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(Fark)   Subby found out his wife was pregnant this morning. (Expected and planned.) Breeders: What's the one piece of advice you WISH you could have had on day one regarding your impending crotchfruit?   (fark.com) divider line 792
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4792 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Oct 2012 at 11:34 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-08 02:49:07 PM  
And yet another: don't be afraid to put the baby down and leave the room if it won't stop crying and nothing is working. Babies, just like everyone else, have their bad-mood days. Do NOT assume you have full control of them. And get used to them crying...it's not emotional on their part, so don't let it get you overly emotional either.
 
2012-10-08 02:49:10 PM  
My #1 piece of advice:

Get mentally prepared for the fact that this small things will be totally dependent on you and, because of this, you will have to learn to put your needs and wants at a lower priority than theirs.

Nearly any need of the baby is greater than any need you have. Most of their needs are also above your wants.

Get used to the idea that, for the first couple of years in particular, your main function in life is to take care of this baby even at the exclusion of everything else.
 
2012-10-08 02:50:34 PM  

rushthatspeaks: So, who's the father?


Fb-

Duh.
 
2012-10-08 02:53:03 PM  

abfalter: My #1 piece of advice:

Get mentally prepared for the fact that this small things will be totally dependent on you and, because of this, you will have to learn to put your needs and wants at a lower priority than theirs.

Nearly any need of the baby is greater than any need you have. Most of their needs are also above your wants.

Get used to the idea that, for the first couple of years in particular, your main function in life is to take care of this baby even at the exclusion of everything else.


Jesus, it's not that bad. It's possible to maintain some semblance of a life. I'd argue it's even important.
 
2012-10-08 02:54:01 PM  
Send 1st adult alone to the grocery, drugstore, etc. with a clearly written list, and phone on.
Leave 2nd adult home with the kid(s) - shopping is quicker and more relaxing without them.

/no kids, but plenty of young relatives
//farkers in this thread marveling at your kid snuggling into your neck?... did you never, ever babysit?
 
2012-10-08 02:54:48 PM  
Shut the hell up about it. No seriously.. congrats and all, but no one gives a fark and as special as you think you might be most of the population of the world has done it before.

Coming from a father of 2, I hate it when I hear MYSELF start to talk about my kids. peoples eyes roll back in their heads "Oh not this shiat again" if they ask then tell them but if they dont ask then keep the poopy anecdotes to yourself and just enjoy it without dragging everyone else into it.
 
2012-10-08 02:55:53 PM  

orbister: Oh dear. Having said that you shouldn't listen to advice, I keep giving it. Oh, what the hell. Here's another.

Baby slings are wonderful. They give the father a chance to get something of the same physical bonding as the mother, and are also very, very much easier than a pushchair. Get a good one, though, because there is some awkward rubbish out there. I used a Baby Bjorn and it was without doubt the best bit of baby equipment we had. Goes on in seconds, lasts the first year (three months facing in, nice months facing out) and extremely comfortable for both parties.

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 280x280]


Yep. I will say those things make a guy look stupid as hell, but damn if they aren't a lot of fun. Plus you get all sorts of ladies smiling in your direction and you can pretend it's not at the baby.
 
2012-10-08 02:56:24 PM  
Two things I learned from my one (so far) kid:

1) Even if you plan on breastfeeding (well, your wife, but you know what I mean) : Keep some of those little ready-to-use formula containers on hand. My kid had trouble latching, and we went crazy for the first couple days trying to get him to eat (or be able to eat). At 3 am, when he's obviously hungry as hell but unable to latch on to eat, the formula was a life-saver.

2) Different baby shapes fit different diapers. For example, Huggies leak like a sieve for our did, but work fine for our friends' kid. You may have to try different brands. If you're lucky like we were, the store-brand diapers from Target or Costco fit well. Also, try NOT to buy diapers from the grocery store if you can swing it - they always seem a lot more expensive than going to Target or even Babies-R-Us.

