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(ESPN)   Will Matt Schaub hear the Jets defense coming? Is tonight the night Muppet Tebow takes Manhattan (or at least East Rutherford, New Jersey)? It's the Houston Texans vs. the New York Jets on Monday Night Football, 8:30 PM on ESPN   (espn.go.com) divider line 1039
    More: Interesting, Matt Schaub, Muppet Tebow, Jets, Texans, Tim Tebow, Manhattan, East Rutherford, Scouts Inc.  
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485 clicks; posted to Sports » on 08 Oct 2012 at 7:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-08 09:18:04 AM
A second straight Jets home shutout loss would surprise me not one bit.
 
2012-10-08 09:38:54 AM
Come on boys, let's go 5 and 0!
 
2012-10-08 09:50:42 AM
This should be a completely lopsided curb stomping, which means the Jets will win 13-10.
 
2012-10-08 10:36:44 AM
static6.businessinsider.com
 
2012-10-08 11:11:12 AM
At some point tonight, JJ Watt's going to bat one of Sanchez's dinky checkdown passes into the air, intercept it, grab Sanchez by the jersey, jam the ball into his facemask, and then piledrive Sanchez into the turf so his legs are sticking straight up in the air, twitching. And then Watt will point over to the Jets sideline at Tebow and the cameras will catch him mouthing "NOW YOU".

Fifteen yards for roughing the passer, Jets keep the ball.
 
2012-10-08 12:19:25 PM
i881.photobucket.com
i881.photobucket.com
i881.photobucket.com
i881.photobucket.com
i881.photobucket.com
i881.photobucket.com

I'm glad that the nation will finally get to see what we've been seeing for the last few weeks but I'm WAY more excited about the SNF game against the Packers. First time the Texans will be on SNF*.

* I could have sworn they've been on there before (the very first game against the Cowboys) but the interwebz says it's the first so....too much drain bamage.
 
2012-10-08 12:32:07 PM
i1182.photobucket.com

You know you want to, Rex...
 
2012-10-08 01:17:26 PM
Week 5's weird stats & stuff, brought to you by Harv72b's obsessive fixture on numbers:

-All four teams in the NFC West have winning records. By way of comparison, only five teams in the entire AFC have won more games than they've lost.
-The Tennessee Titans lost to Minnesota yesterday, 30-7. This marked their best defensive performance of the season; they are currently giving up an average of 36.2 points/game.
-Since to losing to the aforementioned Vikings in week 3, the San Francisco 49ers have outscored their opponents 79-3.
-Glass half full: The Buffalo Bills are undefeated when surrendering fewer than 45 points in a game. The full story: The Buffalo Bills are 2-3.
-Through five games, the Jacksonville Jaguars have managed only 65 points. That currently ties them for dead last in total points with the Dallas Cowboys, who have played only four games. The fewest points tallied by any other team in five contests is 80, by the Eagles.
-At 5-0, the Atlanta Falcons have two more victories than the other three teams in the NFC South combined.
-The Green Bay Packers had the worst defense in the NFL last season, allowing 411.6 yards/game. There are currently seven teams surrendering more yardage than that in this season, "led" by the New Orleans Saints at 456.0.
-Speaking of the Green Bay Packers, they are the only team in the NFL which has not recovered an opponent's fumble.
-The New England Patriots are at the opposite end of the spectrum, having created eight turnovers via the fumble. No other team has more than six.
-Your new league leader in QBR? Alex Smith, at 108.7.
-NFL punters have currently thrown as many touchdown passes (two) as Ryan Tannehill has.
-Not to beat a dead horse, but Tennessee's Chris Johnson has carried the ball 73 times for a grand total of 210 yards this year. He has had only one game where he gained at least 25 yards on the ground.
-Buffalo's C.J. Spiller has averaged an insane 7.6 y/a on 48 carries. The next best average by a running back with more than 10 carries is 5.6 (New England's Brandon Bolden).
-Atlanta tight end Tony Gonzalez leads all receivers with 39 catches. He is playing in his 16th NFL season.
-19 receivers went over the 1,000 yard mark last season. There are currently 35 on pace to break 1,000 yards in 2012.
-The Detroit Lions have split 14 team punts among three different players. Kicker Jason Hanson has the best net average of the bunch at 36.0 yards. That ranks 32nd out of the 37 people who have punted this season; teammates Ben Graham and Nick Harris rank 36th and 37th, respectively.
-The Jacksonville Jaguars have attempted the fewest PATs in the league (4), but that hasn't prevented them from being the only team in the league to fail on one.
-The New York Jets are the only team in the NFL to have completed fewer than 50% of their pass attempts this year. Heck, they're the only team to complete less than 54%.
-Here's a stat that might surprise you: the five teams with the highest yards/attempt (passing) are (in order): Carolina, Washington, and Cincinnati.
-And here's one that won't: dead last in that category is Jacksonville, almost a full yard (0.9 to be exact) behind the next-lowest.
 
