Fissile: When I was in college, I had a part time job working for a dude who would bring a pickle to lunch every day. The rest of his lunch menu varied, but he always had to have that pickle. It got to be a joke with everyone who worked there...."Steve and his farking pickle".One day I sneaked into his office and stole that pickle, showed everyone what I had done, and then flung it onto the roof of the building. Sure enough, when lunch rolled around, Steve came out of his office in an absolute rage, demanding to know who stole his pickle. I mean the dude was red in the face. We all were laughing until I told him that his beloved pickle was on the roof. I told him that if he liked pickles, he'd really like sun-dried pickles. What happened next none of us expected: Steve fired me on the spot.Later that day I got a call from the business owner, and was told to come back to work on my next scheduled day. When I showed up for work, I found that Steve was still POed about his pickle, and he told me that he wasn't joking about firing me, and told me to get the fark out of the building. The owner overhead the yelling and came out of his office, turned to Steve and said, "Steve, fark you and your pickle."
robbiex0r: Vegan Meat Popsicle: I hate to be Debbie Downer, but just in case anybody thinks lacing anything actually is a good idea, not only are you likely to be fired for lacing your food if you get caught, you'll also likely face charges./ so be extra, EXTRA sneakyI like 3 sliced Ghost Chilis on my roast beef, just like every other normal human being.
uncleacid: That guy who fills the entire floor with the smell of microwave popcorn should die.
BATMANATEE: Why are you surprised that law enforcement people would be entitled thieves?
Bathia_Mapes: This is an ongoing problem at my workplace, especially after we hire a group of new employees. I think part of the problem is that not only are most of the new hires young people, but for many of them it's their first job. I think they see the fridge situation as being similar to their parents' or a friend's fridge, where no one minds if you eat or drink something. They have so sense of workplace behavior. Mind you, though, I'm not excusing their behavior in any manner because it boils down to being theft no matter how you look at it.And a couple of days ago the theft expanded from being irritating to downright weird. One of my co-worker/friends has been bringing in a few ice packs to treat an injured ankle. She swaps them out a couple times a day as the ice pack starts to soften. When she went to swap out an ice pack she saw that someone had stolen them from the freezer section of the breakroom fridge.Why in the hell would you steal ice packs? That makes no f*cking sense whatsoever.
Contents Under Pressure: In the early 1980s, I was a paralegal in San Francisco. We all knew each other. It was a small community. There was a rash of thefts of food brought in by secretaries and paralegals. The pay was OK, but not that great, and we couldn't afford to go out to eat lunch every day. One time I discovered my home made cornbread had a bite taken out of it and was put back in the bag.I heard that a paralegal at Morrison and Forester made an ex-lax brownie and a partner had to call in sick the next day. I was not sure this was true or not, but I made a point of loudly presenting this narrative in the mail room next to the head partner's office, the lunch room and the lobby near the gossipy receptionist. IIRC other people were spreading the story around the other large law firms, thus reducing theft. The implication was that unflavored ex-lax could be put in anything.I get paid well now, but the cafeteria food sucks and I don't feel like hassling with crowds to get crappy food. I bring in lunches. I had someone steal a portion of my lunch, so I sent out email saying that I generally lick my food or nibble on it before I pack it up. I discovered later that another bit of my lunch was gone and sent another message saying I hoped they enjoyed my saliva. Some of the guys in sales thought it was hilarious and sent me fan mail. I later figured out who the guy was and recalled him skulking around the office for a few days after. I suspect he felt sufficiently guilty that he stole something from a person he works closely with.tl;dr: Lick your food. It's your saliva. It's not gross for you. Let people know you lick your food. If someone steals your food, remind everyone that you lick your food. At least you can get schadenfreude out of it.
GBB: Solution: stop bringing in lunch for a while... all of you. Nothing for him to steal, he's left to figure out an alternative source. Basically, treat him like a pesky bear that keeps getting into your trash. Except, you can't lock the refrigerator. And you can't shoot him with a tranquilizer dart and drop him off in the woods.
Great Janitor: Schmee: Great Janitor: I don't understand why I was the bad guy, the other guy was the lunch thief.Vigilantes are often unjustly persecuted.What pissed me off was that when I was asked why I put a McDonald's hamburger in the fridge with the center of the patty cut out and replaced with a napkin and coated the bottom bun in hot sauce that had to be ordered off the internet, I explained that I caught that son of a biatch stealing lunches. He asked "Why didn't I come to the HR people." I answered "Because those notes not to steal other people's lunches are viewed as suggestions to be ignored by lunch thieves." He told me that what we did was a gross over reaction. I responded with "Where do you keep your lunch? Next time I see him going for other people's lunches, I'll tell him that you are okay with people stealing your lunch." He said "Let me rephrase that, I don't like that people steal lunches, but it's not something to fire another person over, it's just your problem to solve by not spiking food." I said "So, I can steal your food, and I won't be fired for it, it would just be your problem to deal with." He said "Steal my food and I'll fire you." I said "So your food is special and stealing it is punishable with firing, but everyone else's, fark them?" He said that he'd deal with it. Later that afternoon was yet another memo reminding people not to steal food that isn't theirs and to stop putting booby trapped food into the fridge.A week later the tainted food stopped, but I saw that jackass going through the fridge again. I saw him and asked "Do you think that sandwich is safe?" He looked at me and said "The memo told you to stop doing that." I said "It also told you to stop stealing food, and here you are..." He put the sandwich back.
Schmee: Great Janitor: I don't understand why I was the bad guy, the other guy was the lunch thief.Vigilantes are often unjustly persecuted.
fortysix: Not lunch related, but I did have a colleague, a few years back, who would steal my pencils. This was in the trades, no office supply cabinet, my dime. Right in front of him, I stuck my pencils down my drawers, making sure the got plenty of ball-sack sweat on them. Fail, he kept stealing my pencils. He was a habitual pencil chewer, so a least it was funny.
Jument: I always enjoy these threads but seriously, some of you work in the worst kinds of hellholes imaginable.
Great Janitor: I don't understand why I was the bad guy, the other guy was the lunch thief.
you have pee hands: Vinegar's also not poisonous. But I have no idea how you could open a bottle of vinegar and not smell it. Did the perpetrator have a nose?
Schmee: stuff- Do NOT tamper with sealed, refrigerated insulin, preventing the owner from using it to treat a medical condition. Yes, this too has been reported.more stuff
MaxxLarge: uncleacid: That guy who fills the entire floor with the smell of microwave popcorn should die.SO MUCH THIS.Look, I like popcorn as much as the next guy. But we might as well treat diacetyl like we do secondhand smoke. So if you plan on filling up my entire department with the impossible-to-ignore odor of "EXTRA BUTTER FLAVOR™," I'm probably going to slash your tires.Besides. It makes me hungry, dammit.
vudukungfu: Bathia_Mapes:Why in the hell would you steal ice packs? That makes no f*cking sense whatsoever.Roids
Bathia_Mapes: Why in the hell would you steal ice packs? That makes no f*cking sense whatsoever.
Vegan Meat Popsicle: I hate to be Debbie Downer, but just in case anybody thinks lacing anything actually is a good idea, not only are you likely to be fired for lacing your food if you get caught, you'll also likely face charges./ so be extra, EXTRA sneaky
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