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(ESPN)   ESPN's Week 9 NFL Power Rankings: Falcons maintain grip on top spot, while New York treads water in second and Indy surges into the top 15   (espn.go.com) divider line 230
    More: Cool, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, away games, Albert Haynesworth, rankings, Kevin Kolb, Jags, Mike Shanahan, Matt Hasselbeck  
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4207 clicks; posted to Sports » on 30 Oct 2012 at 3:02 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-30 03:43:51 PM  

rickythepenguin: Treygreen13: It's not like the Cowboys are 1-6. They're 3-4. Plenty of season left.


true but your boys don't pass the eyeball test. now, that was an amazing comeback but......no.

the East is very intriguing. NYG is i think markedly overerated, the Eagles are being coached into a sub .500 season (andy, what the fark? why are you riding out vick? cliche approaching, but does Vick have "incirminating" photos of you? it is just bizarre how you are dead set on riding Vick out this year), and Dallas and Wash are just......i don't know.

Wash is interesting schedulewise. 5 of their final 8 are against the East: 2 vs Eagles, 2 vs Dallas, 1 vs NYG.

I wonder if Wash somehow catches fire to steal the East. I"m only saying that based upon how moribund the entire division is, including NYG. NYG has the luck of the irish it seems. gthey have no business being 6-2.


I think Dallas has a good shot at Atlanta. By and large, everyone thinks Atlanta's not THAT good. They'll probably lose somewhere along the line. And Dallas isn't bad. Well, Felix Jones is terrible. They probably need Murray.

Also, the Eagles are just boned. They have no o-line whatsoever. Throwing a rookie behind those turnstyles would get ugly.
 
2012-10-30 03:44:05 PM  

iggyskuz: i want to say qb#2 is brady quinn, and #3 is Rivers.


I want to go all DeNiro-from-Untouchables on Phil Rivers this year. What a waste of a fantasy QB slot. You might figure, for a guy that talks as much shiat as he does, he might be better at this point than Russel Wilson, but there's ol' Phil, with performances of 6, 9 and 5 points this season.

// I'm also a bit bitter because I had to use Meachem in the flex this week (-.6 points) due to injuries/byes
// NO ONE's available to patch the holes I have on that team - Dreesen might replace Gates at TE if Rivers continues to suck more than anything has ever sucked
// giggity
 
2012-10-30 03:44:08 PM  

Treygreen13: The biggest NFL franchise struggling to stay in the race versus an undefeated Falcons team struggling to stay perfect.


that's a fair point.


hey what's the deal with the stadium? do they block out the natural light? I can't recall ever seeing the stadium in that amazing late afternoon light in the western windows. i know for night games they'll have that helicopter shot of the windows but i can't think of any game that looked like that.
 
2012-10-30 03:46:20 PM  

Dr Dreidel: You might figure, for a guy that talks as much shiat as he does


Ummm how much is that?
 
2012-10-30 03:47:15 PM  

Dafatone: rickythepenguin: Treygreen13: It's not like the Cowboys are 1-6. They're 3-4. Plenty of season left.


true but your boys don't pass the eyeball test. now, that was an amazing comeback but......no.

the East is very intriguing. NYG is i think markedly overerated, the Eagles are being coached into a sub .500 season (andy, what the fark? why are you riding out vick? cliche approaching, but does Vick have "incirminating" photos of you? it is just bizarre how you are dead set on riding Vick out this year), and Dallas and Wash are just......i don't know.

Wash is interesting schedulewise. 5 of their final 8 are against the East: 2 vs Eagles, 2 vs Dallas, 1 vs NYG.

I wonder if Wash somehow catches fire to steal the East. I"m only saying that based upon how moribund the entire division is, including NYG. NYG has the luck of the irish it seems. gthey have no business being 6-2.

I think Dallas has a good shot at Atlanta. By and large, everyone thinks Atlanta's not THAT good. They'll probably lose somewhere along the line. And Dallas isn't bad. Well, Felix Jones is terrible. They probably need Murray.

Also, the Eagles are just boned. They have no o-line whatsoever. Throwing a rookie behind those turnstyles would get ugly.


Oh I think Dez will find a way to hand ATL the ball at least once, maybe twice. That boy just cannot get his shiat together.
 
2012-10-30 03:48:51 PM  
Treygreen13:

2. Thanks to another game of absolutely obscene statistics usually reserved for guys who complete 1 pass, this QB leads the NFL in completion percentage for the season

Mason Crosby?
 
2012-10-30 03:49:29 PM  

Dafatone: I think Dallas has a good shot at Atlanta. By and large, everyone thinks Atlanta's not THAT good. They'll probably lose somewhere along the line. And Dallas isn't bad. W



Atl is absolutely a fugazi 7-0. but don't mistake that for them being a bad football team. they'll have a bad loss. everyone does. i just can't imagine how Dallas gets it done.

and Dallas is 2-2 OTR while ATL is a perfect (albeit small sample size) 3-0 at home.

gonna say ATL favored by....hmm......The Star On the Helmet (TSOtA) means vegas shaves off 1.5 points, so....ehh......ATL by 3.5.
 