2012-10-08 01:29:52 PM
Nice random facts Harv72b, except:

Harv72b: -Here's a stat that might surprise you: the five teams with the highest yards/attempt (passing) are (in order): Carolina, Washington, and Cincinnati.


You're missing two teams (unless you meant to say 3).
 
2012-10-08 01:39:51 PM

scottydoesntknow: You're missing two teams (unless you meant to say 3).


D'oh!

Started out going with the top 5 until I realized the other two teams (Giants & Ravens, tied) weren't so much of a surprise. Forgot to cut out the "five" when I changed the rest of the line.

Alternate explanation:

rlv.zcache.com
 
2012-10-08 01:56:13 PM

Harv72b: Week 5's weird stats & stuff, brought to you by Harv72b's obsessive fixture on numbers:


I've started to like the random stats & stuff as much as The Graphs and The Jake. Good job, Harv.
 
2012-10-08 02:02:52 PM

Jubeebee: I've started to like the random stats & stuff as much as The Graphs and The Jake.


Mine takes considerably less effort, but thanks. :)
 
2012-10-08 02:21:45 PM
I'm glad that the nation will finally get to see what we've been seeing for the last few weeks but I'm WAY more excited about the SNF game against the Packers. First time the Texans will be on SNF*.

* I could have sworn they've been on there before (the very first game against the Cowboys) but the interwebz says it's the first so....too much drain bamage.


They were on Sunday night football their very first regular season game where they beat the 'Girls. ESPN was the network of record then so I suppose technically they have not been on Sunday night with NBC.
 
2012-10-08 03:10:49 PM

The Italian Farker: I'm glad that the nation will finally get to see what we've been seeing for the last few weeks but I'm WAY more excited about the SNF game against the Packers. First time the Texans will be on SNF*.

* I could have sworn they've been on there before (the very first game against the Cowboys) but the interwebz says it's the first so....too much drain bamage.


They were on Sunday night football their very first regular season game where they beat the 'Girls. ESPN was the network of record then so I suppose technically they have not been on Sunday night with NBC.


O.K. That sounds right. I thought the first game was a prime time but I couldn't remember. I'm not surprised about the claim with how technical stat happy the NFL is these days.

Michaels: " OOHHH!! And just like that Matt Schaub becomes the first player in NFL history to pick his nose and flick in a 48 degree angle while on a 30 yard drive while sporting a shaved head and two day old socks."

Collinsworth: "What a great night for football. Fluid motion, tight muscle control, great posture under pressure. Schaub made that look easy. He certainly earned his shelf in the Hall Of Fame tonight."
 
2012-10-08 04:47:11 PM
please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow etc etc
 
2012-10-08 04:50:50 PM

SpikeStrip: please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow please play tebow etc etc


To combat the satanic implications of the 666th Monday Night Football game, every pass by Tim Tebow will be a Hail Mary.
 
2012-10-08 04:52:44 PM

Harv72b: -The Jacksonville Jaguars have attempted the fewest PATs in the league (4), but that hasn't prevented them from being the only team in the league to fail on one.


Chiefs also missed a PAT against SD.
 
2012-10-08 05:10:16 PM
The Mark Sanchez Era...?
The Tim Tebow Era...?

MAKE IT SO REX LULZ
 
2012-10-08 06:01:59 PM

dethmagnetic: Chiefs also missed a PAT against SD.


I thought I remembered someone else farking one up...I guess the statmonsters scored the Chiefs play as a failed 2PT since it ended with a throw.
 
