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(Fark)   What yet to be invented kitchen appliance would you like to see on the market?   ( fark.com) divider line
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2239 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2012 at 2:47 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



198 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-10-10 10:46:03 PM  
Lightsaber
 
2012-10-10 10:46:09 PM  
T.A.R.D.I.S. kitchen
 
2012-10-10 10:46:39 PM  
I was going to make a sexist joke here. Best not.
 
2012-10-10 10:46:42 PM  
I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.
 
2012-10-10 10:48:38 PM  

ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.


My parents washer and dryer play really, really loud music when they're done. You can hear it anywhere in the house.
 
2012-10-10 10:49:00 PM  
The cock-o-matic.
 
2012-10-10 10:49:35 PM  
You know how you set the coffeemaker can be programmed to have a steaming hot cup ready at 6 am? I'm working on a cast iron pan version that will will do the same with 2 eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar, quarter pound of bacon and hash browns. I'll be a millionaire in about 5 minutes.
 
2012-10-10 10:49:35 PM  
The Blowjob Dishwasher 3000
 
2012-10-10 10:49:55 PM  

No_47: I was going to make a sexist joke here. Best not.


A house boy with a bubble butt and cooking skills would for me. He'd also clean the pool.
 
2012-10-10 10:50:14 PM  
dryerbro.com has a washing machine app.
 
2012-10-10 10:50:33 PM  

gunsmack: You know how you set the coffeemaker can be programmed to have a steaming hot cup ready at 6 am? I'm working on a cast iron pan version that will will do the same with 2 eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar, quarter pound of bacon and hash browns. I'll be a millionaire in about 5 minutes.


Just set your George Foreman grill on your bed, wake up early, turn it on, go back to sleep, and wake up to bacon.
 
2012-10-10 10:51:40 PM  
This thing Leelo Dallas Multipass pulls a chicken out of
media.tumblr.com
 
2012-10-10 10:52:28 PM  

gunsmack: You know how you set the coffeemaker can be programmed to have a steaming hot cup ready at 6 am? I'm working on a cast iron pan version that will will do the same with 2 eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar, quarter pound of bacon and hash browns. I'll be a millionaire in about 5 minutes


www.eggandmuffintoaster.net
 
2012-10-10 10:53:11 PM  

ami5000: gunsmack: You know how you set the coffeemaker can be programmed to have a steaming hot cup ready at 6 am? I'm working on a cast iron pan version that will will do the same with 2 eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar, quarter pound of bacon and hash browns. I'll be a millionaire in about 5 minutes.

Just set your George Foreman grill on your bed, wake up early, turn it on, go back to sleep, and wake up to bacon.


You're completely missing the point. I need hash browns too.
 
2012-10-10 10:54:09 PM  

gunsmack: You're completely missing the point. I need hash browns too.


Sometimes you have to make sacrifices.
 
2012-10-10 10:55:12 PM  

gunsmack: You're completely missing the point. I need hash browns too.


So, it would have to be able to shred and peel potatoes? This seems either brilliant or the worst idea ever.
 
2012-10-10 10:57:44 PM  

professorkowalski: gunsmack: You're completely missing the point. I need hash browns too.

So, it would have to be able to shred and peel potatoes? This seems either brilliant or the worst idea ever.


It's going to be really good at starting house fires.
 
2012-10-10 10:58:17 PM  

ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.


If only someone would invent a timing device to measure the actual time.
 
hng
2012-10-10 10:58:48 PM  

professorkowalski: gunsmack: You're completely missing the point. I need hash browns too.

So, it would have to be able to shred and peel potatoes? This seems either brilliant or the worst idea ever.


you could just put a hash brown patty in a toaster slot.


--------------------------------------


logistic: The Blowjob Dishwasher 3000


too bad the ami5000 doesn't wash dishes
 
2012-10-10 10:59:37 PM  

generalDisdain: If only someone would invent a timing device to measure the actual time.


You could set a timer to go off for the same amount of time as the washer says it will take and it still won't be right.
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-10-10 10:59:43 PM  

Roook: This thing Leelo Dallas Multipass pulls a chicken out of
[media.tumblr.com image 500x216]


Isn't that the same thing as in Back to the Future II
 
2012-10-10 11:01:29 PM  

ami5000: generalDisdain: If only someone would invent a timing device to measure the actual time.

You could set a timer to go off for the same amount of time as the washer says it will take and it still won't be right.


No... Start a timer/stopwatch when you start the washer, and when it is done, write down the actual time it takes. :D 
My washer's 28 minute 'express' cycle takes 54 minutes.
 
2012-10-10 11:02:20 PM  

professorkowalski: So, it would have to be able to shred and peel potatoes?


Frozen hash brown are superior to making them from raw potatoes, they've been par-boiled and some starch is removed and replaced (sprayed) on the surface. If you've made hash browns from scratch, while ecomonical, is a bit of pain. And most of the time you end up with gummy hashbrown because the surface starch is 'wet' and they stick and just a PITA. (you can soak them--dry them and fry them but that's a PITA too compaired to a bag of frozen hashbrown that have all that stuff done).

Oh yes, I've done it both ways and still frozen is better as a product. IMHO.
 
2012-10-10 11:03:16 PM  

generalDisdain: No... Start a timer/stopwatch when you start the washer, and when it is done, write down the actual time it takes. :D 
My washer's 28 minute 'express' cycle takes 54 minutes.


YOUR IDEAS ARE TERRIBLE AND I HATE YOU. but thanks that's a good idea and I will have to remember that.
 
2012-10-10 11:03:21 PM  
Self cleaning microwave ovens. and self cleaning kitchen counters.
 
2012-10-10 11:09:56 PM  

ami5000: YOUR IDEAS ARE TERRIBLE AND I HATE YOU


\o/ When I used to use a laundromat, I would set my phone timer, go outside and smoke until the laundry was done.
The people there looked at me like I was some sort of laundry Nostradamus. LOL
 
2012-10-10 11:16:22 PM  

generalDisdain: \o/ When I used to use a laundromat, I would set my phone timer, go outside and smoke until the laundry was done.
The people there looked at me like I was some sort of laundry Nostradamus. LOL



We had people at our college laundromat (Sometimes college kids other-times older people). That would charge 5 bucks to xfer your stuff to dryer and fold stuff and put them in your baskets. They'd put little 'tent' paper things on your washer..(like NUMBER 12) and one in your basket. And you could leave and get all your stuff folded and dried. Back in your basket for pickup.
 
2012-10-10 11:20:27 PM  

optikeye: And you could leave and get all your stuff folded and dried. Back in your basket for pickup.


I can see how that would be cool, but I um, don't like people touching my things.
 
hng
2012-10-10 11:22:48 PM  

optikeye: And you could leave and get all your stuff folded and dried. Back in your basket for pickup.


That's called Wash & Fold.
 
2012-10-10 11:23:24 PM  

optikeye: gunsmack: You know how you set the coffeemaker can be programmed to have a steaming hot cup ready at 6 am? I'm working on a cast iron pan version that will will do the same with 2 eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar, quarter pound of bacon and hash browns. I'll be a millionaire in about 5 minutes

[www.eggandmuffintoaster.net image 500x398]


I followed that picture to this:
http://www.amazon.com/Nostalgia-Electrics-BSET100CR-Breakfast-Statio n/ dp/B008JC8Q9I/ref=pd_sim_k_7

I'm gettin' one. That's all there is to it.
 
2012-10-10 11:27:23 PM  
I would like a device that alerts the other people in my house that the kitchen is a fuc*ing mess. Perhaps the alert could be a cock/vag punch.


Because their eyes clearly don't see it. Tired of doing all the dishes, everyday.
 
2012-10-10 11:36:06 PM  
I'm not sure if anyone actually sells this, but an independent milk steaming wand (as in not attached to an espresso maker). That aeroccino, while nice, is still not quite the same thing.
 
