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(610 WIOD)   "I got my toe stuck in the faucet." "My dog is having a nervous breakdown." "A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods"   ( divider line
    More: Stupid, CareerBuilder, absenteeism, nervous breakdowns, faucets  
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7761 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Oct 2012 at 1:36 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-10-15 11:59:33 AM  
4 votes:
2012-10-15 03:01:00 PM  
3 votes:
"I got my toe stuck in the faucet." "My dog is having a nervous breakdown." "A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods"
A woe, an 'oh no', and a show.
2012-10-15 02:34:58 PM  
3 votes:
The young guy who lives on his cell phone at work leaves for the job on time. Oh Noes! He has a flat tire on the highway and he didn't bring his cell phone. So he walks down the highway, finds a tow truck and has them bring in the truck.

More oh noes! He (of course) doesn't have the number to call in to work and can't remember anyone's number because the walk down the interstate scared him so.

They replace the tire and tell him his muffler is about to fall off so there's more oh noes. So there goes the work day.

Couple of days later, we're walking through the parking lot and pass his truck. "Awfully nice of that tow truck company to match up your tires, thusly." says I. "Wha---?" replies the co-worker. "It was nice of the tow truck company and quite lucky for you that he had a Firestone Roadmaster 2000 tire just like the other three and that it had the same wear and or tear that your other three tires have."

"Oh, uh yeah. So, who are you, Sherlock freakin' Holmes?"

Oh no," reply I. "For Sherlock Holmes would report you to the authorities and see that you are punished for your crimes against our employer. I am more of an opportunist. I know this week, there will be a birthday party for the manager. He delights in enjoying his chocolate cake. You, sir, will accept you piece of cake with gratitude but you will not eat it. Instead, you will bring it to my desk and leave it there. If I do not see that cake on my desk, I will inform the manager of your malfeasance. Imagine his happiness destroyed, destroyed by your cowardly act of insubordination. I'm guessing raging hangover, am I correct?"

"No," he replied sheepishly. "The neighbors in my apartment complex takes a morning swim in the pool. The ladies then sun bathes sans top right outside my apartment. They were doing this upon that morning and I tarried to watch them rub sun tanning lotion upon their naked backs. I am truly sorry."

"My dear sir. There is no need to apologize. You may keep your cake. Our deal has changed. I shall buy you a small camera of the web. It is an astounding device for persons such as us. You will install it and set up a web page and you will provide we with that Internet Protocol Address. I foresee us partners now. My vision of your past deeds have blurred. I can no longer remember any of the details. Come. There is web page that we must visit. I have a co-worker's Pay Pal account. He blames his wife every time I use it."
2012-10-15 02:33:17 PM  
2 votes:

I got my toe stuck in the faucet. My dog is having a nervous breakdown. A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods. I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
2012-10-15 01:42:34 PM  
2 votes:
"Sorry I'm late boss, but it's so hot out there that the molecules in the road expanded, creating a greater distance for me to drive to get to work today."
2012-10-15 12:17:46 PM  
2 votes:
"A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods"
2012-10-15 10:48:06 AM  
2 votes:
"I got my toe stuck in the faucet." "My dog is having a nervous breakdown." "A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods"

Just say you don't want to go out with me, jeez.
2012-10-15 04:43:43 PM  
1 vote:
I work in a hospital in rural Manitoba Canada. Burnout is extremely quick among nurses and health care aides (or cna as the U.S calls them)

We are chronically short staffed, and frustrated by the lack of doctors. We went 3 straight months with someone calling in sick. Most of the time the person is calling, they are unable to be replaced.

Threatening to replace chronic offendersl is laughable, there's no one to replace them.

If you want to work, and can humble yourself to deal with all the crap involved, get in health care. Many states and provinces will at least partially fund your Education, and many times sponsor the whole thing.

I love what I do, just frustrated that we can't give the patients the care they deserve.

Except for the patients that think they are in a 5 star hotel, and demand to be waited on hand and foot. They can EABOD and DIAF
2012-10-15 02:03:20 PM  
1 vote:
This isn't a problem for 8.1 out of 100 of American's.

2012-10-15 01:53:55 PM  
1 vote:
My hovercraft is full of eels.
2012-10-15 11:43:57 AM  
1 vote:
"A dingo ate my baby"
2012-10-15 11:17:03 AM  
1 vote:
"Someone on the internet is wrong"
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