2012-10-08 06:19:04 PM

Jubeebee: "NOW YOU".


otr.blastmagazine.com

/ok yeah he did say "you're next" but it still works
 
2012-10-08 06:38:53 PM
Sorry to bring fantasy into this, but I'm 55 points behind in my game with just Foster & the Texans Defense to go. I really think I can win my game.

When the Niners played the Jets Gore & their defense combined for 52, and Gore had a crap fantasy day. Hopefully Tate doesn't steal too many carries.
 
2012-10-08 06:44:30 PM
wanna hear about my fantasy team? no? ok.
 
2012-10-08 06:48:43 PM
BTW it's MNF game 666 tonight....figured I'd prime the pump for Jesus Tebow jokes...
 
2012-10-08 07:17:19 PM

WhyteRaven74: BTW it's MNF game 666 tonight....figured I'd prime the pump for Jesus Tebow jokes...


i1182.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-08 07:20:01 PM
i199.photobucket.com

Make it so, Toesucker. Make it so.
 
2012-10-08 07:35:40 PM

Jubeebee: At some point tonight, JJ Watt's going to bat one of Sanchez's dinky checkdown passes into the air, intercept it, grab Sanchez by the jersey, jam the ball into his facemask, and then piledrive Sanchez into the turf so his legs are sticking straight up in the air, twitching. And then Watt will point over to the Jets sideline at Tebow and the cameras will catch him mouthing "NOW YOU".

Fifteen yards for roughing the passer, Jets keep the ball.


what? JJ isn't willing to wait the 2 minutes it will take his offense to score before he destroys timmysprinkles (aka "The Circus") ?
I credit him with more patience than that
 
2012-10-08 07:38:37 PM
Tonight should be a glorious shiat show. Let's get drunk and gawk at the car crash!
 
2012-10-08 07:38:51 PM
Well since it's a football thread today, I could use some advice on my FF team.

Would I be overpaying to trade a guy 2 of these RB's for Wes Welker? This is a PPR league.

Bradshaw, R.Bush, Ridley, Mendenhall, Gore.

Or is it fair for him to expect to get 2 of these RBs to his 1 Welker?

/2:1 was my idea, but now I'm backtracking
 
2012-10-08 07:40:19 PM

Harv72b: Jubeebee: I've started to like the random stats & stuff as much as The Graphs and The Jake.

Mine takes considerably less effort, but thanks. :)


still has some good stuff , the buffalo 45 line especially made me laugh
 
2012-10-08 07:41:16 PM
I'm all for Tebow starting. Because once he gets his ass kicked from MetLife to Yonkers people will start demanding Sanchez. I still believe ESPN will pay Woody Johnson $100m to start Tebow.
 
2012-10-08 07:43:42 PM
This is either going to be a total clownshoes game or Houston will destroy the Jets. I will enjoy it either way.
 
2012-10-08 07:43:55 PM
Week 5 Delhomme Leaderboard

Blaine Gabbert, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Matt Cassel, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0


***CURRENTLY CALIBRATING...***

Mark Sanchez, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Matt Schaub, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
 
2012-10-08 07:44:34 PM

robsul82: Week 5 Delhomme Leaderboard


SUMUNABEETCH...

Gabbert and Cassel have a 50.0
 
2012-10-08 07:46:48 PM

El Brujo: Well since it's a football thread today, I could use some advice on my FF team.

Would I be overpaying to trade a guy 2 of these RB's for Wes Welker? This is a PPR league.

Bradshaw, R.Bush, Ridley, Mendenhall, Gore.

Or is it fair for him to expect to get 2 of these RBs to his 1 Welker?

/2:1 was my idea, but now I'm backtracking


Yes, you would. Maaaybe Bush and Gore, but I think that's still too much.

/Welker owner
//Starving for RB's
///would kill for that trade
//NPPR, though
 
2012-10-08 07:48:03 PM

Harv72b: Week 5's weird stats & stuff, brought to you by Harv72b's obsessive fixture on numbers:


You forgot one other thing that has NEVER happened in the NFL:

"Peanut" Tillman and Lance Briggs are the only 2 teammates who have ever returned INT's for a TD in consecutive games.

