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(Telegraph)   If a dog could write a bucket list, these 50 items would likely be on it   (telegraph.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Sappy, English Words  
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9459 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Oct 2012 at 11:38 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



92 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2012-10-22 03:23:58 AM  
farm1.static.flickr.com
 
2012-10-22 04:50:04 AM  
Over the years, our dogs have scored 40/50.
 
2012-10-22 09:03:12 AM  
9. Help your owner bad a date

How does one 'bad a date?'
 
2012-10-22 09:16:43 AM  
18. Join in a football game in the park

My Akita (RIP) whipped my ass when he played American football with my buddies in the park. He was the corner and I was the WR. I regret not shopping him to the NFL.

/caught the ball and was instantly tackled
//you magnificent bastard
///nearly forced a fumble
 
2012-10-22 09:26:01 AM  

dickfreckle: /caught the ball and was instantly tackled


To elaborate, he didn't actually "tackle" me (obviously), but took a friendly bite out of my ass. And when you're playing football with a dog, that counts. The almost-fumble came when I fell down. If I could do it again, I'd deliberately lose the ball just so he could run it back for a TD.

/fastest 110lb. dog I ever saw. No wonder he was playing corner
 
2012-10-22 09:54:27 AM  
51) Dry-hump someone's leg, preferably at a wildly innapropriate time.  Like when they are accepting an Oscar or facing a firing line. 
 
2012-10-22 10:45:57 AM  
Dog thread? I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
 
2012-10-22 11:43:34 AM  

Cythraul: 9. Help your owner bad a date

How does one 'bad a date?'


Dammit, you beat me.

/tips cap
 
2012-10-22 11:44:09 AM  
11. Visit a different continent
17. Learn the word for 'sit' in another language
19. Meet a famous dog
25. Learn to skateboard
28. Be a ring bearer at a wedding
31. Have your own social media page (um, no...)
33. Have a personalised kennel (he'll never be in a kennel)
49. Star in a YouTube video (again, um, no.)

My boy hasn't done too bad... these are the only one's (from silly list) he hasn't done. A couple he never will.

He's 12 now, I'm pretty comfortable thinking he's lived a pretty good life, I try.
 
2012-10-22 11:45:15 AM  
24. Ride in an open top car

So, a convertible?
 
2012-10-22 11:45:32 AM  

Elegy: Dog thread? I'll show you mine if you show me yours.


Don't have one. Want one, but I'd feel guilty about leaving it alone all day.
 
2012-10-22 11:46:05 AM  
Let rip with some noxious flatulence in front of some prudish house-guests?
Wait - that was me, not the dog. Never mind.
 
2012-10-22 11:46:34 AM  
Number one on my bucket list is to never hear the words "bucket list" together again, or be reminded of that mediocre movie that spawned it.
 
2012-10-22 11:46:37 AM  

blatz514: Cythraul: 9. Help your owner bad a date

How does one 'bad a date?'

Dammit, you beat me.

/tips cap


I'm thinking they mean tell you someone is a bad person, don't date them. But, I only speak American English so I'm not positive. jing live bad a huberwolkie... ?
 
2012-10-22 11:46:38 AM  
Have your own spot on the couch? Oh yeah, he does...
farm7.staticflickr.com

and as for getting dirty immediately after a bath...
farm4.staticflickr.com


/actually, he's done damn near all of those things, except possibly meeting a famous dog
 
2012-10-22 11:48:30 AM  
no one else was forced to sit through a crappy 30 second ad to read the article? I don' t watch them on TV, why the hell would I watch them on the internet.
 
2012-10-22 11:48:43 AM  

Elegy: Dog thread? I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

[i.imgur.com image 300x224]
[i.imgur.com image 300x224]


i1321.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-22 11:50:23 AM  
All they all steak?
 
2012-10-22 11:55:20 AM  

CapeFearCadaver: blatz514: Cythraul: 9. Help your owner bad a date

How does one 'bad a date?'

Dammit, you beat me.

/tips cap

I'm thinking they mean tell you someone is a bad person, don't date them. But, I only speak American English so I'm not positive. jing live bad a huberwolkie... ?


Could it be a typo and they mean "bag"?, unpossible....

