Will he be a turnover-prone clown this week? Maybe, if the better angels of his nature don't win out. Can his QB rating be as high during all four quarters as it has been in the 4th quarter since 2009? Perhaps, if the personal demons that lead him to turn his blasted baseball cap around backwards don't emerge victorious.

So it has been throughout his unlikely path to the NFL, from Eastern Illinois University to the bright lights of Big D.

So it was in Week 8.

Of course, other events in the past week's slate of games had an impact here - natch, the week prior as well. The tarnish on last week's trophy was almost too much to bear as The "Winner" Who Shall Not Be Named somehow conquered the field with a pathetic 33.3, and prior to his game kicking off, it seemed as if such a tragedy might once more befall this award. The leaderboard was once again deadlocked with several names intertwined at only a pair of turnovers apiece. The discussion thread was filled with worry that there would once more be a winner without distinction. Without honor. Without any of the similar adjectives that also describe The Bad Day.

*tear*

But I digress.

Looking ahead at games yet to be played, we knew we had some hope for the future. John Skelton was going on Monday night. Cutler and Newton were slugging it out on the field, but both somehow fell short, with the Best in the World frustratingly just adding his name to the gridlock. "Hey, there's always Carson Palmer and Brady Quinn squaring off," we figured, "one of them are bound to take the solo lead." As uncertainty reigned, however, a cowboy took the field and took everyone's breath away...

...with peals of laughter, with gasps of disbelief, with howls of incredulousness as our hero quickly tucked us all in and provided the warm glass of milk that is a 3-interception first quarter. So warm and snuggly in our Delhomme dreams that we began hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, this quarterback might just succeed where another had so recently failed.

And then that damn devil had to come out to play.

That nasty, evil demon that so malevolently whispered in his ear, "But don't you want to actually win the game?"

It was as if a spigot had suddenly been turned off. The riverbank, at once dry and barren. Suddenly, the Tony that wanted to make his own fans happy had emerged, and he started showing off what can happen when he actually aims his passes at his own receivers. A 23-0 Giants lead in the early second quarter had been transformed into a 24-23 Dallas advantage as the 4th quarter commenced. True, the Giants retook the lead quickly thereafter, but it was cool. Tony was at work and the Cowboys had cruised down the field straight into the New York red zone.

Without warning, the struggle started anew. Passes started missing their targets. A short incompletion into the dirt on 2nd down. An overthrown deep ball on 3rd. All of a sudden, 4th down had struck, 63 seconds was left on the clock, and the two sides of Tony were wrestling for gridiron glory.

As the ball was softly cradled to the sternum of a Giant defender and a second 2012 Jake victory virtually assured, Antonio strutted to the sideline, took a sip of Gatorade, and flipped around an imaginary baseball cap. "Job well done," he told himself. "That whiny pussy Tony may complain, but I - three and out? Oh, fanculo!"

The war within was reborn. 60 yards of Texas grass was trampled underfoot as the march downfield started over. A beautiful bomb was launched at the back of the endzone and, shocker of ALL shockers, Dez Bryant had actually caught it! The Cowboys had completed the comeback! Tony had settled the storm inside himself and had won the day!

Sadly, while Tony and Antonio are at perpetual war in the same body, in Dez Bryant's there is no such strife. There is only...Dez.

Having one last throw at hand, the battle began one final time. There were more stupid faces being made underneath that helmet than can be seen at a Rivers family reunion. The ball was snapped, he faded back into the pocket, and his arm was flung forward.

With the ball still sailing between the uprights, Antonio smirked and started readying his acceptance speech. Somewhere deep inside, sweet Tony had once more learned a vital lesson that never quite seems to take, a lesson first spoken by a man who knows that killing him won't bring back your Goddamned honey.

Never go to war. Especially with yourself.

For throwing 4 interceptions while keeping the outcome in the game firmly in the doubt, for finally surrendering to making everyone but his own fans laugh and cheer, for giving us a winning performance with which we could all be happy, I am proud to present The Jake for Week 8 of the 2012 NFL season to Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys.

i63.photobucket.com

Tony, any words?

www1.pictures.zimbio.com

"Tony's not in right now. May I take a message? MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Should've known.


/written via rapidly-dying iPod
//don't say I've never done anything for you, lol
 
2012-10-30 09:43:53 PM  
Nicely done, robsul82. I love the angle.
 
2012-10-30 09:50:23 PM  
Why's the Mexican side gotta be the side that attempts to suck?
 
2012-10-30 09:50:54 PM  

PaulieattheTap: Are the Bills that bad that they Loose A Spot On A Bye Week?


I know the Chargers did it this year, so yes.
 
2012-10-30 09:55:32 PM  
Hilarious robsul. Good luck with getting power.
 
2012-10-30 10:08:02 PM  
Good heavens, Rob. You are a champion among men.

*mascara stained tear*
 
2012-10-30 10:08:38 PM  
Yeah, I sure wish I'd gotten more than a day's worth of gas for the generator, lol, and driving anywhere's not a option, so.

Save_Me.iPd
 
2012-10-30 10:13:27 PM  
Good job rob!
I'm happy to see you wouldn't let superstorms and darkness prevent you from delivering unto us our weekly Jake.
 
2012-10-30 10:15:00 PM  
between the jake and the grafs and the trivia and the 2nd jake and computer rankings and the predictions and whatever the hell else pops up each week, this thread delivers

/my only contribution is my gratitude
 
2012-10-30 10:37:56 PM  

robsul82: "Tony's not in right now. May I take a message? MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Should've known.

/written via rapidly-dying iPod
//don't say I've never done anything for you, lol


Awesome work, once again.

Good luck with the, uh, storm thing, too. Obviously. I was hoping to see the Jake on Thurs or next weekend, so thanks for delivering during such circumstances!
 
2012-10-30 10:39:40 PM  
Bravo Robsul and Tony! :)
 
2012-10-30 10:41:23 PM  

davidphogan: robsul82: "Tony's not in right now. May I take a message? MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Should've known.

/written via rapidly-dying iPod
//don't say I've never done anything for you, lol

Awesome work, once again.

Good luck with the, uh, storm thing, too. Obviously. I was hoping to see the Jake on Thurs or next weekend, so thanks for delivering during such circumstances!


Indeed. And here I was thinking I was having a hard night trying to choose who to vote for the winner of SYFY Face Off.

/Voted Nicole
 
Displayed 50 of 230 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report