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(Times Union)   Convicted Ponzi schemer and caffiene addict writes a letter to the judge who convicted him. Blames TGIFridays for his problems and wishes he was a drug user so he could get a shorter prison sentence. Is caffiene a drug?   (timesunion.com) divider line 30
    More: Dumbass, prison sentences  
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3095 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Oct 2012 at 11:07 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-10 09:04:10 AM  
Maybe there should be mandatory prison time for spelling caffeine the way you did, Subs.
 
2012-10-10 09:11:28 AM  
The ticked-off Ryan informed the judge he suffered a bizarre head injury in a TGIF restaurant in 1999 when a waiter accidently smacked Ryan in the head with a wooden high chair.


It's just like that episode of Gilligan's Island where Gilligan gets smacked in the head with a coconut and it causes him to swindle the Howells out of all their money.
 
2012-10-10 10:02:26 AM  
We've all seen the mugshot series that some enterprising law enforcement people have put together showing the effects of drug use on the same person over the years. I would love for someone to do that for this type of crime because this person would be a prime candidate for a Faces of Douche series.
 
2012-10-10 10:25:42 AM  
lh4.googleusercontent.com

You can have my coffee when you pry it from my cold dead hands...
 
2012-10-10 10:39:59 AM  
Drug dealer, not user.
 
2012-10-10 11:14:44 AM  
Nothing to see here, just a raving lunatic who just pooped his pants. Move away slowly and don't make eye contact.
 
2012-10-10 11:15:21 AM  
TGIFridays is the new golf course for making ponzi scheme deals.
 
2012-10-10 11:20:38 AM  

pjbreeze: Nothing to see here, just a raving lunatic who just pooped his pants.


Mm. I wonder if this bit of TFA is relevant: Mordue will preside over Ryan's forfeiture hearing. It is set for Thursday in Syracuse. And Ryan is listed as a witness. It sounds to me like part of a cunning plan to prepare for an appeal against forfeiture.
 
2012-10-10 11:22:29 AM  
With that amount of caffiene and aspirin this guy must have a stomach lined with lead.
 
2012-10-10 11:22:49 AM  
So... if the judge hates you (justifiably or not) and throws the book at you, the drug addict gets 18 months less than the non-drug addict.

Can someone try to justify this to me? Why is it that the person who commits a second crime (drug use) gets less time in total than someone who committed only one crime?
 
2012-10-10 11:23:58 AM  
This goes up there with the ole "Twinkie defense"
 
2012-10-10 11:34:43 AM  
I'm not sure about "caffiene", but I'm pretty sure caffeine is a drug.
 
2012-10-10 11:36:37 AM  
I before E except after C, or when sounding like A as in neighbor or weigh. Or if it's caffeine.
 
2012-10-10 11:36:40 AM  

halB: So... if the judge hates you (justifiably or not) and throws the book at you, the drug addict gets 18 months less than the non-drug addict.

Can someone try to justify this to me? Why is it that the person who commits a second crime (drug use) gets less time in total than someone who committed only one crime?


I'm going with that Matthew Ryan isn't a legal scholar and is trying to get the judge removed from his upcoming forfeiture hearing.
 
2012-10-10 11:42:25 AM  
The ticked-off Ryan informed the judge he suffered a bizarre head injury in a TGIF restaurant in 1999 when a waiter accidently smacked Ryan in the head with a wooden high chair

Chris Jericho heartily agrees.
 
2012-10-10 11:43:44 AM  
He's right about one thing: an inmate can get time off of a federal prison sentence if he is accepted into, and completes, a drug treatment program while incarcerated. This option is obviously available only to those with a history of drug abuse. So, theoretically, a drug abuser can spend less time in prison for the same crime than someone who does not abuse drugs.

I'm still not able to generate any sympathy for this guy.
 
2012-10-10 11:44:15 AM  
Is caffeine a drug?

Well, as we learned yesterday, it is in Pekin, IL.
 
2012-10-10 11:45:05 AM  

tomo12144: I before E except after C, or when sounding like A as in neighbor or weigh. Or if it's caffeine.


and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May, and you'll always be wrong no matter what you say!"
 
2012-10-10 11:55:52 AM  
all you need to know from the article...

"The positive side is that the B.O.P. (federal Bureau of Prisons) will have to pay for all the medical expenses into my dementia stage of my life."

"The best part of my brain injury is I will most likely forget what a disgusting bias judge you really are!"

"PS: The sad thing is I am not sure if I have already sent you a letter like this previously!"
 
2012-10-10 12:02:30 PM  
I like the taste of coffee, but it farks me up too much to drink at work. I'm OK with not having that addiction, too.

/just drink it while camping or the morning after a night of heavy drinking (usually the same thing)
 
2012-10-10 12:25:30 PM  
Well, that letter ought to score him a big recurring dose of thorazine.
 
2012-10-10 12:42:18 PM  
The English empire was first and foremost a mechanism to secure the English their most treasured drug in the form of tea. Yes caffeine is a drug.
 
2012-10-10 01:19:13 PM  
I'm willing to bet there is a metric ass-load of people in prison for possession with intent to distribute that would gladly swap sentences with you and your cute little 10 year span.
 
2012-10-10 02:26:47 PM  
i45.tinypic.com
 
2012-10-10 03:25:10 PM  

hubiestubert: [lh4.googleusercontent.com image 640x512]

You can have my coffee when you pry it from my cold dead hands...


Awesome, I'll need to save that picture..
 
2012-10-10 05:47:14 PM  
Cameforthemantraleavinghappy
 
2012-10-10 06:18:42 PM  
x2f.xanga.com
 
2012-10-10 07:12:09 PM  
This is how people end up when they are never punished or feel the pain of consequences as a child. They become impetuous adults that throw a tantrum after they've gone way too far and are shocked that mommy isn't there to save them.
 
2012-10-10 10:08:37 PM  
I used to drive to Canada twice a year just to stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew, until those damn Canucks changed their laws allowing caffeine in beverages with fruit juice. Damn straight Pepsi jumped all over that and started putting caffeine in that shiat.

Bastards.
 
2012-10-12 05:29:18 PM  

Your Average Witty Fark User: I used to drive to Canada twice a year just to stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew, until those damn Canucks changed their laws allowing caffeine in beverages with fruit juice. Damn straight Pepsi jumped all over that and started putting caffeine in that shiat.

Bastards.


you can buy Caffeine Free Diet Mountain Dew at teh local Publix. Sure it's not Caffeine Free Diabeetus version, but it's better for u. u don't want diabeetus

diabeetus
 
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