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(Fark)   Subby found out his wife was pregnant this morning. (Expected and planned.) Breeders: What's the one piece of advice you WISH you could have had on day one regarding your impending crotchfruit?   (fark.com) divider line 792
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4786 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Oct 2012 at 11:34 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-08 02:03:15 PM

indarwinsshadow: SIDS has an unknown cause. You can do everything right, and still end up in hell. Get the monitor.

4 months. 3 days. Jan 14th. 1999


Whoa, whoa! I wasn't the one that joked about "weeding out the weak ones." I said that the monitors provide a non-stop deluge of false positives, even the hospital ones, which doesn't help in the long run.

Also: I can't imagine what that was to go through, or what you still are carrying inside today. Seriously my heart goes out to you.

namegoeshere: Also: YOU CAN NOT SPOIL AN INFANT. The sooner you respond to their needs in the first months, the more low maintenance they will be later on.


This. Cuddle the f*ck out of that thing. They get big really quickly.
 
2012-10-08 02:03:42 PM
Don't tell people for the first few months, just in case the pregnancy doesn't go as planned.
 
2012-10-08 02:04:32 PM
It gets better.
 
2012-10-08 02:04:33 PM
Boppy body for mom
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

Boppy newborn for crotchfruits first few months
di1-2.shoppingshadow.com

Boppy normal for after
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-10-08 02:06:58 PM
My advice: Put up a poster in the nursery that says:
Hungry
Wet
Tired

I was so sleep-deprived that I was not able to hold all three of those items in my head at once. "Well, he's either hungry, wet, or tired, but he just woke up and I just changed him... so what the fark is he crying about?"

I called this list my "crib sheet."
 
2012-10-08 02:07:05 PM
I've been in pediatrics for twenty-five years. Of the infants who have died from SIDS in my practice, all of them did so in their parents bed. Never sleep with your infant.

Also, never try to make a child eat peas. They throw up too easily.
 
2012-10-08 02:08:07 PM
I wish someone would have told me this, even though I'm sure I wouldn't have believed them at the time: You will have two children. Your wife will develop a mental illness that she will refuse to have treated because she will claim that she's not crazy, it's everyone else around her that has a problem. One day while you're at work, she will take all the money that you have saved, abduct your children and go into hiding in another state, falsely claiming she has been abused to receive all sorts of public benefits. It will take you a year to find them and another year to drag her through the court system to get custody of your children. In the end you and your children will be broke but happy. Bottom line: Put your children's best interests first. They will be the most important things in your life.
 
2012-10-08 02:08:39 PM
If you get into the Cloth v. Disposable discussion with your wife:
1. Disposables
PRO: Convenient, no washing, unbeatable for travel.
CON: Ugly, will more expensive in the long run, don't breathe well and we saw a LOT more diaper rash

2. Cloth
PRO: Adorably cute (like overwhelming at times), they breathe better, and provide good cushion for falls
CON: The up-front expense, the washing, and you need a sprayer nozzle for the toilet

We are very happy with cloth after two kids' worth of disposables, but the edge is primarily the prevention of diaper rash and cuteness.
 
2012-10-08 02:08:45 PM

RatOmeter: Falin: Falin: As the father of 4 children ranging from 15 to 7 years old, there is one piece of advice that I wish I had never gotten, as it cause me more frustration and pain than anything else that happened while raising my kids.

DON'T TAKE ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN FROM OTHER PEOPLE.FARKERS

It's a waste of time. You will be better off figuring things out for yourselves.

Bah, this doesn't make sense. You know what I mean.

No, I liked it... It sounded ultra-meta.

 
2012-10-08 02:09:24 PM

EdNortonsTwin: My 2.5 y/o has had this nagging barking cough for over two weeks and doctors won't give me anything for it.

We can't sleep; my daughter is miserable; she hardly eats; losing weight - any advice?

/Other than strangling the Dr which I want to do.


Steam baths and/or get a personal steamer, put it in front of the TV and have him breathe into it. It'll loosen things up. My parents used it for my brothers severe asthma and allergies.

You may want to make a hot toddy as well, but a little bit of whiskey in it to soothe the throat.

Daughter may not be sleeping and possibly sick. A stomach virus maybe?
 