2012-10-30 03:50:27 PM  

rickythepenguin: The Star On the Helmet (TSOtA) means vegas shaves off 1.5 points, so....ehh......ATL by 3.5.



DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTER.

Opened at 3, is now at 4.
 
2012-10-30 03:50:47 PM  
The Broncos break the Top 10! XD

i1182.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-30 03:51:25 PM  

rickythepenguin: hey what's the deal with the stadium? do they block out the natural light? I can't recall ever seeing the stadium in that amazing late afternoon light in the western windows. i know for night games they'll have that helicopter shot of the windows but i can't think of any game that looked like that.


The end zones basically face east-west, so those afternoon games have the setting sun gleaming through. Awesome for photo ops. Not so great for teams throwing into the sun, aye.
 
2012-10-30 03:51:34 PM  

ShadowLAnCeR: the 49ers are too dang low!


Not really, we're right where we should be.

1) Dirty Birds are firing on all cylinders. They're the only undefeated team left this year. It's hard to argue that they shouldn't be #1
2) We still haven't found a solution to the New York Football Giants yet. And they still have our number.
3) Texans had a bye, no evidence to move them up or down this week.
4) As much as I believe in Alex Smith, he's still too easy to rattle and get thrown off his rhythm. We don't know which Alex is going to show up from week to week. He's still our guy and I'm still glad he's our QB, I just wish he had a bit more consistency.

Now, all that said, if the Cowboys had pulled off the upset on Sunday, the Giants would have fallen a couple notches and the Texans and Niners would have moved up thusly.
 
2012-10-30 03:51:57 PM  

Treygreen13: I can't believe the Cowboys moved up a spot. Seriously. WTF.


So a team that loses, who might have won but had to come back from a 23-point deficit to make it interesting, with a 3-4 record, whose quarterback laid claim to the Jake this week, moves up a spot. Meanwhile, the Steelers get jumped after laying a hurting on the Redskins and their vaunted quarterback and not allowing a single sack on Big Ben?

Yeah. It made no sense to me, either. That's OK, though, the Steelers will be division leaders soon after Baltimore's totally depleted defense and shady offense both get exploited repeatedly for the rest of the season. There will be justice, just not this week.
 
2012-10-30 03:52:23 PM  

Rickenbacker: As a Bears fan...no way they should be ranked that high. Jeez, that Carolina game was scary bad. Defense can't score every game, can they?


Good teams can bad games and still win against bad teams. Green Bay hardly looked like worldbeaters against JAX, and that game was closer than the score indicated.

The Bears have plenty of problems, primarily inconsistency. When the offense is on, they could beat any team in the league. When they're not, it gets ugly and they're vulnerable to the Panthers.

The defense won't score every game, but the D-line has been getting pressure on everybody, so I'd expect that to continue.
 
2012-10-30 03:52:53 PM  

rickythepenguin: The Star On the Helmet (TSOtA



that would be TSOtH.
 
2012-10-30 03:54:05 PM  

Harv72b: Well I somehow managed to avoid a power outage due to the storm (despite seeing two downed power lines within a 5 mile radius during a drive earlier), which is fortunate as I need to gloat over yet another 10 win week. :) This brings the season mark up to a solid 74-43, including an eerily accurate Panthers-Bears prediction. Still not the perfect week which I know is coming soon, but good enough for government work.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Minnesota Vikings:
Aside from calling Christian Ponder Blaine Gabbert and predicting a final which was much closer than the actual score, nailed this one. Josh Freeman ended his streak of 300-yard games but still had a very strong outing, and Adrian Peterson's big game was held in check more by the score than by anything Tampa's defense did. Bucs rookie Doug Martin also notched his first career 100-yard rushing effort, as the Buccaneers offense is really clicking right now. 1-0

Carolina Panthers at Chicago Bears:
Jay Cutler did indeed have a bad game (first half, really) and Chicago bearly (HA!) managed to squeak out the win as proof of my wizadry. Newton had one of his best games this season from a statistical standpoint, but his two interceptions hurt the final line & Carolina's only touchdown came courtesy of Cam's fumble into the end zone. 2-0

San Diego Chargers at Cleveland Browns:
So after I hyped San Diego's #1-ranked run defense, Trent Richardson ran all over them to the tune of a 5.1 average on 24 carries. Philip Rivers avoided committing any turnovers, but his fnal line of 18/34 passing for 154 yards wasn't exactly Hall of Fame-worthy. The Browns notched consecutive home wins for the first time since weeks 16 & 17 of the 2009 season. 2-1

Seattle Seahawks at Detroit Lions:
It wasn't the ugly, low-scoring affair which I predicted, but the Lions managed the come-from-behind win behind a strong effort from Matthew Stafford and a career day for second-year receiver Titus Young. Meanwhile, the Seahawks lost while ...


