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(Some Guy)   The best way to deal with a bridezilla is to ignore her registry and instead buy her something inconveniently large that can't be returned. An 8 ft-tall taxidermy grizzly bear should do   (explodingunicorn.blogspot.com) divider line 51
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16742 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2012 at 3:13 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-10-11 03:28:36 PM
4 votes:
what's hilarious to me is that I am going to be a bride, getting married next summer, and now I am trying to figure out how I can put "giant stuffed grizzly bear in terrifying pose" on my bridal registry.

/it's something about the dead, dead eyes
2012-10-11 03:23:10 PM
4 votes:

IAmRight: I would LOVE to have an 8-foot bear here in the office. Bonus: school's mascot IS a bear, so it would even make sense.

Would I dress it in school-spirited clothes? Hell yeah I would. Is it going to have a dopey scarf half the time? You bet!

/better get on Kickstarter before this fella, his blog is better than mine


My boss has one in his "Office of Death! -eth -eth -eth" He's a big hunter.

/Yes, you have to say it with the echoes.
2012-10-11 04:02:48 PM
3 votes:
Taxidermy thread!

www.doobybrain.com
2012-10-11 03:27:56 PM
3 votes:
OMG BEAR is driving! HOW CAN THIS BE??
2012-10-11 03:24:56 PM
3 votes:

IAmRight: I would LOVE to have an 8-foot bear here in the office. Bonus: school's mascot IS a bear, so it would even make sense.

Would I dress it in school-spirited clothes? Hell yeah I would. Is it going to have a dopey scarf half the time? You bet!

/better get on Kickstarter before this fella, his blog is better than mine


Should we set up some kind of fundraising account with a guarantee of a follow-up and photos, WITH a promise of a bear Farkparty??

" The only way I can make this plan a reality is if I suddenly come into so much cash that money is no object. If that were the case, I'd pay for a few upgrades to the bear, like giving it red LEDs for eyes and installing a beer tap in its butthole."


/that's gold there Jerry, Gold
2012-10-11 04:33:53 PM
2 votes:

Nana's Vibrator: But neither light blue nor dark blue go with the table cloth, the center pieces, the function room rug, or the function room curtains. Red is clearly the right choice here. First you say you don't care and now you choose blue?!


I would love to go to a wedding where the groom made all of the decisions on the table settings. It would be worth it just to see what crazy shiat the guy came up with.

A guy and his best friend sitting down to brainstorm:

"Ooh! We have 32 tables to decorate! WE COULD DECORATE EACH ONE WITH THE COLORS OF EACH NFL TEAM!"

"Awesome farking idea, dude! And we could put a football helmet of each team as the centerpiece!"

"Pricey, but we could probably find a place that could rent us the helmets."

"And later on we could have a football game in the back lot and we could wear the helmets!"

"This is going to be THE BEST RECEPTION EVER!"
2012-10-11 04:12:20 PM
2 votes:

Katie98_KT: Nana's Vibrator: It was completely embarrassing to me to have a gift registry for my wedding. I can buy my own dishes, thanks. You know this because I just spent tens of thousands on the party to celebrate my marriage. Nothing about this party consisted of any choices of my own, your invitation included, but I had burned them thousands anyways. But buy me some dishes, because tradition and my future wife insist!

I need to write a book about wedding planning. Not to help plan weddings but to warn the future husbands of the world of this abomination.

if you're not involved in planning your own wedding (and you want to be), its your own damned fault. And you probably shouldn't be getting married.


You really have no idea, and you don't want to know, either. From your comment, I honestly don't know where to start. So, due to the topic, I'll start here: having a wedding registry is a completely terrible tradition. Despite tradition, the expectation of receiving gifts is extremely selfish, particularly when almost all couples (that I know) are already moved in together before the wedding and have all their housewares.
2nd:
Her: What color should the napkins be?
Him: I don't care.
Her: You should care it's your wedding, too.
Him: I don't really care. If I have to pick, I say blue.
Her: What? Blue? Wait, light blue or dark blue?
Him: Either.
Her: What?! Either?! You should care about your wedding! But neither light blue nor dark blue go with the table cloth, the center pieces, the function room rug, or the function room curtains. Red is clearly the right choice here. First you say you don't care and now you choose blue?!
Him: You're starting a fight with me over something I didn't care about in the first place. Is it going to be like this on every decision that has to be made?

