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(Starpulse)   "Kevin James has a weird profession and a too-hot wife #5" isn't the Oscar contender we all thought it would be   (starpulse.com) divider line 86
    More: Obvious, Oscar, Paul Blart, Henry Winkler, school nurse, swinging, Salma Hayek  
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13731 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 11 Oct 2012 at 4:10 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



86 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-10-11 12:40:09 PM
Oh come on, Salma Hayek? Leah Remini was ridiculous enough but Salma?
 
2012-10-11 12:44:43 PM
I'm sorry, a movie called "Here Comes the Boom" isn't ever going to be a contender for anything but the $2 sales bin at your local Best Buy.
 
2012-10-11 12:46:48 PM
I almost threw a shoe at the TV when I saw that Selma Hayak was the love interest in the ad.
 
2012-10-11 12:48:12 PM
i.ytimg.com
 
2012-10-11 12:52:17 PM
I'm really hoping this movie plays up Bas Rutten more than Kevin James
 
2012-10-11 01:13:26 PM

One Bad Apple: I'm really hoping this movie plays up Bas Rutten more than Kevin James


Bas is the man. More people must embrace El Guapo.
 
2012-10-11 01:20:44 PM

TheCharmerUnderMe: I almost threw a shoe at the TV when I saw that Selma Hayak was the love interest in the ad.


I feel the same way every time I see one of David Spades leading ladies.
 
2012-10-11 01:28:49 PM
Weird, seeing Henry Winkler in this jarred loose a memory of that movie where he becomes a professional wrestler when he can't get a job acting.
 
2012-10-11 01:28:56 PM

sammyk: TheCharmerUnderMe: I almost threw a shoe at the TV when I saw that Selma Hayak was the love interest in the ad.

I feel the same way every time I see one of David Spades leading ladies.


You do realize that David Spade has one of the most impressive dating rap sheets in Hollywood right? No one knows why, but he lands A LOT of hotties.

David Spade dating history
 
2012-10-11 01:36:48 PM

scottydoesntknow: sammyk: TheCharmerUnderMe: I almost threw a shoe at the TV when I saw that Selma Hayak was the love interest in the ad.

I feel the same way every time I see one of David Spades leading ladies.

You do realize that David Spade has one of the most impressive dating rap sheets in Hollywood right? No one knows why, but he lands A LOT of hotties.

David Spade dating history


goddamnitsomuch fark that guy! Are you trying to piss me off?
 
2012-10-11 01:41:16 PM

scottydoesntknow: sammyk: TheCharmerUnderMe: I almost threw a shoe at the TV when I saw that Selma Hayak was the love interest in the ad.

I feel the same way every time I see one of David Spades leading ladies.

You do realize that David Spade has one of the most impressive dating rap sheets in Hollywood right? No one knows why, but he lands A LOT of hotties.

David Spade dating history


Yeah, David Spade gets girls in real life because he's rich and has the kind of smarmy asshole-ness that a lot of chicks with low self esteem dig, I get that. But Kevin James always plays a dumpy loser with no real charisma yet somehow hooks up with a hot intelligent woman who manages to put up with him. I have to reserve that sort of suspension of disbelief for comic book movies or movies where Russel Brand is supposed to be funny.
 
2012-10-11 02:46:57 PM
Salma Hayek as a nurse? If there is enough requisite clevage, this may be on many a farker's DVR in a year or two...
 
2012-10-11 03:04:55 PM
Blart and Zoo Keeper actually amused me, this looks like it really sucks. One real plus about Kevin James films; They're like watching an Adam Sandler movie without having to see Adam Sandler.
 
2012-10-11 04:16:21 PM
One of many truly funny comedians who should have never made the switch to acting.
 
2012-10-11 04:17:23 PM
Here Comes Unfunny Boom-Boom
 
2012-10-11 04:20:25 PM
I'll just leave this here

media.celebrity-pictures.ca
 
2012-10-11 04:20:27 PM

LawPD: One of many truly funny comedians who should have never made the switch to acting.


i.imgur.com
 
2012-10-11 04:23:48 PM
There really aren't layers to its humor, and clearly comes off generated for a specific audience.

Duhhhhh

I don't expect this movie to win Oscars but I'll probably watch it On Demand
 
2012-10-11 04:25:24 PM

scottydoesntknow: You do realize that David Spade has one of the most impressive dating rap sheets in Hollywood right? No one knows why, but he lands A LOT of hotties.

David Spade dating history


Holy.........he's a God. I mean he is God in a goofy looking meat suit.

Mmmm Brittany Daniel.