Do me a favor and flush this turd.
 
2012-10-30 03:56:05 PM  

Captain Steroid: The Broncos break the Top 10! XD


they have the west wrapped up. easiest path tto he super bowl. shouldn't have to play a road game until late in the playoffs.

and, you have to wonder, hosting playoff games, how General January (as Napoleon learned the hard way) affects the AFC race. mkaybe not much. who knows.


Di Atribe: The end zones basically face east-west, so those afternoon games have the setting sun gleaming through. Awesome for photo ops. Not so great for teams throwing into the sun, aye.


why do i have no memory whatsoever of seeing dallas stadium lit up like that?

cardinals @ ASU had that amazing orange=yellow light that would filter in late in games. that iconic picture of Pat Tillman celebrating comes to mind. one thing that sucks about the new house is the lack of natural light. ehhh.
 
2012-10-30 03:56:54 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Meanwhile, the Steelers get jumped after laying a hurting on the Redskins and their vaunted quarterback and not allowing a single sack on Big Ben?


That could have something to do with the team who jumped ahead of you being the same ones who beat the Steelers 31-19 in week 1.
 
2012-10-30 03:58:39 PM  

Di Atribe: Nadie_AZ: Had it been Tom Brady there would have been 4 flags, National Guard and Bob Kraft's personal security detail on the field to haul the guy off to jail. I'm not a Redskin fan, but that pissed me off when I saw that.

Well RG3's not a national treasure.

Yet.


/don't tell any filthy redskins fans i said that


*Showered just this morning TYVM so we're cool.
I just hope he can survive the year or at least up to and including Week 12:)
 
2012-10-30 03:58:58 PM  

Jubeebee: The Bears have plenty of problems, primarily inconsistency.


This, and the fact that the Seahawks just beat the Bears (last year? two years ago?) in Chicago is the reason that I think that one is winnable for the Seahawks (the other two are winnable because Miami and Buffalo (in Toronto, even)). And the rest are at home.

Primed for a second-half run!
 
2012-10-30 03:59:21 PM  

Rickenbacker: As a Bears fan...no way they should be ranked that high. Jeez, that Carolina game was scary bad. Defense can't score every game, can they?


I was thinking the same thing, but they still have the fourth best point differential in the league. Maybe the defense can score every game; we'll just have to wait and see.

/hopeful
/I'm so used to typing on my phone I just poked a misspelled word on my monitor, in order to fix it.
 
2012-10-30 03:59:27 PM  

Di Atribe: *AND WE LET 'EM OFF THE HOOK


I lol'd. That line gets me every time!
 
2012-10-30 04:00:16 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: the Steelers will be division leaders soon after Baltimore's totally depleted defense and shady offense both get exploited repeatedly for the rest of the season. There will be justice, just not this week.



i loved their uniforms and no i'm not kidding.

granted, Steelers have, in all sports, worldwide (meaning, All Blacks, Man U, Barca, everybody) probably a top 10 most iconic uniform but the bumblebee togs, those were TIGHT.

Unifrom Power Rankings (in no order)

1. All Blacks
2. Lakers
3. Man U
4. Steelers
5. Dodgers
6. Yankees
7. Raiders
8. Barca
9. Tiger's Red On Sunday (althoguh others are co-opting it)
10. Celtics (that is NBA, not SPL)
 
2012-10-30 04:02:39 PM  

Harv72b: Adolf Oliver Nipples: Meanwhile, the Steelers get jumped after laying a hurting on the Redskins and their vaunted quarterback and not allowing a single sack on Big Ben?

That could have something to do with the team who jumped ahead of you being the same ones who beat the Steelers 31-19 in week 1.


Wait, haven't we established that the Power Rankings, besides being utter nonsense, is indicative of what is happening now and not of what happened earlier in the season? There are lots of teams ranked lower than those they beat.

Ah, what the hell. Like I said, there will be justice later in the season.
 
2012-10-30 04:03:19 PM  
Even if Da Bears win next week, I have a feeling the Packers will magically leapfrog them in the rankings because Aaron Rodgers is the new Tom Brady.
 
2012-10-30 04:03:38 PM  

rickythepenguin: why do i have no memory whatsoever of seeing dallas stadium lit up like that?

cardinals @ ASU had that amazing orange=yellow light that would filter in late in games. that iconic picture of Pat Tillman celebrating comes to mind. one thing that sucks about the new house is the lack of natural light. ehhh.


I want to say that it's because we really just don't have many late afternoon games. They're either noon or a night game. I'll look it up later for a comparison. I have to *spit* do other things like *hork* work right now. Ew.

i.imgur.com
 
2012-10-30 04:04:30 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: So a team that loses, who might have won but had to come back from a 23-point deficit to make it interesting, with a 3-4 record, whose quarterback laid claim to the Jake this week, moves up a spot. Meanwhile, the Steelers get jumped after laying a hurting on the Redskins and their vaunted quarterback and not allowing a single sack on Big Ben?

