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(Mother Nature Network)   The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have sex with your wife   (mnn.com) divider line 53
    More: Obvious, stress response, scientific evidence, sexual intercourses  
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5917 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2012 at 6:40 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-11 05:30:54 AM  
The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have surprise buttsex with your wife

FTFY subby.

/disclaimer: do NOT try this at home 
 
2012-10-11 06:42:16 AM  
So that's why so many guys have sex with my wife.
 
2012-10-11 06:43:40 AM  
Hey, go for it. You're probably the only guy left in the country who hasn't.

/there's a reason she's an ex-wife
 
2012-10-11 06:46:46 AM  
I thought a sudden scare was the best way...oh...right...
 
2012-10-11 06:48:29 AM  
its not rape when you're curing intractable hiccups?
 
2012-10-11 06:55:06 AM  

TDBoedy: its not rape when you're curing intractable hiccups?


No, that's legitimate rape.
 
2012-10-11 06:55:20 AM  
Yeah, those would be more like 14-day-old hiccups by then.
 
Poe
2012-10-11 06:58:45 AM  
I usually go the breath holding route. I have a friend who has had great success in curing hiccups in others by pulling out a hundred dollar bill and telling the afflicted that if they can hiccup again, they can have it. So far, no one, including myself, has made off with Mr. Franklin.
 
2012-10-11 07:00:14 AM  
Is this how David Carradine died? Was he searching for some kind of higher plane of hiccupial enlightenment?
 
2012-10-11 07:00:33 AM  

elementalogic: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have surprise buttsex with your wife

FTFY subby.

/disclaimer: do NOT try this at home


www.mnn.com

What your wife about to have surprise buttsex might look like
 
2012-10-11 07:00:53 AM  
I prefer to massage your wife's throat
and then ejaculate. Has the potential to cure both of us.
 
2012-10-11 07:01:57 AM  
I like asking people to put their toes on a line (any line on the ground will do) and then step up with my toes right at theirs and look them square in the eye and ask them to hiccup for me.

Works awesome... once per person.
 
2012-10-11 07:01:58 AM  

elementalogic: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to get have surprise buttsex with from your wife


FTFY
 
2012-10-11 07:03:54 AM  
Other strategies for remedying hiccups include diverting the mind to different topics and stimulating the mouth or throat.

Really.

www.mnn.com
 
2012-10-11 07:09:06 AM  

swaxhog: elementalogic: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to get have surprise buttsex with from your wife

FTFY


The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to get surprise buttsex your wife?

Saywut?
 
2012-10-11 07:16:47 AM  

elementalogic: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have surprise buttsex with your wife

FTFY subby.

/disclaimer: do NOT try this at home



OK, but what if my wife is the one with the hiccups?
 
2012-10-11 07:22:21 AM  
old joke.

Guy goes to the doc and says his hiccups won't stop. Doc tells him "I have that same problem. What I do is go have nasty ferret sex with my wife, and the problem goes away." Doc tells him to try that and let him know how it works. Next day the guy comes back. "Doc, I did exactly what you said and it worked great. You have a nice house by the way"
 
2012-10-11 07:23:57 AM  

MikeSass: elementalogic: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have surprise buttsex with your wife

FTFY subby.

/disclaimer: do NOT try this at home


OK, but what if my wife is the one with the hiccups?


Having her give you a snarlin' gnarlin' might take her mind off the hiccups.
 
2012-10-11 07:24:16 AM  
Well if you're married to my ex-wife, it better be your birthday, Christmas or some other major event. Otherwise you are going to have those damn things for a long time. If you go out and buy her a car or something else expensive she might let you have sex with her, so you could always try that.

Damn, typing that actually made me feel almost bad for a brief second for the moran that married her after our divorce. Nope, he got what he deserved, better him than me .
 
2012-10-11 07:28:42 AM  
The best way is to have have sex with a college girl. It might not be the most effective way, but it's the best way.
 