2012-10-08 02:11:00 PM
Also, been stated already but bears repeating. Clothe diapers, whether you use them as diapers or not, should be stationed all over the house. They are excellent for burp clothes and general wiping up. And you will have lots of wiping up to do.
 
2012-10-08 02:11:03 PM

madgonad: Get on a schedule.

It makes everything much easier. If one of you is a night owl and the other is a morning person - use that to your advantage. Share the responsibilities.

Oh, and get the Diaper Champ instead of the Diaper Genie. It seals everything up into a regular kitchen trash bad - which you won't run out of. Those strings of Diaper Genie turds frequently fail and cost tons of money.


This a thousand times. No moving parts either. We just had the second kid and we drug out the Diaper Champ we used with the first one (he's 5 now)

P.S. - enjoy the second trimester sex. It is the best sex.

This too. But also remember 6 weeks of nothing after the baby is born. Treat the wife really nice and make time for her and good times will come to all after the 6 week hiatus.
 
2012-10-08 02:11:06 PM

imasig: vrax: orbister: As for bad habits ... what bad habits? Are we talking Sandusky here?

Like they never want to sleep in their own bed. Having seen this happen, it's bad news. Put them in their own bed. The apart time is important for both child and parent.

Also realize that reason there is even a discussion on this is because they might not want to sleep all alone in their crib to begin with. So it's easy to say put them in their own bed but if they start screaming the second they hit the bed and then fall asleep the second they make contact with you again you can see why a lot of people allow them to sleep in bed with them.

So yeah it's probably best to sleep alone but you will have to be ready to sleep even less and really work to get them to that point. Or it might not be an issue at all. They may sleep fine by themselves. Mine does not, and it's a constant battle of picking him up and comforting him and then putting him back down in hopes that he might be in a deep enough sleep to go a couple of hours on his own.


Definitely. Being aware is the most important thing. If they start to be unable to sleep alone in their own bed, correct it ASAP. You don't want to end up with a mobile child who will only sleep with you in your bed.
 
2012-10-08 02:12:42 PM

DeathByGeekSquad: Don't tell people for the first few months, just in case the pregnancy doesn't go as planned.


well, maybe don't tell the mail man and the clerk at your grocery store, but I say tell friends and family. We did that and then lost one. And then did it again and lost another one. If they can't handle the facts of life and our reality then maybe we really aren't even friends.

And no one ever said "That is sad. I wish you wouldn't have told me so you can through the sadness of this loss on your own."
 
2012-10-08 02:13:30 PM
Best advice that will apply at all times:

Bring a towel
Don't panic
 
2012-10-08 02:14:04 PM

vrax:

Definitely. Being aware is the most important thing. If they start to be unable to sleep alone in their own bed, correct it ASAP. You don't want to end up with a mobile child who will only sleep with you in your bed.


how do you know we want?
 
2012-10-08 02:14:48 PM
Bath every night - best advice I ever got. Tires 'em out and they sleep most of the night.

Plug 'em into Mom when they wake and you get some more sleep
 
2012-10-08 02:15:59 PM

cfreak:
P.S. - enjoy the second trimester sex. It is the best sex.

This too. But also remember 6 weeks of nothing after the baby is born. Treat the wife really nice and make time for her and good times will come to all after the 6 week hiatus.


But plz plz plz do not get down on your wife if she is not ready for secksy time right on the 6 week dot. She will be exhausted, and her body will still feel off, flubby, gloopy, and out of shape - generally unsecksy. If she is breastfeeding, the boobies will be sore and leaky. She will be worried that you will notice a big difference down there. Give her time, and be supportive and loving. Don't force or pressure.

Take lots of showers. Help yourself out there.
 
2012-10-08 02:16:10 PM

MisterSocksFox: My advice: Put up a poster in the nursery that says:
Hungry
Wet
Tired
Gassy
Cold


I was so sleep-deprived that I was not able to hold all three of those items in my head at once. "Well, he's either hungry, wet, or tired, but he just woke up and I just changed him... so what the fark is he crying about?"

I called this list my "crib sheet."


FTFM. If the baby awoke at night, I figured out that if I eliminated gassy (belly massage and football hold), cold (if it had squirmed out of swaddle/clothes) and wet (diaper check) I could avoid unnecessarily waking momma for food. Beyond those three, it is boob time.

