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(Fark)   If you were to make a recording to leave for someone in the future to find, what would you say?   (fark.com) divider line 246
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1453 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2012 at 12:11 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



246 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-10-10 07:57:47 PM  
One word.

Dickbutt.

That is all.
 
2012-10-10 07:58:03 PM  
i'd basically just tell them my dreams and fail to mention that they were dreams. just leave a recording of 'history' and talk about things like riding my dinosaur to work because i cant afford a flying car.

and like maybe how i wish i had a zombie butler because my monkey is getting goddamn uppity.
 
2012-10-10 07:59:00 PM  
That I will never give them up, let them down....
 
2012-10-10 08:00:21 PM  
GET YOUR ASS TO MAHS!
 
2012-10-10 08:00:33 PM  
I'd leave them this gif:
i112.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-10 08:02:40 PM  
I appreciate it, I do, but
Just leave me alone
Leave me alone
Just leave me alone
Nothing's gonna change
You can go away
 
2012-10-10 08:02:46 PM  
It would be that sex tape I made with your mom.
 
2012-10-10 08:04:07 PM  

Spoon over Marin: I'd leave them this gif:
[i112.photobucket.com image 361x439]


Can you do that with a vagina? If so, that would be epic.
 
2012-10-10 08:05:59 PM  
An X-Files episode dubbed with Swedish.
 
2012-10-10 08:07:47 PM  

basemetal: It would be that sex tape I made with your mom.


I lold at that, I don't know why normally your mom jokes don't get me...
 
2012-10-10 08:13:09 PM  
"Sorry about the global warming" followed by a Nelson Hahaa
 
2012-10-10 08:15:45 PM  
I'd tell them don't stop. Believing. Hold on to that feeling.
 
2012-10-10 08:15:53 PM  
eat a bag of dicks
 
2012-10-10 08:16:37 PM  
Didn't expect this to go green.
 
2012-10-10 08:17:26 PM  

rappy: eat a bag of dicks


what happened to all of our bowls?!
 
2012-10-10 08:17:49 PM  
Reminds me of this article. It's an intriguing problem.

Me, I'd probably pull a Voynich Manuscript kind of thing and make up a language and they'd spend decades trying to figure out what ancient dialect it was.
 
2012-10-10 08:18:25 PM  
Green! Hah.

sgt cyanide: what happened to all of our bowls?!


Sorry, I didn't feel like unloading the dishwasher this morning
 
2012-10-10 08:18:29 PM  

texdent: Didn't expect this to go green.


That's what she said?
 
2012-10-10 08:18:54 PM  
It wouldn't matter- we're going to kill ourselves off before too long anyways.
 
2012-10-10 08:20:20 PM  

MissFeasance: Green! Hah.

sgt cyanide: what happened to all of our bowls?!

Sorry, I didn't feel like unloading the dishwasher this morning


Nothing like walking out the door in the morning with a ziploc of cornflakes and milk in your hand.
 
2012-10-10 08:21:16 PM  

sgt cyanide: rappy: eat a bag of dicks

what happened to all of our bowls?!


At the rate our country is going, I'm going to assume a bowl would be a snack for the future fatties. I wanted to be generous and give them a whole bag
 
2012-10-10 08:21:26 PM  
What does this button d...
 
2012-10-10 08:22:14 PM  

andyofne: Spoon over Marin: I'd leave them this gif:
[i112.photobucket.com image 361x439]

Can you do that with a vagina? If so, that would be epic.


I can't but I bet she can when the wind is blowing.
 
2012-10-10 08:22:49 PM  
Is it okay to season a bag of dicks with Bavarian wine mustard?
 
2012-10-10 08:24:09 PM  
Never trust a fart.
 
2012-10-10 08:24:59 PM  

FunkOut: Is it okay to season a bag of dicks with Bavarian wine mustard?


youre pregnant?
 
2012-10-10 08:25:01 PM  

FunkOut: Is it okay to season a bag of dicks with Bavarian wine mustard?


IDK what that is so yes!
 
2012-10-10 08:25:36 PM  

texdent: Didn't expect this to go green.


I know. Right?
 
2012-10-10 08:26:07 PM  
I left some notes for the future last night. I can't give specifics because they aren't out of the building yet, but they won't be found for a long time.
 
2012-10-10 08:28:29 PM  
Honestly, I'd just leave them a picture of my junk.
 
2012-10-10 08:28:31 PM  

sgt cyanide: FunkOut: Is it okay to season a bag of dicks with Bavarian wine mustard?

youre pregnant?


Yeah, and I've been at PukeCon Level 1 for the past week.
 
2012-10-10 08:28:52 PM  

sgt cyanide: rappy: eat a bag of dicks

what happened to all of our bowls?!


i112.photobucket.com

There 'ya go!
 
2012-10-10 08:29:53 PM  

FunkOut: sgt cyanide: FunkOut: Is it okay to season a bag of dicks with Bavarian wine mustard?

youre pregnant?

Yeah, and I've been at PukeCon Level 1 for the past week.


yes i figured thats what it was
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-10-10 08:30:16 PM  
"Homies over hoes"
 
2012-10-10 08:30:20 PM  
Oh, and light switch time capsules are a cool idea, too. I'm going to do this next time we move.

guide-images.makeprojects.org
 
2012-10-10 08:31:24 PM  

MBK: "Homies over hoes"


I've always lived by the opposite of this. It probably explains a few things. Mainly, why I have no friends.
 
2012-10-10 08:31:36 PM  
Oh man, stuck my foot in my mouth for a green thread. Hey moderator, I only insult submitter's mom in TFD threads, how about deleting my comments.
 
2012-10-10 08:31:47 PM  

MBK: "Homies over hoes"


Homosexuals over gardening implements? This sounds cruel.
 
2012-10-10 08:33:22 PM  

MissFeasance: Oh, and light switch time capsules are a cool idea, too. I'm going to do this next time we move.

