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(Salon)   If you thought trying to find an apartment in New York was tough, try finding a cemetery plot   (salon.com) divider line 81
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4710 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Oct 2012 at 12:25 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-08 02:29:44 AM  

olddinosaur: \\ \\\ \\\ \\\ Funerals are a waste of flowers.


Yea, hate to waste those flowers -- otherwise they might live forever. ;-)
 
2012-10-08 02:44:20 AM  

farkingismybusiness: Pribar: Eddie Adams from Torrance: The 2 biggest wastes of usable land in America are cemeteries and golf courses... which of course leads to my brilliant idea... Shady Lawn Acres Cemetary and Country Club. Golfers don't care if there are people buried all over the course, as long as the headstones are flat so as not to interfere with play, and of course aren't allowed on the greens. Lots of golfers would also love to be buried on the 18th fairway.

even better have the golfers remains cremated and made into golf balls so they can "continue playing", let people rent out balls made from celebrities, man I can see endless possibilities here.


/off to the patent and trademark office...

It would be great for the ol' exploding ball trick.
[2.bp.blogspot.com image 320x239]


Sounds like a good idea until you take into account country clubs like that upscale one in Atlanta. Earlier this year they had a group of drunken foursomes get naked, dash fairways, defecate in holes, pick up balls with butt-cheeks...you know, just a normal round of skins. Only problem was a group of women were in clubhouse overlooking course celebrating a bridal shower. Ummm, Southern belles don't particularly find that gentlemanly.
 
2012-10-08 02:50:01 AM  
i218.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-08 03:23:11 AM  
When there is no more room in the cemeteries, the death will walk the earth.

/And so it begins.
 
2012-10-08 03:31:34 AM  
Glad my remaining functional organs will be harvested for those in need and the rest of me will be discarded to the fire. My family was poor growing up and my brother was buried on the opposite side of the state*. We prefer to remember him when we go places around where we grew up. The grave site is meaningless.

*military families get designated burial grounds. In Florida, it's the Florida National Cemetery.
 
2012-10-08 03:31:52 AM  
Cremate me and sprinkle my ashes on a field of marijuana and think of me every time you get high!
 
2012-10-08 03:32:31 AM  
Big deal. It's not like anyone living in New York needs one of those.

Think about it...
 
2012-10-08 03:36:09 AM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: I would be sad however if I couldn't visit Oscar Wilde's grave again. Granted it's a wasteful and stupid use of land, since he doesn't care, but I do understand the emotion that "This person I loved ended here."


A propos of nothing, but IIRC a standard perpetual burial plot in a cemetery inside the Parisian city limits, such as Père Lachaise cemetery (where Oscar Wilde, among others, is buried) runs something like €14,000. Subject to availability, of course.

Which always struck me as being pretty cheap, really, considering how many people live (and have died) here. Probably cheaper, in a Euros-per-square-meter sense, than buying an apartment.

/Moral of the story: live at the cemetary!
 
2012-10-08 03:42:42 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Pribar: Eddie Adams from Torrance: The 2 biggest wastes of usable land in America are cemeteries and golf courses... which of course leads to my brilliant idea... Shady Lawn Acres Cemetary and Country Club. Golfers don't care if there are people buried all over the course, as long as the headstones are flat so as not to interfere with play, and of course aren't allowed on the greens. Lots of golfers would also love to be buried on the 18th fairway.

even better have the golfers remains cremated and made into golf balls so they can "continue playing", let people rent out balls made from celebrities, man I can see endless possibilities here.


/off to the patent and trademark office...

Genius. Pure genius.


Too late on the golf cemetery.

Fairway to heaven: Golf-themed cemetery set to open 

To be honest, I was hoping to find it was by The Onion and involved Donald Trump.
 
2012-10-08 03:50:47 AM  
When my uncle suddenly died, my then recently divorced dad started thinking about this sort of thing. Bought a plot, service, casket, the works. Then he got remarried a few years later.

New wife talked him into a new plan. Dad was gracious enough to legally donate his previous setup to me. So, I'm covered. Which is actually really cool, one less thing to worry about.

My thoughts: should I sell it for a profit? Hang on to it? Is there a futures market for grave sites?
He paid about $8000 for everything, and it's now legally in my name.

Interesting article and topic.
 
2012-10-08 03:57:10 AM  

lenfromak: Eddie Adams from Torrance: The 2 biggest wastes of usable land in America are cemeteries and golf courses...

Hey, golf courses are not a waste of land. Watch it, bud.


Using the standard reference point of Rhode Island, I estimate it would take three of them to hold just the US's golf courses. That is a staggering waste of land. Still, cemeteries are worse.
 
2012-10-08 04:15:40 AM  
cheap_thoughts

Just donate your body to science. Problem sliced.

Thought about that myself .... until around the 1980's when I heard about how companies were making hundreds of thousands of dollars by breaking up bodies and selling them by the piece. An intact corpse could cost nearly as much as a car. A single hand -- $1000. These were not used for transplants but shipped to colleges for study.

