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(Sun Sentinel)   It's the kind of crime that happens in offices everyday across the nation and it's anything but victimless: Lunch theft. "Wasn't that strawberry yogurt delicious?"   (sun-sentinel.com) divider line 68
    More: Sad, trade secrets, John Smith, Palm Beach County, offices  
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6548 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2012 at 2:49 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-10-05 03:42:34 PM
11 votes:
One time at work, somebody was stealing my frozen burritos. So, I decided to take a big dump in a tortilla shell, wrap it up and put it in the freezer. I then hid in a cabinet by the fridge in the breakroom and waited for the culprit to make his move. I was in that cabinet for four days. My patience prevailed, though, and on day four, in walked the burrito bandit. I had carefully added spices and some hot sauce to my poorito, so as to cover the smell of my dumpage as it was being microwaved. Once cooked, he removed it from the microwave and took a big bite. At that point, I burst out of the cabinet and shouted, "You are eating my poop you thieving son of a biatch! How does it taste?" While we had worked together for a long time, he didn't recognize me right away because I had been in the cabinet for four days and hadn't shaved during that time. I had also fashioned my shirt into a diaper-pants sort of deal, similar to what Tom Hanks was sporting in Castaway. You know, for survival in the cabinet. Once he realized who I was and that I was telling the truth, he spat it out and ran away in horror. I had to go home early that day because it turns out diaper-pants were a violation of our workplace dress code but it was totally worth it. After that, I filmed myself farking his wife, emailed him the video and burned his house to the ground. Nobody ever stole a burrito from me again and the judge says that with good behavior, I may be free within two years.
2012-10-05 01:38:46 PM
10 votes:
media-cache0.pinterest.com
2012-10-05 02:55:45 PM
8 votes:
i2.asntown.net
2012-10-05 03:01:05 PM
6 votes:
Stealing meals is a great way to find out who in your office writes the most passive-aggressive post-it notes.
2012-10-05 02:52:42 PM
6 votes:
I always have a decoy lunch in the office fridge just for this purpose.

/laced with ipecac and prune juice

dilbert.com
2012-10-05 04:00:19 PM
4 votes:
:CSB:

Disclaimer: Yes, I'm a raging butthole. Read some of my other posts and you'll see that I value BS very little, and don't give a rat's arse about most folks. If you wrong me, payback is a mofo.

I was working pipeline in the middle of nowhere Louisiana back in the mid-90's. Once we were on site, we couldn't leave, so we had to bring our own lunches (nearest little store was at least an hour away - dozer to get to road, get in vehicle, drive many miles).

I was someone who brought my lunch, sodas, gatorades, etc. Some of the guys (namely two of them) never brought crap. They started stealing my lunches. Not just stealing them, but taking bites out of my sandwich and then throwing it back in the cooler, so it could float around in the water. Same went for whatever else I put in there.

One evening, I went to Winn-Dixie and bought: 1 - 1/2 of a Double Layer Chocolate Cake, 1 - 48ct. Box of Ex-Lax Chocolate Laxative.

Tools Needed:
Ex-Lax
Cake
Lighter
Butter Knife

Step 1: Separate the layers and cut in half.
Step 2: Take one half of the top layer (with the icing) and set it next to one half of the bottom layer (no icing) - put the remainder in your stomach, fridge, whatever.
Step 3: Using the lighter, melt the chocolate ex-lax on to the half without icing (it's in foil, so just fold it a bit so it pours out the end. Use the butter knife to spread it - matching the icing pattern of the other half - cover half and a portion of the other half (not all).

I took this out to the job site the next day and during lunch, sat down to eat. I'd had talked to a co-worker about calling me away when he saw me eating the cake. I ate part of the cake that didn't have any ex-lax on it - then got called away.

I set it down and didn't make it half way to my co-worker when those two assholes were eating the shiat out of the cake. What's really jacked up is that they were licking the "icing" out of the clear plastic container too.

They ate FORTY-EIGHT pieces of ex-lax between the two of them.

A little before quitting time, they started. They had to stop on the way back to the hotel to let some go.