2012-10-10 11:42:08 PM  

ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.


Actually, a couple of days ago I saw the proof of this as it happened. Went downstairs to transfer the laundry from the washing machine to the dryer, the machine was showing 6 minutes to go. Me and my husband then proceed to take a quick look around the basement floor to kill time... we come back in what I estimate couldn't be less than 5 minutes later, and the machine display still showed 6 minutes. Another 5 minutes of showing 6 minutes left, then the machine decides to skip to 0.

That was less than normal.
 
2012-10-11 12:06:14 AM  

hng: That's called Wash & Fold.


Actually the people that did that at the place I went too..just kinda 'hung out' at the matt...and did it on their own for extra cash. They didn't seem to be employees of the place...but would be kinda like 'hawkers' to help you. Never had a problem with them tho back in the 'day'.
 
2012-10-11 12:53:15 AM  

ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.


Something like that did exist, it still might. When I worked for a company that sold appliances, we had a special order washer/dryer that we advertised for a bit. It came with a remote timer countdown display. You could buy more of you needed. Put them around the house and the appliance would use some sort of wifi (radio?) waves to connect to the timers. Anywhere in the house, you could see where the washer / dryer was in the cycle. When it was done, the little display would buzz and flash red lights. It was pretty cool.

I don't remember what company made it or even if it's still around. I do remember it was pretty high end expensive.
 
2012-10-11 12:58:51 AM  

ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.


Here you go

Link
 
2012-10-11 02:51:13 AM  
image.shutterstock.com
 
2012-10-11 02:52:09 AM  
Who does their laundry in the kitchen?
 
2012-10-11 02:57:28 AM  
The MakeNewspaperTasteLikeSteak5000
 
2012-10-11 02:58:07 AM  

libranoelrose: Who does their laundry in the kitchen?


Someone who has washer/dryer hookups there. Some friends of ours live in an apartment complex that has a washer & dryer in each apartment. While they're not directly in the kitchen they're in an alcove right across from the kitchen.
 
2012-10-11 03:00:28 AM  
I'd like to see a fresher developed. RIP Mitch
 
2012-10-11 03:00:48 AM  

libranoelrose: Who does their laundry in the kitchen?


My laundry room is right next to my kitchen. One time I was so out of it I put my socks in the dishwasher.
 
2012-10-11 03:03:49 AM  
Something that will safely freeze food/beverages/etc. like a microwave heats food.
 
2012-10-11 03:04:11 AM  
This would save me a shiat load of time.

/Get it done Tim and Eric!
 
2012-10-11 03:04:50 AM  
Replicator. Though I suspect that I would NEVER ask for "Tea. Earl Grey. Hot." Just on general principles ;)
 
2012-10-11 03:04:53 AM  
I want a self-cleaning stovetop. I know I'm just being lazy as fark, but I honestly can't cook a single meal without the stovetop looking like some Keebler elves had a genocidal food fight all over it.
 
2012-10-11 03:06:21 AM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
www.techi.com
thesportspin.com
 
2012-10-11 03:10:52 AM  

Ambivalence: Self cleaning microwave ovens. and self cleaning kitchen counters.


This times a skillion. I'm terrible when it comes to keeping the microwave clean and usually whatever I nuke ends up making it look like a baby exploded in there.

While I don't mind cleaning the counters, I usually become kind of unravelled in the process because our apartment countertop was redone sometime in the 1960s and it's got that dreadful butter yellow color with black and silver glitter bits that look like pepper flakes. I've actually managed to scrub some of them off. But not all of them, which is the maddening part.
 
2012-10-11 03:11:15 AM  
I'd like a 3d baker, it's like a 3d printer except it bakes instead of prints. Since this is hi tech the way it would work is websites that host recipes would have a QR code thingy that you can scan with your phone. This sends to the 3d baker the instructions on how to bake that particular tasty treat. You can even control when it bakes it with your phone. It'll be like calling in an order to a bakery, except it's in your kitchen. All you have to do is top off the ingredients to the reservoirs(sugar/flour/chocolate, etc) every once in a while.
 
2012-10-11 03:11:53 AM  

No_47: optikeye: gunsmack: You know how you set the coffeemaker can be programmed to have a steaming hot cup ready at 6 am? I'm working on a cast iron pan version that will will do the same with 2 eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar, quarter pound of bacon and hash browns. I'll be a millionaire in about 5 minutes

[www.eggandmuffintoaster.net image 500x398]

I followed that picture to this:
http://www.amazon.com/Nostalgia-Electrics-BSET100CR-Breakfast-Statio n/ dp/B008JC8Q9I/ref=pd_sim_k_7

I'm gettin' one. That's all there is to it.


see what you mean

all it needs is a BJ attachment and you're well on the way to replacing yr SO.
 
2012-10-11 03:13:04 AM  
Really, I'm holding out for the bonus...

farm1.static.flickr.com
 
2012-10-11 03:16:38 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: libranoelrose: Who does their laundry in the kitchen?

Someone who has washer/dryer hookups there. Some friends of ours live in an apartment complex that has a washer & dryer in each apartment. While they're not directly in the kitchen they're in an alcove right across from the kitchen.


Theory Of Null: libranoelrose: Who does their laundry in the kitchen?

My laundry room is right next to my kitchen. One time I was so out of it I put my socks in the dishwasher.


My laundry room is also in an alcove next to the kitchen.

But I don't consider those appliances to be kitchen appliances.

There's so much woman stuff in those two rooms that I'm almost ashamed to go in there and use the refrigerator handle to get a beer.
 
2012-10-11 03:17:16 AM  

funktilious_j: I would like a device that alerts the other people in my house that the kitchen is a fuc*ing mess. Perhaps the alert could be a cock/vag punch.


Because their eyes clearly don't see it. Tired of doing all the dishes, everyday.


A robot that washes dishes and beats people seems to be in order.
 
2012-10-11 03:19:15 AM  
I had no idea!

honestinfomercialreviews.com

dealninja.files.wordpress.com

lh4.ggpht.com 


/I'd just like a replicator
 
2012-10-11 03:22:46 AM  
To be serious for a moment, I want a consumer-priced dough roller for pizza or pastry. I have a Kitchen Aid mixer for mixing the dough, but now I'm still stuck with the drudgery of rolling it. Yeah, I'm lazy, so what?

Should be damned simple. You could even make it an attachment for the Kitchen Aid, but you could as readily make it standalone.
 
2012-10-11 03:24:05 AM  
Star Trek Food Replicator
 
2012-10-11 03:25:14 AM  

farkingismybusiness: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x463]
[www.techi.com image 600x321]
[thesportspin.com image 360x240]


Winnar.

And also this...

NSFW Link

/Ok, so that second one is not really for the kitchen
//Or, is it?
 
2012-10-11 03:26:48 AM  
I'd like to see a device that jacks me off while simultaneously massaging my prostate gland. This would be an amazing tool to have when I want to glaze some donuts.
 
2012-10-11 03:29:26 AM  

Atomic Spunk: I'd like to see a device that jacks me off while simultaneously massaging my prostate gland. This would be an amazing tool to have when I want to glaze some donuts.


Yeah but where will the donuts come from? Or is that something I'd be better off not knowing?
 
2012-10-11 03:30:09 AM  
I wish the Thai maid/chef that I had in Bangkok could follow me through life.

/not at all pretty, but goddamn, could she cook and clean.
 
2012-10-11 03:30:22 AM  
My son wanted to invent a voice-activated trash can lid so you didn't have to touch it while handling food. But then he found out it was already invented.

:/
 
2012-10-11 03:33:17 AM  

Birnone: I'd like a 3d baker, it's like a 3d printer except it bakes instead of prints. Since this is hi tech the way it would work is websites that host recipes would have a QR code thingy that you can scan with your phone. This sends to the 3d baker the instructions on how to bake that particular tasty treat. You can even control when it bakes it with your phone. It'll be like calling in an order to a bakery, except it's in your kitchen. All you have to do is top off the ingredients to the reservoirs(sugar/flour/chocolate, etc) every once in a while.


