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(Cracked)   The computer repairman hates you, here are five reasons why   (cracked.com) divider line 260
    More: Obvious  
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14137 clicks; posted to Geek » on 10 Oct 2012 at 12:34 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-10 11:41:25 AM  
That was actually slightly more annoying than the slideshows.
 
2012-10-10 11:50:55 AM  

Ennuipoet: That was actually slightly more annoying than the slideshows.



I particularly enjoyed the volume control-less advertisement before the video.


And if a computer will not boot even in safe mode, you pull the drive and hook it to a usb-to-ata device ($20) and see if you can clean it up enough to get it to boot. Or at least pull important information off of it.
 
2012-10-10 11:59:17 AM  
I cannot tell you how many times i've met the dipshiat in this video.
 
2012-10-10 12:01:48 PM  
You know what, I can deal with all that. Money is money and if I end up fixing the same thing more than twice, I'll charge you.

What really bugs me is the fact that most of the idiots that I end up helping don't seem to know what a DAMP FARKING RAG is. Seriously? You want me to touch THAT farking keyboard?

Not until I put on a friggin biohazard suit.
 
2012-10-10 12:40:43 PM  
The computer repairman loves you, here are five reasons why.
1. job security
2. money
3. mortgage/rent
4. steady income
5. Did I mention money and/or job security?

You can't fix stupid, but you can make a lot of money putting a bandaid on it.
 
M-G
2012-10-10 12:42:02 PM  
Fail for autoplay video link.
 
2012-10-10 12:43:22 PM  

UberDave: Ennuipoet: That was actually slightly more annoying than the slideshows.


I particularly enjoyed the volume control-less advertisement before the video.


And if a computer will not boot even in safe mode, you pull the drive and hook it to a usb-to-ata device ($20) and see if you can clean it up enough to get it to boot. Or at least pull important information off of it.


Yeah seriously get the data off, reinstall, put data back. They are out their programs but if they actually purchased them they can easily get them back on and if they pirated them that's probably how they got their computer to the state it was in. I'm about past cleaning drives to make them boot on my computer then putting back just to have to revisit in a few months anyway.
 
2012-10-10 12:43:54 PM  
Is it because I use a script to block autoplay videos?
 
2012-10-10 12:45:12 PM  

Robots are Strong: The computer repairman loves you, here are five reasons why.
1. job security
2. money
3. mortgage/rent
4. steady income
5. Did I mention money and/or job security?

You can't fix stupid, but you can make a lot of money putting a bandaid on it.


You forgot to mention all the pics of the wifey you leave on your drive him to discover!
 
2012-10-10 12:46:27 PM  
Cracked and video streaming blocked at work, summerize?
Please?
 
2012-10-10 12:52:09 PM  

TNel: UberDave: Ennuipoet: That was actually slightly more annoying than the slideshows.


I particularly enjoyed the volume control-less advertisement before the video.


And if a computer will not boot even in safe mode, you pull the drive and hook it to a usb-to-ata device ($20) and see if you can clean it up enough to get it to boot. Or at least pull important information off of it.

Yeah seriously get the data off, reinstall, put data back. They are out their programs but if they actually purchased them they can easily get them back on and if they pirated them that's probably how they got their computer to the state it was in. I'm about past cleaning drives to make them boot on my computer then putting back just to have to revisit in a few months anyway.



I've noticed over the last few years that when someone's system is screwed to such a point it is either a polymorphic virus or something that acts like a polymorphic virus - IOW, system files (at the least) have been compromised. A virus scanner may be able to put your files back together and remove the malicious code but the chances of it doing it correctly are slim (scanning and cleaning from a separate system).

I usually just retrieve important data, wipe the drive, and re-install the OS with an app drive and a data drive (like you're supposed to) and set a image/backup schedule and tell the user to burn off the backup every now and then.
 
2012-10-10 12:52:10 PM  

M-G: Fail for autoplay video link.


Fail for not using a flash blocking add on.
 
2012-10-10 01:01:01 PM  

Robots are Strong: The computer repairman loves you, here are five reasons why.
1. job security
2. money
3. mortgage/rent
4. steady income
5. Did I mention money and/or job security?

You can't fix stupid, but you can make a lot of money putting a bandaid on it.