You the man David. *knucks*
 
2012-10-11 04:25:45 PM
'Prinz' Lee Romero needs a copy editor. Chunks of that were barely English.
 
2012-10-11 04:26:13 PM
www.cwomen.com
 
2012-10-11 04:27:08 PM
Kevin James? Meh,,,

This thread needs more Salma Hayek..

www.howmuchdotheyweigh.com

userserve-ak.last.fm 

/hot
//a man can always dream..
 
2012-10-11 04:28:50 PM

Girion47: [www.cwomen.com image 450x912]


Gotdamn, those hips
 
2012-10-11 04:29:01 PM
And uniforms, don't forget uniforms. Kevin James will never turn down a scrip[t where he gets to wear a uniform.
 
2012-10-11 04:39:26 PM
I would like to read Tigra and Bunny's review of this movie as I know that they both like the boom.
 
2012-10-11 04:56:12 PM
fark you, Kevin James. This is now an "implausible fictional Kevin James spouses" thread.

images.celebritymoviearchive.com
 
2012-10-11 04:59:37 PM
There's a place in the world for movies like this. Why does every movie have to be a metaphysical trip through the human soul? It's a silly movie about a failing school (something people can relate to) with an interesting premise on how to raise money. Sure, it's not something I'd queue up around the corner to see and it won't win at Cannes, but I'm sure that it's got a few chuckles along the way and I bet it doesn't take itself too seriously. I don't think Kevin James is out there trying to tell people it's the movie of the decade. It's escapism more than art, and that seems okay...

/welcometofark.jpg
//I like KJ
///Dollar theaters rule
 
2012-10-11 05:01:36 PM

jazz710: //I like KJ


Get a rope.
 
2012-10-11 05:02:18 PM
I heard RemIni is a Scientologist. And the whole fat thing, yeah...
Like a lot of guys, I've found myself watching old eps of KoQ for one damn reason, though.

'That's a spicy-a meatball!'
 
2012-10-11 05:09:44 PM
Link

Is it really that unbelievable that he'd get the hot chick? The link above is him with his actual wife. (Sorry, I'm having issues adding the photo for some reason).
 
2012-10-11 05:16:11 PM
I missed the part where they said Salma's character was his wife. Can someone point that out?

Oh, subby was wrong? huh.
 
2012-10-11 05:25:13 PM

SweetRoisinDubh: Link

Is it really that unbelievable that he'd get the hot chick? The link above is him with his actual wife. (Sorry, I'm having issues adding the photo for some reason).


To be fair, in real life he's rich and (as far as Hollywood comic actors go) successful. In his movies he always plays dumpy losers but manages to still score the same quality of tail.
 
2012-10-11 05:41:28 PM

Klippoklondike: One Bad Apple: I'm really hoping this movie plays up Bas Rutten more than Kevin James

Bas is the man. More people must embrace El Guapo.


Punk Payback is by far one of the most entertaining things on television.

"A little shove and my old pal Newton does the rest."
 
2012-10-11 05:42:02 PM

SweetRoisinDubh: Link

Is it really that unbelievable that he'd get the hot chick? The link above is him with his actual wife. (Sorry, I'm having issues adding the photo for some reason).


There'$ $omething about Kevin Jame$ that make$ him attractive.
 
2012-10-11 05:56:48 PM

tarkus1980: SweetRoisinDubh: Link

Is it really that unbelievable that he'd get the hot chick? The link above is him with his actual wife. (Sorry, I'm having issues adding the photo for some reason).

To be fair, in real life he's rich and (as far as Hollywood comic actors go) successful. In his movies he always plays dumpy losers but manages to still score the same quality of tail.


What? So things in movies are sometimes exaggerated and don't depict real life? My whole reality is ruined!!
 
2012-10-11 05:58:26 PM

One Bad Apple: I'm really hoping this movie plays up Bas Rutten more than Kevin James


"I don't know what you are talking about, but I'm pretty sure it's covered in my next book."

/Bas is comedy gold
//and a hell of a good guy
 
2012-10-11 06:00:59 PM

indarwinsshadow: I'll just leave this here

[media.celebrity-pictures.ca image 850x637]


Dem hips
 
2012-10-11 06:03:54 PM

Rickj: tarkus1980: SweetRoisinDubh: Link

Is it really that unbelievable that he'd get the hot chick? The link above is him with his actual wife. (Sorry, I'm having issues adding the photo for some reason).

To be fair, in real life he's rich and (as far as Hollywood comic actors go) successful. In his movies he always plays dumpy losers but manages to still score the same quality of tail.

