Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   Rules for life after 35. What the hell does #20 mean?   (cnn.com) divider line 216
    More: Advice, water balloon, moms  
•       •       •

34710 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Oct 2012 at 12:56 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



216 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-10-20 09:18:33 AM  
She likes oral sex?
 
2012-10-20 09:23:02 AM  
It was written by someone who is in her pre-cat lady phase. Ignore this list.

Notice how it has nothing like: develop skills, establish a career, wear sunscreen, exercise like it's your last game ever, you're never so rich that you can afford to buy junk, dress for the job you want to have, treat people you don't need like people you do, when in doubt -- remember that you will always lose an argument with physics. What was that nonsense about lilacs?
 
2012-10-20 09:25:02 AM  
I would love to see that list written by a man. There would be no references to avoiding baggy clothes or 'colors you love'. More like:
1. Marriage is like a cafeteria. You pick out something that looks good and you pay for it later.
 
2012-10-20 09:30:01 AM  
There are rules after #34?
 
2012-10-20 09:58:07 AM  

gaslight: It was written by someone who is in her pre-cat lady phase. Ignore this list.




There is no such thing as a pre-cat lady phase.

biatch has always been crazy. And worthless.
 
2012-10-20 10:31:26 AM  
I have now learned that water balloons and lilacs will cause me, in 6 years, to fall down in a shuddering fit of joy
 
2012-10-20 10:38:49 AM  
Someone got paid for that?
 
2012-10-20 11:03:14 AM  

sweetmelissa31: I have now learned that water balloons and lilacs will cause me, in 6 years, to fall down in a shuddering fit of joy


At 39, I can say, in all honesty, meh.
 
2012-10-20 11:12:35 AM  
FTA: 21. The five-second food-on-the-floor rule is really the 30-second food-on-the-floor rule. Except in houses with dogs.

I thought this was debunked? I swear I just read that yesterday.
 
2012-10-20 12:03:19 PM  
It means if you read it and didn't understand it you are still a virgin.

orangecow.org
 
2012-10-20 12:06:47 PM  
If you still have rules for men like that at age 35, it might go a long way towards explaining why you're still looking for a man, and needed to buy donuts for your divorce lawyer.
 
2012-10-20 12:07:02 PM  
Wow that was vapid and worthless, my wife read three of these and wanted to slap this biatch for how it reflects on women in her age group.
 
2012-10-20 12:22:05 PM  

gaslight: It was written by someone who is in her pre-cat lady phase. Ignore this list.

Notice how it has nothing like: develop skills, establish a career, wear sunscreen, exercise like it's your last game ever, you're never so rich that you can afford to buy junk, dress for the job you want to have, treat people you don't need like people you do, when in doubt -- remember that you will always lose an argument with physics. What was that nonsense about lilacs?


You should be writing that article! Among your list I would add don't mix religion and politics with friends and family. How about preparing for retirement or making a goal plan for 50.. I imagine this was written for the McDonald masses.
 
2012-10-20 12:22:43 PM  
2. Always give money to the girl with the violin or the guy with the guitar. 

imageshack.us
 
2012-10-20 12:29:34 PM  
29. If you're reading any of that and taking it seriously, farking kill yourself. Or find someone as equally pathetic.
 
2012-10-20 12:29:49 PM  
gaslight's list is worth paying attention to. This one? Not so much.

26. You do not like fried clams or salt water taffy. You like the romance of the boardwalk. You don't have to eat food that will make you feel ill on the roller coaster just to revel in the seaside atmosphere.

fark you, biatch. I love fried clams. It has nothing to do with the boardwalk.
 
2012-10-20 12:59:08 PM  
Author of TFA seems concerned.
 
2012-10-20 01:00:49 PM  
oprah.com -- that was all I needed to read.
 
2012-10-20 01:01:40 PM  

raerae1980: FTA: 21. The five-second food-on-the-floor rule is really the 30-second food-on-the-floor rule. Except in houses with dogs.

I thought this was debunked? I swear I just read that yesterday.


It is. She's being cutesy.
 
2012-10-20 01:01:42 PM  

jasonvatch: She likes oral sex?


Yeah. Pretty sure she's talking about putting in some face-time downstairs.
 
2012-10-20 01:01:48 PM  
I do not like doughnuts. Not at all.
 
2012-10-20 01:02:15 PM  
What the hell did I just read?
 
2012-10-20 01:02:17 PM  
8. When you see someone you know but don't feel like talking to them, don't look at the grass in the park or study a jar of mayonnaise on the supermarket shelf and pretend you don't see them. They know you're faking, and they'll remember.

Good. That's the point. Next time they see me, they won't attempt any conversation.
 
2012-10-20 01:03:44 PM  
Farking Baptists . . .
 
2012-10-20 01:04:22 PM  
I knew better than to click. I knew better than to read. But I did. And now both of my testicles are missing. I checked my wife's purse but they weren't there either! And why are my pecs suddenly tender?
 
2012-10-20 01:05:01 PM  
9. There are only three real answers: yes, no and yes but later.

Also talking about oral sex.
 
2012-10-20 01:05:06 PM  

DubyaHater: Good. That's the point. Next time they see me, they won't attempt any conversation.


Yeah, wouldn't want to come right out and tell someone you don't want to talk to them. Best to just act like an oblivious dick.
 
2012-10-20 01:05:25 PM  
Half your age plus seven is the only rule.
 
2012-10-20 01:05:34 PM  

andyofne: oprah.com -- that was all I needed to read.


Saw that and clicked right off.
 
