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(The Consumerist)   Girl attempts to pick up a waiter at T.G.I. Friday's with the classiest written pick-up line ever   (consumerist.com) divider line 60
    More: Fail, T.G.I. Friday's, T.G.I.  
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11568 clicks; posted to Business » on 19 Oct 2012 at 8:35 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-19 08:38:37 AM
Girl indeed. She has the penmanship of a small child.
 
2012-10-19 08:39:47 AM
I love to hear you oralize,
while I'm between your thighs.
You blow me away!
 
2012-10-19 08:46:11 AM
Um, women don't need to have good pick up lines.

Woman: "Would you like to hump like two things humping that like to hump?"

Man: "Yes. Yes, I would like that."
 
2012-10-19 08:48:22 AM
Hey you don't know, maybe she just misspelled "facade"; she's looking for some work hanging vinyl siding!
 
2012-10-19 08:49:22 AM
I used to get notes like that all the time when I was a server. I was always far more interested in the tip.
 
2012-10-19 08:49:44 AM
Classy? "Oy, getcher arse over here and stick yer gristle in me shiatter!"
 
2012-10-19 09:04:51 AM

Confabulat: I used to get notes like that all the time when I was a server. I was always far more interested in the tip.


/that drum roll and snare thing
 
2012-10-19 09:10:59 AM
I am reminded of the infamous "friendship note" from foundmagazine.com where the writer insists she wants to remain friends and only friends, but it ends with "I would like to feel you inside of me". Can anyone find that? My google-fu at work is limited. (Bonus: she spells "our" as "ower".)
 
2012-10-19 09:12:33 AM

OtherBrotherDarryl: Um, women don't need to have good pick up lines.

Woman: "Would you like to hump like two things humping that like to hump?"

Man: "Yes. Yes, I would like that."


Fixed for brevity.
 
2012-10-19 09:12:51 AM

Confabulat: I used to get notes like that all the time when I was a server. I was always far more interested in the tip.


And that's okay!
 
2012-10-19 09:27:58 AM
♫ I got one leg on my shoulder...

Two legs on my shoulders...

bghrhhghrhghhgs. ♫
 
2012-10-19 09:28:03 AM

Confabulat: I used to get notes like that all the time when I was a server. I was always far more interested in the tip.


Unintended humor here?
 
2012-10-19 09:31:59 AM
Well, at least she didn't write "here's my number, so call me maybe".
 
2012-10-19 09:32:41 AM

Tr0mBoNe: I love to hear you oralize,
while I'm between your thighs.
You blow me away!


Came here for this, leaving happy.
 
2012-10-19 09:44:00 AM

Confabulat: I used to get notes like that all the time when I was a server. I was always far more interested in the tip.


Oh I bet you are.
 
2012-10-19 10:09:12 AM

Confabulat: I used to get notes like that all the time when I was a server. I was always far more interested in the tip.


Just to see how it feels?
 
2012-10-19 10:11:05 AM

recoil47: Confabulat: I used to get notes like that all the time when I was a server. I was always far more interested in the tip.

Just to see how it feels?


Feelsgoodman.jpg
 
2012-10-19 10:22:40 AM
She can only hope he's a cunning linguist.
 
2012-10-19 10:37:08 AM
Will there be hot goose fat involved?

xfinity.comcast.net
 
2012-10-19 10:37:48 AM

Confabulat: I used to get notes like that all the time when I was a server. I was always far more interested in the tip.


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-10-19 10:37:48 AM
so, I see you ordered the colonel angus steak.
 
2012-10-19 11:07:20 AM
Are sure it was a chick that wrote the note?
 
2012-10-19 11:11:48 AM
I was never a waiter, but if that happened to me I think my brain would short circuit. She would have so much of my face on her she'd end up bow-legged.

/Giddyup!
 
2012-10-19 11:15:20 AM
Of course, no phone number, no nothing. A picture would be nice but let's be honest here, there's about a 95% chance that I'd be happy to oblige her until my tongue falls off.
 
2012-10-19 11:18:08 AM
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com
 
2012-10-19 11:30:32 AM

meanmutton: Of course, no phone number, no nothing. A picture would be nice but let's be honest here, there's about a 95% chance that I'd be happy to oblige her until my tongue falls off.


It's probably fake. Some redditor trying to look like he's so awesome, women are throwing themselves at him.
 
2012-10-19 11:39:56 AM

meanmutton: Of course, no phone number, no nothing. A picture would be nice but let's be honest here, there's about a 95% chance that I'd be happy to oblige her until my tongue falls off.


Sexually-aggressive women automatically get a +1.5 point bonus to their attractiveness level. A full +2 if it's within 15 minutes of last call.
 
2012-10-19 11:41:17 AM

meanmutton: Of course, no phone number, no nothing. A picture would be nice but let's be honest here, there's about a 95% chance that I'd be happy to oblige her until my tongue falls off.


Idk we really need to see a picture. I waited tables in college at a TGIF like restaurant and let's just say the sort of female who eats at TGIF and writes a note like that isn't the sort you'd want sitting on your face.

/the drunk college girls spending $9 bucks on watered down drinks were much more subtle
//it was always the much scarier biker chicks who say stuff like this
 
2012-10-19 11:58:40 AM
Ew. I wonder if there's a way to get her 86'd from there for that.
 
2012-10-19 12:12:57 PM
Some girl finds him attractive when he's serving tables at a TGI Fridays? Could be worth following on.
 