Weird. Most of the time it goes, "You work with computers, so you must be dying to fix my computer for free, right?"

It never seems to register that "work with" implies that I typically get paid for that activity.
 
2012-10-10 01:05:53 PM  

China White Tea: Robots are Strong: The computer repairman loves you, here are five reasons why.
1. job security
2. money
3. mortgage/rent
4. steady income
5. Did I mention money and/or job security?

You can't fix stupid, but you can make a lot of money putting a bandaid on it.

Weird. Most of the time it goes, "You work with computers, so you must be dying to fix my computer for free, right?"

It never seems to register that "work with" implies that I typically get paid for that activity.


Came here to say what Robots, had, however the bastard beat me to it *shakes tiny fist*.

But yeah, computer stupid keeps me on the gravy train. I went to college for art. Options were, in effect, attempt to whore myself doing shiatty art and telling people they just "don't understand it", thus getting it in galleries, or maybe doing art on commission which will go nicely with the wealthy patron's sofa and curtains. OR, get a job at Starbucks and hate myself while slowly withering away to nothing on a diet subsisting of coffee and Ramen noodles. OR, take my love of technology, willingness to actually READ, and charge people buckets of money to fix the mistakes they made on their Mac/PC/iPad/Droid device.

Starving artist = romantic. Fat, well paid geek = more fun.
 
2012-10-10 01:07:27 PM  

Krowdaddy Chixdiggit: Robots are Strong: The computer repairman loves you, here are five reasons why.
1. job security
2. money
3. mortgage/rent
4. steady income
5. Did I mention money and/or job security?

You can't fix stupid, but you can make a lot of money putting a bandaid on it.

You forgot to mention all the pics of the wifey you leave on your drive him to discover!


Forget that, best part working at a pc shop was finding pics of a guy in his WIFES lingere. Eye bleach.... we needed a lot.
 
2012-10-10 01:10:13 PM  

unchellmatt: China White Tea: Robots are Strong: The computer repairman loves you, here are five reasons why.
1. job security
2. money
3. mortgage/rent
4. steady income
5. Did I mention money and/or job security?

You can't fix stupid, but you can make a lot of money putting a bandaid on it.

Weird. Most of the time it goes, "You work with computers, so you must be dying to fix my computer for free, right?"

It never seems to register that "work with" implies that I typically get paid for that activity.

Came here to say what Robots, had, however the bastard beat me to it *shakes tiny fist*.

But yeah, computer stupid keeps me on the gravy train. I went to college for art. Options were, in effect, attempt to whore myself doing shiatty art and telling people they just "don't understand it", thus getting it in galleries, or maybe doing art on commission which will go nicely with the wealthy patron's sofa and curtains. OR, get a job at Starbucks and hate myself while slowly withering away to nothing on a diet subsisting of coffee and Ramen noodles. OR, take my love of technology, willingness to actually READ, and charge people buckets of money to fix the mistakes they made on their Mac/PC/iPad/Droid device.

Starving artist = romantic. Fat, well paid geek = more fun.

 


Ummm, macs and iPads don't HAVE problems.
 
2012-10-10 01:15:33 PM  

ghare:
Ummm, macs and iPads don't HAVE problems.


web.mit.edu
 
2012-10-10 01:17:41 PM  
Ahh the thread where fat sweaty nerds get to act like their particular skillset makes them superior than others.
 
2012-10-10 01:20:02 PM  

fatkidinabeenie: Cracked and video streaming blocked at work, summerize?
Please?


Computer repair people hate you because you are a moron.
 
2012-10-10 01:20:05 PM  
Issue resolved.

Thread Locked.


Wow.... can't tell you how many times I've encountered this completely useless message in threads that describe EXACTLY the problem I am dealing with, and all the steps I've already gone through to fix it (to no avail), only to have "Issue Resolved" with no explanation of how this was achieved.

I thought the video was pretty much spot-on, being a software engineer who is called on frequently (or at least used to be) to fix friend's and family's PCs. Sometimes, it's stupid crap, like, this laptop has a busted screen, can you fix it? What do I look like, a corporate service depot?
 
2012-10-10 01:21:14 PM  

fatkidinabeenie: Cracked and video streaming blocked at work, summerize?
Please?


