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(Cracked)   A Cracked slideshow ... hey, come back here, this is one of the best you'll see. 21 Facebook features that need to exist   (cracked.com) divider line 45
    More: Amusing, Facebook, Facebook page  
•       •       •

8435 clicks; posted to Geek » on 06 Oct 2012 at 9:16 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



45 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-10-06 07:15:34 AM  
I swear there was a period after "here".
 
2012-10-06 07:49:43 AM  
Thx for the correction Admin! Appreciated!
 
2012-10-06 08:08:04 AM  
No. Tell it to that zuckerberg asshole.
 
2012-10-06 09:22:06 AM  
stalk button?

/ dnrtfa
 
2012-10-06 09:24:25 AM  
 
2012-10-06 09:27:28 AM  

swahnhennessy: Deslid


Danke
 
2012-10-06 09:30:33 AM  
OK, that was pretty funny. SOme of it damn useful, like the absolutely no relatives or friends of relatives.
 
2012-10-06 09:36:27 AM  

Easy Reader: OK, that was pretty funny. SOme of it damn useful, like the absolutely no relatives or friends of relatives.


That was the one that sold me on this list..

That and the "vague emo post limiter" which would be a godsend to me. I love my friends, but GAWD do a few of them get butthurt easy.
 
2012-10-06 09:45:26 AM  
If you need 21 features that don't exist and will never exist on Facebook, maybe you shouldn't use it.
 
2012-10-06 09:51:33 AM  
Subby needs to find the "Display as article" button on the right side of the screen.
 
2012-10-06 09:52:58 AM  

Easy Reader: OK, that was pretty funny. SOme of it damn useful, like the absolutely no relatives or friends of relatives.


Definitely. And the Peanutsify for the whiners who manage to get through the angsty comment filter. My cousin's daughter makes stupid angsty comments all the time that display minimal control in the English language. I'd just block her, but she occasionally has pictures of my other cousin's baby, and I like to see them.
 
2012-10-06 09:57:10 AM  

oryx: If you need 21 features that don't exist and will never exist on Facebook, maybe you shouldn't use it.


Well, that's why the feature to actually (permanently) delete your damn profile/photos/existence on the site should exist.
 
2012-10-06 10:08:58 AM  

RassilonsExWife: Subby needs to find the "Display as article" button on the right side of the screen.


^Yeah, this. That's the nice thing about Cracked slideshows, they give you the option to not be a slideshow right there.
 
2012-10-06 10:13:34 AM  

Arachnophobe: RassilonsExWife: Subby needs to find the "Display as article" button on the right side of the screen.

^Yeah, this. That's the nice thing about Cracked slideshows, they give you the option to not be a slideshow right there.


Well, damn. I've never noticed that button before either. Learned something new....
 
2012-10-06 10:16:59 AM  

Arachnophobe: RassilonsExWife: Subby needs to find the "Display as article" button on the right side of the screen.

^Yeah, this. That's the nice thing about Cracked slideshows, they give you the option to not be a slideshow right there.


I'm the subby.. and I have found in the past that the cookie doesn't seem to set for that option when linked remotely. It might have changed, but there was an issue with it in the past.

/I don't mind cracked slideshows because they are smart enough to enable keyboard "arrow" controls.. so you don't have to click.
 
2012-10-06 10:20:30 AM  

Shadow Blasko: Arachnophobe: RassilonsExWife: Subby needs to find the "Display as article" button on the right side of the screen.

^Yeah, this. That's the nice thing about Cracked slideshows, they give you the option to not be a slideshow right there.

I'm the subby.. and I have found in the past that the cookie doesn't seem to set for that option when linked remotely. It might have changed, but there was an issue with it in the past.

/I don't mind cracked slideshows because they are smart enough to enable keyboard "arrow" controls.. so you don't have to click.


They're about as smooth as a slideshow is going to go, I don't mind them. The usual ones I see elsewhere reload the page, and have an ad after every 3rd one.
 
