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(Sun Sentinel)   It's the kind of crime that happens in offices everyday across the nation and it's anything but victimless: Lunch theft. "Wasn't that strawberry yogurt delicious?"   (sun-sentinel.com) divider line 254
    More: Sad, trade secrets, John Smith, Palm Beach County, offices  
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6550 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2012 at 2:49 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-05 06:22:31 PM

Jerkwater: Does this actually happen? I've worked in half a dozen offices over the past 15 years and have never had my lunch stolen, or heard of anyone else who did.

Same here. I've been in an office setting 25 years and never had it happen to me, or have heard of it happening to anyone else. If anything, it's the opposite --forgotten foodstuff. But that's a whole other stinking issue.
 
2012-10-05 06:32:35 PM
I've never had this problem working in a kitchen because well we are constantly surrounded by food and just expected to make something there. Though this problem happened to an ex girlfriend of mine with alarming regularity. The problem got solved by me making a batch of truffles and filling them with a habanero jelly that I made especially for the occasion. This wasn't a slightly spicy and sweet jelly like you normally get (which might actually be good in a dark chocolate truffle). I tripled the amount of peppers and included all the seeds in the jelly. Then I made the truffles like normal and put them in a box for her and told her to put them in the fridge at work. Turns out it was actually her boss that was stealing food the whole time. That didn't happen again.
 
2012-10-05 06:34:38 PM
Not a lunch thief situation, although there was a fair amount of that going on. The shop I was working in back in the late 80s was shut down for two weeks to deal with an EPA situation, a cleanup of the top three feet or so of the soil around the shop where probably 40,000 gallons of hydraulic oil had been spilled over the years by the morons doing the hydraulics. They'd just pop the cylinders and tanks open and let the stuff drain out onto the dirt. The EPA came in because the stuff was running into the stream behind the place and causing a continuous oil slick in the river a couple miles away that took them several months to track down the source. They ordered the company property closed and a total removal of soil and all the contamination. Boss ended up paying about a $150,000 fine, plus paying for the remediation and disposal of the soil.

At any rate, someone had brought in a large salmon and left it in the fridge, one of the welders leads I think. But this was just a day or so before the EPA came in and shut us down for all the spillage and it was left in the fridge there for that two week shutdown. Well, we all came back, and when the fridge was opened by someone, it filled the whole shop with the stench. So this genius decided to unplug the fridge and put a note on it to stop using it until it could be replaced. And they didn't bother to take out the fish and all the other shiat that was left in it. It sat for about a month, in the lunchroom with the door facing the wall and this note on it. When the boss finally got another fridge in, a couple of us had to go upstairs to muscle the old one out and down the stairs, and then schlep the other one up. The door got opened, and the whole shop was filled with this incredible miasma of indescribable stink that even got the dudes in the weld shop at the back of the building turning green. The whole company evacuated the building within about five minutes.

The boss lost it. He got one of the welders to drag one of the backpack welders up the stairs with a chunk of angle iron and welded the door shut. It was buried in the test yard under about 6 feet of crushed rock and paved over the next summer. Who knows whats been fermenting inside the thing for the last 25 years.

It's still there. The building got sold to some landscaper/pottery retailer and the company moved to a bigger place out in the county. I drive past the place once in a while and still get a chuckle out of that.
 
2012-10-05 06:40:06 PM
After reading this entire thread, I'm grateful to work in a secure lab with a microwave, coffee maker, and mini-fridge three feet from my workstation. Some people are just terrible.
 
2012-10-05 06:40:32 PM
Ah yes the pita predator... let's just call it what it really is: Food rape

/seriously how I did I post that first
//obscure?
 
2012-10-05 06:51:26 PM
Fark thieves.
The way to not get caught spiking your lunch with something terrible is simply to not tell anyone. No one can prove it's your lunch. Use plenty of ipekak. Make a tuna sandwich with fish that's been left out for 3 days. Wipe your ass with the bread first.
Make that thief pay.
 