The next morning, they were late, so I beat on their door (they were rooming together at the hotel). They looked nearly transparent. One had been crapping in the toilet all night, and one in the hotel trash can (no joke). The smell of that room cannot be described.

They were crapping and vomiting (simultaneously at time) for 2 or 3 days. They messed their clothes up, they messed everything up.

BONUS: They blamed a local Chinese restaurant until I told them it was me.

They were pissed and told the boss. He said it served them right and told me that if he were I, he'd have hit them again a few days later just to really twist it off in them.

:/CSB:

/that is all.
2012-10-05 03:45:48 PM
4 votes:
www.dilbert.com
2012-10-05 03:13:03 PM
4 votes:
I'd also like to see the Lunch Thief and the Fish Microwaver fight to the death for my amusement.
2012-10-05 03:45:18 PM
3 votes:
Someone stole a delicious lunch out of the fridge where I use to work, but left a $20 and a note saying "It looked so good I couldn't resist. Sorry"
2012-10-05 03:36:24 PM
3 votes:

lordargent: Sybarite: After they fired the last guy they caught doing it, that shiat ended quick where I work.

He got off light.

// don't fark with a basic human survival need, breathing, food, water, excretion, etc.


This. We had one a few weeks back just after they put up the security cams, one of which is pointed DIRECTLY AT THE REFRIGERATOR IN THE BREAK ROOM. The best part was that after me and the ops manager reviewed the video (not only was his face visible, the guy responsible wears a VERY distinctive shirt.....every day.....) everybody got briefed that if the person responsible turned himself in, there would be a write up but that would be it.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

The next morning, we bring the guy into the conference room and make the charge. Nope, couldn't be him. Would never do anything like that, how could we think that, etc. We run the video on the 42" monitor and freeze it with his face clearly visible. Man looked us dead in the eye and said, "That's not me."

For the twenty minutes it took for him to clean his locker and escort him out, this guy was on one long rant about how he was being set up 'by computer' and he was going to sue us and have all our jobs. Surprisingly, we haven't heard from him since.
2012-10-05 03:19:33 PM
3 votes:
Replace something like a boiled egg with Balut.

They will never steal food again AND you'll be able to track it down by smell.
2012-10-05 03:18:36 PM
3 votes:
Lance: Still got your sandwhich?
Vincent: Aw, man. You know what some farker did the other day?
Lance: What?
Vincent: Farking ate it.
Lance: Oh, man, that's farked up.
Vincent: Tell me about it. I had it in the fridge for three hours and some dickless piece of shiat farked with it.
Lance: They should be farking killed. No trial, no jury, straight to execution.
Vincent: Boy, I wish I could've caught him doing it. I'd have given anything to catch that asshole doing it. It'd been worth him doing it just so I could've caught him doing it.
Lance: What a farker!
Vincent: What's more chicken shiat than farking with a man's sandwich? I mean, don't fark with another man's sandwich.
Lance: You don't do it.
Vincent: It's just against the rules.
2012-10-05 03:15:56 PM
3 votes:
I actually had a co-worker a few years ago who was still nursing after having come back from maternity leave so she'd pump in her office, put the milk in medium sized, old fashioned looking milk bottle and store it in the fridge to take home. Since she was a nursing mother and an accountant to boot she would regularly take note of how much milk was pumped in so it was very obvious to her when she'd notice that it was a few ounces less than it was when she pumped earlier. She gathered many of the female employees and told us because she was just too embarrassed to report it. We just suggested to let it go until we actually catch someone in the act. Of course like a week later another woman was in the break room and saw this young guy from IT pour himself some coffee and then go to the fridge and grab the milk bottle. My co-worker waited until after he took his first sip and said "Ummm... you know that's not creamer, right? That's [Accountat's] breast milk."

You bet no one touched that bottle again.
2012-10-05 03:02:03 PM
3 votes:
They brought in a bunch of temp employees one summer. lunches started disappeering. One permanent guy always kept a large bottle of juice in the fridge. He got suspicious that it was being stolen too so he marked the bottle and sure enough it was. So he peed in it. He told all of us permanent employees about it since he assumed it was one of the temps. He didn't tell the temps. Sure enough it was still being stolen. Went on like that until the juice started changing from red color to pee color. He finally threw it out. Never told them they were drinking piss.