This is a brilliant idea, and probably would be a replicator for want of another term. I remember reading something about something like this being in development somewhere, so let's keep hoping!
 
2012-10-11 03:34:20 AM  
The KitchenAid Dead Grandmother Flipper. Because sometimes she rolls over in her grave and you need to flip her back over.
 
2012-10-11 03:34:42 AM  
A roach trap that the roaches didn't laugh at, spray graffiti on, and never set foot into.
 
2012-10-11 03:36:28 AM  
RFIDs read when food enters the kitchen and when packaging us tossed to manage inventory. Menu planning is linked. Weekly shopping automatically ordered and delivered.
 
2012-10-11 03:38:42 AM  
An oven that can cook as fast or faster than a microwave, but will crisp and not make breads and crusts rubbery.
 
2012-10-11 03:38:47 AM  

libranoelrose: Who does their laundry in the kitchen?


Been there- jetson- style urban apt. farking lint dust everywhere.
 
2012-10-11 03:39:55 AM  
A transparent fridge. Bonus marks if made from transparent aluminum.
 
2012-10-11 03:42:09 AM  
An egg gun would be nice. Just drop an egg in and pull the trigger, it comes out into the pan whole or scrambled, no shell bits.
 
2012-10-11 03:42:39 AM  
filmesegames.com.br

But I'll spring for the waterproof version.
 
2012-10-11 03:44:40 AM  

libranoelrose: Who does their laundry in the kitchen?


I do her,when she ain't out winning the family's money. Damn right, i bet on ' soap suds....

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRs1shylzecV2wz1iS7lq578SWd-x H FV3kBhwqjPiP-R5MiHZAF 


Christ

fark
 
2012-10-11 03:45:02 AM  
Announcer: Yes, folks... Moderna Designs present the latest in kitchen luxury. The Moderna Wonder Major All Automatic Convenience Center-ette gives you all the time in the world to do the things you really want to do... An infrared freezer-oven complex that can make you a meal from packet to plate in 15 1/2 seconds.
Kevin's Mother: Morrisons have got one that can do that in eight seconds.
Kevin's Father: Oh?
Kevin's Mother: Block of ice to Beef Bourguignon in eight seconds. Lucky things.
 
2012-10-11 03:47:43 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: An egg gun would be nice. Just drop an egg in and pull the trigger, it comes out into the pan whole or scrambled, no shell bits.


The problem with most of these type of inventions is that now instead of taking care not to get shell bits in when I crack the egg, now instead I have to clean an egg gun... Even with a dishwasher that is work.
 
2012-10-11 03:50:10 AM  

The Southern Dandy: An oven that can cook as fast or faster than a microwave, but will crisp and not make breads and crusts rubbery.


convection oven

convection microwave
 
2012-10-11 03:53:07 AM  

illannoyin: farkingismybusiness: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x463]
[www.techi.com image 600x321]
[thesportspin.com image 360x240]

Winnar.

And also this...

NSFW Link

/Ok, so that second one is not really for the kitchen
//Or, is it?


seecolombia.travel
 
2012-10-11 03:57:22 AM  
www.strangecosmos.com
 
2012-10-11 03:59:46 AM  

No_47: optikeye: gunsmack: You know how you set the coffeemaker can be programmed to have a steaming hot cup ready at 6 am? I'm working on a cast iron pan version that will will do the same with 2 eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar, quarter pound of bacon and hash browns. I'll be a millionaire in about 5 minutes

[www.eggandmuffintoaster.net image 500x398]

I followed that picture to this:
http://www.amazon.com/Nostalgia-Electrics-BSET100CR-Breakfast-Statio n/ dp/B008JC8Q9I/ref=pd_sim_k_7

I'm gettin' one. That's all there is to it.


Make sure to "review" it for the rest of us. I would hate to by a shiatty product that is less than 4 stars.
 
2012-10-11 04:01:08 AM  
 
2012-10-11 04:01:49 AM  
I want an automated kitchen like the sheriff had on Eureka. Miss that damn show...
 
2012-10-11 04:04:08 AM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-10-11 04:04:22 AM  
I'd like to see one of Marge Simpsons' favorite kitchen appliances: a raisin re-graper.

Because I farking hate raisins.

When I become Supreme Overlord of Earth (accept it, people; it's going to happen), the raisin will be outlawed.
 
2012-10-11 04:08:49 AM  

The Southern Dandy: An oven that can cook as fast or faster than a microwave, but will crisp and not make breads and crusts rubbery.


They have those already.

May I introduce you to the GE Advantium® Oven?
A GE Profile Advantium Oven bakes, grills, and roasts up to 8 times faster than a conventional oven - with no preheating! And it's also a fully-functioning microwave oven.

Advantium technology harnesses the power of light. The outside of the food is cooked like a conventional oven, with radiant heat produced by halogen bulbs above and below the food. This halogen-produced heat receives a boost of microwave energy. The result? Foods brown and cook evenly and fast, while retaining their natural moisture.
 
2012-10-11 04:11:43 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: The Southern Dandy: An oven that can cook as fast or faster than a microwave, but will crisp and not make breads and crusts rubbery.

convection oven

convection microwave


I have a combo microwave/convection oven and it's great but I wouldn't call the convection function speedy. It's slightly faster than a conventional oven but it's nowhere near as fast as a microwave. A frozen pot pie takes two or three minutes in the microwave and about 45-50 minutes in a convection oven. (But the flaky crust is worth the wait.)
 
2012-10-11 04:12:52 AM  
imageshack.us

A toaster that is controlled by my shower.

1) Get up and load the toaster - set it to recieve transmission
2) Get in the shower
3) Enjoy shower - no matter how long or short an amount of time you're in there
4) Turn off shower - the mixer unit now transmits 'go time' to the toaster
5) Dry yourself and put on clothes
6) Enter kitchen to freshly toasted bread.
 
2012-10-11 04:14:29 AM  

DigitalCoffee: Announcer: Yes, folks... Moderna Designs present the latest in kitchen luxury. The Moderna Wonder Major All Automatic Convenience Center-ette gives you all the time in the world to do the things you really want to do... An infrared freezer-oven complex that can make you a meal from packet to plate in 15 1/2 seconds.
Kevin's Mother: Morrisons have got one that can do that in eight seconds.
Kevin's Father: Oh?
Kevin's Mother: Block of ice to Beef Bourguignon in eight seconds. Lucky things.


It is a widely known fact, the wrong infrared freezer-oven complex, could very well turn the Sunday joint, into CONCENTRATED EVIL!
I for one, am not willing to take that chance.
For me, ModernaTM, is the only way to go.
 
2012-10-11 04:19:11 AM  
A portmantoaster or portmanteuster. However you wanna spell it...
 
2012-10-11 04:19:44 AM  

jtown: A frozen pot pie takes two or three minutes in the microwave and about 45-50 minutes in a convection oven. (But the flaky crust is worth the wait.)


That would be maybe 20 minutes in one of these..I've got one at home and one at the office. Farking love them.
 
2012-10-11 04:29:10 AM  

illannoyin: farkingismybusiness: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x463]
[www.techi.com image 600x321]
[thesportspin.com image 360x240]

Winnar.

And also this...

NSFW Link

/Ok, so that second one is not really for the kitchen
//Or, is it?


When I think of the most important issues that we as a society must overcome, I think of "doll gape."
 
2012-10-11 04:44:06 AM  
I can't think of anything funny, so here's a real one:

Self-aware microwaves and stoves, along with self-identifying food.

I'm not trying to be funny - this is something we could do today.

You can put scanners on anything now, easily, rfid/barcode/qcode/whatever. A (laser?)thermometer too. So you tag the food with the info needed to cook it. Not like "Insert gas station burrito into microwave for 1 minute if you like it icy in the middle, or 2 minutes if you want it to burn with the heat of a thousand suns".

