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(Tech Times)   13% of turkeys will land you on the crapper all Thanksgiving   ( divider line
    More: PSA  
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5213 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Nov 2001 at 8:29 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

60 Comments     (+0 »)

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2001-11-20 08:34:26 AM  
If there is a better holiday in thanksgiving, I don't know about it.

Get up, hike to isaccs point. Snorkel and lay on the beach. Get home, watch football, stuff myself on turkey. Watch more football, fall asleep. Wake up, watch more football, eat more turkey. Fall asleep again.

Life is good. I just hope I don't get one of these crapper turkeys this year.
2001-11-20 08:35:05 AM  
I thought 100% of turkeys landed you on the crapper
2001-11-20 08:35:26 AM  
That's Tofurkey, right?
2001-11-20 08:39:14 AM  
...and three hams will kill you.
2001-11-20 08:45:04 AM  
Did anyone read this at first and think "13% of turkeys will land in the crapper"? Seemed odd to me that most people would do their cooking in the bathroom...

I swear, these goddamn terrorists...first anthrax, now salmonella in our turkeys. If I can't have pumpkin pie because I'm on the shiatter, then the Detroit Lions have already won. Yeah right.
2001-11-20 08:46:32 AM  

Newsman by day, porn star by night.
2001-11-20 08:57:53 AM  
Let me be the first to say,

"Merry Christmas! shiatter's full!"
2001-11-20 08:58:24 AM  
If they are so smart, why don't they just pull those 13% of turkeys off the shelf, and not sell them. Then they would have 0%. Morons.
2001-11-20 08:58:48 AM  
The Economist reported in a little stat box last year that the U.S. is only the 3rd largest consumer of turkey in ABSOLUTE NUMBERS.

Strangely, Israel consumes more turkey per year than the entire United States. Can anyone explain this phenomenon?
2001-11-20 09:03:34 AM  
We are having a Tur-ducken this year. Not familiar with that you say. It is a Turkey stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a duck. Maybe the chicken and duck are switched not sure. But it is only like 50 bucks. This is a work / friend thing where all of us who gots no family in the area get together for food and football.
2001-11-20 09:12:14 AM  
Here's a recipe for

Personally, I couldn't eat anything with the word "turd" in it.
2001-11-20 09:13:24 AM  
and to think, it could all be avoided if these m0rons would stop eating their turkeys raw. cooking em kills salmonilla, cook your damned turkey!
2001-11-20 09:34:29 AM  
KLG: Israel is much closer to turkey than the US is.
2001-11-20 09:34:39 AM  
"The Center for Science in the Public Interest says pop-up timers aren't reliable, and recommends that cooks use a thermometer."

Those jagoffs at the Center for Science in the Public Interest, always putting their unwelcome two cents in.

The "pop-up timer" is a thermometer. Actually it's a thermostat.

I wager that 13% of "cooks" are not bright enough to know how to use a meat thermometer and the pop-up timer saves them.
2001-11-20 09:39:56 AM  
Tofuturkey isn't sounding that bad now,huh?
2001-11-20 09:39:57 AM  
"Can anyone explain this phenomenon?"

Maybe it's because we only eat turkey once a year?
2001-11-20 09:56:56 AM  
Salmonella is present in almost all raw poultry. It is a non-issue for processors, because cooking kills it.

To avoid problems:
1. Cook the bird fully. This means OVER 160 F for a long time, in the center of the bird. Easy way to tell: if your white meat has a pink cast to it, it isn't done enough (though not true for smoked turkey or other methods). The taste is a good indicator, too.
2. Keep utensils, plates, etc. from raw meat away from cooked meat. Wash your hands, all counter surfaces, and the utensils after putting the bird in the oven, and you can be pretty confident in your safety.
3. The bacteria are still present, and will get on the cooked bird almost immediately after removal from the oven. However, what's important is keeping them from reproducing. That's why you should keep the leftovers either hot or cold, not at room temperature for very long.

And don't use antibacterial products. They escalate the selective pressures on bacteria and lead to "super germs."

Just an FYI.
2001-11-20 09:57:25 AM  
That pop-up thing is just a little plunger held down by an epoxy set to melt at a certain temp. Thing is it only measures one point on the bird and the plastic heats up faster than meat. So it rarely gives an accurate reading.

A big thanks goes out to the meat packing industry for its continued lobbying effort at reducing the power of federal inspectors! For their efforts the American people are now subject to levels of food contamination unheard of in other developed countries! Huzzah!
2001-11-20 10:10:47 AM  
Damn, the one day a year my mom's food doesnt send me to the crapper, and now this to worry about.

AskKlown said meat packer.
2001-11-20 10:12:28 AM  
So that's a resounding "no" on the raw turkey pate this year huh?
2001-11-20 10:13:37 AM  
"and don't use antibacterial products" so much for spraying my turkey down with a can of Lysol.
2001-11-20 10:16:37 AM  
The hell with salmonella...I'll do that deep fried turkey thing that Bob & Tom holler about all the time...FRY YOU MICROSCOPIC BASTARDS!
2001-11-20 10:20:31 AM  
Here's a quick link to the perfectly deep fried turkey...I hereby assume no liability if you blacken said bird or set your family on fire attempting this..enjoy!
2001-11-20 10:28:58 AM  
Deep fried turkey is the most retarded, disgusting, colon greasing crap on the face of the earth. If you go to someones house on thanksgiving looking for a juicy turkey with all the fixings and they serve that crap, burn the house down.
2001-11-20 10:37:34 AM  
everything tastes better fried
2001-11-20 10:44:40 AM  
Mmmmm.... Death-turkey....
2001-11-20 10:45:11 AM  
Veggie burgers taste a whole hell of a lot better deep-fried in bacon fat
2001-11-20 10:48:08 AM  
Mmmmmm.... Deep-fried-death-bacon-veggie burger....
*more drool*
2001-11-20 11:00:11 AM  
There's at least one turkey out there that has to worry about STDs after yesterdays encounter with Bush...
2001-11-20 11:01:13 AM  
Deep fried turkey is the best!

