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(Gawker)   Jessica Biel has the best Tweet ever   (gawker.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, Jessica Biel, Academy Awards  
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29441 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 12 Oct 2012 at 2:55 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



156 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-10-12 08:29:40 PM  

Fade2black: But I'll tell you something. I told her that I would leave her in a New York heartbeat, burn the house down, give away the animals, and sever vital parts of my anatomy, in order to have 5 minutes to do anything to that woman.

And her reply was, "can i join in?" 0.o

I learned a lot that day. A lot.


I can understand why she'd want to sever vital parts of your anatomy. Hell, you'd probably need her to hold the magnifying glass.
 
2012-10-12 08:44:05 PM  
Sure, but once you take away all the photoshopping, she's just another stunning woman with a perfect body.
 
2012-10-12 08:49:40 PM  

Fade2black: I tread lightly with my wife about who I think it hot, women in movies, celebrities, that sorta thing. She gets really self conscious about that kinda stuff and is now just starting to understand (after 9 years together) that no matter what I say, I always come home to her right after work.

But I'll tell you something. I told her that I would leave her in a New York heartbeat, burn the house down, give away the animals, and sever vital parts of my anatomy, in order to have 5 minutes to do anything to that woman.

And her reply was, "can i join in?" 0.o

I learned a lot that day. A lot.


Your wife sounds like a keeper!
 
2012-10-12 08:57:50 PM  
i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com
 
2012-10-12 09:00:19 PM  
 
2012-10-12 09:06:55 PM  
I wonder how much of Zappa's fortune went to Moon Unit and Dweezil's psychiatrists?
 
2012-10-12 09:30:57 PM  

Mentat: Obligatory


She's a surprisingly awkward dancer. Still, she's the one dancing and I'm the one breaking out in a sweat. Well, me and Ellen.
 
2012-10-12 09:46:37 PM  

MonkeyAngst: PluckYew: Halstread: So much hotter than Alba IMO.

STOP WATCHING ESPN!!! You don't have to rank everything. Both are smokin' hot and neither will see this!


For some reason, people assume that famous people don't read Fark. I mean, you don't need a
user account to read this site; you just need a browser. It's true that only a few
celebrities (like Wil Wheaton) actually have accounts and post, but reading about oneself is the
kind of thing that insecure celebrities get off on, so I imagine a number of them spend whole
years of their lives Googling themselves. You gotta remember the internet is public, and it's not
only read by people you think. That's why when I post, I assume that the post is going to be
ultimately read by the person I'm writing about. And my mom. And the Pope. It helps keep me
polite, for one thing. Anonymity is the murderer of civility.
Oh, why the Pope? I'm not Catholic; quite the opposite. I just like putting coded anti-
papal messages in
every post I make.


"Anonymity is the murder of civility" is an interesting quote. I didn't become an internet scumbag until finding and lurking about on Fark for quite a while. Then when I made an account and began posting horrible things it was because i thought Fark was all about posters trying to out-do saying the most horrible things to each other. I was here for a while when I finally realized some people actually have little discussions and what-not. A few days after that I finally realized there was a whole bunch of other categories besides the Main one. I've felt regret ever since. Life is a series of moments, some special, and some terribly full of regret.
 
2012-10-12 09:50:19 PM  

jjorsett: I wonder how much of Zappa's fortune went to Moon Unit and Dweezil's psychiatrists?



Probably none?

Dweezil got mad when he found out his name wasn't actually Dweezil, and he got it changed legally (at the hospital they refused to put Dweezil on the birth certificate)
 
2012-10-12 10:01:44 PM  
What about Pussymo?
 
2012-10-12 10:18:34 PM  
With the stupid names stars name their kids, she should just be quiet as her profession doesnt give her much room to talk.
 
2012-10-12 10:39:00 PM  
I hope this doesn't sound too gross, but....I'd lick her feet clean just for a chance to eat corn chips out of her butt.
 
2012-10-12 10:40:55 PM  

Teufelaffe: Also, oblig: 

Link


Kimmel's a magnificent bastard ain't he?
 
2012-10-12 11:36:33 PM  

Robert1966: Sure, but once you take away all the photoshopping, she's just another stunning woman with a perfect body.


this
 
2012-10-13 12:03:31 AM  

Eternal Virgin: That butt... there's no way she's %100 white.


She's not. She's part American Indian. Cherokee I think.
 
2012-10-13 12:15:30 AM  

Beerguy: RevMercutio: Anna Kendrick's twitter is pretty fun, too.

Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes "say masturbate, it'll be hilarious"- Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) September 24, 2012


Ernest Borgnine did it first....and on live TV.


Oh, man. If Anna Kendrick started talking like Ernest Borgnine all the time...mega faps.
 
2012-10-13 12:44:28 AM  

peterthx: Yes, because women who give birth cannot be sexy anymore...


Then where to MILFs come from?
 
2012-10-13 12:45:30 AM  

RatMaster999: peterthx: Yes, because women who give birth cannot be sexy anymore...

Then where to MILFs come from?


GILF's. Duh.
 
2012-10-13 02:10:34 AM  
I enjoy her tweets. And her ass and boobs.
 
2012-10-13 03:02:14 AM  

Zombie DJ: RatMaster999: peterthx: Yes, because women who give birth cannot be sexy anymore...

Then where to MILFs come from?

GILF's. Duh.


Milfs come from gilfs? I challenge you to find one example of a woman who was a gilf at the time of conception of her daughter that would become a milf.

/tenses, how do they work?
:)
 
2012-10-13 03:51:29 AM  
thisthreaddelivers.jpeg
 
2012-10-13 04:18:52 AM  
I never saw Party of Five.. or any movie she's been in. But that body.. she could start wars like Helen of Troy..
 
2012-10-13 04:52:19 AM  
And by tweet you mean ass, right?
 
2012-10-13 05:52:13 AM  

Soup4Bonnie: I just wanted you all to know that I didn't get it until I clicked on the thread. Also, I have no idea who this woman is and I wonder why I ever leave the Poli tab. If you see me here again, please guide me back. Thank you.


We areSO thrilled to know that you are so academic/backwards/dumb/reclusive/enlightened/ignorant/socially-inept/ gay/ pick one that you don't know who Jessica Biel is.

Go back to where ever is your rock.
 
2012-10-13 05:54:04 AM  

Halstread: So much hotter than Alba IMO.


Smart enough to not have a kid and destroy her body.
 
2012-10-13 05:56:10 AM  

RevMercutio: Anna Kendrick's twitter is pretty fun, too.

Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes "say masturbate, it'll be hilarious"- Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) September 24, 2012


That's awesome and hilarious.

And now my brain is filled with images of Anna Kendrick furiously talking to a fancy journalist.
 
2012-10-13 06:04:01 AM  
I would like to do sex to Jessica Biel. That is all.
 
2012-10-13 07:14:14 AM  
Jim from Saint Paul:
[cdn.fd.uproxx.com image 850x544]

That pic makes me want to go wack it to "Fast Times At Ridgemont High" while wearing a crappy pirate hat.

T.rex:
If an ugly girl tweeted that, nobody would care.

That's because, sad truth of the times, she wouldn't be a famous actress. Come on, it's at least a little funny when celebrities acknowledge their stupid internet memes.
 
2012-10-13 07:19:19 AM  

MonkeyAngst: PluckYew: Halstread: So much hotter than Alba IMO.

STOP WATCHING ESPN!!! You don't have to rank everything. Both are smokin' hot and neither will see this!


For some reason, people assume that famous people don't read Fark. I mean, you don't need a
user account to read this site; you just need a browser. It's true that only a few
celebrities (like Wil Wheaton) actually have accounts and post, but reading about oneself is the
kind of thing that insecure celebrities get off on, so I imagine a number of them spend whole
years of their lives Googling themselves. You gotta remember the internet is public, and it's not
only read by people you think. That's why when I post, I assume that the post is going to be
ultimately read by the person I'm writing about. And my mom. And the Pope. It helps keep me
polite, for one thing. Anonymity is the murderer of civility.
Oh, why the Pope? I'm not Catholic; quite the opposite. I just like putting coded anti-
papal messages in
every post I make.


No it isn't. People have been using anonymity to have civil political arguments with each other via written media for centuries, and for just as long people have been writing execrable insults to one another under their true names in the same publications. Arguments will be as civil as the passions of those participating will allow. It certainly isn't anonymity that makes certain right-leaning citizens think it's a good idea to walk into local townhall meetings with pistols strapped to their hips. It is emotion, and the decision to not control it, that causes incivility; not pseudonyms.
 
2012-10-13 07:30:20 AM  
If anyone should be tapped to play Wonder Woman, it should be her. Hell, she (and/or Timberlake) has the money and the geekiness to produce a Wonder Woman movie by herself.
 
2012-10-13 07:59:20 AM  
A dumb, teasing headline, linked to dumb story, on a site incapable of anything else.
 
