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(USA Today)   "Could a passenger open an emergency exit?" asks one traveler who has never once looked at the safety instruction card in the seat pocket in front of him, let alone sat in the exit row and been told how to do it   (usatoday.com) divider line 48
    More: Dumbass, emergency exits, Kailua, pocket, passengers  
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9739 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Oct 2012 at 10:46 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



48 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-10-08 09:34:03 AM  
Not "could" or "should" but "may".

May a passenger open an emergency exit door?

Sheesh
 
2012-10-08 10:47:24 AM  
What would they do if they knew those doors were fakes?
 
2012-10-08 10:52:22 AM  
"If you are seated in an emergency exit row and would be unable or unwilling to perform the duties listed on the safety card, please ask a flight attendant to reseat you."

lt's a lot of responsibility.
 
2012-10-08 10:52:39 AM  
Well I know a few people that I work with that would be unable to open it.
 
2012-10-08 10:53:33 AM  
Farking doors. How do they work?
 
2012-10-08 10:54:37 AM  
"First, swipe a major credit card through the door actuator. If you do not have a major credit card please ask the attendant to remove you from this flight.
 
2012-10-08 10:55:18 AM  
What is the maximum number of words and letters in a fark headline and why?
 
2012-10-08 10:55:46 AM  

groppet: Well I know a few people that I work with that would be unable to open it.


Just gotta put your shoulder into it. If that doesn't work, use the little old lady as a battering ram.
 
2012-10-08 10:55:48 AM  
The second question is that much more interesting.

If you're arriving at your gate after the door closed, it's your own damn fault. You booked a flight that was flat incompatible with your schedule or you just can't bring yourself to get your ass to the airport on time.*

*"On time" is now pretty much defined as two hours before most any domestic US flight.
 
2012-10-08 10:55:51 AM  

DON.MAC: What would they do if they knew those doors were fakes?


Sit in the exit row and enjoy the incrementally better leg room anyway. That space is now no better or worse than any other regarding survivability in your proposal, but it's still better for comfort.
 
2012-10-08 10:56:25 AM  
Would be so much easier if the windows were larger and would open.
 
2012-10-08 10:58:09 AM  
I think the person asking doesn't know the doors are impossible to open at altitude and therefore wonders if the pilot has to unlock them so some bonehead doesn't open it.

At least, that's what the question actually says, I could be wrong of course...
 
2012-10-08 11:01:01 AM  
Calm as Hindu cows.
 
2012-10-08 11:01:51 AM  
Mike Reynolds: American Asshat
 
2012-10-08 11:06:16 AM  
I wonder if the stewardess forgot made sure there were no deaf people aboard before 'indicating the exits', Aussie style.

/ Maybe possibly obscure.
 
2012-10-08 11:08:28 AM  
0.tqn.com
 
2012-10-08 11:10:45 AM  
I've been on planes where the airline charged extra to sit in the emergency exit. Does that violate any certain FAA regulation to do that?
 
2012-10-08 11:12:08 AM  
"So... uh, can ANYONE open the emergency exit door? Even at 30,000 feet? I'm just asking for... uh, argument's sake, no particular reason I have in mind."
 
2012-10-08 11:12:29 AM  
29.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-10-08 11:14:42 AM  

Jekylman: "So... uh, can ANYONE open the emergency exit door? Even at 30,000 feet? I'm just asking for... uh, argument's sake, no particular reason I have in mind."


No. The pilot would have to depressurize the plane in order for the doors or windows to open. This was done when DB Cooper jumped out the back of the commercial airliner with the loot.
 
2012-10-08 11:16:18 AM  

Britney Spear's Speculum: I've been on planes where the airline charged extra to sit in the emergency exit. Does that violate any certain FAA regulation to do that?


I wouldn't think so, as long as those who sit there are qualified to open the exit. I will say, though, that the extra leg room in those seats is kind of nice. I've never specifically requested those seats, but I've been assigned one when I didn't get to choose the seat (not-so-early check-in with the airline).
 
2012-10-08 11:16:51 AM  

Old_Chief_Scott: Not "could" or "should" but "may".

May a passenger open an emergency exit door?

Sheesh


notsureifserious.jpg
 
2012-10-08 11:20:57 AM  

MBrady: blatz514: groppet: Well I know a few people that I work with that would be unable to open it.

Just gotta put your shoulder into it. If that doesn't work, use the little old lady screaming baby or kid next to you as a battering ram.