3) Try to tell your family and friends to buy 6-12month clothes.Otherwise, you'll wind up with so many newborn and infant clothes that you may not be able to use them all, and when the little person gets a bit older, you'll find yourself needing to shell out a lot of $.

4) Everyone will tell you "If you need anything, tell us!" Take advantage of that and tell them to deliver you pre-made frozen meals that you can pop in the microwave and be eating 10 minutes later. Seriously, our friends made us about 2 weeks of yummy stuff and oh my god I don't know how we would have survived without that.

5) Get your drink on right now. After about the 6 month of pregnancy mark, you won't be going out much anymore.
 
2012-10-08 02:57:23 PM  

TheOriginalEd: Shut the hell up about it. No seriously.. congrats and all, but no one gives a fark and as special as you think you might be most of the population of the world has done it before.

Coming from a father of 2, I hate it when I hear MYSELF start to talk about my kids. peoples eyes roll back in their heads "Oh not this shiat again" if they ask then tell them but if they dont ask then keep the poopy anecdotes to yourself and just enjoy it without dragging everyone else into it.


I like hearing peoples' poopy anecdotes. Explosive excrement mishaps are ALWAYS amusing.
 
2012-10-08 02:58:40 PM  
My wife and I have a fixer-upper which we plan to start filling with miniature units in a few years, and every time we redo a room, we replace the outlets with tamper-resistant ones. Takes two minutes.
 
2012-10-08 02:59:04 PM  

orbister: You need a what? As I wrote up there ^^^ somewhere, what you need is fleece liners, off which even the stickiest ... erm, product will slide as if off a shovel.


I hear you, but the spray-nozzle hose for the toilet comes in handy during potty training, however. It is also good for cleaning out the receiving tank of the carpet cleaner. Also, our liners are moisture-wicking cloth by SoftBuns and the money's been spent!

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: And yet another: don't be afraid to put the baby down and leave the room if it won't stop crying and nothing is working.


Plus a twist on this: you can put the baby down rather than trying to do everything one-handed. But you can only put the baby down on the FLOOR or something purposely designed for baby. Enjoy this while you can, as the luxury disappears when they learn to crawl.
 
2012-10-08 03:01:32 PM  
Don't let your wife buy all the baby crap, you don't need 80% of it. If she likes shopping (haha "if"), she will break your bank account. Get the basics and don't get deluxe, elite anything, just basic stroller, breast pump, etc. because the baby will outgrow all of it quickly and it will be useless unless you are having more kids.
 
2012-10-08 03:02:56 PM  

Big Ramifications: Do not leave your laptop books lying around. They rip the keys off the keyboard pages and covers...


/old school
//Laptop advice is good too... ;)
 
2012-10-08 03:03:09 PM  

War_Kittens: If she likes shopping (haha "if"),


I love reminders that I am the luckiest man in the world.
 
2012-10-08 03:03:38 PM  
I just had one in July. My one piece of advice is this: Only partially take seriously anything you learn from anybody about babies. Every baby is different and yours will not be an exception. Nothing anybody says about behavior will fully apply to your kid.

That said, my other advice:
- Pampers swaddlers for newborns are the way to go for the first few weeks.
- Go with cloth diapers after that for daytime, and a disposable for at night. A $400 investment in a couple dozen GOOD cloth diapers (like bumGenius All-in-ones) and you're all set. They grow with your kid, and seriously, it isn't that bad.
- Nobody can prepare you for how tired you'll be.
- You will say things to and about your child while they won't shut up in the middle of the night that you won't even want to tell your closest friends.
- Buy a motion/breathing monitor that clips to their diaper for while they sleep. SIDS would be a beyotch and this will help you sleep better at night. A $90 insurance policy for a priceless being. Search amazon for Snuza Go.
 