/swede
//should not need to teach Americans their own language
 
2012-10-22 11:57:46 AM  
Accompany your owner on a run/cycle ride

I jog with my dog but cycling seems way to farking dangerous. I see people do this from time to time and I can only pray that the dog doesn't get hurt.

Seriously, why do people think this is a good idea?
 
2012-10-22 11:59:28 AM  
1. Flop down in front of a morning fire

Our dog loves the woodstove, he goes behind it and lays down until he is panting then he gets up and gets a big drink and finds a nice cool spot on the floor in the kitchen and goes back to the wood stove and starts the whole cycle over.
 
2012-10-22 12:00:34 PM  

LandOfChocolate: I jog with my dog but cycling seems way to farking dangerous. I see people do this from time to time and I can only pray that the dog doesn't get hurt.


CSB Time. I saw some dumbass cycle with their dog on a leash. What do you suppose happened? The leash got caught in the bike's gears, which sent the dog's snout straight to the underside front wheel. Thankfully the dumbass stopped the bike before he could crush his dog's face.
 
2012-10-22 12:00:50 PM  

LandOfChocolate: Accompany your owner on a run/cycle ride

I jog with my dog but cycling seems way to farking dangerous. I see people do this from time to time and I can only pray that the dog doesn't get hurt.

Seriously, why do people think this is a good idea?


Seriously? I do this 3 times a day. It's wonderful exercise, and we've never had a single issue. I'm not hauling ass or anything. I go fast enough to keep him at a steady trot, but not so fast that he has to sprint to keep up.

I've also gone mountain biking with him behind me a lot as well. He was off leash then, so that's quite a bit different.
 
2012-10-22 12:01:57 PM  

brap: 51) Dry-hump someone's leg, preferably at a wildly innapropriate time.  Like when they are accepting an Oscar or facing a firing line.


Is there an appropropriate time for your dog to hump your leg?
 
2012-10-22 12:02:27 PM  
Snausages, lots of them.
 
2012-10-22 12:02:29 PM  
No one yet? Really? Ok.

1) Eat steak
2) Eat steak
3) Eat steak
4) Eat steak
5) Eat steak
6) Eat steak
7) Eat steak
8) Eat steak
9) Eat steak
10) Eat steak
11) Eat steak
12) Eat steak
13) Eat steak
14) Eat steak
15) Eat steak
16) Eat steak
17) Eat steak
18) Eat steak
19) Eat steak
20) Eat steak
21) Eat steak
22) Eat steak
23) Eat steak
24) Eat steak
25) Eat steak
26) Eat steak
27) Eat steak
28) Eat steak
29) Eat steak
30) Eat steak
31) Eat steak
32) Eat steak
33) Eat steak
34) Eat steak
35) Eat steak
36) Eat steak
37) Eat steak
38) Eat steak
39) Eat steak
40) Eat steak
41) Eat steak
42) Eat steak
43) Eat steak
44) Eat steak
45) Eat steak
46) Eat steak
47) Eat steak
48) Eat steak
49) Eat steak
50) Eat steak
 
2012-10-22 12:05:41 PM  

Lor M. Ipsum: LandOfChocolate: Accompany your owner on a run/cycle ride

I jog with my dog but cycling seems way to farking dangerous. I see people do this from time to time and I can only pray that the dog doesn't get hurt.

Seriously, why do people think this is a good idea?

Seriously? I do this 3 times a day. It's wonderful exercise, and we've never had a single issue. I'm not hauling ass or anything. I go fast enough to keep him at a steady trot, but not so fast that he has to sprint to keep up.

I've also gone mountain biking with him behind me a lot as well. He was off leash then, so that's quite a bit different.


Off leash, I can see. I'm talking about people that do it with a dog on a leash.

Perhaps it depends on the area where you live. Here, we have mixed use trails with a good number of people walking, jogging, biking and "cycling" (assholes think the trail is their local velodrome). I can't see it being safe to have a leashed dog attached to a bicycle
 
2012-10-22 12:06:06 PM  
Mine....
imageshack.us
 
2012-10-22 12:06:39 PM  

hiker9999: brap: 51) Dry-hump someone's leg, preferably at a wildly innapropriate time.  Like when they are accepting an Oscar or facing a firing line. 

