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(610 WIOD)   "I got my toe stuck in the faucet." "My dog is having a nervous breakdown." "A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods"   (610wiod.com) divider line 70
    More: Stupid, CareerBuilder, absenteeism, nervous breakdowns, faucets  
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7734 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Oct 2012 at 1:36 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-15 10:07:39 AM  
Speigelman says there are days when you simply have to get stuff down, but it's up the employee to find that time.

*teeth start grinding*
 
2012-10-15 10:48:06 AM  
"I got my toe stuck in the faucet." "My dog is having a nervous breakdown." "A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods"

Just say you don't want to go out with me, jeez.
 
2012-10-15 11:06:41 AM  
It happens.

static.guim.co.uk
 
2012-10-15 11:17:03 AM  
"Someone on the internet is wrong"
 
2012-10-15 11:17:51 AM  
JoJo Finkeldei?

/that does sound like a HR reps name
 
2012-10-15 11:43:57 AM  
"A dingo ate my baby"
 
2012-10-15 11:59:33 AM  
 
2012-10-15 12:12:04 PM  
The last company I worked for and the one I currently work for were VERY specific about enjoying life outside of work. It was and is understood that sometimes, you just need a Thursday off to do some shiat or just to hang on the couch all day in your boxers for a mental break. Silly excuses are a manifestation of the American hard working ethic and the almost impossible expectations of bosses, corporate initiatives, sales/production goals, etc.

My company understands that if you need a day - go for it. Because, there are going to be random times where you will have to work all weekend.
 
2012-10-15 12:17:46 PM  
"A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods"

t3.gstatic.com
 
2012-10-15 01:39:27 PM  
My penis got stuck in the vacuum cleaner.
 
GBB
2012-10-15 01:41:24 PM  

Wellon Dowd: My penis got stuck in the vacuum cleaner.


t3.gstatic.com
 
2012-10-15 01:42:34 PM  
"Sorry I'm late boss, but it's so hot out there that the molecules in the road expanded, creating a greater distance for me to drive to get to work today."
 
2012-10-15 01:42:57 PM  
A Christmas tree fell on me.

/really happened
//what a mess!
///work still teases me about that one
 
2012-10-15 01:43:01 PM  
I saw that episode of Emergency.
 
2012-10-15 01:46:03 PM  

Sybarite: It happens.

[static.guim.co.uk image 460x276]


I was looking for the Dick Van Dyke photo....


/Toe in the faucet: Standard 1950's TV Camp.
 
2012-10-15 01:48:27 PM  
"My Penis is stuck in your Mom."
/never fails.
 
2012-10-15 01:51:14 PM  

Mugato: "A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods"

[t3.gstatic.com image 237x212]


Previously...

m.ruvr.ru

Coyote? But, but, but...we can't go after him, think of the international implications!
 
2012-10-15 01:51:31 PM  
A baby ate my dingo.
 
2012-10-15 01:51:34 PM  
sooo... no one believes the, i think i have food poisoning... must of been that shellfish i ate...

/ or all that booze
 
2012-10-15 01:52:16 PM  

Babwa Wawa: I'm stuck to my chair. I'm so very scared. Help


Golf Clap.

That goes for *anyone* who can find an excuse to post Bigz2k
 
2012-10-15 01:53:48 PM  

Endive Wombat: The last company I worked for and the one I currently work for were VERY specific about enjoying life outside of work. It was and is understood that sometimes, you just need a Thursday off to do some shiat or just to hang on the couch all day in your boxers for a mental break. Silly excuses are a manifestation of the American hard working ethic and the almost impossible expectations of bosses, corporate initiatives, sales/production goals, etc.

My company understands that if you need a day - go for it. Because, there are going to be random times where you will have to work all weekend.


My last job had Paid Time Off instead of splitting it up into sick, vacation, personal, etc. Breaks longer than 3 days needed a dr's note or preapproval, but other than that it was yours to do with as you wish and nobody else's business. You called out and said, "I'm taking a day, " and that was that. As long as you got your work done, nobody cared if you had the explosive shiats or were just hung over. Or wanted to go for a hike that day.

It was nice being treated like a grownup.
 
2012-10-15 01:53:55 PM  
My hovercraft is full of eels.
 
2012-10-15 01:54:50 PM  

fat boy: I saw that episode of Emergency.