2012-10-08 03:03:44 PM  

factoryconnection: SacriliciousBeerSwiller: And yet another: don't be afraid to put the baby down and leave the room if it won't stop crying and nothing is working.

Plus a twist on this: you can put the baby down rather than trying to do everything one-handed. But you can only put the baby down on the FLOOR or something purposely designed for baby. Enjoy this while you can, as the luxury disappears when they learn to crawl.


Yeah. I swear it's like they teleport...and the fact that they aren't old enough to realize that crawling off underneath a chair in the other room is entirely irrational and illogical makes for some fun times.

"Honey...I, uh...lost...*sigh*"
 
2012-10-08 03:07:20 PM  

jbuist: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: Don't tell anyone until around week 16. Miscarriages are a biatch.

Yep. Subby, there's a 20% chance of miscarriage before week 12. After that 5% of pregnancies still result in miscarriage.


Sadly, THIS

It just happened to me and my wife... baby was 8 weeks. Now it is no more... :'(
 
2012-10-08 03:09:43 PM  
You'll never be fully prepared, but there are a lot of things you can do to help.
Tell your wife you love her.
Buy diapers in advance.
Buy some formula, too.
It's okay to not breastfeed.
As soon as you know the gender, paint the nursery.
Start a college fund.
Tell your wife again that you love her.
Get a good camera, and use it a LOT.
Get one of those microwave bottle sterilizing things, they actually work pretty well.
First week of poop is killer, it gets easier.
Take as many of the nightly feedings as you can. Not only will you allow your wife to sleep, but you'll get bonding with the little one.
Write your little one a letter telling him/her how excited you are. Give the letter to him/her at some milestone in the future.
Grandma will survive without seeing the baby whenever she wants to.
As someone said, learn to swaddle.
Changing diapers are a piece of cake.
The first night the baby sleeps all the way thru, you'll wake up in a panic and run across the house.
You will find yourself watching your baby sleeping. As much as you do it, you'll still miss it in a year or two.
 
2012-10-08 03:11:50 PM  
Congrats!

Here's my two cents from a dad of two years...

Ninety percent of the stuff marketed at you is unnecessary.

Things you really need:
- car seat
- stroller
- boppy pillow (if your wife plans to nurse)
- diapers (cleaning wipes options, my wife stopped using them)
- some baby bottles (even if your nursing, you'll want to have them)
- pjs and simple clothes

My wife nursed our daughter and we got by on those things for almost a year. Of course, we all slept on the floor (in Japan) so we didn't need to think about a crib, but a bed can work if you have a way to prevent rolling off.
 
2012-10-08 03:11:57 PM  
Having been there a few times with only one child... I agree that you REALLY want to wait until week 12 to tell anyone. No sadness compares to having to go tell everyone else that now you are not having a child. At least not yet. Sadness seemed to usually happen around 8-10 weeks for us. I am of the camp that says to get the breathing/movement monitor. Look around and at reviews. Its not a must but can be cheap insurance.
 
2012-10-08 03:12:40 PM  
First step, grow up.

Using "Breeder" and "Crotchfruit" means you have some ways to go.
 
2012-10-08 03:15:32 PM  

Vertdang: Start stocking up on Iron Maiden Toddler T-Shirts RIGHT NOW. Buy a pack or 2 every paycheck. You'll be glad you have that out of the way, when you need money for other things.

 
2012-10-08 03:20:51 PM  

a.mcleland: I just had one in July. My one piece of advice is this: Only partially take seriously anything you learn from anybody about babies. Every baby is different and yours will not be an exception. Nothing anybody says about behavior will fully apply to your kid.

That said, my other advice:
- Pampers swaddlers for newborns are the way to go for the first few weeks.
- Go with cloth diapers after that for daytime, and a disposable for at night. A $400 investment in a couple dozen GOOD cloth diapers (like bumGenius All-in-ones) and you're all set. They grow with your kid, and seriously, it isn't that bad.
- Nobody can prepare you for how tired you'll be.
- You will say things to and about your child while they won't shut up in the middle of the night that you won't even want to tell your closest friends.
- Buy a motion/breathing monitor that clips to their diaper for while they sleep. SIDS would be a beyotch and this will help you sleep better at night. A $90 insurance policy for a priceless being. Search amazon for Snuza Go.


