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(McSweeney's)   Indiana Jones and the Committee on Academic Tenure Review   (mcsweeneys.net) divider line 57
    More: Amusing, interpersonal skills, antiquities, National Occupational Standards, archaeologists, tenure, policies and procedures  
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4511 clicks; posted to Geek » on 09 Oct 2012 at 10:13 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-09 10:01:33 AM  
In addition to multiple instances of public drunkenness, Dr. Jones, on three separate occasions, has attempted to set fire to the herpetology wing of the biology department.

LOL
 
2012-10-09 10:25:37 AM  
All that but no mention of crystal-skulled aliens and spaceships?
 
2012-10-09 10:31:00 AM  

Marshall Willenholly: All that but no mention of crystal-skulled aliens and spaceships?


THAT MOVIE DOES NOT EXIST.
You hush now.
 
2012-10-09 10:37:30 AM  

Marshall Willenholly: All that but no mention of crystal-skulled aliens and spaceships?


I have no idea what this refers to. None at all.
 
2012-10-09 10:43:03 AM  
I always wished they made a fourth film, too bad they never came up with a good enough script to get that done.
 
2012-10-09 10:52:34 AM  

On the Side: I always wished they made a fourth film, too bad they never came up with a good enough script to get that done.


This.
 
2012-10-09 10:52:38 AM  
Is this where I whine about not finding a job in archaeology? No? Carry on then.


/Wish they'd make a 4th too
 
2012-10-09 10:53:52 AM  
IT DOES EXIST FARKERS. YOU MUST ACCEPT IT'S EXISTENCE. AND IT WAS GOOD.
 
2012-10-09 10:53:57 AM  

Marshall Willenholly: All that but no mention of crystal-skulled aliens and spaceships?

January 22, 1939


The denial of his tenure led him down a sorry path, but things picked up when he discovered he had a son who liked to comb his hair, and then communists came and nuclear fridge happened.

I will say this though. Of all the things that happened in all the Indy films, crystal skulls and aliens are the most plausible... actually no, because the Thuggees were a real sect, ok, crystal skulls and aliens are the 2nd most plausible thing. Therefore it's the best film ever made. K? K.
 
2012-10-09 10:54:24 AM  
Really? People biatch about aliens but they're fine with angels erupting from a box and melting faces and whatever the fark happened in the second one?
 
2012-10-09 10:54:45 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2012-10-09 10:56:09 AM  

Straight to doom: IT DOES EXIST FARKERS. YOU MUST ACCEPT IT'S EXISTENCE. AND IT WAS GOOD.


Shut your whore mouth!
 
2012-10-09 10:56:22 AM  

Sargun: Really? People biatch about aliens but they're fine with angels erupting from a box and melting faces and whatever the fark happened in the second one?


Have you forgotten Shia LaBoeuf swinging like Tarzan with an army of monkeys? No? Because I've tried to forget, I really have.
 
2012-10-09 10:57:53 AM  

On the Side: Straight to doom: IT DOES EXIST FARKERS. YOU MUST ACCEPT IT'S EXISTENCE. AND IT WAS GOOD.

Shut your whore mouth!


NEVER! IT'S EXISTENCE WILL NEVER DIE. WE HAVE PROOF.
 
2012-10-09 10:57:54 AM  
Your thesis sucks.
 
2012-10-09 11:01:15 AM  

Sargun: Really? People biatch about aliens but they're fine with angels erupting from a box and melting faces and whatever the fark happened in the second one?


Yes.
 
2012-10-09 11:01:41 AM  

Slaxl: I will say this though. Of all the things that happened in all the Indy films, crystal skulls and aliens are the most plausible... actually no, because the Thuggees were a real sect, ok, crystal skulls and aliens are the 2nd most plausible thing. Therefore it's the best film ever made. K? K.


The Last Crusade is still my favorite movie out of the bunch, hands down. Between Venice, Petra, running into Hitler, AND having to rescue Indy's dad (James Bond!!!), there was not a bad scene in that entire movie.
 
2012-10-09 11:01:52 AM  

Straight to doom: On the Side: Straight to doom: IT DOES EXIST FARKERS. YOU MUST ACCEPT IT'S EXISTENCE. AND IT WAS GOOD.

Shut your whore mouth!

NEVER! IT'S EXISTENCE WILL NEVER DIE. WE HAVE PROOF.