Heh, I was going to mention that one.

You shouldn't let children bathe alone, ma'am.
 
2012-10-15 01:55:16 PM  
FTFA: "One woman came to work all depressed and said a coyote had dragged her pet goat off into the woods, while another said they had been sprayed by a skunk" says Finkeldei.

I once got out of going to school because of that. Happens when you grow up on a farm.

/little bastage ambushed me in the milking shed
 
2012-10-15 01:56:03 PM  

Babwa Wawa: I'm stuck to my chair. I'm so very scared. Help


Came here for this. Leaving satisfied.
 
2012-10-15 01:59:12 PM  
I have PTO. "I'm not feeling well. I wont be in today." Sucks for you peons.
 
2012-10-15 02:03:20 PM  
This isn't a problem for 8.1 out of 100 of American's.

amiright?
 
2012-10-15 02:04:41 PM  
I was late to work one day because the door knob on the bedroom broke, and it took about 15 minutes to break the damn thing.

//true story
 
2012-10-15 02:05:25 PM  
My last job was pretty absurd about their paid time off. One year, they decided that all sick time would be abolished. You just had to take the vacation time (which wasn't increased).

So, everybody just started to come in when they were sick. This led to some mini-pandemics in the office and nearly killed a few of the elderly employees/managers that couldn't handle the petri dish our office had become.
 
2012-10-15 02:08:26 PM  
We had a mechanic working for us that called in drunk a few times. Another time he called in saying he couldn't find his truck.
 
2012-10-15 02:11:13 PM  

Maturin: A baby ate my dingo.


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-10-15 02:12:44 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com


Ohhh Rob!
 
2012-10-15 02:17:55 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 793x599]


Ohhh Rob!

"Paging Chris Hansen, Paging Mr. Chris Hansen, White courtesy telephone."


nick.mtvnimages.com
 
2012-10-15 02:20:02 PM  
Yeah, so let's play the other side of the coin here shall we?

I've been working for months on a big project. Staying late and working no less than 50 hour weeks, coming in at 2AM multiple times, spending time on the weekends, etc. to get this project done. -All out of my job description and requirements.

The only thing I asked for is that when it was over, my boss let me take a week of vacation (I have six weeks as part of my package). Final pieces fall into place, and I mention to my boss I'll need to take the time off... Answer... no.

Why? Because it's Elk hunting season and he's taking off two weeks to go Elk hunting and doesn't want to leave his team alone without *me* there to take care of them.

Now, normally people would say, "Hey, that's great he thinks a lot of you! You're probably next in line to take his position." -But that couldn't be farther from the truth. I get paid more than my boss and am supposed to be in a position where I do nothing but Architecture work in IT. -He's supposed to do the baby sitting.

But instead of him doing his job, I've been doing *my job* and his job while he goes hunting, or to his kid's football games, or to his kid's scouting crap, or while he goes to Disney World, etc.

I'm sick of this crap.

If anyone deserves a vacation, it's me. In the last year, I've taken this organization from the *worst* performing in the nation, to the best performing... Heck, I'm featured in magazines for the same thing. I just spent an hour the other day getting my picture taken for a second featured article about my work.

So, honestly, I don't feel bad when people make up stupid excuses to get out of work, especially if they deserve it. But a boss who decides two weeks of Elk hunting is more important than saving lives or giving his most outstanding employee a well deserved break, can go suck a dick.
 
2012-10-15 02:22:17 PM  

Mugato: "A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods Operation Northwoods"


t3.gstatic.com


FTFY
 
2012-10-15 02:25:26 PM  

Babwa Wawa: I'm stuck to my chair. I'm so very scared. Help


First thing I thought of, I can now leave this thread happy.
 
2012-10-15 02:33:17 PM  
morganrlewis.files.wordpress.com

I got my toe stuck in the faucet. My dog is having a nervous breakdown. A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods. I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
 
2012-10-15 02:34:58 PM  
The young guy who lives on his cell phone at work leaves for the job on time. Oh Noes! He has a flat tire on the highway and he didn't bring his cell phone. So he walks down the highway, finds a tow truck and has them bring in the truck.

More oh noes! He (of course) doesn't have the number to call in to work and can't remember anyone's number because the walk down the interstate scared him so.

They replace the tire and tell him his muffler is about to fall off so there's more oh noes. So there goes the work day.