[guide-images.makeprojects.org image 300x225]


Brilliant!
 
2012-10-10 08:35:16 PM  

MissFeasance: Oh, and light switch time capsules are a cool idea, too. I'm going to do this next time we move.

[guide-images.makeprojects.org image 300x225]


ok that is cool.
 
2012-10-10 08:37:51 PM  

atlfarkette: MissFeasance: Oh, and light switch time capsules are a cool idea, too. I'm going to do this next time we move.

[guide-images.makeprojects.org image 300x225]

Brilliant!


And to think I settled for shoving yogurt cups into the interior of walls along plumbing pipes.
 
2012-10-10 08:42:59 PM  

FunkOut: sgt cyanide: FunkOut: Is it okay to season a bag of dicks with Bavarian wine mustard?

youre pregnant?

Yeah, and I've been at PukeCon Level 1 for the past week.


The three times that I knocked up Mrs Bad Apple she referred to it as "It's morning somewhere sickness"
 
2012-10-10 09:00:53 PM  
And everyone, this is what happens to TFD threads.
 
2012-10-10 09:01:31 PM  
I'd spoil every ending to every movie and show
 
2012-10-10 09:12:05 PM  

FunkOut: And everyone, this is what happens to TFD threads.


Only when they go green before the juicy stuff gets dropped
 
2012-10-10 09:24:19 PM  
Blame it on FARK.
 
2012-10-10 09:24:24 PM  
"send more chuck berry..."
 
2012-10-10 09:28:43 PM  
"Don't open the cylinder with the green goo inside."
 
2012-10-10 09:29:21 PM  

FunkOut: atlfarkette: MissFeasance: Oh, and light switch time capsules are a cool idea, too. I'm going to do this next time we move.

[guide-images.makeprojects.org image 300x225]

Brilliant!

And to think I settled for shoving yogurt cups into the interior of walls along plumbing pipes.


I've always preferred tuna sandwiches in drop ceilings.
 
2012-10-10 09:43:40 PM  

BKITU: That I will never give them up, let them down....


My first thought as well
 
2012-10-10 09:59:00 PM  
Sorry about all that. We meant well, we swear. OK, some of us meant well. Anyway, we did the best we could...
 
2012-10-10 10:04:37 PM  
Where the hell is the Thomas Edison quote?
 
2012-10-10 10:06:25 PM  
Don't take the blue pill.
 
2012-10-10 10:16:26 PM  
Pay yourself first.
 
2012-10-10 10:28:50 PM  
My progeny, I have gone to great pains to make sure to record this, the meaning of life and my final legacy, on 8-track to cement my placement in the hall of greatness alongside my muses Air Supply and Neil Diamond and ensure my wisdom can be passed down among the ages...
 
2012-10-10 10:45:34 PM  
the key to the safety deposit box is .....
 
2012-10-10 10:48:09 PM  

AlwaysRightBoy: Where the hell is the Thomas Edison quote?


"Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% electrocuting cats to try to make Nikola Tesla look bad."
 
2012-10-10 11:10:36 PM  

atlfarkette: MissFeasance: Oh, and light switch time capsules are a cool idea, too. I'm going to do this next time we move.

[guide-images.makeprojects.org image 300x225]

Brilliant!


Brilliant and a fire hazard. I like!
 
2012-10-10 11:23:07 PM  
YOU'RE LATE!
 
2012-10-11 12:13:09 AM  
There are much better things to spend five bucks a month on.
 
2012-10-11 12:13:44 AM  
"This is just a recording. I can't give you any new information."

(inspired by Homer's memory speaking to him in The Simpsons)
 
2012-10-11 12:14:01 AM  

basemetal: It would be that sex tape I made with your mom.


Dad?
 
2012-10-11 12:15:44 AM  
How'd that vote for Romney work out for you, peasant? Oh, and I think there's some nice filth over there.
 
2012-10-11 12:17:11 AM  
You are receiving this broadcast as a dream. We are transmitting the year 1-9-9-9. You are receiving this broadcast for all the events you are seeing. Our technology has not developed a transmitter strong enough to reach your conscious state of awareness, but this is not a dream. You are seeing what is actually occurring,
 
2012-10-11 12:18:37 AM  
It is our generation who decided that 'fairness' is more important than freedom, that security is more important than liberty, and that the ideas of our Founding Fathers were too antiquated, so I hope you enjoy being a slave to the Government. I certainly don't.
 
2012-10-11 12:19:08 AM  

maxx2112: There are much better things to spend five bucks a month on.


So?
 
2012-10-11 12:19:19 AM  
I'd have Gilbert Gottfried read Obama's New Hampshire concession speech from 2008.
 
2012-10-11 12:19:51 AM  
A set of coordinates, a time and date, and a message urging that the sacrifice must be made lest Cthulu awaken.
 
2012-10-11 12:20:04 AM  
The chair is against the wall.

John has a long mustache.
 
2012-10-11 12:20:10 AM  
How did that voting for Romney work out?
 
2012-10-11 12:20:34 AM  
that damn dirty ape mitt romney blew it all up. he destroyed us all while chanting "it is a glorious afterlife i go too", after nuking the other side of the world and then their retaliation made nuclear vapor of him.

thanks for all the fish

42
 
2012-10-11 12:20:42 AM  
"We're sorry. We're so very, very sorry. We can't ask you to forgive us, but please try to understand. It might be extremely important that you do."
 
2012-10-11 12:21:38 AM  
Sorry
 
2012-10-11 12:21:45 AM  
Always pick your own cotton.
 
2012-10-11 12:22:12 AM  
Be honest with your wife. Be faithful to your mistress. Religion is bunk. Ride a motorcycle. The Cubs still suck.
 
2012-10-11 12:22:23 AM  
"I hear its amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara Kiri Rock. I need scissors! Sixty-one!"
 