What? So things in movies are sometimes exaggerated and don't depict real life? My whole reality is ruined!!


I like to believe the islands in Jurassic Park are real.
 
2012-10-11 06:13:11 PM
Not sure which is lower, my expectations for that movie or the writing quality of that review.
 
2012-10-11 06:23:29 PM

czetie: Not sure which is lower, my expectations for that movie or the writing quality of that review.


It was geared for a specific audience... just like the movie it was halfheartedly slamming.
 
2012-10-11 06:30:22 PM

Girion47:


Carla Tortelli's daughter is all grown up!

/yeah I'm that old
 
2012-10-11 06:38:32 PM

Okoboji: czetie: Not sure which is lower, my expectations for that movie or the writing quality of that review.

It was geared for a specific audience... just like the movie it was halfheartedly slamming.


Except the specific audience for the movie wants little more than popcorn flick fun, while the specific audience for the review seems to have some forty foot soapbox on which to insult and demean everyone who doesn't think indecipherable indie film you've never seen in an extinct language is the epitome of cinema.

One is harmless, the other needs to be shot.

/it's a popcorn movie
//Yes, it's farking stupid, that's THE WHOLE POINT
 
2012-10-11 06:48:43 PM

whither_apophis: Girion47:

Carla Tortelli's daughter is all grown up!

/yeah I'm that old


I had a major crush on her in Saved By The Bell, we can be old together.
 
2012-10-11 06:51:39 PM

Mugato: Oh come on, Salma Hayek?


Mugato: Oh come on, Salma Hayek?


All I wanted to say. Oh yeah, this--I like David Spade. So there. And there is nothing wrong with my self ex-teem.
 
2012-10-11 06:58:58 PM
From Wikipedia:

Personal life

On June 19, 2004, James married actress Steffiana de la Cruz.[13] Their first child, daughter Sienna-Marie, was born 2005. Their second daughter, Shea Joelle, was born 2007, she was named after the ballpark Shea Stadium.[14] They welcomed their first son and third child, Kannon Valentine, 2011.
 

Steffiana De La Cruz
img1.bdbphotos.com
 
2012-10-11 07:24:17 PM
First step to being able to date someone is just being able to meet them. It's not necessarily that guys like Kevin James or David Spade have anything particularly special going on, it's just that they're in the sort of jobs and social circles where one meets famous attractive women. Eventually you'll find the ones that know they can get any attractive guy and are more interested in the ones who can make them laugh and feel comfortable.

/Being rich doesn't hurt, of course. The blow-them-out-of-the-water first date is easier to pull off when you're willing to blow 50k
 
2012-10-11 07:28:42 PM
Doesn't hurt that by all accounts he's a decent guy who does what's required in his job, shows up on time, doesn't act like an ass on the job and so forth. You hear a lot that directors would rather work with someone like that than someone who might be great but also acts like an ass all the time. (Daniel Day Lewis might be intense and way into the part while on set, but never seems like he's an ass about it.)
 
2012-10-11 07:29:25 PM
For the ladies:

bearmythology.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-10-11 07:35:51 PM

Texas Gabe: From Wikipedia:

Personal life

On June 19, 2004, James married actress Steffiana de la Cruz.[13] Their first child, daughter Sienna-Marie, was born 2005. Their second daughter, Shea Joelle, was born 2007, she was named after the ballpark Shea Stadium.[14] They welcomed their first son and third child, Kannon Valentine, 2011. 

Steffiana De La Cruz
[img1.bdbphotos.com image 450x629]



GIS her and you see that oddly enough, this dude isn't really taking a huge step up (if at all) in believabiltiy to have Leah Remini as his wife. Now Salma, that is not believable: Not believable for really any man unless he is a freaking billionaire.
 
2012-10-11 08:05:40 PM
Their second daughter, Shea Joelle, was born 2007, she was named after the ballpark Shea Stadium

WTF?
 
2012-10-11 08:29:32 PM
Nacho Libre 2: Here Comes the Boom
 
HBK
2012-10-11 08:34:01 PM

Okoboji: czetie: Not sure which is lower, my expectations for that movie or the writing quality of that review.

It was geared for a specific audience... just like the movie it was halfheartedly slamming.


Before I could finish, I stopped reading that article, it hurt my eyeballs- that man has no business writing- english.
 
2012-10-11 08:55:26 PM
I'll only go to see this if the theater sells out "Will Farrell has a weird profession and suddenly strips for some reason #5" because I hear there's this one funny scene where he just says random stuff.

/True story: The entirety of the Talladega Nights pitch was: "Will Farrell as a NASCAR driver."
 