2012-10-05 06:52:45 PM

GBB: We had forensics trainees come in once and "investigate" a lunch theft. It was good training for them. They like to do weird, fun, practical training exercises here. They got to play around and collect and process evidence, tape off a crime scene, maintain control and custody of evidence, crime scene log, and other things they have to do on a real crime scene. We tell our trainees that we take lunch thefts seriously. Sometimes, it's awesome working in Law Enforcement.


I remember that episode of NCIS

farm3.static.flickr.com
 
2012-10-05 06:56:41 PM

TheRameres: I had an extra box lunch from a meeting I had catered, so I marked it with my name in capital letters with a big black Sharpie and stuck it in the fridge. Next day I went to eat it and someone took the cookie out of it. And this wasn't one of those crappy little hard cookies, or a 100 calorie pack of Oreos. This was one of those big, soft, chewy double chocolate chip with white chocolate chips in it. I was looking forward to that thing all morning.

I wanted to cry and rage all at the same time. A combination of anger and sadness like I'd never felt before swelled over me that day. Well, at the office, anyway.


That cookie was so farking delicious, I still get a boner thinking about it sometimes.
 
2012-10-05 07:04:07 PM
Came for Terry Tate, leaving disappointed he arrived so far down the thread.
 
2012-10-05 07:05:28 PM

Bathia_Mapes: This is an ongoing problem at my workplace, especially after we hire a group of new employees. I think part of the problem is that not only are most of the new hires young people, but for many of them it's their first job. I think they see the fridge situation as being similar to their parents' or a friend's fridge, where no one minds if you eat or drink something. They have so sense of workplace behavior. Mind you, though, I'm not excusing their behavior in any manner because it boils down to being theft no matter how you look at it.

And a couple of days ago the theft expanded from being irritating to downright weird. One of my co-worker/friends has been bringing in a few ice packs to treat an injured ankle. She swaps them out a couple times a day as the ice pack starts to soften. When she went to swap out an ice pack she saw that someone had stolen them from the freezer section of the breakroom fridge.

Why in the hell would you steal ice packs? That makes no f*cking sense whatsoever.


New employees coming in is the situation that the practiced lunch thieves know will cover their increase in theft.
 
2012-10-05 07:13:07 PM

AtlanticCoast63: lordargent: Sybarite: After they fired the last guy they caught doing it, that shiat ended quick where I work.

He got off light.

// don't fark with a basic human survival need, breathing, food, water, excretion, etc.

This. We had one a few weeks back just after they put up the security cams, one of which is pointed DIRECTLY AT THE REFRIGERATOR IN THE BREAK ROOM. The best part was that after me and the ops manager reviewed the video (not only was his face visible, the guy responsible wears a VERY distinctive shirt.....every day.....) everybody got briefed that if the person responsible turned himself in, there would be a write up but that would be it.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

The next morning, we bring the guy into the conference room and make the charge. Nope, couldn't be him. Would never do anything like that, how could we think that, etc. We run the video on the 42" monitor and freeze it with his face clearly visible. Man looked us dead in the eye and said, "That's not me."

For the twenty minutes it took for him to clean his locker and escort him out, this guy was on one long rant about how he was being set up 'by computer' and he was going to sue us and have all our jobs. Surprisingly, we haven't heard from him since.


You're lucky he didn't come back armed. Wackjob.
 
2012-10-05 07:30:13 PM

Bathia_Mapes: This is an ongoing problem at my workplace, especially after we hire a group of new employees. I think part of the problem is that not only are most of the new hires young people, but for many of them it's their first job. I think they see the fridge situation as being similar to their parents' or a friend's fridge, where no one minds if you eat or drink something. They have so sense of workplace behavior. Mind you, though, I'm not excusing their behavior in any manner because it boils down to being theft no matter how you look at it.


Hell, I had that problem in college, with roommates who would assume any food I had was fair game for them.

Two worst examples:

I had just learned how to fix a pot roast, something simple for a college student that had never had to cook for himself. I threw everything into a crock pot, and left for class at around 7:30. Between a long day of classes and a meeting that night, I wasn't due to get back until about 8 PM. I figured after 12 hours on low heat, that pot roast would be falling apart and generally delicious.

I get in, the crock pot is empty, scraped empty. Not washed or cleaned, but somebody has taken the contents out. There was a tiny tupperware container with a few scraps of meat and veggies in it.