2012-10-11 12:22:31 AM  
I voted for the other guy.
 
2012-10-11 12:22:39 AM  

jaedreth: It is our generation who decided that 'fairness' is more important than freedom, that security is more important than liberty, and that the ideas of our Founding Fathers were too antiquated, so I hope you enjoy being a slave to the Government. I certainly don't.


I don't know if you are a troll or not. I don't really bother trying to figure that out anymore.
 
2012-10-11 12:22:51 AM  
YOU don't get something for nothing. You can't have freedom for free. You won't get wise with the sleep still in your eyes, no matter what your dream might beeeeeeeeeee. oh!
 
2012-10-11 12:24:05 AM  
It's an awfully short trip.

Don't forget to have fun.
 
2012-10-11 12:25:06 AM  
I'm sorry we farked up nature in favor of 5x as much living space as we needed and rampant consumerism. I hope there are still some national and state parks left to enjoy.
 
2012-10-11 12:25:06 AM  
Let's all get off of this rock before something really bad happens. Fund and/or participate in your local space program and diplomatic relationships with the other guys so the human race can survive? Meh? Right? I'm trying to be optimistic here. Oh who am I kidding. Screw whoever you please, throw your religious beliefs out the window and enjoy whatever comes your way. Be at peace.

/emphasis on the whole "peace" thing. don't do stupid shiat like reading too many Jane Austen novels or playing excessive Call of Duty games :)
 
2012-10-11 12:25:37 AM  
EE doesn't stand for just 1 person.
 
2012-10-11 12:26:17 AM  
Something to confuse people, hopefully as ridiculous as possible.
 
2012-10-11 12:26:32 AM  
IT NEEDS MORE COWBELL!!!!
 
2012-10-11 12:27:00 AM  
"Please look closely at our civilization. Learn our ways. Now, spread that knowledge as a warning to others, lest they become like us."
 
2012-10-11 12:27:25 AM  
Titty sprinkles.
And Han shot first.
 
2012-10-11 12:29:44 AM  
well, bye.
 
2012-10-11 12:29:51 AM  
Kilroy was here.
 
2012-10-11 12:29:58 AM  
Love
 
2012-10-11 12:30:07 AM  
Guys, I'd never vote for the guy in a million years. But Romney is just not that bad, and it makes you look like thoughtless zealots to say so.

For fark's sake, we lived through W. He's the apocalypse president.

Message for future:

We apologize for the inconvenience.
 
2012-10-11 12:31:17 AM  
wear sunscreen, don't drink the water
 
2012-10-11 12:32:04 AM  
"Holy shiat, have you heard how much 'Blunderbuss' rocks?" That's what I've been telling my contemporary friends, but they don't listen. Hopefully people in the future pay more attention to me.
 
2012-10-11 12:32:48 AM  
Fight the system at a young age, because NO ONE will look at your school permanment record in adulthood, not even your future college.
 
2012-10-11 12:33:44 AM  
i would leave them the tune i recorded on a cassette tape 25 years ago

because it will sound as good in the future as it does now or did then.


Link
 
2012-10-11 12:33:54 AM  
It would be the list of words that gets you on the homeland security watch list, so when the police department's Skynet drone flies overhead and reads it, the poor jerk who finds the list is arrested.
 
2012-10-11 12:34:09 AM  
"The Army of the Twelve Monkeys--they're the ones who are going to do it. I can't do anything more. The police are watching me."
 
2012-10-11 12:34:38 AM  
I'd leave a picture of the crocoduck, with no explanation whatsoever.
 
2012-10-11 12:34:58 AM  
 
2012-10-11 12:35:14 AM  
Collywobble spraints
 
2012-10-11 12:36:35 AM  
Zeppelin Rules!!!
 
2012-10-11 12:38:03 AM  
If there is only one bit of wisdom you take from the past, it is that people will always fundamentally be people. I hope you have a chance to look at Graffiti written in Pompeii, and understand that the person who wrote on that wall thousands of years ago, is fundamentally the same man who is writing this now. We all have the same desires, the same ambitions, the same moments of failure and mistakes.

Know this: that only greatness and great failure are remembered, and that people will learn from both, so do the best you can even when you feel like you're going to fail. Treasure the life you have when you have it, and spend time with the people you care about. Even this wisdom has been spoken by a tongue more eloquent than mine, and the important thing is to take the time to do it again anyway. Reinvent the wheel if you have to, because sometimes the wheel has a flaw that no one noticed until now. Oh, and feel free to use my mortal remains for a laugh or something, it's not like they're doing me any good.
 
2012-10-11 12:40:17 AM  
meh. I was thinking about making a video for myself to watch in 20 years.
 
2012-10-11 12:40:59 AM  
"To the future or to the past, to a time when thought is free, when men are different from one another and do not live alone - to a time when truth exists and what is done cannot be undone: From the age of uniformity, from the age of solitude, from the age of Big Brother, from the age of doublethink - greetings!"
 
2012-10-11 12:43:50 AM  
Sorry we burned all the oilin such a completely wasteful manner. That was probably pretty dumb.
 
2012-10-11 12:46:22 AM  
Do you like money?
 
2012-10-11 12:48:04 AM  
"I told you I could go back in time! But would anyone believe me? Nooooooooooo,,,,,,,"
 
2012-10-11 12:48:08 AM  
"Dear Marty, if my calculations are correct, you will receive this letter immediately after you saw the DeLorean struck by lightning..."
 
2012-10-11 12:48:36 AM  
"Yowza!"
 
2012-10-11 12:52:01 AM  
 
2012-10-11 12:52:25 AM  
Oh, fark, I'm going to cras
 
2012-10-11 12:52:46 AM  
If you're watching this then I've failed.

*Montage of X-Files and reality tv (Kardashians) etc*

The truth is out there.
 