We had great fun coming in each day at lunch to check the previous days mark on the bottle.
2012-10-05 03:01:48 PM
3 votes:

Vegan Meat Popsicle: I hate to be Debbie Downer, but just in case anybody thinks lacing anything actually is a good idea, not only are you likely to be fired for lacing your food if you get caught, you'll also likely face charges.

/ so be extra, EXTRA sneaky


I like 3 sliced Ghost Chilis on my roast beef, just like every other normal human being.
GBB
2012-10-05 02:56:07 PM
3 votes:
t1.gstatic.com
2012-10-05 02:54:30 PM
3 votes:
i.imgur.com
2012-10-05 06:56:41 PM
2 votes:

TheRameres: I had an extra box lunch from a meeting I had catered, so I marked it with my name in capital letters with a big black Sharpie and stuck it in the fridge. Next day I went to eat it and someone took the cookie out of it. And this wasn't one of those crappy little hard cookies, or a 100 calorie pack of Oreos. This was one of those big, soft, chewy double chocolate chip with white chocolate chips in it. I was looking forward to that thing all morning.

I wanted to cry and rage all at the same time. A combination of anger and sadness like I'd never felt before swelled over me that day. Well, at the office, anyway.


That cookie was so farking delicious, I still get a boner thinking about it sometimes.
2012-10-05 06:34:38 PM
2 votes:
Not a lunch thief situation, although there was a fair amount of that going on. The shop I was working in back in the late 80s was shut down for two weeks to deal with an EPA situation, a cleanup of the top three feet or so of the soil around the shop where probably 40,000 gallons of hydraulic oil had been spilled over the years by the morons doing the hydraulics. They'd just pop the cylinders and tanks open and let the stuff drain out onto the dirt. The EPA came in because the stuff was running into the stream behind the place and causing a continuous oil slick in the river a couple miles away that took them several months to track down the source. They ordered the company property closed and a total removal of soil and all the contamination. Boss ended up paying about a $150,000 fine, plus paying for the remediation and disposal of the soil.

At any rate, someone had brought in a large salmon and left it in the fridge, one of the welders leads I think. But this was just a day or so before the EPA came in and shut us down for all the spillage and it was left in the fridge there for that two week shutdown. Well, we all came back, and when the fridge was opened by someone, it filled the whole shop with the stench. So this genius decided to unplug the fridge and put a note on it to stop using it until it could be replaced. And they didn't bother to take out the fish and all the other shiat that was left in it. It sat for about a month, in the lunchroom with the door facing the wall and this note on it. When the boss finally got another fridge in, a couple of us had to go upstairs to muscle the old one out and down the stairs, and then schlep the other one up. The door got opened, and the whole shop was filled with this incredible miasma of indescribable stink that even got the dudes in the weld shop at the back of the building turning green. The whole company evacuated the building within about five minutes.

The boss lost it. He got one of the welders to drag one of the backpack welders up the stairs with a chunk of angle iron and welded the door shut. It was buried in the test yard under about 6 feet of crushed rock and paved over the next summer. Who knows whats been fermenting inside the thing for the last 25 years.

It's still there. The building got sold to some landscaper/pottery retailer and the company moved to a bigger place out in the county. I drive past the place once in a while and still get a chuckle out of that.
2012-10-05 05:06:40 PM
2 votes:

Contents Under Pressure: In the early 1980s, I was a paralegal in San Francisco. We all knew each other. It was a small community. There was a rash of thefts of food brought in by secretaries and paralegals. The pay was OK, but not that great, and we couldn't afford to go out to eat lunch every day. One time I discovered my home made cornbread had a bite taken out of it and was put back in the bag.