More like something that would translate into how much energy a microwave needs to use, for how long, and in how many stages, whether to turn it over, or let it rest. So that burrito goes through a defrosting period for 2 minutes at low power, then 5 minutes at medium low to cook it (rotating once?), then 45 seconds at high to crisp the outside up. ... And this is where the self-aware part comes in.

That's the timing for MY 500 watt microwave. Your 800 watt will understand it needs to change it's settings to match properly. If you let the stove scan it, it'll have different instructions for you.

From here, it's just a step or two away from integrating cookbooks into the microwaves & stoves. Want to make sure your 4- or 5-course meal is ready in 30 minutes? The microwave and stove will tell you what to cook next, the order, and how to cook it - and if anything goes wrong, they know enough to put everything else on hold while you fix it.

Or add networking and play a video of how to do it, while you're doing it, provided by the manufacturer or free how-to-videos with timing and sensor information for a guitar-hero-like interface. Look at currently existing online recipe sites that are now offering videos.

To go on further, if your food is all tagged, you have online menus, you could actually have your appliances give you suggestions for weekly meal plan - to make sure you can still lose a few pounds or your kids are getting the right nutrition. Or date-tagged food that know when they're spoiling (finally a reason to wire up the fridge?) Or even a button that says "Friends for the game in an hour" and it pulls up Alton Brown and shows you how to make hot wings and 7 layer dip.

The thing is, we can do all of this, today. Not very hard, not very expensive.
 
2012-10-11 04:44:18 AM  
Ex-mother-in-law eviscerator.

/female, if anyone cares
 
2012-10-11 04:45:07 AM  
One step easy auto burrito maker.

www.lonelyplanet.com

/the one and the only thing I miss about San Francisco are the burritos.
 
2012-10-11 04:47:53 AM  

gunsmack: ami5000: gunsmack: You know how you set the coffeemaker can be programmed to have a steaming hot cup ready at 6 am? I'm working on a cast iron pan version that will will do the same with 2 eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar, quarter pound of bacon and hash browns. I'll be a millionaire in about 5 minutes.

Just set your George Foreman grill on your bed, wake up early, turn it on, go back to sleep, and wake up to bacon.

You're completely missing the point. I need hash browns too.


White people problems.
 
2012-10-11 04:50:45 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: The Southern Dandy: An oven that can cook as fast or faster than a microwave, but will crisp and not make breads and crusts rubbery.

convection oven


Not as fast.

convection microwave

Still makes breads rubbery
 
2012-10-11 04:59:28 AM  

God's Bathroom Floor: 1.bp.blogspot.com


I agree, but I'd like it to do hot dogs, miniature sausage links, sausage patties, chicken wings and thin hamburgers too. 


/oooh, lookit that!
//quoting with an image!
 
2012-10-11 05:02:26 AM  
Not an appliance, but something to make my entire kitchen easier to use, stock, and clean. I want a food pill sort of like from the Jetsons, that is delayed release and expands to help the stomach feel full for 24 hours or more. I want to take 1 pill that eliminates the need and desire to eat and the hassle that comes along with food shopping, storage, prep, cooking, as well as portioning and caloric intake. It doesn't even have to have a flavor.

I want to never have to shop for food, cook, or stop to eat ever, ever again.
 
2012-10-11 05:05:45 AM  
The one where you put your dick in it.
 
2012-10-11 05:07:00 AM  

quietwalker: I can't think of anything funny, so here's a real one:

Self-aware microwaves and stoves, along with self-identifying food.

I'm not trying to be funny - this is something we could do today.

You can put scanners on anything now, easily, rfid/barcode/qcode/whatever. A (laser?)thermometer too. So you tag the food with the info needed to cook it. Not like "Insert gas station burrito into microwave for 1 minute if you like it icy in the middle, or 2 minutes if you want it to burn with the heat of a thousand suns".

More like something that would translate into how much energy a microwave needs to use, for how long, and in how many stages, whether to turn it over, or let it rest. So that burrito goes through a defrosting period for 2 minutes at low power, then 5 minutes at medium low to cook it (rotating once?), then 45 seconds at high to crisp the outside up. ... And this is where the self-aware part comes in.

That's the timing for MY 500 watt microwave. Your 800 watt will understand it needs to change it's settings to match properly. If you let the stove scan it, it'll have different instructions for you.

From here, it's just a step or two away from integrating cookbooks into the microwaves & stoves. Want to make sure your 4- or 5-course meal is ready in 30 minutes? The microwave and stove will tell you what to cook next, the order, and how to cook it - and if anything goes wrong, they know enough to put everything else on hold while you fix it.

Or add networking and play a video of how to do it, while you're doing it, provided by the manufacturer or free how-to-videos with timing and sensor information for a guitar-hero-like interface. Look at currently existing online recipe sites that are now offering videos.

To go on further, if your food is all tagged, you have online menus, you could actually have your appliances give you suggestions for weekly meal plan - to make sure you can still lose a few pounds or your kids are getting the ri ...


Don't you understand the value and sense of personal well-being to savor the experience to cook yourself something delicious to eat?
What do you plan to do with the extra time you save not cooking your own food? You should be soaking some beans, adding some spices cooking them making some home made tortilla shells, making some pico di gallo, grating some cheese...then you will know the secret to a happy life. Not eating something from a microwave. For me there is nothing that can be made in a microwave equal to what can be made on a stove except hot water and even that is still questionable.
 
2012-10-11 05:15:47 AM  

libranoelrose: Who does their laundry in the kitchen?


Almost everyone in the UK.
 
2012-10-11 05:18:22 AM  

Bindyree: Ambivalence: Self cleaning microwave ovens. and self cleaning kitchen counters.

This times a skillion. I'm terrible when it comes to keeping the microwave clean and usually whatever I nuke ends up making it look like a baby exploded in there.

While I don't mind cleaning the counters, I usually become kind of unravelled in the process because our apartment countertop was redone sometime in the 1960s and it's got that dreadful butter yellow color with black and silver glitter bits that look like pepper flakes. I've actually managed to scrub some of them off. But not all of them, which is the maddening part.


dtdstudios.com
 
2012-10-11 05:19:21 AM  

prjindigo: I agree, but I'd like it to do hot dogs


appliancesonlineblog.com.au
 
2012-10-11 05:23:32 AM  
Is subby a frustrated inventor looking to market the next big thing?

Give it up, man/m'am. Cathy Mitchell isn't going to sleep with you.

/shudder
 
2012-10-11 05:26:52 AM  

Gordon Bennett: [www.lonelyplanet.com image 500x365]

/the one and the only thing I miss about San Francisco are the burritos.


They just don't taste the same without the aluminum foil.

Big Ramifications: The one where you put your dick in it.


You can do that in a lot of kitchen appliances already if you don't care about your dick.
 
2012-10-11 05:27:14 AM  
What I want is a user-programmable robot chef that will cook my food for me. It needs to be programmable in the sense of being able to modify the settings for how it cooks, for example, the ability to set a default doneness for various meats, toast, proper way to fix eggs, etc., so the robot cooks how the owner wants, not what the manufacturer thinks is 'healthy'.

Of course the reason I want this is because I have ALS and am not always well enough to cook my own food. Of course a replicator or whatever that thing is that Leelo Dallas Multipass uses (Leelolathalarandrianeliokgumatac).
 
2012-10-11 05:30:09 AM  
What I want is a user-programmable robot chef that will cook my food for me. It needs to be programmable in the sense of being able to modify the settings for how it cooks, for example, the ability to set a default doneness for various meats, toast, proper way to fix eggs, etc., so the robot cooks how the owner wants, not what the manufacturer thinks is 'healthy'.

Of course the reason I want this is because I have ALS and am not always well enough to cook my own food. Of course a replicator or whatever that thing is that Leelo Dallas Multipass uses (Leelolathalarandrianeliokgumatac) would be nice.

