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(Slate)   Woman's snowflake breaks her arm on the monkey bars. Naturally this means we should ban them everywhere   (slate.com) divider line 314
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18987 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Oct 2012 at 5:29 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-15 02:31:26 PM  
I was never big on monkey bars (at our school the 5th grade boys used them to stage fights where you kicked the other dangling kid until he fell off), so what exactly about them is so dangerous? Kid misses a bar and falls, ok, but you'd land on your feet or bum no?
 
2012-10-15 02:38:17 PM  
I remember when our neighborhood slide was 13 feet tall, made of steel, and was directly above concrete. If you didn't fall and crack your head open, you got burned by the metal on the way down. And that's the way it should be, by God!
 
2012-10-15 02:38:53 PM  
Woman's snowflake potato breaks her arm on the monkey bars. Naturally this means we should ban them everywhere
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2012-10-15 02:39:00 PM  

Andromeda: I was never big on monkey bars (at our school the 5th grade boys used them to stage fights where you kicked the other dangling kid until he fell off), so what exactly about them is so dangerous? Kid misses a bar and falls, ok, but you'd land on your feet or bum no?


It's a fact that they are dangerous, that's why you don't see them much any more in neighborhood playgrounds. Too many towns and homeowners groups sued for injuries?
 
2012-10-15 02:41:54 PM  
I was amazed the author was able to maintain his smug sense of superiority over, as he calls them "Those Kinds Of Parents" while being one of them.
 
2012-10-15 02:42:17 PM  
200,000 hospital admissions per year? I enjoyed them a lot myself when I was a kid too, (okay, yes, also did have to go to hospital with broken shoulder and a busted tooth)

I guess as long as you understand the cost when you put one in. Any time you google a common consumer product, and the only results that come up are personal injury lawyers, that might be a little red flag to me.
 
2012-10-15 02:43:11 PM  
They took them out at my elementary school after a dozen or so broken arms. I was one of those... slipped off doing the same thing I'd done a hundred times before and cracked my shoulder.
 
2012-10-15 02:47:09 PM  
Broken arms build character.
 
2012-10-15 02:48:51 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I remember when our neighborhood slide was 13 feet tall, made of steel, and was directly above concrete. If you didn't fall and crack your head open, you got burned by the metal on the way down. And that's the way it should be, by God!


QFT.

Nobody ever got a broken arm or anything under the monkey bars at my childhood playground, but then, we actually used this crazxy semi-pliant loose material called "sand" underneath our monkey bars so a fall resulted in a fairly unpleasant but not damaging squishy collision with the ground.

Now with the damn rubber material or those little rocks they use, yeah no wonder fractures have gone up. I am honestly kind of confused what led to the demise of sand at the playground anyway. Did these parents shove it all in their vaginas or something?
 
2012-10-15 02:51:27 PM  

Andromeda: I was never big on monkey bars (at our school the 5th grade boys used them to stage fights where you kicked the other dangling kid until he fell off), so what exactly about them is so dangerous? Kid misses a bar and falls, ok, but you'd land on your feet or bum no?


Actually, landing on your feet body probably wouldn't be too bad - it's the trying to catch yourself that probably hurts...
 
2012-10-15 02:56:23 PM  

Elandriel: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I remember when our neighborhood slide was 13 feet tall, made of steel, and was directly above concrete. If you didn't fall and crack your head open, you got burned by the metal on the way down. And that's the way it should be, by God!

QFT.

Nobody ever got a broken arm or anything under the monkey bars at my childhood playground, but then, we actually used this crazxy semi-pliant loose material called "sand" underneath our monkey bars so a fall resulted in a fairly unpleasant but not damaging squishy collision with the ground.

Now with the damn rubber material or those little rocks they use, yeah no wonder fractures have gone up. I am honestly kind of confused what led to the demise of sand at the playground anyway. Did these parents shove it all in their vaginas or something?