FTFY


I stand very much corrected!
 
2012-10-08 11:21:36 AM  
I think the question was could they do it with the plane in the air.

And the answer is 'Not unless they turn into the Hulk'. At 5 PSI on the door, the doors are what, 20 inches wide by 36 inches high? That would be 3600 pounds holding the door closed.
 
2012-10-08 11:29:05 AM  

TheDirtyNacho: I think the person asking doesn't know the doors are impossible to open at altitude and therefore wonders if the pilot has to unlock them so some bonehead doesn't open it.

At least, that's what the question actually says, I could be wrong of course...


Well not IMPOSSIBLE, but yeah sneaking a hydraulic jack or similar that could provide the necessary amount of force would be tough.
 
2012-10-08 11:39:54 AM  

DoBeDoBeDo: TheDirtyNacho: I think the person asking doesn't know the doors are impossible to open at altitude and therefore wonders if the pilot has to unlock them so some bonehead doesn't open it.

At least, that's what the question actually says, I could be wrong of course...

Well not IMPOSSIBLE, but yeah sneaking a hydraulic jack or similar that could provide the necessary amount of force would be tough.


Not to mention you'd have to figure out how to get it to push on the door from outside the aircraft,
 
2012-10-08 11:41:37 AM  
Garylarsonwingsstayonwingsfalloff.jpg
 
2012-10-08 11:43:44 AM  

pag1107: DoBeDoBeDo: TheDirtyNacho: I think the person asking doesn't know the doors are impossible to open at altitude and therefore wonders if the pilot has to unlock them so some bonehead doesn't open it.

At least, that's what the question actually says, I could be wrong of course...

Well not IMPOSSIBLE, but yeah sneaking a hydraulic jack or similar that could provide the necessary amount of force would be tough.

Not to mention you'd have to figure out how to get it to push on the door from outside the aircraft,


They can pull just as easy, turn it around and have it move away from the door
 
2012-10-08 11:49:09 AM  

TheGreatGazoo: I think the question was could they do it with the plane in the air.

And the answer is 'Not unless they turn into the Hulk'. At 5 PSI on the door, the doors are what, 20 inches wide by 36 inches high? That would be 3600 pounds holding the door closed.


B737 is generally around 7.8 psi. Either way, your arms will come off before you can pull one of those plug hatches into the cabin in flight.
 
2012-10-08 12:04:50 PM  
Submitted by reader David, Kailua, O`ahu, Hawaii

uhhh there's only 2 ways off the island fly or boat... seems he's never left...
 
2012-10-08 12:04:55 PM  

DoBeDoBeDo: pag1107: DoBeDoBeDo: TheDirtyNacho: I think the person asking doesn't know the doors are impossible to open at altitude and therefore wonders if the pilot has to unlock them so some bonehead doesn't open it.

At least, that's what the question actually says, I could be wrong of course...

Well not IMPOSSIBLE, but yeah sneaking a hydraulic jack or similar that could provide the necessary amount of force would be tough.

Not to mention you'd have to figure out how to get it to push on the door from outside the aircraft,

They can pull just as easy, turn it around and have it move away from the door


I doubt there's any handle on the door that can be pulled that hard without breaking it.
 
2012-10-08 12:34:24 PM  

wallywam1: Old_Chief_Scott: Not "could" or "should" but "may".

May a passenger open an emergency exit door?

Sheesh

notsureifserious.jpg


neverseriousonfark.jpg
 
2012-10-08 12:56:28 PM  

Old_Chief_Scott: Not "could" or "should" but "may".


Advanced Rotsky technique. Most impressive.
 
2012-10-08 12:58:41 PM  

Britney Spear's Speculum: I've been on planes where the airline charged extra to sit in the emergency exit. Does that violate any certain FAA regulation to do that?


There's an FAA regulation that states "The airlines can charge whatever the fark they want for those seats."

They have more legroom than the so called "Economy Plus" or "Business Class" rows I've sat in, so there's a bit of reasonableness to the extra charge. That, plus you're given the great responsibility of providing an emergency exit for your fellow travelers.
 