Yeah. It made no sense to me, either.


This is why NFL has a playoff. This is why the sainted few make the majority of money in college football.
 
2012-10-30 04:04:59 PM  

m1ke: Di Atribe: *AND WE LET 'EM OFF THE HOOK

I lol'd. That line gets me every time!


Me too. Sports rants are some of my favorite things & that was one of the very greatest.
 
2012-10-30 04:05:02 PM  
I loved the bumblebee uniforms, too, though I found myself singing "No Rain" all afternoon. Then it rained. Go figure.
 
2012-10-30 04:06:06 PM  
After 8 weeks, here are your Totally Inaccurate NFL computer rankings (Formula: 100 points per win, 10 points 2nd-level (per win of each team beaten), 1 point 3rd level (per 10 2nd-level points of each team beaten), 2 points per point scored, -1 point per point allowed, prorated to 8 games played)

Top 10

1. Falcons (1376 Prorated, 1204 Actual)
2. Texans (1333.71 Prorated, 1167 Actual)
3. Bears (1225.14 Prorated, 1072 Actual)
4. Giants (1136)
5. Patriots (1065 (They are the highest-scoring team in the league))
6. 49ers (1061)
7. Ravens (990.85 Prorated, 867 Actual)
8. Packers (982)
9. Vikings (925)
10. Broncos (922.28 Prorated, 807 Actual)

Bottom 5:

28. Saints (500.57 Prorated, 438 Actual)
29. Browns (395)
30. Panthers (245.71 Prorated, 215 Actual)
31. Jaguars (186.28 Prorated, 163 Actual)
32. Chiefs (179.42 Prorated, 157 Actual)
 
2012-10-30 04:07:54 PM  
Week in, week out, this thread is always worth reading.
 
2012-10-30 04:07:57 PM  

rickythepenguin: i loved their uniforms and no i'm not kidding.


On the one hand: YES IT WASN'T JUST ME!
On the other hand: Aw sh*t, it was ricky that agreed with me.
 
2012-10-30 04:09:24 PM  

Di Atribe: m1ke: Di Atribe: *AND WE LET 'EM OFF THE HOOK

I lol'd. That line gets me every time!

Me too. Sports rants are some of my favorite things & that was one of the very greatest.


How about Harbaugh this Sunday in response to a question about Alex Smith's confidence level:

"I don't think there was ever a question there. I think it's just a lot of gobble, gobble turkey," Harbaugh said. "Just gobble, gobble, gobble turkey from jive turkey gobblers. That paints a pretty good picture of it."
 
2012-10-30 04:11:07 PM  

seumasokelly: How about Harbaugh this Sunday in response to a question about Alex Smith's confidence level:

"I don't think there was ever a question there. I think it's just a lot of gobble, gobble turkey," Harbaugh said. "Just gobble, gobble, gobble turkey from jive turkey gobblers. That paints a pretty good picture of it."


Um. Ohmygod. No, I missed that. You wouldn't happen to have a video of that handy, would you?
 
2012-10-30 04:11:29 PM  

Di Atribe: Me too. Sports rants are some of my favorite things & that was one of the very greatest.



Sports Rant Power Rankings
1. Lee Elia's, "wrigley field is a playground for assholes, 99% of the world is out there working for a living and there's 5,000 assholes with nothing better to do than sit in the bleachers....don't rip those guys [the team], rip my farkin' ass!" (keep in mind, this rant was like, 20 games into the season. you wold think he just lost a game 7 of the WS)

2. Tommy LaSorda, "what do I farkin' think of farkin' kurt farkin' bevacqua? farkin' guy couldn't hit farking water if he fell outta farkin' boat, what kind of farking question is that?"

3. Denny Green

4. Jim Mora, Playoffs

6. Rick Pitino "larrry bird AINT" WALKIN THRU THAT DOOR! ROBER PARISH AIN'T WALKIN THROUG THAT DOOR!"

7. Mike Gundy "IM MAN I'M 40! IF YOU HAVE A CHILD, WHO IS FAAAT!"

8. bobby knight, "i'm sick and farking tired of a farkin 8-10 record in this godamn conference!"

9.
 
2012-10-30 04:11:51 PM  

IAmRight: Dr Dreidel: You might figure, for a guy that talks as much shiat as he does

Ummm how much is that?


A google.
 
2012-10-30 04:13:20 PM  

Di Atribe: seumasokelly: How about Harbaugh this Sunday in response to a question about Alex Smith's confidence level:

"I don't think there was ever a question there. I think it's just a lot of gobble, gobble turkey," Harbaugh said. "Just gobble, gobble, gobble turkey from jive turkey gobblers. That paints a pretty good picture of it."

Um. Ohmygod. No, I missed that. You wouldn't happen to have a video of that handy, would you?

nfl.com
 
2012-10-30 04:13:43 PM  

rickythepenguin: Di Atribe: Me too. Sports rants are some of my favorite things & that was one of the very greatest.