Sand actually isn't very energy-absorbing... it packs itself pretty well, so it doesn't move out of the way and absorb energy ("Pound sand"?) If you have a deep enough pebble base, it works pretty well.
 
2012-10-15 02:58:51 PM  
Wow...did anybody read the WHOLE article? In the end he says that we should NOT take them away, he was just irritated that his kid got hurt.....

wow
 
2012-10-15 02:59:35 PM  

Elandriel: I am honestly kind of confused what led to the demise of sand at the playground anyway.


I would assume that stray cats kept pooping in it.
 
2012-10-15 03:03:44 PM  

keygrip: Wow...did anybody read the WHOLE article? In the end he says that we should NOT take them away, he was just irritated that his kid got hurt.....


I did. A tech told him he was just freaked out because it was his kid, and that the problem was the fall and the ground below, not the monkey bars. And he treated that like a revelation. So he's a stupid helicopter parent, which I don't think helps his case much.
 
2012-10-15 03:08:50 PM  

vartian: I did. A tech told him he was just freaked out because it was his kid, and that the problem was the fall and the ground below, not the monkey bars. And he treated that like a revelation. So he's a stupid helicopter parent, which I don't think helps his case much.


I agree, the guy is a complete and total dillweed, an asshat if you will, but he is NOT calling for the banning of monkey bars, that was the point I was trying to make.
 
2012-10-15 03:19:23 PM  
I agree: snowflakes should be banned everywhere
 
2012-10-15 03:22:15 PM  

keygrip: vartian: I did. A tech told him he was just freaked out because it was his kid, and that the problem was the fall and the ground below, not the monkey bars. And he treated that like a revelation. So he's a stupid helicopter parent, which I don't think helps his case much.

I agree, the guy is a complete and total dillweed, an asshat if you will, but he is NOT calling for the banning of monkey bars, that was the point I was trying to make.


I also noticed he's not a woman.
 
2012-10-15 03:23:51 PM  

keygrip: Wow...did anybody read the WHOLE article? In the end he says that we should NOT take them away, he was just irritated that his kid got hurt.....

wow


BUT BUT SNOWFLAKES
 
2012-10-15 03:29:10 PM  

mahuika: I also noticed he's not a woman.


Well.....and this is going to come back and bite me in the ass, but I have to.......

HE'S ACTING LIKE A WOMAN!!!!

(OK, now please send all derision and hatred directly towards me)
 
2012-10-15 03:39:11 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I remember when our neighborhood slide was 13 feet tall, made of steel, and was directly above concrete. If you didn't fall and crack your head open, you got burned by the metal on the way down. And that's the way it should be, by God!


OMG do you remember the 3 story tall rusted iron cage shaped like a rocket you got to climb as a kid?

That is the singular reason I am afraid of heights. Feeling that thing swaying and rattling.
 
2012-10-15 03:40:50 PM  

Andromeda: I was never big on monkey bars (at our school the 5th grade boys used them to stage fights where you kicked the other dangling kid until he fell off), so what exactly about them is so dangerous? Kid misses a bar and falls, ok, but you'd land on your feet or bum no?


When I was in third grade (eons ago) I learned never to wear mittens when dangling from the monkey bars. I was dangling from one of the bars about 1/2 way up and had both legs bent. Lost my grip due to the mittens and landed on the asphalt covered playground, tearing the sh*t out of both knees.



Did I blame the monkey bars? Did my parents demand they be taken down? Did they threaten to sue the school? No to all and I learned a valuable lesson that day. Once my knees healed up enough that I could play on the monkey bars again I never did so while wearing mittens.
 
2012-10-15 03:45:03 PM  
i.dailymail.co.uk

What a monkey bar might look like


/And they're lousy tippers
 
2012-10-15 03:49:38 PM  

Ambivalence: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I remember when our neighborhood slide was 13 feet tall, made of steel, and was directly above concrete. If you didn't fall and crack your head open, you got burned by the metal on the way down. And that's the way it should be, by God!