I heard that a paralegal at Morrison and Forester made an ex-lax brownie and a partner had to call in sick the next day. I was not sure this was true or not, but I made a point of loudly presenting this narrative in the mail room next to the head partner's office, the lunch room and the lobby near the gossipy receptionist. IIRC other people were spreading the story around the other large law firms, thus reducing theft. The implication was that unflavored ex-lax could be put in anything.

I get paid well now, but the cafeteria food sucks and I don't feel like hassling with crowds to get crappy food. I bring in lunches. I had someone steal a portion of my lunch, so I sent out email saying that I generally lick my food or nibble on it before I pack it up. I discovered later that another bit of my lunch was gone and sent another message saying I hoped they enjoyed my saliva. Some of the guys in sales thought it was hilarious and sent me fan mail. I later figured out who the guy was and recalled him skulking around the office for a few days after. I suspect he felt sufficiently guilty that he stole something from a person he works closely with.

tl;dr: Lick your food. It's your saliva. It's not gross for you. Let people know you lick your food. If someone steals your food, remind everyone that you lick your food. At least you can get schadenfreude out of it.


You send email to everyone you work with telling them that you lick your food? Doesn't that make you feel like, well, a child?
2012-10-05 05:03:50 PM
2 votes:
Someone took some of my private coffee stash once. I retaliated by secretly replacing the office Folgers with decaff.

A bit like responding to a hurled rock with a cluster bomb, but hey. Principles is principles.
2012-10-05 04:42:01 PM
2 votes:

GBB: Solution: stop bringing in lunch for a while... all of you. Nothing for him to steal, he's left to figure out an alternative source. Basically, treat him like a pesky bear that keeps getting into your trash. Except, you can't lock the refrigerator. And you can't shoot him with a tranquilizer dart and drop him off in the woods.


The hell I can't.
2012-10-05 04:30:04 PM
2 votes:

Schmee: Great Janitor: I don't understand why I was the bad guy, the other guy was the lunch thief.

Vigilantes are often unjustly persecuted.


What pissed me off was that when I was asked why I put a McDonald's hamburger in the fridge with the center of the patty cut out and replaced with a napkin and coated the bottom bun in hot sauce that had to be ordered off the internet, I explained that I caught that son of a biatch stealing lunches. He asked "Why didn't I come to the HR people." I answered "Because those notes not to steal other people's lunches are viewed as suggestions to be ignored by lunch thieves." He told me that what we did was a gross over reaction. I responded with "Where do you keep your lunch? Next time I see him going for other people's lunches, I'll tell him that you are okay with people stealing your lunch." He said "Let me rephrase that, I don't like that people steal lunches, but it's not something to fire another person over, it's just your problem to solve by not spiking food." I said "So, I can steal your food, and I won't be fired for it, it would just be your problem to deal with." He said "Steal my food and I'll fire you." I said "So your food is special and stealing it is punishable with firing, but everyone else's, fark them?" He said that he'd deal with it. Later that afternoon was yet another memo reminding people not to steal food that isn't theirs and to stop putting booby trapped food into the fridge.

A week later the tainted food stopped, but I saw that jackass going through the fridge again. I saw him and asked "Do you think that sandwich is safe?" He looked at me and said "The memo told you to stop doing that." I said "It also told you to stop stealing food, and here you are..." He put the sandwich back.
2012-10-05 04:24:46 PM
2 votes:

fortysix: Not lunch related, but I did have a colleague, a few years back, who would steal my pencils. This was in the trades, no office supply cabinet, my dime. Right in front of him, I stuck my pencils down my drawers, making sure the got plenty of ball-sack sweat on them. Fail, he kept stealing my pencils. He was a habitual pencil chewer, so a least it was funny.


Maybe he was just down for the salty taste of your bollocks?
2012-10-05 04:16:51 PM
2 votes:
I kept Safeway sushi in my car, in the california sun for 3 days

then put it in the fridge

when it went missing, I felt vindicated in the horrors he was about to enjoy
2012-10-05 03:35:03 PM
2 votes:
At work I marked my lunch and drinks with my name or initials. Doesn't stop certain people from eating my or others' lunches. Then I marked everything of mine "HIV+" and I can keep it in there over the weekend and it'll be untouched.
2012-10-05 03:21:49 PM
2 votes:

meat0918: Replace something like a boiled egg with Balut.