You're an idiot who broke your computer. Rather than fix it yourself, you call your idiot friend who knows only slightly more than you do, but he can work teh goog, and so he's your go-to. Idiot friend makes problem progressively worse until he has to reformat your hard drive, deleting all your goat porn and pictures of your kids that you never backed up.
 
2012-10-10 01:21:59 PM  

Krowdaddy Chixdiggit: Robots are Strong: The computer repairman loves you, here are five reasons why.
1. job security
2. money
3. mortgage/rent
4. steady income
5. Did I mention money and/or job security?

You can't fix stupid, but you can make a lot of money putting a bandaid on it.

You forgot to mention all the pics of the wifey you leave on your drive him to discover!


i47.tinypic.com

What pics of 'the wifey' make look like
 
2012-10-10 01:23:27 PM  
When people asked me to fix their computers for free I'd say, "Is it AIX, Solaris or HPUX?".
 
2012-10-10 01:24:51 PM  
Family know longer asks me to fix their computer. Not after what I did to my brother. It was Thanksgiving day several years ago. The extended family gathered at my brother's house for the occasion. He asked me to take a look at his computer because it was acting "funny". After several hours working on it I finally emerged from his office and announced it clean of the 137 pieces of malware I found on it. He made the mistake of asking me how they got on the computer. In front of the entire family I said, "because you installed an infected codec from a lesbian porn website."
 
2012-10-10 01:25:48 PM  

OgreMagi: Family know longer asks me to fix their computer. Not after what I did to my brother. It was Thanksgiving day several years ago. The extended family gathered at my brother's house for the occasion. He asked me to take a look at his computer because it was acting "funny". After several hours working on it I finally emerged from his office and announced it clean of the 137 pieces of malware I found on it. He made the mistake of asking me how they got on the computer. In front of the entire family I said, "because you installed an infected codec from a lesbian porn website."


ARGH! "s/know/no/"

I need coffee.
 
2012-10-10 01:26:23 PM  

natazha: When people asked me to fix their computers for free I'd say, "Is it AIX, Solaris or HPUX?".


I just hope they have some decent homemade porn available on the drive for my viewing pleasure.
 
2012-10-10 01:27:04 PM  

lilplatinum: Ahh the thread where fat sweaty nerds get to act like their particular skillset makes them superior than others.


No, this is the thread where people who think they're intrinsically better than everyone else get to bloviate at others to try to cover their underlying knowledge that they're failures. Don't worry, you're in the right place.
 
2012-10-10 01:32:35 PM  
We I finally got a job in infrastructure a while back and got out of touching desktops at work I started to refuse to fix a pc. Money or no money. Once you touch a person's computer to help them out you are volunteering yourself to address any problem they might have on that computer for the next 7 years regardless of the day/time/situation.

This website is must have for those who still deal with this sort of shiat.

http://lmgtfy.com/
 
2012-10-10 01:33:14 PM  
Here's an idea: Don't fix computers for other people.

My live became 300% better once I began observing that simple rule. They'll beg. They'll chide. They'll cajole. The appropriate response is always "fark off."
 
2012-10-10 01:34:13 PM  
I love clicking "restore last session" on the internet browser when some jackass wonders how he got a fake FBI warning on his computer.
 
2012-10-10 01:35:21 PM  

lilplatinum: Ahh the thread where fat sweaty nerds get to act like their particular skillset makes them superior than others.


No just able to fix stuff that someone couldn't. There is a difference.
 
2012-10-10 01:35:27 PM  

UberDave: And if a computer will not boot even in safe mode, you pull the drive and hook it to a usb-to-ata device ($20) and see if you can clean it up enough to get it to boot. Or at least pull important information off of it.


If you are being paid. If you are, as this video says, cleaning up an idiot friends pornado mess for the 3rd time you format and start clean.
 
2012-10-10 01:36:12 PM  
Was "On the rare occasion that my computer has a problem, I correct it myself, and thus the computer repairman receives $0" one of the reasons?

Because, frankly, that would be a pretty weak reason. There's no shortage of people doing stupid things on the internet to make up for that lost business.

/Reasons 1-99 why your computer is broken: You did something stupid on the internet.