Couple of days later, we're walking through the parking lot and pass his truck. "Awfully nice of that tow truck company to match up your tires, thusly." says I. "Wha---?" replies the co-worker. "It was nice of the tow truck company and quite lucky for you that he had a Firestone Roadmaster 2000 tire just like the other three and that it had the same wear and or tear that your other three tires have."

"Oh, uh yeah. So, who are you, Sherlock freakin' Holmes?"

Oh no," reply I. "For Sherlock Holmes would report you to the authorities and see that you are punished for your crimes against our employer. I am more of an opportunist. I know this week, there will be a birthday party for the manager. He delights in enjoying his chocolate cake. You, sir, will accept you piece of cake with gratitude but you will not eat it. Instead, you will bring it to my desk and leave it there. If I do not see that cake on my desk, I will inform the manager of your malfeasance. Imagine his happiness destroyed, destroyed by your cowardly act of insubordination. I'm guessing raging hangover, am I correct?"

"No," he replied sheepishly. "The neighbors in my apartment complex takes a morning swim in the pool. The ladies then sun bathes sans top right outside my apartment. They were doing this upon that morning and I tarried to watch them rub sun tanning lotion upon their naked backs. I am truly sorry."

"My dear sir. There is no need to apologize. You may keep your cake. Our deal has changed. I shall buy you a small camera of the web. It is an astounding device for persons such as us. You will install it and set up a web page and you will provide we with that Internet Protocol Address. I foresee us partners now. My vision of your past deeds have blurred. I can no longer remember any of the details. Come. There is web page that we must visit. I have a co-worker's Pay Pal account. He blames his wife every time I use it."
 
2012-10-15 02:35:36 PM  
This farking list is more annual than Christmas.
 
2012-10-15 02:36:33 PM  

Perducci: My hovercraft is full of eels.


Better than your hoo-hah being full of eels.

WARNING: TOTALLY NSFW, NSFE, NSFA
 
2012-10-15 02:41:00 PM  
I usually just tell my boss I'm hungover. He understands.
 
2012-10-15 02:54:28 PM  
"I'm having vision issues and i won't be in today"

//translation = "I can't see myself at work today"
 
2012-10-15 02:57:48 PM  
Not. Clicking.
 
2012-10-15 03:01:00 PM  
"I got my toe stuck in the faucet." "My dog is having a nervous breakdown." "A coyote dragged my pet goat into the woods"

upload.wikimedia.org
A woe, an 'oh no', and a show.
 
2012-10-15 03:06:10 PM  
" Mother-in-law's funeral".
one week later...." mother-in-law's funeral".
following week....."mother-in-law's funeral". The boss finally asked WTF.
( yes, she did have 3, sort-of)
 
2012-10-15 03:07:42 PM  

cochlear: " Mother-in-law's funeral".
one week later...." mother-in-law's funeral".
following week....."mother-in-law's funeral". The boss finally asked WTF.
( yes, she did have 3, sort-of)


You must *really* hate your mother-in-law.

/I want to bone mine
 
2012-10-15 03:08:25 PM  
also, after a night of hideous sickness, called in to say " I don't feel like coming in today".
 
2012-10-15 03:08:41 PM  

Hyppy: My last job was pretty absurd about their paid time off. One year, they decided that all sick time would be abolished. You just had to take the vacation time (which wasn't increased).

So, everybody just started to come in when they were sick. This led to some mini-pandemics in the office and nearly killed a few of the elderly employees/managers that couldn't handle the petri dish our office had become
.



This is why Unions.
 
2012-10-15 03:15:17 PM  
I just quit a job where a full 1/4 of the staff would be out sick EVERY DAY. Not the same folks each day, but roughly the same amount of people. About once a week someone just wouldn't come back. Or they'd get fired over something minor. That kind of thing happens when you pay minimum wage but require employees to be over 25 with a clean MVR and criminal background. The kind of folks that meet that criteria are generally not going to put up with bullshiat for long for sub-$300 weekly paychecks. I have acquaintances who've done federal time for violent crimes that make twice what I was making, in 1/3 less time... but driving like a sane person my whole life and not robbing raping and killing at will is only worth $7.50 an hour.

/rant
//found being a stay-at-home dad is way cheaper than working for minimum wage, and far more satisfying.
 
2012-10-15 03:16:13 PM  
My dick is stuck in your mom.
 
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