lordargent: Sybarite: After they fired the last guy they caught doing it, that shiat ended quick where I work.He got off light.// don't fark with a basic human survival need, breathing, food, water, excretion, etc.
Vegan Meat Popsicle: I hate to be Debbie Downer, but just in case anybody thinks lacing anything actually is a good idea, not only are you likely to be fired for lacing your food if you get caught, you'll also likely face charges./ so be extra, EXTRA sneaky
TheRameres: I had an extra box lunch from a meeting I had catered, so I marked it with my name in capital letters with a big black Sharpie and stuck it in the fridge. Next day I went to eat it and someone took the cookie out of it. And this wasn't one of those crappy little hard cookies, or a 100 calorie pack of Oreos. This was one of those big, soft, chewy double chocolate chip with white chocolate chips in it. I was looking forward to that thing all morning.I wanted to cry and rage all at the same time. A combination of anger and sadness like I'd never felt before swelled over me that day. Well, at the office, anyway.
Contents Under Pressure: In the early 1980s, I was a paralegal in San Francisco. We all knew each other. It was a small community. There was a rash of thefts of food brought in by secretaries and paralegals. The pay was OK, but not that great, and we couldn't afford to go out to eat lunch every day. One time I discovered my home made cornbread had a bite taken out of it and was put back in the bag.I heard that a paralegal at Morrison and Forester made an ex-lax brownie and a partner had to call in sick the next day. I was not sure this was true or not, but I made a point of loudly presenting this narrative in the mail room next to the head partner's office, the lunch room and the lobby near the gossipy receptionist. IIRC other people were spreading the story around the other large law firms, thus reducing theft. The implication was that unflavored ex-lax could be put in anything.I get paid well now, but the cafeteria food sucks and I don't feel like hassling with crowds to get crappy food. I bring in lunches. I had someone steal a portion of my lunch, so I sent out email saying that I generally lick my food or nibble on it before I pack it up. I discovered later that another bit of my lunch was gone and sent another message saying I hoped they enjoyed my saliva. Some of the guys in sales thought it was hilarious and sent me fan mail. I later figured out who the guy was and recalled him skulking around the office for a few days after. I suspect he felt sufficiently guilty that he stole something from a person he works closely with.tl;dr: Lick your food. It's your saliva. It's not gross for you. Let people know you lick your food. If someone steals your food, remind everyone that you lick your food. At least you can get schadenfreude out of it.
GBB: Solution: stop bringing in lunch for a while... all of you. Nothing for him to steal, he's left to figure out an alternative source. Basically, treat him like a pesky bear that keeps getting into your trash. Except, you can't lock the refrigerator. And you can't shoot him with a tranquilizer dart and drop him off in the woods.
Schmee: Great Janitor: I don't understand why I was the bad guy, the other guy was the lunch thief.Vigilantes are often unjustly persecuted.
fortysix: Not lunch related, but I did have a colleague, a few years back, who would steal my pencils. This was in the trades, no office supply cabinet, my dime. Right in front of him, I stuck my pencils down my drawers, making sure the got plenty of ball-sack sweat on them. Fail, he kept stealing my pencils. He was a habitual pencil chewer, so a least it was funny.
meat0918: Replace something like a boiled egg with Balut.They will never steal food again AND you'll be able to track it down by smell.
Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: I'm so glad American workers no longer face the dangers of going out to lunch and eating meals prepared in an inspected commercial kitchen.
Bathia_Mapes: Why in the hell would you steal ice packs? That makes no f*cking sense whatsoever.
Big Beef Burrito: Thats odd. Who would steal thirty sack lunches?
insert sarcastic comment: TruBluTroll: I'm lucky that my workplace doesn't have any lunch thieves, but my wives work is rife with them. She has actually come back to her desk to find a coworker digging through her purse with one of her prescription bottles in one hand. I worked for less than a month at the same place and had my lunch stolen twice.That place is seriously farked up.Jesus what kind of place is that?
Towermonkey: fortysix: Not lunch related, but I did have a colleague, a few years back, who would steal my pencils. This was in the trades, no office supply cabinet, my dime. Right in front of him, I stuck my pencils down my drawers, making sure the got plenty of ball-sack sweat on them. Fail, he kept stealing my pencils. He was a habitual pencil chewer, so a least it was funny.Maybe he was just down for the salty taste of your bollocks?
uncleacid: That guy who fills the entire floor with the smell of microwave popcorn should die.
MBooda: Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: I'm so glad American workers no longer face the dangers of going out to lunch and eating meals prepared in an inspected commercial kitchen.You've never eaten at our cafeteria at work, clearly.[2.bp.blogspot.com image 320x240]
highendmighty: Humerous notes?
Headso: The president of the company gets baked and will eat a bunch of chips out of the random communal bags we might have laying around and then not shut them back up but nobody will say anything because dude owns the company.
PacManDreaming: Simple solution. Just make a bait sandwich or other food with a generous helping of Denatonium mixed in. It's safe and it'll let the thief know that they may encounter other surprises during their refrigerator raids.Or, you could just add a chopped ghost chili in the bait food and sit back and watch the fireworks.
FarkerinMN: Vegan Meat Popsicle: I hate to be Debbie Downer, but just in case anybody thinks lacing anything actually is a good idea, not only are you likely to be fired for lacing your food if you get caught, you'll also likely face charges./ so be extra, EXTRA sneakyI think it would be hard to press charges against someone for lacing their own food, you could very easily just say that you have a bolima problem and putting ipicac in your sandwich saves a step. Hell at that point you have a disability and HR can't touch you./unless you do it with an illegal drug
Langdon Alger: my old program director at the radio station would leave a few TV dinners in the freezer in case he worked late but the weirdos who did overnights or weekends would steal them. Lacing several with syrup of ipecac made that stop real fast. Also too, the guy got fired because he left the board unattended which resulted in lots of dead air.
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