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(The Barnstormer)   Cheap Throat, the diary of a locked-out NHLer, day 23: Turkey hangover, a bacon shortage, deer, axes, and more Meryl Streep   (thebarnstormer.com) divider line 13
    More: Silly, Meryl Streep, work boots, NHL players  
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1721 clicks; posted to Sports » on 10 Oct 2012 at 6:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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GW
2012-10-11 05:21:13 AM
1 votes:
I am pretty sure it's all satire, and not really an actual NHL player.
2012-10-11 02:24:29 AM
1 votes:

HaveBeerWillTravel: I have to believe he's throwing out some misdirection if this is actually an NHL player and he really doesn't want to be identified. Otherwise, why bother hiding who he is in the first place, since he'd inevitably be caught. Some of these stories about other players have to be absolute fiction, and I suspect it's probably a lot of fun for this dude to make them up, which is fine by me: there pretty funny to read, too.


I've liked it so far, I've been checking it every day for updates. I just thought it was weird that he went from general shiat about his own life to stuff that would at least get teammates attention. It kinda seemed like he pulled an all day drunk with the family on a holiday and might have updated some stuff because he was reminiscing. You would think the proxy at the blog would have edited it, but maybe not.

HaveBeerWillTravel: But he's never played in Pittsburgh on Thanksgiving.


But are you thinking about American or Canadian Thanksgiving? This player is talking about Canadian. Plus, that's why I said the day after, because from the story they sat down to dinner around 5:30. That wouldn't leave enough time to eat and then get suited up and ready to play, not even considering the fact they'd probably all be too full. I guess it could have been an afternoon game and they got the meal after it though.
2012-10-11 01:50:07 AM
1 votes:

puckhead:
seems like a plugger, who made some cake, like a Niel or an Ott.


I think Ott's married. Also from Atlantic Canada/Ontario, which would make him an unlikely Oilers fan. And Chris Neil is a religious super-fundie, I think. But I like your general model--seems to fit.
2012-10-11 01:39:52 AM
1 votes:

Rev.K:
He said his first contract was $847,000.


Mike Ribiero is the only one I have found so far to fit make that salary early in his career, and much more later... but there's no farking way ratboy is this witty. salary source 
seems like a plugger, who made some cake, like a Niel or an Ott.
2012-10-11 01:34:18 AM
1 votes:

bel4sucks:
Bottom line, with so few men having those exact experiences, and the stories that got told about them, I'd be willing to bet it isn't even just players that know who this is. Staff, coaches, sports writers, etc etc etc. All it takes is one of those people to not like this guy very much, and out comes his identity.


I have to believe he's throwing out some misdirection if this is actually an NHL player and he really doesn't want to be identified. Otherwise, why bother hiding who he is in the first place, since he'd inevitably be caught. Some of these stories about other players have to be absolute fiction, and I suspect it's probably a lot of fun for this dude to make them up, which is fine by me: there pretty funny to read, too.

The guy told an extremely specific story about a teammate/player being injured in a strip club in Columbus. Hell a google search for -- three weeks upper body injury columbus-- shows Partick Sharp out with a three to four week upper body injury on a down day between a Sunday game against the Red Wings, and a Tuesday game in Columbus. I don't think it's Sharp, but that was just the first link I found. And that's from someone who wasn't even really looking, and truthfully doesn't care who it is as long as it keeps updating. At the very least, the player who got hurt in that tit bar now knows who the author of this blog is.

Not sure that you're tossing him out there as a real data point on this one, but off the top of my head re: Sharp...

Well, the only player on that lineup at that point who's a Canadian breadbasket product would be Duncan Keith, who lines up pretty well if you fudge some stuff re: numbers of siblings, etc. (I discount Captain Serious as a possibility.) But he's never played in Pittsburgh on Thanksgiving.

I mean, who knows? Like I said, it seems entirely possible that this guy, if legit, is throwing out tons of crazy crap and enjoying watching us scramble to solve the "mystery."