OMG do you remember the 3 story tall rusted iron cage shaped like a rocket you got to climb as a kid?

That is the singular reason I am afraid of heights. Feeling that thing swaying and rattling.


I do. I also remember getting my arm caught in the bars. It was awesome.
 
2012-10-15 03:57:12 PM  
The merry-go-round was the real source of danger. That and the catapult teeter-totter.
 
2012-10-15 04:05:57 PM  

EvilEgg: The merry-go-round was the real source of danger. That and the catapult teeter-totter.


There always seemed to be someone who would wait until the person at the opposite end of the teeter-totter was in the up position and then climb off.
 
2012-10-15 04:24:07 PM  
We had a contraption at our park that my mom called "The Sit and Throw-up". Four seats arranged in a square, with handles that you'd push and pull to make the thing spin. I'm old and forgetful, so I have no idea what it's actually called. But we'd get that thing cranked up to launch velocity, and either the vomit would fly, or we would.
 
2012-10-15 04:28:20 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: EvilEgg: The merry-go-round was the real source of danger. That and the catapult teeter-totter.

There always seemed to be someone who would wait until the person at the opposite end of the teeter-totter was in the up position and then climb off.


I still remember how much that stung.
 
2012-10-15 04:32:40 PM  

CheetahOlivetti: We had a contraption at our park that my mom called "The Sit and Throw-up". Four seats arranged in a square, with handles that you'd push and pull to make the thing spin. I'm old and forgetful, so I have no idea what it's actually called. But we'd get that thing cranked up to launch velocity, and either the vomit would fly, or we would.


I vividly remember puking up a fried egg sandwich in my friend's mom's car after riding that kind of thing.
 
2012-10-15 04:37:12 PM  
Every kid this guy knows broke their arm on the monkey bars. Literally every single one.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-10-15 04:43:03 PM  
Without parental outrage, you still have insurance companies looking at payments and threatening to cancel policies. Put a trampoline in your yard and odds are your insurance company will get nasty.
 
2012-10-15 04:44:52 PM  
Growing up in a small town in Ontario, a well-meaning local construction company owner installed some slides into a steep embankment for kids to play on. Except these slides were made of concrete, and were designed for use in the winter so that you could pour water on them and let it freeze overnight.

So, try to imagine the 50 foot high concrete slides after a couple of years when the winter freeze eventually cracked the concrete and kids would be sliding down these uneven icy troughs at near suicidal speeds...the lucky kids just managed to walk away with bitten tongues. The unlucky ones broke arms, legs, ribs, etc and this was the age when toboggans were made from wood - those farkers came shooting out the bottom like ballistic missiles.
 
2012-10-15 04:51:58 PM  

susansto-helit: Bathia_Mapes: EvilEgg: The merry-go-round was the real source of danger. That and the catapult teeter-totter.

There always seemed to be someone who would wait until the person at the opposite end of the teeter-totter was in the up position and then climb off.

I still remember how much that stung.


Oh, hell yeah!
 
2012-10-15 04:54:21 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: EvilEgg: The merry-go-round was the real source of danger. That and the catapult teeter-totter.

There always seemed to be someone who would wait until the person at the opposite end of the teeter-totter was in the up position and then climb off.


I had a friend try that to me... he didn't back away quick enough and the seat clocked him in the jaw. Blood and teeth everywhere, it was glorious.
 
2012-10-15 05:18:22 PM  
We should probably ban trees, too, while we're at it. How many broken arms do you think are caused every year by tree attacks on our children?
 
2012-10-15 05:34:11 PM  
die
 
2012-10-15 05:35:24 PM  

timujin: We should probably ban trees, too, while we're at it. How many broken arms do you think are caused every year by tree attacks on our children?


well, you pretty much hit my family tree

little brother broke his arm falling from monkey bars as a kid

I broke my knee jumping out of a tree as a kid.

/ and no one was sued.
 
2012-10-15 05:35:30 PM  
I, too would like to ban snowlakes.
 
