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(Salon)   If you thought trying to find an apartment in New York was tough, try finding a cemetery plot   (salon.com) divider line 81
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4708 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Oct 2012 at 12:25 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-07 08:53:23 PM
Like there's a difference.
 
2012-10-07 10:29:40 PM
This is also apparently a problem in China, where some ridiculous percentage of arable land is used up by cemeteries.
 
2012-10-07 10:39:30 PM
The 2 biggest wastes of usable land in America are cemeteries and golf courses... which of course leads to my brilliant idea... Shady Lawn Acres Cemetary and Country Club. Golfers don't care if there are people buried all over the course, as long as the headstones are flat so as not to interfere with play, and of course aren't allowed on the greens. Lots of golfers would also love to be buried on the 18th fairway.
 
2012-10-07 11:11:40 PM
Just mail the corpse to someone in the Midwest or mountain states. Problem solved.
 
2012-10-07 11:34:07 PM

Eddie Adams from Torrance: The 2 biggest wastes of usable land in America are cemeteries and golf courses... which of course leads to my brilliant idea... Shady Lawn Acres Cemetary and Country Club. Golfers don't care if there are people buried all over the course, as long as the headstones are flat so as not to interfere with play, and of course aren't allowed on the greens. Lots of golfers would also love to be buried on the 18th fairway.


even better have the golfers remains cremated and made into golf balls so they can "continue playing", let people rent out balls made from celebrities, man I can see endless possibilities here.


/off to the patent and trademark office...
 
2012-10-08 12:29:04 AM
How does a cemetery plot work? Do you pay in perpetuity from the grave in order to keep your sweet view?
 
2012-10-08 12:30:56 AM
Hey, early bird gets the...er, never mind.
 
2012-10-08 12:31:09 AM

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Just mail the corpse to someone in the Midwest or mountain states. Problem solved.


Jayne.jpeg

What'd you order a dead guy for?

But just toss them in the Hudson, they should dissolve soon enough.
 
2012-10-08 12:32:50 AM
If you think New York is a tough place to be buried, try San Francisco.

The only place one can be buried within the city limits is at the Presidio, and the only way to be buried at the Presidio is to be awarded the Medal of Honor.

(Now, if cremation is your thing, I hear the Neptune Society might still have some niches available.)
 
2012-10-08 12:33:38 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com

can relate.
 
2012-10-08 12:34:01 AM
Just donate your body to science. Problem sliced.
 
2012-10-08 12:35:41 AM

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: How does a cemetery plot work? Do you pay in perpetuity from the grave in order to keep your sweet view?


Why pay more to look at the same insides of a box as everyone else?
 
2012-10-08 12:35:42 AM
cdn2.tauntr.com
That's why I'm going out like Donny.
 
2012-10-08 12:36:41 AM
Cremate everybody, problem solved!
 
2012-10-08 12:37:20 AM

cheap_thoughts: Just donate your body to science. Problem sliced.


I used to date an awesome girl that seriously wanted to donate her body to the Body Farm. Not a bad idea really.
 
2012-10-08 12:37:48 AM

Pribar: Eddie Adams from Torrance: The 2 biggest wastes of usable land in America are cemeteries and golf courses... which of course leads to my brilliant idea... Shady Lawn Acres Cemetary and Country Club. Golfers don't care if there are people buried all over the course, as long as the headstones are flat so as not to interfere with play, and of course aren't allowed on the greens. Lots of golfers would also love to be buried on the 18th fairway.

even better have the golfers remains cremated and made into golf balls so they can "continue playing", let people rent out balls made from celebrities, man I can see endless possibilities here.


/off to the patent and trademark office...


Genius. Pure genius.
 
2012-10-08 12:38:52 AM
This is why I plan on being cremated and my ashes being added to an artificial reef. If I can bring life to other creatures through my death, then I have accomplished something with my life.
 
2012-10-08 12:40:23 AM
I hope we eventually get to the point as a society (or species) where cemeteries are seen as wasteful and obstructive by everyone.
I want my organs donated, and then they can just throw what's left into a forest or lake or otherwise let nature reclaim it.
 
2012-10-08 12:40:48 AM

Eddie Adams from Torrance: The 2 biggest wastes of usable land in America are cemeteries and golf courses... which of course leads to my brilliant idea... Shady Lawn Acres Cemetary and Country Club. Golfers don't care if there are people buried all over the course, as long as the headstones are flat so as not to interfere with play, and of course aren't allowed on the greens. Lots of golfers would also love to be buried on the 18th fairway.


That might present a problem when a foursome is teeing off just as Mavis is trying to pay respects to her late husband in the middle of the fairway, don't you think?
 
2012-10-08 12:41:01 AM

farkingismybusiness:
I used to date an awesome girl that seriously wanted to donate her body to the Body Farm. Not a bad idea really.


Did she have a nice body?
 
2012-10-08 12:41:14 AM
This is, another reason why catholics are a bane of our existence. Out breed everyone and waste good land to bury them.
 