If it is any other part of the day, yeah consider "tired." That's it, though... they're creatures of simple desires. I had solo care of both my first two kids from infancy through ages 4 and 2 in the evenings because of my wife's work schedule, so I eventually figured out and then got proficient with the checklist.

Note: you'll know if your baby is gassy in general; they don't hold back.
 
2012-10-08 02:17:31 PM

busy chillin': vrax:

Definitely. Being aware is the most important thing. If they start to be unable to sleep alone in their own bed, correct it ASAP. You don't want to end up with a mobile child who will only sleep with you in your bed.

how do you know we want?


Well, you could want that. You might be certifiable, but sure, whatever.
 
2012-10-08 02:19:55 PM

orbister: th0th: The baby monitor becomes a Pavlovian device.

I could never see the point of baby monitors? Why arrange things so that an upset baby has to be wake enough to cry to get your attention? If you have her in the room with you or with the bed with you, you can respond to the first snuffle and sooth things down long before you get to full-on bawling stage.


1) You will only want the baby-in-room setup for the first week, tops. Many of the major post-partum issues (aside from true medical complications) will arise in that first week. My wife and I NEVER did baby sleep in bed with us thing, simply because Every. Single. Parent. We knew had a harder time getting their kid to sleep in their bed later on than they did pacifier-breaking and potty training.

2) Eventually you will need to NOT respond to every sniffle and cry to soothe, because as with any learned behavior, it will spoil the child into bringing mom and dad running in just to see if they can. Full-on bawling for a newborn usually meant three things: I'm sitting in my own crap and I don't like it, I'm hungry and need food or I'm sick with an ear infection and need medicine. I drove myself apeshiat doing that the first month, getting up if I even heard the kid whimper, and it turned out to be a healthy, normal infant thing. When they were full-on crying, it was Time to Intervene.

Since my first had chronic ear infections, being able to hear when they were barfing was a needed thing, and by that time they were too big to sleep in the parental room bassinet. The swing (contrary to a doctor's recommendation, with the right pillow, a swing is often the only thing which will allow an ear-infected child to sleep) was often a godsend in those situations.

Also, having a basement home office and a 2nd floor nursery, I wasn't about to do work at night and run up for every little snort the kid made. You learn very quickly to decipher their vocalizations.
 
2012-10-08 02:20:06 PM

imasig: -Don't go bragging about how your kid sleeps 6 hours a night right off the bat. It will change. He is exhausted from being ejected from the womb. Give it a couple weeks then he'll be eating every 3 hours at least if you are formula feeding.


It's all cool when people brag about how their newborn sleeps through the night...

... until the wellness checkup when the Nurse/Doctor says that the baby is really thin & underweight, and that they've been starving the child.
 
2012-10-08 02:20:46 PM
At all costs, stop your wife from looking up medical advice on the internet. Also don't spend the money on a diaper genie, it's a glorified trash can. Buy diapers now, a case everytime you go into the grocery store, if you're not going cloth diapers, it'll save on the sticker shock.
 
2012-10-08 02:20:58 PM

orbister: Don't put the baby in bed with you, it's so dangerous, and it creates bad habits.

Statistically there are no additional dangers in co-sleeping as long as you don't smoke, never share a bed with a baby after even the smallest amount of alcohol, and don't do it if you are particularly tired. As for bad habits ... what bad habits? Are we talking Sandusky here?


It's possible to roll over on a newborn and suffocate it without realizing...not terribly common, but absolutely awful, so probably best to avoid it. By bad habits i mean a kid who won't sleep in their own bed...My friend has a 3 year old who sleeps with them every night...no thank you!
 
2012-10-08 02:23:28 PM
My grandfather gave me advice when we broke the happy news to him. He said, "The best thing to remember is that you don't have to know everything about everything right now. You grow as they grow." Basically, child #1 is a learning curve, and it's ok! Also, the Diaper Genie is a joke. Don't waster your money.
 
2012-10-08 02:26:23 PM

EdNortonsTwin: My 2.5 y/o has had this nagging barking cough for over two weeks and doctors won't give me anything for it.

We can't sleep; my daughter is miserable; she hardly eats; losing weight - any advice?