*holds hands over ears*

LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA
 
2012-10-09 11:09:26 AM  

raerae1980: Slaxl: I will say this though. Of all the things that happened in all the Indy films, crystal skulls and aliens are the most plausible... actually no, because the Thuggees were a real sect, ok, crystal skulls and aliens are the 2nd most plausible thing. Therefore it's the best film ever made. K? K.

The Last Crusade is still my favorite movie out of the bunch, hands down. Between Venice, Petra, running into Hitler, AND having to rescue Indy's dad (James Bond!!!), there was not a bad scene in that entire movie.


No I agree, I love the Last Crusade.

The hell you will! He's got a two-day head start on you, which is more than he needs. Brody's got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan. He speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom. He'll blend in... disappear... you'll never see him again. With any luck... he's got the Grail already.

Does anyone here speak English? Or even Ancient Greek?
 
2012-10-09 11:31:40 AM  
maybe it's been a while since I watched the movies, but what was the reference to burning down the biology department three times?
 
2012-10-09 11:33:11 AM  

pute kisses like a man: maybe it's been a while since I watched the movies, but what was the reference to burning down the biology department three times?


He hates snakes, Chuck.
 
2012-10-09 11:34:21 AM  

pute kisses like a man: maybe it's been a while since I watched the movies, but what was the reference to burning down the biology department three times?


Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?

Also: the 4th film was pretty good. Suck it haters.
 
2012-10-09 11:37:02 AM  

pute kisses like a man: maybe it's been a while since I watched the movies, but what was the reference to burning down the biology department three times?


Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?
 
2012-10-09 11:44:09 AM  
Funny but way too "modern." I think there was a lot of archeology that bordered on "unabashed grave robbing" in the 20's and 30's.
 
2012-10-09 11:44:34 AM  
If Crystal Skull came out 2nd or 3rd it would be just as beloved as the others. Bunch of adults in here expecting to feel the same vibe as movies they watched for the first time when they were 6.

Temple of Doom is the worst by far, easily. People complain about swinging vines but lame voodoo dolls and blood trance drinks are fine I guess.
 
2012-10-09 11:46:39 AM  
Not to mention I would rather watch an Indy movie that literally has clones of Shia as part of the plot than watch another one with that shrieking blond harpy and stereotypical asian child."Hang on lady, we gowing fo a wide. OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAWD"
 
2012-10-09 11:49:15 AM  

Blues_X: Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?


urger: Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?

Also: the 4th film was pretty good. Suck it haters.


Slaxl: He hates snakes, Chuck.


ok. I had to look up what herpetology meant. thanks. feels stupid for having to look something up.
 
2012-10-09 11:51:40 AM  

Electromax: If Crystal Skull came out 2nd or 3rd it would be just as beloved as the others. Bunch of adults in here expecting to feel the same vibe as movies they watched for the first time when they were 6.

Temple of Doom is the worst by far, easily. People complain about swinging vines but lame voodoo dolls and blood trance drinks are fine I guess.


You're right in that if it had been contemporaneous with the original 3 it would be liked as much, but you're wrong to insinuate that Temple of Doom might be in any way a bad film.

Is he nuts?
He no nuts, he's crazy!

Antidote...
The antidote to what?
To the poison *chuckle* you just drank, hahaha. >:)

Then you have the whole plane scene, falling on a raft. Great scene because of how even children watch it and go "pfft, no way could they survive that!"

Oh, and the grand dinner scene with the Maharaja, insects, monkey brains, eye balls. Great stuff.

Fortune n' glory kid, fortune n' glory.
 
2012-10-09 11:54:30 AM  
sarcasticgamer.com 

Best movie baddy.
 
2012-10-09 11:58:47 AM  
I liked the 4th movie. I liked that it treated archaeology as a real science for the first time since Raiders, and I also liked how it acknowledged how much Harrison Ford had changed since we last saw him, rather than pretending he was the same man he was 15-20 years ago. After all, "it's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.".

I liked Last Crusade more than Temple of Doom, but I give Temple of Doom credit for daring to do something different instead of going by the book like Last Crusade ultimately did.
 
2012-10-09 12:08:17 PM  

mryoop789: Marshall Willenholly: All that but no mention of crystal-skulled aliens and spaceships?

