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(Buzzfeed)   The eight most useless pieces of exercise equipment. It's amazing anyone ever bought a Soloflex   (buzzfeed.com) divider line 113
    More: Silly, exercise equipment, Suzanne Somers, R.J. Reynolds, rollers, Shake Weight  
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20553 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Oct 2012 at 7:22 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-06 01:01:13 AM
Soloflex is awesome. Try benchpressing to exhaustion with freeweights alone and then get back to me if you can ever lift the bar off your throat.
 
2012-10-06 07:18:36 AM
stevenhomartialarts.com
 
2012-10-06 07:25:39 AM
Oh man, that back roller thing looks amazing. I bet it would feel awesome right up to the point my hair got caught in it.
 
2012-10-06 07:26:06 AM
No Shake Weight?
 
2012-10-06 07:31:39 AM
The Hawaii Chair gave me the strangest boner.
 
2012-10-06 07:34:29 AM

fluffy2097: Oh man, that back roller thing looks amazing. I bet it would feel awesome right up to the point my hair got caught in it.


But you got to admit. That skin tight onesy is hot
 
2012-10-06 07:36:11 AM

Summoner101: No Shake Weight?


It says useless!
 
2012-10-06 07:37:46 AM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-10-06 07:39:55 AM

fluffy2097: Oh man, that back roller thing looks amazing. I bet it would feel awesome right up to the point my hair got caught in it.



I don't think you're supposed to do it in the nude.
 
2012-10-06 07:39:59 AM
Lololol I remember the thigh master,my aunt had one. What a goofy looking thing. That roller massage thing reminds me of those farked up little rolling things from PE when I was a kid,I got my wrist caught up in the wheel and it farked my wrist up. I couldn't imagine what would happen if your hair got caught up in that.
 
2012-10-06 07:40:13 AM

oukewldave: Summoner101: No Shake Weight?

It says useless!


I don't need no machine to get that kind of exercise!
 
2012-10-06 07:41:11 AM
Southside Steve Rickman from The Regular Guys in Atlanta, we're looking at you.
 
2012-10-06 07:44:55 AM

GungFu: fluffy2097: Oh man, that back roller thing looks amazing. I bet it would feel awesome right up to the point my hair got caught in it.


I don't think you're supposed to do it in the nude.


Work out and trim the bushes AT THE SAME TIME!!
 
2012-10-06 07:46:07 AM
The video for the ViPR is hilarious..
 
2012-10-06 07:46:09 AM
I was hoping for writeups and explanations on why they were so useless. Not just pictures with a caption saying "Eh! Amirite!"

I guess I was just expecting an actual article. Not just some bullshiat thrown together.

/say what you want, cracked actually hires actual writers and has set a standard for comedy articles
 
2012-10-06 07:51:49 AM
While they may not provide the benefits their ads promise, any resistance movement will help with muscle tone and help burn extra calories. It is easy to mock something if you are not bothered by facts.

Physical therapists use mild resistance bands that are not unlike these devices every day to rehabilitate and tone muscles.
 
2012-10-06 07:51:52 AM

sure haven't: I was hoping for writeups and explanations on why they were so useless. Not just pictures with a caption saying "Eh! Amirite!"

I guess I was just expecting an actual article. Not just some bullshiat thrown together.

/say what you want, cracked actually hires actual writers and has set a standard for comedy articles


Ha! I was thinking the same thing. Just settled down with my morning coffee and Saturday pre-dawn Farkery, and the headline sounded golden. no witty commentary - just a few pics. Lame.
 
2012-10-06 07:54:24 AM

styckx: The video for the ViPR is hilarious..


But those chicks have great legs...
 
2012-10-06 07:59:00 AM
How can you mock VIPR, you need to be certified to teach its use, it must be great


Link Link goes to certification page



10/6/2012
SOLD OUT! ViPR Certification

ViPR Certification _ Sold Out
New York, NY
11/1/2012
ViPR Certification

ViPR Certification
Chicago, IL
11/18/2012
ViPR Certification

ViPR Certification
Open Menu
La Jolla, CA
 
2012-10-06 08:12:30 AM

blackhonda: How can you mock VIPR, you need to be certified to teach its use, it must be great


Link Link goes to certification page



10/6/2012
SOLD OUT! ViPR Certification

ViPR Certification _ Sold Out
New York, NY
11/1/2012
ViPR Certification

ViPR Certification
Chicago, IL
11/18/2012
ViPR Certification

ViPR Certification
Open Menu
La Jolla, CA


oi47.tinypic.com
 
2012-10-06 08:13:39 AM
This link = a short list of crap my ex-wife bought
 
2012-10-06 08:14:47 AM
No $14k ROM? Listfail
 
2012-10-06 08:20:44 AM

syrynxx: Soloflex is awesome. Try benchpressing to exhaustion with freeweights alone and then get back to me if you can ever lift the bar off your throat.