/Other than strangling the Dr which I want to do.


Buckwheat honey. It's affordable, you can get it in organic/health food stores and there are studies out there to show it is as good as if not better than OTC cough suppressants, most of which are contraindicated now in children due to OD from the suppressants. You can give buckwheat honey as much as you want, kids love the taste (bit thicker than store-bought clover honey, more like molasses) and definitely kicks most of the coughs. Couple it with vaporizer or Vick's rub as well to help sleep.

It was a huge help with my oldest, whose barking cough came from chronic ear infections, and my 2nd son's cough turned out to be asthma. If your doc hasn't tested your daughter for asthma, get it done. They have chewable Singulair (montelukast generic) for the asthma and inhalers as well for other cough times during the day. Good luck.
 
2012-10-08 02:27:08 PM
We got used to a new sleeping schedule that worked well for us: One of you hours to bed at 9:00, the other at 11:00, and you alternate who gets up with the kid. Our daughter woke up ever two hours, so each of us basically got two sets of for hours of sleep in a route.

Do not let the baby sleep in the same room as you.
 
2012-10-08 02:27:32 PM

imasig: So it's easy to say put them in their own bed but if they start screaming the second they hit the bed and then fall asleep the second they make contact with you again you can see why a lot of people allow them to sleep in bed with them.

So yeah it's probably best to sleep alone


I'm sorry, but I think I'm missing something here. If the kid sleeps better with its parents (which is, after all, how babies have evolved to sleep) why on earth would one want to have them apart. In what sense is that "better"?
 
2012-10-08 02:28:48 PM
No matter how tired you are... Never, NEVER fall asleep before putting him/her back into a safe place! The empty place next to you on the couch or on your bed is NEVER a safe place. SIT UP/STAND if you are feeling too tired. You can doze off so fast, and that li'l baby sure is soft and comfortable... Never.

Also, If you decide to go the formula route, buy gallon jugs of purified water at the grocery store. It is sooooo much easier than boiling and saving water in your fridge. ..and cheap too! DOn't forget to sign up on formula websites - they'll send you coupoons - you'll need them. Have friends/family sign up also so you can use those coupons as well - you'll need them. Figure $25-30/week min on formula.

Lastly, don't be self-conscious. Get on the floor and play - of just lay there and let them crawl all over you. Don't worry about what others think. (I took my 3 yr old grandson to Costco in March dressed like Batman. He wanted to, so why not?)

Have fun, and enjoy.
 
2012-10-08 02:30:40 PM

Devo: Don't get a hot au pair.

 
2012-10-08 02:31:00 PM

wiwille: At all costs, stop your wife from looking up medical advice on the internet. Also don't spend the money on a diaper genie, it's a glorified trash can. Buy diapers now, a case everytime you go into the grocery store, if you're not going cloth diapers, it'll save on the sticker shock.


The problem (I found) with a Diaper Genie is all in how you load the refill canisters, and there's a right way and a wrong way. Fitted properly, it will tie and seal off the diaper and create the necessary sealed chain of poo, and done improperly is indeed a glorified trash can. The cheaper option, which I forgot to mention earlier, is little plastic doggy poo baggies from the dollar stores. Put the diaper in, evacuate the air, tie it shut then knot it. If you have a trashcan with a lid you then have an ersatz Diaper Genie.
 
2012-10-08 02:31:36 PM

cgraves67: If you try to do everything perfectly per the books and all that, you'll lose your mind. It's ok to cut corners every now and then. A friend had a baby that would only sleep on her stomach for the first year. She didn't die of SIDS. Advice like 'always put your baby on its back' is meant to tick the national infant mortality rate down by .01%. Most kids won't be at risk from violating that rule occasionally. Use your own instincts.

The baby's grandparents are going to become very annoying. Also very useful.

Do not fail to spend time A) with the baby, B) with your spouse, and C) for yourself. Balance between them will preserve your sanity.

No amount of baby-proofing is perfect, but it doesn't have to be. If you are solely relying on baby-proofing, you aren't doing your job.

Germs are ok in moderation. They can help your baby develop an immune system.

Bumbos/walkers/exersaucers/swings/bouncers are great and useful products, but are not a replacement for watching your baby.