Bodies designated as organ donors often wind up being carved up and sold for huge amounts by the chunk. There's a time limit for viable organs, so those go first. You have longer to harvest tendons, bone and some blood vessels.

I don't like the idea of my body making other folks rich and recipients poor.

Then again, when my uncle died, I found out he was an organ donor -- but since the ambulance crew left his wallet behind, no one discovered the card so his wishes to benefit the sick went unfulfilled. I didn't get his wallet until a few days later.

Maybe he should have had it tattooed on his arse.

I'll be cremated myself and my ashes scattered in some favorite or nice place. I was a Boy Scout and loved the local Boy Scout Camp and I'm thinking of petitioning the Counsel to create a memorial garden there, where old Scouts like me can have their ashes scattered and maybe a small brass plaque placed on an honor board.

Before it came a Counsel Camp and more restricted, I used to visit it alone and just wander through the relaxing place. I helped rebuild a lot of it when I first went there, after it had been in neglect for years.

My Dad is buried in a local cemetery. They don't allow tombstones, just ground level plaques to make maintenance cheaper and easier. I chose his spot by a nice Oak tree that was still young.

Today, the shady tree is gone. The whole frikkin' grave yard is nothing but a boring several acres of grass. You never know what management is going to do down the road.

Yes, I do recall stories of when graveyards were social gathering places, for picnics, parties, quiet meditation and reading but liability concerns have pretty well ended that. Then I think about that overcrowded major cemetery in New Orleans, with all of the spooky above ground crypts and plots crammed in as close as possible to each other and that turns me off.

They think the place is a Great Historical and Artistic Landmark. I think it's creepy, sloppy, run down and just nasty.

Besides, I know how the majority of buried bodies decay, even when embalmed and sealed into a hideously over priced coffin, usually placed inside a cement liner. The process, IMO, is ghastly. Especially if the liner floods and the coffin leaks. Then, 6 feet down, you have basically a septic tank full of people soup.

Yeah. Cremation for me. Maybe I'll have my ashes scattered from an aircraft over some wild northern forest that I'd love to see, but never will.

I want to be shot into space and head beyond the solar system, but such companies only use a few ounces of your ash, blast you into orbit and, after a few weeks, you come back down and burn up in reentry. Plus the cost is hideous. If I'm going into space, I want to head out into deep space NOT crash back into the Earth.

It's better than rotting away in the dark, underground, surrounded by folks I probably wouldn't have liked in life and/or maybe 50 years later get paved under a parking lot.
 
2012-10-08 05:15:42 AM  
Naturally she thinks that since she's lived in Brooklyn for 2 years she needs to consider how she will be buried there. It's going to be the new hipstery thing to do.
 
2012-10-08 05:20:18 AM  

Britney Spear's Speculum: This is, another reason why catholics are a bane of our existence. Out breed everyone and waste good land to bury them.


the more you kill the less there will be. your move tough guy.
 
2012-10-08 05:23:29 AM  
Fremen of Dune (err Frank Herbert) had the bright idea to completely dehydrate the body and save/reclaim (and reuse and drink!) the mostly-water content of human remains.
Various uses for the resultant jerky do not appear in the literature.
 
2012-10-08 06:02:11 AM  

olddinosaur: My will says, cremate me and dump the ashes in the ocean with no ceremony.

You got something to say, say it to my face while I am alive.

Hate like hell to think of a bunch of people moaning over my corpse saying what a great guy I was, when they said I was an SOB while I was alive.

\\ \\\ \\\ \\\ Funerals are a waste of flowers.


Wha? Who would have the nerve to call you an SOB when you sound so, so pleasant!?

Funerals are for your survivors. Not you. But it sounds as though you don't much care for your "loved ones" so nm.
 
2012-10-08 06:07:14 AM  
Great article, BTW.

Haven't decided my disposition , yet. I'll probably go for the traditional recycle me into mulch method. After all, coffin flies need food too, amirite?
 
2012-10-08 06:21:28 AM  

EbolaNYC: Naturally she thinks that since she's lived in Brooklyn for 2 years she needs to consider how she will be buried there. It's going to be the new hipstery thing to do.


Well, obviously. Otherwise, she may end up buried in Jersey City, or worse, Staten Island. That will have her spinning in her grave...
 
2012-10-08 06:25:30 AM  

DoYourBestBear: olddinosaur: My will says, cremate me and dump the ashes in the ocean with no ceremony.

You got something to say, say it to my face while I am alive.

Hate like hell to think of a bunch of people moaning over my corpse saying what a great guy I was, when they said I was an SOB while I was alive.

\\ \\\ \\\ \\\ Funerals are a waste of flowers.

Wha? Who would have the nerve to call you an SOB when you sound so, so pleasant!?

Funerals are for your survivors. Not you. But it sounds as though you don't much care for your "loved ones" so nm.


I care for my loved ones very much. That's why I haven't made any plans at all for my burial. I want my loved ones to feel free to express their love for me by buying overpriced caskets and elaborate memorials in expensive -- yet trendy -- urban cemeteries. I'm just glad to know that there is a funeral industry that will always be there to indulge their wishes, and indeed, help them to take it to the next level, with video tributes, QR codes on tombstones, and so forth...
 