Sports Rant Power Rankings
1. Lee Elia's, "wrigley field is a playground for assholes, 99% of the world is out there working for a living and there's 5,000 assholes with nothing better to do than sit in the bleachers....don't rip those guys [the team], rip my farkin' ass!" (keep in mind, this rant was like, 20 games into the season. you wold think he just lost a game 7 of the WS)

2. Tommy LaSorda, "what do I farkin' think of farkin' kurt farkin' bevacqua? farkin' guy couldn't hit farking water if he fell outta farkin' boat, what kind of farking question is that?"

3. Denny Green

4. Jim Mora, Playoffs

6. Rick Pitino "larrry bird AINT" WALKIN THRU THAT DOOR! ROBER PARISH AIN'T WALKIN THROUG THAT DOOR!"

7. Mike Gundy "IM MAN I'M 40! IF YOU HAVE A CHILD, WHO IS FAAAT!"

8. bobby knight, "i'm sick and farking tired of a farkin 8-10 record in this godamn conference!"

9.


Alan Iverson "Practice? Man, we talkin' 'bout practice"
 
2012-10-30 04:14:21 PM  

Di Atribe: Nadie_AZ: Had it been Tom Brady there would have been 4 flags, National Guard and Bob Kraft's personal security detail on the field to haul the guy off to jail. I'm not a Redskin fan, but that pissed me off when I saw that.

Well RG3's not a national treasure.

Yet.


/don't tell any filthy redskins fans i said that


This filthy Redskins fan spotted it....
 
2012-10-30 04:14:26 PM  

Di Atribe: I want to say that it's because we really just don't have many late afternoon games. They're either noon or a night game. I'll look it up later for a comparison. I have to *spit* do other things like *hork* work right now. Ew.


blocked, but i'll hceck later.


Adolf Oliver Nipples: I loved the bumblebee uniforms, too, though I found myself singing "No Rain" all afternoon. Then it rained. Go figure.


i may or may not have started a song parody titled "No Rape" that was going no where which I may or may not have abandoned, assuming i in fact started sucha a parody WHICH YOU CAN'T PROVE.

/all i can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like to go in bars and just rape.
all i can do is block the door with my shoe
and while the cops guard the door, i just rape.
raaaape.
raaaape.
it's a mistake....it's a mistaah, hay, hay, hake
to ray, hay, hay, hape.

rape.
 
2012-10-30 04:14:47 PM  

KingKauff: rickythepenguin: Di Atribe: Me too. Sports rants are some of my favorite things & that was one of the very greatest.


Sports Rant Power Rankings
1. Lee Elia's, "wrigley field is a playground for assholes, 99% of the world is out there working for a living and there's 5,000 assholes with nothing better to do than sit in the bleachers....don't rip those guys [the team], rip my farkin' ass!" (keep in mind, this rant was like, 20 games into the season. you wold think he just lost a game 7 of the WS)

2. Tommy LaSorda, "what do I farkin' think of farkin' kurt farkin' bevacqua? farkin' guy couldn't hit farking water if he fell outta farkin' boat, what kind of farking question is that?"

3. Denny Green

4. Jim Mora, Playoffs

6. Rick Pitino "larrry bird AINT" WALKIN THRU THAT DOOR! ROBER PARISH AIN'T WALKIN THROUG THAT DOOR!"

7. Mike Gundy "IM MAN I'M 40! IF YOU HAVE A CHILD, WHO IS FAAAT!"

8. bobby knight, "i'm sick and farking tired of a farkin 8-10 record in this godamn conference!"

9.

Alan Iverson "Practice? Man, we talkin' 'bout practice"


Oh! and number ten: Herm Edwards "YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!"
 
2012-10-30 04:16:13 PM  

KingKauff: KingKauff: rickythepenguin: Di Atribe: Me too. Sports rants are some of my favorite things & that was one of the very greatest.


Sports Rant Power Rankings
1. Lee Elia's, "wrigley field is a playground for assholes, 99% of the world is out there working for a living and there's 5,000 assholes with nothing better to do than sit in the bleachers....don't rip those guys [the team], rip my farkin' ass!" (keep in mind, this rant was like, 20 games into the season. you wold think he just lost a game 7 of the WS)

2. Tommy LaSorda, "what do I farkin' think of farkin' kurt farkin' bevacqua? farkin' guy couldn't hit farking water if he fell outta farkin' boat, what kind of farking question is that?"

3. Denny Green

4. Jim Mora, Playoffs

6. Rick Pitino "larrry bird AINT" WALKIN THRU THAT DOOR! ROBER PARISH AIN'T WALKIN THROUG THAT DOOR!"

7. Mike Gundy "IM MAN I'M 40! IF YOU HAVE A CHILD, WHO IS FAAAT!"

8. bobby knight, "i'm sick and farking tired of a farkin 8-10 record in this godamn conference!"