My roommate had got in before I had, at around 4 PM, and decided that that pot roast looked nice, so he at almost all of it himself, in one sitting, and left me "some" (one serving that would fit in your palm). That was when we'd been sharing an apartment for a few weeks, it only got worse from there. I basically had to keep my bedroom locked at all times to keep him from "borrowing" things, and couldn't have food in the fridge (or cooking without me present) because he'd suck it up.

A couple of years later, I was living in a different apartment, with different people. I bought a good bottle of champagne, I was going to use it to celebrate New Years with my girlfriend. I left it in the refrigerator. I go to retrieve it on the afternoon of the 31st. . .and it's sitting there but with the cork removed and a piece of saran wrap over the lip.

I confront my roommates (I had 3), and one piped up and said he figured that since bottles of soda were open (I didn't drink soda, so I didn't know or care) and that the bottles of hard liquor in the liquor cabinet were open, he figured the same would apply to a bottle of champagne. He said he tried to put the cork back in it when he was done, but it wouldn't fit (he thought it must be defective) and so he put some saran wrap over it and "sealed" it with a rubber band.

A $80 bottle of champagne, a very big deal to a poor college student, wasted because a dumbass roommate figured the same rules applied to it as did a 2-liter of coke or an $8 bottle of cheap rum.
 
2012-10-05 07:43:33 PM

GBB: We had forensics trainees come in once and "investigate" a lunch theft. It was good training for them. They like to do weird, fun, practical training exercises here. They got to play around and collect and process evidence, tape off a crime scene, maintain control and custody of evidence, crime scene log, and other things they have to do on a real crime scene. We tell our trainees that we take lunch thefts seriously. Sometimes, it's awesome working in Law Enforcement.


Heh heh. We have our own forensic DNA lab, and yes we have been known to deploy it against food and office supply thieves. They're always so shocked when they get busted. Maybe the cops' budget forces them to reserve it for only the most serious crimes, but it costs us practically nothing!
 
2012-10-05 07:52:22 PM
I work in the printing industry. A co-workers lunch was being repeatedly stolen. One day he brought in a sandwich and spread yellow ink on it to imitate mustard. His lunch wasn't stolen again after that.
 
2012-10-05 07:52:48 PM

BATMANATEE: Why are you surprised that law enforcement people would be entitled thieves?


Why do you smoke pot?
 
2012-10-05 07:56:32 PM

Silverstaff: Bathia_Mapes: This is an ongoing problem at my workplace, especially after we hire a group of new employees. I think part of the problem is that not only are most of the new hires young people, but for many of them it's their first job. I think they see the fridge situation as being similar to their parents' or a friend's fridge, where no one minds if you eat or drink something. They have so sense of workplace behavior. Mind you, though, I'm not excusing their behavior in any manner because it boils down to being theft no matter how you look at it.


Hell, I had that problem in college, with roommates who would assume any food I had was fair game for them.

Two worst examples:

I had just learned how to fix a pot roast, something simple for a college student that had never had to cook for himself. I threw everything into a crock pot, and left for class at around 7:30. Between a long day of classes and a meeting that night, I wasn't due to get back until about 8 PM. I figured after 12 hours on low heat, that pot roast would be falling apart and generally delicious.

I get in, the crock pot is empty, scraped empty. Not washed or cleaned, but somebody has taken the contents out. There was a tiny tupperware container with a few scraps of meat and veggies in it.

My roommate had got in before I had, at around 4 PM, and decided that that pot roast looked nice, so he at almost all of it himself, in one sitting, and left me "some" (one serving that would fit in your palm). That was when we'd been sharing an apartment for a few weeks, it only got worse from there. I basically had to keep my bedroom locked at all times to keep him from "borrowing" things, and couldn't have food in the fridge (or cooking without me present) because he'd suck it up.

A couple of years later, I was living in a different apartment, with different people. I bought a good bottle of champagne, I was going to use it to celebrate New Years with my girlfriend. I left it in the refrigerato ...