2012-10-06 10:34:32 AM  
I wish I could Peanutify the real world
 
2012-10-06 10:41:23 AM  

Luthien's Tempest: Easy Reader: OK, that was pretty funny. SOme of it damn useful, like the absolutely no relatives or friends of relatives.

Definitely. And the Peanutsify for the whiners who manage to get through the angsty comment filter. My cousin's daughter makes stupid angsty comments all the time that display minimal control in the English language. I'd just block her, but she occasionally has pictures of my other cousin's baby, and I like to see them.


Peanutsify seems like it'd be doable as a Firefox add-on.
 
2012-10-06 10:57:35 AM  

Dhusk: I wish I could Peanutify the real worldpolitics tab.


I would like a Jesus-Be-Gone filter. Then U'd have a blank page every day.
 
2012-10-06 11:53:54 AM  

AMonkey'sUncle: Dhusk: I wish I could Peanutify the real worldpolitics tab.

I would like a Jesus-Be-Gone filter. Then U'd have a blank page every day.


Just don't de-friend him. You don't want Jesus pissed at you.
 
2012-10-06 12:20:41 PM  

AMonkey'sUncle: Dhusk: I wish I could Peanutify the real worldpolitics tab.

I would like a Jesus-Be-Gone filter. Then U'd have a blank page every day.


My experience has been that the first mention of Jesus or Christianity in most threads are, like this thread, by those critical or mocking. Perhaps your first step should be to stop talking about how you don't want to talk about him.
 
2012-10-06 12:35:37 PM  
The "Peanutify" reminds me of this 
lh5.googleusercontent.com
 
2012-10-06 12:38:03 PM  

RickN99: AMonkey'sUncle: Dhusk: I wish I could Peanutify the real worldpolitics tab.

I would like a Jesus-Be-Gone filter. Then U'd have a blank page every day.

Waaaaaaa waaaaaaaaa waaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaa WAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAH!


Works great.
 
2012-10-06 12:38:48 PM  
i18.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-06 12:54:36 PM  
Worst link evar.

A Cracked slideshow ... hey, come back here, this is one of the best you'll see. 21 Facebook features that need to exist

Since there is no reason for Facebook to exist, there is logically no reason for the features to exist. Meaning there is no reason for the article to exist. And since everyone knows there is no reason for Cracked to exist, there is no reason for this link to exist.

And before you Facebook fanatics go getting your panties in a wad, keep in mind that Facebook's money-making strategy for the future will center around charging you (rumors are 5 cents) every time you post something. So warm up your "sad trombone".
 
2012-10-06 01:11:54 PM  

MikeSass: And before you Facebook fanatics go getting your panties in a wad, keep in mind that Facebook's money-making strategy for the future will center around charging you (rumors are 5 cents) every time you post something. So warm up your "sad trombone".


Yeah, I doubt that'll happen. The people who run Facebook seem to enjoy having a company.
 
2012-10-06 01:13:59 PM  

MikeSass: Worst link evar.

A Cracked slideshow ... hey, come back here, this is one of the best you'll see. 21 Facebook features that need to exist

Since there is no reason for Facebook to exist, there is logically no reason for the features to exist. Meaning there is no reason for the article to exist. And since everyone knows there is no reason for Cracked to exist, there is no reason for this link to exist.

And before you Facebook fanatics go getting your panties in a wad, keep in mind that Facebook's money-making strategy for the future will center around charging you (rumors are 5 cents) every time you post something. So warm up your "sad trombone".


That's why I copied and pasted a paragraph from a relatives Page, and by doing so, garunteed my Facebook would be free when they start charging for it!

/they won't be charging per post.
//won't happen
 
2012-10-06 01:29:52 PM  
Solid list, even their slideshow method was less painful then listening to MikeSass whine about how few friends he apparently has and simultaneously earning a "wouldn't be surprised to later on read about him going all sideshow bob somewhere" farky. Thanks Shadow Blasko.
 