My only real bone to pick(well,except for cloth vs disposable, but whatever) is the baby monitor. Unless your doctor say's it's cool, I would seriously question putting anything in the crib at first.
 
2012-10-08 03:23:21 PM  
If you can buy something used, do so. Take the remainder of the money form that purchase and set it aside to invest for a rainy day, college fund, etc. You will be surprised at how much money you can save buying used.

Craigslist is your friend.

You already have a changing table at your house. It is called the "floor" and works very well.

Learn CPR / Heimlich manuver. I have done the Heimlich on one of my kids and a neighbors kid and having this knowledge was literally a lifesaver.

Others have recommended a cleaning service and I echo this however, ask others / your family to contribute to this rather buy baby gifts that the ankle biter will grow out of in a matter of hours.

If you get a gift from someone, make sure you get a receipt / gift receipt for that purchase.

Do not buy any piece of clothing that is marked 0-3 months. it is an absolute waste of time and money.

Grandparents will likely be thrilled with the news. Set limits and boundaries and enforce them. Nothing like a MIL calling at 2:30 in the morning to see how the "new addition" is adjusting.

Your wife is your partner raising this kid and it is a 50/50 operation. Always back each other up, enforce limits, and allow each other to make mistakes which you will do, but here is the little secret: You're supposed to make mistakes.

There are a thousand books and experts about raising kids however, you both are doing the raising, not the authors, experts, or your friends and family.

Love your wife and allow her the chance to love the way her body is about to change. You both may never see it again.

Take pictures of the little one when he/she shows up but also take pictures of the wife as she changes. I took pics of the wife, same side pose every month, and now looking back, the changes are pretty amazing.

Attend every doctors appointment that you can.
 
2012-10-08 03:24:49 PM  

taglius: Your job is to turn them into an adult, not to make them like you.


This ca not be repeated often enough. My ex was so fixated on being her daughter's best friend, that she was incapable of being a mother when the girl needed it the most. The result, a drug obsessed, slutty, high school drop out. From what little information I've received since we divorced, my ex doesn't even know where her daughter is anymore (she turned 22 recently).

/I was the evil step-father
 
2012-10-08 03:25:07 PM  
Remember that for millennia all a baby needed was a skin to be wrapped in.

Don't get caught up in buying piles of stuff and carting it around with you all the time.

Strollers are a waste of money. You're better off carrying the baby, and by the time it's too big to carry all the time it can walk.
 
2012-10-08 03:26:13 PM  

bludemos: jbuist: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: Don't tell anyone until around week 16. Miscarriages are a biatch.

Yep. Subby, there's a 20% chance of miscarriage before week 12. After that 5% of pregnancies still result in miscarriage.

Sadly, THIS

It just happened to me and my wife... baby was 8 weeks. Now it is no more... :'(


Oh so sorry! Been there - that sucks! Hugs to you! My unsolicited advice - parents mourn miscarriages differently and this is fine. One of you may get over it relatively easily while the other one has a much harder time. It can be hard on the marriage if you both don't accept and respect that there is nothing wrong with either way. If someone needs to mourn, truly mourn in ways that might seem weird to the other one, don't judge. Support it and go with it. I admit - I named mine. I attended a support group for months. I saved the few things (sono, my hospital tags) that represented the baby to me. My husband was not with me on this at all. He didn't understand why I was so sad for so long. It was a potential to him. It was my baby to me. It was hard on our marriage until we got to the point that we understood that our reaction was different but equally fine.

My mom and grandma, who'd been there, helped with that a lot. My mom bought me a necklace with a gold angel-baby charm, and that meant the world to me.