Didn't have a roommate do that, but he had a houseguest that decided to help herself to my food & beverages that I had purchased for meals at home & work lunches. I'd come home from work (she stayed at the house all day) & find all or nearly all my work lunch fixings gone, juice, gone, meat I was thawing for dinner, gone. I asked her to please not eat my food and if she wasn't sure if it was mine or my roommate's, leave it alone. She replied that my roommate said she could help herself to anything she wanted. I told her that it didn't include the stuff I purchased since he had no say over the matter, not to mention that my roommate respected each other to the extent that we wouldn't go in each other's bedroom nor invite others to help themselves to stuff that didn't belong to them, so what houseguest said was a complete lie.

Ended up buying a lock for my bedroom & borrowed a dorm fridge from a friend of mine to keep my stuff in until the houseguest moved out. About a month after she left my roommate got his phone bill and there were over $200 in long distance charges. House guest apparently thought it was okay to call her friends & family in another state and have long, drawn out conversations.
 
2012-10-05 08:09:34 PM
Must be a cultural thing.

Theft at our workplace is rare. Never had a lunch thief that I know of. We even have honor-system snack and soda funds on various floors of the building with bowls of change sitting out.

One exception a few years back was a cash thief who was going around stealing bills out of women's purses and also from the snack funds. But by the time I figured out who it was she'd already been let go.
 
2012-10-05 08:18:07 PM
farm9.staticflickr.com

+

farm1.staticflickr.com

+

farm8.staticflickr.com

=

Problem solved 
 
2012-10-05 08:34:53 PM

orezona: TheRameres: I had an extra box lunch from a meeting I had catered, so I marked it with my name in capital letters with a big black Sharpie and stuck it in the fridge. Next day I went to eat it and someone took the cookie out of it. And this wasn't one of those crappy little hard cookies, or a 100 calorie pack of Oreos. This was one of those big, soft, chewy double chocolate chip with white chocolate chips in it. I was looking forward to that thing all morning.

I wanted to cry and rage all at the same time. A combination of anger and sadness like I'd never felt before swelled over me that day. Well, at the office, anyway.

That cookie was so farking delicious, I still get a boner thinking about it sometimes.


DAMN YOUZ!!!!
 
2012-10-05 08:37:40 PM

Big Beef Burrito: Who would steal thirty sack lunches?


That damned sasquatch!
 
2012-10-05 08:44:06 PM

Doctor Funkenstein: One time at work, somebody was stealing my frozen burritos. So, I decided to take a big dump in a tortilla shell, wrap it up and put it in the freezer. I then hid in a cabinet by the fridge in the breakroom and waited for the culprit to make his move. I was in that cabinet for four days. My patience prevailed, though, and on day four, in walked the burrito bandit. I had carefully added spices and some hot sauce to my poorito, so as to cover the smell of my dumpage as it was being microwaved. Once cooked, he removed it from the microwave and took a big bite. At that point, I burst out of the cabinet and shouted, "You are eating my poop you thieving son of a biatch! How does it taste?" While we had worked together for a long time, he didn't recognize me right away because I had been in the cabinet for four days and hadn't shaved during that time. I had also fashioned my shirt into a diaper-pants sort of deal, similar to what Tom Hanks was sporting in Castaway. You know, for survival in the cabinet. Once he realized who I was and that I was telling the truth, he spat it out and ran away in horror. I had to go home early that day because it turns out diaper-pants were a violation of our workplace dress code but it was totally worth it. After that, I filmed myself farking his wife, emailed him the video and burned his house to the ground. Nobody ever stole a burrito from me again and the judge says that with good behavior, I may be free within two years.


A spentmiles alter?
 
2012-10-05 08:51:08 PM
if we're counting roommate food thefts, I should have mentioned the Pubic Hair Pizza a local place delivered. Covered in blonde pubes, probably because my landlord who used to live there was a shiat tipper.

My roommates got home drunk and stoned, and ate the entire thing. I got them to pay me back before I told them about the pubes they didn't notice.
 
