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(Telegraph)   Saudi-Arabia wants global internet censorship. Subby wants a threesome with Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson, but I bet that won't happen either   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 79
    More: Asinine, Saudi Arabia, Politics of Saudi Arabia, Christopher Stevens, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel, denial-of-service attack, prompt corner  
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1463 clicks; posted to Politics » on 12 Oct 2012 at 12:07 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-12 10:19:43 AM  
Wow, Christians and Muslims have something in common again!

Whodathinkit?
 
2012-10-12 10:44:53 AM  
I'd go more the Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman route, myself
 
2012-10-12 10:46:06 AM  
Or since we're in THAT level of improbability, I'd go for 2006 Natalie Portman and 1987 Uma Thurmann
 
2012-10-12 11:15:58 AM  
i'm pretty sure that a Jessica Biel/Scarlett Johansson threesome would kill me.
 
2012-10-12 11:20:07 AM  

Weaver95: i'm pretty sure that a Jessica Biel/Scarlett Johansson threesome would kill me.


There isn't a mortician in the world that would be able to chisel the grin off the body though.
 
2012-10-12 11:26:50 AM  

R.A.Danny: Weaver95: i'm pretty sure that a Jessica Biel/Scarlett Johansson threesome would kill me.

There isn't a mortician in the world that would be able to chisel the grin off the body though.


well yeah.
 
2012-10-12 11:27:56 AM  

Weaver95: R.A.Danny: Weaver95: i'm pretty sure that a Jessica Biel/Scarlett Johansson threesome would kill me.

There isn't a mortician in the world that would be able to chisel the grin off the body though.

well yeah.


And imagine the work they would have to do to get the coffin lid closed....
 
2012-10-12 12:12:33 PM  
Try to get a story published about Bahrain... Seems like they are doing a pretty good job of it already, sites like this one totally comply too and will only green stories from places feeding the status-quo narrative. I mean come on, remember the Iran green band...lol
 
2012-10-12 12:13:39 PM  
I am sure the American Talibantm would agree with them.
 
2012-10-12 12:15:57 PM  
How about no farking way you piece of shiat censor-mongers.

Does no FARKING WAY work for you?
 
2012-10-12 12:16:20 PM  

R.A.Danny: Weaver95: R.A.Danny: Weaver95: i'm pretty sure that a Jessica Biel/Scarlett Johansson threesome would kill me.

There isn't a mortician in the world that would be able to chisel the grin off the body though.

well yeah.

And imagine the work they would have to do to get the coffin lid closed....


That's what a band saw is for.
 
2012-10-12 12:18:49 PM  
Wah, someone insulted poor wittle Mohammed.
 
2012-10-12 12:19:48 PM  
If they are so committed to their God, instead of trying to censor it; why don't they just forgo the internet?
 
2012-10-12 12:19:57 PM  
Maybe they can get some of that firewall technology from China. Outside of their borders though, they're on their own.
 
2012-10-12 12:21:37 PM  

kbronsito: If they are so committed to their God, instead of trying to censor it; why don't they just forgo the internet?


This is a great idea.

After all, isn't being "worldly" a sin in most of these fundamentalist religions?

I'd rather them be exposed to the broader world around them via an uncensored internet though.
 
2012-10-12 12:27:25 PM  

unlikely: I'd go more the Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman route, myself


something something Rachael Leigh Cook
 
2012-10-12 12:30:10 PM  
All right, goddamn it...

Unleash the 4-chan hordes! These theocratic fark-tards need a lesson.
 
2012-10-12 12:36:23 PM  
Mohammed was a slave-owning warlord pedarast. Anyone who would revere him deserves to be shunned and ridiculed.
 
2012-10-12 12:37:50 PM  

unlikely: I'd go more the Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman route, myself


Your newsletter... subscribe me it.
 
2012-10-12 12:37:56 PM  

sprawl15: unlikely: I'd go more the Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman route, myself

something something Rachael Leigh Cook


Ohhh... and Phoebe Cates, now that you mention it. And since I'm allowing a time machine in this just-as-likely scenario, Phoebe Cates of 1988.
 
2012-10-12 12:40:06 PM  
Here's a better idea. We'll kill everyone in Saudi Arabia and take the farking oil. We'll demolish that stupid block and anyone who gets pissed about it, we'll farking kill you too. For the good of the rest of the damn world.
 
2012-10-12 12:41:22 PM  
came for pictures, leaving disappointed.
 
2012-10-12 12:42:21 PM  

meat0918: kbronsito: If they are so committed to their God, instead of trying to censor it; why don't they just forgo the internet?

This is a great idea.

After all, isn't being "worldly" a sin in most of these fundamentalist religions?

I'd rather them be exposed to the broader world around them via an uncensored internet though.


So would I... but you gotta love the hypocrisy.

Apparently the inconvenience of not having the internet plus the financial costs are obviously > God. Which means anyone in the middle east (who agrees with censoring the internet) that is currently online is a blasphemous heathen and should be put to the sword.
 