They will never steal food again AND you'll be able to track it down by smell.


Wow, looked that up..... That's just. Evil.

/high five!
2012-10-05 03:21:24 PM
2 votes:
I had an extra box lunch from a meeting I had catered, so I marked it with my name in capital letters with a big black Sharpie and stuck it in the fridge. Next day I went to eat it and someone took the cookie out of it. And this wasn't one of those crappy little hard cookies, or a 100 calorie pack of Oreos. This was one of those big, soft, chewy double chocolate chip with white chocolate chips in it. I was looking forward to that thing all morning.

I wanted to cry and rage all at the same time. A combination of anger and sadness like I'd never felt before swelled over me that day. Well, at the office, anyway.
2012-10-05 03:16:15 PM
2 votes:

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: I'm so glad American workers no longer face the dangers of going out to lunch and eating meals prepared in an inspected commercial kitchen.


You've never eaten at our cafeteria at work, clearly.
2.bp.blogspot.com
2012-10-05 03:08:22 PM
2 votes:

Bathia_Mapes: Why in the hell would you steal ice packs? That makes no f*cking sense whatsoever.


To keep your stolen lunch cool. Duh.
2012-10-05 03:03:40 PM
2 votes:

Big Beef Burrito: Thats odd. Who would steal thirty sack lunches?


I suspect Lex Luthor.
2012-10-05 02:59:06 PM
2 votes:
www.flux-rad.com
2012-10-05 02:05:30 PM
2 votes:
2012-10-05 01:32:58 PM
2 votes:
I posted this in a TFD thread just yesterday. I will repost it for the liters:

I had an old work buddy who CLAIMS that someone at his work years ago kept stealing his lunches, like 1-2 times a week. So being the enterprising fellow that he was, he laced a sandwich with like 3-shiats of LSD and just waited. Apparently around mid-late afternoon the sandwich thief starts losing his shiat because, well...hes tripping balls.

He got rushed to the hospital because he started freaking out. He was back a few days later and my buddies lunch never got stolen again. I guess HR and some of the upper ups came in and accused the office of lacing his coffee with LSD, yeah, his coffee, not the lunch he was stealing. There was a mandatory drug test for all employees right there on the spot. My friend passed, as he did not do drugs all that often.

Again, my friend may be blowing smoke up my ass with this story, but it is amusing either way.
2012-10-05 12:48:32 PM
2 votes:
2012-10-05 11:19:20 PM
1 votes:
All I see is a bunch of people who have sharing issues.
2012-10-05 10:57:59 PM
1 votes:
When I was in college, I had a part time job working for a dude who would bring a pickle to lunch every day. The rest of his lunch menu varied, but he always had to have that pickle. It got to be a joke with everyone who worked there...."Steve and his farking pickle".

One day I sneaked into his office and stole that pickle, showed everyone what I had done, and then flung it onto the roof of the building. Sure enough, when lunch rolled around, Steve came out of his office in an absolute rage, demanding to know who stole his pickle. I mean the dude was red in the face. We all were laughing until I told him that his beloved pickle was on the roof. I told him that if he liked pickles, he'd really like sun-dried pickles. What happened next none of us expected: Steve fired me on the spot.

Later that day I got a call from the business owner, and was told to come back to work on my next scheduled day. When I showed up for work, I found that Steve was still POed about his pickle, and he told me that he wasn't joking about firing me, and told me to get the fark out of the building. The owner overhead the yelling and came out of his office, turned to Steve and said, "Steve, fark you and your pickle."
2012-10-05 06:32:35 PM
1 votes:
I've never had this problem working in a kitchen because well we are constantly surrounded by food and just expected to make something there. Though this problem happened to an ex girlfriend of mine with alarming regularity. The problem got solved by me making a batch of truffles and filling them with a habanero jelly that I made especially for the occasion. This wasn't a slightly spicy and sweet jelly like you normally get (which might actually be good in a dark chocolate truffle). I tripled the amount of peppers and included all the seeds in the jelly. Then I made the truffles like normal and put them in a box for her and told her to put them in the fridge at work. Turns out it was actually her boss that was stealing food the whole time. That didn't happen again.
2012-10-05 06:09:45 PM
1 votes:
Someone at a place I used to work at kept stealing lunches and drinks and really liked the sandwiches and burritos that you get from places like Quik trip. Solution: get a syringe from my diabetic wife and inject through the sealed wrapper a bunch of habanero juice, also used a Q-tip to wipe some habanero juice on the rims of the soda cans that would disappear.