2012-10-05 09:00:56 PM

dopekitty74: Doctor Funkenstein: One time at work, somebody was stealing my frozen burritos. So, I decided to take a big dump in a tortilla shell, wrap it up and put it in the freezer. I then hid in a cabinet by the fridge in the breakroom and waited for the culprit to make his move. I was in that cabinet for four days. My patience prevailed, though, and on day four, in walked the burrito bandit. I had carefully added spices and some hot sauce to my poorito, so as to cover the smell of my dumpage as it was being microwaved. Once cooked, he removed it from the microwave and took a big bite. At that point, I burst out of the cabinet and shouted, "You are eating my poop you thieving son of a biatch! How does it taste?" While we had worked together for a long time, he didn't recognize me right away because I had been in the cabinet for four days and hadn't shaved during that time. I had also fashioned my shirt into a diaper-pants sort of deal, similar to what Tom Hanks was sporting in Castaway. You know, for survival in the cabinet. Once he realized who I was and that I was telling the truth, he spat it out and ran away in horror. I had to go home early that day because it turns out diaper-pants were a violation of our workplace dress code but it was totally worth it. After that, I filmed myself farking his wife, emailed him the video and burned his house to the ground. Nobody ever stole a burrito from me again and the judge says that with good behavior, I may be free within two years.

A spentmiles alter?


That's what I thought also, at first. But there are subtle differences I can't put my finger on. Still not bad though.
 
2012-10-05 09:03:37 PM
Most of these food thief revenge stories sound as legitimate as the letters to Penthouse Forum.
 
2012-10-05 09:04:41 PM
Ok, that's it. The next time I take in pot roast, steak, meatloaf, etc. I am going to name it. George, Frank, Joaquin, Ken, Skyler, Jenny, Marge, etc, etc. Because no one wants to be labeled a cannibal. Oh yeah, and I'm tired of people stealing my leftovers. I mean, really, who eats someone else's leftovers? Our company pays more than enough to go to the grocery store on a regular basis.

/amidoingitrite?
 
2012-10-05 09:10:13 PM
My son, he works for a Korean company doing business here....all the senior mgmt., are Korean. There are definitely some cultural differences, the Koreans think nothing of getting into other employees food, eating some and then putting it back. But then they also all eat communally together, maybe this is why, all their food is shared between them at lunch.
 
2012-10-05 09:13:45 PM

insert sarcastic comment: TruBluTroll: I'm lucky that my workplace doesn't have any lunch thieves, but my wives work is rife with them. She has actually come back to her desk to find a coworker digging through her purse with one of her prescription bottles in one hand. I worked for less than a month at the same place and had my lunch stolen twice.
That place is seriously farked up.

Jesus what kind of place is that?


Payday, i'd been to the bank and withdrawn my pay so i could pay the rent that night. Wallet in inside pocket of my jacket, jacket hanging on a chair in staffroom. While i was on the floor, money went missing. Was some teenage biatch that had recently been hired, but because we had no security camera, we couldn't prove it. We all treated her like crap and she quit two weeks later.
 
2012-10-05 09:25:10 PM

Shmeat: [grifties.files.wordpress.com image 500x500]


Eek! I wouldn't be able to eat my own lunch if I put it in one of those bags.

/serious phobia about bugs
 
2012-10-05 09:29:18 PM
Hubbys lunch was stolen everyday for a week. There was no place in the area where he worked to go buy lunch, so he went without everyday. Over the weekend, he took out his sisters Wilton candy molds and made exlax candy. Put in his lunch Monday of the next week. One guy spent the entire afternoon in the porta pot and hubby's lunch was never stolen again.
 
2012-10-05 10:05:11 PM
www.bookofjoe.com

I had an easy solution for this the last time I actually worked in an office.
 
2012-10-05 10:07:42 PM
I was sort of the lunch thief once. Our office often stocked the same brand of yogurt that I brought in most mornings for breakfast, and if I felt like a switch, I would swap mine for whatever more interesting flavor was in the fridge.

Turned out that some of those actually belonged to someone else who ate the same brand. I about died of embarrassment the day I opened the fridge to see her name on two of them. Oops.
 
2012-10-05 10:44:38 PM
My office is a stones throw from a grocery store, so many of us do some shopping during lunch breaks and keep perishables in the breakroom fridge until end of the day. One Friday I bought a 4lb pack of boneless chicken breasts for weekend dinner. Some asshole stole it. I work for a government contractor so I guess theft is to be expected.
 
