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(Digital Journal)   TSA goes from "humiliating" to "painful" via free testicle slaps during screening   ( divider line
    More: Asinine, eggs  
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15564 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Oct 2012 at 7:15 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-10-10 07:20:30 PM  
4 votes:
TSA: Testicle Slapping Assholes
2012-10-10 06:24:45 PM  
4 votes:
Y'know, I remember Ghastly joking about how the TSA grope-downs might make him spontaneously say things like "now spit in my mouth and call me a whore", but I didn't expect the TSA to take it seriously.

/The safeword is banana
2012-10-10 06:12:18 PM  
4 votes:
images.intimatewholesalers.comView Full Size

Always wear protection, I say.
2012-10-10 09:07:24 PM  
3 votes:
Make them pull the anal beads out. "You wanna know if they are explosive? You pull the farking things out. It took a long time to get them in there, I ain't touchin' them".
2012-10-10 07:30:59 PM  
3 votes:
"Assume the position, citizen"

theoi.comView Full Size
2012-10-10 07:20:51 PM  
3 votes:
My last TSA agent:

bugbean.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
2012-10-10 05:49:09 PM  
3 votes:
You can get that for free now?!?
2012-10-10 05:08:41 PM  
3 votes:
Usually, you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.
2012-10-10 07:58:56 PM  
2 votes:
I really want to get one of those moulded rubber fake penises that you can slip over your own equipment. Specifically, one of the ones like they use in porn, say around 13" long.

Then, when I opt out, get patted down and asked "what's that", I can say "oh, I forgot about that, here you go", reach in my pants, pull out my still warm, fake man tool, and place it in the shocked screener's hand.

/I'm prolly on the no fly list now
//hey there TSA
2012-10-10 07:52:53 PM  
2 votes:

cookiefleck: What I find humiliating is that cold steel thing they slide up your cooch and the actual groping you get when they get curious if your tits are real. I understand a quick 3 second feel to the under boob area.. pinching and rubbing of the nipples seems excessive.

punditkitchen.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
2012-10-10 07:34:39 PM  
2 votes:
Sad, sad commentary on what's become of America. John G. Graham wouldn't have been able to surprise his mother with a present in her luggage if the TSA had been around in the 1950s.
2012-10-10 07:29:05 PM  
2 votes:
Bin laden won, and now we're getting our balls slapped from beyond the grave.
2012-10-10 07:23:15 PM  
2 votes:
oldtimecandy.comView Full Size
2012-10-10 07:19:26 PM  
2 votes:
Thanks for the late fantasy football team name, subby.
2012-10-10 05:49:32 PM  
2 votes:
Minorities and poor people get 'stop and frisk" and random strip searches in public.

Now rich folk get to experience the same thing.

imageshack.usView Full Size
2012-10-10 05:20:32 PM  
2 votes:
The episode left deForest in a state of "humiliation, rage, and frustration," according to the report

I bet, no one like's being left black-n-blue balled.
2012-10-11 11:52:36 AM  
1 vote:

um. Why don't we stop poking the hornets' nest?

the french have spoken.
2012-10-11 09:26:11 AM  
1 vote:
i agree with this solution
imgs.xkcd.comView Full Size
2012-10-11 08:53:14 AM  
1 vote:
Next, they'd be making everyone sit on the Ballsack Condundrum chair
shop.ghcdesigncenter.comView Full Size
2012-10-10 08:23:28 PM  
1 vote:

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: CowardlyLion: The agents are normal, poorly-paid folks--the system and a-holes who put the whole thing together are the ones to blame.

People who are following orders are not to blame for what they personally do? This is what you're going with?

If we fire, fine, or imprison every thieving, rapey, or malevolent airport TSA agent, will the TSA become something good?
2012-10-10 08:14:58 PM  
1 vote:
I'd have dropped to the floor crying and screaming for a medic. Sued for pain and suffering / humiliation. Come at my testicle bro, daddy needs to retire
2012-10-10 08:14:54 PM  
1 vote:

The Southern Dandy: I just thought of something....imagine that....

A passenger can opt out of the xray scan and request a pat down, correct?
Can a female passenger request that pat down be conducted by a female TSA agent? If so, why?