When the janitor was in agony from the burn from the juice it became very obvious who the thief was.
2012-10-05 05:42:34 PM
1 votes:
It was long before my time, circa 1971, but my mother tells me that when she was a Senior in High School, the principal loved to visit the Home Economics class and help himself to whatever food he would find, pretty much every day.

He'd walk in, and just grab cookies, or cake, or whatever tasty food was finished, and walk out. Sometimes he'd just brazenly take the entire plate, without saying a word, and go back to his office and eat. Best they could figure, he didn't bring his lunch or go to the cafeteria, he just expected to get free food from Home Ec.

Apparently a few of the girls were offended by this somehow. Especially since he never asked if he could take it, never thanked them, and generally showed no courtesy or gratitude.

Towards the end of the year, they whipped up a big batch of ex-lax brownies, and had a big plate stacked high with them sitting in plain sight around lunchtime. The principal came in, took one look at it, grabed the whole plate, and walked back to his office, already munching on brownies. Between classes, they peeked in his office, the pile of brownies was getting smaller as he was trying to gorge on the whole batch himself.

Apparently he was in the bathroom most of the afternoon. He then missed a few days of school after that. He stopped treating the home ec room like his personal free catering service.

Nowadays they would have probably arrested the kids for that or something, but 40 years ago it was justice served.
2012-10-05 05:03:04 PM
1 votes:

insert sarcastic comment: TruBluTroll: I'm lucky that my workplace doesn't have any lunch thieves, but my wives work is rife with them. She has actually come back to her desk to find a coworker digging through her purse with one of her prescription bottles in one hand. I worked for less than a month at the same place and had my lunch stolen twice.
That place is seriously farked up.

Jesus what kind of place is that?


I'm going to guess methadone clinic?
2012-10-05 04:51:47 PM
1 votes:
My dad worked at an aircraft manufacturing plant for years. When he worked in the shops, someone would regularly steal from the workers' lunchboxes. One guy brought a brownie laced with Ex-lax. Sure enough, it was stolen. To their surprise, they watched the foreman running for the bathroom all afternoon!

Also, a coworker had chickens, and he would bring eggs for sale. He would leave them out on an honor system and his coworkers would pay him. He noticed someone was taking eggs and not paying. So, he took one egg, punched a tiny hole in one end, and used a wire machine to wind thin wire inside the egg (egg shells are very strong if not cracked). He put a mark on the egg carton and warned all his regulars to not buy that one.

He didn't get the satisfaction of seeing the thief (or his hapless wife) crack the egg and the wire spring out, flinging raw egg everywhere, but at least the thefts stopped!
2012-10-05 04:27:01 PM
1 votes:

Towermonkey: fortysix: Not lunch related, but I did have a colleague, a few years back, who would steal my pencils. This was in the trades, no office supply cabinet, my dime. Right in front of him, I stuck my pencils down my drawers, making sure the got plenty of ball-sack sweat on them. Fail, he kept stealing my pencils. He was a habitual pencil chewer, so a least it was funny.

Maybe he was just down for the salty taste of your bollocks?