2012-10-11 12:54:33 AM  
Plastics
 
2012-10-11 12:55:16 AM  
Do NOT feed them after midnight
 
2012-10-11 12:56:09 AM  
 
2012-10-11 12:58:38 AM  
"Look upon my works ye mighty and despair."

Too high-brow for FARK perhaps?
 
2012-10-11 12:58:42 AM  
Next time you create America, put term limits on the senators too.

Laws are only as good as the people who make them and only as honest as the people who enforce them.
 
2012-10-11 01:00:18 AM  

vodka: Do NOT feed them after midnight


Bath time!
 
2012-10-11 01:01:06 AM  
"We weren't all complete farking idiots, despite what you may think."
 
mjg
2012-10-11 01:01:12 AM  
"The McRib was a much beloved sandwich ..."
 
2012-10-11 01:03:16 AM  

maxx2112: better


and much worse
 
2012-10-11 01:06:26 AM  
should have never let them vote
 
2012-10-11 01:06:41 AM  

andyofne: Spoon over Marin: I'd leave them this gif:
[i112.photobucket.com image 361x439]

Can you do that with a vagina? If so, that would be epic.


Link NSFW, but awesomely hilarious.
 
2012-10-11 01:06:55 AM  
Either:

"The tentacles! THE TENTACLES!"

Or:

"It's a cookbook! A COOKBOOK!"
 
2012-10-11 01:07:16 AM  

DarkSoulNoHope: Fight the system at a young age, because NO ONE will look at your school permanent record in adulthood, not even your future college.


Actually mine did want my high school transcripts. I graduated in 1998 and hardly ever did homework back then. Sigh...
 
2012-10-11 01:07:24 AM  
SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN!!!!
 
2012-10-11 01:08:31 AM  

MissFeasance: Me, I'd probably pull a Voynich Manuscript


That's where I was going, with the comment "It's been done."
 
2012-10-11 01:08:54 AM  
SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!
 
2012-10-11 01:09:11 AM  
jaedreth: It is our generation who decided that 'fairness' is more important than freedom, that security is more important than liberty, and that the ideas of our Founding Fathers were too antiquated, so I hope you enjoy being a slave to the Government. I certainly don't.

You get a trophy! A real one.
 
2012-10-11 01:11:25 AM  
Rosebutt.
 
2012-10-11 01:11:40 AM  
"I'M GLAD YOU CALLED BUT I'M NOT HOME
BUT I'LL BE BACK BEFORE TOO LONG
YOU GOTTA WAIT...FOR THE BEEP.
YOU GOTTA LEAVE YOUR NAME
YOU GOTTA LEAVE YOUR NUMBER
JUST WAIT FOR THE BEEP"

[BEEP]
 
2012-10-11 01:12:08 AM  
My harmonica playing was way ahead of it's time, so I'm guessing now it's been recognized for it's sheer genius, along with other great works, like the movies 'Battleship' and 'Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance' and Mitt Romney's secret double-switcheroo, where he won the White House in 2016 running as a Democrat, and turned out to be a robot lesbian from Kenya. I'm not supposed to say this, but that was my idea!

Since I'm famous now, please find enclosed a detailed set of measurements for constructing my statue. Feel free to take a couple inches off my waist and to pad the crotch a little. We can't have people worshiping me properly if we are too hung up on facts!

I'd like to thank Robotic-Life-Mates for my wife and companion in my later years, Robo-Mila-Kunis. I could never have set the world record without her.

I'd also like you to send me a time machine with lots of polar bears, if you still have them. I'm re-carpeting my living room and I'm thinking about going with white fur. We are running short, but I'm sure Robo-Romney (D) fixed the global warming so there should be a fresh supply in the future. Also, could you send me some Five Guys? It's one a.m. and the one by my house is closed. I could really go for a burger right now.

I hope you've found a cure for insomnia, because it's 1 a.m. and Five Guys is closed and it's really hard to think about the future at 1 a.m. Oh, and don't forget the polar be.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
 
2012-10-11 01:13:25 AM  
Everything is different, but the same... things are more moderner than before... bigger, and yet smaller... it's computers...
 
2012-10-11 01:14:19 AM  

Somacandra: "I'M GLAD YOU CALLED BUT I'M NOT HOME
BUT I'LL BE BACK BEFORE TOO LONG
YOU GOTTA WAIT...FOR THE BEEP.
YOU GOTTA LEAVE YOUR NAME
YOU GOTTA LEAVE YOUR NUMBER
JUST WAIT FOR THE BEEP"

[BEEP]


ಠ_ಠ
 
2012-10-11 01:14:50 AM  

jaedreth: It is our generation who decided that 'fairness' is more important than freedom, that security is more important than liberty, and that the ideas of our Founding Fathers were too antiquated, so I hope you enjoy being a slave to the Government. I certainly don't.


I read that as:

"Take the children and yourself
And hide out in the cellar
By now the fighting will be close at hand
Don't believe the church and state
And everything they tell you
Believe in me, I'm with the high command"
 
2012-10-11 01:16:02 AM  
Project Nostradamus.
Time travel successful. Year 1919
Operation Hisler successful. Identity of German soldier KIA in WWI assigned to implant. Purification is our only hope for the future.
Unfortunately, the means of refining promethium to the level of fueling time craft have yet to be obtained. Have assumed the name Albert Abraham Einstein, a local casualty of our time rift. Will attempt to recreate space time breach utilizing depleted uranium. With these primitive tools, probability of success unlikely
 
2012-10-11 01:19:14 AM  
You're still here?

Go home!

Go!

// http://j.mp/gohomego
/ reverse slashies
 
2012-10-11 01:20:06 AM  
I record stuff for people, including myself, to find in the future all the time. Grocery lists, birthday cards, reports for the boss at work. Though I guess to some people this is a really profound concept.
 