You bet your sorry penis-having ass it is. Even if you did care, you're fighting about it the whole way and she's pulling the "my wedding day" routine until the day after the wedding, when she can tell stories about how people ruined her wedding day. I didn't take any specific stats, but I'll go with about 75% of the women I know did this. And then, even upon appeasing your future wife, you still have to fight with the future mother-in-law and even your own mother. Sometimes there's a 3 or 4-way disagreement. In my mind, just staying the fark out of it beats being raped in a prison shower because you offed your entire family after the whole wedding ordeal.

Let me know if you want to talk about seating charts.
2012-10-11 04:07:28 PM
2 votes:
For my wedding registry, I put one thing on it that I found and wanted. We were registered at Rich's and they had a brew your own beer kit, with it's own plastic keg and built in tap to go with all the different beer variety packets they sold. I just knew that all my buddies would see this and chip in to get it for me!
Fast forward a couple of months and sure enough, on the table at my reception, there is this large box approximately the same size as the beer maker with a label on it from my buddies - I could taste the beer already, I was so happy.
Later when we opened this gift, I was severely disappointed to find that my buddies had gifted us with a bread maker - the bastards!
After my honeymoon I talked to my best friend and asked him WTH? He informed me that they had looked at the beer maker, but decided that weddings were for the woman, so had gotten us the bread maker.
I may never forgive him for this, I would have brewed to my hearts content, but to this day can count on my fingers how many fresh loaves of bread I've eaten from the damn bread maker that sits on my shelf haunting me with its presence.
2012-10-11 03:57:46 PM
2 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: ChipNASA: ultraholland: There's really no good way to gift wrap a bear

wrap it with a bearskin rug.

Big Bird? Obama?!?!?

snort

/i want a beer :(


From a bear butt beer tap dispensing Hamms
2012-10-11 03:49:29 PM
2 votes:

Tomahawk513: My wife comes from wealthier stock and the gifts we received from them were all over the board. Some were awesome, and some were... unique. Who the hell gives a bride, a Jewish one I might add, a Kimono?


This Guy??

skunkiebutt.com
2012-10-11 03:45:29 PM
2 votes:
Honestly, buying a bear poop shoot wouldn't be the worst $500 I've ever spent. I'm looking at you, engagement ring.


LOL!!
2012-10-11 03:40:39 PM
2 votes:
...or maybe just by adding a pointy wizard hat. This wedding is in the South, so we'd disappoint a lot of people when we reveal the huge Klan statue in the corner is actually a bear.

I chuckled.
2012-10-11 03:39:26 PM
2 votes:
Well, it's nice to see that someone is thinking ahead to all the years of happy family gatherings to come.
2012-10-11 03:39:18 PM
2 votes:

TaterTot_HotDish: what's hilarious to me is that I am going to be a bride, getting married next summer, and now I am trying to figure out how I can put "giant stuffed grizzly bear in terrifying pose" on my bridal registry.

/it's something about the dead, dead eyes



You do what me and my wife did, you include a note with your invitations stating:

Gifts Not Required, but if you must the following list is what we need:

Target Registry
Bed Bath and Beyond Registry
Learjet 55C/LR
Rolls-Royce Corniche (Preferably from 1989-1996)
2012-10-11 03:32:40 PM
2 votes:
Buying a bear is excessively expensive because you can't just walk into Wal-Mart and buy taxidermy. A hunter has to pay for a gun, a license, a hunting expedition, and a mounting service. Then, after he puts all this time and money into creating a very personalized trophy, he has to decide he's sick of the thing and wants sell it. In order to buy a mounted bear, you need to find someone who enjoys spending money and killing stuff as much as he likes changing his mind. Such a person would be an unreliable eBay vendor but a great president.

Win.
2012-10-11 03:31:18 PM
2 votes:

CygnusDarius
I don't think the groom will not enjoy this gift. And, it can double as a weapon. Two weapons.


Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.
2012-10-11 03:29:30 PM
2 votes:
Amanda, you've hated me for a very long time. Here's a bear.
2012-10-11 03:28:49 PM
2 votes:

db2: Nope, Chuck Testa.


Nope, Gene Masseth
2012-10-11 03:18:52 PM
2 votes:
Anyone else read that as "an 8-in long double-headed dildo?" Just me? OK.
2012-10-11 02:45:03 PM
2 votes:
I kinda want to invite this guy to my wedding, just so I could get a stuffed bear.
2012-10-11 07:26:36 PM
1 votes:

Igor Jakovsky: umad: kvinesknows: umad: A friend of mine married a real coont like ten years ago. We didn't want to get her anything so my buddies and I all chipped in and bought him a 1911.

/ they're still married
// she's still a coont
///csb

what the hekc is a 1911?

[upload.wikimedia.org image 300x185]

Was that for him or for her?


I don't think you worded your question right...

Could go multiple ways, is all I'm saying.
2012-10-11 07:13:49 PM
1 votes:

HellRaisingHoosier: This is why I love when my rednecks get married.

One of my best buddies got married a few years ago. His wife said she would take care of the location and decorations if he took care of the food/drinks and music. I shiat you not: Beautiful outdoor wedding arrangement as well as reception area ... with 6 kegs of microbrew, several cases of wine and liquor, and a Rush cover band.


They can't be _that_ redneck if it was microbrew. Redneck weddings have Bud AND Miller.
2012-10-11 06:28:50 PM
1 votes:

AngryRadio: All this talk of disgruntled grooms, it makes me wonder just how awesome gay marriages are for both grooms (and both brides for that matter!)?

This brings to mind a question. If both grooms ARE "bears", do you still give them a Taxidermied bear?


Of course, where else will they put the fleshlight?
2012-10-11 06:22:46 PM
1 votes:
This is why I love when my rednecks get married.

One of my best buddies got married a few years ago. His wife said she would take care of the location and decorations if he took care of the food/drinks and music. I shiat you not: Beautiful outdoor wedding arrangement as well as reception area ... with 6 kegs of microbrew, several cases of wine and liquor, and a Rush cover band.

The bride was puking in the bushes about 2 hours into the reception. I asked my buddy the groom how he was going to "consummate their love" if she was out cold. He replied, "shiat, she probably was the first time we farked after I picked her up at the Lew (local bar)."
2012-10-11 05:54:15 PM
1 votes:

the_vicious_fez: theMagni: the_vicious_fez:

I was trying to imagine how that sort of session would go among my bf and his friends. After long and careful thought, I have come to the conclusion that every table would have a bread board, a soldering iron, a multimeter, and a pile of old components and motors and the reception would be a junkyard wars-style contest to build a mini killer robot.


I want you to listen to me very carefully.

When / if you get married, if you do that, I want you to invite me. I will fly down there.

Well, I'd be game for it. Seating would be weird though. We'd have to spread out the EE types among all the tables, which means they might get a little lonely all by themselves.

Also, I'm not EE. I'm FA/CS. I'll be in charge of modding the nerf guns for ranged attacks and doing Warhammer 40k paint jobs on everything.


Ouch, I don't have a problem talking to strangers. [Ask my ex, she thought I was flirting with everyone. ;) ] I was the chair of my local branch for a couple of years, I even MCed a conference. Although admittedly that would be weird. "How do you know the groom? "I just flew down here for the robotics competition. I'm from the Internet."

I think everyone here has painted eyebrows on a 1" tall man. (They ARE NOT dolls. They are TACTICAL MINIATURES!)
2012-10-11 05:27:28 PM
1 votes:

abhorrent1: Lando Lincoln: I would love to go to a wedding where the groom made all of the decisions on the table settings. It would be worth it just to see what crazy shiat the guy came up with.

Crazy or AWESOME?


That does look awesome!!!

Alas, I've got my heart set on having a small wedding at my cabin in the mountians... all I need is the man
2012-10-11 05:12:43 PM
1 votes:

the_vicious_fez:

I was trying to imagine how that sort of session would go among my bf and his friends. After long and careful thought, I have come to the conclusion that every table would have a bread board, a soldering iron, a multimeter, and a pile of old components and motors and the reception would be a junkyard wars-style contest to build a mini killer robot.