2012-10-08 07:46:03 AM  
Yeah, donate your body to "science". "Science" is a code word for a company that takes human bodies and parts them out, sells the parts, so they can pay their CEO big bucks, while the folks actually doing the work make less than $20 an hour.
 
2012-10-08 08:19:29 AM  

2and4: When my uncle suddenly died, my then recently divorced dad started thinking about this sort of thing. Bought a plot, service, casket, the works. Then he got remarried a few years later.

New wife talked him into a new plan. Dad was gracious enough to legally donate his previous setup to me. So, I'm covered. Which is actually really cool, one less thing to worry about.

My thoughts: should I sell it for a profit? Hang on to it? Is there a futures market for grave sites?
He paid about $8000 for everything, and it's now legally in my name.

Interesting article and topic.


I would hang on to it. Even basic funerals are frikkin' expensive, and the money will accrue interest over time. Plus as I understand it, you can always shift the funeral account to another home and/or location later.

One way to deal with lack of space would be to leave folks buried for only a limited amount of time before digging them up and making room for the next round. In my mother's hometown, in Germany, you buy a burial plot for 17 years at a time. If you don't renew, then the bones are exhumed, and I think cremated.
 
2012-10-08 10:34:33 AM  
Why not just pant them in Jersey? Converting Jersey into the world's largest cemetery would be an improvement, and it probably smell nicer.
 
2012-10-08 11:04:10 AM  

Pick: Yeah, donate your body to "science". "Science" is a code word for a company that takes human bodies and parts them out, sells the parts, so they can pay their CEO big bucks, while the folks actually doing the work make less than $20 an hour.


I don't understand why that's a bad thing? Yeah, the company makes some money. The parts go mostly to colleges, which is part of how medical students learn. Why does it piss people off that the company which does this doesn't do it pro bono?

The way I look at it, it's one last service I can perform, and not only does it cost me nothing, it saves me (or my family) money since we aren't paying for cremation or burial.
 
2012-10-08 11:49:06 AM  

Big Dave: Fremen of Dune (err Frank Herbert) had the bright idea to completely dehydrate the body and save/reclaim (and reuse and drink!) the mostly-water content of human remains.
Various uses for the resultant jerky do not appear in the literature.


Soylent Melange. "Chew your ancestors and see the worm!"
 
2012-10-08 11:59:51 AM  
"Donate whatever organs I can provide that may help others, and then cremate what's left."

In a nutshell, that's what's in my will. I'm an ignostic, and my wife doesn't need me tossing on thousands of dollars of debt to my estate just so my corpse can rent a plot of land complete with my name and stats bead-blasted into a block of Barre granite. Screw that.

CSB - long, long ago, I worked in Hartford, CT, digitizing hand-designed fonts and artwork at a place that created monuments and memorials, so that patterns could be cut into vinyl. (Each headstone would get a vinyl template, which acted as a "resist", allowing them to sand blast and bead blast patterns more easily.) I learned more about typography at that position than in the following twenty-plus years as a developer, from artists who had done typographical design by hand for at least three generations. I also learned just how friggin' expensive even a simple headstone can be, and why I'm never buying one.
 
2012-10-08 01:04:29 PM  
Space would not have become a problem if people had started to bury coffins vertically rather than horizontally.
 
2012-10-08 01:29:14 PM  
Wait, let me get this straight, you people take up land to bury dead people? WTF is wrong with you people? You buy an expensive box, stuff the dead guy in there; buy a plot of land and put the dead guy in the box into another box and then cover it up with dirt?!

...too bizarre,no slashies for you...
 
2012-10-08 01:36:48 PM  
I want my body buried under a stone replica of a Weeping Angel from Doctor Who. Even better if it could be an animatronic, but those require maintenance.
 
2012-10-08 01:45:54 PM  

dj1s: Wait, let me get this straight, you people take up land to bury dead people? WTF is wrong with you people? You buy an expensive box, stuff the dead guy in there; buy a plot of land and put the dead guy in the box into another box and then cover it up with dirt?!

...too bizarre,no slashies for you...


Sir? If you don't mind my asking... why a box?
3.bp.blogspot.com 
Your home is a box. Your car is a box on wheels. You drive to work in it. You drive home in it. You sit in your home, staring into a box. It erodes your soul, while the box that is your body inevitably withers... then dies. Whereupon it is placed in the ultimate box, to slowly decompose.

It's quite depressing, if you think of it that way.

Don't think of it that way... think of it as a temporary state of being.
 
2012-10-08 09:06:49 PM  
All I want is for my corpse to be set on fire and catapulted from a barge on the Hudson River into a skyscraper. I don't want to live in a world where I can't do that.

/which is kind of a self solving problem.
 
2012-10-09 06:18:46 AM  
Strange? Um, why?

There's far more dead people than there are living, and for the most part we want to have monuments to them all. Something's got to give over a long enough timeline, you'd figure.
 
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