2012-10-08 01:55:49 PM  

Shmeat: [29.media.tumblr.com image 500x500]


Bah!

latimesherocomplex.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-10-08 02:14:35 PM  
"The safety lecture continues. The next thing they do, they tell you to locate your nearest emergency exit. I do this immediately. I locate my nearest emergency exit, and then I plan my route. You have to plan your route--it's not always a straight line, is it? Sometimes, there's a really big fat fark sitting right in front of you. Well, you know you'll never get over him. I look around for women and children, midgets and dwarves, cripples, war widows, paralyzed veterans, people with broken legs--anybody who looks like they can't move too well. The emotionally disturbed come in very handy at a time like this. You might have to go out of your way to find these people, but you'll get out of the plane a lot goddamn quicker, believe me. I say, let's see, I'll go around the fat fark, step on the widow's head, push those children out of the way, knock down the paralyzed midget, and get out of the plane where I can help others. I can be of no help to anyone if I'm lying unconscious in the aisle with some big cocksucker standing on my head. I must get out of the plane, go to a nearby farmhouse, have a Dr. Pepper and call the police."

RIP, George.
 
2012-10-08 02:27:48 PM  

Nem Wan: DoBeDoBeDo: pag1107: DoBeDoBeDo: TheDirtyNacho: I think the person asking doesn't know the doors are impossible to open at altitude and therefore wonders if the pilot has to unlock them so some bonehead doesn't open it.

At least, that's what the question actually says, I could be wrong of course...

Well not IMPOSSIBLE, but yeah sneaking a hydraulic jack or similar that could provide the necessary amount of force would be tough.

Not to mention you'd have to figure out how to get it to push on the door from outside the aircraft,

They can pull just as easy, turn it around and have it move away from the door

I doubt there's any handle on the door that can be pulled that hard without breaking it.


I'm sure/hoping that under that plastic there is SOME structural rigidity you could hook up too.
 
2012-10-08 05:44:01 PM  

TheGreatGazoo: I think the question was could they do it with the plane in the air.

And the answer is 'Not unless they turn into the Hulk'. At 5 PSI on the door, the doors are what, 20 inches wide by 36 inches high? That would be 3600 pounds holding the door closed.


If I recall correctly, the doors and exits also can't stand that much force from both sides at once, so our hypothetical Hulk wouldn't be so much opening the door from the inside as ripping it apart.
 
2012-10-08 05:51:23 PM  

Mithiwithi: TheGreatGazoo: I think the question was could they do it with the plane in the air.

And the answer is 'Not unless they turn into the Hulk'. At 5 PSI on the door, the doors are what, 20 inches wide by 36 inches high? That would be 3600 pounds holding the door closed.

If I recall correctly, the doors and exits also can't stand that much force from both sides at once, so our hypothetical Hulk wouldn't be so much opening the door from the inside as ripping it apart.


Wait, no, I'm an idiot. Of course the door can stand that force if it's applied evenly from both sides. What it can't stand is a force strong enough to counter cabin pressure on a small contact patch.

So if the Hulk just pushed on it with both hands, the hands would go right through, but if he put his back up against it... well, his feet would go through the floor. But if he had an even surface to push on both ways - maybe if he braced his feet against a couple crossbeams - he's good to go.
 
2012-10-08 06:05:01 PM  

akula: The second question is that much more interesting.

If you're arriving at your gate after the door closed, it's your own damn fault. You booked a flight that was flat incompatible with your schedule or you just can't bring yourself to get your ass to the airport on time.*

*"On time" is now pretty much defined as two hours before most any domestic US flight.


Never had to change planes; but have your first plane arrive at the first gate over a hour and a half late; right before your second flight leaves?

/ happened to me last year; DIA; got to stay at the double tree on united's dime; when I went through security next day it took 15 minutes from drop-off point outside to the gate and I didn't have to go through the 4th amendment violator.

// as odd as it sounds; it looked like people chose the 4th amendment violator line; I just stepped through a metal detector. No one even looked at me twice.
 
2012-10-08 06:14:59 PM  
Despite subby insinuation, this isn't really a stupid question. The letter writer just wanted more details on the door, and was basically curious as to what keeps Ann Romney from opening the thing mid-flight to et in some fresh air.

The seat-card tells you how to open the door in an emergency, but doesn't explain anything about how they work, and doesn't tell you if the pilots have to flip some switch in the cockpit, which is really what the letter was about.
 
2012-10-08 06:16:04 PM  

TheDirtyNacho: I think the person asking doesn't know the doors are impossible to open at altitude and therefore wonders if the pilot has to unlock them so some bonehead doesn't open it.

At least, that's what the question actually says, I could be wrong of course...