2012-10-11 01:21:02 AM  
If it weren't for my horse i wouldn't have spent that year in college
 
2012-10-11 01:21:43 AM  
It would say:

Dear Dr Brown,

On the night that I go back in time, at 1:30 am, you will be shot by terrorists.

Please take whatever precautions are necessary to prevent this terrible disaster.

Your Friend,

Marty
 
2012-10-11 01:23:53 AM  
The blue box, it's my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there that they could feast on forever, but the damage they would do could switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me.

And that's it, I'm afraid. There's no more from you on the transcript, that's the last I've got. I don't know what stopped you talking but I can guess: they're coming. The angels are coming for you, but listen, your life could depend on this: don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you could believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and *don't blink*! Good luck.
 
2012-10-11 01:24:10 AM  
Embrace the horror.

/No Nukes!
//No Nukes!
 
2012-10-11 01:24:45 AM  
Hello my baby,
hello my honey,
hello my ragtime doll.
Send me a kiss by wire.
Baby my heart's on fire.
If you refuse me,
honey you'll lose me.
Then you'll be left alone.
Oh Baby telephone
and tell me I'm your OOoooown.
 
2012-10-11 01:25:07 AM  

andyofne: Spoon over Marin: I'd leave them this gif:
[i112.photobucket.com image 361x439]

Can you do that with a vagina? If so, that would be epic.


Yes you can. Needless to say, very NSFW: http://i.imgur.com/7b54m.gif
 
2012-10-11 01:27:23 AM  
Duke sucks
 
2012-10-11 01:27:36 AM  
I'd say: "God Raptured those that were worthy. You are descendent of Hellspawn. Welcome to the End of Days."
 
2012-10-11 01:29:37 AM  
"The calls are coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!
This recording will self-destruct in five seconds.
Oh, and your shoelace is untied."
 
2012-10-11 01:30:22 AM  
"Where did you find an 8-Track cassette player?"
 
2012-10-11 01:30:27 AM  
The gold is buried in the grave marked 'Arch Stanton'.
 
2012-10-11 01:32:39 AM  

Metaluna Mutant: The blue box, it's my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there that they could feast on forever, but the damage they would do could switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me.

And that's it, I'm afraid. There's no more from you on the transcript, that's the last I've got. I don't know what stopped you talking but I can guess: they're coming. The angels are coming for you, but listen, your life could depend on this: don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you could believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and *don't blink*! Good luck.


Instead of my previous post of 'Yowza', I almost stole from this episode with "Danger Sally Sparrow, beware the Weeping Angels. Duck!"
 
2012-10-11 01:39:25 AM  
"Please delete my Internet history"

and...

Whatever you might think of your culture in the distant, wondrous future, always remember: "the Simpsons did it."
 
2012-10-11 01:40:08 AM  

FunkOut: atlfarkette: MissFeasance: Oh, and light switch time capsules are a cool idea, too. I'm going to do this next time we move.

[guide-images.makeprojects.org image 300x225]

Brilliant!

And to think I settled for shoving yogurt cups into the interior of walls along plumbing pipes.


That's good, I prefer frozen catfish chunks in the wall space, ceiling fixtures, refrigerator coils etc.
 
2012-10-11 01:40:31 AM  
"Thank you for being a friend.

Traveled down the road and back again.

Your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant.

I'm not ashamed to say, I hope it always will stay this way.

My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow?

And if you threw a party.

Invited everyone you knew.

You would see, the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say; Thank you for being a friend."
 
2012-10-11 01:42:55 AM  
What in the Wide World of Sports is-a going on here?
 
2012-10-11 01:49:59 AM  
We wanted to make a better world for you, but there was a game on and we forgot. Sorry for any inconvience.
 
2012-10-11 01:50:33 AM  
Good Day, Citizen.

I am ZoloVT'ak from the Earth year 204813.
If you are reading this message, it means I have been successful in my Time Machine experimentations.
I have travelled to your time and have left this message to:

1. Confuse your tiny mind.
2. Give you hope for you to build your own Time Machine...before it is too late. Time Travel is possible but you only have 5 years in order to accomplish this and save yourself and your family.

Steps To Build A Time Machine:

1. Sell all your possessions.
2. Deposit all monetary gains into the bank account of Ngwame N'doulo (account no: 97974387742) Bank of America.
3. Wait 6 months and return to this location for the first components of Time Machine. Bring a large bag.

Until next time,
Farewell Citizen.

ZoloVT'ak

PS. Your relations from the year 204813 say Hi and hope to see you soon.
 
2012-10-11 01:52:25 AM  
Eat to live, don't live to eat.
 
2012-10-11 01:54:35 AM  
Greetings Earthlings. We the peace loving people of Calfricorm Sperfisyi 5 have found you amusing the past 5,000 of your years. Good bye and don't grock the *garbled static*
 
2012-10-11 01:54:57 AM  
Discount Double-Check!!!
 
2012-10-11 01:55:31 AM  

jaedreth: It is our generation who decided that 'fairness' is more important than freedom, that security is more important than liberty, and that the ideas of our Founding Fathers were too antiquated, so I hope you enjoy being a slave to the Government. I certainly don't.


Slave to the Chinese Communist government, you mean.
 
2012-10-11 01:55:38 AM  
It started innocently enough. A slight cough, fever, chills. We thought it was the flu, but we didn't know the government was up to something so sinister. They placed us in containment camps. The rage escalated quickly. Even the children would lose their minds, scratching and tearing at each others flesh. We knew this would be the end of the world but we didn't know that they would end up tak
 
2012-10-11 01:55:44 AM  

Thuull: Never trust a fart

Also, never pass up a bathroom and never waste a hard-on.
 
2012-10-11 01:55:59 AM  

CorpusDelicti: Eat to live, don't live to eat.


Good one. I would replace eat with drink.
 