Remember though, peanut oil only!
2001-11-20 11:06:48 AM  
this thread should be labeled OBVIOUS
2001-11-20 11:17:26 AM  
[image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available]
2001-11-20 11:21:45 AM  
"Bet yo' gay!"

"Am not....wait a second, yes I am. I'm Lance GAY!"
2001-11-20 11:25:08 AM  
I vote Lance Gay the official homosexual superhero of farkistan.
2001-11-20 11:32:30 AM  
I want a turducken.

mmmmmm, I cannot begin to describe for all of you the overwhelming love and joy I have for turkey. I spend most of the year with my love forgotten, until the commercials and lame ornaments of pilgrims start showing up again. Then slowly, a quivering begins in my bowels and gets stronger and stronger until it is time to feast.
My love of turkey is so strong that I will endure vast amounts of pain in order to ingest more. I will wear special pants on Thursday this year. They will have an elastic waistband, or a very large waistband with suspenders so my stomach is unfettered and free to expand.
I have MiracleWhip in the fridge, and I will be going to hand select a sharp white cheddar and a fine fresh loaf of multi-grain bread. I know the true joy of turkey day lies not in the initial feast, where I stare jealously at the other feeders, hoping to psychicly turn them away from the turkey. No! The true joy of the turkey is later. Lightly toasted multigrain wheat bread, miracle whip, and sharp white cheddar. Oh yes I love you turkey. None of this sliced lunch meat turkey crap, the real thing. A bird that has been slaughtered and then seen it's carcass violated repeatedly in my presence before being consumed.
A large secret stash of succulent white turkeymeat will be hidden in the back of my refridgerator, marked with symbols of death and warding (to my wife, if you read this: don't you even think about touching my turkey leftovers).

Oh I love turkey.
I will sit in my huge black leather easy chair this year. After a meal with a turkey and a ham prepared by a 5 star chef (I shiat you not, I am so lucky this year), I will be slowly sipping the holy nectar of beer, with a plate balanced on my swollen gut. The plate will have a beautiful turkey sandwich on it, and every time I belch or fart I will take another bite, since more room is made. I will stare with glazed eyes at the football games, and eventually will fall asleep.

When I wake up, I will panic for a moment if my sandwich is not on my belly. I will find it quickly jammed next to me in the arm of my chair. I will fish it out and take some more bites, and then drift off back to sleep.

I will repeat these steps of turkey sandwich laziness in heaven through the rest of the weekend.

Oh I love turkey.
2001-11-20 11:35:52 AM  
farkin poetry
2001-11-20 11:36:37 AM  
Just don't give me any white meat. I hate eating wood.
2001-11-20 11:37:03 AM  
Anyone get that? Double double entendre!
2001-11-20 11:48:43 AM  
They'll have to pry my deep-fried cajun turkey from my cold dead hands!!!
2001-11-20 12:29:37 PM  
Jbennett70: If they are so smart, why don't they just pull those 13% of turkeys off the shelf, and not sell them. Then they would have 0%. Morons.

A joke, right? You of course realize that they didn't really sample every turkey to know 13% of them had salmonella. One would take a representative sample of turkeys, test them and -if your sample was truly representative- you could infer the same proportion of icky turkeys exists in the entire population.
2001-11-20 12:36:57 PM  
I love turkey.
2001-11-20 12:49:55 PM  
So much for my Turkey Tartare. And I've been defroasting the bird in agar out on the back porch for three days now!
2001-11-20 12:51:52 PM  
NaTaX: We can tell ;) Your sandwich description almost made me drool!
2001-11-20 01:05:09 PM  
I think I need help. I really get so quivery and excited about eating turkey... oh this is my favorite holiday! 2 more days and I will be eating turkey.

I might have to go out tonight and get a small turkey to cook for Wednesday, so I can prep myself. Don't want any Triptofane shock to my system or anything...
2001-11-20 01:08:24 PM  
My favorite part of the holiday's chopping off the turkey's head.
2001-11-20 01:11:16 PM  
So basically what they're telling us is that if we cook our food, refrain from drinking runny pink poultry juice and wash our hands, we won't get sick.

Some people are fsckin stupid.
2001-11-20 01:25:41 PM  
I'm starting to wonder if World Citizen has ever actually been outside the Indiana state border. I've lived abroad for many years, and you can't find a turkey sandwich to save your life in most places. A turkey club is pretty common fare at delis back in the States.

Turducken can be pretty rank if not cooked well. I prefer those cajun spiced turkeys with crawfish etoufe stuffing.
2001-11-20 01:28:21 PM  
NaTaX: Watch out for those comas, by the time you wake up, everyone else has eaten the leftovers! Once when I came home from college we had around 20 people at my parents' house. I gorged myself, went to watch the games and fell asleep. Woke up two hours later and all the white meat was gone! I don't generally get irritated on holidays, but this was an exception...
2001-11-20 01:28:22 PM  
100% of turkey eaten will land in the crapper after Thanksgiving.
2001-11-20 01:49:15 PM  
I never thought of that. I think my family is smart enough to know that such actions would result in death. Last year I went to a buddy's house, and there were four adults and one 3 year old. We used a giant rotiseerie (sp?) and make the most succulent wonderful turkey. My buddy and I sat around after dinner (about 1pm or so) and proceded to continue eating turkey until very early the next morning, when it was all gone and we felt wonderful. It was a huge bird too.

MMMMMMMM I am drooling some right now. I want turkey so bad.
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