If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Sun)   Dear Deidre: My girlfriend thinks I'm gay. What should I do?   (thesun.co.uk) divider line 138
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

14754 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2012 at 9:37 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



138 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-10-11 11:17:43 AM  
Most would figure out where the line is between romantic, and causing her to use a mace, not a spray can. Then prove to her exactly how much of a boyfriend he is.
 
2012-10-11 11:19:54 AM  
Seriously, people. it's not that hard to set up an encrypted hard drive to keep your old, shameful thing in. I'd dump him for not knowing how to keep prying eyes out of his computer, sheesh.
 
2012-10-11 11:21:25 AM  
Buy her a strap-on and tell her your favorite star trek episode is The Best of Both Worlds.
 
2012-10-11 11:21:55 AM  

wildcardjack: It's all made up.

17 year olds don't use chat rooms and wouldn't have chat logs from 2 or 3 years ago. Furthermore it would take an amazingly talented teen girl to find ancient chat logs.


You've got to be kidding. Hello? Every major chat server in the 90s had a "teen chat" that was filled with hormonal 14-17 year olds? They even had to ban anyone under 13 because it was filling with 12 year olds and the 18 year olds were hormonal and talking dirty and looking for local meetups!

When I was a kid, IRC was FULL of 13-16 year olds who were farking archivists. They had logs from back in the early 90s. It was insane. Some of these people had indexes and would pull up anything they vaguely remembered you saying, or just go searching in arguments for inconsistencies--if you said it 4 years ago and you say something different now, you're being inconsistent. That works on the campaign trail, but spread across years? I wouldn't hold it against Mitt Romney if he was pro-Planned Parenthood years ago, changed his mind, and started campaigning; you call it when they flip mid-campaign, or as soon as they start campaigning (whoops time to change direction, the wind's blowing the other way!).

Adults aren't any better, they're as douchey as teenagers. I know. I spent my teenage life with teenagers on the Internet. The only difference is more teenagers loudly scream that they're gay or constantly cry that they don't have a girlfriend, while adults coast until they get a girlfriend and at most look around for some head or something.
 
2012-10-11 11:25:21 AM  
Fark her mom.
 
2012-10-11 11:26:08 AM  
Fark the hostage?
 
2012-10-11 11:28:16 AM  
I think I'd like to be reincarnated as a lesbian. That way I can have sex with women and still hit from the red tees.
 
2012-10-11 11:29:29 AM  

Silverstaff: blah blah penis plesmograph...


Interesting. So there's overwhelming evidence that there is no such thing as a bisexual male, but when you weed through it you find it's--unsurprisingly--overwhelming evidence to the contrary. A few flecks of gold in a field of shiat, basically: all you see (even with a good search) is a field of shiat until you do some serious sifting with a centrifuge.
 
2012-10-11 11:31:56 AM  

Larson E. Whipsnade: I think I'd like to be reincarnated as a lesbian. That way I can have sex with women and still hit from the red tees.


That is by far the strongest case for reincarnation I have ever heard. Bravo, sir.

www.threadbombing.com
 
2012-10-11 11:36:33 AM  
If you want people to stop thinking you're gay, stop the butt chugging!!!
 
2012-10-11 11:49:07 AM  

Slaxl: I remember the day I realised having a porn folder was pointless, even bookmarks were dangerous.


Name the folder "Taxes 2007"

Bwahahaha!
 
2012-10-11 11:50:14 AM  

KatjaMouse: LordZorch: Straight men have never been "confused" or "attracted to both girls and boys", but lots of gay men have had this happen to them...

Actually more accurate studies have been coming out regarding male sexuality recently because the myth that there's no such thing as a bi-man, just a gay in denial has been challenged by flawed studies. They've contested in the past that bi-sexual volunteers in the past were in fact gay all the while and just sleeping with men while not even giving women a chance. On the flip side it's also hypothesized that there were bi men who would only allow themselves to sleep with women or didn't want to be thought of as gay if they admitted to any attraction to men. Now a days, what with guys being more open and flexible about discussing sexuality, researchers are finding actual genuine bi-sexual men to volunteer for their studies.