Shortly before she died, she asked me to write the baby's name in the Big Family Bible in with the other births and deaths. I didn't, but just that she asked, that she recognized my baby as a baby and not just a failed pregnancy, meant everything to me.

Follow eachothers' lead, and be as sad or as not sad as you need to be. Respect eachother.

And realize that future pregnancies will be farking scary as hell. Be prepared that she may be even more nuts than normal preggos. Or not. Whichever - be supportive and accepting. Just know that the healthy baby will be even more special when it is at home with you.

Not that you asked...
 
2012-10-08 03:33:21 PM  

SacriliciousBeerSwiller:
I like hearing peoples' poopy anecdotes. Explosive excrement mishaps are ALWAYS amusing.


THIS! As a dad I, and some friends, have at least weekly talks around the coffee pot about the insane shiat that kids do or cause to happen to you. None of the cutesie stuff, i'm talking explosive diarreah right as the diaper comes off stuff. It's great to know you aren't the only one who gets pwned by their child from time to time.
 
2012-10-08 03:33:21 PM  
When you finally get to the point where you can leave the baby with someone for an evening, take your wife out to a nice restaurant or dancing or both. At this point you both are going to be in serious need of a little "me" time. Do NOT call the babysitter every 30 minutes to check up. She has your cell number. She'll call if something comes up.
 
2012-10-08 03:33:26 PM  
Someone want to sum the thread up for me?
 
2012-10-08 03:35:52 PM  
At the first opportunity, open a roth IRA account in their name.

Whenever you have some extra cash, drop it in there.

Pick a safe investment, I'm partial to Vanguard index funds.
 
2012-10-08 03:37:42 PM  

honeygrl: Someone want to sum the thread up for me?


42
 
2012-10-08 03:38:22 PM  
Shortly before the due date go out and buy a bunch of paper plates and plastic cups & utensils. You won't have to worry about washing dishes (except for baby bottles, if you go that route) for a couple of weeks. Just one less thing to worry about while you, your wife, and baby get settled into your new routines.
 
2012-10-08 03:38:49 PM  

honeygrl: Someone want to sum the thread up for me?


Dude's wife is about to have a baby.

A bunch of us already have them.

There will be poop.
 
2012-10-08 03:40:51 PM  

bludemos: jbuist: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: Don't tell anyone until around week 16. Miscarriages are a biatch.

Yep. Subby, there's a 20% chance of miscarriage before week 12. After that 5% of pregnancies still result in miscarriage.

Sadly, THIS

It just happened to me and my wife... baby was 8 weeks. Now it is no more... :'(


That happened to my wife and me in January (Baby was 11 weeks) -- and now she's given birth to a girl. (2 months premature, after having a seizure at the hospital due to pre-eclampsia/eclampsia, both wife and kid seem to be doing as well as can be expected-- that is, nobody seems too worried about it.) It's not the end of the world, although it is really, really depressing...
 
2012-10-08 03:41:49 PM  

Cybernetic: honeygrl: Someone want to sum the thread up for me?

Dude's wife is about to have a baby.

A bunch of us already have them.

There will be poop.


You mean people stayed on topic for over 500 posts?
 
2012-10-08 03:45:08 PM  
Two words:


SMOKING HOT NANNY
 
2012-10-08 03:45:29 PM  

Cybernetic: honeygrl: Someone want to sum the thread up for me?

Dude's wife is about to have a baby.

A bunch of us already have them.

There will be poop.


And puke. Don't forget that.
 
2012-10-08 03:45:40 PM  

DoBeDoBeDo: Every child is different, never compare your child to others. Plus those parents who never have any issues and their kids are the greatest things in the world........are farking lying. If you have a legitimate concern talk to a health professional or you'll worry yourself to death.

It's equally tough as it is enjoyable at first, then you learn to go with the flow.


We have a winner!

The rest of you can STFU now.
 