2012-10-20 01:06:07 PM  
I have read some retarded garbage on the internets in my time, but that stands at the top of the heap. Puke.
 
2012-10-20 01:06:12 PM  
Awful, though probably a good list for the caturday crowd.
 
2012-10-20 01:07:23 PM  

syrynxx: I would love to see that list written by a man.


1. Do what makes you feel good.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
27.
28.
29.
30.
31.
32.
33.
34.
35.


Am I doing it right?
/still working on number 1.
 
2012-10-20 01:08:15 PM  
After reading #19 I pity the friends who get stuck helping her move.

/friends help you move, real friends help you move books
 
2012-10-20 01:08:30 PM  
I know it's cliche, but the author needs to adjust her meds.
 
2012-10-20 01:08:35 PM  
For #17, I think she's referring to swimming. Some people swim the breast stroke but keep their heads above water. Usually it's because they don't want to get their hair wet or they are afraid of the water. I have to agree that it'd be pathetic for a man to do that. It's certainly not something that should be in a list like this, though.

Or maybe it does, because the list is stupid.
 
2012-10-20 01:09:10 PM  

Mugato: 29. If you're reading any of that and taking it seriously, farking kill yourself. Or find someone as equally pathetic.


30. Get drunk
31. Stay drunk
32. Watch porn. Whatever kind floats your boat, but watch it.
33. Bacon makes everything better.
 
2012-10-20 01:09:23 PM  
dl.dropbox.com

/Although whoever made this forgot that male lions have a mane.
 
2012-10-20 01:10:28 PM  
I have one rule for men after 35: be honest, especially with yourself.

My one rule for women after 35...for every lie give a beej.
 
2012-10-20 01:11:04 PM  
The only guys who won't go under water have gelled and frosted tips.

/direct flights are worth about $150, per my calculations
 
2012-10-20 01:11:58 PM  
It makes sense if "water" means vajayjay.

/Or it makes female sense if you read "face" as "toe".
 
2012-10-20 01:12:05 PM  
that list was bad, and you should feel bad, tardmitter.
 
2012-10-20 01:12:43 PM  
Men's rules after 35:
1. If you have never been married, good for you!
2. Cleaning up is only for when you are tired of the mess or when other people are coming over.
3. The smell test is effective, but watch for wrinkles and curry stains.
4. If you live alone, get rid of non-essential dishes and use disposables.
5. Stay away from all contracts [phone, health club, TV, Internet, marriage] because you will want to get out of them and it will cost you.
6. In the house, hunt down bugs and bad smells as if your life depends on it.
7. Never feel guilty for video game time.
8. Stay away from crazy people, you cannot help them.
9. Take care of your liver, milk thistle helps.
10. drink lots of water every day.
11. On job interviews, talk about aspects of the job you truly love, people will like your passion.
 
2012-10-20 01:13:18 PM  

iron_city_ap: Mugato: 29. If you're reading any of that and taking it seriously, farking kill yourself. Or find someone as equally pathetic.

30. Get drunk
31. Stay drunk
32. Watch porn. Whatever kind floats your boat, but watch it.
33. Bacon makes everything better.


34. Avoid women who make greeting-card lists about how other people should live their lives
35. See #34
 
2012-10-20 01:14:01 PM  

BullBearMS: [dl.dropbox.com image 498x550]

/Although whoever made this forgot that male lions have a mane.


That she-lion is more of a man than I'll ever be though. I can see it in her eyes.
 
2012-10-20 01:14:31 PM  

wyltoknow: DubyaHater: Good. That's the point. Next time they see me, they won't attempt any conversation.

Yeah, wouldn't want to come right out and tell someone you don't want to talk to them. Best to just act like an oblivious dick.


"Oh, it's you. I don't want to talk to you. Bye."

Hmmmmm...no, I think I'd rather just ignore the person. It's a lot less awkward.
 
2012-10-20 01:15:13 PM  
We're also afflicted with the Oprah cult here.
It's a mental cancer.
 
2012-10-20 01:15:33 PM  
I think it's a metaphor for giving 100% on something, or full committal.

I think this chick is 35 and single. Likely because she keeps writing such lists, and also because she has the vanity to believe what she writes.
 
2012-10-20 01:15:41 PM  

Atomic Spunk: wyltoknow: DubyaHater: Good. That's the point. Next time they see me, they won't attempt any conversation.

Yeah, wouldn't want to come right out and tell someone you don't want to talk to them. Best to just act like an oblivious dick.

"Oh, it's you. I don't want to talk to you. Bye."

Hmmmmm...no, I think I'd rather just ignore the person. It's a lot less awkward.


It gets less awkward the more people you tell off. Eventually they give up and you're finally left alone to your peace. At least in my experience.
 
2012-10-20 01:16:43 PM  

gaslight: It was written by someone who is in her pre-cat lady phase. Ignore this list.

Notice how it has nothing like: develop skills, establish a career, wear sunscreen, exercise like it's your last game ever, you're never so rich that you can afford to buy junk, dress for the job you want to have, treat people you don't need like people you do, when in doubt -- remember that you will always lose an argument with physics. What was that nonsense about lilacs?


Leaving this thread because THIS, nothing more needs to be said.
 
2012-10-20 01:18:24 PM  
Wow. That was astonishingly lame, even for Oprah.com. And an embarrassment to women.

My rules:
1. Always wear sunscreen (had this one before it was in that column)
2. Volunteer for a cause you believe in.
3. Don't be selfish
4. Don't keep score (in relationships, platonic or romantic)
5. Have fun.
 
Displayed 50 of 216 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report