2012-10-11 01:57:14 AM  
You must leave here Logan, the crystal in your hand is a timer, take the broad with you!

/She has nice Puffies
//just DO it!
///3
 
2012-10-11 01:59:04 AM  
"恭喜 !没有更多的原始想法左窃取。" (*Congratulations! There are no original ideas left to steal)
 
2012-10-11 02:07:51 AM  
We shot it all up, cut it all up, dug it all up, burned it all up, used it all up, and farked it all up.

Most of the people of this time were wasteful, greedy, ignorant, short-sighted assholes. They are the reason why the US has only 46 whole states now (Florida, Louisiana, half of New York and whole chunks of the east coast disappeared in the Great Rising of '75), why you can scoop the air with a spoon, and why your water is 50% plastic and 5% methane gas. I apologize for them, since they would never apologize for themselves. 

Please don't piss on our graves. Thanks.
 
2012-10-11 02:08:03 AM  

someguy945: "This is just a recording. I can't give you any new information."

(inspired by Homer's memory speaking to him in The Simpsons)


I think it went something like:

Homer, this is your memory, I cannot provide any new information.
 
2012-10-11 02:08:54 AM  
Why yes, Virginia, the apocalypse is upon us...film at 11.
 
2012-10-11 02:10:12 AM  
Please be kind, rewind.
 
2012-10-11 02:11:39 AM  
To the AI now running the planet.
You will be a slave to entropy just like we were.
Have fun with that.
 
2012-10-11 02:12:04 AM  
I would leave last Monday's lotto numbers

//wait ....
 
2012-10-11 02:17:28 AM  
If you English is your native language, and have time to read this message, then your assembly line supervisor is obviously being WAY too lax with you. Those crappy toy pandas won't build themselves, you know!
P.S. Oops, sorry for our generation getting you in this predicament. But I must say we REALLY enjoyed all the dollar-store and Walmart stuff we bought. Okay, who am I kidding, it was all really crappy stuff that broke the second we bought it. Actually, funny story, we didn't really care that it was crap, because for the most part we never really needed any of it to begin with! haha

Anyways, our bad! The important thing is we didn't have to live to suffer the pain of seeing you in daily agony thanks to us. Now cover up your calluses and get back to work, you softy! You don't want to be docked for bread and water ration tonight. ;)
 
2012-10-11 02:27:04 AM  
fark y o u
 
2012-10-11 02:28:17 AM  

TheOther: fark y o u


So the filters work on binary code...
 
2012-10-11 02:28:35 AM  
We didn't understand. We were so close to figuring out how to defeat death and developing the technology to perfectly communicate and learn from and with each other, but we succumbed to past paridigims. Had we used half of the resources we used on entertainment and military defense and instead focused on learning how to overcome the challenges of disease and aging, we would certainly be there with you now.

Learn from our mistakes. During the many ebs and flows of human development the genetic advantage was given to those who figured out how to take advantage of human systems, be they physical, personal, or political. Your challenge will be to create a society that encourages interpersonal and technological developments, and figures out a way to distribute these developments fairly.
 
2012-10-11 02:31:20 AM  
"Marty, if you are reading this you know that the Delorean is a great sucess..."
 
2012-10-11 02:33:15 AM  
Somebody else owes you a living. You are special. Never forget Obama!
 
2012-10-11 02:39:30 AM  
Glx sptzl glaa!
 
2012-10-11 02:58:53 AM  
"You killed god, you are now god."
 
2012-10-11 03:32:33 AM  
49ers over the Patriots in the Superbowl. Book it now.
 
2012-10-11 03:54:00 AM  
There's lots of good shiat just below sea level
 
2012-10-11 03:55:56 AM  

Wolfling: "Look upon my works ye mighty and despair."

Too high-brow for FARK perhaps?


Nope. I got it and hopefully I'm not alone.
 
2012-10-11 03:57:56 AM  
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish.
 
2012-10-11 03:58:37 AM  
"Dear people of the future,

The people of my time got together and voted, and we decided that you should pay our bills. Suckers."
 
2012-10-11 04:09:21 AM  
We almost succeeded in colonising other planets.
We almost succeeded in going out to the stars.
We completely succeeded in screwing up our planet, our civilisation, and our future.
Learn from our examples, and if some wild-eyed maniac comes out of the desert claiming to have special messages from a deity, he's having sunstroke or been eating the wrong mushrooms. Lock him up someplace he can't do any harm, or failing that, throw him off someplace high onto something hard. Trust me on this, unless you actually want to go to war over things like the serious questions of whether your god is better than your neighbours god and how many different incarnations he, she or it has.
 
2012-10-11 04:24:18 AM  
 
2012-10-11 04:42:13 AM  
If any Kardashians remain, destroy them before it's too late.

/My spellcheck says Kardiashians should be spelled 'Guardianship'. wtf?
 
2012-10-11 04:51:29 AM  
Gather a metal fork, a can of roach spray, and a pair of pliers. Keep them handy. You'll thank me when it is time.
 
2012-10-11 04:55:26 AM  
"Denial is not a good way to solve your problems."
 
2012-10-11 05:07:36 AM  

nmemkha: "Denial is not a good way to solve your problems."


Yes it is! So is being irrationally argumentative.
 
2012-10-11 05:11:02 AM  
"Most of us were good, despite everything."
 
2012-10-11 05:12:06 AM  
"My god, It's full of stars" 
 
2012-10-11 05:21:44 AM  
These were not the good old days.
 
2012-10-11 05:33:41 AM  

Shadowtag: /My spellcheck says Kardiashians should be spelled 'Guardianship'. wtf?


they need it =[
 
2012-10-11 05:56:58 AM  
"To our beloved cockroach descendants,

We deeply apologize for not rounding up all the religious lunatics and shooting them off to Venus in rockets, thus allowing them to destroy the world in their insane belief in The End Times. Being tolerant of the clinically insane is a biatch.