2012-10-12 12:44:14 PM  
Ermmm....how about no. There, that was easy.
 
2012-10-12 12:44:41 PM  
Allies of Evil.
 
2012-10-12 12:45:03 PM  
 
2012-10-12 12:45:52 PM  

Greenland Bob: came for pictures, leaving disappointed.


imageshack.us
 
2012-10-12 12:45:57 PM  
I would like to have a gay threesome with Muhammad and Allah. This will include sex toys made of bacon. Everything is better with bacon.
 
2012-10-12 12:47:15 PM  
Screw 'em and their Muslim outrage. British dude said it better than I ever could.
Link
 
2012-10-12 12:49:11 PM  
www.manolith.com
 
2012-10-12 12:53:01 PM  
If you subscribe to the infinite universes model, there is another dimension where you are nailing those pussies with regularity.

I subscribe.
 
2012-10-12 12:53:52 PM  

R.A.Danny: Weaver95: i'm pretty sure that a Jessica Biel/Scarlett Johansson threesome would kill me.

There isn't a mortician in the world that would be able to chisel the grin off the body though.


i.imgur.com

RIP Weaver
 
2012-10-12 12:57:06 PM  
How about not looking "for things that will offend you" on the internet?
 
2012-10-12 12:58:34 PM  
Jessica Alba and Mila Kunis please.
 
2012-10-12 01:00:54 PM  
Any two hot young actresses.

shiat, any ONE.
 
2012-10-12 01:03:31 PM  
You'd think they'd be secure enough in their faith to ignore outsiders trying to rustle their jimmies.
 
2012-10-12 01:04:24 PM  
Jessica Biel has herpes. I'll pass and just take Scarlett, thanks.
 
2012-10-12 01:07:47 PM  
Sounds like they have been eating too much wahabi with their sushi
 
2012-10-12 01:13:48 PM  
FTA: "Any reasonable person would know that this film would foment violence and, indeed, many innocent persons have died and been injured with this film as a root cause," the Saudi submission said.

That is the root cause? THAT is the root cause? Maybe it is because your people are a bunch of backwards religious idiots who think farking MURDERING people is a reasonable response to a YouTube video.
 
2012-10-12 01:14:07 PM  

unlikely: I'd go more the Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman route, myself


Having the hots for Portman betrays a high likelihood for pedophilia. Chick looks like she's 15.
 
2012-10-12 01:16:25 PM  
FTA: "Any reasonable person would know that this film would foment violence and, indeed, many innocent persons have died and been injured with this film as a root cause," the Saudi submission said.

Looks like the Saudis are admitting that a large percentage of Muslims have the emotional stability and self-control of a sugar-jacked 4-year-old.
 
2012-10-12 01:19:48 PM  

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: unlikely: I'd go more the Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman route, myself

Having the hots for Portman betrays a high likelihood for pedophilia. Chick looks like she's 15.


Yeah, when I turned 30 I was constantly thinking 17 year olds were 12. Not sure how old I'll have to be to mistake 31 for 15, but I can understand how you can see it that way.
 
2012-10-12 01:25:44 PM  
Maybe if you don't like it, you should fark right off back to the 13th century. You're practically there anyway.

/like we're ever going to apply Saudi Arabia's speech standards on a global level
//prepare for new right-wing fear mongering about "Obummer's gonna allow the UN to shut you up for not being a Muslin!"
 
2012-10-12 01:26:41 PM  

unlikely: I'd go more the Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman route, myself


Not Latin enough. At least consider Isis Valverde (WARNING: probably not safe for work, almost certainly not safe for your productivity.)
 
2012-10-12 01:30:50 PM  
Don't be so down, subby. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone!
 
2012-10-12 01:34:05 PM  
FTFA: "...there is a crying need for international collaboration to address 'freedom of expression' which clearly disregards public order".

Brilliant idea! Let's set up a mechanism whereby one can legally silence one's political opponents by simply creating a big enough ruckus. No way that will never be abused!
 
2012-10-12 01:41:59 PM  
step 1) create an intranet for your country
step 2) censor the hell out of it
step 3) leave the rest of us alone
 
2012-10-12 01:42:31 PM  
the asian chick from Gangnam Style + the redhead that captured Jon Snow in GoT for me will do nicely.
Sorry, dont know their names.
 
2012-10-12 01:42:56 PM  
Proposal: anyone who wishes to log onto the internet must watch the Innocence of Muslims, and if they attempt to stab or set fire to anything, they get redirected to CompuServe circa 1997, and are told that's the Internet.

I would also accept substituting this video.
 
2012-10-12 01:51:28 PM  

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: unlikely: I'd go more the Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman route, myself

Having the hots for Portman betrays a high likelihood for pedophilia. Chick looks like she's 15.


Here we go.

/corollary to Godwin's Law: the same goes for mentions of pedophilia
 
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