(note: previous post I was so engaged in spelling out Leelo's full name I forgot to finish the sentence.)
 
2012-10-11 05:38:19 AM  

ambercricket: Star Trek Food Replicator


Best answer.
 
2012-10-11 05:40:07 AM  

Jesus McSordid: To be serious for a moment, I want a consumer-priced dough roller for pizza or pastry. I have a Kitchen Aid mixer for mixing the dough, but now I'm still stuck with the drudgery of rolling it. Yeah, I'm lazy, so what?

Should be damned simple. You could even make it an attachment for the Kitchen Aid, but you could as readily make it standalone.


3.bp.blogspot.com

Just scour the back country for an old washing machine.
 
2012-10-11 05:48:34 AM  
replicator
 
2012-10-11 05:53:15 AM  
I want a fridge with a drinks drawer that will keep my beverages at 35f. Just warm enough that they don't freeze while still in the can. I like my fizzy drinks very cold.
 
2012-10-11 06:01:21 AM  
I wouldn't mind a kettle that I could text to say I'm on the way home (when I'm out) so that by the time I've got through the door, it's just about boiled... (sorry, I'm a brit who loves their instant coffee).
Or at least a kettle that can be switched on remotely by my android phone while I'm in but am too busy... (it happens)

I think washing machines are overrated. I tend to get the job done quicker by handwashing and then using my prized 25+ year old spin drier to get my washing just damp enough to hang up overnight before its dried. I get fed up of seeing people fighting with their washing machines because they just do not last...!!

I really don't like kitchen gadgets all that much. A lot of 'time saving' devices actually take more time. However, the exception is the bread maker.
 
2012-10-11 06:04:06 AM  
Until the self loading, and self-unloading dishwasher is created, I'm not getting excited about any friggin' appliance. Same for the laundry machines; load yourselves, run yourselves, fold and distribute your contents when done, dammit.
 
2012-10-11 06:08:32 AM  
I would like some form of bottle brushes sticking out from the middle of my kitchen sinks, but quiet closely together, so I could rinse side plates that just have some crumbs on and teaspoons etc, and then pass them through the brushes and they'll be clean. Something like a cross between a golf ball cleaner and a car wash for dishes and cutlery.

I'm not a fan of getting dirty / soapy / oily / saucy dishwashing water on my hands so I always use gloves when washing the dishes, but then it's only worth waiting for them to pile up. Luckily where I live you can get weekly domestic help for about $75 a month :)
 
2012-10-11 06:14:33 AM  
The Nigella.
 
2012-10-11 06:14:47 AM  

generalDisdain: I can see how that would be cool, but I um, don't like people touching my things.


I just get new clothes and have them delivered FedEx. My secretary picks them up in the exec mailroom.

Fark that laundry noise.
 
2012-10-11 06:17:22 AM  
I had an idea for a small cylindrical dish rack that stayed put while another outer ring was free to spin. You could then put this in your washing machine and hook the outer ring into the spinning drum. You then load a few plates and some cutlery in (think, couple without kids in small apartment without space for washing machine and dishwasher), and run a rinse cycle on the washing machine with a drop or two of dishwashing liquid.

Washing machines spins quiet violently, but hopefully if it was built with good bearings and weighted properly the outer ring could sustain that while keeping the rack the dishes are on stable so they don't break.

Genius, I know. Has it been done?
 
2012-10-11 06:19:12 AM  
The Stepford Wife.
 
2012-10-11 06:27:07 AM  

Copthill: I would like some form of bottle brushes sticking out from the middle of my kitchen sinks, but quiet closely together, so I could rinse side plates that just have some crumbs on and teaspoons etc, and then pass them through the brushes and they'll be clean. Something like a cross between a golf ball cleaner and a car wash for dishes and cutlery.

I'm not a fan of getting dirty / soapy / oily / saucy dishwashing water on my hands so I always use gloves when washing the dishes, but then it's only worth waiting for them to pile up. Luckily where I live you can get weekly domestic help for about $75 a month :)


you're a pig! If you saved dishes for a week and expected me to wash them it would be with the hair on your head.
Funktillious is this your roomate????

funktilious_j: I would like a device that alerts the other people in my house that the kitchen is a fuc*ing mess. Perhaps the alert could be a cock/vag punch.


Because their eyes clearly don't see it. Tired of doing all the dishes, everyday.

 
2012-10-11 06:33:48 AM  
The ideal kitchen gadget was invented long ago, from some dude's old rib.
 
2012-10-11 06:37:21 AM  

Eckyhade: Copthill: I would like some form of bottle brushes sticking out from the middle of my kitchen sinks, but quiet closely together, so I could rinse side plates that just have some crumbs on and teaspoons etc, and then pass them through the brushes and they'll be clean. Something like a cross between a golf ball cleaner and a car wash for dishes and cutlery.

I'm not a fan of getting dirty / soapy / oily / saucy dishwashing water on my hands so I always use gloves when washing the dishes, but then it's only worth waiting for them to pile up. Luckily where I live you can get weekly domestic help for about $75 a month :)

you're a pig! If you saved dishes for a week and expected me to wash them it would be with the hair on your head.
Funktillious is this your roomate????


It's not like that! We're two bachelors so we don't even use many dishes. Pizza boxes and microwave meals have us covered. The "maid" comes on Thursdays, so we normally wash dishes on Sunday or Monday and then she only has about 3 days worth. Again, not more than a sinkful, mainly teacups, and maybe one pan.
 
2012-10-11 06:47:10 AM  
A "Get the fark out of here while I am trying to make dinner" button.
 
2012-10-11 06:50:33 AM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Jesus McSordid: To be serious for a moment, I want a consumer-priced dough roller for pizza or pastry. I have a Kitchen Aid mixer for mixing the dough, but now I'm still stuck with the drudgery of rolling it. Yeah, I'm lazy, so what?

Should be damned simple. You could even make it an attachment for the Kitchen Aid, but you could as readily make it standalone.

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 512x691]

Just scour the back country for an old washing machine.


Yeah no. I'm old enough to remember my mother using one of these things. In fact, I remember being struck on the head by one at a neighbour's house when it sprang open and the catch didn't, erm, catch. I was hoping for something safer and a LOT more compact.
 
2012-10-11 06:51:43 AM  

monty666: The cock-o-matic.


Title for next slasher movie: Cock-O-Matic meets Slap Chop
 
2012-10-11 07:00:11 AM  

ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.


Never fear, I work in the electronics development department for Whirlpool, and that very project has been consuming the past year of my life. Unfortunately, the initial washer/dryer wifi-enabled pair, due out next year, are going to be super high-end, so probably out of a lot of people's price ranges, but the wifi module is apparently going to eventually be cascaded down to more projects over the next few years, according to a press release that says we're going to integrate it into everything by 2015 (though the same release said we'd have the wifi dryer out by 2011). So in 3-4 years or so, expect to see this actually become a more widespread feature.
 
2012-10-11 07:00:43 AM  

quietwalker: I can't think of anything funny, so here's a real one:

Self-aware microwaves and stoves, along with self-identifying food.

I'm not trying to be funny - this is something we could do today.......


People who think that technology will give them tasty, healthy meals with no effort deserve to eat the kind of crap that this technology produces, e.g. gas station burritos.
 
2012-10-11 07:04:14 AM  

The Southern Dandy: An oven that can cook as fast or faster than a microwave, but will crisp and not make breads and crusts rubbery.


You can deal with this. Just start researching baking threads that talk about ways of getting moisture into the oven. My method is twofold: 1) a spray bottle of water, and 2) a pan of water. I'm lazy enough that most of the time I revert to #2.

/thread has so much win
 
2012-10-11 07:15:11 AM  

logistic: The Blowjob Dishwasher 3000


Those are already built into current dishwashers. You just have to get the accessory to get it operational.