2012-10-08 12:44:50 AM
I would be sad however if I couldn't visit Oscar Wilde's grave again. Granted it's a wasteful and stupid use of land, since he doesn't care, but I do understand the emotion that "This person I loved ended here."
 
2012-10-08 12:48:14 AM

God-is-a-Taco: farkingismybusiness:
I used to date an awesome girl that seriously wanted to donate her body to the Body Farm. Not a bad idea really.

Did she have a nice body?


Yep. And full sleeved tattoos which is one reason she wanted to do it. She also mentioned something about there is apparently a way you can skin off where the tattoos were and turn it into something kind of like leather, then give them to your friends as keepsakes. Not sure how true that is, but she had a certain tattoo she wanted to give me. She was pretty awesome.
 
2012-10-08 12:48:43 AM
Just toss my corpse in a lake and shoot at it till it sinks.
 
2012-10-08 12:49:49 AM

Pribar: Eddie Adams from Torrance: The 2 biggest wastes of usable land in America are cemeteries and golf courses... which of course leads to my brilliant idea... Shady Lawn Acres Cemetary and Country Club. Golfers don't care if there are people buried all over the course, as long as the headstones are flat so as not to interfere with play, and of course aren't allowed on the greens. Lots of golfers would also love to be buried on the 18th fairway.

even better have the golfers remains cremated and made into golf balls so they can "continue playing", let people rent out balls made from celebrities, man I can see endless possibilities here.


/off to the patent and trademark office...


It would be great for the ol' exploding ball trick.
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-10-08 12:50:10 AM

The5thElement: This is why I plan on being cremated and my ashes being added to an artificial reef. If I can bring life to other creatures through my death, then I have accomplished something with my life.


I was just going to be dumped in with sharks. I think you have me beat.
 
2012-10-08 01:00:07 AM

Britney Spear's Speculum: This is, another reason why catholics are a bane of our existence. Out breed everyone and waste good land to bury them.


Although Pope Benedict loathes to admit such, Catholics now use birth control with just about the same frequency as other religions. And cremation is now OK for Roman Catholics. Although I think they want you to bury the ashes?
 
2012-10-08 01:00:25 AM

Britney Spear's Speculum: This is, another reason why catholics are a bane of our existence. Out breed everyone and waste good land to bury them.


The Catholic Church lifted the ban on cremation almost 50 years ago. I bet you think we still hear Mass in Latin and require women to wear veils, too, you farking bigot.
 
2012-10-08 01:01:38 AM

Smackledorfer: The5thElement: This is why I plan on being cremated and my ashes being added to an artificial reef. If I can bring life to other creatures through my death, then I have accomplished something with my life.

I was just going to be dumped in with sharks. I think you have me beat.


There are several companies that do this. Particularly along the gulf coast.
 
2012-10-08 01:02:32 AM

Eddie Adams from Torrance: The 2 biggest wastes of usable land in America are cemeteries and golf courses...


Hey, golf courses are not a waste of land. Watch it, bud.
 
2012-10-08 01:03:48 AM

Ed Finnerty: Like there's a difference.


Done in one.
 
2012-10-08 01:05:27 AM
I live in NYC and can attest to the fact that apartment hunting here is a bloodsport; but at least when you finally do find a cemetery plot, you're absolutely guaranteed quiet neighbors.
 
2012-10-08 01:07:59 AM
This is why I told my family to either just cremate me and dump me somewhere or have my remains turned into a diamond. I'm not going to care all that much, I'll be dead. If they want the memento that's their issue, but I'll be damned if I'm wasting good tomato growing land somewhere.

/I like the diamond idea, that way some junkie descendent can sell me for a fix
//it's the little things in death that bring us the most joy
 
2012-10-08 01:17:08 AM
A coffin would probably be bigger than my apartment there was.

And I'd have a lot more luck with the babes next door.
 
2012-10-08 01:18:41 AM
I'll be buried in my family's cemetery. I have a lot of metal wire, bars and joint replacements. Hopefully I can be buried in a simple wood box. In 500 years, maybe we will have regressed to a pre-industrial society. Maybe they'll find my bones and all the metal and wonder what kind of man-machine I was. They could even put me in a museum.
 
2012-10-08 01:19:42 AM
Headline said "expensive" but article meandered without substance and no mention of howexpensive, before arriving at a link to "click to continue reading" which doesn't work. Anyone catch how expensive?
 
2012-10-08 01:31:46 AM
All I ask is for Willow Rosenburg not to desecrate my grave site.
 
2012-10-08 01:33:30 AM

gerbilpox: A coffin would probably be bigger than my apartment there was.

And I'd have a lot more luck with the babes next door.


I dunno, they'd probably be a little dead on their feet...
 
2012-10-08 01:34:34 AM
My will says, cremate me and dump the ashes in the ocean with no ceremony.

You got something to say, say it to my face while I am alive.

Hate like hell to think of a bunch of people moaning over my corpse saying what a great guy I was, when they said I was an SOB while I was alive.

\\ \\\ \\\ \\\ Funerals are a waste of flowers.
 