2012-10-11 07:30:38 AM  

elementalogic: swaxhog: elementalogic: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to get have surprise buttsex with from your wife

FTFY

The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to get surprise buttsex your wife?

Saywut?


Worth a try.
 
2012-10-11 07:31:39 AM  

MikeSass: elementalogic: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have surprise buttsex with your wife

FTFY subby.

/disclaimer: do NOT try this at home

OK, but what if my wife is the one with the hiccups?


Falcon Punch?
 
2012-10-11 07:39:41 AM  

elementalogic: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have surprise buttsex with your wife

 

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-10-11 07:44:31 AM  
The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have sex with your wife

If you are loud enough, this is also the best way to get rid of four-day-old house guests.
 
2012-10-11 07:46:00 AM  

someguy945: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have sex with your wife

If you are loud enough, this is also the best way to get rid of four-day-old house guests.


I've found they actually tend to stay longer when they're having sex with my wife.
 
2012-10-11 07:58:57 AM  
Cool. Anyone have any tips on how I can get the hiccups at will?
 
2012-10-11 08:00:19 AM  
I've found that drinking a beer usually cures them. If it doesn't work, keep trying. Eventually they'll stop or you won't care.
 
2012-10-11 08:01:36 AM  
So, it is possible to rub out hiccups.
 
2012-10-11 08:05:30 AM  
I am just going to leave this here.

/betchurass it's a bookmark
 
2012-10-11 08:10:29 AM  
;)
 
2012-10-11 08:25:57 AM  
img201.imageshack.us 

Ob-Onion
 
2012-10-11 08:31:10 AM  
Nice try subby, but you're not having sex with my wife
 
2012-10-11 08:44:29 AM  
""Under circumstances in which sexual intercourse with a partner is not possible, masturbation might be tried as a means of stopping intractable hiccups."

"Honest officer, I was just trying to get rid my hiccups!"
 
2012-10-11 08:47:46 AM  

JohnnyC: I like asking people to put their toes on a line (any line on the ground will do) and then step up with my toes right at theirs and look them square in the eye and ask them to hiccup for me.

Works awesome... once per person.


It probably wouldn't work as well if you were wearing pants when you did it.
 
2012-10-11 08:48:17 AM  
Yeah...ummm.. no. Not worth it.
 
2012-10-11 08:59:43 AM  
Hicupping is for the weak!!!
 
2012-10-11 09:01:17 AM  
What I've learned from this thread is that there are a lot of bitter divorcees on fark that like to use old comedians' jokes from the 70s.

/Guess I already knew that though.
 
2012-10-11 09:05:33 AM  
Oh, that's just perfect. Looks as if I'm going to have these damn hiccups for a while.
 
2012-10-11 09:07:10 AM  

snowybunting: Oh, that's just perfect. Looks as if I'm going to have these damn hiccups for a while.


i965.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-11 09:07:23 AM  
I don't know about sex, but seeing my wife naked would probably cure most men of the hiccups very quickly. Especially if she threatened to have sex with them if they didn't stop.
 
2012-10-11 09:12:22 AM  
Here's my hiccup story.

One evening about twenty years ago I decided to have a couple of grilled bratwursts for dinner. They were greasy as hell. It was glorious. But my stomach took exception to this and got really acidy.

That gave me the hiccups. And they kept going, and going, and going. Like a little Energizer Bunny of repeated diaphragm spasms.

I tried all sort of home remedies. Nothing worked. I called a nighttime nurse line and they advised taking two tablespoons of sugar. No effect.

Just hiccups. Over and over and over.

Around four in the morning I could not take it anymore. I could not sleep. My back was wracked in pain. I decided to go to the ER.

No one was waiting in the ER waiting room; it was a slow night. I walked up to register and they asked "What is wrong?".

I said: "I have the hiccups."

The nurse stared blankly, unsure what to say. Did this dude just walk in because he has the hiccups?!?1

"They have been going on for about eight hours now," I continued.

"Oh!!!!!!" She put me in a room.

Doctor comes in several minutes later. He confirmed the diagnosis. I was, indeed, hiccuping.