OgreMagi: It was Thanksgiving day several years ago...


Nice work.
 
2012-10-10 01:36:14 PM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost:

What pics of 'the wifey' make look like


I did some work on a university computer one time. The guy using the PC was a huge, muscle bound cop that could have gotten a career in the WWE. Massive, massive dude.

As I'm fixing his machine, I noticed an email folder that had a name resembling a phone number. I pop it open and lo - his wife had been sending nude pics to his .edu email address.

Ya damn right I copied 'em off to a thumb drive before he got back...just in case I had to, you know, restore them at some point...you know, like if he lost his email folders or something?

...what? 

/She was smokin' hot...
 
2012-10-10 01:36:43 PM  
Friends and business don't mix. Repairing a computer is close enough to business that it should be included.

If a friend digs themselves into a hole, they need to learn how to climb their ass back out. They'll never learn to appreciate the consequences of their actions if you do it for them. If they can't figure it out, hopefully they'll give up using a PC and stick to their X-Box and iPhone.
 
2012-10-10 01:37:34 PM  

AcneVulgaris: Here's an idea: Don't fix computers for other people.

My live became 300% better once I began observing that simple rule. They'll beg. They'll chide. They'll cajole. The appropriate response is always "fark off."


When I was much younger and more naive, I never understood why doctors and lawyers wouldn't give free advice at parties and such. It always seemed douchey to me. I now fully understand that if you answer even a single question outside of normal business hours, or (god forbid) you do it for free, they will NEVER. LEAVE. YOU. ALONE. You will be their "guru" 24x7x365 until the end of time.
 
2012-10-10 01:40:43 PM  
UberDave: And if a computer will not boot even in safe mode, you pull the drive and hook it to a usb-to-ata device ($20)

If you've determined that the issue is a hosed OS (and not a hardware problem).

1) Boot from a USB stick/CD/DVD
2) Repartition their drive(resize the existing partition, move it to the end of the drive, make it extended, make a new partition at the start of the drive)
3) Reinstall windows on the new partition
4) Tell them that all of their old data is on the other partition

UberDave: I usually just retrieve important data, wipe the drive, and re-install the OS with an app drive and a data drive (like you're supposed to)

Ahh, all those years of partition magic on windows.

Now, the beauty of the linux filesystem is that you can mount those partitions practically anywhere in the filesystem you want.

lordargent.com 

// need to get bigger drives, are they still overpriced from the monsoons?

lordargent.com
 
2012-10-10 01:42:01 PM  

Robots are Strong: The computer repairman loves you, here are five reasons why.
1. job security
2. money
3. mortgage/rent
4. steady income
5. Did I mention money and/or job security?

You can't fix stupid, but you can make a lot of money putting a bandaid on it.


Despite the title, the video is actually about people who expect their friend to fix their computer for free.
 
2012-10-10 01:42:41 PM  

ghare: Ummm, macs and iPads don't HAVE problems.


I had to factory reset three iPads and two iPhones using a PC in the last year
 
2012-10-10 01:43:43 PM  

lilplatinum: Ahh the thread where fat sweaty nerds get to act like their particular skillset makes them superior than others.


I just came here to biatch that it's a video...and there is already a tab for that.
 
2012-10-10 01:49:51 PM  

LesserEvil: this laptop has a busted screen, can you fix it?


That is easy. tell them to order the part and you use Link as a guide or download the service manual from the OEM . I swear it takes less than a hour to do it. or do like i do and just tell them to plug a monitor into it
 
2012-10-10 01:50:48 PM  

lordargent: UberDave: And if a computer will not boot even in safe mode, you pull the drive and hook it to a usb-to-ata device ($20)

If you've determined that the issue is a hosed OS (and not a hardware problem).

1) Boot from a USB stick/CD/DVD
2) Repartition their drive(resize the existing partition, move it to the end of the drive, make it extended, make a new partition at the start of the drive)
3) Reinstall windows on the new partition
4) Tell them that all of their old data is on the other partition

UberDave: I usually just retrieve important data, wipe the drive, and re-install the OS with an app drive and a data drive (like you're supposed to)

Ahh, all those years of partition magic on windows.