Can a male passenger request a pat down by a female TSA agent? If not, why not?

What if i said i was gay? Would they get me a female screener?

If they do and i start moaning, what would they do?

What if i say i was gay and they still give me a male screener and i start moaning?
2012-10-10 08:14:22 PM  
1 vote:

pottie: OSULugan: Usually, you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.

No, no, it's the happy ending you pay double for.

I always thought that the service was free and the payment was just to make them shut up and go away.
2012-10-10 08:13:30 PM  
1 vote:
I always do my level best to make the screener feel like a sexual harassment victim, and I wish more people employed that strategy. Make eye contact, waggle your eyebrows, and tell them they missed a spot and they better do it again.... for America.
2012-10-10 07:59:54 PM  
1 vote:

matovichj: me and my finance

You gold-digging slut.
2012-10-10 07:56:16 PM  
1 vote:
Meaningless and useless "apology" letter from the head of the TSA in 5....4...3....2.....
2012-10-10 07:51:46 PM  
1 vote:
He's already knelt down. As soon as he slaps your nuts, kick him square in the face and just tell the police it was an involuntary reflex.
2012-10-10 07:51:11 PM  
1 vote:
Opt out and say you want the cute burly guy to feel you up using a falsetto voice...
Come here big guy! WINK!
2012-10-10 07:42:53 PM  
1 vote:
Somebody needs to wig out and beat the piss out of one of these TSA goons, then claim self defense against sexual assault.
2012-10-10 07:40:33 PM  
1 vote:
Way to go there, slapnuts.
2012-10-10 07:40:32 PM  
1 vote:

Kaiser Bill's Batman: I had testicle surgery in June, the incision and scar now show up as "something" on the airport scan, so not only did I get a dose of radiation, I also got ball checked to make sure I hadn't stuffed one of them with explosives the last time I flew.

Maybe you should've opted out of the solid steel neuticles
2012-10-10 07:35:42 PM  
1 vote:

red5ish: que.guero: Wouldn't being flicked in the testicles result in an automatic roundhouse kick to the flicker's face?

Never go roundhouse, you turn your back for an instant. Always go straight kick. It's faster too. But if the guy is leaning down you might just use your knee.

Just pee on the guy and blame it on your medically uncontrollable bladder spasms.
2012-10-10 07:33:38 PM  
1 vote:

I have passed the TSA many times and never been manhandled.

Then you chose to get a dose of radiation from the scanner.
Also TFA happens to point out an incident where something happened to someone other than you. You might look into the whole phenomenon of things that happen to other people, because occasionally what happens to them happens to you.
2012-10-10 07:32:05 PM  
1 vote:

que.guero: Wouldn't being flicked in the testicles result in an automatic roundhouse kick to the flicker's face?

Yeah, any mishandling of my nuts elicits a reflex "HULK SMASH" response from me. I'd definitely end up tasered and hogtied.
2012-10-10 07:31:59 PM  
1 vote:
He should be allowed to retaliate by teabagging the TSA agent.
2012-10-10 07:26:24 PM  
1 vote:
img230.imageshack.usView Full Size
2012-10-10 07:21:50 PM  
1 vote:

Coco LaFemme: Why do we put up with this shiat? There can't really be that many docile, lobotomized sacks of meat walking around this country, can there?

53% of the population, according to one source.
2012-10-10 07:16:38 PM  
1 vote:
Subby: Not meaning to sound crude, but what if you like that sort of thing...?
2012-10-10 07:14:17 PM  
1 vote:
You slapped my testicles!
Are you going to file a formal complaint?
No sirree, I was just wondering where the tip jar was, I haven't had the pleasure of such intimate contact since last June, when I found myself on a crowded F train.
2012-10-10 07:07:52 PM  
1 vote:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I'm afraid I would have had a much more violent reaction under the circumstances

Me too, and we'd both be in jail right now. For punching a guy who just slapped our fu*king balls. That is not right.

The TSA gets me closer to murder than anything else. Even Illinois Nazis.
2012-10-10 05:27:08 PM  
1 vote:
You're the one that chose to fly commercial. Now moo like a good cow and get on the damned airplane.
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