Still, kinda fun to scramble anyhow. Heh-heh.
2012-10-11 12:29:22 AM
1 votes:
Oh and another story from that same day I referenced. There probably haven't been too many teams staying at a Marriott on Columbus Day in what has got to be the day before a game in Pittsburgh where a player demanded a Thanksgiving Day meal and then started cussing the staff out and tossing cash around, especially the "5k each" part. Even if you go back what, 10 years? 15? More? So take that, plus the other two stories I pointed out and if this guy is actually telling his own life, instead of other people's stories, you've probably got what a 3 player window? Maybe more?

Bottom line, with so few men having those exact experiences, and the stories that got told about them, I'd be willing to bet it isn't even just players that know who this is. Staff, coaches, sports writers, etc etc etc. All it takes is one of those people to not like this guy very much, and out comes his identity.
2012-10-10 10:26:59 PM
1 votes:

Lonestar: Gotta love Fark's indenpendant douchebags, if you think hes someone why dont you tell us and share us your "logic".


Oh I never said I knew who he was. How you got "I know who it is" from

bel4sucks: I think this dude revealed who he is in the update before this one.


has got to be the product of you thinking you're way smarter than you actually are, especially the adamant "NOPE!" you replied to it with.

The guy told an extremely specific story about a teammate/player being injured in a strip club in Columbus. Hell a google search for -- three weeks upper body injury columbus-- shows Partick Sharp out with a three to four week upper body injury on a down day between a Sunday game against the Red Wings, and a Tuesday game in Columbus. I don't think it's Sharp, but that was just the first link I found. And that's from someone who wasn't even really looking, and truthfully doesn't care who it is as long as it keeps updating. At the very least, the player who got hurt in that tit bar now knows who the author of this blog is.

Hell the story about Marchment (or Marchant) riding on top of the bus and then farking a groupie on top of the thing narrowed it down. Now this story narrows it down further. The fact that hockey (and I assume all) locker rooms are more gossipy than grandma's drunken card games means a whole lot of people heard about the dumbass that farked himself up in a strip club.
2012-10-10 09:36:07 PM
1 votes:

fatalvenom: /probably not too funny, but worth a shot


i lol'd.

Swamp Donkey at iHop is an awesome Fark handle.
2012-10-10 09:24:57 PM
1 votes:

The Shoveller: No way a guy who spends his time looking it two directions at once comes away from a wood-chopping event with all his limbs intact.


Yeah, I'm reading more of these and it's definitely not Horcoff.

Definitely young and a party animal. He had his stomach pumped in Vegas?! Jesus Christ.

He said his first contract was $847,000.

And it's obviously an Oiler, a local boy, but I doubt it's Ryan Smyth.
2012-10-10 07:48:39 PM
1 votes:

Doc Daneeka: What am I supposed to do with my evenings?


Some good shows are on TV right now: Homeland, Tremé, Boardwalk Empire, Sons of Anarchy, Downton Abbey... I'm getting caught up on Louie and Sherlock.

A lot of good books to be read, too. In any event, there's always porn.
2012-10-10 07:04:36 PM
1 votes:

bel4sucks: I think this dude revealed who he is in the update before this one.


Nope, sounds like he doesnt like Chara though. Nor Sutter.
2012-10-10 06:52:57 PM
1 votes:
"You're all a bunch of f*cking babies," he says. "Millionaire babies. Just tell your guy to fix it and go and play hockey already. You get to play a damned game. What the hell are you complaining about?

FTA.

Probably how every fan feels. F*ck all of them, greedy bastards.
2012-10-10 06:40:07 PM
1 votes:
"Everything chopped and stacked in the back of the garage. Mum and Dad'll have enough wood for the winter. Dad and I inside, more coffee, sit and watch SportsCentre. They do a thing about the lockout and get it all wrong. I tell dad how it really is. "You're all a bunch of farking babies," he says. "Millionaire babies. Just tell your guy to fix it and go and play hockey already. You get to play a damned game. What the hell are you complaining about?"

Didn't know he felt like that."


OH holy lol.
 
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