Diamond earrings.
 
2012-10-11 07:23:38 AM  
I'd like to see an entire automated, enclosed kitchen using Fanuc-style spider robots with optical recognition.

Inputs:
Food
Power
Water
Used Dishes
cleaning fluids
recipes

Outputs:
Complete meals/beverages on clean dishes
E-Kanban grocery list
Consumption olap tables

That, or a food printer.
 
2012-10-11 07:24:20 AM  

eraser8: I'd like to see one of Marge Simpsons' favorite kitchen appliances: a raisin re-graper.

Because I farking hate raisins.

When I become Supreme Overlord of Earth (accept it, people; it's going to happen), the raisin will be outlawed.


You must really enjoy it when that chocolate chip cookie you just grabbed turns out not to be chocolate chip.
 
2012-10-11 07:29:17 AM  

dbirchall: Really, I'm holding out for the bonus...

[farm1.static.flickr.com image 462x500]


Came for this. It's all anyone needs.
 
2012-10-11 07:34:12 AM  

Birnone: Atomic Spunk: I'd like to see a device that jacks me off while simultaneously massaging my prostate gland. This would be an amazing tool to have when I want to glaze some donuts.

Yeah but where will the donuts come from? Or is that something I'd be better off not knowing?


Well, as long as he is excited about it, he's got a built-in donut caddy
 
2012-10-11 07:41:18 AM  
I don't understand why a gawddamn toaster takes so long to gawddamn get two lil pieces of bread golden brown.

It seems like a single high intensity flare from some high tech thingie would be able to accomplish this in under 5 gawddamn minutes.
 
2012-10-11 07:43:45 AM  
Hate gadgets, go out to eat.
 
2012-10-11 07:43:45 AM  

tonguedepressor: I don't understand why a gawddamn toaster takes so long to gawddamn get two lil pieces of bread golden brown.

It seems like a single high intensity flare from some high tech thingie would be able to accomplish this in under 5 gawddamn minutes.


My recommendation is you get yourself a butane toaster:

dailyartmuse.com
 
2012-10-11 07:44:08 AM  
I still want a microwave oven in my cars glovebox. Does that count?
 
2012-10-11 07:46:47 AM  
Something that washes and puts away the dishes...and scrubs the counters...and cleans the floor...
 
2012-10-11 07:52:41 AM  

SpinStopper: Replicator. Though I suspect that I would NEVER ask for "Tea. Earl Grey. Hot." Just on general principles ;)


Dude, that would be the first thing I replicated.

Then money. Lots of money.
 
2012-10-11 07:58:51 AM  

untaken_name: tonguedepressor: I don't understand why a gawddamn toaster takes so long to gawddamn get two lil pieces of bread golden brown.

It seems like a single high intensity flare from some high tech thingie would be able to accomplish this in under 5 gawddamn minutes.

My recommendation is you get yourself a butane toaster:

[dailyartmuse.com image 400x299]


That'd be great but I work at a kerosene/fireworks factory and live in a refinery.
 
2012-10-11 07:59:56 AM  
I want my refrigerator to keep an inventory of what's inside of it, and if possible, the items' expiration dates. It's too common an occurrence that some container of something gets pushed to the back of the middle shelf, where I can't see it, and then six months later I find it putrefied and moldy.

I would be willing to pay an extra five cents per item at the store for the necessary RFID tags to be added to everything.
 
2012-10-11 08:02:55 AM  
No kitchen is complete without a demon in the wall.

i406.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-11 08:03:33 AM  

tonguedepressor: untaken_name: tonguedepressor: I don't understand why a gawddamn toaster takes so long to gawddamn get two lil pieces of bread golden brown.

It seems like a single high intensity flare from some high tech thingie would be able to accomplish this in under 5 gawddamn minutes.

My recommendation is you get yourself a butane toaster:

[dailyartmuse.com image 400x299]

That'd be great but I work at a kerosene/fireworks factory and live in a refinery.


You ain't a skeerdy-cat, is you?
 
2012-10-11 08:04:12 AM  

funktilious_j: I would like a device that alerts the other people in my house that the kitchen is a fuc*ing mess. Perhaps the alert could be a cock/vag punch.


Because their eyes clearly don't see it. Tired of doing all the dishes, everyday.


If you find rancid washing up by the sink simply take it and dump it in people's beds. After a while people will start to wash their shiat up.
 
2012-10-11 08:09:05 AM  
A magnetic stirrer in the stove like the stirring hot plates used in chemistry labs.

Also why can't the stove maintain temperature of the food? Put a few IR themo sensors in the vent hood and have it control the heat.

I still don't know why we don't have dryers that can fold clothes yet.
 
2012-10-11 08:11:39 AM  
We use the baby monitor. Put the transmitter in the laundry room, carry the receiver around. You'll know when the laundry's done.
 
2012-10-11 08:13:31 AM  

farkingismybusiness: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x463]
[www.techi.com image 600x321]
[thesportspin.com image 360x240]


imageshack.us

winrar, this post cannot be topped

/thread
 
2012-10-11 08:21:18 AM  
A pro sandwich constructing apparatus. Dohoho!

Barring that, the star trek drink/food ordery machine.
 
2012-10-11 08:25:57 AM  
I want a machine that will automatically fold all of my laundry for me.
 
2012-10-11 08:27:07 AM  

ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.


you do laundry in the kitchen?
 
2012-10-11 08:28:02 AM  
Reverse microwave. Instead of heating, it cools.

Take a room temp beer from the bottom of the pantry, pop it in for 30 seconds to a minute, take out a beer at just over 40 degrees F.

Got left overs to freeze? Pop 'em in for 5 minutes, pull out a frozen solid block.
 
2012-10-11 08:29:24 AM  

Buffet: ambercricket: Star Trek Food Replicator

Best answer.


Yeah. And assuming the raw materials to feed it weren't prohibitively expensive, it's the one device that could bring down our entire economic system. I guess that's why they don't use money on Star Trek. They do have some sort of credit system, but I never really figured it out.
 
2012-10-11 08:31:29 AM  

funktilious_j: I would like a device that alerts the other people in my house that the kitchen is a fuc*ing mess. Perhaps the alert could be a cock/vag punch.


Because their eyes clearly don't see it. Tired of doing all the dishes, everyday.


Get your own dishes
wash only them
throw the rest in the garbage on garbage day
tell 'em to move out if they don't like it

\clean up after your selves farkers
\\pet peave
 
2012-10-11 08:31:36 AM  
I'd like a refrigerator that captures its waste heat for heating water for the dishwasher.
 
2012-10-11 08:37:11 AM  

IAMTHEINTARWEBS: ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.

you do laundry in the kitchen?


i do food prep and dishes in the shower

is that wrong?
 
2012-10-11 08:39:19 AM  

I drunk what: IAMTHEINTARWEBS: ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.

you do laundry in the kitchen?

i do food prep and dishes in the shower

is that wrong?


No, but it's funny.
 
2012-10-11 08:41:54 AM  
Electric jalapeno de-seeder
 
2012-10-11 08:46:41 AM  
imagecache2.allposters.com
 
2012-10-11 08:58:09 AM  

Gordon Bennett: One step easy auto burrito maker.

[www.lonelyplanet.com image 500x365]

/the one and the only thing I miss about San Francisco are the burritos.


I lived in San Diego for 10 Years before moving to SF.

Hate the SF burritos.

refried beans > beans + rice
 
2012-10-11 08:59:22 AM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-10-11 09:00:48 AM  
a countertop stomach pump!
 
2012-10-11 09:04:06 AM  
Mr Whiskey. Kind of like Mr. Coffee but for booze.
 
2012-10-11 09:04:35 AM  
The Piemaster™
 
2012-10-11 09:21:55 AM  
butler and/or smokin' hot maid
 
2012-10-11 09:24:37 AM  
A method for dry cleaning dishes in the cabinets. I farking hate washing, drying and putting away dishes.
 