Now, the beauty of the linux filesystem is that you can mount those partitions practically anywhere in the filesystem you want.

[lordargent.com image 850x428] 

// need to get bigger drives, are they still overpriced from the monsoons?

[lordargent.com image 850x592]


Sounds much easier for end users that think they can get a free iPad by clicking on this link. If they can't handle not getting systems hosed they can't handle your suggestion of another partition.
 
2012-10-10 01:51:19 PM  
With the help of what friends in IT jobs have taught me, free software for computer cleaning, and YouTube videos, i have made $200/ hour cleaning viruses and malware off infected computers.

Personally, I hate doing it. Because here is what happens repeatedly: I clean off the computer. I get the computer working again. Less than 30 days later, they call, their computer as another problem and they want me to fix it for free because they are convinced it was the same virus as before and I failed to clean it off before. They refuse to accept the possibility that they did the same stupid shiat as before and got their machine reinfected.

Last night I got a nasty little hijacker virus. I couldn't escape it. In the corner there was the seal of the United States. It stated that I had illegally downloaded movies, music, torrent files and child porn and to pay a $200 fine via Moneypak to access my computer. Now, clearly this is a scam. Had there been child porn, I wouldn't be asked to pay a fine, there would be federal agents storming my place. It took an hour, but I cleared that farker off. Pissed me off, but I also know that soon I will be getting calls from friends and family members to clear it off. $200/hour and I will.

Yes, there are those who scoff at my price and even point out that I use free software. But I also take time out. Of my schedule to work on their computer, plus if they knew how to use the free software they wouldn't need my knowledge and skills. They can either pay me, buy a new computer, or try it themselves where they may fail creating a bigger problem and them paying me more money to fix an even bigger problem.
 
2012-10-10 01:58:27 PM  
Here's what I tell my family to do if their computer is running slow or acting "funny". Run "Malwarebytes Antimalware". Don't bother me if you haven't already done that.

If their system is stiff farked, I tell them to wipe it because there's nothing I can do to fix it.
 
2012-10-10 02:01:06 PM  
Always found it funny that the all holy apple sticker somehow made the same computer parts 1x-1x.5 more their worth.
 
2012-10-10 02:01:36 PM  
TNel: Sounds much easier for end users that think they can get a free iPad by clicking on this link. If they can't handle not getting systems hosed they can't handle your suggestion of another partition.

That advice wasn't for the end users. UberDave said

"And if a computer will not boot even in safe mode, you pull the drive and hook it to a usb-to-ata device ($20)"

But I don't think the typical user would be able to figure that out either (IE, pulling a drive).
 
2012-10-10 02:01:40 PM  

AcneVulgaris: Here's an idea: Don't fix computers for other people.

My live became 300% better once I began observing that simple rule. They'll beg. They'll chide. They'll cajole. The appropriate response is always "fark off."


I dont say fark off, I just say I dont have a desktop anymore, just a laptop, so
I cannot fix their computer. If they know why I am lying, most likely they can fix it themselves.
 
2012-10-10 02:02:51 PM  
pet peeve

Theoretically there is nothing wrong with having a more than full desktop of icons. I've ran OS installs for years with this not being a problem. I'm a scatter brain so I like to have everything right in the most obvious place possible. My real desk at work is like that too.

Generally when I see "computer guys" complain about this, I assume they are just anal neat freaks or are looking for an excuse to throw their hands and "reinstall".

pet peave
 
2012-10-10 02:03:21 PM  

OgreMagi: Family know longer asks me to fix their computer. Not after what I did to my brother. It was Thanksgiving day several years ago. The extended family gathered at my brother's house for the occasion. He asked me to take a look at his computer because it was acting "funny". After several hours working on it I finally emerged from his office and announced it clean of the 137 pieces of malware I found on it. He made the mistake of asking me how they got on the computer. In front of the entire family I said, "because you installed an infected codec from a lesbian porn website."


I could imagine having something like that happening with my dad, except that I made him switch to Linux back in '99, so none of the porn malware works on his computer. And if he does manage to screw something up, I can usually SSH into the computer from my place (I live 100 miles away) and try to fix it remotely.
 
2012-10-10 02:08:51 PM  
My other pet pieve is not being able to edit posts after submitting.
 
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