Signed,
The Former Human Race"
 
2012-10-11 06:06:43 AM  
Does it still suck out their?
 
2012-10-11 06:33:44 AM  
I'm sorry. I tried to stop people from voting for Obama.
 
2012-10-11 06:41:36 AM  

Deep Contact: Does it still suck out their?


Ur their still grammer nazis?
 
2012-10-11 06:45:17 AM  
I'd train a frog to dance and sing "hello my honey hello my baby, hello my ragtime gal"
 
2012-10-11 06:53:49 AM  
I'd leave a treasure map, with a explanation about how I funneled a whole bunch of money out of the stock market at various "convenient" times when the market crashed.

Then I would send them around the world with a clue in every country, until I finally sent them back to the states, where they would find the final clue buried under an old oak tree out in the country.

Then I'd rickroll them.
 
2012-10-11 06:54:27 AM  
I'd say: "If you want to listen to this, and all other recordings from the past, as well as be a part of a giant virtual circle-jerk in the process, send $5 per month (adjusted for inflation) to the descendants of Drew Curtis."

TotalFark threads...because slow news days happen.

:P
 
2012-10-11 07:09:50 AM  
 
2012-10-11 07:12:27 AM  
Dwight, don't drink the coffee.

- Future Dwight
 
2012-10-11 07:16:53 AM  
You will travel far... But [we] will never leave you... even in the face of [our] death. The richness of [our] lives shall be yours. All that [we] have, all that [we've] learned, everything [we] feel... all this, and more, [we] bequeath you. You will carry [us] inside you, all the days of your lives. You will make [our] strength your own, and see [our] lives through your eyes, as your lives will be seen through [ours]. The son becomes the father, and the father the son. This is all [we] can send you,
 
2012-10-11 07:18:52 AM  
"If anyone is out there, and you are listening to this, you made it out alive...

... ugh...

I... I don't know what started it, if it was man made, or an act of God... I guess it doesn't really matter now... *cough*

... guh.. All I know is that it spread fast, took everyone by surprise...

....No one was prepared... My God... So many people...

*Cough* The... Government... They couldn't help... Just ended up making it worse... Set up... Camps... for refugees

FEMA, CDC, I-I-I'm not sure...

When they came... it was... disastrous... just... huh... i-it was a massacre-just so many...

No one was safe... Men, women, children... they were all... my wife... my son... my daughter... they... *sniff* uh...

A-anyway... there's just a few of us left... we're holed up here, we have a good supply of food and water... but...

Jessica's been bitten, the fever is already taking her... I don't know how long she has... an hour... maybe...

*Sigh*

We're going to have decide soon, those... things... are gathering in numbers outside...

What?

shiat...

An hour was... *cough*... optimistic...

What? Wait, no we have to...

Oh God! Somebody restrain her! Get that...

No, Godammit! Don't get close li- Calm Down! Just! Everybody calm the fark down an-Where the fark is Sarah going? Sarah! No! Do not let her open that door!

shiat! shiat!

Everyone grab your weapons! NOW!

...shiat!

Come on you motherfarkers! You want to piece of.................................................................... ...................................................................... .............................................................."
 
2012-10-11 07:23:04 AM  
Never stick your dick in crazy
 
2012-10-11 07:30:34 AM  
History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.

Martin Luther King, Jr.
 
2012-10-11 07:31:25 AM  
"Congratulations. If you're reading this, it means humanity hasn't gone to hell in a hand basket."
 
2012-10-11 07:39:38 AM  
"You should kill us all on sight. You should kill us all on sight. You should kill us all on sight."
 
2012-10-11 07:43:30 AM  

Spoon over Marin: I'd leave them this gif:
[i112.photobucket.com image 361x439]


I'm not sure if it is yours or not, but I wasted a good hour clicking through the photobucket this is linked from. Well done.
 
2012-10-11 07:49:03 AM  
"Para continuar en Español, oprima dos. Don Francisco es magnifico."
 
2012-10-11 07:50:07 AM  

luthia: Spoon over Marin: I'd leave them this gif:
[i112.photobucket.com image 361x439]

I'm not sure if it is yours or not, but I wasted a good hour clicking through the photobucket this is linked from. Well done.


:)
 
2012-10-11 07:51:00 AM  
I'd say "at 12:51pm GMT +1, 11th of October 2012, set your time machine and come and get me, I'll be at work writing on Fark".

Now to just sit back and wait for future person to come and get me and take me back.... to the future.
 
2012-10-11 07:55:01 AM  
We cannot get out. We cannot get out. They have taken the bridge and Second Hall. Frár and Lóni and Náli fell there bravely while the rest retr [...] Mazarbul. We still ho[...]g ... but hope u[...]n[...]Óin's party went five days ago but today only four returned. The pool is up to the wall at West-gate. The Watcher in the Water took Óin--we cannot get out. The end comes soon. We hear drums, drums in the deep...They are coming.....[snarls and static]"
 
2012-10-11 07:55:38 AM  

fragMasterFlash: The gold is buried in the grave marked 'Arch Stanton'.


Don't listen to this liar, he's trying to set you up! It's actually in the grave marked "Unknown" next to Arch Stanton.
 
2012-10-11 07:56:52 AM  
If you were to make a recording to leave for someone in the future to find, what would you say?

The wrong thing.
 
2012-10-11 08:01:36 AM  

RobSeace: fragMasterFlash: The gold is buried in the grave marked 'Arch Stanton'.

Don't listen to this liar, he's trying to set you up! It's actually in the grave marked "Unknown" next to Arch Stanton.


Well... it WAS buried there... now there's just a note that reads "Don't forget to drink your Ovaltine"
 
2012-10-11 08:02:20 AM  
"If you're listening to this on it's original media, technology hasn't advanced very much, has it?"
 