2012-10-06 01:33:32 PM  
The duck face filter was broken, that woman wasn't duckfacing.
 
2012-10-06 02:03:53 PM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: AMonkey'sUncle: Dhusk: I wish I could Peanutify the real worldpolitics tab.

I would like a Jesus-Be-Gone filter. Then U'd have a blank page every day.

Just don't de-friend him. You don't want Jesus pissed at you.


Yeah, you gotta have a friend in Jesus so you know that when you die he's gonna recommend you to the spirit in the sky.
 
2012-10-06 03:01:34 PM  
#16...
Is it creepy if they're cousins-once-removed?
 
2012-10-06 04:10:48 PM  
MikeSass :Facebook's money-making strategy for the future will center around charging you (rumors are 5 cents) every time you post something. So warm up your "sad trombone".

i.crackedcdn.com
 
2012-10-06 05:40:34 PM  
Oh you naive children. Just because it was a hoax a few years ago doesn't mean that they aren't going to implement it in the future. As you can see by clicking on this article in the Sydney Morning Herald, the transition process is already beginning. They are figuring out price points while we speak. They would not do a study like this if they weren't planning on moving forward with it.

A few years ago when the hoaxes were running around they had no reason to charge people. Now they do. They are under tremendous pressure from their remaining investors to generate real revenue, and you simply can't do that unless you charge people to use it. Ad revenue will pay the bills, but not much more. If you want profit, you have to charge your users. It really is that simple.
 
2012-10-06 05:51:11 PM  

MikeSass: Oh you naive children. Just because it was a hoax a few years ago doesn't mean that they aren't going to implement it in the future. As you can see by clicking on this article in the Sydney Morning Herald, the transition process is already beginning. They are figuring out price points while we speak. They would not do a study like this if they weren't planning on moving forward with it.

A few years ago when the hoaxes were running around they had no reason to charge people. Now they do. They are under tremendous pressure from their remaining investors to generate real revenue, and you simply can't do that unless you charge people to use it. Ad revenue will pay the bills, but not much more. If you want profit, you have to charge your users. It really is that simple.


Yeah... you know, paying to highlight posts and paying to post are two entirely different things.

They won't change to pay-to-post. They like having users far too much.
 
2012-10-06 06:05:42 PM  

MikeSass: Oh you naive children. Just because it was a hoax a few years ago doesn't mean that they aren't going to implement it in the future. As you can see by clicking on this article in the Sydney Morning Herald, the transition process is already beginning. They are figuring out price points while we speak. They would not do a study like this if they weren't planning on moving forward with it.

A few years ago when the hoaxes were running around they had no reason to charge people. Now they do. They are under tremendous pressure from their remaining investors to generate real revenue, and you simply can't do that unless you charge people to use it. Ad revenue will pay the bills, but not much more. If you want profit, you have to charge your users. It really is that simple.


The article is legit but doesn't necessarily mean they are going to charge people per post, though I too have heard (from several different industry contacts) that such a plan is in the works. But I hear lots of things that never come to pass, so I am still skeptical. Not that I don't think Fb wouldn't do it, I am sure they would if they thought they could get away with it. What does lend the thought a great deal of credibility is this: "Ad revenue will pay the bills, but not much more. If you want profit, you have to charge your users." While you oversimplified it a little bit, that has been the mantra of online business for the last 5 years or so, and I have never heard it as much as I have since Facebook announced it was going public. It is the absolute truth of online business, and there is no escaping that reality. Not even for Facebook. They are going to have to do something to make enough money to pay worthwhile dividends to their investors, and you can be damn sure they are aware of the truth of this tenet. So while it may not be per post, they will almost certainly be charging users for something in the not too distant future. There just isn't any way for them to avoid it anymore.

/In internet-based advertising and marketing development for 16 years, FWIW
 
2012-10-06 06:35:53 PM  
As far as slideshows go, the click the button to slide over without reloading is about as good as it can get. And yet, people still derp.
 