I've held the door open for several gay guys to come out of the closet...very often the first step out is "I'm bi-sexual"...which usually means they've got a girlfriend (of who they were frequently genuinely fond) but would much prefer to have a boyfriend.
Always looked on this as though they were testing the water, or gradually getting their heads around a scary scary idea (read 'truth').

Only one guy ever came right out and said "I'm gay"...and he was (and still is) my best friend.
 
2012-10-11 11:51:44 AM  

Jim from Saint Paul: Valiente: NuttierThanEver: to bring back an old FARK meme

Fark her cat.

[www.blorgh.blogger.com.br image 626x696]

The only Garfield with Garfield I've ever found funny.

How is lasagna as a lube?

Chunkier then you might guess.


Wasting lasagna as lube? Eww.

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com
 
2012-10-11 11:57:43 AM  
One of the best strategies a guy can use for getting laid is to pretend he's gay......girls will constantly try to "straighten" him out.

"I don't know, I still feel kind of gay. Maybe we should do it a couple more times."

Don't believe me? Stories like this are all too common.

"It turned out that Kim had spent almost the whole time trying to seduce him. She kept asking him if he was really gay and had invited him several times to go back to her hotel with her. I guess she felt that if she managed to convince him he wasn't gay, she would have accomplished some major personal feat. (This isn't an unusual event. It's happened to both of us several times before and after this occasion.)"

Rock Chic Attempts to "Cure" Gay Dude
 
2012-10-11 12:27:02 PM  
Truecrypt. Assume that one day someone is going to go through ever file on your computer and look at everything. Anything the slightest bit private or embarrassing should be in a Truecrypt volume.
 
2012-10-11 12:30:02 PM  

elementalogic: dittybopper: FirstNationalBastard: elementalogic: Then my girlfriend found some old stuff on my computer going back to my early teens

You mean she's so insecure and emotionally immature that she felt the need to check up on your actions from years before you were dating? Gay or not, you should cut your losses kid. There's only more drama down this road.

Even more drama than if he found himself a nice man.

You know, I have been told not to stick my dick in crazy. That would seem to exclude straight women and gay men, so the only group left would seem to be lesbians, and, well, we know the odds of that happening.

Don't exclude the primates. Once you go chimp you'll never go limp.

/sorry


Monkey sex
 
2012-10-11 12:45:03 PM  

fireclown: Nemo's Brother: Guys aren't bi. They are gay or not. Girls are bi. "Straight" guys never kiss each other or fondle each other at a bar.

That's because it doesn't get us attention from women.


hmm... I think you're wrong...
I bet a guy kissing and fondling another guy *would* get quite a bit of attention from women at a bar.

/you should test my theory and let us know how it comes out.
 
2012-10-11 12:50:33 PM  

Real Women Drink Akvavit: Blues Lounger: it sucks being a lesbian in a straight man's body

Donahue did an episode on that kind of thing a long time ago. A bunch of guys who had sex changes because they were "lesbians trapped in a man's body". Freaky stuff, dude.


I know this is troll bait, but yes, it's a real thing. Sexual orientation (being attracted to men, women, both or neither) and tanssexualism (being a "man trapped in a woman's body" or vice versa) are completely separate things, so yes, it's possible to be a transsexual lesbian or gay man. Chaz Bono is an example of a straight ftm transsexual man, while. Matt Kailey is a gay ftm transsexual man, for example.

Or you could say that Kailey is androphilic and Bono is gynophilic, if you want to avoid debating "which attraction is the gay one" for transsexuals.
 
2012-10-11 12:58:01 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: Turn in your Man card, buy some fabulous clothes and accept the fact that you are gay. (NTTATWWT). Here are my reasons:

[snipped]

There's nothing wrong with being gay. Many gay people go on to live full and exciting lives. Here's hoping you find Mr. Right, settle down in that nice loft and raise a show quality Lhasa Apso.


It's somewhat funny that you don't even see the contradiction. "You're not a real man if you're gay, but I am in no way judging you."
 
2012-10-11 01:05:02 PM  
Canceling your subscription to Men on Men would be a good start.
 
2012-10-11 01:05:11 PM  
The fact that he wrote an advise columnist pretty much confirms he is gay.
 