2012-10-11 09:14:03 PM

indarwinsshadow: I'll just leave this here

[media.celebrity-pictures.ca image 850x637]

 
 
I didn't know this was even possible but that somehow manages to merge the concepst of "thong" and "granny undies."
 
2012-10-11 09:26:54 PM
i really liked the King of Queens episodes.
Love me some Leah.
I really like kevin, just wish he'd do some more .... how should i say, .... movies aimed at an audience older than 12?



/Really liked him in Hitch.
 
2012-10-11 09:30:22 PM
It's like Kevin James has borrowed a page out of Adam Sandler's play book.

Hmmm...

Hey, look, Happy Madison Productions. Adam Sandler in the producers catagory.

Adam Sandler has mastered making a well showing movie on a smallish budget, and now Kevin James allows for more productions to the formula. Yes, Adam Sandler owns Kevin James's fat ass.
 
2012-10-11 09:31:59 PM

phantomht: i really liked the King of Queens episodes.
Love me some Leah.
I really like kevin, just wish he'd do some more .... how should i say, .... movies aimed at an audience older than 12?



/Really liked him in Hitch.


I agree on all counts.
 
2012-10-11 09:39:53 PM
I remember seeing some of the marketing materials street teams had put out and wondering why anyone would think that a movie could sell on Kevin James' name alone. They just started running ads that hinted at a plot in my local alt weekly. Are there really people who will go see him because he's in it?
 
2012-10-11 09:54:00 PM

LawPD: One of many truly funny comedians who should have never made the switch to acting.


This
 
2012-10-11 09:58:21 PM

indarwinsshadow: I'll just leave this here

[media.celebrity-pictures.ca image 850x637]


I can see the Scientology crawling all around the inside of that. 

/ Not gay.
// Just not willing to stick my dick in crazy.
 
2012-10-11 10:04:10 PM
Fat comedians should stay fat. I'm looking at you, Jonah Hill.
 
2012-10-11 10:45:11 PM

phantomht: iI really like kevin, just wish he'd do some more .... how should i say, .... movies aimed at an audience older than 12?

/Really liked him in Hitch.


It's the whole Sandler/Farrel syndrome. They have one go to style that gets constantly recycled but are actually capable of doing really good, toned down roles. Sadly we see more of the former.
 
2012-10-11 11:22:04 PM

Ow! That was my feelings!: LawPD: One of many truly funny comedians who should have never made the switch to acting.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUJrttQnDFE

Watch it all the way through, or skip to 5 minutes in. The beginning of that routine is funny, but not outstanding comedy. The end of it is just good enough to make him more creative than 95% of the hacks out there. If it isn't brilliant, it's close, especially the way he works up to it.
 
2012-10-12 12:34:28 AM

No Line For Beer: True story: The entirety of the Talladega Nights pitch was: "Will Farrell as a NASCAR driver."



They also stole 'my' idea of having a NASCAR driver steal the hearts of American racing fans, only to come out as gay, thereby (hopefully) eliminating bigotry and homophobia in a large swath of particularly afflicted population.*

That's not quite what they did in TN:tBoRB, but it was close enough I felt cheated/vindicated


/*Either that, or millions of exploding heads
 
2012-10-12 02:07:42 AM
when cutbacks threaten to cancel the music program and lay off its teacher (Henry Winkler), the stakes are raised, and Scott begins to raise money by dabbling as an MMA fighter.

I think I actually respect myself slightly less for knowing what this plot is referencing.

i.crackedcdn.com

//Though he made a Cracked list so I guess it's far from obscure.
 
2012-10-12 03:14:12 AM

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: For the ladies:

[bearmythology.files.wordpress.com image 425x343]


So he's fuzzy and huggable? What's not to like?
 
2012-10-12 03:36:36 AM
Let's talk about how Leah Remini seems like she's a huge biatch. Putting aside the Scientology malarkey, she just seems like an A1 Kyle's Mom sized biatch.
 
2012-10-12 04:17:06 AM

Mugato: Yeah, David Spade gets girls in real life because he's rich and has the kind of smarmy asshole-ness that a lot of chicks with low self esteem dig, I get that.


There was an entire article once, written by a former classmate of him, detailing how he got plenty of first-class poomtang even when he was a not-rich nobody.
 
2012-10-12 04:40:26 AM

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Fat comedians should stay fat. I'm looking at you, Jonah Hill.


Jonah is weird looking skinny, but I wouldn't expect him to blow up to as fat as he was.

Fat comedians are a little worried about their weight. Especially since so few of them make it into their mid-40s.
 