THAT MOVIE DOES NOT EXIST.
You hush now.


blahpers: Marshall Willenholly: All that but no mention of crystal-skulled aliens and spaceships?

I have no idea what this refers to. None at all.


On the Side: I always wished they made a fourth film, too bad they never came up with a good enough script to get that done.


On the Side: I always wished they made a fourth film, too bad they never came up with a good enough script to get that done.


labman: On the Side: I always wished they made a fourth film, too bad they never came up with a good enough script to get that done.

This.


raerae1980: Is this where I whine about not finding a job in archaeology? No? Carry on then.


/Wish they'd make a 4th too


On the Side: Straight to doom: IT DOES EXIST FARKERS. YOU MUST ACCEPT IT'S EXISTENCE. AND IT WAS GOOD.

Shut your whore mouth!


Straight to doom: On the Side: Straight to doom: IT DOES EXIST FARKERS. YOU MUST ACCEPT IT'S EXISTENCE. AND IT WAS GOOD.

Shut your whore mouth!

NEVER! IT'S EXISTENCE WILL NEVER DIE. WE HAVE PROOF.


On the Side: Straight to doom: On the Side: Straight to doom: IT DOES EXIST FARKERS. YOU MUST ACCEPT IT'S EXISTENCE. AND IT WAS GOOD.

Shut your whore mouth!

NEVER! IT'S EXISTENCE WILL NEVER DIE. WE HAVE PROOF.

*holds hands over ears*

LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA


Stop pretending Crystal Skull never happened. Sticking your head in the sand is not going to make it go away. The only thing anyone can do is keep moving forward.
 
2012-10-09 12:08:18 PM  

Sargun: Really? People biatch about aliens but they're fine with angels erupting from a box and melting faces and whatever the fark happened in the second one?


Suspension of disbelief is a lot easier than jumping genres. Don't try to cram your pulp adventure hero into a sci-fi story.
 
2012-10-09 12:08:32 PM  

On the Side: I always wished they made a fourth film, too bad they never came up with a good enough script to get that done.


naglly.com
 
2012-10-09 12:08:39 PM  

Slaxl: Electromax: If Crystal Skull came out 2nd or 3rd it would be just as beloved as the others. Bunch of adults in here expecting to feel the same vibe as movies they watched for the first time when they were 6.

Temple of Doom is the worst by far, easily. People complain about swinging vines but lame voodoo dolls and blood trance drinks are fine I guess.

You're right in that if it had been contemporaneous with the original 3 it would be liked as much, but you're wrong to insinuate that Temple of Doom might be in any way a bad film.

Is he nuts?
He no nuts, he's crazy!

Antidote...
The antidote to what?
To the poison *chuckle* you just drank, hahaha. >:)

Then you have the whole plane scene, falling on a raft. Great scene because of how even children watch it and go "pfft, no way could they survive that!"

Oh, and the grand dinner scene with the Maharaja, insects, monkey brains, eye balls. Great stuff.

Fortune n' glory kid, fortune n' glory.


Let me be clear that I consider the "worst Indiana Jones film" to be wholly different than "a bad film". It's like saying my least favorite sex position - there are pros and cons but in the end you're still getting laid.

I just get sort of bummed when the thread starts off with a bunch of "what 4th movie" jokes as if it's demonstrably unworthy of the others, as I think ToD would've gotten a similar reaction if it was the 4th movie. I think they're all a blast a different times and I had fun watching Crystal Skull.

The heart-ripping scene, the conveyor belt fight, the mine cart chase, the rope bridge... I don't like the sidekicks but I'll watch ToD for those scenes alone. I just think it's easily the worst Indy movie for me. I'm also that same guy who will point out the scenes in Episode I and II that I like rather than complaining about Jar Jar, so my bar for acceptability is pretty low.
 
2012-10-09 12:19:27 PM  
Ambitwistor:
[naglly.com image 740x170]

This comic holds true for Highlander as well.
 
2012-10-09 12:26:09 PM  
TFA made me smile. I enjoyed it muchly.

raerae1980: Is this where I whine about not finding a job in archaeology? No? Carry on then.

/Wish they'd make a 4th too


STILL? Damn, girl. Thought you'd actually managed to get a so-so job sometime last year. But my memory's not good for faceless internet folks.
 
2012-10-09 12:48:42 PM  

Straight to doom: On the Side: Straight to doom: IT DOES EXIST FARKERS. YOU MUST ACCEPT IT'S EXISTENCE. AND IT WAS GOOD.