2012-10-06 07:35:01 PM  

HeartBurnKid: Yeah... you know, paying to highlight posts and paying to post are two entirely different things.


Yes, but as the article said this study is being used to determine price points, not necessarily to establish a complete picture of what feature(s) those price points are going to be attached to. If the past is any indication of the future, they will be doing exactly what every other tech company has done...they will follow the drug dealer business model. They have already given everything away for free and gotten everyone hooked who is going to be hooked. Now they will start charging. A little here for this, a little there for that. Yes, he will lose some people, but not many. The next year charge a little more and a few more things will cost, and he loses a few more people, but not many because it won't be a huge difference to the individual user money-wise. Plus, the cost increase will make up for it. And so on and so on, until they have bled everyone still on board as efficiently as possible. Then Zuck will sell his interest to some poor sap who still thinks a few bucks can be made off it. It is called capitalism, and he signed up to do it this way the minute the opening bell rang and the first person bought his stock.

You don't have to see it that way if you don't want to. Denial is convenient that way, and I really don't care whether you do or not. In fact part of me wants to see Facebookies painfully shelling out cash to do what blogs and email have been able to do for free this whole time. It is very PT Barnum, and it amuses me.
 
2012-10-06 08:38:35 PM  
The day they start charging for Facebook, is the day they would lose a huge percentage of their users. Google+ would love to see this day.
 
2012-10-06 08:41:04 PM  

swahnhennessy: Deslid


What's funny is that there's a deslide button right on their page... "Article View", upper right.
 
2012-10-06 10:26:08 PM  

MikeSass: You don't have to see it that way if you don't want to. Denial is convenient that way, and I really don't care whether you do or not. In fact part of me wants to see Facebookies painfully shelling out cash to do what blogs and email have been able to do for free this whole time. It is very PT Barnum, and it amuses me.


That's the thing: Nobody is going to pay to post on Facebook, except possibly for companies advertising products -- and they'll only pay if there are people around to read their posts, which there won't be if they have to pay for it. People will move on to something else, whether that ends up being Google+ or another service. The reason Facebook is so popular is because it's free, and Zuckerberg isn't too stupid to realize that.
 
2012-10-06 11:00:25 PM  
meanmutton
swahnhennessy:
Deslid

What's funny is that there's a deslide button right on their page... "Article View", upper right.


What's sad is that the button requires Javascript and cookies to work.
 
2012-10-06 11:53:49 PM  

meanmutton: swahnhennessy: Deslid

What's funny is that there's a deslide button right on their page... "Article View", upper right.


No, what's funny is that Article View still breaks it up into two pages. That's Cracked for you.
 
2012-10-07 12:02:36 AM  

Shadow Blasko: Arachnophobe: RassilonsExWife: Subby needs to find the "Display as article" button on the right side of the screen.

^Yeah, this. That's the nice thing about Cracked slideshows, they give you the option to not be a slideshow right there.

I'm the subby.. and I have found in the past that the cookie doesn't seem to set for that option when linked remotely. It might have changed, but there was an issue with it in the past.

/I don't mind cracked slideshows because they are smart enough to enable keyboard "arrow" controls.. so you don't have to click.


also, when clicking next/using keyboard it just smoothly slides to the next picture. i only hate the slideshows that reload the ENTIRE farkING PAGE every time you hit next. cracked is pretty much exactly how slideshows should work. no complaints here.
 
2012-10-07 01:00:06 AM  

Fade2black: As far as slideshows go, the click the button to slide over without reloading is about as good as it can get. And yet, people still derp.


Maybe, and this is a far off thing here, so bear with me, people don't like slideshows.

It's like putting ketchup on a shiat sandwich and being baffled how people 'just don't like to eat a shiat sandwich. But it has KETCHUP!'
 
2012-10-07 03:43:52 AM  
I actually enjoyed a cracked article...my world will never be the same
 
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