2012-10-12 05:19:30 AM
FUN FACT: Sara Underwood --

imageshack.us

-- has professed to having a major crush on Kevin James.


/Note to self: Crash the set of Attack of the Show in a UPS uniform.
 
2012-10-12 05:23:44 AM

Mugato: Yeah, David Spade gets girls in real life because

chicks dig the family discount at Kate Spade outlets.
 
2012-10-12 05:47:43 AM

Archimedes' Principal:
// Just not willing to stick my dick in crazy.


i2.cdn.turner.com

Don't knock it til you've tried it.
 
2012-10-12 06:38:00 AM

FunkOut: Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: For the ladies:

[bearmythology.files.wordpress.com image 425x343]

So he's fuzzy and huggable? What's not to like?


Real hooters, Jerry.
 
2012-10-12 07:56:40 AM

Texas Gabe: From Wikipedia:

Personal life

On June 19, 2004, James married actress Steffiana de la Cruz.[13] Their first child, daughter Sienna-Marie, was born 2005. Their second daughter, Shea Joelle, was born 2007, she was named after the ballpark Shea Stadium.[14] They welcomed their first son and third child, Kannon Valentine, 2011. 

Steffiana De La Cruz
[img1.bdbphotos.com image 450x629]


Damn! He shoots and scores! But she must also have a think for heavier guys - she lived with Chris Penn in the 90s.
 
2012-10-12 08:19:13 AM

scottydoesntknow: [i.ytimg.com image 480x360]


POD?

Are they still around?
 
2012-10-12 08:23:53 AM

RyansPrivates: Texas Gabe: From Wikipedia:

Their second daughter, Shea Joelle, was born 2007, she was named after the ballpark Shea Stadium.


Hoping their next child is a boy, James & Wife have already chosen the name Randy's Donuts.
 
2012-10-12 08:50:51 AM
I actually saw Here Comes the Boom at a sneak preview the other night.
A coworker won tickets from a radio station and gave them to me.

The movie was much better than I thought it would be. Kinda cheesy, but not so much so that I had to dismiss it.

Not too bad for a family film, really.
 
2012-10-12 09:01:36 AM

Flappyhead: Klippoklondike: One Bad Apple: I'm really hoping this movie plays up Bas Rutten more than Kevin James

Bas is the man. More people must embrace El Guapo.

Punk Payback is by far one of the most entertaining things on television.

"A little shove and my old pal Newton does the rest."


Bas' 99.5% grasp of English is great.
 
2012-10-12 09:43:38 AM
i thought it said kevin smith, and i was confused... although, i'm still confused about kevin james
 
2012-10-12 10:37:27 AM

whither_apophis: Girion47:

Carla Tortelli's daughter is all grown up!

/yeah I'm that old


Bob Newhart founded the impossibly hot tv wife syndrome.

/I'm older
 
2012-10-12 01:30:44 PM

No Line For Beer: /True story: The entirety of the Talladega Nights pitch was: "Will Farrell as a NASCAR driver."


well, since that film is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen, and one of the few that left me in actual PAIN from laughing so hard the first time I saw it, pretty good pitch, eh?

/yes, most everything has sucked since. Semi-Pro was terrible, Blades of Glory was watchable but terrible, ETC.
 
2012-10-12 01:36:11 PM

Ape Shiat Nuts: FUN FACT: Sara Underwood --

[imageshack.us image 640x480]

-- has professed to having a major crush on Kevin James.


/Note to self: Crash the set of Attack of the Show in a UPS uniform.


not going to say sara isn't hot. she is.

she also looks like Cpt Picard ordered her out of the replicator - "girl, playmate, blond, hot". there is nothing special about her and the bolt on tits were a mistake.

just saying. she is like a real doll brought to life.
 
2012-10-12 01:55:28 PM

Kurmudgeon: Their second daughter, Shea Joelle, was born 2007, she was named after the ballpark Shea Stadium

WTF?


Which was named after the Latin American revolutionary Shea Guevara.

/A legend that will last a lunchtime.
 
2012-10-12 02:38:23 PM
Teacher is a weird profession?
 
2012-10-13 03:45:30 AM

Ape Shiat Nuts: FUN FACT: Sara Underwood --
[imageshack.us image 640x480]
-- has professed to having a major crush on Kevin James.
/Note to self: Crash the set of Attack of the Show in a UPS uniform.


Yeah, are you sure you want to put stock in what an AotS host says she likes? The last Olivia Munn thread/argument here seemed to go on forever....
 
2012-10-14 06:14:09 AM
Look, if the script was good, they wouldn't cast Kevin James in it.
 
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