2012-10-19 12:14:37 PM
Man: Let's play carnival.
Woman: What's that?
Man: You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
 
2012-10-19 12:18:27 PM
Years ago when I was single, I tried to pick up a waitress with something like that.
It was at an East Side Mario's. When I paid, I handed her my business card with a line I had written on the back: "badda boom badda bing, give me a ring".

A friend of mine went to the bathroom and overheard her telling her coworkers and they actually thought it was clever. But still, never heard from her.

/still tipped well

Zappagirl: Girl indeed. She has the penmanship of a small child.


Also; this.
 
2012-10-19 12:20:26 PM

Ring of Fire: Man: Let's play carnival.
Woman: What's that?
Man: You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.


Then she can show him what his Special Purpose is for.
 
2012-10-19 12:35:04 PM

Zappagirl: Girl indeed. She has the penmanship of a small child.


Yep, the same small child who submits all of these fake annotated receipts to sites like Consumerist.
 
2012-10-19 12:40:02 PM

BarkingUnicorn: Zappagirl: Girl indeed. She has the penmanship of a small child.

Yep, the same small child who submits all of these fake annotated receipts to sites like Consumerist.


It's still real to me dammit.
 
2012-10-19 12:46:54 PM
The waiter in question...

www.luminomagazine.com
 
2012-10-19 01:03:17 PM
If the guy was smart, he'd think outside the box (heh heh). He already has her credit card number. Take her home, service her, and then a month later when she comes back and asks "what's this $3,000 charge on my card?" he can then let her know he moonlights as a $3k a night gigalo.
 
2012-10-19 01:35:43 PM
msnbcmedia.msn.com

Hey, I know we just met and this is crazy, but I want to ride your face, so call me, maybe? 
 
2012-10-19 02:08:34 PM

HempHead: Are sure it was a chick that wrote the note?


zipmeme.com
 
2012-10-19 02:09:18 PM

Toquinha: Tr0mBoNe: I love to hear you oralize,
while I'm between your thighs.
You blow me away!

Came here for this, leaving happy.


I always thought it was moralize.
 
2012-10-19 02:32:27 PM
Celebrities pick up redditors on Twitter: www.jonegarrett.com
 
2012-10-19 02:49:00 PM
I like her. She's got flair.
 
2012-10-19 03:17:01 PM

KellyX: [msnbcmedia.msn.com image 380x284]

Hey, I know we just met and this is crazy, but I want to ride your face, so call me, maybe?


This was the first thought that popped into my head after reading the note, but I was too embarrassed to admit it, so I have 2 responses for you:

1. Get out of my head, I have enough trouble finding shiat in there without someone else messing up the place.

2. You think like me, but with less shame. I like that about you, keep it up.
 
2012-10-19 03:40:52 PM

streetzed: Celebrities pick up redditors on Twitter: [www.jonegarrett.com image 783x868]


i don't get it.
 
2012-10-19 03:49:31 PM

streetzed: Celebrities pick up redditors on Twitter: [www.jonegarrett.com image 783x868]


Who is Page Kennedy and why is this amusing?
 
2012-10-19 03:55:10 PM

OtherBrotherDarryl: Um, women don't need to have good pick up lines.

Woman: "Would you like to hump like two things humping that like to hump?"

Man: "Yes. Yes, I would like that."


If we have no preferences, yes, this may be true. On the other hand, some of us have preferences. You have long dark hair and a snarky sense of humor and I can talk to you about books? Why, hello.... On the other hand, I may not be to their preference, so a funny pick up line can at least get a lad's attention.

I was once coming out of a subway station and saw a guy I'd had a thing for years ago walking in. I turned around, bought another ticket, and went in after him to say hello. The guard had to let me out because the subway station ticket reader didn't understand why I was using a just bought ticket to exit the station.

The guard said "I hope it was worth it." So I grinned and held up the number I'd just gotten. "Yup."

/married now, though
//you kids go have fun for me
 
2012-10-19 04:37:32 PM
Page Kennedy is U-Turn from Weeds. It may or may not be more amusing in context. Scroll to near the bottom for quickness:
 
2012-10-19 05:36:10 PM
Years ago when I was waiting tables at a restaurant in a large mall, an attractive regular female customer who worked nearby left me a similar message, after weeks of obvious flirting on her part.

Her message said M.L.T.M.M., along with a picture she drew of some pouty lips. I tried to figure it out, and even asked some of my female co-workers, but no one had a clue. The next time she came in, I asked her what it meant.

Make. Love. To. My. Mouth.

I was 19, and still quite clueless about aggressive women, so yeah, I just about lost it right there.

Turns out, I might as well have done just that, because once we hooked up at her place, I learned a VERY valuable lesson about slutty women, push up bras, stretch marks, the skillful application of makeup, and just exactly what a C-section scar looks like up close. Add to the that the smelly pig sty apartment, screaming infant, and general lack of basic hygiene, and I'm not ashamed to admit I ran like hell.

Come to find out, I wasn't the least bit special, except for the fact that I was one of a very select few young guys in the mall who HADN'T farked this festering STD psycho hose beast.

Not at all a CSB
 
2012-10-19 05:49:49 PM
As with almost everything on posted Reddit, this is fake.
 
kab
2012-10-19 06:17:23 PM

hugram: ♫ I got one leg on my shoulder...

Two legs on my shoulders...

bghrhhghrhghhgs. ♫



Bravo!!
 
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