2012-10-05 10:57:18 PM

Greta_VanHouten: My office is a stones throw from a grocery store, so many of us do some shopping during lunch breaks and keep perishables in the breakroom fridge until end of the day. One Friday I bought a 4lb pack of boneless chicken breasts for weekend dinner. Some asshole stole it. I work for a government contractor so I guess theft is to be expected.


That would REALLY piss me off.
 
2012-10-05 10:57:59 PM
When I was in college, I had a part time job working for a dude who would bring a pickle to lunch every day. The rest of his lunch menu varied, but he always had to have that pickle. It got to be a joke with everyone who worked there...."Steve and his farking pickle".

One day I sneaked into his office and stole that pickle, showed everyone what I had done, and then flung it onto the roof of the building. Sure enough, when lunch rolled around, Steve came out of his office in an absolute rage, demanding to know who stole his pickle. I mean the dude was red in the face. We all were laughing until I told him that his beloved pickle was on the roof. I told him that if he liked pickles, he'd really like sun-dried pickles. What happened next none of us expected: Steve fired me on the spot.

Later that day I got a call from the business owner, and was told to come back to work on my next scheduled day. When I showed up for work, I found that Steve was still POed about his pickle, and he told me that he wasn't joking about firing me, and told me to get the fark out of the building. The owner overhead the yelling and came out of his office, turned to Steve and said, "Steve, fark you and your pickle."
 
2012-10-05 10:58:24 PM
Rather than hide food in a container marked "medical specimen", hide medical specimens in random food containers; food theft will stop really fast once the their chooses the wrong container a couple of times.
 
2012-10-05 11:04:48 PM

Deathfrogg: Not a lunch thief situation, although there was a fair amount of that going on. The shop I was working in back in the late 80s was shut down for two weeks to deal with an EPA situation, a cleanup of the top three feet or so of the soil around the shop where probably 40,000 gallons of hydraulic oil had been spilled over the years by the morons doing the hydraulics. They'd just pop the cylinders and tanks open and let the stuff drain out onto the dirt. The EPA came in because the stuff was running into the stream behind the place and causing a continuous oil slick in the river a couple miles away that took them several months to track down the source. They ordered the company property closed and a total removal of soil and all the contamination. Boss ended up paying about a $150,000 fine, plus paying for the remediation and disposal of the soil.

At any rate, someone had brought in a large salmon and left it in the fridge, one of the welders leads I think. But this was just a day or so before the EPA came in and shut us down for all the spillage and it was left in the fridge there for that two week shutdown. Well, we all came back, and when the fridge was opened by someone, it filled the whole shop with the stench. So this genius decided to unplug the fridge and put a note on it to stop using it until it could be replaced. And they didn't bother to take out the fish and all the other shiat that was left in it. It sat for about a month, in the lunchroom with the door facing the wall and this note on it. When the boss finally got another fridge in, a couple of us had to go upstairs to muscle the old one out and down the stairs, and then schlep the other one up. The door got opened, and the whole shop was filled with this incredible miasma of indescribable stink that even got the dudes in the weld shop at the back of the building turning green. The whole company evacuated the building within about five minutes.

The boss lost it. He got one of the welders to drag one of ...


On a tablet atm, so just imagine a screenshot from the toys in the attic episode of Cowboy Bebop here.
 
2012-10-05 11:19:20 PM
All I see is a bunch of people who have sharing issues.
 
2012-10-05 11:35:15 PM
If I were to, hypothetically, create a metal lunch tote/cooler that uses a modified stun gun to shock would be thieves unless it's disarmed with a key before opening, would there be a market for it?

Hypothetically speaking, assuming I already have plans drawn up for it and whatnot. And a parts list. And a prototype.

/hypothetically
 
2012-10-05 11:36:20 PM
Our workplace food theft involved two full, and one half-full/empty 5-lb cans of coffee. We left for the weekend and returned on Monday to find the two full cans gone and only the half can left. Funny thing is, we work in a secure area. You need a badge to get in.
 