Stomach-sleeping babies are actually really common. I don't have a vast amount of evidence, but I haven't found a baby yet in my small group of coworkers and friends that could sleep on their back.

Also sleeping in the parents bed probably isn't all that bad if the baby is big, and the parents aren't drunk.
 
2012-10-08 02:32:18 PM
There's some nice co-sleeper things that you can put right next to the bed if you want the baby in the room/right next to your wife.

We liked the Arm's Reach co-sleeper thing a lot, but YMMV. It's totally unnecessary, like a lot of baby things, but it was perfect for us & what we wanted.
 
2012-10-08 02:32:30 PM

Maturin: I've been in pediatrics for twenty-five years. Of the infants who have died from SIDS in my practice, all of them did so in their parents bed. Never sleep with your infant.


How many children was that? Did they die of SIDS or were they smothered? Did the parents smoke or drink? How does your experience compare with peer-reviewed studies of co-sleeping? How do you explain this, from Dr Sears?
 
2012-10-08 02:33:41 PM
oh lawdy....ejecting.
 
2012-10-08 02:34:51 PM

factoryconnection: 2. Cloth
PRO: Adorably cute (like overwhelming at times), they breathe better, and provide good cushion for falls
CON: The up-front expense, the washing, and you need a sprayer nozzle for the toilet


You need a what? As I wrote up there ^^^ somewhere, what you need is fleece liners, off which even the stickiest ... erm, product will slide as if off a shovel.

Anyway, there is no harm in using both. We had reusables for home but used disposables when travelling or visiting.
 
2012-10-08 02:34:59 PM
Don't trust whitey. Lord loves a working man. Get a shot and get rid of it.
 
2012-10-08 02:35:17 PM

grinding_journalist: Guys: Is the whole "I am a wolf that will protect the den mother at all costs" feeling of overprotectiveness "a thing"? I've read about it many times, but nobody seems to be citing it here. Someone mentioned that everybody loves a pregnant woman and wants to touch their belly; even at this distance, I don't know if I'll be comfortable with that, and I fear I'll become actively hostile to others as the pregnancy progresses.


I can't say how long it will take for you. But don't fret if you don't feel it at first. I mean, your wife is probably going to be there from day one. The kid has been living in her, will be dependant on her for nutrients. I mean, I think there is a biological part to it.

From my experience, it took more time. I mean, you don't just start loving people right off the bat. However, the more you bond, the quicker is happens.
 
2012-10-08 02:37:11 PM

Publikwerks: grinding_journalist: Guys: Is the whole "I am a wolf that will protect the den mother at all costs" feeling of overprotectiveness "a thing"? I've read about it many times, but nobody seems to be citing it here. Someone mentioned that everybody loves a pregnant woman and wants to touch their belly; even at this distance, I don't know if I'll be comfortable with that, and I fear I'll become actively hostile to others as the pregnancy progresses.

I can't say how long it will take for you. But don't fret if you don't feel it at first. I mean, your wife is probably going to be there from day one. The kid has been living in her, will be dependant on her for nutrients. I mean, I think there is a biological part to it.

From my experience, it took more time. I mean, you don't just start loving people right off the bat. However, the more you bond, the quicker is happens.


Oh woops, I thought you were talking about the kid in regards to the instinct. Your wife will decide who can touch her belly, just like any other part of her.
 
2012-10-08 02:37:13 PM
So, who's the father?
 
2012-10-08 02:37:24 PM

vrax: Definitely. Being aware is the most important thing. If they start to be unable to sleep alone in their own bed, correct it ASAP


Or just roll with it, enjoy the smells and sounds of your child and relax, because it won;t be in with you for long. What's with all this Baby must Bend to my Will stuff?
 
2012-10-08 02:38:14 PM

orbister: imasig: So it's easy to say put them in their own bed but if they start screaming the second they hit the bed and then fall asleep the second they make contact with you again you can see why a lot of people allow them to sleep in bed with them.

So yeah it's probably best to sleep alone

I'm sorry, but I think I'm missing something here. If the kid sleeps better with its parents (which is, after all, how babies have evolved to sleep) why on earth would one want to have them apart. In what sense is that "better"?


I'm not honestly not saying either way is better. For me I'm doing this for two reasons.

