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(Christian Science Monitor)   Hipsters bring "youthful energy" to Detroit. When they finish moving in we can build a 50 foot containment wall around the city   (csmonitor.com) divider line 33
    More: Misc, Detroit, defensive wall, Good People, Ford Foundation, Wayne State, new immigrants, hipsters, young professional  
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5389 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Oct 2012 at 2:15 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-10-21 06:01:50 PM  
4 votes:
Hipsters and cities may be annoying but they are part of the natural world, like jungles and termites. In fact, if there were no hipsters, all of our cities would eventually die and the resources locked up in them would pile up like dead plant matter in bogs or forests. Nature solved this problem by using the natural burial of surplus carbon to control the atmosphere and oceans and thus maintain the cycle of life. Until Nature figured out how to make an organism that could eat the lignin in woody plants, they piled up and had to be buried as coal. The same is true of the tiny marine organisms and debris that sank to the bottom and formed petroleum and natural gas.

Being a bit of a jerry-builder and do-it-yourselfer, Nature left the invention of lignin-eating organisms a bit too long and enough carbon piled up to create a nearly fatal fever when some organism evolved that could consume coal, but fortunately that was only a geological eye-blink ago and this organism, man, will be gone in the same eye-blink. In the meantime, Nature has devised wonderful mechanisms to recycle the principle work of man, agriculural land and cities.

In the meantime, Nature invented many more organisms, such as ants and termites, to ensure the health, survival, and reproduction of forests and other machines for living.

One of the newest machines for living, the city, only recently acquired the ability to fully recycle its garbage. This organism is the hipster. Hipsters are Nature's newest take on the termite. Unlike termites which can only destroy wood, concrete and similar raw materials, the hipster can recycle entire cities, cultures and eco-systems.

This is a complex and some would say, beautiful, process, called gentrification. The hipster is a key element in the process. Without the hipsters, cities would die and the resources which were used to build them would be buried and lost to life.

The first stage of gentrification is when a neighbourhood goes completely out of fashion. The rich build and occupy almost all new housing. As they abandon old and decaying housing for bigger and better shells, their shells are occupied by the hermit crabs of humanity, the middle classes. These upper-middle classes move into the shells of the rich and find them "classic", "charming", "elegant", "exclusive", etc.

But time goes on and lower and lower classes of hermit crabs move in until the luxurious homes of the urban rich are turned into tenaments for the working classes and then the un-working classes of unemployed poor and welfare cases.

It is at this stage, when the beautiful old houses of the rich are a couple of centuries out of date, that the miracle of gentrification occurs. First artists and then crazies of all kinds move into a neighbourhood, making it unlivable for he respectable poor and working classes. They create little dive bars, weird little shops, art collectives, etc.

In the second stage of renovation, the hipsters spot the growing art colony and move in to exploit it by renovating old buildings and bringing a wave of hipster joints and tony boutiques, shops and flight-by-night art galleries, bespoke used clothing stores, and restaurants, bars and theatres. Like the termite, the hipster digests and excretes the art and avant-garde living and thinking of labourious ant-like artists and actors and so forh, and use their waste products ("hipness") to build a community that bohemians and rich leftists can happily colonize. Once again the upper middle classes and lower upper classes can call the wonderful old high-ceilings and other quaint but luxerious appointments of the neighbourhood "home".

Finally, so much new and old money move into the community that even the well-to-do hipsters and artists are driven out to colonize a new dump, and the area because outrageously expensive and tony.

Naturally, nobody likes this process. It is a jungle, rich and beautiful but uncomfortable and terrying. The bulk of the middle classes and upper classes never take part in the renewal process, preferring to thunder across the suburban or exurban plains in great braying herds, but without the hipster, the cities which we all hate so much would die and stop subsidizing our cushy conservative or liberal lifestyles by paying three times the property taxes of a suburban homeowner per square foot, and by providing as externalities, all the wonderful goods, services, luxeries and entertainment that is only created in great cities.

So quit your kvetching and learn to love the hipster, annoying SOBs that they are.
2012-10-21 04:16:57 PM  
4 votes:
Detroit should start using eminent domain to seize property that has been abandoned and then give that property away to people who are willing to sign a contract saying that they will completely renovate said property. For property that the City cannot seize they should instead offer huge tax breaks to anyone willing to purchase property and renovate it. And if done correctly Detroit can lure in most of the hipsters from around the country!
2012-10-21 02:29:20 PM  
4 votes:

styckx: So it's safe now to buy a gentrified urban penthouse and walk the fine streets of Detroit wearing bright white iphone earbuds, a messenger bag while asking the natives where I can buy a pack of American Spirits?


Oh, hell no. If you do that, they'll find your body in a vacant lot or burned-out book warehouse, stripped bare and violated.

A lot of the hipsters who say they're in "Detroit" are actually in the suburbs around Detroit, and just visit the city center (the only decent place in the city) for trendy bullshiat, and so they can say they are from Detroit... Because that sounds lot more impressive than saying you're from Ferndale.