I want you to listen to me very carefully.

When / if you get married, if you do that, I want you to invite me. I will fly down there.
2012-10-11 05:09:36 PM
1 votes:

ThighsofGlory: I want to talk about seating charts.


My future mother in law and father in law haven't been in the same room without the presence of a judge since 1994. Should I sit them together?
2012-10-11 04:45:08 PM
1 votes:
Swoop1809

My girlfriend and I decided when our friends start getting married we will be getting them all a slap chop and an aluma wallet. Eventually they will catch on and stop inviting us to weddings


they are going to love your nuts.
2012-10-11 04:42:50 PM
1 votes:

Lando Lincoln: Nana's Vibrator: But neither light blue nor dark blue go with the table cloth, the center pieces, the function room rug, or the function room curtains. Red is clearly the right choice here. First you say you don't care and now you choose blue?!

I would love to go to a wedding where the groom made all of the decisions on the table settings. It would be worth it just to see what crazy shiat the guy came up with.

A guy and his best friend sitting down to brainstorm:

"Ooh! We have 32 tables to decorate! WE COULD DECORATE EACH ONE WITH THE COLORS OF EACH NFL TEAM!"

"Awesome farking idea, dude! And we could put a football helmet of each team as the centerpiece!"

"Pricey, but we could probably find a place that could rent us the helmets."

"And later on we could have a football game in the back lot and we could wear the helmets!"

"This is going to be THE BEST RECEPTION EVER!"


I was trying to imagine how that sort of session would go among my bf and his friends. After long and careful thought, I have come to the conclusion that every table would have a bread board, a soldering iron, a multimeter, and a pile of old components and motors and the reception would be a junkyard wars-style contest to build a mini killer robot.

Beats the hell out of the penis measuring contests they get into now about who works for the company with the fastest super computer.
2012-10-11 04:41:37 PM
1 votes:
If she doesn't dig a giant grizzly bear with LED eyes and a beer-tap-butt I don't want to marry her.

In fact, I'm going to add it to my litmus test for dating.

/Also always thought it insane to spend tens of thousands on a wedding. Spend on your house and/or some cool vacations. Or a giant bear with LED eyes and a beer-tap-butt!!!
2012-10-11 04:37:28 PM
1 votes:

Lando Lincoln: Nana's Vibrator: But neither light blue nor dark blue go with the table cloth, the center pieces, the function room rug, or the function room curtains. Red is clearly the right choice here. First you say you don't care and now you choose blue?!

I would love to go to a wedding where the groom made all of the decisions on the table settings. It would be worth it just to see what crazy shiat the guy came up with.

A guy and his best friend sitting down to brainstorm:

"Ooh! We have 32 tables to decorate! WE COULD DECORATE EACH ONE WITH THE COLORS OF EACH NFL TEAM!"

"Awesome farking idea, dude! And we could put a football helmet of each team as the centerpiece!"

"Pricey, but we could probably find a place that could rent us the helmets."

"And later on we could have a football game in the back lot and we could wear the helmets!"

"This is going to be THE BEST RECEPTION EVER!"


that DOES sound like the best reception ever.
2012-10-11 04:32:11 PM
1 votes:

WarszawaScream: As a woman who loves taxidermy - if someone bought me a giant bear for my wedding, I would sell the husband just to get a second one. One cannot have too many taxidermied bears.


can we be best friends?
2012-10-11 04:31:11 PM
1 votes:
I usually get the bride and groom something from the local head shop, but I behave when asked and simply say it's something in glass.
2012-10-11 04:22:07 PM
1 votes:
shiattynick: For my wedding registry, I put one thing on it that I found and wanted. We were registered at Rich's and they had a brew your own beer kit, with it's own plastic keg and built in tap to go with all the different beer variety packets they sold. I just knew that all my buddies would see this and chip in to get it for me!
Fast forward a couple of months and sure enough, on the table at my reception, there is this large box approximately the same size as the beer maker with a label on it from my buddies - I could taste the beer already, I was so happy.
Later when we opened this gift, I was severely disappointed to find that my buddies had gifted us with a bread maker - the bastards!
After my honeymoon I talked to my best friend and asked him WTH? He informed me that they had looked at the beer maker, but decided that weddings were for the woman, so had gotten us the bread maker.
I may never forgive him for this, I would have brewed to my hearts content, but to this day can count on my fingers how many fresh loaves of bread I've eaten from the damn bread maker that sits on my shelf haunting me with its presence.