2012-10-11 01:05:39 PM  

JohnCarter: She needs to help bang the gay out of him, at least 3 times a day during the week, more on the weekends. If she is no available then her hot friends need to come over and assist with the banging out of the gay.


That'd probably be a lot funnier if "corrective rape" weren't an actual thing.
 
2012-10-11 01:09:07 PM  
This is a good thing, dude.

Now you know you have a spying coont of a girlfriend - serves her right.

Take the opportunity to lay as many women as possible - in your room - and invite her to watch. If she's mad just say, "Hey, you're the one that asked me to prove I'm not gay!".
 
2012-10-11 01:10:36 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: your 17 why do you need a girlfriend anyway? i'm 31 and i've never been in a relationship of any kind. women don't really buy the whole "love" thing. contrary to popular belief. it's all sex sex sex with them.


I'm failing to see the downside.
 
2012-10-11 01:35:02 PM  

ciberido: Harry Freakstorm: Turn in your Man card, buy some fabulous clothes and accept the fact that you are gay. (NTTATWWT). Here are my reasons:

[snipped]

There's nothing wrong with being gay. Many gay people go on to live full and exciting lives. Here's hoping you find Mr. Right, settle down in that nice loft and raise a show quality Lhasa Apso.

It's somewhat funny that you don't even see the contradiction. "You're not a real man if you're gay, but I am in no way judging you."


I think he's actually saying: "you're not a real man if you can't acknowledge and admit what you are, instead of pretending to be something else".
 
2012-10-11 02:02:03 PM  

TheManofPA: Ask for a threeway with her two hottest female friends so you can test it once and for all?


FTFY
 
2012-10-11 02:02:45 PM  

ciberido: Real Women Drink Akvavit: Blues Lounger: it sucks being a lesbian in a straight man's body

Donahue did an episode on that kind of thing a long time ago. A bunch of guys who had sex changes because they were "lesbians trapped in a man's body". Freaky stuff, dude.

I know this is troll bait, but yes, it's a real thing. Sexual orientation (being attracted to men, women, both or neither) and tanssexualism (being a "man trapped in a woman's body" or vice versa) are completely separate things, so yes, it's possible to be a transsexual lesbian or gay man. Chaz Bono is an example of a straight ftm transsexual man, while. Matt Kailey is a gay ftm transsexual man, for example.

Or you could say that Kailey is androphilic and Bono is gynophilic, if you want to avoid debating "which attraction is the gay one" for transsexuals.


I cannot keep all of the different sexual orientations or gender identities straight any longer. It's more complex than making a homemade puff pastry for your dinner time homemade beef wellington with gorgonzola (which is easy for me, but definitely not everyone). I propose we switch to "I likes teh secksay time" or "I don't likes teh secksay time" and mind our own business about what kind of equipment they were born packing their diapers with as well as with whom another likes to have teh secksay time (so long as they are the legal age of consent, of course). Well, I guess we all have things that we'll never quite "get", so it is best to stick to things we do know. 

Thank you for teaching me new, non-cooking related words - and including definitions for one so I could figure out the other. ;-)
 
2012-10-11 02:27:34 PM  

jabelar: Also (and this applies to the advice given in the column as well) I feel you DO have a right to know a partner's dating history or any identity "confusion". It is very devastating for people when after years of investing in a relationship their partner decides they really are gay, and unfair to withhold information about that risk from them.


You have the right to know stuff that has repercussions for YOU, yes. Something that could result in a pregnancy (he lied when he said he'd had a vasectomy) or a disease (she neglected to tell you she was HIV-positive) are the most obvious things.

So, information about a SIGNIFICANT risk, yes. But "He should tell you that he might be gay because he might realize it when he's 40 and then he would divorce you" seems to be pretty tenuous as a man might divorce his wife when he's 40 for any number of reasons.

The real problem is that the very ones who would most need to give such a warning (someone who will only come to realize that he's gay or transgender at age 40) are the ones least able to give it, because at 17 they don't know how it's going to affect them. Someone who KNOWS he's bisexual at 17 and has no doubts isn't likely to stop being sexually attracted to women at age 40.  It's something of a Catch-22.
 