2012-10-15 05:36:59 PM  
When I was in 1st grade I apparently pushed a kid off the monkey bars and broke his arm. I have zero recollection of this event, but I was punished for it at the school (I think I had three hours detention). To this day my dad calls me "terror" for it, despite the fact it was 40 years ago.

Admittedly, I didn't like the kid in question.
 
2012-10-15 05:37:34 PM  
I went to a white minority elementary school. Us "white-patties" weren't allowed to play on them until the other kids were done.
 
2012-10-15 05:38:19 PM  
Broke my left wrist on a Federally Approved USAF Built Monkey Bar Climbing Apparatus back when i was 5 on Guam. Builds character to have a cast for a bit. Teaches you to not fark up again too.
 
2012-10-15 05:38:21 PM  
And the pussyfication of American children continues.. Whatever happened to cuts/bruises/scrapes and breaks being signs of honor? We practically competed to see who could maim themselves the most. And no goddamn hospital unless you were actually farking significantly injured either.
 
2012-10-15 05:38:26 PM  
I think children should be banned from playgrounds. They should reserved for adults like us who can appreciate the joys of playing on them.
 
2012-10-15 05:38:54 PM  
broke my arm in the 1st grade on the monkey bars... getting a kick and stuff.
 
HBK
2012-10-15 05:40:02 PM  
I chipped a tooth when an older kid shoved me off the monkey bars. My mom just picked me up and we went to the dentist. No lawsuits, no self-serving internet articles, just kids being kids.
 
2012-10-15 05:40:12 PM  
You know what? fark it, let's just ban all objects which rise more than 18 inches off the ground.
 
2012-10-15 05:40:26 PM  
My little brother was a bit of a daredevil growing up, and he was really good at splitting the back of his head open. On the second head injury that required stitches, the cops interviewed my dad for a long time. Then they interviewed me (I was 6, I don't know how that was even allowed). It took a few hours (at least, in my memory it took that long but I was six, so maybe only 15 minutes) but they finally left us all alone. I suppose today, my father would be imprisoned.

And that's why I don't have kids.

/Also, I'm fat.
//And ugly.
///Kinda smell bad too.
 
2012-10-15 05:42:06 PM  
Wrap the kid in a protective cocoon made of packing peanuts and be done with it.
 
2012-10-15 05:43:24 PM  

Aarontology: I was amazed the author was able to maintain his smug sense of superiority over, as he calls them "Those Kinds Of Parents" while being one of them.


Yeah, it was a weird attitude by the author. I mean is he saying that it is okay to reverse your opinion on risks when you happen to be affected by them? I guess there is some merit in that, but he even mentions that he encouraged his daughter in her monkey bar play.

The only thing I'd say is that the school where my daughter goes have the playgrounds segregated by age -- for a kindergartner, they'd only be able to play on the little playsets. I could see where some playgrounds might let kids get ahead of their abilities. Other than that, very stupid article.

The sad / interesting thing is that all the caution that humans have in their life ultimately comes from getting burned -- you know about splinters from getting them, stubbing your toes from stubbing them, and so on. It is nice if you can get away without major injuries, but it is fairly likely that a kid is going to break a bone (or at least fracture or dislocate) at some point in their life.

The one that freaks me out is that my daughter loves to hang upside down on the bars ...
 
2012-10-15 05:43:47 PM  

mahuika: keygrip: vartian: I did. A tech told him he was just freaked out because it was his kid, and that the problem was the fall and the ground below, not the monkey bars. And he treated that like a revelation. So he's a stupid helicopter parent, which I don't think helps his case much.

I agree, the guy is a complete and total dillweed, an asshat if you will, but he is NOT calling for the banning of monkey bars, that was the point I was trying to make.

I also noticed he's not a woman.

 

imageshack.us
 
2012-10-15 05:43:53 PM  
the entire playground at my elementary school in the 80s was a rusted out death trap.

pretty sure we all turned out ok.
 
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