If you're doing it to the point where you cant lift one more, you're doing it wrong.
 
2012-10-06 08:29:21 AM
This must be from the eighties on. The stuff from early 20th century is hilarious.
 
2012-10-06 08:31:08 AM
I vaguely recall on Cracked some sort of green dildo thing that David Carradine was advertising for. Poor bastard really hit his low point there. The suicide was inevitable.
 
2012-10-06 08:35:14 AM
s3-ec.buzzfed.com

I don't know, she seems to be getting her money's worth.
 
2012-10-06 08:38:10 AM
s3-ec.buzzfed.com

So what other colors does she come in?
 
2012-10-06 08:42:03 AM

styckx: The video for the ViPR is hilarious..


If you follow the youtube the link the same guy has over 90 videos all selling his exercise equipment, There is one which is basically a target. You kneel on the floor and tap it alternately with both hands. What a visionary.
 
2012-10-06 08:44:54 AM

themasterdebater: [s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 625x438]

So what other colors does she come in?


Looks like she is coming in green.
 
2012-10-06 08:54:17 AM

GungFu: fluffy2097: Oh man, that back roller thing looks amazing. I bet it would feel awesome right up to the point my hair got caught in it.


I don't think you're supposed to do it in the nude.


BWAHAHAHA!!!!!
 
zez
2012-10-06 08:56:28 AM
My mom bought something off TV similar to this in the 70s

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2012-10-06 08:56:43 AM
Tanthalas39: No $14k ROM? Listfail

This. All the hell this.

For anyone who doesn't know what the ROM is, google it. It's an absurd all-in-one exercise machine that retailed for $10-$15k (currently offered for as little as just $7k) that looks like an accident at an early-1970s gym and allegedly gives you a complete workout in 4 minutes.

It was designed by an artist as an art project but marketed in a manner that would embarrass The Sharper Image. They used to run full-page ads in the backs of various magazines they thought were purchased by gullible rich people. It's faintly hilarious.
 
2012-10-06 09:00:42 AM
Pretty much anything other than a barbell, a squat rack, and a bench is useless exercise equipment for 99% of people's strength training needs.
 
2012-10-06 09:02:18 AM

Summoner101: oukewldave: Summoner101: No Shake Weight?

It says useless!

I don't need no machine to get that kind of exercise!


You'd think most women would already be experts at that move. Well, straight women anyway.



/be here all week
 
2012-10-06 09:04:01 AM
#3 is actually one of the most useful pieces of equipment. Except its been castrated by laws about human safety.

It needs to weigh a bit more and be a little less flexible.
 
2012-10-06 09:07:37 AM
Ahem...

i235.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-06 09:26:56 AM

blackhonda: While they may not provide the benefits their ads promise, any resistance movement will help with muscle tone and help burn extra calories. It is easy to mock something if you are not bothered by facts.

Physical therapists use mild resistance bands that are not unlike these devices every day to rehabilitate and tone muscles.


There is no such thing as muscle tone. "Toning" is losing fat, and you can't lose fat from a specific body part by exercise alone; the body determines where the fat comes from.
 
2012-10-06 09:27:23 AM
YOU CAN DO IT!
 
2012-10-06 09:32:46 AM
I always loved the thigh master...

And the picture of the young lady here makes me love it even more.
 
2012-10-06 09:35:49 AM

RandomAxe: Tanthalas39: No $14k ROM? Listfail

This. All the hell this.

For anyone who doesn't know what the ROM is, google it. It's an absurd all-in-one exercise machine that retailed for $10-$15k (currently offered for as little as just $7k) that looks like an accident at an early-1970s gym and allegedly gives you a complete workout in 4 minutes.

It was designed by an artist as an art project but marketed in a manner that would embarrass The Sharper Image. They used to run full-page ads in the backs of various magazines they thought were purchased by gullible rich people. It's faintly hilarious.


I saw it in Skymall recently. The ads keep shrinking. But I guess you can sell $20/year and make a living.
 
2012-10-06 09:48:53 AM

zez: My mom bought something off TV similar to this in the 70s

[ecx.images-amazon.com image 300x300]



My ex bought one too, damn rope was made of this cheap plastic that shredded as it passed through the rollers so that you could either lay there and be blinded and suffocated by the crap falling in your face or keep a towel over your face while you "exercised"
 
2012-10-06 09:56:23 AM

machoprogrammer: There is no such thing as muscle tone


Odd that it's used to diagnose many illnesses.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle_tone

But no no, carry on, you're a big bad programmer.
 
