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(CorporateMofo)   The top 25 albums that should never have been recorded   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
•       •       •

50856 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Dec 2003 at 4:46 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2003-12-01 05:48:57 PM  
FalloutBoy, seeing Manowar in your list made me :(
2003-12-01 05:49:25 PM  
What?! Where's the BULLETBOYS?! Smooth up in ya!
2003-12-01 05:49:54 PM  
album purchase: Private Eyes by Hall & Oats.

Older bro saved me w/ Abbey Road for Xmas.
2003-12-01 05:49:56 PM  
2003-12-01 05:11:58 PM DibbLe

Radiohead - Pablo Honey

i know this didnt get counted on the list because it was only their first full length and they can still blame it on not knowing wtf they were doing then, but this will always be the only blemish on radiohead's record...

its downright amazing that they were able to follow it with the bends, one of the best albums of the 90s, and avoid being just another one hit wonder

the best example of how bad pablo honey was:
"grow my hair, i wanna be WANNA BE WANNA BE JIM MORRISON"

YOU got to be kidding me? That was the ONLY album they had that was worth listening too.. The guitar work alone was amazing, then go to off on this OK I SUCK COMPUTER music and will go down as the biggest fruit loops this world has ever seen.
2003-12-01 05:50:12 PM  


Walter Becker, 11 Tracks of Whack: OK, so it's not brilliant by any stretch of the imagination, but some tracks do work; Down in the Bottom, Surf, and/or Die and Hat too Flat all grew on me after awhile. Yes, it is good that us 'Danfans' can rejoice in Steely Dan's revival, but it is also true that Donald Fagen produced Walter's Album.

Come one, that album caused me actual pain. I wanted to like it. I grew up with Steely Dan. But even with Fagen producing it blew chunks.

And this is coming from someone who will admit to liking Kamakiriad!

2003-12-01 05:50:15 PM  
2003-12-01 05:46:47 PM JimmyThrash
they could have made this list shorter by saying "ALL CONCEPT ALBUMS"

were any good? "The Wall" is a classic, but I have failed to find any other good concept record.

Well, "The Wall" is more of a plot album, like "The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway", than a concept album. "Tales From Topographic Oceans" was a concept album.

I'm nitpicking, I know...
2003-12-01 05:51:15 PM  
Chris Gaines rocks.
He farks me in the ass with his smooth grooves.
All you posers can shove it.
2003-12-01 05:51:38 PM  

If you mention BulletBoys, how about a nod to Faster PussyCat, as well? I've had records from each at one time or another. Embarrasing.
2003-12-01 05:51:47 PM  
I was going to add to this thread by saying I agree with them all except Be Here Now, which is actually a very very good album.

And then I see four posts in rbaron71 already covered that.
2003-12-01 05:52:14 PM  
Sorry Barbwiremike but it made me laugh as disturbing as it is.
2003-12-01 05:53:11 PM  
How Phil Collins can drum like god when in BRAND X while using drum machines in his own records, I will NEVER understand. If that ain't selling out, nothing is. And his drumming in the big band, last time on the road, was pretty inspiring.
2003-12-01 05:53:27 PM  

People are assclowns that know nothing of music for panning music manufactured for a moive? People are morons for panning the soundtrack to said nonexistent movie? Soundtracks to existent movies are usually bad enough.

- Generacy
2003-12-01 05:53:33 PM  
2003-12-01 05:50:12 PM AbbyNormal
I grew up with Steely Dan.

Did everyone stop to stare at your technicolor motor home?
2003-12-01 05:53:34 PM  
Pink Floyd - The Final Cut - Worst Letdown Ever
2003-12-01 05:53:57 PM  

no, me and my wife think "Outside" is a great album actually.
2003-12-01 05:55:07 PM  
How is that possiable? Did your parents keep you locked in a closet and feed you fish heads?
Um... no...

And no one has explained who he is yet. Some awful singer who decided to do a voice for a video game?
2003-12-01 05:55:09 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-12-01 05:55:46 PM  

but I have failed to find any other good concept record.

I suggest, The Shaming of the True, by Kevin Gilbert.[image from too old to be available]

Sadly unfinshed, this is one of the strongest concept albums ever.