Wow. Your friends suck. And I'm a bride saying this. And BTW, although I don't think this crowd needs this advice but, weddings are for the couple. You want to get something for the groom, by god there's no reason why you shouldn't get it. And if he's getting married to a woman who'd hate it then all the better to get it.

/will probably be eating my own words next year...
2012-10-11 04:15:50 PM
1 votes:
As a woman who loves taxidermy - if someone bought me a giant bear for my wedding, I would sell the husband just to get a second one. One cannot have too many taxidermied bears.
2012-10-11 04:01:46 PM
1 votes:
Enjoyable. And yeah, it'd be funnier if he'd actually given the bear and then described the reaction.

Frankly, many brides deserve nothing but one of those "90% Sweetheart, 10% biatch" coffee mugs, with the "90%" crossed out and another 0 added to "10%"
2012-10-11 03:49:40 PM
1 votes:

funzyr: KatjaMouse: I'm going to be registering later this year... will have to keep this in mind as to avoid getting a bear.

It doesn't matter what you register for. You'll be lucky if 20% of the people even look at your registry. And it would be unlikely that more than half of them will buy from it.


Goddammitsomuch.
2012-10-11 03:47:14 PM
1 votes:
My wife comes from wealthier stock and the gifts we received from them were all over the board. Some were awesome, and some were... unique. Who the hell gives a bride, a Jewish one I might add, a Kimono?
2012-10-11 03:39:46 PM
1 votes:

Gunderson: I remember someone who blogged about the statue of Thrall that he had and bought into his and his newlywed's wife's home. He even gave it a setting at the dinner table. Alas, IIRC, the wife eventually won out and poor Thrall was relegated to the basement


Laaaame! There are so many fun things you can do with something like that! Put him in the kitchen and put a chef's hat on him or guarding your kid's room (See, Timmy? No monsters would be stupid enough to bother you now.), Greeting visitors inside the door... the list really does go on and on.
2012-10-11 03:38:13 PM
1 votes:
There's really no good way to gift wrap a bear

wrap it with a bearskin rug.
2012-10-11 03:33:03 PM
1 votes:
That. was. awesome...

Now I want a bear.
2012-10-11 03:29:36 PM
1 votes:

TaterTot_HotDish: what's hilarious to me is that I am going to be a bride, getting married next summer, and now I am trying to figure out how I can put "giant stuffed grizzly bear in terrifying pose" on my bridal registry.

/it's something about the dead, dead eyes


see if your local taxidermist has a bridal registry
db2
2012-10-11 03:26:01 PM
1 votes:
Nope, Chuck Testa.
2012-10-11 03:23:31 PM
1 votes:
Buying a bear is excessively expensive because you can't just walk into Wal-Mart and buy taxidermy.

I refuse to believe that no Wal-Mart has ever offered pre-stuffed taxidermy animals at some point.
2012-10-11 03:22:03 PM
1 votes:
The number for a divorce lawyer also works
2012-10-11 03:21:19 PM
1 votes:
I would LOVE to have an 8-foot bear here in the office. Bonus: school's mascot IS a bear, so it would even make sense.

Would I dress it in school-spirited clothes? Hell yeah I would. Is it going to have a dopey scarf half the time? You bet!

/better get on Kickstarter before this fella, his blog is better than mine
2012-10-11 03:19:37 PM
1 votes:
WANT
2012-10-11 03:18:02 PM
1 votes:
What, No giant butt plug???
2012-10-11 03:17:57 PM
1 votes:
I'm going to be registering later this year... will have to keep this in mind as to avoid getting a bear.
2012-10-11 03:15:45 PM
1 votes:
I don't think the groom will not enjoy this gift. And, it can double as a weapon. Two weapons.
 
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