2012-10-11 09:25:01 AM  
gadian
 

Not an appliance, but something to make my entire kitchen easier to use, stock, and clean. I want a food pill sort of like from the Jetsons, that is delayed release and expands to help the stomach feel full for 24 hours or more. I want to take 1 pill that eliminates the need and desire to eat and the hassle that comes along with food shopping, storage, prep, cooking, as well as portioning and caloric intake. It doesn't even have to have a flavor.
I want to never have to shop for food, cook, or stop to eat ever, ever again.


I've been saying this for years. Less teeth maintenance also, maybe.

Also, I'd like a can crusher that didn't just crush the can but would cube it into about 3/4 inch cubes for re-cycling without all the space problems.
 
2012-10-11 09:33:14 AM  
Probably something that can make dinner out of thin air. That would be cool
 
2012-10-11 09:38:07 AM  
toaster w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
touch screen telephone w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
knife w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
fork w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
spoon w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
kitchen cupboard w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
microwave w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
oven w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
stove w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
hot plate w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
silver wear drawer w/ wi-fi touch screen internet
 
2012-10-11 09:50:49 AM  

gunsmack: You know how you set the coffeemaker can be programmed to have a steaming hot cup ready at 6 am? I'm working on a cast iron pan version that will will do the same with 2 eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar, quarter pound of bacon and hash browns. I'll be a millionaire in about 5 minutes.


d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net

/would like to speak with you
 
2012-10-11 09:52:39 AM  
Shark Tank had a guy on last season trying to get investments for a bacon alarm clock. Perhaps not a kitchen item... He didn't get any money.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi-O0LCOqdQ
 
2012-10-11 09:55:37 AM  
is it wrong to want RFID tags in each item in your house?? including you
 
2012-10-11 09:57:13 AM  
weeklyworldnews.files.wordpress.com

Gallagher : "Sledge-O-Matic removes unwanted fingerprints from walls. Sledge-O-Matic also removes unwanted walls from fingerprints."
 
2012-10-11 10:28:12 AM  
io9.com
This detects what you're craving and makes it.
 
2012-10-11 10:29:25 AM  
img2-2.timeinc.net
 
2012-10-11 10:30:38 AM  
Self-cleaning refrigerator

/ would also accept a robot maid
 
2012-10-11 10:33:13 AM  

i.r.id10t: Reverse microwave. Instead of heating, it cools.

Take a room temp beer from the bottom of the pantry, pop it in for 30 seconds to a minute, take out a beer at just over 40 degrees F.

Got left overs to freeze? Pop 'em in for 5 minutes, pull out a frozen solid block.


LG has a refrigerator that does exactly what you're looking for. Search for "LG Blast Chiller". Arguably the best thing to happpen to beer since Billy Beer went out of production.
 
2012-10-11 10:41:57 AM  
.
.
.
.
Please sign me up for a NigellaBot as soon as they are available.
i46.tinypic.com
 
2012-10-11 10:44:49 AM  

Eckyhade: Don't you understand the value and sense of personal well-being to savor the experience to cook yourself something delicious to eat?
What do you plan to do with the extra time you save not cooking your own food? You should be soaking some beans, adding some spices cooking them making some home made tortilla shells, making some pico di gallo, grating some cheese...then you will know the secret to a happy life. Not eating something from a microwave. For me there is nothing that can be made in a microwave equal to what can be made on a stove except hot water and even that is still questionable.


I actually cook all the time. My lunch today is jerked chicken, swiss chard leaves blanched and tossed in smoked sesame oil, squash simmered in broth, fried patties made from kidney beans (think falafel) with garlic and hot paprika mayo, red onion slices pickled with lemon juice, sea salt, mustard and cumin seed, and some diced apples and manchego cheese. All my lunches are at least 5 separate courses.

This takes time, effort, and some tiny bit of knowledge, and even I hate spending more than 20 minutes doing food prep at 7 am, when I'm only really prepared to curse at the sun. Lots of it I make in advance, but I don't always have the time or energy or desire.

Now, I've come off running a kitchen for 3 years, making meals for 40+ at a time. My mom was a home ec teacher, and I've been cooking since I was 6. What are Joe/Jane Schmoe going to do when they want 'good' food. They can't cook. Home Ec around the country doesn't even have cooking as a subject anymore. Their best is still going to be crappy.

Realize we're not just talking about school kids and office workers - as a whole, the US doesn't eat real homecooked meals anymore, or even have a regular communal meal. Some folks point to this as being associated with obesity as it fosters the fast-food lifestyle, and engenders bad eating habits among children.

Where to start? Well, why not make it easier to cook - both crappy foods and not crappy food. Once they realize that the best food can be made at home, you've got them hooked. Get the appliances to suggest healthy meals - make it ~easy~ for them to choose their nutritional lifestyle, rather than just fall into it by accident. Give them the confidence to try new foods, and the tools to let them cook them.

Besides, there's nothing wrong with reducing the effort for cooking. It doesn't necessarily lead to foods poor in quality or nutrition. Who cares if their starting point is 'Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Cookbook'? If it's good, eat it!
 
2012-10-11 10:52:41 AM  

i.r.id10t: Reverse microwave. Instead of heating, it cools.

Take a room temp beer from the bottom of the pantry, pop it in for 30 seconds to a minute, take out a beer at just over 40 degrees F.

Got left overs to freeze? Pop 'em in for 5 minutes, pull out a frozen solid block.


They do have freezing ;grills' that work like a cold version of a frying pan. You can 'cook' ice cream on them. As for liquids, there are various quality chillers, some of the best will drop the temp 30 degrees in a minute.

As far as normal needs though, you can just freeze things by putting them in the freezer. No need to worry that they're not immediately frozen. Unless you're making Wall-E style blocks for architectural purposes, you don't need it frozen solid that fast. Besides, the biggest problem with trying to freeze hot food is the moisture - you want to let as much as possible escape before freezing, or it tends to hasten ruining the food.
 
2012-10-11 11:06:46 AM  

Jesus McSordid: To be serious for a moment, I want a consumer-priced dough roller for pizza or pastry. I have a Kitchen Aid mixer for mixing the dough, but now I'm still stuck with the drudgery of rolling it. Yeah, I'm lazy, so what?

Should be damned simple. You could even make it an attachment for the Kitchen Aid, but you could as readily make it standalone.


They have pasta rollers ( Link ) and Fondant rollers that are hand-crankers. Unless you go to commercial grade, it would be hard to find an electric one. They used to sell the electric rollers in the 70's and 80's but some teenage girl got her hand stuck in a machine (I believe she lost some fingers and crippled the hand) and sued the company that made them, and now they no longer make them.

I did a kitchen remodel about 2 years ago, here are some awesome things that I love:

Undercabinet lighting on a motion controlled sensor. Come in to the kitchen from the garage at night or early morning and automagical lights come on that aren't blinding. $40 switch from Ace hardware.

Convection double-oven WITH A TIMER (Put potatos in the oven in the morning, have the thing start at say, 3PM while everyone is still at work, baked potatos when you get home without a 1+ hour cook time).

Silent Dishwasher WITH A TIMER (Have it set to start at 2AM, does not interrupt showers, doesn't wake anyone).

Soft-close drawers - Completely awesome.

Heated floors - Completely awesome.

The big thing I want is a kitchen computer. Something that is voice activated to play music, look up recipes, etc. Projected screen on say, the backsplash behind the cooktop, projected keyboard. That is what I want.
 
2012-10-11 11:24:01 AM  

NikkiPoooo: ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.

My parents washer and dryer play really, really loud music when they're done. You can hear it anywhere in the house.


My clothes washer gives me two choices: Silence or a loud buzz every time it changes its operation, wash, buzz, spin, buzz, rinse, buzz, spin, buzz, rinse, buzz, spin, buzz. Duh?
 