2003-12-01 05:56:01 PM  
Ok, let me try:

[image from too old to be available]

Absolutely unlistenable. Being a good sport I gave it a couple of tries, but since there is no rhythm and very little melody, it is very, very hard to appreciate this "music"
2003-12-01 05:56:40 PM  
Leonard Nimoy is not fit to possess vocal cords.
2003-12-01 05:56:41 PM  
I saw Chris Gaines and Billy Shears get into a drunken brawl in Meridian Mississippi last spring. That Gaines is a dirty fighter.
2003-12-01 05:57:50 PM  
All right, I've had enough. The troll barbarians can have this thread...

I love how people hate something if it's enjoyed any measure of popularity...

Suffice it to say, I'd take "Brain Salad Surgery" over any Britney or Christina album...
2003-12-01 05:57:51 PM  
If when you say cynic you mean a self absorbed megalomaniac who can only think of new ways to force "The Wall" down the public's throat.
2003-12-01 05:58:19 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

2003-12-01 05:59:51 PM  
Oh God, why did you remind me of that one?! Also where's the Brintey Fox or Vixen shiat!!
Man I hate to say it but I actually used to love "The Final Cut" back in the woe- is- me teenage years! Still like The Gunner's Dream and a couple of other tracks, but overall just too-damn-depressing!
2003-12-01 05:59:52 PM  
Chris Gaines used to give out oily handjobs after shows at the Chunky Monkey in Oklahoma City.
This is a documented fact.
2003-12-01 05:59:59 PM  

Uhhh, do you even know what Autechre/IDM is about?
2003-12-01 06:00:15 PM  
The remastered versions of Ozzy's Blizzard of Oz and Diary of a Madman. The original bass and drums recorded by Bob Daisley and Lee Kerslake were replaced with newly recorded bass and drums by current members of Ozzy's band. Two metal masterpieces destroyed by that biatch Sharon Osbourne.
2003-12-01 06:01:42 PM  
Vitalogy was Pearl Jam's last good album. They had two great post-Vitalogy singles, though. "Last Kiss" and "Do the Evolution". "Do the Evolution" was really awesome in the context of the video that Todd McFarlane animated for it. "Last Kiss" was a fun and interesting novelty (Pearl Jam covering a '50s teenage death pop song).

I'd also like to say "Fark you!" to the lamearse troll who said that Sonic Youth's entire discography should never have been made. Sure, I'd admit that Sonic Youth doesn't have the same sort of guitar virtuoso prowess as Eddie Van Halen or Joe Satriani, but that's not the point. They were the first band to find the happy medium between avant garde noise and traditional rock music. Sure, they're noisy and unaccessible to the average, boring (and stupid, uncool, dumbass) music listener, but they're not as extreme as Metal Machine Music. Eh, you probably don't get it because you're not cool and indie, and you don't prize unpretentious amateurism like all the cool music listeners.

I have to admit that Sonic Youth's last couple of albums aren't that good, though.
2003-12-01 06:02:48 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

/off having dry heaves
2003-12-01 06:02:51 PM  

Won't fault you for liking Kamakiriad, I happen to have completely laser-eroded my CD copy of it. But I won't fault you either for hating 11 tracks.

Now speaking of Two Against Nature or Everything Must Go....

I appreciate Two Against Nature more, but both are good.

/must remember to play The Nightfly or Can't Buy A Thrill later tonight.
2003-12-01 06:02:56 PM  
If you all wait just a few months, WASP is releasing a two part concept album.

Then we can all agree on the album that should never have been released.
2003-12-01 06:03:36 PM  

Did everyone stop to stare at your technicolor motor home?

Hey! We had a van! Not a moblie home! And we had 8 tack AND Casette!

Yeah, my parents were freaks, they liked Devo too. I narrowly escaped being named after the Apollo Lunar Module (Dad loved Nasa).

My childhood was not dull.

2003-12-01 06:05:19 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

I was 10.
2003-12-01 06:06:07 PM  
Hey! I liked Alphaville.
2003-12-01 06:06:17 PM  
Necco - I am pretty sure I do, having heard most of the Warp catalog, but the newer Autechre is just too much for me.
2003-12-01 06:06:22 PM  
Pri-i-vate eyes
(clap clap)
they're watching you
(clap clap)
they see your
Ev-Ree Move.

2003-12-01 06:07:36 PM  

Yes, Kevin Gilbert's Shaming Of The True, is one hell of a album... (The top of my personal list) And you are right, sadly unfinished by Kevin, but taken to completion as well as it could have been by his friends.

2003-12-01 06:08:34 PM  

Chris Gaines used to give out oily handjobs after shows at the Chunky Monkey in Oklahoma City.
This is a documented fact.