9.

Alan Iverson "Practice? Man, we talkin' 'bout practice"

Oh! and number ten: Herm Edwards "YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!"


No John Chaney threatening to kick people's asses?
 
2012-10-30 04:16:22 PM  

KingKauff: Alan Iverson "Practice? Man, we talkin' 'bout practice"



i was thinking of coach meltdowns. but yeah, AI's is great.

seriously the Lee Elia and Tommy LaSordas, those are waaaaaaaaaaaay better than Denny Green. Denny Green's was a 10 second meltdown with an iconic tagline. Elia and LaSorda are like, 4 and 2 minutes long of literally, never ending "farks" and anger. they make Denny Green sound like Dr. Phil by comparison.
 
2012-10-30 04:16:26 PM  

rickythepenguin: Di Atribe: I want to say that it's because we really just don't have many late afternoon games. They're either noon or a night game. I'll look it up later for a comparison. I have to *spit* do other things like *hork* work right now. Ew.

blocked, but i'll hceck later.


Adolf Oliver Nipples: I loved the bumblebee uniforms, too, though I found myself singing "No Rain" all afternoon. Then it rained. Go figure.

i may or may not have started a song parody titled "No Rape" that was going no where which I may or may not have abandoned, assuming i in fact started sucha a parody WHICH YOU CAN'T PROVE.

/all i can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like to go in bars and just rape.
all i can do is block the door with my shoe
and while the cops guard the door, i just rape.
raaaape.
raaaape.
it's a mistake....it's a mistaah, hay, hay, hake
to ray, hay, hay, hape.

rape.


DAMMIT RICKY! Now I've got Shannon's voice crooning in my head. I will say that it beats Phil's voice which was there earlier
 
2012-10-30 04:16:26 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Wait, haven't we established that the Power Rankings, besides being utter nonsense, is indicative of what is happening now and not of what happened earlier in the season?


That is absolutely the case 100% of the time, except when it isn't. ;)

I wish I could argue your point about Pittsburgh leading the division in the near future, but with the way we've looked over the past couple games it appears that you're right.

/Dammit.
 
2012-10-30 04:16:56 PM  
49'ers and NYG too high. Packers and Bears too low. Cowboys should be higher considering....but I'm a homer that knows they will go 8-8, if lucky.
 
2012-10-30 04:16:56 PM  

Robert1966: Week in, week out, this thread is always worth reading.


There are, like, six people doing their own thing now. It's like a postgame show, but with any value whatsoever.
 
2012-10-30 04:16:59 PM  

KingKauff: KingKauff: rickythepenguin: Di Atribe: Me too. Sports rants are some of my favorite things & that was one of the very greatest.


Sports Rant Power Rankings
1. Lee Elia's, "wrigley field is a playground for assholes, 99% of the world is out there working for a living and there's 5,000 assholes with nothing better to do than sit in the bleachers....don't rip those guys [the team], rip my farkin' ass!" (keep in mind, this rant was like, 20 games into the season. you wold think he just lost a game 7 of the WS)

2. Tommy LaSorda, "what do I farkin' think of farkin' kurt farkin' bevacqua? farkin' guy couldn't hit farking water if he fell outta farkin' boat, what kind of farking question is that?"

3. Denny Green

4. Jim Mora, Playoffs

6. Rick Pitino "larrry bird AINT" WALKIN THRU THAT DOOR! ROBER PARISH AIN'T WALKIN THROUG THAT DOOR!"

7. Mike Gundy "IM MAN I'M 40! IF YOU HAVE A CHILD, WHO IS FAAAT!"

8. bobby knight, "i'm sick and farking tired of a farkin 8-10 record in this godamn conference!"

9.

Alan Iverson "Practice? Man, we talkin' 'bout practice"

Oh! and number ten: Herm Edwards "YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!"


What about Brett Myers? Boom, outta here!
 
2012-10-30 04:17:24 PM  

rickythepenguin: Di Atribe: Me too. Sports rants are some of my favorite things & that was one of the very greatest.


Sports Rant Power Rankings


Wasn't there a legendary rant by a Cubs manager (or is that #1 on your list)? Also, almost anything Ozzie Guillen has ever said to a live microphone belongs on that list.
 
2012-10-30 04:17:33 PM  
Word is that a major hollywood studio is picking up the rights to that last Cowboys game, calling it the best drama they've seen since Citizen Kane. A preliminary script is out.