2012-10-05 11:47:51 PM
Noticeably F.A.T.:

Yeah, when that episode came out it was the first thing I thought of. I did a cleanup of a house that had been foreclosed on as a side job and it wasn't nearly that bad. I think it was probably the 40 lb salmon wrapped in newspaper, sitting in there for a couple of months with the power off.

camutv.files.wordpress.com 

Colonizing other planets, accidentally.
 
2012-10-06 12:42:36 AM
This is why I eat at the cafeteria where I work, and go out to lunch if that's closed or it's a weekend. A guy I know had fish and rice waiting for him at lunch and he was hungry. When we sat down to eat, his fish was eaten. I would have flipped out, but he just calmly said oh well and went to the store. We've had one woman get caught stealing lunches, and one guy fired because of how blatant he was rifling through lunches daily and eating what he wanted while giving away food to people that didn't know he stole it.

/don't fark with peoples food or you'll get what you deserve eventually
 
2012-10-06 12:51:33 AM
I know who's stealing those lunches, it was that damn sasquatch!
 
2012-10-06 01:26:48 AM
No food thefts here, mostly because people forget they packed the fridge until half of it is compost. The most dedicated food thief doesn't want to open a Tupperware container full of maggots.

Read a story online about a decade ago about an office that suffered from terrible food theft problems, with the manager getting increasingly furious about it until she finally threatened to fire on the spot whoever was caught doing it. At one point an employee went down to the breakroom fridge to grab her diet Pepsi and saw the manager, bent over, leaning into the fridge, shoveling food into her mouth just as fast as she possibly could. When the employee said something, the manager just stared at her with this glazed look in her eyes like she wasn't quite sure where she was.

Roommate and I used to split grocery shopping funds to save money. (Buying for one is a lot more expensive per serving than buying for two.) So this technically wasn't a food theft...but I came home from work on the first day he was unemployed to find that he had eaten all the food in the house - first, all the food that could be eaten out of the box, then all the food that could be prepped in less than twenty minutes, then most of the rest. I got home to find a bag of flour, a box of baking soda, and an empty juice container for dinner. Even he seemed surprised when I pointed it out, apparently unaware as to how much he had been grazing that day. We bought our own food after that.
 
2012-10-06 06:00:58 AM

PacManDreaming: Or, you could just add a chopped ghost chili in the bait food and sit back and watch the fireworks


You're even more evil than I am, I was thinking powdered Cayenne Pepper
 
2012-10-06 06:52:13 AM
I worked as an executive assistant a while back, but did all the receptionist/front desk/liaison to pretty much everyone important-type work. People generally knew to be nice to me. I was trusted far enough by the CTO to where I actually had input on hiring (and, once or twice, firing). Basically, if you watch Suits, I *was* Donna... just without the awesome red hair. The pilot, where she leans back and looks at Harvey and shakes her head as interviewees came in? Done that. I pretty much ran the place when the execs were too busy.

So, yeah, this problem ended up being my mess to clean up. I ran gossip that the higher-ups were not happy (which was true, and doing that actually solved more problems than you think it might; dropping the right word into the right ear was always my first step). Second move, the posted warning on the fridge. Third move, the company-wide email sent from the CEO's account. And after THAT didn't work... a trip down to HR, a casually asked "I can put reeeeally hot sauce on my lunch, right?", and a few days later, someone choking on the hottest sauce I could get my hands on. And since everyone pretty much came by my desk to talk at one point or another (I kept a damn good candy bowl for that very reason), I knew within 30 minutes, The thief was fired in another hour.

ALWAYS make the lady at the front desk your best friend, from the second you walk in for your interview. 

/And if you're the admin, invest in really good bras
//Seriously, that works
 
2012-10-06 12:59:36 PM

PacManDreaming: Simple solution. Just make a bait sandwich or other food with a generous helping of Denatonium mixed in. It's safe and it'll let the thief know that they may encounter other surprises during their refrigerator raids.

Or, you could just add a chopped ghost chili in the bait food and sit back and watch the fireworks.