No, Subby just wants to be a superior prick, also is possibly illiterate, so that he didn't understand the actual letter writer's question.
 
2012-10-08 06:30:06 PM  

Mithiwithi: Mithiwithi: TheGreatGazoo: I think the question was could they do it with the plane in the air.

And the answer is 'Not unless they turn into the Hulk'. At 5 PSI on the door, the doors are what, 20 inches wide by 36 inches high? That would be 3600 pounds holding the door closed.

If I recall correctly, the doors and exits also can't stand that much force from both sides at once, so our hypothetical Hulk wouldn't be so much opening the door from the inside as ripping it apart.

Wait, no, I'm an idiot. Of course the door can stand that force if it's applied evenly from both sides. What it can't stand is a force strong enough to counter cabin pressure on a small contact patch.

So if the Hulk just pushed on it with both hands, the hands would go right through, but if he put his back up against it... well, his feet would go through the floor. But if he had an even surface to push on both ways - maybe if he braced his feet against a couple crossbeams - he's good to go.


I think if you can manage to get Hulk on board you could get a drill on board.

/drill
 
2012-10-08 06:40:14 PM  

Mikey1969: TheDirtyNacho: I think the person asking doesn't know the doors are impossible to open at altitude and therefore wonders if the pilot has to unlock them so some bonehead doesn't open it.

At least, that's what the question actually says, I could be wrong of course...

No, Subby just wants to be a superior prick, also is possibly illiterate, so that he didn't understand the actual letter writer's question.


I like to think it's both.

At least it's easy to figure out who didn't read the article in this thread.
 
2012-10-08 07:03:53 PM  

iheartscotch: Never had to change planes; but have your first plane arrive at the first gate over a hour and a half late; right before your second flight leaves?


Point taken. Still, unless you're changing airlines at the layover they'll often hold the flight for you if it's a short period of time (had that happen... sat on a plane while they held it for 20 minutes for connecting folks made late by their first flight). If you're changing airlines during a layover you're pretty much rolling the dice anyway. It may not be your fault if you are made late and miss the connector, but that's just a travel plan with precious little room for error.
 
2012-10-08 07:25:38 PM  

Mithiwithi: Mithiwithi: TheGreatGazoo: I think the question was could they do it with the plane in the air.

And the answer is 'Not unless they turn into the Hulk'. At 5 PSI on the door, the doors are what, 20 inches wide by 36 inches high? That would be 3600 pounds holding the door closed.

If I recall correctly, the doors and exits also can't stand that much force from both sides at once, so our hypothetical Hulk wouldn't be so much opening the door from the inside as ripping it apart.

Wait, no, I'm an idiot. Of course the door can stand that force if it's applied evenly from both sides. What it can't stand is a force strong enough to counter cabin pressure on a small contact patch.

So if the Hulk just pushed on it with both hands, the hands would go right through, but if he put his back up against it... well, his feet would go through the floor. But if he had an even surface to push on both ways - maybe if he braced his feet against a couple crossbeams - he's good to go.


Really, I think he'd have better luck if he whipped his dick out and smashed it up against the door, but maybe that's the LSD talking...
 
2012-10-08 08:11:11 PM  

akula: iheartscotch: Never had to change planes; but have your first plane arrive at the first gate over a hour and a half late; right before your second flight leaves?

Point taken. Still, unless you're changing airlines at the layover they'll often hold the flight for you if it's a short period of time (had that happen... sat on a plane while they held it for 20 minutes for connecting folks made late by their first flight). If you're changing airlines during a layover you're pretty much rolling the dice anyway. It may not be your fault if you are made late and miss the connector, but that's just a travel plan with precious little room for error.


I agree you roll the dice somewhat; my original flight should have taken 20-30 min and I should have had an extra hour or more to wait in DIA; but, I literally got to DIA the moment before they closed the gate on my connection flight. Same airline, different airplane. I'm just lucky I didn't have any bags with me.

/ it was quite an evening in Denver though; within 5 minutes of walking into the hotel; I had a suit with a king sized bed, two of the cookies the double tree hands out and the phone number of the cutie hotel receptionist.

// I'm not sure Dean Martin could have done better
 
2012-10-09 11:53:59 AM  
They asked me on the flight yesterday if I'd be willing to do the emergency exit thing. I said, "Hell yes. Who wouldn't want to be the first one out the door in an emergency."
 
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