2012-10-08 01:38:29 AM
I too asked to be made into a diamond. There was a link here a while ago about a company that makes a full bust of you to house your ashes. Creepy.
My father is buried in Greenwood. It's a beautiful cemetery and I can see the appeal of a tour there. Some of the headstones are absolutely amazing.
 
2012-10-08 01:41:43 AM
Remember me from time to time, get on with your life
 
2012-10-08 01:43:01 AM
The Greenwood Cemetery guided tour is really rather fascinating. In the mid 1800's, Central Park and Prospect Park was not yet built. Greenwood, with the plush lawns and trees was used like a park for NYC residents with families going there for picnics and to escape the heat of the city. Lots of interesting folks buried there including a number of Civil War veterans. Some of the tombstones and monuments, especially of the super rich are real works of art. In the 1800's, NYC allowed humans to be buried along with their pets. Thus I saw a number of sweet tombstones of beloved pets. Also touching and very common in those times, was tombstones and monuments of deceased children.

What I also recall about my group tour of Greenwood is that I scheduled the tour in advance and the day of the tour in the Spring of 2002, I was going through a severe depressive episode. I pushed myself to go on the tour and it was good to be in a social setting, as well as a natural setting with grass and trees which can both be uplifting when one is depressed. However, probably wasn't a good idea to go on an outing which the focus was on death and dead bodies, when I was in the depths of a depression and had suicidal ideation.
 
2012-10-08 01:43:28 AM

bangmaid: Eddie Adams from Torrance: The 2 biggest wastes of usable land in America are cemeteries and golf courses... which of course leads to my brilliant idea... Shady Lawn Acres Cemetary and Country Club. Golfers don't care if there are people buried all over the course, as long as the headstones are flat so as not to interfere with play, and of course aren't allowed on the greens. Lots of golfers would also love to be buried on the 18th fairway.

That might present a problem when a foursome is teeing off just as Mavis is trying to pay respects to her late husband in the middle of the fairway, don't you think?


That's not a bug; it's a feature. It would help to get rid of excess old people without the hassle of a death panel.

/ poor nanna; golf ball to the dome

// I keed, I keed
 
2012-10-08 01:44:54 AM
STAY OFF MY GODDAMN GRAVE AND IF YOU BREAK ANY OF THEM FLOWERS YOU WILL PAY FOR THEM!


stupid ass son of a biatch
 
2012-10-08 01:46:58 AM

marsgwar: I'll be buried in my family's cemetery. I have a lot of metal wire, bars and joint replacements. Hopefully I can be buried in a simple wood box. In 500 years, maybe we will have regressed to a pre-industrial society. Maybe they'll find my bones and all the metal and wonder what kind of man-machine I was. They could even put me in a museum.


Who are you kidding? You'd be lucky to get the gig of classroom skeleton.

What's more likely? Three words: baudy puppet shows.
 
2012-10-08 01:50:16 AM
FTFA : If you want to make someone immediately uncomfortable, ask what he plans to do with his body, when his heart has stopped beating and his flesh has gone cold.

I think that only works for religious people. Those seem to be the ones hung up on death. (Which is odd, because it seems like atheists would be worrying more about it.)

Death is natural. It is going to happen to all of us. If you're single, with no family, then I suppose you don't need to plan. But if you have family you care about, you should plan ahead just to make things easier on them. A will, a plot and such if you want to be buried, whatever. A plan.

Myself, I'm going to have my body donated to the UT Southwest medical center. They use bodies for research, and for medical training. I won't have any need for my body, so let somebody get some use out of it. It also means no money needed for a plot, coffin, etc. They take care of things.

I've always thought burial was a bit odd. People expect that after they die, they will get a little plot of earth, set aside just for them, and it'll be theirs forever. That just doesn't make sense to me.
 
2012-10-08 01:52:56 AM
Me? I want to be left under the window of the Governor's Office at the Wisconsin State Capitol. If Scott Walker thinks he's the only one that can stink up the joint, he should have some competition!
 
2012-10-08 01:56:50 AM
For the longest time I figured on bieng cremated.

As I contemplate death more as I grow older however, I kind of like the idea of a park like setting to hang out at while I'm still alive, burning a fat one while considering my mortality, knowing that my bones will be right here, long after it's lights out for TomD9938.

I know it's wasteful, but hey, I'm in the upper midwest, and the land is plentiful enough that I've probably got two or maybe even three centuries before the condos get built.
 
2012-10-08 02:20:25 AM

Ed Finnerty: Like there's a difference.


cdn6.staztic.com
 
2012-10-08 02:21:32 AM

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: How does a cemetery plot work? Do you pay in perpetuity from the grave in order to keep your sweet view?


Basically, yes. The cost of a plot (which is only a few dozen square feet) is usually many thousands of dollars, even in less populated areas. That money goes into a fund where it is pooled with all the other plot owners and (minus the purchase cost of the land) invested in some kind of conservative investments. If the cemetery is organized as a nonprofit, there would probably be no tax, so the earnings would only have to go toward paying the salary for a groundskeeper to tend the grass and shrubs and keep the headstones clean -- plus some administrative overhead.
 
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