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    More: Sad, I-81, Virginia State Police, trucks  
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26302 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2012 at 3:23 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-10-05 03:36:21 PM  
12 votes:
This closed the highway into work this morning for over two hours. I was stuck in traffic for about three and a half. This morning at the gym was weights and I always pound a protein shake just before I leave the gym. It's an off and on kind of thing, but sometimes the shakes give me explosive diarrhea. Those mornings, I have to speed and sprint into the office before I shame myself. Wouldn't you know that I had an attack this morning sitting in traffic.

It was especially bad because I was right up alongside where the truck was overturned. The accident mangled the driver pretty bad, so they were basically cutting chunks of him out of the vehicle and throwing them into a pile alongside the road. He was a big fat bastard, like most of them, so the pile was a good four feet high. That's a pretty barren stretch otherwise, so I didn't have much choice but to try to hide behind the body and do my business.

I don't know if it's much a consolation to anyone else who was stuck in this traffic, but I crapped on him pretty good and then used his flannel to wipe with. Check your tires before you ruin everyone's Friday, asshole.
2012-10-05 04:29:13 PM  
4 votes:
Fox news is reporting that a second line painting truck has just hit the CNN tower.
2012-10-05 03:24:01 PM  
3 votes:
www.weirduniverse.net
2012-10-05 03:43:15 PM  
2 votes:

cretinbob: One of the coolest things about Ohio, is that if you stop at the first rest stop coming into the state from PA, there is a monument to all the state DOT workers who died, well, in the line of duty. Those guys have one hell of a dangerous job and are extremely overlooked.


Also, if that's one of the coolest things about Ohio remind me to stay out of Ohio.
2012-10-05 03:26:40 PM  
2 votes:
cdn.motinetwork.net
2012-10-05 09:08:51 PM  
1 votes:

spentmiles: This closed the highway into work this morning for over two hours. I was stuck in traffic for about three and a half. This morning at the gym was weights and I always pound a protein shake just before I leave the gym. It's an off and on kind of thing, but sometimes the shakes give me explosive diarrhea. Those mornings, I have to speed and sprint into the office before I shame myself. Wouldn't you know that I had an attack this morning sitting in traffic.

It was especially bad because I was right up alongside where the truck was overturned. The accident mangled the driver pretty bad, so they were basically cutting chunks of him out of the vehicle and throwing them into a pile alongside the road. He was a big fat bastard, like most of them, so the pile was a good four feet high. That's a pretty barren stretch otherwise, so I didn't have much choice but to try to hide behind the body and do my business.

I don't know if it's much a consolation to anyone else who was stuck in this traffic, but I crapped on him pretty good and then used his flannel to wipe with. Check your tires before you ruin everyone's Friday, asshole.


POOP THREAD!!!!1!
2012-10-05 08:51:11 PM  
1 votes:

DeathCipris: I am actually pretty familiar with the Raphine area. Those are some steep ass sides on that stretch of road. My guess is that thing didn't just overturn once, but that baby flipped and rolled a few times. It is a bit ironic a VDOT truck isn't better maintained though...


What's an ass side?
2012-10-05 05:22:26 PM  
1 votes:
sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net

/Wanted for questioning
2012-10-05 05:14:50 PM  
1 votes:

Rabbitgod: I drove past this today, It looked really bad.


Did you happen to see the guy squatting behind the driver's carcass? I hear he works out.
2012-10-05 04:32:54 PM  
1 votes:
NASCAR would attain new respectability if they had specialty machines line road line painting trucks race every once in a while. if each truck laid a different color paint in their wake the event would soon go from artistic to "holy shiat do you see that mofo spin out?"

/hat's off to you, state worker guy
2012-10-05 04:18:49 PM  
1 votes:

halfof33: ransack.: You don't know funny, n00b

I don't think that Spent smiles is going to sleep with you, Biff.

But i guess you are one of those guys who forwards his posts to your "google group" huh? Actually That's a pretty funny image.

I imagine you sitting in your parent's- no grandmother's- basement, with some kind of headset apparatus on your acne pocked melon, snorting with laughter. Your potato fingers stab at an oversized keypad and suddenly your only friend in the world, Gnuyn your pen pal from Cambodia, answers the phone and you grunt to him in your exclusive made-up pet language that he should check out fark.com and read his post.

Of course he has no idea what you are talking about. He never has. But he clucks into the receiver slavishly because your mom keeps sending him ten dollar bills every christmas so he has to be nice to you.

You chuckle some more, careful not to spill your capri sun, and then finger type a post bookended by some dazzling html that makes it stand out from all the others with its bold color. You are so proud of yourself that you don't bother to read any other comments, you simply 'ctl f' your login over and over again to keep track of all the felating responses to your superior humor. Gnuyn laughs nervously. You take that as a compliment.

You reread your posts until you become aroused and have to start typing one-handed. You come close to climaxing when you find someone who spelled "you are" as "your." Deep down you wish you had someone else to call that would actually listen to your nonsense- and you know it's nonsense. If you posted anything close to a rational thought no one would respond to you- you know, you've tried. So you blather on. You pray that someone will reply in the same way most of us pray we had two dicks. Perhaps we can borrow yours? Since you've never bothered to use it?

You briefly wonder what it would be like to be with a woman. A second later you regain control and resume stabbing your alienware keyboard with your stubby cheeto fingers and use your shoulder to push your glasses back into place above your fat dimpled sweaty nose.

I imagine your grandmother pounding on the basement door, yelling at you that you should come to bed. You release your two inch mushroom in a panic and fling your "love" sock into a dark corner. You pathetically try to pull up your sweatpants while bleating, "five more minutes, Nana!"

You rifle off one more razor sharp post and then cry yourself to sleep. You dream of Optimus Prime giving you a back rub while you ride He-man's cat around your high school gym to terrorize the cool kids. You have one thumb in your mouth and the other in your anus.

Just another beautiful day in the life of Immaculate Misconception ransack.


Actually, THAT'S trying too hard.
2012-10-05 04:00:03 PM  
1 votes:

squidgod2000: He was driving a line painting truck.

Doesn't mean he was painting lines.


I still want to envision the truck doing 5mph and the guy fell out of the truck when the tire blew and he rolled down a ravine. Sorta Laurel and Hardy style.
2012-10-05 03:48:49 PM  
1 votes:

squidgod2000: He was driving a line painting truck.

Doesn't mean he was painting lines.


Possibly doing lines though.
2012-10-05 03:42:55 PM  
1 votes:
FTA:
He was then trasnferred to the University of Virginia

Oh my god. They must have hit the typesetter, too. 

/wahoo wah
2012-10-05 03:41:13 PM  
1 votes:

cretinbob: One of the coolest things about Ohio, is that if you stop at the first rest stop coming into the state from PA, there is a monument to all the state DOT workers who died, well, in the line of duty. Those guys have one hell of a dangerous job and are extremely overlooked.


i50.tinypic.com
2012-10-05 03:33:01 PM  
1 votes:
i.cdn.turner.com

RIP road painter guy.
2012-10-05 03:27:59 PM  
1 votes:
2.bp.blogspot.com
2012-10-05 03:25:39 PM  
1 votes:
Dang, he must've been painting lines like a bat out of hell.
 
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