He was probably more of a tip chewer.
2012-10-05 04:22:08 PM
1 votes:
Not lunch related, but I did have a colleague, a few years back, who would steal my pencils. This was in the trades, no office supply cabinet, my dime. Right in front of him, I stuck my pencils down my drawers, making sure the got plenty of ball-sack sweat on them. Fail, he kept stealing my pencils. He was a habitual pencil chewer, so a least it was funny.
2012-10-05 04:18:12 PM
1 votes:
I had someone in my office take my yogurt out my lunch bag, eat half and put it back in the fridge. At what point is food stealing simply trolling?
2012-10-05 04:10:33 PM
1 votes:
I caught a coworker at my last job stealing other people's lunches. What happened was his girlfriend stopped by to give him his lunch, a lunch that she made herself. He ate it, complained that it wasn't filling enough, went to the fridge and grabbed one someone else's lunch. I asked him why he was doing it as he did it, blatantly, right in front of me, and he said "My girl didn't make me a big enough lunch." I asked "So that gives you the right to steal someone else's lunch?" And he said that it was cool.

So, I made sure to pass it around that this guy was a lunch thief. The following week, the fridge was used to stock fake lunches like cat food sandwiches, dog food cans without labels, and other such 'surprises'. Enough that when his girl failed to make him a hearty enough lunch, that I got the lunch show of watching him go through the fridge from one trapped lunch to another. The day that followed I found myself in HR explaining to the HR VP why that fridge was loaded with fake foods. I don't understand why I was the bad guy, the other guy was the lunch thief.
2012-10-05 03:56:22 PM
1 votes:
I like my food spicy, so it rarely gets stolen.

/once I worked at a call center, and my food was untouched
//mostly because the other workers were not locals, and were slightly intimidated by the local food at first
2012-10-05 03:26:59 PM
1 votes:
How timely, currently my office is embroiled in yogurt-gate:2012.

oooooh motherfarkers be taking my chobani. NOT COOL. just ask! leave a note! anything other than just straight up stealing my yogurt. WHO DOES THAT!?!?!?1
2012-10-05 03:24:50 PM
1 votes:
p.twimg.com
2012-10-05 03:24:11 PM
1 votes:
Hmm. My work just has 2 surveillance cameras pointed at the glass windowed fridges.
I remember on my second day someone came up and asked all 3 new employees, quite politely, if any of us had taken his sandwich. He said he didn't want to go to the supervisor right away on the off chance that one of us newbies was broke and starving until we got our first paycheck. We all said we hadn't, so they went and checked the tapes. About 2 hours later the QC/lab tech was discretely pulled into the supervisors office and given a written warning. Apparently she thought the cameras were fake.
2012-10-05 03:24:06 PM
1 votes:
And this one too:

i1180.photobucket.com
2012-10-05 03:19:29 PM
1 votes:

uncleacid: That guy who fills the entire floor with the smell of microwave popcorn should die.


SO MUCH THIS.

Look, I like popcorn as much as the next guy. But we might as well treat diacetyl like we do secondhand smoke. So if you plan on filling up my entire department with the impossible-to-ignore odor of "EXTRA BUTTER FLAVOR™," I'm probably going to slash your tires.

Besides. It makes me hungry, dammit.
2012-10-05 03:19:00 PM
1 votes:

MBooda: Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: I'm so glad American workers no longer face the dangers of going out to lunch and eating meals prepared in an inspected commercial kitchen.

You've never eaten at our cafeteria at work, clearly.
[2.bp.blogspot.com image 320x240]


Yeah, I was a little out of line. Food service at my university was a great way to lose a lot of weight. And electrolytes.
2012-10-05 03:13:32 PM
1 votes:

highendmighty: Humerous notes?


"The humerus is a long bone in the arm or forelimb that runs from the shoulder to the elbow.
Anatomically, it connects the scapula and the lower arm (consisting of the radius and ulna), and consists of three sections." (more info here)

Hope your arm's okay.
2012-10-05 03:12:25 PM
1 votes:
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
2012-10-05 03:12:10 PM
1 votes:

Headso: The president of the company gets baked and will eat a bunch of chips out of the random communal bags we might have laying around and then not shut them back up but nobody will say anything because dude owns the company.


I have no clue what 'random' means in this context and I don't think you do either.
2012-10-05 03:06:19 PM
1 votes:

PacManDreaming: Simple solution. Just make a bait sandwich or other food with a generous helping of Denatonium mixed in. It's safe and it'll let the thief know that they may encounter other surprises during their refrigerator raids.