He was not sure what to do and, I swear this is true, looked it up in this huge book. He read for a minute and then asked me: "Do you have a ride home?"

I told him I did. He said "I'll be right back."

When he got back he had a syringe. To stop the hiccups he gave me thorazine. This is a severe muscle relaxant. They use it to sedate violent mental patients who are raging out of control.

"Drop your pants"

I got a shot in the butt-cheek. The hiccups subsided within a couple of minutes and I was discharged.

By the time I got home I could barely walk up the stairs. I needed to be helped into bed by my (then) wife.

The next day I woke up and I recall being absolutely wide awake but my body was filled with such lethargy that I had a hard time just walking to the bathroom to pee. It was a massive struggle just to take a shower.
 
2012-10-11 09:14:59 AM  
Excellent. Good job, subby.

And remember the old saying: Good Chinese food and blow jobs are the two things you absolutely must go out to get.
 
2012-10-11 09:16:44 AM  
Soooo, if you're not married, you should get married then have sex? I think I'd prefer the hiccups.
 
2012-10-11 09:19:35 AM  

LordOfThePings: snowybunting: Oh, that's just perfect. Looks as if I'm going to have these damn hiccups for a while.

[i965.photobucket.com image 640x484]




My wife thanks you.
 
2012-10-11 09:21:07 AM  

elementalogic: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have surprise buttsex with your wife

FTFY subby.

/disclaimer: do NOT try this at home


Damnit, I missed reading the disclaimer. She looks awfully mad.
 
2012-10-11 09:27:23 AM  

CarnySaur: So that's why so many guys have sex with my wife.


Swift, simple and elegant. A comedy triumph.
 
2012-10-11 09:44:17 AM  

miss diminutive: MikeSass: elementalogic: The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have surprise buttsex with your wife

FTFY subby.

/disclaimer: do NOT try this at home

OK, but what if my wife is the one with the hiccups?

Falcon Donkey Punch?

 
2012-10-11 09:46:13 AM  
I'd hit it
 
2012-10-11 11:13:10 AM  
...but if she's hiccuping, won't she choke on it?
 
2012-10-11 11:36:45 AM  

abfalter: Here's my hiccup story.

One evening about twenty years ago I decided to have a couple of grilled bratwursts for dinner. They were greasy as hell. It was glorious. But my stomach took exception to this and got really acidy.

That gave me the hiccups. And they kept going, and going, and going. Like a little Energizer Bunny of repeated diaphragm spasms.

I tried all sort of home remedies. Nothing worked. I called a nighttime nurse line and they advised taking two tablespoons of sugar. No effect.

Just hiccups. Over and over and over.

Around four in the morning I could not take it anymore. I could not sleep. My back was wracked in pain. I decided to go to the ER.

No one was waiting in the ER waiting room; it was a slow night. I walked up to register and they asked "What is wrong?".

I said: "I have the hiccups."

The nurse stared blankly, unsure what to say. Did this dude just walk in because he has the hiccups?!?1

"They have been going on for about eight hours now," I continued.

"Oh!!!!!!" She put me in a room.

Doctor comes in several minutes later. He confirmed the diagnosis. I was, indeed, hiccuping.

He was not sure what to do and, I swear this is true, looked it up in this huge book. He read for a minute and then asked me: "Do you have a ride home?"

I told him I did. He said "I'll be right back."

When he got back he had a syringe. To stop the hiccups he gave me thorazine. This is a severe muscle relaxant. They use it to sedate violent mental patients who are raging out of control.

"Drop your pants"

I got a shot in the butt-cheek. The hiccups subsided within a couple of minutes and I was discharged.

By the time I got home I could barely walk up the stairs. I needed to be helped into bed by my (then) wife.

The next day I woke up and I recall being absolutely wide awake but my body was filled with such lethargy that I had a hard time just walking to the bathroom to pee. It was a massive struggle just to take a shower.


I was actually pretty sure this was going to end with the doctor surprise butt sexing you with a couple of fingers.
 
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