2012-10-13 08:51:10 AM  

stoli n coke: I thought the tweet would have something to do with beefing and heeling it down the shower drain.


Had to read that one twice...now can't stop laughing...
 
2012-10-13 08:54:16 AM  
So now we're just calling every stupid throwaway joke a "meme"?

The word now holds as much of its original meaning as "hipster".
 
2012-10-13 09:19:21 AM  

Thunderboy: So now we're just calling every stupid throwaway joke a "meme"?

The word now holds as much of its original meaning as "hipster".


RIP Hipster Meme

 
2012-10-13 09:41:35 AM  

litespeed74: Halstread: So much hotter than Alba IMO.

yes, this indeed. this.


I too shall agree.

Id love to hate on Timberlake for having her...but he seems like a fairly cool dude.
 
2012-10-13 09:59:11 AM  

luidprand: If anyone should be tapped to play Wonder Woman,


I would say they should even cast Timberlake as Wonder Woman's boyfriend, doesn't have to be the Steve Trevor character or whatever.
 
2012-10-13 10:18:04 AM  

T.rex: If an ugly girl tweeted that, nobody would care.


Well duh, nobody would believe an ugly girl would have a kid anyways......
 
2012-10-13 10:42:26 AM  
So everyone assumes she is a slut and will have a child out of wedlock.
I'm ok with that.
 
2012-10-13 10:55:08 AM  

grokca: So everyone assumes she is a slut and will have a child out of wedlock.


Hey, he's awake! Easy now old timer, you're OK. You've been in cryosleep for a long time now. It's 2012. I know, big scary world. Nope, no flying cars yet. Sorry. Hopefully you didn't bring your slut-shaming and single-mother-shaming with you from 1950... we actually like women nowadays. Well, apart from some elected officials. Got it? OK, now help me thaw out Disney and I'll run a filmstrip on why the Jews are OK too.
 
2012-10-13 11:11:01 AM  

Crudbucket: Thunderboy: So now we're just calling every stupid throwaway joke a "meme"?

The word now holds as much of its original meaning as "hipster".

RIP Hipster Meme


Bravo.
 
2012-10-13 11:12:51 AM  

MonkeyAngst: grokca: So everyone assumes she is a slut and will have a child out of wedlock.

Hey, he's awake! Easy now old timer, you're OK. You've been in cryosleep for a long time now. It's 2012. I know, big scary world. Nope, no flying cars yet. Sorry. Hopefully you didn't bring your slut-shaming and single-mother-shaming with you from 1950... we actually like women nowadays. Well, apart from some elected officials. Got it? OK, now help me thaw out Disney and I'll run a filmstrip on why the Jews are OK too.


As soon as I adjust my onion I will have something witty to say, get back to you.
 
2012-10-13 11:13:30 AM  

HarlequinGuy: A dumb, teasing headline, linked to dumb story, on a site incapable of anything else.


teufelaffe.com
 
2012-10-13 11:43:48 AM  
imageshack.us
 
2012-10-13 11:50:01 AM  

Beerguy: RevMercutio: Anna Kendrick's twitter is pretty fun, too.

Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes "say masturbate, it'll be hilarious"- Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) September 24, 2012


Ernest Borgnine did it first....and on live TV.


Okay that was funny, also the reactions of the three others was fun, especially when one of the guys says "And I shook his hand." Old people can get by with saying anything. It's like they think, "Who cares I'm gonna be dead sooner than later..."
 
2012-10-13 12:33:55 PM  
...Girl gave a new meaning to the term 'flight suit': 

images.alibi.com
 
2012-10-13 04:15:00 PM  
Has anyone mentioned that she's rather easy on the eyes?
 
2012-10-13 06:30:34 PM  
This is the woman they should be casting to play superheroes. She has tone. She has muscles. She's not built like a twig.

But nooooooooo... They cast Alba, or Johansson, or other people who look like they couldn't win an arm wrestling competition with Justin Bieber.

Ugh.
 
2012-10-13 09:46:16 PM  
On the commentary for 'Rules of Attraction' (awesome movie) one of the girls talked about how all the women on set were laughing at how absurdly perfect JB's body is. Funny face, great bod, 'rusty pipes'.
 
2012-10-13 10:50:28 PM  
Wife said Jessica isn't hot. Anyone out there a divorce lawyer?
 
2012-10-13 11:19:17 PM  
I have no idea what a Jessica Biel is
fashion.blogorganization.comwww.thememyphone.com
but I know what is a Jennifer Beals.

Wonder if she ever was told to name her kid get Batmo or Ottomo or Snowmo
 
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