Ol' "Glory Hole" Gaines? He only switched to hand jobs when the dry cleaning bills for his rug got too high...
2003-12-01 06:09:47 PM  
Metal Machine Music rules!

I've listened to the whole thing, too. All 64 minutes.



*falls over*
2003-12-01 06:09:54 PM  
Lew_Stool - I have a copy of that disc with different cover art. I still listen to it at least once a year; if you need a good cheering up, that's the album for you.
2003-12-01 06:10:09 PM  

Now speaking of Two Against Nature or Everything Must Go....

I appreciate Two Against Nature more, but both are good.

I will agree, Two Against Nature is the stronger of the two. Still not as good as their early stuff, but it's still great to have them back.

2003-12-01 06:12:37 PM  

I can't believe this guy panned Tarkus, man. That's just farking unforgivable. Even if the title track was pretentious, "Jeremy Bender" should have gotten props.

As for albums that shouldn't have been made... hmmm...

How about...

Helloween: Pink Bubbles Go ApeMotley Crue: Motley CrueBlue Oyster Cult: Mirrors
2003-12-01 06:13:01 PM  
I liked Neil Young's TRANS since it was sort of a nearly note-for-note
ripoff of Kraftwerk's "Computer World" (seriously, listen to "Computer
Age" back to back with the "Computer World" theme and it's nearly the
same melody. In fact, I think "Trans" and "Computer World" make great
companion albums because they have the same feel and the same type
of synth sounds (although Neil did Trans on a big Synclavier II system
with a couple of vocoders and Kraftwerk were mainly using Prophet 5
synths with homebuilt percussion and some other synths ala Minimoog
I believe).

The non-TRANS-ified tunes on that CD are great - "Like an Inca" has a
very sinuous guitar solo for Neil, almost Santana-Esque. The CD says
it's like eight minutes long but it's very, very wrong since the song goes
on for several minutes longer.

That being said, I enjoyed "Scenes from a Memory" by Dream Theater.

But of all the stuff here, I doubt any* of you would be able to deal with
music by JANDEK or the SHAGGS.

In fact, track some down. I dare you to listen to the CD "Blue Corpse"
by Jandek or "My Pal Foot Foot" by the Shaggs. You couldn't handle it.
2003-12-01 06:13:20 PM  

Just keep this in mind, whenever you're having a discussion about music:

"People who like less popular music than yours are pretentious poseurs. People who like more popular music than yours are brainwashed marketing slaves. People who like music different from yours, but similarly popular, are pretentious brainwashed marketing-slave poseurs. When in doubt, people who like music other than yours just don't know any better." - Brunching Shuttlecocks

That's usually how all music related discussions end.

- Generacy
2003-12-01 06:13:38 PM  
I find myself gravitating back towards The Royal Scam and Gaucho when I need a good Danfix.

But yes, the new releases are good.
2003-12-01 06:14:24 PM  
And now an actual listing of albums that shouldn't have been released (in no particular order):

1. Sonic Youth "NYC Ghosts and Flowers"
2. Ministry "Filth Pig"
3. Anything Radiohead did after "OK Computer"
4. Pavement "Wowee Zowee" (and anything else after it)
5. Nirvana "Nirvana" (I love Nirvana, but "You Know You're Right" just sucked. It sounded too much like Alice In Chains.)
6. Any emo album ever made.
7. Cornershop "Handcream For a Generation"
8. The last few Iggy Pop albums.
9. Violent Femmes "3"
10. Anything Suicidal Tendencies did after their first album.

That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure I could come up with more if I really wanted to.
2003-12-01 06:14:43 PM  
I find myself gravitating back towards The Royal Scam and Gaucho when I need a good Danfix.

But yes, the new releases are good.
2003-12-01 06:14:53 PM  

shadowtlk: Gilbert fans are rare, which is sad. They guy was an amazing talent, and often ahead of his time.

Funny how close you and I almost came to having the same bio, but I decided to go with Revco instead. Yes, I have the worlds weirdest taste in music.

2003-12-01 06:15:23 PM  
From Corporate Mofo, Regarding Metallica:Sorry to say it, folks, but it looks like Cliff Burton turned out to be the luckiest one of the bunch.

Ouch. Seriously. Ouch.

Low, but I am laughing my ass off.

Oddly enough, I thought Load was an ok Metallica album (Reload blew). St. Anger was a cry for attention, though. They didn't just jump the shark. They jumped the entire aquarium.
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