1.) I'm a heavy sleeper and I don't feel comfortable with the kid sleeping on my chest.
2.) I look at it as both the kid and I are suffering now so we will benefit later. If I can go with less sleep now and get him sleeping on his own then down the road I will get more sleep and the kid will develop better independence

But you gotta do what you gotta do. Does the risk that something happens to the kid while sleeping on me outweigh the fact that both of us are getting less sleep? I dunno. That is for you to decide with your kid.
 
2012-10-08 02:42:18 PM

namegoeshere: namegoeshere: SacriliciousBeerSwiller: Also, you're gonna hear a LOT of impassioned garbage from all over the place regarding skin-to-skin, breast feeding, and all kinds of crazy anecdotal pseudo-scientific horsesh*t from people who will consider you Hitler's scrotum if you don't do everything exactly as they do.

Feed you kid, change diapers, make sure they get enough sleep, don't let them eat paint chips. Beyond that, have at it. Make your own choices.

Great idea. But buy ALL SIZES. Don't bother with newborn size. You will get a bunch at the shower, and unless it's a teeny preemie, it'll outgrow them in about an hour.

Same with newborn size clothes.

Wow, I quoted wrong. That was supposed to be about stocking up on diapers before the birth.


I gathered as much. Good advice though.
 
2012-10-08 02:42:32 PM

th0th: 1) You will only want the baby-in-room setup for the first week, tops. Many of the major post-partum issues (aside from true medical complications) will arise in that first week. My wife and I NEVER did baby sleep in bed with us thing, simply because Every. Single. Parent. We knew had a harder time getting their kid to sleep in their bed later on than they did pacifier-breaking and potty training.


I'm not quite sure how you know what I want, or wanted. Sleeping in own bed? "Look, here's a bed for you. Want to sleep in it?" "Yes", and he never came back.

2) Eventually you will need to NOT respond to every sniffle and cry to soothe, because as with any learned behavior, it will spoil the child into bringing mom and dad running in just to see if they can.

That's why you have 'em in with you. You soon learn to recognize what needs attention and what doesn't. I could pick up a change-me-now before the kid was even awake, and long, long before he was screaming to alert me.
 
2012-10-08 02:43:50 PM

orbister: vrax: Definitely. Being aware is the most important thing. If they start to be unable to sleep alone in their own bed, correct it ASAP

Or just roll with it, enjoy the smells and sounds of your child and relax, because it won;t be in with you for long. What's with all this Baby must Bend to my Will stuff?


Well, of course you enjoy your child. You make it sound like someone suggesting putting up a barrier between parent and child. What I'm talking about is avoiding training your child to sleep with you until they are 5+ years old. Because that can easily happen, and quickly, if you don't pay attention to their forming sleep habits and modify as needed.
 
2012-10-08 02:44:01 PM
Nothing last forever, everything is a phase. The worst days when you are rethinking your life choices and just want it to all go away- it won't last forever. And those amazing moments where you can't imagine anything more precious- they don't last forever either. I'm on my third kid and the hard stuff is a lot easier this time knowing and having experience the impermanence of every stage. And the sweet stuff is sweeter knowing it won't last forever. Congrats!
 
2012-10-08 02:44:03 PM
Another point: if friends with their own kids offer you clothing that their own have outgrown, ACCEPT THE OFFER. It will save you a ton of time and money. Just be sure to pay it forward.
 
2012-10-08 02:44:42 PM

FourPetesake: It's possible to roll over on a newborn and suffocate it without realizing...not terribly common, but absolutely awful, so probably best to avoid it. By bad habits i mean a kid who won't sleep in their own bed...My friend has a 3 year old who sleeps with them every night...no thank you!


Even though the statistics don't agree, I wouldn't want to sleep with a new born. I'm 6'+, so there is just too much disparity in size. We had ours in with us from 3 months or so.
 
2012-10-08 02:45:58 PM
It's too late for advice, you already blew it
 
2012-10-08 02:48:21 PM
If you have an older house and are feeling electrically handy, try replacing your outlets with these:

http://www.nfpa.org/itemDetail.asp?categoryID=1508&itemID=36117&URL=S a fety%20Information/For%20consumers/Causes/Electrical/Tamper-resistant% 20electrical%20receptacles

TR outlets run $30 for a box of 10.
 
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