Is there an appropropriate time for your dog to hump your leg?


rekraFlatoT: CapeFearCadaver: blatz514: Cythraul: 9. Help your owner bad a date

How does one 'bad a date?'

Dammit, you beat me.

/tips cap

I'm thinking they mean tell you someone is a bad person, don't date them. But, I only speak American English so I'm not positive. jing live bad a huberwolkie... ?

Could it be a typo and they mean "bag"?, unpossible....

/swede
//should not need to teach Americans their own language


Could it mean "help your owner make a date go bad?"

By humping a leg at an inappropriate time?
 
2012-10-22 12:12:50 PM  

LandOfChocolate: Perhaps it depends on the area where you live. Here, we have mixed use trails with a good number of people walking, jogging, biking and "cycling" (assholes think the trail is their local velodrome). I can't see it being safe to have a leashed dog attached to a bicycle


I use a leash in the suburbs where we can use the sidewalk. He freakin loves it. If I try jogging with him, he is noticeably disappointed that I can't go fast enough. With bicycling, he is engaged, and I can keep up. And at no point has the leash gotten caught in the gears or the dog been run over.
 
2012-10-22 12:18:31 PM  
Getting a kick as I just found out my 9 year old Great Dane has terminal cancer : (


I never got to take her to the beach...that makes me sad, she woulda loved barking at the waves.

Other than that she's done pretty much everything (everything not stupid, like meet a famous dog) on the list. Spot on the couch? Heck she has two full couches and I have one! She has lived a very priviliged doglife.

What is the worst is that I can't take her fishing, hiking and camping anymore...her favorite activities. I will miss her dearly.

/Excuse me while I lock myself in the bathroom to cry
 
2012-10-22 12:19:28 PM  
My dogs pretty much have the run of house, sometimes they even let me sleep on the bed...

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net

/sometimes...
 
2012-10-22 12:19:44 PM  

blatz514: 24. Ride in an open top car

So, a convertible?


www.travelhead.com

Na, this works fine.

/Not mine. Mine's white.
 
2012-10-22 12:21:21 PM  
My woofers have pretty much 40 out of 50, or close to it, and pretty much the reasonable ones...
The young one has managed to that in less than a year since we adopted him and he ain't even 2 yet, the other one has had 14 years to have a better bucket list completed than the one on link... both are rescued, both are awesome, both are siberian huskies...
i237.photobucket.com
She not only has her own place on the couch, she has her own couch.

i237.photobucket.com
Wearing football jersey the same as playing???

i237.photobucket.com
Learned how to chill hanging out with a cat that thought he was a dog.
 
2012-10-22 12:21:42 PM  
2KanZam:

:( I'm sooo sorry. Hugs to you.
 
2012-10-22 12:22:20 PM  
I'm guessing "lick my balls" isn't on the list.
 
2012-10-22 12:25:20 PM  

Counter_Intelligent: Elegy: Dog thread? I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Don't have one. Want one, but I'd feel guilty about leaving it alone all day.


Get another dog, (or cat) for company while you're at work. Has worked fine for 7 years for us.
 
2012-10-22 12:25:58 PM  
i266.photobucket.com

The one on the right's list:
1: Nail that biatch down the street (again)
2: Nail that Lhaso that backs at me
3: Suffocate the idiot that feeds and walks me. Let the nice lady he bothers feed and walk me

The one on the left's list:
1: Kill the pit bulls next door
2: Kill the other pit bull
3: Enslave all the other dogs in to a willing army
4: Feed me until I'm a fat little tube

i266.photobucket.com
1: Bark all day
2: Bark all night
3: Poop on the floor. Deny pooping on the floor.
 
2012-10-22 12:27:32 PM  
Mans best friend.
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-10-22 12:27:46 PM  
I wish I had a dog. The fiancé has one, and I love him, but I only get to see them one week out of six right now :-(
 
2012-10-22 12:28:37 PM  
It's beggin' time!
 
2012-10-22 12:31:46 PM  

hiker9999: brap: 51) Dry-hump someone's leg, preferably at a wildly innapropriate time.  Like when they are accepting an Oscar or facing a firing line. 

Is there an appropropriate time for your dog to hump your leg?