The 2nd Jake

OPENING SCENE
3PM. Dallas/Fort Worth time. The Cowboys Cheerleaders are looking smokin', the pole-dancers in the stadium are doing their thing. Fans are noshing down on $12 cheesesteaks and pounding ice cold $8 beers. There's blonde hair and big boobs for 100 square miles. It's one of the biggest games of the season for the 'Boys. Cowboys fans are very nearly showing emotion. TONY ROMO (played by Paul Rudd) is throwin' some warm up passes and just running through the route tree with JASON WITTEN (played by Chris Pratt). Jerry Jones (CGI, voice of Skeletor) is introducing a crowd of 44 Japanese Businessmen to his private suite and offering them the opportunity to purchase DWAYNE HARRIS (also CGI, just use model for Jar-Jar Binks) for a fat pile of cash. JASON GARRETT (played by the Howdy Doody Puppet) suddenly appears and throws a second ball to JASON WITTEN at the same time as TONY ROMO. He jabs TONY ROMO with a finger in the ribs as JASON WITTEN simultaneously catches both balls and stacks them on top of each other while standing on one foot. "SWEET GEORGIA BROWN" plays.

JASON GARRETT: The process is nearly compete. Are you ready to process? We're going to totally football these OPPONENTS with our PROCESS! I hope you're prepared.
TONY ROMO: Yeah, I'm ready. Let's take it to these guys.
JASON GARRETT: Process confirmed. Commence playing hand-egg. BEEP.
TONY ROMO: Did you just say "BEEP"?
JASON GARRETT: NEGATIVE.

The Game starts. ELI MANNING (played by Topher Grace) throws a JUMP BALL to a nameless receiver. It bounces off two Cowboys players, a hot dog stand, the end-zone pylon and the roof before being corralled for a 54 yard gain. The Giants kick a field goal. It is good. The Cowboys receive the kick and TONY ROMO trots out onto the field. JASON GARRETT's voice crackles into Tony Romo's helmet.

JASON GARRETT: PASS. PASS PASS PASS PASS PASS.

TONY ROMO throws several passes. MILES AUSTIN (played by Multi-Platinum Rap Star "Drake") catches one for 23 yards.

JASON GARRETT: Pass to Bryant, drag route.
TONY ROMO: Hell no. Last time I threw anything more complicated than a straight line to Dez somebody stepped on my face on the way to the end-zone.
JASON GARRETT: Trust me. He'll come through.

Tony Romo throws a Drag Route to DEZ BRYANT (played by Taye Diggs). DEZ BRYANT runs a combination of a GO ROUTE and THE DOUGIE. The ball is INTERCEPTED. TONY ROMO and DEZ BRYANT walk to the sideline.

TONY ROMO: I'm not even mad. I'm sure as hell not surprised. What the fark (if this is PG replace "fark" with "laserbeam") were you thinking?!
DEZ BRYANT: I UNNO MAN I SO CRUNK RIGHT NOW @TONYROMO.

THE GIANTS take over in the Red Zone. The Dallas Cowboys defense HOLDS them to a field goal. You don't have to even show this part. Nobody cares about defensive players. The Cowboys receive the kickoff.

JASON GARRETT: Run?!
TONY ROMO: Wait, seriously?! Jesus Christ it's a miracle. (If this is PG replace "JESUS CHRIST" with "CUPCAKE PARTY")

The Cowboys gain 5 yards on two consecutive runs. The run is SUPER EFFECTIVE.

JASON GARRETT: LET'S GO DEEP! MILES AUSTIN TOUCHDOWN WOOOOe0111000!

TONY ROMO throws a DEEP BALL to MILES AUSTIN. MILES AUSTIN gracefully pirouettes and then FALLS DOWN. The pass is INTERCEPTED. TONY ROMO walks back to the bench and sits down. ROB RYAN (played by Jeff Bridges) sits down next to TONY ROMO.

ROB RYAN: Was worth a shot. Didn't work out but that happens sometimes.
TONY ROMO: Thanks for the encouragement, Rob. It's rare that anyone says anything to me but, "I hate you." You know, it really feels good to get some credit...
TONY ROMO is interrupted when ROB RYAN leans back to reveal a SNACK VENDOR holding a pen and pad.
ROB RYAN: Sorry about that Tony, I was talking to Roberto here. He just checked to see if I could get a jar of mayonnaise to eat during TV timeouts. Turns out they don't sell mayonnaise here. Not even Crisco. Who would have guessed? What were you saying?
TONY ROMO: Nothing.

A single tear falls down TONY ROMO's cheek. THE GIANTS score a Touchdown. TONY ROMO takes the field. TONY ROMO checks down to FELIX JONES (played by Dave Chappelle) but JASON PIERRE-PAUL (played by Donald Glover) activates his INSPECTOR GADGET ARMS and INTERCEPTS the ball and then runs it in for 6 POINTS. JERRY JONES's voice comes through on TONY ROMO'S HELMET

JERRY JONES: Uhh, Tony. Listen. I've got 30 large riding on this game with Mr. Hakimoto. Do me a favor and try to win this one. Oh by the way sorry about the sun in your eyes. I just thought it would look cool if part of our field was constantly bombarded with blinding lights. Really gives it a sparkle. Thanks a lot champ.

FAST FORWARD to HALFTIME. The Cowboys score twice but it's NOT IMPORTANT. The team is assembled in the locker room. FELIX JONES is quietly rubbing his gloves with WD-40. JASON GARRETT is delivering an INSPIRING SPEECH.