Or, you could just add a chopped ghost chili in the bait food and sit back and watch the fireworks.


I used habaneros(sp?) in a tuna salad sandwich. The sandwich was found with one bite taken out of it but it was never traced back to the thief.
2012-10-05 03:05:18 PM
1 votes:
The president of the company gets baked and will eat a bunch of chips out of the random communal bags we might have laying around and then not shut them back up but nobody will say anything because dude owns the company.
2012-10-05 03:04:58 PM
1 votes:

Bathia_Mapes:
Why in the hell would you steal ice packs? That makes no f*cking sense whatsoever.


Roids
2012-10-05 03:04:53 PM
1 votes:
Office savages. A coworker once ran to Target during lunch and picked up a whole bunch of frozen meals. She put them in the office freezer, still in the Target bag, to eat throughout the week. The next day or the following Monday or something, she went down in the freezer, and they were gone. Admittedly, she didn't write her name on the lunches, but they were tied up in a shopping bag for fark's sake!

My brother once found half of his salad missing. Half! Like the thief suddenly realized, "Hey, this isn't my lunch! Oops!"
2012-10-05 03:04:35 PM
1 votes:

FarkerinMN: Vegan Meat Popsicle: I hate to be Debbie Downer, but just in case anybody thinks lacing anything actually is a good idea, not only are you likely to be fired for lacing your food if you get caught, you'll also likely face charges.

/ so be extra, EXTRA sneaky

I think it would be hard to press charges against someone for lacing their own food, you could very easily just say that you have a bolima problem and putting ipicac in your sandwich saves a step. Hell at that point you have a disability and HR can't touch you.

/unless you do it with an illegal drug


Snot isn't illegal.
2012-10-05 03:01:32 PM
1 votes:

Langdon Alger: my old program director at the radio station would leave a few TV dinners in the freezer in case he worked late but the weirdos who did overnights or weekends would steal them. Lacing several with syrup of ipecac made that stop real fast. Also too, the guy got fired because he left the board unattended which resulted in lots of dead air.


That happend at the station I worked at too. There is something not right about overnight and weekend guys.
2012-10-05 03:01:20 PM
1 votes:
Humerous notes? How about, "if you are caught stealing you wll be fired on the spot. The state wll be advised not to offer unemployment compensation as the action of termination was the result of illegal ativity"
2012-10-05 03:00:41 PM
1 votes:

Vegan Meat Popsicle: I hate to be Debbie Downer, but just in case anybody thinks lacing anything actually is a good idea, not only are you likely to be fired for lacing your food if you get caught, you'll also likely face charges.

/ so be extra, EXTRA sneaky


Prove it. I happen to LIKE my sandwiches with hidden habanero peppers in it, and i LIKE my ice cream with flakes of chocolate Exlax. It keeps me regular.
2012-10-05 02:59:08 PM
1 votes:

Vegan Meat Popsicle: I hate to be Debbie Downer, but just in case anybody thinks lacing anything actually is a good idea, not only are you likely to be fired for lacing your food if you get caught, you'll also likely face charges.

/ so be extra, EXTRA sneaky


Would a dye pack in the lunch box be considered "lacing"?
2012-10-05 02:55:13 PM
1 votes:
my old program director at the radio station would leave a few TV dinners in the freezer in case he worked late but the weirdos who did overnights or weekends would steal them. Lacing several with syrup of ipecac made that stop real fast. Also too, the guy got fired because he left the board unattended which resulted in lots of dead air.
2012-10-05 12:19:10 PM
1 votes:
Simple solution. Just make a bait sandwich or other food with a generous helping of Denatonium mixed in. It's safe and it'll let the thief know that they may encounter other surprises during their refrigerator raids.

Or, you could just add a chopped ghost chili in the bait food and sit back and watch the fireworks.
2012-10-05 12:09:27 PM
1 votes:
After they fired the last guy they caught doing it, that shiat ended quick where I work.
 
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