Yah, booby-trapped thief bait...saw a person do that with a Coke bottle once, refilled with a gag-inducing combo of tonic water, salt, tabasco, and soy sauce (it's in Hawaii...that's what was on the table, plus the tonic water for the appropriate decoy fizz). Best part of using a liquid booby trap is the spit take is harder to the thief to hide.
 
2012-10-06 01:21:41 PM
My workplace is full of expensive equipment, unsecured computers, the occasional open boxes of cash for the fancy coffee sharing program, and even some drugs (they suck, and they're logged, but not locked up).

None of that crap ever goes missing, but at least twice a month someone's lunch gets stolen.
 
2012-10-06 02:25:09 PM

Fissile: When I was in college, I had a part time job working for a dude who would bring a pickle to lunch every day. The rest of his lunch menu varied, but he always had to have that pickle. It got to be a joke with everyone who worked there...."Steve and his farking pickle".

One day I sneaked into his office and stole that pickle, showed everyone what I had done, and then flung it onto the roof of the building. Sure enough, when lunch rolled around, Steve came out of his office in an absolute rage, demanding to know who stole his pickle. I mean the dude was red in the face. We all were laughing until I told him that his beloved pickle was on the roof. I told him that if he liked pickles, he'd really like sun-dried pickles. What happened next none of us expected: Steve fired me on the spot.

Later that day I got a call from the business owner, and was told to come back to work on my next scheduled day. When I showed up for work, I found that Steve was still POed about his pickle, and he told me that he wasn't joking about firing me, and told me to get the fark out of the building. The owner overhead the yelling and came out of his office, turned to Steve and said, "Steve, fark you and your pickle."


I wonder if you'll ever recognize how you and the owner were the assholes of this story.
 
2012-10-06 03:33:56 PM

mama2tnt: Has anyone any experience with those "packit" lunchboxes?

I've seen commercials and throught about getting these for the kids so I can stop packing ice packs with their food.


I got one for me and the husband. Mine stays nice and cold all day at my desk. I normally have yogurt in there and a lunchmeat sandwich. Never any problems. Other half in the summertime sometimes has to add an icepack only because he is in and out of his work truck all day. It's still cold but not icy cold, he doesn't want to take a chance. The bags need to be in the freezer minimum 8 hours or they just don't freeze all the way.
 
2012-10-06 04:43:55 PM

Bathia_Mapes: Ended up buying a lock for my bedroom & borrowed a dorm fridge from a friend of mine to keep my stuff in until the houseguest moved out. About a month after she left my roommate got his phone bill and there were over $200 in long distance charges. House guest apparently thought it was okay to call her friends & family in another state and have long, drawn out conversations.


Got a similar story about telephone problems with a roommate.

The same guy who scarfed down my entire pot roast was a huge cheapskate. When I first moved in with him, in '99, I brought my computer with me. He didn't have a computer of his own, he used the computers in the labs on campus. He was amazed to have a PC in the apartment. I had a dial-up modem, so he quickly subscribed to a local internet service.

Everquest had just come out, and I was playing it some. He was freaking addicted though. He would play it basically whenever he wasn't in class, on my computer (in the living room), on the dial-up connection.

After the first month or so of living there, we get a phone bill. It was for over $400. Apparently, in his prior attempts to be a cheapskate, he got a phone package so bare-bones it didn't even come with unlimited local calls. He said if he only made a few calls every month it actually was a little cheaper this way.

He demanded I pay him $200+ for my share of the phone bill. I pointed out to him that nobody in their right mind has a local phone plan with per-minute calling in the year 1999, that I would have not been getting online if I knew he had that, and he was on way more than I was. Basically I told him I'd pay half of a normal phone bill, but his screwed up price plan was his issue. He called the phone company and begged, lied and pleaded until they put him on an unlimited local price plan and cut the balance due in half, he still whined for as long as I would live there about how I wouldn't pay "my half" of the phone bill.

Given that he soon was thrown out of school because he was on a full-ride National Merit Scholarship, but forgot he had to keep a 3.5 GPA to keep it, and so he slacked off and blew off class and studying for EverQuest figuring he wouldn't get thrown out of college unless his GPA dropped below a 2.0, and didn't realize otherwise until the rude awakening after the semester of getting a letter terminating his scholarship, it was par for the course for him.
 
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