F♥ck Detroit. It sucks. It has always sucked, and it always will suck. If I ever go back, it will be because I was dragged there against my will. And honestly, if hipsters take the place over and the gangbangers go away, I think that's WORSE than just letting the place fall to crime. At least the criminals aren't pretentious douchebags.
2012-10-21 02:35:59 PM  
3 votes:
media.mlive.com
2012-10-21 05:02:28 PM  
2 votes:
Make sure to invite the ones from SF who are into gourmet grilled cheese before you wall them in.
2012-10-21 04:28:07 PM  
2 votes:

meyerkev: DrGunsforHands: Any chance that Grand Rapids will ever overtake Detroit? The amount of development in the city in the past decade has been absolutely staggering.

No.

Not because Detroit is the awesomes or anything, but because Detroit Metro is 40% of the state's population.


Yeah. I mean, if you way over-extrapolate some near-outlier data, then sure, GR might take over in a century or so. But realistically, Detroit and GR are both capped. GR's economy is hilariously not-diverse, and its growth has been almost 100% hospitals lately. Detroit, on the other hand, actually has decent businesses, so there are places for people to work. The problem is that the people qualified to work at those places all have the sense to not live IN Detroit, so the city itself suffers while the 'burbs do really well.

Sooner or later though, economics will win. As gas gets more expensive, and Detroit land gets cheaper and more empty, people will start moving back. I think we're starting to see the very first stirrings of this, and hopefully it will become a bit of a trend.

So my point is that GR is capped on how big it can get unless the city's economy suddenly diversifies overnight, and Detroit is capped on how low it can go before it gets so cheap that it starts to compete favorably with China as a center for manufacturing.
2012-10-21 03:08:46 PM  
2 votes:
Hipsters are the prefect solution for Detroit. None of them work, so the poor job market there is irrelevant.
2012-10-21 02:48:13 PM  
2 votes:
LOL almost nothing gets you grumpy old biatches blood all riled up like the word hipster.
2012-10-21 02:37:34 PM  
2 votes:
So Midtown and Corktown are rebounding? That's great for about 2,000 people. Meanwhile 700,000 people live in a city designed for two million and 40% plan to try leaving the city in the next few years because of rampant crime Link.

/tight jeans can't replace crumbling infrastructure
2012-10-21 02:18:36 PM  
2 votes:
Yeh sure Detroit's turning a corner again. I guess the path to success is a dodecahedron.

I love Detroit, but I've read at least 2 of these kinds of stories per year for the last decade.
2012-10-21 09:35:09 PM  
1 votes:

bel4sucks: LOL almost nothing gets you grumpy old biatches blood all riled up like the word hipster.


+1 for most observant truthful post in thread.
2012-10-21 07:46:02 PM  
1 votes:

Contents Under Pressure: I must be the only person on fark who doesn't have a problem with hipsters. They operate food trucks all over town here and the stuff they make is really tasty. They are youthful and have enough energy and money to fix up run down houses and condos. I run into hipster girls at knitting circles and they really take to it with a lot of enthusiasm and become quite good at it.

So, sorry. I'm just not finding room to work up a head of hate.

Carry on, then.


I call bullshiat.

Everybody knows that hipsters don't work. They don't operate anything more complex than a fixed-gear bike, they don't make anything at all (they buy it, and usually at tacky shops that charge too much for ugly things), and they contribute nothing of their own to society. All they are is sponges that absorb kitsch, trust funds, and PBR.
2012-10-21 05:28:14 PM  
1 votes:
And that's the beauty of it; in the wintertime, the hipsters will simply freeze to death.
2012-10-21 04:02:22 PM  
1 votes:

OscarTamerz: I for one applaud hipsters moving to Detroit. Short of marching them lockstep into a tree chipper I can't think of a more efficient way of ridding the earth of their douchebaggery. Better get some some fair trade carbon neutral locally produced 9 mms and kevlar ironic sweater vests brraaa. Oh yeah, let your next of kin know who has your last dental X-rays.


lohphat: bel4sucks: LOL almost nothing gets you grumpy old biatches blood all riled up like the word hipster marginally employable, ironic tatt and glasses and ugly sneaker wearing, beater bike riding, overgrown children.

FTFY


I can just imagine that one time, when you were a kid, when a horde of rampaging hipsters on bikes overran your neighborhood, stuffed you into a tight-fitting thrift store sweater-vest and forced your mom to drink a Pabst while you watched. Obviously the experience traumatized you for life and you haven't been able to mature past it and accept that other people like things you don't like.

/really doesn't get the deep-seated anti-hipster rage some other "overgrown children" have. Yeesh.
2012-10-21 03:59:31 PM  
1 votes:

DrGunsforHands: Any chance that Grand Rapids will ever overtake Detroit? The amount of development in the city in the past decade has been absolutely staggering.


No.

Not because Detroit is the awesomes or anything, but because Detroit Metro is 40% of the state's population.
2012-10-21 03:48:24 PM  
1 votes:

Sock Ruh Tease: [i.imgur.com image 481x359]


QUIT HITTING THE HIPSTER BUTTON YOU CHUCKLEFARK
2012-10-21 03:45:51 PM  
1 votes:

Mister Peejay: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: After the fifty-foot wall is built, fill it up with water. Michigan needs lakes.