2012-10-11 02:42:12 PM  
You guys are forgetting the big picture--this guy is British, so it's easy for him to be sexually confused.
 
2012-10-11 03:10:22 PM  

bluefoxicy: wildcardjack: It's all made up.

17 year olds don't use chat rooms and wouldn't have chat logs from 2 or 3 years ago. Furthermore it would take an amazingly talented teen girl to find ancient chat logs.


You've got to be kidding. Hello? Every major chat server in the 90s had a "teen chat" that was filled with hormonal 14-17 year olds? They even had to ban anyone under 13 because it was filling with 12 year olds and the 18 year olds were hormonal and talking dirty and looking for local meetups!

When I was a kid, IRC was FULL of 13-16 year olds who were farking archivists. They had logs from back in the early 90s. It was insane. Some of these people had indexes and would pull up anything they vaguely remembered you saying, or just go searching in arguments for inconsistencies--if you said it 4 years ago and you say something different now, you're being inconsistent. That works on the campaign trail, but spread across years? I wouldn't hold it against Mitt Romney if he was pro-Planned Parenthood years ago, changed his mind, and started campaigning; you call it when they flip mid-campaign, or as soon as they start campaigning (whoops time to change direction, the wind's blowing the other way!).

Adults aren't any better, they're as douchey as teenagers. I know. I spent my teenage life with teenagers on the Internet. The only difference is more teenagers loudly scream that they're gay or constantly cry that they don't have a girlfriend, while adults coast until they get a girlfriend and at most look around for some head or something.


I concur. I still have the IRC and ICQ logs from the mid 90s when I was in my early teens(and everything since).
 
2012-10-11 04:26:33 PM  

LordZorch: Straight men have never been "confused" or "attracted to both girls and boys", but lots of gay men have had this happen to them...


You sound gay. Seriously.
 
2012-10-11 04:45:41 PM  
My take- there are bi-gay-straight men out there, but there are some men who are just super horny and care more about availability then gender. Think prison-style.
 
2012-10-11 06:24:10 PM  
Dump her and get a less judgmental girl.

Plenty of fish, etc.
 
2012-10-11 07:07:09 PM  
If your girlfriend thinks you're gay, you STOP FARKING GUYS.
 
2012-10-12 04:36:44 AM  
134 comments and no "anal"?
 
2012-10-12 10:05:05 AM  
Take your girlfriend to an analyst
 
2012-10-12 06:35:21 PM  

ciberido: jabelar: Also (and this applies to the advice given in the column as well) I feel you DO have a right to know a partner's dating history or any identity "confusion". It is very devastating for people when after years of investing in a relationship their partner decides they really are gay, and unfair to withhold information about that risk from them.

You have the right to know stuff that has repercussions for YOU, yes. Something that could result in a pregnancy (he lied when he said he'd had a vasectomy) or a disease (she neglected to tell you she was HIV-positive) are the most obvious things.

So, information about a SIGNIFICANT risk, yes. But "He should tell you that he might be gay because he might realize it when he's 40 and then he would divorce you" seems to be pretty tenuous as a man might divorce his wife when he's 40 for any number of reasons.


It IS a significant risk that should be revealed. Yes there may be other risks, but that doesn't absolve him from revealing this one.

Marriage or even general life partnership is a huge investment, and you deserve to know as much as is available.

Every relationship I've been in, my partner and I know all previous partners. Why wouldn't you share that info? Any secrecy is a pretty big warning sign in a relationship.

The idea that you deserve privacy from a life partner (or business partner, or anyone one relying on you) is an ethical stretch.
 
2012-10-13 01:47:54 AM  

jabelar: It IS a significant risk that should be revealed. Yes there may be other risks, but that doesn't absolve him from revealing this one.


Is it? Can you prove that? You seem to be asserting that bisexuals are likely to change their sexual orientation to being exclusively gay at some future date (or realize that they were "really gay all along" as the case may be). Are you aware of any studies that substantiate this stereotype?

Also, are bisexuals significantly more likely to divorce their spouses than heterosexuals?
 
Displayed 38 of 138 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report