Shut your whore mouth!

NEVER! IT'S EXISTENCE WILL NEVER DIE. WE HAVE PROOF.



shut up shut up SHUT UP!!!!
cdn2.holytaco.com
 
2012-10-09 01:29:30 PM  

entropic_existence: Funny but way too "modern." I think there was a lot of archeology that bordered on "unabashed grave robbing" in the 20's and 30's.


They were too busy shouldering "The White Man's Burden" of ill gotten loot to bother with preserving the history of indigenous cultures.
 
2012-10-09 01:30:40 PM  

DSF6969: This comic holds true for Highlander as well.


Take your pick:

Highlander 2: The Sickening

or

Highlander 2: There Should Have Been Only One
 
2012-10-09 01:56:03 PM  
The funniest part of the letter is that when you are denied tenure they don't give you any reason until you lawyer up ...
 
2012-10-09 02:00:49 PM  

entropic_existence: Funny but way too "modern." I think there was a lot of archeology that bordered on "unabashed grave robbing" in the 20's and 30's.


Some of the best museum collections have a significant founding in the massive unabashed grave robbing of that time. I'm not saying it's right... I'm just saying it's nice to look at. :P
 
2012-10-09 02:05:55 PM  

entropic_existence: Funny but way too "modern." I think there was a lot of archeology that bordered on "unabashed grave robbing" in the 20's and 30's.


By then archaeology had kind of cleaned up their act. Still not acceptable by our standards, but miles beyond the antiquarians (or Indy). The only actual archaeology done in any of the films is done by the Nazis. They were using using principles of science, systematic excavation, documentation, mapping, etc. Belloq clearly knew how to run a dig when he felt like it.

/I like to look at the movies as over the top period pieces
//meaning aliens weren't the problem with a 1950s/cold war movie. Tarzan Shia and nuclear fridges were.
 
2012-10-09 02:13:57 PM  

Ambitwistor: DSF6969: This comic holds true for Highlander as well.

Take your pick:

Highlander 2: The Sickening

or

Highlander 2: There Should Have Been Only One


Highlander 2: The Other Films and the TV Show Were a Bad Dream: Here's the Cartoon. Enjoy.
 
2012-10-09 02:17:18 PM  

Aidan: entropic_existence: Funny but way too "modern." I think there was a lot of archeology that bordered on "unabashed grave robbing" in the 20's and 30's.

Some of the best museum collections have a significant founding in the massive unabashed grave robbing of that time. I'm not saying it's right... I'm just saying it's nice to look at. :P


Oh I totally agree. We wouldn't have the Egyptian collections we have all over the world today if the Brits and French hadn't hauled everything out they could get their hands on over a period of about 100 years or so.
 
2012-10-09 02:36:44 PM  

nucal: The funniest part of the letter is that when you are denied tenure they don't give you any reason until you lawyer up ...


Indiana Jones doesn't need a lawyer, he'll beat one up and put on his uniform.
 
2012-10-09 03:50:12 PM  

Electromax: Temple of Doom is the worst by far, easily.


You, sir, are a fool.
 
2012-10-09 04:13:12 PM  
Ok time for the official fark list of "movies which had NO sequels"
Feel free to add

The Matrix
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Highlander


Exception: alien and aliens
 
2012-10-09 04:42:31 PM  

Metaluna Mutant: Ok time for the official fark list of "movies which had NO sequels"
Feel free to add

The Matrix
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Highlander


Exception: alien and aliens


Chinatown
Jaws

Exception: godfather part I and II
 
2012-10-09 04:49:24 PM  

pute kisses like a man: Metaluna Mutant: Ok time for the official fark list of "movies which had NO sequels"
Feel free to add

The Matrix
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Highlander


Exception: alien and aliens

Chinatown
Jaws

Exception: godfather part I and II


Major League
Caddyshack

Exception: Beverly Hills Cop 2
 
2012-10-09 05:25:08 PM  

Metaluna Mutant: Ok time for the official fark list of "movies which had NO sequels"
Feel free to add

The Matrix
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Highlander


Exception: alien and aliens


Am I the only one who liked the full matrix trilogy? I mean, what is it that people are so butthurt over?

/I didn't have an issue with the Mass Effect 3 ending, either.
 
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