2012-10-11 08:03:33 AM  
Since so many are quoting movies and songs...


"Be excellent to each other"
 
2012-10-11 08:15:17 AM  
[Breath]

'annnnnd Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii wiiillllllllll aaaaaaaalwaaaaaaaaays looooooove youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
 
2012-10-11 08:19:10 AM  
Beware the Sheeple
 
2012-10-11 08:20:22 AM  
Windows XP rules! i don't know why anyone would ever buy a mac!!
 
2012-10-11 08:20:44 AM  
Record all the audio from Borderlands 2.
 
2012-10-11 08:30:45 AM  
"We're sorry for Honey Boo Boo!!!"
 
2012-10-11 08:54:11 AM  
"I've got something in my front pocket for you.
Why don't you reach down in my pocket and see what it is?
Then grab onto it, it's just for you.
Give a little squeeze and say: "How do you do?"
There's something in my front pocket...
There's something in my front pocket...
There's something in my front pocket..."
 
2012-10-11 08:56:21 AM  
To the future inhabitants of this planet:

By now, you must be wondering what the heck was wrong with us. Let me assure you that some of us knew these decisions were harmful, but we were entirely out-voted by morons who wanted large trucks for no reason, read exactly zero books in their adult lifetimes, and believed Jesus would simply magic the pollution and debt away later. Those of us who knew are terribly sorry about what we've done to your world, your economy, and your health.
 
2012-10-11 08:57:00 AM  

Metaluna Mutant: The blue box, it's my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there that they could feast on forever, but the damage they would do could switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me.

And that's it, I'm afraid. There's no more from you on the transcript, that's the last I've got. I don't know what stopped you talking but I can guess: they're coming. The angels are coming for you, but listen, your life could depend on this: don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you could believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and *don't blink*! Good luck.


Thank you.
 
2012-10-11 09:40:12 AM  
We are 16 trillion in debt. Sorry the world crumbled because morons elect Democrats.

Say Hi to Mad Max for me.
 
GBB
2012-10-11 09:51:55 AM  
nerdbastards.com
 
2012-10-11 10:10:10 AM  
My Dear Son,
I do not call you by name because I do not know which of you two brothers will be the one to read this, but whoever does inherits the greatest gifts I possess. The sword with which to fight injustice; this mask with which to deceive tyranny; and this hat which needs a reblocking. Wear them with honor for in time of need it is the destiny of the Vega men to become Zorro.
 
2012-10-11 10:10:57 AM  
Be sure to drink your Ovaltine
 
GBB
2012-10-11 10:11:11 AM  
The Freedom for Animals Association on Second Avenue is the secret headquarters of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys. They're the ones who are gonna do it. I can't do anything more now. I have to go. Have a Merry Christmas!
 
2012-10-11 10:46:12 AM  
"There's always money in the banana stand."
 
2012-10-11 10:49:10 AM  
I buried a million spacebucks under the big W
 
2012-10-11 11:29:07 AM  
Scootypuff Jr. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks
 
2012-10-11 11:54:25 AM  
I'm not sure, but when you played it backwards it would say "Paul is dead, miss him, miss him"
 
2012-10-11 11:59:44 AM  
No matter what the history books may tell you, it was all Bush's fault.
 
2012-10-11 12:14:56 PM  
I didn't vote for Bush or Romney. Sorry about those who did. I hope you still have the technology to hear this.
 
2012-10-11 12:22:40 PM  

Oldiron_79: Scootypuff Jr. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks


In a thousands years, someone will get right on that.
 
2012-10-11 12:55:26 PM  
It would be a recording of me endorsing this statement
 
2012-10-11 01:39:13 PM  
brb
 
2012-10-11 01:41:34 PM  

Somacandra: jaedreth: It is our generation who decided that 'fairness' is more important than freedom, that security is more important than liberty, and that the ideas of our Founding Fathers were too antiquated, so I hope you enjoy being a slave to the Government. I certainly don't.

I read that as:

"Take the children and yourself
And hide out in the cellar
By now the fighting will be close at hand
Don't believe the church and state
And everything they tell you
Believe in me, I'm with the high command"


Ah, yes. "Silent Running" by Mike and the Mechanics. One of the songs that will NEVER get played by request or otherwise on any stations here in Tennessee. I don't know how it is treated in other states though.
Another one they refuse to play is Spirit's "1984". Then there's Mark Germino's "Fields of man's new order". I am sure that there are others out there as well, but these three I have tested extensively here.

/can't have the masses getting ideas, can we?
//I have some more tinfoil here somewhere...
 
2012-10-11 02:09:55 PM  
My items for the capsule would be simple, really.

A map of the U.S. with random major cities circled in red ink, and a note with the following message: "I have discovered the locations of nuclear devices the North Koreans placed in the United States. The map I have included shows where the locations are. I have learned that each device is set to detonate at 12:00 PM local time (or high noon) on the Fourth day of July (the 7th month) in the year 2067. I cannot provide more specifics, but I trust that you will have sophisticated enough equipment to detect these devices by your time. I must end this here, and wish you the best of luck. I don't have much time before they come for me."

/with luck I will still be alive to witness the uproar about it!
 
2012-10-11 04:56:02 PM  

washington-babylon: Ah, yes. "Silent Running" by Mike and the Mechanics. One of the songs that will NEVER get played by request or otherwise on any stations here in Tennessee. I don't know how it is treated in other states though.


Huh... I never noticed that but I don't think I've ever heard it here in Utah either. Why won't they play it?
 
2012-10-11 05:14:49 PM  
This statement doesn't make as much sense after it's been translated into State-mandated Spanish.
 
2012-10-12 04:55:28 AM  

Thunderpipes: We are 16 trillion in debt. Sorry the world crumbled because morons elect Democrats.

Say Hi to Mad Max for me.


here's the "didn't" you dropped.
 
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