I don't know, I'll go ask my owner.
 
I asked but he thought I wanted a Snausage.  Which I did but that's beside the point.
 
:P
 
2012-10-22 12:34:06 PM  

Quinzy: no one else was forced to sit through a crappy 30 second ad to read the article? I don' t watch them on TV, why the hell would I watch them on the internet.


Apparently we're not special and don't have the magic commercial blocking powers that others have.

And yeah... subby... thanks for the auto playing, 30 second, non skippable, political attack ad.

On the plus side... DOG THREAD!!!

/more photos and stories please
//lives vicariously through fark's dog owners.
 
2012-10-22 12:36:06 PM  

rekraFlatoT: //should not need to teach Americans their own language


yeah, about that... FTA: http://www.telegraph.co.uk
My wager is on "bed" ((slang) To have sexual intercourse with. [from early 14th c.]).

Lor M. Ipsum: I've also gone mountain biking with him behind me a lot as well.


One of the best dogs I've ever known loved to go along on nighttime mountain bike rides. We'd all have high-output headlights and Charlie with his orange reflective vest would be blasting down the trail in front of us. Good times.
 
2012-10-22 12:37:51 PM  

2KanZam: Getting a kick as I just found out my 9 year old Great Dane has terminal cancer : (


I never got to take her to the beach...that makes me sad, she woulda loved barking at the waves.

Other than that she's done pretty much everything (everything not stupid, like meet a famous dog) on the list. Spot on the couch? Heck she has two full couches and I have one! She has lived a very priviliged doglife.

What is the worst is that I can't take her fishing, hiking and camping anymore...her favorite activities. I will miss her dearly.

/Excuse me while I lock myself in the bathroom to cry


I am so sorry to read this. You two make the best of it for now. big hugs to you both.

I love my dog more than anything in life.
 
2012-10-22 12:39:15 PM  

Ashrams: Mans best friend.
[1.bp.blogspot.com image 256x184]


You bastard.

turbocucumber: No one yet? Really? Ok.

1) Eat steak
2) Eat steak
3) Eat steak
4) Eat steak
...


That was my thought as well.
 
2012-10-22 12:41:33 PM  

2KanZam: Getting a kick as I just found out my 9 year old Great Dane has terminal cancer : (


I never got to take her to the beach...that makes me sad, she woulda loved barking at the waves.

Other than that she's done pretty much everything (everything not stupid, like meet a famous dog) on the list. Spot on the couch? Heck she has two full couches and I have one! She has lived a very priviliged doglife.

What is the worst is that I can't take her fishing, hiking and camping anymore...her favorite activities. I will miss her dearly.

/Excuse me while I lock myself in the bathroom to cry


So sorry to hear that. A quote I like to use...

"Old men miss many dogs."

Try to pack as much awesome into their lives as you can...
 
2012-10-22 12:43:10 PM  
4. Dig up a flower bed
9. Help your owner bad a date (eh?)
13. Ruin a pair or slippers or shoes
19. Meet a famous dog
21. Convince your owner you can howl English words (he doesn't howl)
23. Howl along with your favourite song (again, no howling)
25. Learn to skateboard
27. Show the postman who's boss
28. Be a ring bearer at a wedding
29. Try to follow a squirrel up a tree
37. Steal someone's lunch when they're not looking
38. Watch an entire episode of 'The Washing Machine'
40. Create a diversion and steal another dog's dinner
41. Rug a doggy marathon
45. Watch Lassie on TV
50. Sleep in a boutique dog hotel

My boy just turned six and I'm sure we'll manage to knock a few more off those remaining sixteen items. He does have one checked off that ought to be on most (male) Farkers' lists:

51. Romp with beautiful, topless women on the French Riviera
 
2012-10-22 12:44:04 PM  

Pray 4 Mojo: /more photos and stories please
//lives vicariously through fark's dog owners.


Sometimes it's just bizarre. My wife chatted at me when she woke up this morning...

wife: Gus left the dining room rug half turned over. Under that is a cutting board, and it is wet.
me: oh dang.
where would he -
I don't even
wife: I have no idea what happened there.
 
2012-10-22 12:47:35 PM  
51. Paint me like one of your French pups

sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net
 
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