Michigan needs lakes Detroit like FARK needs derp.


FTFY
2012-10-21 03:45:21 PM  
1 votes:

Misconduc: Buddy of mine is in 8mile Detroit, only white guy on his neighborhood, he cracks he lives in the safest place because nobody will bother him at all, then again he is the ONLY white person in his area, so naturally they only shoot any other white person that comes around that area.


there's hardly anyone left on 8 mile, anywhere.
2012-10-21 03:44:06 PM  
1 votes:

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: After the fifty-foot wall is built, fill it up with water. Michigan needs lakes.


Michigan needs lakes like FARK needs derp.
2012-10-21 03:35:49 PM  
1 votes:

Misconduc: Buddy of mine is in 8mile Detroit, only white guy on his neighborhood, he cracks he lives in the safest place because nobody will bother him at all, then again he is the ONLY white person in his area, so naturally they only shoot any other white person that comes around that area.


Whenever I'm in a New Orleans ghetto, no one farks with me. I get some funny looks for being a white boy strutting through a block party, but I guess people think that if I'm crazy enough to be there, I must be some kind of badass. Truth is, there's a kickass soul food joint down the street. They look at me funny there, too, but all the old black ladies call me "baby," as is customary down here.

/they also say I'm pretty fly for a white guy
2012-10-21 03:35:24 PM  
1 votes:
And nothing of value was lost. :)
2012-10-21 03:11:04 PM  
1 votes:

lohphat: bel4sucks: LOL almost nothing gets you grumpy old biatches blood all riled up like the word hipster marginally employable, ironic tatt and glasses and ugly sneaker wearing, beater bike riding, overgrown children.

FTFY


Yes, there really are people who would pass up hipsterdom in favor of festering anarchic shiatholes of crime where life is cheap as dirt. Most of them nurture fantasies of armed, gated "communities" where supply side Jesus rules and greasing wanna-be Trayvons will be as acceptable as raking the leaves.

These folks know they can keep their guns and their derp based politics in that world, whereas in hipster utopia they will be the scum washed off the pavement. That's scary shiat, folks...scary to them, and scary to the rest of us to know they think that way.
2012-10-21 03:07:33 PM  
1 votes:
"We've been losing talented folks for a long time....."

No, you lost your talented people over 20 years ago.
2012-10-21 03:04:42 PM  
1 votes:

bel4sucks: lohphat: FTFY

No you fixed it for yourself, dork. What I said didn't need any editing.


You're not creative, you're a barrista.
2012-10-21 02:55:27 PM  
1 votes:
Every time a bearded doosh from Livonia puts a "Made in Detroit" sticker on his compact import car, a clown loses the squeak in his shoes.
2012-10-21 02:54:02 PM  
1 votes:

bel4sucks: LOL almost nothing gets you grumpy old biatches blood all riled up like the word hipster marginally employable, ironic tatt and glasses and ugly sneaker wearing, beater bike riding, overgrown children.


FTFY
2012-10-21 02:52:18 PM  
1 votes:
FTFA: Midtown shows all the makings of a creative class hub, complete with hipsters hanging out at the Good Girls Go to Paris creperie, the Avalon International Breads bakery, and the N'Nmadi Center gallery, devoted to the rich tradition of African-American abstract art.

I may have to revise my previously hard line stance against the use of nuclear weapons.

/Have to be at the creperie in 26 minutes
2012-10-21 02:45:43 PM  
1 votes:
Aidan: Yeh sure Detroit's turning a corner again. I guess the path to success is a dodecahedron. I love Detroit, but I've read at least 2 of these kinds of stories per year for the last decade.

I agree with all of this except for the underlined part. Detroit is a festering suckhole of stupidity and a living monument to a lot of people who never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity. Anyone who thinks that this is going to change within our lifetimes is kidding themselves.
2012-10-21 02:38:09 PM  
1 votes:
cdn2.holytaco.com
2012-10-21 02:34:56 PM  
1 votes:

ZeroCorpse: styckx: So it's safe now to buy a gentrified urban penthouse and walk the fine streets of Detroit wearing bright white iphone earbuds, a messenger bag while asking the natives where I can buy a pack of American Spirits?

Oh, hell no. If you do that, they'll find your body in a vacant lot or burned-out book warehouse, stripped bare and violated.

A lot of the hipsters who say they're in "Detroit" are actually in the suburbs around Detroit, and just visit the city center (the only decent place in the city) for trendy bullshiat, and so they can say they are from Detroit... Because that sounds lot more impressive than saying you're from Ferndale.

F♥ck Detroit. It sucks. It has always sucked, and it always will suck. If I ever go back, it will be because I was dragged there against my will. And honestly, if hipsters take the place over and the gangbangers go away, I think that's WORSE than just letting the place fall to crime. At least the criminals aren't pretentious douchebags.


This you?
2012-10-21 02:32:40 PM  
1 votes:
Nuke it from orbit.
2012-10-21 02:20:02 PM  
1 votes:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net
2012-10-21 02:19:59 PM  
1 votes:
Why do hipsters move to Detroit?

Because they heard that there are no jobs in Detroit.
 
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