2012-10-11 11:26:02 AM  

0Icky0: jtown: A frozen pot pie takes two or three minutes in the microwave and about 45-50 minutes in a convection oven. (But the flaky crust is worth the wait.)

That would be maybe 20 minutes in one of these..I've got one at home and one at the office. Farking love them.


Dude. Why the fark haven't I heard of this?

What are you normally cooking in it? What items do you find get the best results vs. regular oven?
 
2012-10-11 11:41:00 AM  

FirstDennis: Please sign me up for a NigellaBot as soon as they are available.
[i46.tinypic.com image 376x490]


I'll take two. One strictly for the bedroom. The other one will also cook.

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-10-11 11:49:10 AM  
A button I can push that makes the house smell like I'm cooking something so that people won't know I'm just nuking something from the freezer.
 
2012-10-11 12:18:48 PM  

Copthill: I would like some form of bottle brushes sticking out from the middle of my kitchen sinks, but quiet closely together, so I could rinse side plates that just have some crumbs on and teaspoons etc, and then pass them through the brushes and they'll be clean. Something like a cross between a golf ball cleaner and a car wash for dishes and cutlery.

I'm not a fan of getting dirty / soapy / oily / saucy dishwashing water on my hands so I always use gloves when washing the dishes, but then it's only worth waiting for them to pile up. Luckily where I live you can get weekly domestic help for about $75 a month :)


Available from most bar/food service suppliers

img1.foodservicewarehouse.com 

/hot
 
2012-10-11 12:22:43 PM  
Automated candy maker that stirs the chocolate or caramel in the pot so it doesn't burn while it caramelized. Could also be used for custard. I saw giant versions of these at the Girardelli facility in San Francisco. It'd be nice to have a kitchen version.
 
2012-10-11 12:25:14 PM  
It's mentioned earlier, but an improved version of a water boiler that can handle milk and other more complex liquids. An alternative to a microwave, something that uses conduction to heat up a small amount of liquid, perhaps 4-6 cups.
 
2012-10-11 12:34:37 PM  

Bourbonman: Copthill: I would like some form of bottle brushes sticking out from the middle of my kitchen sinks, but quiet closely together, so I could rinse side plates that just have some crumbs on and teaspoons etc, and then pass them through the brushes and they'll be clean. Something like a cross between a golf ball cleaner and a car wash for dishes and cutlery.

I'm not a fan of getting dirty / soapy / oily / saucy dishwashing water on my hands so I always use gloves when washing the dishes, but then it's only worth waiting for them to pile up. Luckily where I live you can get weekly domestic help for about $75 a month :)

Available from most bar/food service suppliers

/hot


Come to daddy.
 
2012-10-11 01:05:17 PM  

DirkValentine: 0Icky0: jtown: A frozen pot pie takes two or three minutes in the microwave and about 45-50 minutes in a convection oven. (But the flaky crust is worth the wait.)

That would be maybe 20 minutes in one of these..I've got one at home and one at the office. Farking love them.

Dude. Why the fark haven't I heard of this?

What are you normally cooking in it? What items do you find get the best results vs. regular oven?


Wow! I don't cook much, but that thing makes me want to. And I got over my sticker shock after converting Hong Kong $ to U.S.

I bookmarked that link so I can go back to it when I have some cash to spend. Thanks, guize!
 
2012-10-11 01:20:55 PM  
I want to come home from the farmers' market and drop my produce into a device that will wash them thoroughly, remove the icky brown bits, take off stems, cut out the inedible parts, peel them, and put them in clean containers so I can chuck 'em in the fridge, cook them, eat them whatever.

Oh yeah, and a dryer that cleans its own lint trap. I've heard of several dryer fires, including one where the woman was home and smelled smoke, another where someone set the dryer and went to bed and the thing was running 9 hours later (smoking), and one that wiped out an animal shelter.
 
2012-10-11 01:55:09 PM  

logistic: The Blowjob Dishwasher 3000


Someone already invented your mom...
 
2012-10-11 02:02:17 PM  
I have two:

1) An automatic dog poop picker-upper.

and

2) An automatic laundry folder and put-awayer.
 
2012-10-11 02:13:48 PM  

ozarkmatt: ami5000: I don't know, but it would be nice if the washer and dryer could text me when that sh*t is done. Minutes in laundry world are not the same amount of time as everywhere else.

Something like that did exist, it still might. When I worked for a company that sold appliances, we had a special order washer/dryer that we advertised for a bit. It came with a remote timer countdown display. You could buy more of you needed. Put them around the house and the appliance would use some sort of wifi (radio?) waves to connect to the timers. Anywhere in the house, you could see where the washer / dryer was in the cycle. When it was done, the little display would buzz and flash red lights. It was pretty cool.

I don't remember what company made it or even if it's still around. I do remember it was pretty high end expensive.


The company that provides the washer/dryers at our apartment complex lists a couple of locations that will text you when wash/rying is done. Unfortunatly, our complex is not listed, so I haven't been able to test to see if it actually works. Would be kinda cool, as we live on the 3rd floor and the laundry room is in the basement, with no elevator.
 
2012-10-11 02:39:35 PM  

Sandwyrm: It's mentioned earlier, but an improved version of a water boiler that can handle milk and other more complex liquids. An alternative to a microwave, something that uses conduction to heat up a small amount of liquid, perhaps 4-6 cups.


The thermador gas cooktop with a star burner might be what you're looking for. Linky. The thing is awesome, boils water (and other liquids) quickly, the burners are raised so spills don't cause a problem. I highly recommend it.
 
2012-10-11 02:43:41 PM  

i.r.id10t: Reverse microwave. Instead of heating, it cools.

Take a room temp beer from the bottom of the pantry, pop it in for 30 seconds to a minute, take out a beer at just over 40 degrees F.

Got left overs to freeze? Pop 'em in for 5 minutes, pull out a frozen solid block.


They are called "Blast Chillers". LG makes a fridge specifically designed to cool beers. Link

THE FUTURE IS NOW!
 
2012-10-11 03:51:28 PM  

jonjr215: I have two:

1) An automatic dog poop picker-upper.

and

2) An automatic laundry folder and put-awayer.


You've got dog poop in your kitchen???? You're doing it wrong....You're supposed to give the dog leftovers not the other way around. You've got dirty laundry in your kitchen??? You're doing it wrong. You need to buy an apron. jeesh...I can't believe that needs explained.
 
2012-10-11 08:28:07 PM  
I am always asking my wife to buy me an automatic deviled egg maker. I don't even mind if it take an hour or so to turn raws eggs, mustard and mayo into my favorite low carb food. It's OK if I have to add the paprika myself.
 
2012-10-11 08:32:55 PM  
automatic cat food dispenser that the little beastie can't outsmart
 
2012-10-11 08:59:25 PM  

ktybear: I had no idea!

[honestinfomercialreviews.com image 357x400]

[dealninja.files.wordpress.com image 604x410]

[lh4.ggpht.com image 512x384] 


/I'd just like a replicator


You'd just use it to make more replicators...don't think we're not onto you.
 
2012-10-11 10:22:53 PM  

DirkValentine: 0Icky0: jtown: A frozen pot pie takes two or three minutes in the microwave and about 45-50 minutes in a convection oven. (But the flaky crust is worth the wait.)

That would be maybe 20 minutes in one of these..I've got one at home and one at the office. Farking love them.
Dude. Why the fark haven't I heard of this?
What are you normally cooking in it? What items do you find get the best results vs. regular oven?


It's amazing for small, homemade pizzas. Just 9 minutes.
I use it to cook almost everything else except for steaks, which should be done on a hot pan.
These ovens are very very fast, and leaves your meat crispy outside and juicy inside. Vegetables too, if you like to grill veggies.
 
2012-10-12 08:50:09 PM  
davidszondy.com

The Foodarackasackle
 
2012-10-12 08:51:14 PM  
Oops! Didn't notice it had already been posted...
 
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