2012-10-08 03:45:57 PM  

honeygrl: Cybernetic: honeygrl: Someone want to sum the thread up for me?

Dude's wife is about to have a baby.

A bunch of us already have them.

There will be poop.

You mean people stayed on topic for over 500 posts?


I can hardly believe it myself.
 
2012-10-08 03:45:59 PM  

prickly pete v2: Cybernetic: honeygrl: Someone want to sum the thread up for me?

Dude's wife is about to have a baby.

A bunch of us already have them.

There will be poop.

And puke. Don't forget that.


And pee in your hair at some point.
 
2012-10-08 03:46:25 PM  

lostcat: Congrats!

Here's my two cents from a dad of two years...

Ninety percent of the stuff marketed at you is unnecessary.

Things you really need:
- car seat
- stroller
- boppy pillow (if your wife plans to nurse)
- diapers (cleaning wipes options, my wife stopped using them)
- some baby bottles (even if your nursing, you'll want to have them)
- pjs and simple clothes

My wife nursed our daughter and we got by on those things for almost a year. Of course, we all slept on the floor (in Japan) so we didn't need to think about a crib, but a bed can work if you have a way to prevent rolling off.


I came here to say this. If people (family) want to help you, ask for the consumables and clothing your baby can wear later on.
 
2012-10-08 03:46:52 PM  
just try not to kill the thing, you idiot.


jk/great adventure!
 
2012-10-08 03:47:15 PM  
When it comes time the little crotchfruit starts eating solid food, but is still in diapers do not....and I cannot stress this enough....EVER give them anything with poppy seeds on it. Seriously....words cannot express how horrible this can be. The combination of runny poo and poppy seeds is a messy and frustrating experience that cannot be solved with a washcloth alone. It requires fingernails and patience.
 
2012-10-08 03:47:50 PM  
I have two daughters and twin boys. Right now, they are all under the age of three. Nobody can let you in on the insanity that become parenting. However, I have found that the more you play with toddlers, the more they are willing to do as you ask them. Yelling and demanding never seem to earn the result I want.
Also: Please don't let them grow up indoors. Get them out, and get them in the dirt. They will thank you for it.
 
2012-10-08 03:49:43 PM  
Always pad your departure time when going somewhere by at least 30 minutes because at some point in time, when you're all dressed and ready to go. The baby will spit up on your clothing, requiring at minimum a new shirt. But other times a complete change of clothes. And if baby is leaving with you. It will need to be changed too.
 
2012-10-08 03:52:19 PM  
If you have any home improvement projects underway, you have about three months to get them done. After that, your house is going to be in the same state it is now, only messier.
 
2012-10-08 03:54:33 PM  

War_Kittens: Don't let your wife buy all the baby crap, you don't need 80% of it. If she likes shopping (haha "if"), she will break your bank account. Get the basics and don't get deluxe, elite anything, just basic stroller, breast pump, etc. because the baby will outgrow all of it quickly and it will be useless unless you are having more kids.


My wife would take exception to the comment about the pump. We bought a cheap pump ($100 isn't cheap to me, but that's a relative term I guess) at Target that almost caused her to give up on breastfeeding completely. We rented the nice Medela pump from the hospital which made a huge difference. I ended up dropping $300 (I told you $100 is cheap) on a Medela pump, but it allowed my wife to continue breastfeeding at home and pumping while she was at work. She breastfed our first for 12 months and our second is due at the end of December. Based on the ridiculous price for a can of formula, the Medela pump has more than paid for itself.
 
2012-10-08 03:54:57 PM  
My advice:

Have some cabbage in the fridge when your wife gets home from the hospital. The leaves will feel amazing in her bra when her boobs get engorged with milk.
 
2012-10-08 03:55:12 PM  
reading this thread has shown me that not having children is definitely the right decision. Half of these comments are horrific disgusting stories about cleaning up human poop. Why anyone would want to have kids is beyond me.
 
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