/Yes I'm a Bears Fan
//No, I am not sorry for that
///Triple slashy for the NFC Norris Win
 
2012-10-08 07:48:33 PM
C'mon, Shonn Greene! I just need 160 yards and three touchdowns out of you! You can doooo eeeet!

Or not.
 
2012-10-08 07:48:51 PM
So what is more likely...

Watt eats both jets quarterbacks on consecutive plays then out for the game for indigestion?

Or

Shaub hands of to foster then throws foster to Andre Johnson for a 54 yard td and we get awarded 12 points for style?
 
2012-10-08 07:49:02 PM

robsul82: robsul82: Week 5 Delhomme Leaderboard

SUMUNABEETCH...

Gabbert and Cassel have a 50.0


Your Jake calibrator needs calibrating.
 
2012-10-08 07:49:29 PM
Houston will skullfark the Jets. If Nazi Foster gets more than 120 and a score, I lose to a dude who had two position players not even play.

Fark it, I'm just gonna take a nap.
 
2012-10-08 07:52:23 PM

Antidamascus: This is either going to be a total clownshoes game or Houston will destroy the Jets.


t.qkme.me

I will enjoy it either way.

Indeed.
 
2012-10-08 07:54:26 PM
Timmysprinkles. Timmysprinkles. TI!MYSPRINKLES. DO IT FOR THE LULZ.

And a big thanks for Harv for depressing me even more. Five games and everyone has given up for the season. I love my Jags, I will still root for them, I will still watch the game, but I will do it with one TV/monitor/whatever trained on the Minnesota Kluwes.
 
2012-10-08 07:56:36 PM

RminusQ: Antidamascus: This is either going to be a total clownshoes game or Houston will destroy the Jets.

[t.qkme.me image 265x310]

I will enjoy it either way.

Indeed.


Houston beating the Jets into a Tebow-ready paste would be even better if they themselves were pants-on-head retarded. I hadn't thought of that.
 
2012-10-08 07:56:46 PM

robsul82: robsul82: Week 5 Delhomme Leaderboard

SUMUNABEETCH...

Gabbert and Cassel have a 50.0


I vote for Matt Cassel. Not only did he have a s**t game this week, but the fans of his OWN TEAM cheered when he got knocked out of the game.

Eagles fans are decrying the poor sportsmanship! It's a sign of the friggin' Apocalypse!

MR. ROBSUL82, GIVE CASSEL THE JAKE! >:o 
 
2012-10-08 07:59:49 PM

Harv72b: dethmagnetic: Chiefs also missed a PAT against SD.

I thought I remembered someone else farking one up...I guess the statmonsters scored the Chiefs play as a failed 2PT since it ended with a throw.


The Ravens missed one last week I think?
 
2012-10-08 08:00:25 PM
nflhumor.com

assets.diylol.com

blogs.houstonpress.com

t.qkme.me

I am PUMPED!

just please dear god houston don't lay an egg
 
2012-10-08 08:01:21 PM

bionicjoe: Sorry to bring fantasy into this, but I'm 55 points behind in my game with just Foster & the Texans Defense to go. I really think I can win my game.

When the Niners played the Jets Gore & their defense combined for 52, and Gore had a crap fantasy day. Hopefully Tate doesn't steal too many carries.


Tate isn't playing (toe).
 
2012-10-08 08:04:10 PM
Sorry, I'm a lifelong Houston sports fan. While I think the Texans will win I do not have a high degree of confidence about that feeling.

/35-3 lead
 
2012-10-08 08:04:10 PM
The Gruden Grinder is going to give me nightmares.
 
2012-10-08 08:06:00 PM

Captain Steroid: robsul82: robsul82: Week 5 Delhomme Leaderboard

SUMUNABEETCH...

Gabbert and Cassel have a 50.0

I vote for Matt Cassel. Not only did he have a s**t game this week, but the fans of his OWN TEAM cheered when he got knocked out of the game.

Eagles fans are decrying the poor sportsmanship! It's a sign of the friggin' Apocalypse!

MR. ROBSUL82, GIVE CASSEL THE JAKE! >:o 


Plus, rob disrespected Cassel before the game by not putting him on the QB list
 
2012-10-08 08:06:47 PM
It's Time! it's Time! it's Tebow time!
 
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