JASON GARRETT: It is imperative to the PROCESS that you play more efficiently. We will be playing efficiently to PROCESS. Speak the words "EFFICIENT" while doing simultaneous digit contact when we all reach the number three.

Video montage shows TONY ROMO taking the lead by passing EVERYTHING to JASON WITTEN, set to the "PERFECT STRANGERS" theme song. Cut to comical shot of Jason Garrett blowing a fuse at first, but then doing the ROBOT. Fade to black on the line "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now". Fade in to TONY ROMO taking the field down 2 points. TONY ROMO completes his BAZZILIONTH pass.

JASON GARRETT: Run!
TONY ROMO: NOW YOU WANT TO RUN!? I JUST TOOK US FROM 23 POINTS DOWN BY THROWING MY GODDAMN (if this is PG replace "goddamn" with "MAN, THIS IS GOOD FLAN") arm off. Fine, we're running.

FELIX JONES runs 2 yards and then the ball pops out like an OCTOMOM BABY. THE GIANTS recover. ELI MANNING completes a 5 yard pass on 3rd and 8 and settles for a field goal. Camera cuts to JON GRUDEN (played by Jeff Daniels) in his hotel room.

JON GRUDEN: OH MY GOD THAT WAS THE BEST PERFORMANCE I'VE EVER SEEN THIS GUY IS JUST THE BEST.
JON GRUDEN covers the inside of his pants with Gruden Juice (TM). Camera pans to TV to reveal that JON GRUDEN was watching a commercial for JIF PEANUT BUTTER. TONY ROMO returns to the field and leads an 80 yard drive to the Giants 19 yard line for 2nd and 1.

JASON GARRETT: PASS PASS PASS PASS PASS PASS PASS PASS PASS
TONY ROMO: It's 2nd and 1!
JASON GARRETT: PASS PASS PASS PASS PASS.

TONY ROMO throws 2 passes that hit his receivers in the hands, one for a first down and one for the game-winning Touchdown. Both are dropped. 4TH down.

JASON GARRETT: PA-
TONY ROMO: Yes, I get it, PASS PASS PASS PASS PASS. Fine, here it goes.

TONY ROMO takes the snap and is immediately rushed by 3 GIANTS defenders who run through the offensive line like they're PATRICK SWAYZE IN GHOST OR PATRICK SWAYZE CURRENTLY. TONY ROMO tries to avoid three defenders but realizes he isn't SPIDERMAN and just throws it to JASON WITTEN. The pass is INTERCEPTED. The crowd is somehow SURPRISED.

TONY ROMO: GOD. farkING. DAMMIT. (if this is PG, replace this with "YO GABBA GABBA")

The Cowboys defense miraculously holds. TONY ROMO stumbles back to the offensive huddle.

DEZ BRYANT: COME ON TONY, I WILL PAY YOU BACK I SWEAR, JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER WEEK TO GET A PAYCHECK AND I'LL PAY OFF THE DEBT @TONYROMO
TONY ROMO: What the FROGNOZZLE (this doesn't need to be replaced) are you talking about?!
DEZ BRYANT: @TONYROMO just throw me the ball I'll catch it, I promise.
JASON WITTEN: WHEEZE WHEEZE WHEEZE
TONY ROMO: Ok, but you better catch it. I swear to god if I throw it into the end zone and you run a farking (replace this with "FIZZbiatch" or "PHALANX") curl route on the 15 yard line I will eviscerate you with a hot knife in the parking lot and sell your intestines to your mother.

TONY ROMO throws a laser touchdown pass to DEZ BRYANT. The play is UP FOR REVIEW.

OFFICIAL: "Upon further review, Dez Bryant still sucks. Call overturned."

The Cowboys Lose. ELI MANNING and TONY ROMO meet in the middle of the field for the post game handshake.

TONY ROMO: Good game. We'll see you next year and we're going to actually win.
ELI MANNING: U R MY FAVRIT BABYSITTER UNCLE TONY!

"Tears of a Clown" plays over the final breakdown of the characters. DEZ BRYANT goes on to be a successful tire salesman in Oklahoma. MILES AUSTIN's ACL explodes in the locker room and he DIES. JASON WITTEN enters the hall of fame and retires a wealthy man. JERRY JONES lives to be 135 years old. ELI MANNING is somehow a 2-time HALL OF FAME inductee and gives TONY ROMO a job at his chain of PUDDING STORE assisting COOPER MANNING (played by Tagg Romney). TONY ROMO later hangs himself in the bathroom.
 
2012-10-30 04:18:11 PM  

rickythepenguin: KingKauff: Alan Iverson "Practice? Man, we talkin' 'bout practice"


i was thinking of coach meltdowns. but yeah, AI's is great.


Next time be more specific

seumasokelly: No John Chaney threatening to kick people's asses?


oh, man, I completely forgot about that one
 
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