2012-10-06 10:09:29 AM

TheGreatGazoo: RandomAxe: Tanthalas39: No $14k ROM? Listfail

This. All the hell this.

For anyone who doesn't know what the ROM is, google it. It's an absurd all-in-one exercise machine that retailed for $10-$15k (currently offered for as little as just $7k) that looks like an accident at an early-1970s gym and allegedly gives you a complete workout in 4 minutes.

It was designed by an artist as an art project but marketed in a manner that would embarrass The Sharper Image. They used to run full-page ads in the backs of various magazines they thought were purchased by gullible rich people. It's faintly hilarious.

I saw it in Skymall recently. The ads keep shrinking. But I guess you can sell $20/year and make a living.


I actually did some research on that piece of equipment and it does work. However, I found that the principle behind it is short burst interval training much like the Tabata method. Basically you do full body exercise at an extreme level for short bursts with minimal rest periods - it's difficult and very effective. The fun part is that you can do it virtually for free - just do sprints or squat thrusts or clean and press or some other full body exercise in intervals. There's a 99 cent iPhone app that will give you the interval alarms (user adjustable). Tha actual Tabata routine is virtually impossible to complete - something to work toward,
 
2012-10-06 10:09:35 AM

themasterdebater: [s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 625x438]

So what other colors does she come in?


Your comment reminded me of this (NSFW if you work for prudes)
 
2012-10-06 10:12:56 AM

TheGreatGazoo: I saw it in Skymall recently. The ads keep shrinking. But I guess you can sell $20/year and make a living.


Yes, they're still selling them. I've seen ads in some magazines that I picked up somewhere--good magazines too, like Smithsonian and Nature and places like that. I also wondered who the fark would buy something like that. People who have more money than sense, I guess. "Four-minute workout" indeed. And these people read science magazines......

From their farking website:

1. How can you possibly get a cardio workout in only 4 minutes per day when almost all people, including most "experts" apparently, believe that a cardiovascular workout requires at least 20 to 45 minutes?

TIME REQUIREMENT FOR A CARDIO WORKOUT
The time required for an effective cardio-vascular exercise depends on the degree of oxygen consumption during the workout. The greater the amount of oxygen consumption during the workout, the shorter the required duration of a cardio workout. In other words, the quality of the workout determines the time required. More muscle cells involved means higher oxygen consumption means less time required. In fact the time requirement is exponentially less when the oxygen consumption increases in a linear fashion. The ROM enables even totally out of shape people and seniors to achieve much higher oxygen consumption levels than with ANY OTHER FORM OF CONVENTIONAL EXERCISE and therefore they can shorten their exercise periods while getting superior results.
 
2012-10-06 10:16:47 AM

Quantum Apostrophe: machoprogrammer: There is no such thing as muscle tone

Odd that it's used to diagnose many illnesses.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle_tone

But no no, carry on, you're a big bad programmer.


There is such a thing as muscle tone, it's the visibility of musculature, usually in relation to bodyfat %.

His overall point still stands, though, as there isn't such a thing as "muscle toning" exercises or exercise equipment. There's simply muscle building and fat loss.
 
2012-10-06 10:18:07 AM

memebot_of_doom: [s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 625x438]

I don't know, she seems to be getting her money's worth.


One on the left is post-O and the one on the right is about to arrive. So, yeah, considering in those days women weren't supposed to touch themselves, seems like a good bargain.
 
2012-10-06 10:25:59 AM
i gotta take issue with his views on the Bullworker. I have a regular Bullworker and a Steel Bow and get great results with them.
 
2012-10-06 10:28:53 AM

theToadMan: fluffy2097: Oh man, that back roller thing looks amazing. I bet it would feel awesome right up to the point my hair got caught in it.

But you got to admit. That skin tight onesy is hot


Damn right it is. So revealing, yet totally covered.
 
2012-10-06 10:37:41 AM

Quantum Apostrophe: machoprogrammer: There is no such thing as muscle tone

Odd that it's used to diagnose many illnesses.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle_tone

But no no, carry on, you're a big bad programmer.


Let me rephrase it then, because apparently you couldn't detect I meant it in the way he was using it. Muscle toning, in the way he was referring to it, doesn't exist. Doing 1000 situps doesn't give you 6pack abs and doing 1000 bicep curls don't make your arms more toned. Better?
 
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